1020. Q&AF: Pushing Through Hard Times, Being "Too Nice" & Leadership Struggles

Summary

Podcast Summary: REAL AF with Andy Frisella

Episode 1020: Q&AF: Pushing Through Hard Times, Being "Too Nice" & Leadership Struggles
Release Date: April 27, 2026
Host: Andy Frisella
Co-host: DJ

---

Overview

In this Q&AF (Questions & Andy Frisella) episode, Andy and DJ tackle three major listener-submitted questions centered around pushing through hardship, navigating the dangers of being "too nice", and overcoming personal struggles in leadership roles. The episode combines practical advice, hard-earned experience, and a candid, motivational tone aimed at entrepreneurs, aspiring leaders, and anyone seeking self-improvement.

---

Key Discussion Points & Timestamps

1. Pushing Through Hard Times as an Entrepreneur

(Starts at 04:48)

• Listener’s Question:
  A 32-year-old real estate flipper is struggling to make ends meet despite working 12-hour days and asks how Andy persevered when goals seemed far from reality.

• Andy's Zero Option Mentality:
  Andy emphasizes persisting because there’s simply no other choice:

  “What other option do you have? What are you going to do, go work at McDonald's?... That’s what made me push through.” (05:14)

• Effectiveness vs. Effort:
  Hard work and long hours aren’t enough alone—working smart and developing skills matter more than just time spent:

  “Effort and time put in doesn’t necessarily equal pay. You have to be on the right path that’s going to provide you the outcome you’re looking for.” (09:39)

• Evaluating Your Path:
  Andy pushes the listener to evaluate their strategy and skillset honestly. If others in the same field aren’t succeeding after years, it might be time to pivot.

• Frugality and Humility:
  Living far below your means is necessary, and Andy recounts his own hardships, including moving back in with his father eight years into business:

  “At 27 years old, seven years into my business, I had to move back in with my dad. You know how embarrassing that was, bro?” (13:32)

• Harnessing Negativity as Fuel:
  Criticism and doubt from others can be used as motivation:

  "All those people that are laughing at you... that’s fuel, dude. You should be grateful for that. I never forgot it." (14:19)

• Current Opportunities:
  Today’s technology allows for much faster progress than when Andy started:

  “If I could trade places with any of you guys that were 20 right now, I fucking would. I’d give up everything I have and I’d start over at 20 because of the technology that’s available.” (17:03)

---

2. Dealing with Being “Too Nice” & When to Be Selfish

(Starts at 18:05)

• Listener’s Question:
  Struggles with always trying to help and share with others—feeling like it limits outcomes. How to set boundaries and be less "nice"?

• Andy’s Struggle & Advice:
  Andy admits he shares this tendency and has often been taken advantage of but emphasizes the importance of boundaries:

  “Try to keep that good heart of giving... but learn where the boundaries are and what your responsibilities are and what they aren’t.” (18:32)

• Toxic Responsibility:
  Feeling responsible for others’ outcomes can become toxic, especially when they don’t want to help themselves:

  “Sometimes when you try to take care of people, they don't want to take care of themselves. And you can’t want it more than them.” (20:44)

• Being Selfish to Be Selfless:
  You must ensure your own success and security before truly helping others:

  “You gotta be selfish to be selfless… You’ve got to take care of yourself first, and then when you take care of yourself, you’re able to take care of people much better.” (21:38)

• Giving vs. Loaning:
  Never loan money, only give what you can afford to lose:

  “I do not loan money. I give money. And the reason is, 99% of the time, you’re not going to get the money back.” (23:25)

• Letting People Learn Their Lessons:
  Over-helping prevents others from learning important life lessons:

  “Every time you save someone, you’re preventing them from learning the lesson that’s going to make them better anyway.” (24:38)

• Boundary Setting and Guilt:
  Expect pushback, guilt-tripping, and emotional manipulation, and learn to resist it:

  “People will guilt you and make you feel bad... but every single human on this planet takes care of themselves first.” (26:03)

• Spiritual/Universal Reinforcement:
  Andy highlights that giving when able has always worked out positively in his life:

  “I believe that when you do good, you get good… God and the universe and everything that we can’t see rewards that.” (27:12)

---

3. Leadership Struggles & Redemption

(Starts at 27:28)

• Listener’s Question:
  As a newer leader, sometimes to people he previously had negative experiences with, should he have one-on-ones to “air things out,” or just focus on actions?

• Don’t Over-explain, Act:
  Andy cautions against over-explaining or seeking to clear the air deeply—your actions matter more:

  “Just make the change, start doing it. They’ll notice. Explaining everything... it comes off as insecurity, which, by the way, weakens your ability and your respect to lead these people.” (28:23)

• Apologies Are Short and Sincere:
  If needed, acknowledge mistakes simply, don’t dwell:

  "Hey, Steve, look... sorry I got a little upset there... I lost my cool a little bit there, but it doesn't change the message I was delivering." (29:59)

• Leadership Is Lifelong:
  Growth as a leader never ends; everyone makes mistakes:

  “Leadership is a lifelong journey. There is no finish line for becoming a great leader… Just like when you start to learn how to ride a bike, you’re going to fall over a whole bunch of times.” (31:14 & 32:01)

• Self-Forgiveness & Progress:
  Acknowledging past shortcomings and focusing on current and future behavior is essential:

  “Forgive yourself for what you did in the past. Realize that is a part of the process… change your behavior, start working forward.” (31:03)

• Actions, Not Words, Build Respect:
  Results—not promises—earn respect and trust:

  “No one cares about your talk, especially if you already have a negative reputation… If you want respect as a leader, it’s your actions, it’s not your words.” (33:23)

• Wrapping Up with Motivation:
  Andy encourages listeners to embrace struggle as validation of growth, reminding them that difficulty is part of the process:

  “If you find yourself working to become anything and it’s very hard, that’s a sign that you’re on the right path. That’s not a negative thing. Anything worthwhile is hard.” (35:48)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Making Sacrifices for the Long Game:

  “You have to be willing to eat a little shit along the way, knowing that the end result is going to pay off.” (13:25, Andy)

• On Turning Doubt into Motivation:

  “All those people that are making little remarks… that’s fuel, dude. You should be grateful for that, because I never forgot it.” (14:19, Andy)

• On Leadership Growth:

  “The fact that you feel bad says that you really care about being a great leader. The worst kind of leaders… don’t give a fuck if they feel bad.” (31:14, Andy)

• On Today’s Opportunities for Young Entrepreneurs:

  “If we had what y’all have… I would have created this entire thing in, like, seven years. I’d have been 27 years old.” (17:13, Andy)

---

Episode Flow & Tone

The show maintains its trademark direct, no-nonsense, motivational, and sometimes explicit tone. Andy’s style is both tough-love and empathetic, offering actionable insight while sharing vulnerable and specific examples from his own entrepreneurial journey. DJ provides balance with follow-up questions, personal input, and relatable points for listeners.

---

Key Takeaways

• Persistence without options fuels survival and eventual success.
• Smart, effective work and skill development matter more than just hours and hustle.
• Extreme frugality and humility are necessary in the early days—don’t be ashamed.
• Set strong boundaries—help others but don’t enable or harm your own progress.
• Never loan money; give what you can, knowing you may not get it back.
• Let others learn their own hard lessons—it helps them more in the long run.
• Leadership is about modeling change, not explaining it away.
• Actions and continuous self-improvement earn long term respect.
• Struggling is a sign of progress on any journey worth taking.

---

For entrepreneurs and leaders at any stage, this episode doubles as a blueprint for grit, measured giving, and evolving through the struggle—delivered with Andy’s trademark intensity and honesty.

Transcript

[Unknown Rapper]

Yeah, went from sleeping on the floor now my jury box froze up Pole stove counted millions in a cold bad booty swole Got her own bank roll can't fold Just a no head shot case Close, close, close.

[Andy Frisella]

What is up, guys? It's Andy Frisella. And this is the show for the realists. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to reality. Guys, Today we have Q&AF. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. Now, you could submit your questions and they could be about anything, typically about personal development, how to win, how to make money, how to kick ass, how to be a bad. All right, you could submit them many different ways. DJs going to tell you how.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah, guys, email your questions and to ask andy, andy forella.com. you can also click the link in the description below and submit them there or just drop them in the comment section of the Q and A of videos on the tube.

[Andy Frisella]

Now, if this your first time listening, we have shows within the show. Tomorrow you're going to hear CTI, I.e. cruise the Internet. That's where we put topics on the screen of the goings ons of the day. We speculate on what the truth is and we talk about how we the people have to solve these problems going on in the world. We also make fun of everybody. So there's that. Then we have real AF. Real AF is just 5, 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk. Whoops, real Talk, not real AF. This is real AF. Anyway, and then we have 75 hard verses. That's where somebody who's completed the 75 hard program comes on the show. They talk about how they were before, how they are now, and how they use 75 hard to become the person that they are now. If you're unfamiliar with 75 hard, it is the initial phase of the Live Hard program. We like to call it the Boot Camp, which is the world's most popular mental transformation program ever. And you can get that at episode two zero eight on the audio feed for free. There's also a [e-mail] called the Book on Mental Toughness, which includes the entire Live Hard program plus a whole bunch of other information in depth, a bunch of chapters on mental toughness, how to use it, how to cultivate why it's important, some case studies, and basically, if you're like me and you're somebody who has to know all the details, that's the resource for you. So you can go on. Andyforcella.com and grab that. Now, one thing we do different here is we are the biggest show in the world that does not run advertisements, all right? I don't get paid to do this show. We pay to do this show, all right? We're here to bring value to you. We're here to help you be better. We're here to help you see what's going on in the world and navigate everything effectively. So we have a simple ask, and the ask is this. Share the show, okay? When you find it valuable, if it gives you some knowledge, if it makes you better, if it makes you think, if it makes you laugh, it's entertaining, do us a favor and share that out, man. It helps us a lot. We'd like to say it like, don't be a hoe.

[DJ or Co-host]

Share the show.

[Andy Frisella]

All right. What's up, man?

[DJ or Co-host]

Buenos dias, senor. All right.

[Andy Frisella]

What's that? What, you making fun of me or something? No, my tan.

[DJ or Co-host]

You are getting tan.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[DJ or Co-host]

You are getting tan, dog. Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

About time for me to pass you. About this time of year where I pass you up in Tannis, Usually it's like June.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah, June is when it really sets in.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah. It's kind of fun because, like, half the year you're the black guy. Then the other half I am. So it works.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah. Start hiding your wallet, and I start hiding mine. Yeah, it just goes back and forth.

[Andy Frisella]

You stole my bike. I steal it back. Oh, man.

[DJ or Co-host]

Must be July.

[Andy Frisella]

Any guy. What's going on, though? I'm just glad I get the bikes in the summertime.

[DJ or Co-host]

That's right. That's right. Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

What's going on, man? Just doing a thing, man.

[DJ or Co-host]

Things are doing. Being done.

[Andy Frisella]

That's right.

[DJ or Co-host]

That's right, man. Hell, yeah, dude. Yeah, everything.

[Andy Frisella]

So were you.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah, things are good on this end, bro.

[Andy Frisella]

You're looking good, man.

[DJ or Co-host]

269 this morning.

[Andy Frisella]

Really?

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah, really.

[Andy Frisella]

Like, you're like, a real 269 or you're 269?

[DJ or Co-host]

No, no. Like, on the SC go. 269.

[Andy Frisella]

Is there any witnesses? God, no. It doesn't count.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah, I'll take a picture in the morning.

[Andy Frisella]

All right.

[DJ or Co-host]

I'll show you. Yeah, I'm there, dog. I'm. Listen, I'm right there, bro. Well, I'm right there.

[Andy Frisella]

I know. You're doing good.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah, we're cruising, bro. We're cruising. It feels good.

[Andy Frisella]

You're finally lifting now.

[DJ or Co-host]

That's what it is.

[Andy Frisella]

Gonna make a big difference.

[DJ or Co-host]

Big difference. I do got to incorporate some more hit, though, because dude, like that.

[Andy Frisella]

You just got more time, bro. It's just gonna take. I mean, look, it just takes time.

[DJ or Co-host]

Dude, I was gassed on Tuesday, bro. We had to do this. Yeah, Gassed. Yeah, bro. I gotta get some more hit cardio in there.

[Andy Frisella]

That's hard stuff, man. It is wrestling and all that. That's. That's one of the hardest things you can do.

[DJ or Co-host]

So.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, you got to get in shape for that.

[DJ or Co-host]

Got you, bro. It's a different thing.

[Andy Frisella]

But you can't just shoot everybody.

[DJ or Co-host]

I mean, you can't.

[Andy Frisella]

I let. Well, you can.

[DJ or Co-host]

I can. Three times in the face. Yeah, no, no, that's good though, man. Things are good, bro. I'm happy to be here. It's a beautiful Monday and we're here to make people better.

[Andy Frisella]

Cool.

[DJ or Co-host]

Let's dive into it. I got three good ones for you guys. Andy, question number one. Andy, 32 years old. I'm managing real estate flips. I'm coordinating investors and contractors. I'm working 12 hour days fixing mistakes, but I'm still broke and struggling to pay bills. How did you push through this stage and keep going when your bank account and your goals were so far away from each other?

[Andy Frisella]

What other option do you have? What are you going to do? You're going to go work at McDonald's? Okay. I didn't have any other options. That's what made me push through. This is why we talk about this concept of zero option mentality. All right. When you're in the beginning of your business, it's very easy to keep pushing through. And to be honest, where you're at right now is the easiest. It's going to be to stay focused and push through. Because you don't have anything else you can go to. Maybe you do. Maybe you have a rich family. Maybe you have an inheritance coming. I don't know what it is. I didn't have that. The thing that kept me going was very simply that I had had experiences doing manual labor growing up. Pretty much my whole life growing up, I wasn't qualified to do anything else. I didn't have a college degree back then. You had to have a degree to even get an interview. And so I didn't have any other options. And that made it very easy for me to continue going down the path. Because every time I felt like how you're feeling right now, I just thought, well, this is better than digging ditches.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

All right. And that's what kept me going. And I would love to say, and, oh, you know, it was this big vision for all these things. And I wanted to do all these great things and this and that. But in the beginning, man, it was very simply. I just didn't have anything else to do. Now, that changes as you start to make money, and it changes a lot when you start to make good money, and it changes a lot more when you make great money. And you have to remember what you're feeling like right now, because what's ultimately going to make you successful over the course of your life is being able to manipulate your own mind into believing that you have no other option but to continue down the path. This path that you were on is very difficult. It would be much easier for you in the short term to just get a job, get paid, go home, live everybody else's life. But that is going to hurt you in the long term. All right? So the honest truth is this, dude, what else are you going to do? What else are you going to do? Okay? And by the way, from a tactical standpoint, when you're first getting going and you're trying to do things, you have to figure out ways to bring in the money that may not be in the avenue that you're in now. You're 32 years old. You're working 12 hours a day. You're doing all these things. I'm a little confused on why you would still be broke. Okay? So you have to ask yourself, are you doing the right things that are going to pay off? Have you made a good decision in the path that you're on? What levers do you need to pull? What knobs do you need to adjust to make this a profitable endeavor for you? All right? Because there's so much entrepreneur information out here. And a lot of people just say, follow your passion. Follow what you want to do. But sometimes those things, they don't have the payoff that you're actually looking for. So you have to understand, what am I doing in five, 10 years? Does this have the potential to pay me and provide the life that I'm going to want? Then if I continue down the path, if the answer is no, then you have to do what you have to do right now and find a way to get there. But if the answer is yes, you have to double down and get more. Effective time put in is not the same as effective time. All right? We have two different ideas, and most people believe that the more time they put in, that that's going to equate to more money, or the more effort they put in, that's going to equate to More money. I know a lot of people that have worked very hard their whole lives, very long hours, and never really gotten paid. So effort and time put in doesn't necessarily equal pay. You have to be on the right path. You have to be on the path that's going to provide you with the outcome that you're looking for. So there's a lot of things here that you need to evaluate. Because, dude, unless you just started this, like, it didn't give how long he's been doing it, I don't think unless you just started this, then by this time you should be making some money. Now, I'm going to assume that you probably just started this. All right? So what I want you to do is I want you to sit down, I want you to look out five years, look out 10 years. I want you to look around at peers, people that you may know that are doing the same thing. Are they living the kind of life that you want to live out there in the. In the future, or are they still struggling? Are they still broke? All right, because if other people could do it, you could do it, and you could do it better. All right? But if. If these other people have put 10 years in and they're still struggling, it's probably a time for you to readjust your path. But you have to understand this fundamental reality, dude, is that effort put in and time put in is not what it is. It's effectiveness. It's the skill set that you have. It's how good you are at what you do. And if you're great at what you do, and it takes you half the time, you're going to get paid more than the guy who's putting in double time. That's not great at what he does. So what's your skill set like? Are you good at what you do do? Are you effective? It sounds like right now maybe you're not effective. So you're gonna have to. If you're putting in the time and you're putting in the effort you say you are, then it's a skill problem or it's a time problem. Okay?

[DJ or Co-host]

But you gotta be honest with yourself.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, that's right. You got to assess it. Everybody thinks that they can just work hard, and everybody thinks that they can just put time in. And then there's this other group of people who think, oh, it's not about working hard, it's about working smart. You're wrong about that. It's actually both. Okay, you have to work hard. You have to work enough time, and you have to work effectively. It's not one or the other, it's all of them. And that's a fundamental problem, especially with you young bucks out there who are trying to build. You guys say. You guys hear these people say these things, these cliches, like the average millionaire has seven sources of income. Yeah. Maybe when they're 50, maybe when they're 40, not when they're 20 or 21 or 22. You have to become great at that one thing that produces income. Then when you leverage that income into other things that bring in more cash flow and more, you know, enterprise value to your portfolio, which is what you're building right now. So the reality of that is this. There's a lot I'm saying here, but at the end of the day, it's not work hard, it's not work smart. It's not be great. It's all of those things, and that's how you win. Okay? So don't listen to these people who say this on the Internet. Most of them are broke. Most of them are trying to make money, just trying to sell you how to make money. And they've never really built anything. But I'm going to tell you, as someone who's built many things of a sizable nature. Eight, nine figures worth, 10 figures. It's all of those things. And it's for a long time, how

[DJ or Co-host]

important to man, like, I mean, let's go back, bro. You were 22, 23 years old, or even, you know, not from the age standpoint, but just simply early in business, young in business, entrepreneur age, how important is it during that time to be skinny with your spending and, oh, you know what I'm saying?

[Andy Frisella]

Huge, huge deal.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay. You have to understand that there is going to be a time in your entrepreneur journey where you are going to starve. That is reality. If you want to make it now, if you don't want to make it long term, which is what a lot of these younger kids are doing. Because the. The examples that they look to are these Internet hustlers, all right? What they do is they make a little cash, they go out and spend a bunch of money to look more successful, and then they try to, like, use that to get more. More business.

[DJ or Co-host]

Right?

[Andy Frisella]

It doesn't work like that, man. It doesn't work like that. You have to understand, you gotta live way below your means. And you. It's okay to be embarrassed about it. It's. Dude, do you think I wasn't embarrassed when I was living in the back of my store?

[DJ or Co-host]

Right?

[Andy Frisella]

You Think I wasn't embarrassed when I had to move back in with my dad at 27 years old? That's embarrassing, dude.

[DJ or Co-host]

27?

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah. At 27 years old, seven years into my business, I had to move eight years into my business, I had to move back in with my dad. You know how embarrassing that was, bro? But if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't be here. Yeah. So you have to be willing to eat a little along the way, knowing that the end result is going to pay off. All right? And all those people that were making fun of me, you know, telling me things like, man, Andy, you know, you've been at this for a long time, and now you're having to move back with your dad. Like, you all right, bro? Yeah. Like, when are you going to get serious about your life? You know? Now all those same people are saying, oh, Andy, I'm so proud of you. I can't believe. You know, I remember back when. And it's like, dude, you were the guy telling me to quit, you know? So all those people that are laughing at you, all those people that are making little remarks, and those are. That's fuel, dude. You should be grateful for that, because I never forgot it. I still remember it. I remember every single person, all of them. And for any of you listening, that ever said to me, I remember you, too, okay? I remember all of it. I'm like an elephant. I have, like, this permanent memory, especially when it comes to the negative energy that I receive for people, because I've become very good at taking that negative energy and then transforming it into productive action. And a lot of people talk about, oh, well, that's not the right way to do it. You know, you should be doing it for the right reasons. Well, what the is the right reason if the result happens? Okay? Does it matter? Does it matter what drives me? Does it matter what drives you? All right, it doesn't matter because you're trying to get to this place, and you have to use the right kind of fuel to get to this place. This is like saying, hey, I'm trying to drive to California. And, you know, I ran out of gas, and I could get ethanol, but I don't want to put ethanol in there because that's not the right kind of fuel. So you just sit there.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

All right. You got to use all the fuel, and you got to. You got to be grateful for it. So when these people do these things to you guys, especially when you're younger, just remember there's going to come a time where they have to eat their motherfucking words, and you're going to have the last laugh. All right? So don't be afraid to downsize. Don't be afraid to. To get your spending in order. Don't be afraid to, you know, maybe get a little bit smaller place or drive a shittier car or. Or minimize your bills in a way, or eat ramen or whatever you got to do. There was a long time, man, in the beginning days of business, where, you know, the way that we ate was because we were bartenders. You know, there's the bartender code where you go to other bars and they give you the hookup. We go. We go eat right, and we get free food because we knew these guys and we took care of them. We do what we had to do. And you have to, too. That's the name of the game. The good thing I will say for all of you guys out there trying to do it is that you live in an age where there's more opportunity for speed and velocity of what you're trying to create than there ever was for people that are my age. Okay? We didn't have social media. We didn't have digital ad spend. We didn't have any of this shit. We. We had radio, tv, newspaper, and hopefully word of mouth if we did a good job, which I'm thankful for because it gave us the fundamentals to understand what business is really all about. But that's a very slow process. So even though you might be feeling frustrated right now, you have to understand you're in a much better position than I was ever in. And if I'm being completely honest, and this is real truth, I swear, this is real shit. If I could trade places with any of you guys that were 20 right now, I fucking would. I give up everything I have and I'd start over at 20 because of the technology that's available to go at velocity. So.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah, I love that, dude. I love it.

[Andy Frisella]

If we had what y' all have, I would have created this entire thing in, like, seven years. I'd have been 27 years old, you know?

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

And it's proof there's other guys out there doing big business now that are 30 years old, okay. Because of the technology that's available, you

[DJ or Co-host]

should be the anomaly, like the Zuckerberg.

[Andy Frisella]

Correct, Correct. No, I mean, even in CPG, bro, there's guys out here who are doing at 25, 30, you know, 35. They're doing big things that wasn't possible for people that grew up in my era because the technology didn't exist. But the cool thing is, is. And I'm grateful for this, is that I built businesses before technology, so I understand the fundamental psychology of. Of people much better than what they do. You see what I'm saying? So there's advantages to both. You know, you're not going to get that experience because it doesn't exist anymore. But take it from me, you guys are in a really good spot.

[DJ or Co-host]

I love it, dude. I love it. I love it, man. Guys. Andy, question number two. Andy, I struggle with being too nice sometimes. I always try to bring others in or sharing things I've worked hard for. Any tips on. On how to actually be more selfish or how to. Or keeping my hard work and effort for myself. I feel like I'm limiting my outcomes by being too nice in this way.

[Andy Frisella]

You are. I struggle with that same problem. Believe it or not, what you guys see on the Internet, I always want to give more than I probably should. I think it served me well in the long term. I've gotten screwed over a lot. I've had a lot of people take advantage of me. And my advice to you would be to try and keep that good heart of giving. Try to keep that. That good part of you, that selfless part of you there. But learn where the boundaries are and learn what your responsibilities are and what they aren't. You know, if you are re. There can be such a thing as, like, toxic responsibility, all right? The amount, like when you start to feel. And this is. This hap. This happens to me. This has happened to me a lot. You know, I take it very serious when someone decides to bet on me, all right? Like, for example, like an employee or any of you guys or anybody that's relying on me to pay their bills, I take that very seriously. Very, very, very seriously. And because I always want to help people win, sometimes I've been too generous to where it be. It becomes a thing where they become entitled. And once they become entitled, they're no longer an asset to your. To your mission. Then they become a drag. So this is just a boundary question. You have to. You have to decide where your boundaries are going to be, and you have to make decisions about, you know, what you think they should be and stop. A lot of this comes from a fundamental need to please people, right?

[DJ or Co-host]

You can't make everybody happy.

[Andy Frisella]

No. And, dude, like, when I grew up, you know, when I grew up, I didn't get a lot of praise. I wasn't ever, like, I didn't ever feel like I was Appreciated. Right. And it created this thing in me where I felt like I needed to make everybody happy and then take care of everybody. And sometimes, dude, when you try to take care of people, they don't want to take care of themselves. Right?

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

And you can't want it more than them. And that's something that took me a very long time to understand, and it burned me a lot. And a few years ago, I would say five, six years ago, I learned, okay, well, there's boundaries to this, all right? If they show me, I can come towards them, but they got to meet me halfway. Right. So I don't think there's anything wrong fundamentally with wanting to be a good person, wanting to help other people be successful. But remember this, man, you're going to be able to help a lot more people when you are in a financial place to give. And by you doing what you're doing, you're trying to give before you even have. You're preventing yourself from actually getting, which prevents you from actually giving at scale. So you gotta be selfish to be selfless. And that's. That's something that we talk about a lot.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

You've got to take care of yourself first. And then when you take care of yourself, you're able to take care of people much better. So my advice to you would be very simply to understand you don't owe anybody anything. And whatever you decide to help them with is your good heart. And if people try to leverage you and make you feel guilty, they're the people. They're the last people you should help. All right? So learn to say no. Learn where the line is. Stick to it even when it's hard, because it will be hard. You're going to have to say no to people and you're. They're going to walk out of the room, they're going to be upset with you, and you're going to think, man, did I do that wrong? Or, you know, and then they're going to guilt trip you and manipulate you and gaslight you. And honestly, you start to realize who's really on your team and who's really not. Right. You start to see it a little more clearly.

[DJ or Co-host]

Oh, yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

And when you're a good person, this is a lot of what's going on in society right now. When you're a good person and you don't want to hurt people and you want to help people, it's really hard to see the bad in other people. Right. Like, all you know is that you have a good heart. All you know is how you feel. All you know is, I want to help people, so everybody must be like me. But the truth is they're not. Most people aren't that way. And that's why most people are most people. And you're working and not become most people. And you have to become that before you can actually help at scale.

[DJ or Co-host]

Kevin o' Leary has a really good. I remember seeing this clip of him on this topic, and his rule of thumb is, I will help anybody once. And like, I heard that. I'm like, damn, okay, what do you mean by that? He goes into. He's like, you know, I don't care if it's family, if it's friends, whoever. Like, I will help you. Like, you come to me. You need. You need 200 grand? Yeah, I got you. I don't want it back. I'm not.

[Andy Frisella]

Well, that's another thing.

[DJ or Co-host]

I'm need on a loan. Yeah, but don't ever. And he tells, like, don't ever ask.

[Andy Frisella]

That's another thing. Okay, One of my rules is absolutely, I do not loan money. I give money.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay. So if I ever give someone some help, I don't make it a loan. I make it a give. And the reason is, is because 99 of the time, you're not going to get the money back. That's right, you're not. And it's going to ruin relationships with people that you love and care about and friends. And you've got to be able to do it once and say, no, next time. And the other thing to realize here, dude, is that every time you save someone, you're preventing them from learning the lesson that's going to make them better anyway. Okay, so, so when you, when, when you, when you, when someone gets themselves in a bad position, let's say, you know, I don't know, they. They got a drug problem or, or they got behind on their bills or whatever, and you get in there and save them, they're just going to go do that same thing again because you didn't allow them to learn the lesson. And when you think about, like, the damage you're doing to someone long term by saying yes like that, it becomes easier to say no. Right?

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

So. And when you're young, when you're 20, you don't understand this. You don't understand that people have to learn their own lessons. And you're not the karma police, bro. You're not the protector of the bad karma.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

And one thing that will happen, man, and this is true, if you step in the way of someone else's karma. You're the one that takes the punch of it, and that's not good for you. So you've got to learn where you can help and where you can't. And I would highly suggest that if you do get in a position to help, don't make it loans. Don't make it conditional. Get. Make it a gift. And I think o' Leary's advice is really good. Just one time.

[DJ or Co-host]

One time, I hope he wants.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah. And. And if they. If they turn that into something, then maybe you can help them a little more, you know, like, maybe. Maybe, like, there's been guys I've helped who have taken it and ran with it and become built really good things with it, and then they come back and they say, hey, we need a little cash flow or we need an investment. And I'm like, well, fuck, okay, you've proven that you're that kind of person. Let's go. Yeah, right.

[DJ or Co-host]

Absolutely. So I want to hit on this, too, on the same point, because I feel like this could also get missed. Being selfish, to be selfless. This also doesn't mean you have to be an asshole.

[Andy Frisella]

No.

[DJ or Co-host]

You know what I'm saying? There's like, how. How do you. How do you.

[Andy Frisella]

That means you got to take care of number one, bro. Yeah. Number one is you.

[DJ or Co-host]

And that's okay.

[Andy Frisella]

That is okay.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

And people will guilt you, and they'll make you feel bad, and they're, you know, they'll. Humility signal and the gaslight, and they'll. They'll do all this to make it feel like you're a bad person, bro. Every single human on this planet takes care of themselves first. Every single person on this planet that makes a big difference takes care of themselves first. Gets them to a point where they can help, then they help. All right? And you can help along the way. All right? When I didn't have much, when I didn't have, you know, like, dude, I can remember giving. Look, man, people won't believe when I say this, but I know it's true. And I've got people that can validate it. Like, there's times in my life where, you know, I might have had a thousand dollars total cash, and I saw someone really struggling. I gave him a hundred bucks. That's a tenth of my. Of the money I have. Right. But I also believe that when you do good, you get good. And I've always believed that, and it's shown to be true in my life. And so I always gave what I Could, man. And I think, I think that's a big reason why, you know, opportunities have happened for me. There's not a. There's not a logical reason for it. I can't explain it. Yeah, but God and the universe and everything that's, you know, that we can't see rewards, that. Yeah, but you can't do it to a point where it's damaging you or holding you back of your own life.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah, that's so real, bro. That's real. Let's get to our third and final question, man. We got a leadership question, I guess, guys. Andy, question number three. Andy. As I grow in my career, I find myself leading people who I previously had either had negative experiences with or wrong impressions of. Most of the time it was the way I handled myself and the way that I led. I've changed the way I not only lead myself, but the people I'm around now. I have this burning desire to have one on one conversations and air things out, for lack of a better phrase. Is this my insecurities or do you feel it's necessary for me to do. To have a new relationship with these individuals? I'm also aware that talk is cheap and my actions will have to back these conversations up. But that's why I question if the chat is even necessary.

[Andy Frisella]

It's not.

[DJ or Co-host]

I just share with my actions.

[Andy Frisella]

It's not. Just make the change, start doing it. They'll notice. Okay, and here's the problem with explaining everything like, like you want to do. And by the way, I did, I've done that. So I'm not just like, yeah, I understand where you're coming from. Because here's what happens. You handle something poorly, you do something wrong, and you're like, I feel bad about that. And while it might be okay to go back up to them and say, hey, man, you know, I could have handled that a little better. But you understand what I'm getting at, right? Got to do this, we got to do that. That's okay. But when you start to over explain it and you start to show too much vulnerability in that situation, it comes off as insecurity, which, by the way, weakens your ability and your respect to lead these people and also shows them where your vulnerability is. And if they're not the right kind of person, they'll press that over and over and over again to get you to like, even feel worse. Okay. Because they feel like it benefits them. It doesn't, but they feel like it does. So my advice is that if you've been a Poor leader, and you recognize that you've been a poor leader, then just change the way that you're leading. And the rest of the team will follow suit. They will talk amongst themselves. They will say, man, you know what? Andy's like, really changed. You know, he's doing things a lot different. And that will earn the respect as opposed to trying to sell them on having respect through a conversation.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Now, like I said, if you do handle something poorly, there is a proper way to handle that. But it's not some long, drawn out discussion.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

It's. You walk up to him, you say, hey, Steve, look, dude, sorry, I got a little upset there. Here's the deal. I got upset because of this. It's nothing personal, but you understand why, right? I definitely could have handled it better. But you understand where I'm getting at, right? Yeah. All right, man. So I love you. I appreciate you. I lost my cool a little bit there, but it doesn't change the message that I was delivering.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

All right.

[DJ or Co-host]

For sure.

[Andy Frisella]

And that's. Those are the kind of ways that you. That you kind of do that.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah. From this dude, it sounds like this might have been, like, years ago, and now you're in, like, an actual leader. I don't know. And like, now he's trying to address that happened years ago. It's like, bro, they probably forgot that, right?

[Andy Frisella]

No, they probably didn't. But the longer that you go behaving the right way, they will. Right. They will forget that. And by the way, they. You shouldn't care if they forget it or not, man. Because if they forget it, then they don't recognize the progress you're making as a leader. Right.

[DJ or Co-host]

So that's a them problem.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, but I'm saying, like, you. You don't. You want them to recognize that you're making progress? Yeah. Okay, well, if they forgot about how you were before, then how can they recognize that you're doing a better job?

[DJ or Co-host]

I see what you're saying. Right. That's real.

[Andy Frisella]

So. So it's. It's irrelevant what they think before. What's relevant now is how you behave now and moving forward. And it sounds like you've already figured out what the problem is, and all you have to do is adjust your behavior.

[DJ or Co-host]

Okay.

[Andy Frisella]

And one of the most important things that you can do as a leader is to understand this leadership is a lifelong journey. You are going. There is no finish line for becoming a great leader. The leader that you are, 20, the leader you are at 30, the leader you are at 40. At 50. At 60 is always going to be a better version all the way up until you stop leading or die. All right? So it's a lifelong process, and all of us develop at different rates, and we're all making mistakes. So it's not like all these leaders that you look up to, who you see that you want to be like, haven't made these same mistakes. They all do it. You just don't see it. All right? So it doesn't mean that you're not a good leader. It means you're going through the process. In fact, I would argue the fact that you feel bad says that you really care about being a great leader. The worst kind of leaders are the ones that lead don't give a if they feel bad. All right? So I think the struggle and the question that you're. That you're asking is actually a sign of the awareness that you're going to become a great leader, dude. All right? So you just have to understand, change your behavior, start working forward. Don't worry about it. Forgive yourself for what you did in the past. Realize that is a part of the process. Just like when you start to learn how to ride a bike, dude, guess what? You're going to fall over a whole bunch of times. You know, you don't. You don't fall over a whole bunch of times and learn how to ride the bike and then say, man, I was so stupid, I fell over. You know, that's what everybody does. It's just the great leaders that you recognize as great leaders. You don't see them becoming great because they don't get recognized until they're great. So, like, you don't see, you know, John Wooden. You didn't see John Wooden, the greatest NCAA basketball coach ever. You didn't see him when he sucked as a leader. All right, Great leader. Right now on social media is Echelon front Jocko. Okay? Jocko and Leif. You didn't see them learning how to lead. You see them now, all right? You. You don't see these people when they're learning. All right? So you're learning and you're moving and you keep moving forward, and you're going to get better and better and better. And. And I think you're on the right track, dude.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah. Hell yeah, bro. It made me think, too. Like, dude, we're in. We're in Missouri, bro. This is the Show Me State. Yeah, just show him. Yeah, just fucking show.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, bro. I mean, he said it. Talk is cheap.

[DJ or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

No one cares about your talk, especially if you Already have a negative reputation. Like, if. If you're. If your team doesn't like you right now because they think you're a bad leader, and you go up and try to say, like, oh, I'm going to be a better leader. It's no different than when they come to you and they've been off for the last two years and they say, andy, I. I swear this time I'm really going to change. And I'm like, okay, okay, dude. Right? It's so different than your overweight friend who says, oh, dude, I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to lose weight. And he says it for 10 years, and then he gets pissed off that nobody believes him. All right? Like, you got to follow through, man. If you want respect as a leader, it's the same thing. If you want respect in any area, it's your actions, it's not your words. So don't worry about these conversations that you feel like you need to have. Maybe that's something you need to have with yourself and forgive yourself or in your prayer or whatever it is that you do, but let it go, dude, and see it as a part of your journey. This is what you are trying to become, and the fact that you are struggling is the evidence that you are working to become it. So, dude, just change. Yeah, get better. It's okay. Everybody up. Everybody struggles. Every leadership is hard. Management is hard. I think it's the hardest job that you could ever have, and it takes a long time to become great. This is why you don't see a lot of great coaches that are under 50 years old, man. Yeah, they exist, but they're anomalies, all right? It takes time, but you can do it, dude. And it doesn't matter if you were a leader before, bro. I was never a leader. I was never a leader. I wasn't the captains of my teams. I was always one of the best players. I was never a leader, dude. I was. I was. I was never a captain. I was never voted. I never even couldn't. I didn't even understand why. I'm like. I'm like, dude, I'm. I'm. I'm beating everybody's ass out here, like, captain over bro. But I wasn't leading. I was worried about myself. I wasn't worried about them. My intent was on me, not them. My intent was on me, not the team. When I was playing football, I want to know how many yards I got, how many tackles I got, I didn't care what the score was on the scoreboard, all right? That's not leadership. That's selfish in a negative way. You see what I'm saying?

[DJ or Co-host]

Absolutely, dude.

[Andy Frisella]

So absolutely, bro. It's the process, man. And if you find yourself working to become anything and it's very hard, that's a sign that you're on the right path. That's not a negative thing. Anything worthwhile is hard.

[DJ or Co-host]

Don't run from that.

[Andy Frisella]

No, it's a sign that you're on the right path.

[DJ or Co-host]

I love it, dude. Fuck, man. That was a quick hitter, bro. Yeah, I Fuck. I'm with it, dog.

[Andy Frisella]

Yep.

[DJ or Co-host]

I'm fired up.

[Andy Frisella]

Hey, man, you know, it is what it is. Let's get out there and beat some ass today.

[DJ or Co-host]

All right, let's do it.

[Andy Frisella]

We will see you tomorrow on cti. Don't be a hoe, Share the show, yeah.

[Unknown Rapper]

Went from sleeping on the flow now my jury box froze Fuck up boat, fuck up stove Counted millions in a cold, bad bitch Booted SWO got her own bank row can't fold just a no head shot case Close.