851. Q&AF: Dealing With Stress, Setting Healthy Boundaries & How To Find A Mentor

Summary

Podcast Summary: REAL AF with Andy Frisella – Episode 851: Q&AF: Dealing With Stress, Setting Healthy Boundaries & How To Find A Mentor

Release Date: March 10, 2025

In Episode 851 of REAL AF with Andy Frisella, host Andy Frisella delves deep into three pivotal topics that resonate with entrepreneurs and individuals striving for personal growth: Dealing With Stress, Setting Healthy Boundaries, and Finding a Mentor. Through insightful discussions and practical advice, Andy addresses listener-submitted questions, providing actionable strategies to overcome common challenges in both personal and professional life.

---

Introduction: Setting the Stage [00:16 – 07:13]

Andy Frisella kicks off the episode by outlining the show's structure, emphasizing the Q&AF (Questions and Answers Forum) segment where listeners' queries are addressed. He briefly touches upon various show segments, including CTI (Cruise the Internet), Real Talk rants, and 75 Hard Verses, highlighting the importance of mental transformation through programs like 75 Hard and Live Hard.

Notable Quote:

"Change your life with the program. It's free, episode two. eight in Audio Feeders." – Andy Frisella [02:40]

Andy underscores the program's significance in cultivating mental toughness and achieving life goals, encouraging listeners to share the show to spread its impact.

---

Question 1: Overcoming Stress and Distractions [07:13 – 13:28]

Listener's Concern: A listener expresses difficulty in managing stress, often resorting to distractions like excessive phone use, pornography, or drinking. Despite acknowledging these as ineffective coping mechanisms, they seek healthier alternatives to handle stress productively.

Andy’s Response:

Andy begins by reframing the listener's struggle as "losing the game of life to a fucking screen," emphasizing the battle against distractions that hinder personal growth. He outlines a two-fold solution:

1. Awareness and Discipline: Recognize when distractions occur and develop the discipline to shift focus towards productive activities. Andy introduces the concept of the Power List, a daily planning method that breaks down long-term goals into actionable daily tasks.

   Notable Quote:

   "Discipline is a perishable skill. If you don't practice it regularly, it goes away." – Andy Frisella [13:00]

2. Structured Daily Plans: By having a clear list of critical tasks, individuals can prioritize essential actions over fleeting distractions. Andy advocates for executing daily tasks before allowing time for leisure activities, ensuring progress towards goals.

Furthermore, Andy highlights the transformative power of the 75 Hard program in strengthening discipline and overcoming addictive behaviors, drawing from his personal experiences of battling weight and substance-related challenges.

---

Discussion on Stress: Understanding and Leveraging It [13:28 – 18:36]

Expanding on stress management, Andy delves into the nature of stress itself. He clarifies that most people equate stress with anxiety over unmet responsibilities rather than external pressures alone.

Key Insights:

• Redefining Stress: True stress arises from internal conflicts, such as anxiety over lacking abilities or unfulfilled tasks, rather than external events like job loss or breakups.

• Cycle of Stress: Taking breaks out of avoidance can perpetuate a cycle of increased anxiety and stress. Instead, confronting and executing necessary tasks mitigates stress more effectively.

• Expectation Management: The unrealistic expectation of a stress-free life exacerbates feelings of stress. Accepting that stress is an inherent part of striving for success is crucial.

• Positive Role of Stress: When leveraged correctly, stress can drive individuals to achieve higher levels of performance. Andy introduces the concept of a zero options mentality, where individuals feel compelled to act due to limited alternatives.

Notable Quote:

"Life is hard. Building something is hard. Becoming something is hard. Creating something is hard." – Andy Frisella [15:31]

Andy stresses that embracing the inevitability of stress and using it as a motivator is essential for long-term success and personal fulfillment.

---

Question 2: Setting Healthy Boundaries and Being Assertive [18:36 – 25:56]

Listener's Concern: A listener grapples with being overly accommodating, leading others to take advantage of them both professionally and personally. They struggle with asserting themselves and setting boundaries without feeling selfish or guilty.

Andy’s Response:

Andy addresses the importance of self-respect and the necessity of setting boundaries to prevent being walked over. He emphasizes that:

1. Personal Responsibility: Individuals are responsible for their own actions and well-being. Setting boundaries is a fundamental right that ensures others do not exploit them.

2. Identifying Manipulative Behavior: When others react negatively to boundary-setting, it often signals their intent to manipulate or take advantage, highlighting their character flaws.

3. Skill Development: Learning to say "no" politely yet firmly is a critical skill that fosters self-respect and garners respect from others.

4. Positive Reinforcement: The majority of people (Andy estimates 99%) will respect newly set boundaries, dispelling fears of widespread backlash.

Notable Quote:

"Saying no is a skill that is necessary for you to be a leader, for you to be great at anything you do, for you to be respected, and most importantly, for you to respect yourself." – Andy Frisella [20:53]

Andy recounts his personal journey of overcoming people-pleasing tendencies by recognizing the long-term benefits of self-respect over temporary harmony, encouraging listeners to prioritize their well-being.

---

Question 3: Finding a Mentor in Business [25:56 – 38:23]

Listener's Concern: A 25-year-old business owner in the auto parts industry, with five years of experience and no formal mentor, seeks advice on locating a business mentor to navigate the challenges of a fast-growing venture.

Andy’s Response:

Andy underscores the critical role mentors play in accelerating business success by providing guidance based on real-world experience. He offers the following strategies:

1. Seek Experienced Individuals: Engage with those who have successfully navigated paths similar to your own. Observing and learning from their decisions can significantly shorten the learning curve.

   Notable Quote:

   "The easiest way to get where you want to go, the fastest way to get where you want to go, is to talk to someone who's already been there." – Andy Frisella [26:45]

2. Evaluate Mentorship Sources: Be cautious of so-called "business gurus" or online coaches who lack tangible business achievements. Prioritize mentors with verifiable success and real-world business operations.

3. Invest in Education: Allocate resources towards learning through reputable sources, such as books by renowned business leaders (e.g., Sam Walton, Warren Buffett) and joining communities like ARTE that support business owners.

4. Active Learning: Engage in continuous education by reading, analyzing business moves, and dissecting strategies of successful companies to enhance problem-solving skills and strategic thinking.

5. Avoid AI Dependence: While AI can offer insights, Andy warns against relying solely on it due to potential inaccuracies, advocating for mentorship and learning from proven entrepreneurs instead.

Notable Quote:

"There's nothing new for someone who's never done something to resort to teaching. And then taking the money for teaching versus making a business that actually works." – Andy Frisella [30:30]

Andy emphasizes the value of proactive learning and critical evaluation of mentorship resources to build a solid foundation for sustained business growth.

---

Conclusion: Empowering Action and Continuous Growth [38:23 – End]

Andy wraps up the episode by reinforcing the importance of taking decisive action in all discussed areas—stress management, boundary setting, and mentorship. He encourages listeners to implement the strategies discussed and to continue sharing the show to foster a community of proactive and resilient individuals.

Final Notable Quote:

"All right, guys, let's go out, kick some ass. We'll see you tomorrow, CTI. Don't be a hoe share the show." – Andy Frisella [38:23]

---

Key Takeaways:

1. Manage Stress Proactively: Develop discipline and structured daily plans to minimize reliance on unproductive distractions.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries: Prioritize self-respect by learning to assertively set boundaries, thereby gaining respect from others.

3. Find Effective Mentors: Seek out experienced and successful individuals as mentors, and invest in continuous, quality education to navigate business challenges.

Andy Frisella's candid and pragmatic approach offers listeners valuable insights and actionable advice to enhance personal development and business success. This episode serves as a comprehensive guide for those grappling with stress, boundary-setting, and the quest for mentorship, emphasizing the power of discipline, self-respect, and strategic learning.

Transcript

[Unknown Rapper]

Yeah, went from sleeping on the floor now my jury box froze up Bow up stove Counted millions in a cold bad booted swole Got her own bank roll can't fold that's a no head shot case cloth.

[Andy Frisella]

What is up? Guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the Realist. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society, and welcome to reality. Guys. Today we have Q&AF. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. Now, you could submit your questions, which can be about anything a couple different ways. The first way is, guys, email these.

[Co-host]

Questions into ask andyforcella.com or go on.

[Andy Frisella]

YouTube on the Q and A F episodes. Drop your question in the comments. We'll choose some from there as well. Now let me give you a rundown on the show. We got shows within the show. Tomorrow we're going to have cti. That stands for Cruise the Internet. This is where we put topics on the screen. We speculate on what's true and not true. We make fun of a whole bunch of people and then we talk about how we the people have to solve some of these problems going on in the world. Other times we're going to have real talk. That's just five to 20 minutes of me giving you a short rant lesson. And then we have 75 hard verses. 75 hard verses where someone who has completed the 75 hard program comes on. The show talks about how their life was before, how their life is now, and how they use the 75 hard program to get where they are today. If you're unfamiliar with 75 hard is the initial phase of the Live hard program. The Live Hard program can be found for free at episode two.08 on the audio feed. All right, if you're unfamiliar with live hard and 75 hard, it is the world's premier mental transformation program. It will get you from being a turd into a polished herd. Okay, Change your life with the program. It's free, episode two. Eight in Audio Feeders. Also a book called the Book on Mental Toughness that has the entire Live Hard program plus a whole bunch of chapters on mental toughness, how to cultivate it, how to use it, and how to build the life that you want using it. You can get [e-mail] now, we are the world's largest show that doesn't run ads. The reason that we don't run ads is because I don't want to be told what I can and can't Say, by some knucklehead and some corporation that I don't even like. All right, So I financed the show myself so you don't have to waste half your day listening to ads. And in exchange, I ask, very simply, one thing. If you like the show, if it makes you laugh, it makes you think, if it gives you a new perspective, if you learn something, which you will today, that entertains you, if it gives you the giggles, do us a favor. Don't be a hoe. Share the show. All right. What's up, dude?

[Co-host]

What's going on, man?

[Andy Frisella]

Nothing.

[Co-host]

Yeah, we were just talking to. I really do think for some reason this daylight savings kicked my ass.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

I don't know why.

[Andy Frisella]

It's ridiculous.

[Co-host]

I've been doing it for 30 years. But it's just like this one. For some reason, it got me, bro.

[Andy Frisella]

I. I was thinking about this. I think that the powers that be intentionally make it dark during the winter so that we're all depressed.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

And we're less productive, less sunlight. I am less. Way less motivated, way less productive in the winter months than I am in the summer months. And way less happy. Yeah, it's that seasonal depressive disorder. Whatever. I need a light, bro.

[Co-host]

LGB something.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, yeah, of course. Oh, bro, did you see the comments on that short?

[Co-host]

On which one?

[Andy Frisella]

Other. Well, we'll talk about it tomorrow. Okay. Yeah, it was funny.

[Co-host]

No, but yeah, I mean, so I don't know, maybe. So maybe that's what it is. Like it's getting us out of that ick, you know?

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah. I don't know, dude. But I can tell you this. I would like it to be sunny until 9:00 at night.

[Co-host]

Do that. Be nice.

[Andy Frisella]

I like that. That's my favorite time of the year. Do when it, like, it doesn't get dark until like 9:15. Yeah, bro, that's the shit.

[Co-host]

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like days were longer when I was a little kid, man. You know, like, you know. Cause we were out, so the street lights came on.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah. What were you doing?

[Co-host]

Shit, you know. Stuff.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, stuff. Stuff you can't talk about.

[Co-host]

Stuff you can't talk about. You know?

[Andy Frisella]

What was your. What was your. What did you like to, like? What kind of games did you guys play when you were kids?

[Co-host]

Ooh. So we had this one game where we would. So, like where I grew up at, it was an apartment on a hill.

[Andy Frisella]

I'm being serious.

[Co-host]

I'm being dead ass serious. And so there was like, you know, my apartment, four family flat, There was an alley and Then there was this elementary school next to me called Gunlock.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay?

[Co-host]

And so my friends, you know, because it was on the hill, like, we had retained, like, this massive retaining wall, right? And then the elementary school was their recess yard, which, like, dropped fucking 30ft.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

And so what we would do is we would, like, go up on our porch and usually every day around, like, you know, after school, about an hour after school, we call it the crackhead parade.

[Andy Frisella]

Because they're a crackhead. Off the. Off the.

[Co-host]

No, they would, like, come by, you.

[Andy Frisella]

Throw it off the 30 foot drop.

[Co-host]

No, we just throw shit at them.

[Andy Frisella]

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's the game you play, bro.

[Co-host]

And who could hit it? And then we would run because they were fast.

[Andy Frisella]

They're all hopped up, bro.

[Co-host]

Listen, that's like a hundred.

[Andy Frisella]

That's like 110 octane, bro. You're asking me about my childhood?

[Co-host]

I'm telling you what we did. We threw shit at crackheads, man, Then run from them.

[Andy Frisella]

You guys didn't play any games, man.

[Co-host]

No, that was it.

[Andy Frisella]

That was it. You didn't, like, that was it.

[Co-host]

Then we, you know, we take, like, our bikes and stuff that we would, you know, get ownership of, and we put, like, bottles in the back tire.

[Andy Frisella]

So basically, everybody's bike was a community bike. Yeah, it was.

[Co-host]

Community bike. Yeah. That's why we didn't care. Like, we leave them. We didn't care.

[Andy Frisella]

That's a nice way to say it.

[Co-host]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, put little plastic bottles in the back tire, you know, roll around as like a little gang and stuff.

[Andy Frisella]

Oh, yeah. Make it sound like a motorcycle. Yeah, yeah.

[Co-host]

My friend put it in his front tire once.

[Andy Frisella]

And then, like, it's kind of the same stuff we did.

[Co-host]

Yeah, it's the same stuff.

[Andy Frisella]

We did it. We did the same thing. Ride our bikes. Build, like a little ramps and shit.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

You know, and then we played a lot of baseball, bro.

[Co-host]

We would mattress flip. You ever, like, do acrobat shit on mattresses that were like, you know, people threw out in the alley and shit?

[Andy Frisella]

No.

[Co-host]

Yeah, we did that, too.

[Andy Frisella]

Well, we play baseball like regular kids, dude. We probably played 5 million games of baseball. My bad days, like, that's all we did.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Played baseball every day with tennis balls and a broomstick.

[Co-host]

Yeah, there's a name for that. Like, there's a name.

[Andy Frisella]

Well, there's. There's cork ball, which is where it has, like a little bitty cork ball. It's like the size of a golf ball. And then a wooden stick. It's really hard to play.

[Co-host]

Okay. Because I've seen it playing with tennis balls, and they burn them. I never seen, like, a torch them and stuff. I don't know. It's weird.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, it was awesome. Yeah.

[Co-host]

But I mean, you know, like I said, bro, I mean, cultural differences. Same, same.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

Yeah. All right, well, let's make some.

[Andy Frisella]

I was trying not to make any jokes.

[Co-host]

I'm proud of you.

[Andy Frisella]

Today is serious.

[Co-host]

Yeah, it's a good day.

[Andy Frisella]

Tomorrow's joke day, so let's. Let's get on with it.

[Co-host]

Holding them all until tomorrow.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, that's right. I got a lot.

[Co-host]

Yeah, guys, I got three good ones for you, man. Let's. Let's knock these out, guys. Andy, question number one, Andy. Whenever I'm stressed, I numb myself with distractions. Strolling through my phone, porn, or drinking. I'm fully aware that these things don't actually help, but they're my default. I want to learn healthier ways to handle stress, but I don't know where to start. How do I stop turning to quick fixes and start dealing with stress in a productive way?

[Andy Frisella]

Okay, well, first of all, this is a really good question because a lot of people struggle with this, and I think if you put it in different terms, it's very easy to make the adjustment that you're looking for. And the terms that I would put it in is that you have to realize that you are losing the game of life to a fucking screen. Okay? You are losing the game of life to a screen. You are losing the game of life to women who have no idea who you are and don't give two shits about you. You are losing the game of life to an inanimate object of alcohol. All right? What this means is that you have to develop discipline. You have to develop the ability to recognize when it is you fall into this trap and how to get out of it. So the answer here is twofold. One, it's awareness. If you don't know that you're falling into these things, they can capture you, and you could get sucked into the vortex for, you know, half the day. And you know that happens. But since you're asking the question, I would say you're already aware that it's a problem. Okay? So you've already conquered that. That's a great thing. The next part is. Is the part of action where you. The. The first time that you think of it, the first time that it arises, the first time you're like, oh, I'm scrolling, or I'm letting it distract me. You need to get up and go do something that is productive towards your goals. And the reality here, guys, is that the reason this happens so frequently to people is because they don't have a clear cut plan for their day. All right? They set a goal and they say 1, 3, 5 year goal. And they don't actually break that down into critical tasks that you need to execute on for that day. And so if you have a plan and you have five critical tasks like we talk about in the power list, which you can get for free, it is the ultimate productivity method. It's the only method that I know of. And by the way, it's free. That will guarantee you that you get where you want to go in life. Guaranteed. Okay? If you execute it. So if you bring it back to a day by day by day plan, now you know what you have to do. And if you haven't done the things that you have to do, you shouldn't be scrolling, you shouldn't be drinking, and you shouldn't be looking at porn. Okay? I'm not here to judge any of those things. I'm just saying you want to get here, you've got to eliminate these distractions because you're competing against people who have already figured that out and are giving all of their effort to this. So you have to understand you're already behind because you're doing these things and you're competing against people who have already solved this problem and got it under control. So be aware, understand how to recognize when this happens. Work on your discipline, work to develop your ability to make the right decision when you know the decision needs to be made and it's not the thing that you want to do. And you can use 75 hard to do it. Everybody that uses 75 hard and does it the right way, they understand what I'm talking about. This will fix that problem for you. And then know what you have to do for the day. And if you know what you have to do and you execute on all five tasks, then scroll on your phone, okay? Like just understand it's okay to do some of the things you don't have to work 40 hours out of 24, man, it's okay to do things that are a waste of time that you enjoy after the things that are critical to getting you where you want to go are checked off the list. And so this is how you solve a problem like that. Ultimately, dude, it should piss you off that you're losing the game of life to literal inanimate objects. Like, that's like to me, that's where my mindset changed. All right? When I was 350 pounds and I realized that I was losing the quality of my life to, literally, food and beer. And all I had to do was to not do something to change my whole life, which was mean not to reach out and put that in my mouth, okay? And that thought process, like, I can handle losing sometimes to somebody who's really good and really works hard. I don't respect that. But I can't respect myself when I know I'm losing the game of life to things that have no literal power at all, and I'm giving them all my power. So I don't know if you're wired like me, but that pisses me off, and that makes me want to, you know, get in control of my game. And then you have to understand, too, guys, that discipline is a perishable skill. If you don't practice it regularly, it goes away. There's not one thing you're gonna do that's gonna develop discipline, and then it's just gonna stick for your whole life, okay? If you don't practice it, it goes away. When you practice it, it gets stronger. It's no different than training for an event or training to play an instrument or training your body. You're training your mind. And, you know, the more you train it, the stronger it gets. And if you cease to train it, it gets weak, and that'll go on your whole life. Let's.

[Co-host]

Let's talk a little bit about stress, right? Because he's mentioned then that, like, he does these things when he feels stressful. How do you look at stress? How should people look at stress? Like. Like what. What's the. What's the thing about stress? Nobody really wants to talk about that.

[Andy Frisella]

They're not actually stressed. Most people are stressed because they have anxiety about things that they know they should do, that they lack the ability to do, and it drives them crazy and then causes stress. So when we think about, like, how stress affects us, it's a very negative thing. But the reality is, is you're far less stressed when you're executing on the things that you know you need to do than you are when you're not doing those things. And there's a. Basically, like, a paradoxical type of thought process here, because people think that when you're stressed, you need to take a break. And then by taking the break, it pulls you further from the things that you know you need to be doing, which creates anxiety and creates more stress. So it becomes a Cycle that you can't break out of unless you actually go do the things you know you're supposed to do. So that's what stress is really about for most people. And I understand there is stressful situations. There's things like you lose your job or you go through a breakup, but those are temporary things. Those are things that happen to everybody, and that's called fucking life, man. And so life's not going to be easy. And also, I will say that the expectation of being stress free amplifies people's stress level, okay? So when you start to expect that you should be able to go out and achieve something and then feel no stress. The minute you feel stress, you get this amplification that happens. Because it's like the expectation is that I'm go, I should feel good, I should feel not stressed. I should feel easy, and this should be. And I should be able to do this and not feel these things. And then the minute you start feeling it, you're like, oh, dude, I'm so stressed.

[Co-host]

There it is.

[Andy Frisella]

Yes. So, dude, we end up in this. In this cycle. And the cycle can only be broken by having the proper expectations, okay? Life is hard. Building something is hard. Becoming something is hard. Creating something is hard. These are all hard things. And having the expectation that's going to be easy only makes it that much harder because every time the expectation is broken, you freak the fuck out. All right? So we have to understand that there's going to be stress either way. Dude, if you're going to go down the path of working hard, building something, creating something, becoming something, it's going to be fucking stressful. And it's also going to be stressful sitting at home, not being able to pay your bills or know how you could fill your car with gas, okay? So there is no path to anywhere in life that doesn't come with stress and anxiety. And the expectation that's created by all of these, you know, Internet wizards who know everything about everything, but, you know, magically haven't done anything, they try to tell you that you're supposed to go through life feeling peaceful and calm and all this. Well, dude, I'd be real. I don't know anybody that's built anything relevant to what you guys want to do with your lives that has built, you know, anything that, you know, we would. Any of us would say, oh, man, that's amazing. That walks through life, you know, like Buddha, stress free. Yes, bro. Because stress drives you to action, all right? Most people don't do their best work until they have to do their best work. They don't execute properly or at the highest level until their back is against the wall and stress is bearing down on them. And then they have no other opportunity or choice but to act. Okay? And this is what I call zero options mentality. When you are a young person, and you are not young in the game of entrepreneurship, you could be 50 and you start out trying to build these things, you don't have an option right now, okay? So you have to go out and you have to survive. And then as you become more successful and as you start to make money and as life gets a little comfortable, you have to trick your mind into believing that there is no other option but to execute. You have to. And that could come from a lot of different places. That could come from putting extra pressure on yourself so that you do feel like your back's against the wall. That could come from taking the focus on self. I want to make all this money to the team. I want my team to be successful. I'm responsible for their families. I'm responsible for their kids schooling. I'm responsible for what they eat. I'm responsible for what they live. And as you as the owner of the operator, when you take all that pressure and put it on, you think it makes you more stressed? Absolutely. But do you think you produce better results? Absolutely. So stress is not necessarily a bad thing. It's just how you leverage it in the proper way and then understanding you're going to have it no matter what you do in life.

[Co-host]

I love it, man. I love it. Let's roll a question. Number two. Andy. I've always been the nice one, the person who avoids conflict and goes along with whatever makes other people happy. But lately I've realized that I let people walk all over me both at work and in my personal life. I struggle to speak up for myself, and when I do, I feel guilty. Guilty afterwards. How can I start setting boundaries and being more assertive without feeling like I'm being selfish? Got like a true. What is this type B personality here?

[Andy Frisella]

I don't know what the type would be, but I think we all deal with this at some point in time. You know, you have to be like a sociopath to not care about how other people react to the way that you react to them. So I could understand how someone who is naturally passive and easygoing can feel awkward about setting boundaries, because I think we all struggle with that in certain areas of our life. So here's the reality, dude. You are responsible for you, and you are responsible for your actions. And you have a right to set boundaries to where people cannot walk all over you, take advantage of you. And when they try to make you feel guilty for setting those boundaries, you have to realize that that is a red flag for their character. That's saying, these people are trying to manipulate me. They're trying to get me to do something that I don't want to do and doesn't feel good to me for their benefit. And so when you start to set boundaries around things, really what happens is it kind of shows you who's who in your life. And a lot of people, you know, they never set boundaries and they do end up getting walked all over their whole life. And I could tell you, people that get walked all over their whole life, they can't make any money, they can't get successful, they don't have respect from their peers. And because they don't respect themselves. So you have to understand that when you set a boundary, it's not wrong. You should. Everybody should have healthy boundaries. Everybody else has boundaries. And one thing you should realize is all these people that you're afraid of hurting with your boundaries, they don't give a about taking advantage of you because you don't have any, do they?

[Co-host]

Right?

[Andy Frisella]

So you should think about that. If these people were really good people, they wouldn't press you the way they press you. They wouldn't step on you. But they're not okay. Most people have a human nature of how much can I get? Until they hit that wall of a boundary. And that's where the respect starts. So if you want respect and you want to be treated properly, you have to stand up for what you believe, when you believe it. And you could do that in a very polite way. You know, this isn't mean. Like you said, you know, I want to be nice, all right, bro, but you got to be nice to yourself, all right? And being nice to yourself starts with not letting other people step all over you because you're an easy going person. Don't let your easy going natural personality get in the way of having healthy boundaries because if you do, nobody's going to respect you. So we have to understand, dude, saying no is a skill. And a lot of times saying no, you could say it a nice way. But like, if they're pissed off or if they have a problem or they get weird, them, who cares? You got to take care of yourself first, bro. You could drive yourself crazy.

[Co-host]

They ain't supposed to be there anyway.

[Andy Frisella]

Then that's what I think.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

I think there's natural respect. I think the best quality. Human beings can sense other people's boundaries without them having to be set. And I think when really good people are starting to encroach on a boundary and they feel it, they will say something like, hey, dude, look, I know this is a little bit extra, but can we do this or can I do this or can I? They'll. They'll. They'll tread lightly because they care about your boundaries. And usually they're reflective of their own boundaries. So, like, if I'm going to ask somebody something that I know they're going to be a little uncomfortable with, I'm going to acknowledge that up front. I'm going to say, hey, man, look, I'm not trying to make it weird, but Bump. Right, right. And. And if they say no, you say, okay, cool. Totally got it, dude. I respect that. But that's the way adults communicate, and you need to learn that, or you will continue to get stomped on your whole life. And if you do, you're going to be at the end of the totem pole or the bottom of the totem pole everywhere you go.

[Co-host]

And I think. I think a lot of times, too, a lot of people kind of build these monsters up in their head of, like, what these situations are going to be like right now. Like, for this person, you know, I don't know how old he is. He didn't say, but let's say, like, this has been him his entire life, and he's just now having to start setting these boundaries. Can we clear the monsters? Like, I mean, what. What would you say? The percentage of people that are going to respect him setting these new boundaries for the first time ever, what's it actually going to be versus what he might be thinking in his head?

[Andy Frisella]

99 of people are going to respect it. And there's going to be 1% of people that are like, what the, dude, I thought we were. Blah, blah, blah. Those people aren't your friends, okay? And then here's the other thing you got to understand, dude. If you do not set those boundaries, what ends up happening is, is you end up bitter because you look at the world as the world is abusing you. You look at the world as the world is taking advantage of you. You look at the world as if they're. They hate you, and it causes you to get super pissed. And the reason that you're super pissed and you feel this way isn't the world. It's because you're not naturally standing where you should be. Standing on your limits, right?

[Co-host]

Nobody gonna give a about you like you give a about you.

[Andy Frisella]

Well, you know, unfortunately, there is a lot of people who are very selfless. Dude, there's a lot of people who are so selfless and so good that they allow themselves to be taken advantage of because they think they're not trying to rock the boat. And, you know, they're like, well, you know, so and so struggling with this or. So they make an excuse for everybody. And, dude, like, I'll be real, dude. I used to struggle with this big time. And you got a big heart. Yeah, bro. I care about people, you know, and, dude, like, I've learned at this point in my. In my life that, like, almost everybody. Almost everybody I'm around now is respectful. But it wasn't always that way, dude. I learned that by getting taken advantage of for years and years and years. And. And, dude, saying no is a skill that is necessary for you to be a leader, for you to be great at anything you do, for you to be respected, and most importantly, for you to respect yourself. Okay? If you go home every day and you look in the mirror and you're like, fuck, dude, I let all these people step all over. What? How can you look in the mirror and respect that? Dude, you can't. It's impossible. So we have to understand that respect for self comes first, and respect for self comes from developing discipline, doing the right thing, executing on what we need to execute when we don't feel like executing on it, and then having boundaries and saying no to things that you don't want to do. And your life gets a lot easier when you get comfortable doing that.

[Co-host]

Yeah, that's real, man. I love it. But guys, let's get our third and final question in here. We got question number three. My question for you, Andy, is about business mentors. How do you locate a mentor for background? I am 25. I run a small, fast growing business in the auto parts industry. I'm about five years in business. I've started to get this feeling of no man's land. I don't necessarily have a business mentor. The closest thing for me, for me is continually listening to your podcast and using the tips and advice to provoke my own thoughts and relate that to where I am day, week, period of time in business. Is there a point in business where you feel it's crucial to have a mentor or is it not necessary? Interested in your thoughts on this?

[Andy Frisella]

The easiest way to get where you want to go, the fastest way to get where you want to go. Is to talk to someone who's already been there. All right? If you're trying to forge a path to this destination that you've never been to, it's like trying to cut the path through the forest with an ax. It takes a long time. It's really hard. It's really exhausting. But if you could find the guy who's already been there, that guy's gonna say, hey, no, no, no, here's the path, bro. And he's already cut all the trees on the way there, and he knows the path. So having someone who's been where you want to be is invaluable. It's very, very important that you find someone to follow, even if it's passively following them, meaning like you're watching from a distance. That's what it was like for me. Okay? We didn't have social media. We didn't have the ability to, you know, learn from people who have actually built businesses. I had to find people and sort of watch them and analyze them from afar. And I'm glad it was that way, because what it did was it taught me how to think. I would look at someone, I say, I wonder why they're doing this. I wonder why are they doing that? How's this affecting that? Did they make the right decision? What if they would have thought that? So it created this analytical business habit of thinking through all the options, which I think today is probably my best skill. I wouldn't have learned that as effectively as. As I did if I had someone telling me exactly what to do. So you can have one just like you listen to me. And there's other people out there who have done what you want to do. I'm sure on social media, they probably done exactly what you want to do. I would pay attention to what they do, how they do it, try to figure out why they do it on your own. Then I would go out and I would make an investment in your own education. Now, people go out and they spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to get a education, quote, unquote, from major universities that are taught by that have never done the thing they are teaching. And that's very much so how the Internet is today, too. We have thousands of people out there teaching skills about how to do things that they've never done. Okay? And in the university, it's the same. It's the same. All right, so it's nothing new for someone who's never done something to resort to teaching. And then taking the money for teaching versus making a business that Actually works. So a lot of these Internet, quote unquote business gurus are full of shit, and you shouldn't listen to them. The ones you should listen to are people who have built actual things, who sell actual products, who have been doing it for a long time, who have hundreds of thousands, if not millions of customers, who have employees, who have built actual businesses, who understand how to market because they built big brands. Marketing, all of these things can be vetted out by paying attention. Is this person making all their money selling coaching, or is this person coaching because they've been successful in other businesses? One of them will make an amazing mentor to you. The other one will be a waste of your time. Okay? So ask yourself qualifying questions. Figure out who you need to, you know, talk to and. And resonate with and learn from who's actually done the thing or something very close to what you have done. Right. Maybe they didn't run. What do you say? Auto parts?

[Co-host]

Yeah, auto parts.

[Andy Frisella]

Maybe they didn't run auto parts, but maybe they ran a different kind of business that sold widgets, and then they vertically integrated all the widgets, and then you can look at that model and say, well, this will work over here. All right? So business, doing business and talking about business is two different things. The Internet is totally infested with frauds who charge money for things they don't know. And you can't find their companies. You ever notice that when you see these guys and they talk about all these businesses, you. You can't ever see them. They're never there. They're never at. They're never at their headquarters. They're never. They never show their actual businesses. That's a red flag, bro. You follow me? I'm here every day, dude. I'm showing you all the shit I got going on, you know, so you just got to be smarter than these fucking predators, dude. And there's a lot of them on the Internet.

[Co-host]

Let me ask you this just about, you know, because, I mean, you've been in business 26 years.

[Andy Frisella]

Well, hold on. The. The point I'm trying to make here is there's two ways you can fucking learn from it. You can learn from observation, or you can actually get hooked in by making an investment in your education. And the answer is you should do both.

[Co-host]

Yeah. Now let me ask you, because you. You have been in business for 26 years, and I guess my question is more about, like, the evolution of business. Transparency, we'll call it. Right? Has it always been this way where you have, you know, these owner operators these CEOs that are so willing to show the, the deal. Right. Like, was it always like that? Because, I mean, I don't know, I mean, you've been in business.

[Andy Frisella]

What do you mean always like that?

[Co-host]

Like, were business owners always so eager to share, you know, the past?

[Andy Frisella]

Business owners usually aren't eager to share.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Because they're busy running their businesses. Okay. I'm probably one of five people on the Internet that actually operate real businesses.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Real talk.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, Now I understand, you know, there's ways to get started. Right. I'm not knocking the kids that are going out there and, and trying things and then failing and, you know, learning the pro, learning how to do E comm and all these are valuable skills and you can do these things. But what I am knocking is the 19 year old that, that thinks he knows everything about business, teaching 17 year olds to do it, or the guy who doesn't actually have a, an actual business, but he's got a big flashy lifestyle and he's like, hey, let me. You pay me and I'll, I'll make you a millionaire. Like, dude, that's okay. So I don't think that it's ever been in my 26 years. It's just different, bro. Like, I had to read books about people and that's what I would recommend that you guys do. Like, I read books about Sam Walton, about Warren Buffett, about Phil Knight, you know, all these different guys who were, I mean, dude. And I'm talking dozens and dozens of them. Yeah, all these entre. And by the way, war or Sam Walton's. You guys should all study Sam Walton. That dude, that dude was a true business innovator. He was obsessive about being better. Everything that that guy did is really the, the substance that creates massive success. And I learned a lot from him. It was actually the first book I ever read. It was like, it was called the American Way or Walton's Way or some. It was, it was a great book. And I read it when I was a kid. I've read it many times since. But you can read, dude about all these guys and there's tremendous. Dude, I've read a lot about Trump. You know, like people say, oh, Trump got a million dollars, bro. Compared to what Trump built. A million dollars is like if someone would have gave me a thousand dollars. Right? It's. There's just a lot you can learn from, from, from the information that's out there, dude. And I wouldn't rely on AI. I wouldn't a Lot of the on AI is not even accurate, dude. You guys don't understand that, like, it's. It's given information that isn't true, and then you guys listen to it and it's not there. I mean, it's good for some things, but I can identify things that you ask it that are highly inaccurate because I'm an expert in that field. So we got to be discerning about where we take the information. And there's plenty of information to either find a mentor or create one in your mind who is sort of like somebody that you look up to that you try to learn from, that you try to emulate. And, you know, I would do all of those things. I would read books, obviously. Okay. It's part of the Live Hard program. Every day, you should be reading something that is going to be geared towards pushing you down the road further. I'm not talking about 50 Shades of. I'm talking about. I'm talking about stuff that you're going to learn things from.

[Co-host]

Yeah, right.

[Andy Frisella]

You should be reading 10 pages a day. That keeps the mind stimulated. It keeps you creative. It keeps you focused on where you're going. I would find people who are doing things, and then I would, like, stalk the out of them. Not, like, literally, like, I wouldn't show up their house legally. Yes. I would read everything you can read. I would learn everything you can learn. I will watch every move they make, and I would try to dissect why they're making said moves. All right, you can. This is valuable because it teaches you how to think. If. If you're watching someone and they're making moves and you don't understand it, you should be like, why are they doing that?

[Co-host]

Why did they do that?

[Andy Frisella]

Because you know that the interest of them making that decision is in their best interest, in their mind. So what are they thinking? Why would they do that? Right. That can teach you more than anything, in my opinion, because it teaches you how to solve problems, and it also teaches you how to steal good ideas from your competition before they ever hit the market. Right. There's a lot of companies that would be smaller than you that make really good decisions. But when you're a bigger company, you have much more audience. You can look at that and say, well, that's a great idea. And then when you do it, it's going to seem like you did it first. And that's something that is very. That's a whole nother topic. Because bigger companies do it to bigger companies all the time. So there's a catch 22 there. Like, you could do it to some people, but they're going to do it to you too, right? But, you know, analyzing, like we're talking about, and then also, you know, spending your money on learning more. You know, a lot of people are unwilling to make simple investments in their future. Like, bro, if you're, you know, a lot of these programs are a hundred, you know, 200, 300 bucks a month, and you say, oh, my God, I can't afford that, bro, that's two nights out a month. The you talking about you're not willing to stay home for two nights or three nights a month and learn how to get better so that you don't have to worry about going out to eat and looking at the menu or worrying about putting gas in your car. Like, bro, you have to make those investments and you have to equate them to what you're actually giving up. Like, bro, what are you giving up for 100 bucks a month? One night out, maybe? What do you. Two pizza deliveries versus what do you stand to make? That's what I'm saying, bro. Like, and there's lots of little programs that you can get into that can help. You know, that's what ARTE is. We. We deal with, you know, small, medium, and large business owners who, you know, they pay a monthly fee, and we get in there and we teach them how to do things and then they connect in the community. So, like, you know, I would be open to that. I think that's a good thing. If you're learning from the right people. And if you're learning from the wrong people, it can be a very bad thing.

[Co-host]

Yeah, I love it, man. Well, guys, that was three.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, guys, let's go out, kick some ass. We'll see you tomorrow, cti. Don't be a hoe share the show.

[Unknown Rapper]

Went from sleeping on the flow now my jury box froze Fuck up bow Fuck a stove Counted millions in a cold bad bitch booted swole got her own bank row can't fold just a no head shot case Cloth, cloth.