On today’s episode, Andy answers live call-in questions on how to find like-minded driven people in your success journey, how to feel proud of your progress without feeling guilty, and how to face the fear of rejection, especially when you know...
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Andy Frisella
Yeah, went from sleeping on the floor now my jury parks froze up pole stove counted millions in a cold bad booty swole got her own bank roll can't fold just a no head shot case close. What is up, guys? It's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realists. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to reality. That's what we're doing.
DJ
All right. It is what it is, you madot.
Andy Frisella
No, you can't add more. You're gonna ruin the show.
DJ
Sorry.
Andy Frisella
All right, anyway, today we have Q&AF. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. All right, you can submit your questions a couple different ways. The first way is, guys, email these.
DJ
Questions into ask andy@andyforcella.com or you go.
Andy Frisella
On YouTube in the comments. Ask your question in the comments. Or if you want to call in on the show, go to the link right underneath the YouTube video. Click that link, fill out your question, and you could talk to us live on the show. Maybe, maybe if you don't ask some dumb. All right, but that's how we do it. Now, if you're new, which we're getting a lot of new people right now, welcome. This isn't the only format of the show. We have shows within the show. All right, we have today we have Q and a, folks. Tomorrow we have cti. It stands for cruise the Internet. That means we're going to put topics on the screen, we're going to speculate on what's true, what's not true, and then we're going to talk about how we the people have to solve these problems going on in the world. It's half comedy, half real stuff. All smoke. All right? Then we got real talk, which is 100 all smoke. And then we have 75 hard verses. 75 hard verses where somebody who's completed the 75 hard program comes on the show. We talk about how they were a dumpy turd and how they use the 75 hard program to not be so dumpy. All right? They get their stuff together. You get the whole 75 hard live hard program at episode 208. If you're unfamiliar with live hard, it is the entire year long mental toughness program. It is the most popular mental toughness program ever in history. And it's free. You can get the whole thing at episode 208. All right? There's also a book available. The book is called the book on mental toughness. You can get that at andy vercella.com and I also have a big, big drop coming on. I don't know. We'll say right around July 4th. Just right around there. So if you know, you know. All right, now, we don't run ads on the show. Now, I know some people in YouTube that are not very smart, say, well, YouTube runs ads in your show. No shit. I can't help that. We don't run ads on the show. I don't pick up products and say, Hey, 14 times a show. Okay? We finance the show ourselves. I don't want to answer to anybody. So I asked very simply to help share the show. All right? We put a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of money into delivering these messages, and we would like your help sharing the show. So we got a little thing that we say here. It goes like this. Don't be a hoe.
DJ
Share the show.
Andy Frisella
So let's. Let's do what we got to do here, man. You know, we. We make people better on Mondays. And then. Huh?
DJ
I got better today. I got to drive a pretty sweet car. Yeah, like 10ft.
Andy Frisella
Yeah. That's all. I trust you to drive it.
DJ
That fucking car.
Andy Frisella
You didn't wreck it, did.
DJ
You fucking know? Come on, man. Come on. I can drive.
Andy Frisella
Yeah.
DJ
Fuck. That thing is like. It was like, dj, go. Like, that's what it was saying.
Andy Frisella
Oh, yeah.
DJ
Like, I started it up. It was like, let's go.
Andy Frisella
Yeah, that's what it says. Yeah. GT Black series. Amg. GT Black series.
DJ
It's so sick. It's so sick.
Andy Frisella
Dude, I love that car, too, man.
DJ
Yeah, it's. It's. Dude, I. I was holding the break more than.
Andy Frisella
I've almost sold it. I've almost sold it a couple times and traded in for the new 3Rs, but I think it's. I don't know, man. Like, I like it better, dude.
DJ
It's nasty. Yeah, it's n. That. That's a. That's a beast. Yeah, that is a beast. But yeah, man, let's get to. Let's get to making some other people to better.
Andy Frisella
Better today.
DJ
We got some good ones for you guys. As always, we're with a call in.
Andy Frisella
Or a call first, man.
DJ
I got. Got my man Jeremy waiting. So let's. Let's. Let's give Jeremy a call.
Andy Frisella
Hello, Jeremy.
DJ
What's up, dude?
Jeremy
Hey. How's it going?
DJ
What's going on, man?
Andy Frisella
What's up, Jeremy? How you doing, bro?
Jeremy
Doing good, doing good. We're getting some cars ready for the local car show tonight.
Andy Frisella
We're at.
Jeremy
We're in Oregon, fio, little tiny town. They shut down the main street and. Yeah, so I ain't got nothing cool like you, but I got some old chevy blazer and C10 that I'm taking down there, bro.
Andy Frisella
That's, that's cool. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, so what else?
Jeremy
Yeah, no, go ahead. Oh, go ahead. I was gonna say. Yeah, just. Yeah, I enjoy seeing your cars. That's just inspiration for me. I'm definitely into the cars and the motivation that way. It definitely helps.
Andy Frisella
Yeah. You know, a lot of people don't realize how motivational and aspirational cars are for people that love them, you know?
Jeremy
Yeah. Yeah.
DJ
Sweet, man.
Jeremy
So I guess my, my struggles per se would be in the making relationships with like minded people on the same, same path or even just finding those people. I grew up and kind of came really independent early on. Grew up with divorced parents and my dad was not a great role model. So throughout that I had to kind of grow up young and got really hard to trust people and to, you know, give people the chance, you know, and then getting kind of burned a few times and it just made it harder and so I guess looking for input that way.
Andy Frisella
All right, so it's real simple. That's called life, bro. Like, you know, I grew up the same way, dude. Like, my parents been divorced since I was 5 years old. I've been over by every single motherfucker I've ever met in my life with the exception of like 10. Okay? The world sucks most of the time. That's why it's important that we have to live to a high standard. And here's the thing. You don't need anybody to trust or believe in you or support you to do what it is you're. You're wanting. You're wanting to do. So, and the quicker that you build yourself into a person who is doing things, the, the quicker you're going to find other people that are aligned with that. Right. Nobody that's actually doing things out there at a high level wants to waste their energy or time with someone who's not. So this is a common struggle with a lot of people who are trying to level up their, their networks. And when you're trying to level up your networks, it's important that it's very clear. You may not have the result, but you're doing everything you can to live at that standard. You know, behave like them, act like them, be ambitious, be somebody who attacks, be. Be somebody who's aggressive. Be somebody who is looking to provide value to the people around them, not just take value. And those efforts are recognized by friend circles and peer circles that we would say are more down the road of the success journey that you might be right now. So I'm not saying you have to go out and produce the result. That always helps. But what I found, and I've had this happen to me many times, is that people who were above me in the. In the success journey were able to recognize that, man, this guy's hustling. He's doing everything he can. He's working hard, he cares. Let me see how I can help this kid out. And, you know, I've had a number of those people along the way, you know, come in and then, you know, out of my life as I outgrew those people. So we have to understand, dude, that like, very few friendships are permanent. Many of them serve a point in our lives, and then when they no longer serve either party, people grow apart. This happens in friendships. This happens in relationships. That's a normal part of life. A lot of people are wired to think about what they can get, not what they can give. And those people never win long term. And I know that it's difficult, and I know it feels lonely, but. But the reason it feels lonely is because it's rare. And you have ambition, you have drive, you have the want and the will to do bigger things. And not everybody has that, man. So when you have that, it's going to make you feel like you're alone. It's going to make you feel like you're the only one, but you're not the only one. There's lots of people like that. And the quickest way for you to become surrounded by that, you know, is basically twofold. One, make sure that you're putting the effort in and living the lifestyle of a person that would be at that level. And two, make an intentional effort to be around those people. You know, this is one of the reasons that Arete is such a successful program for entrepreneurs, is because people have a hard time connecting with other people that are ambitious, have drive, have focus, don't want to live the average Joe life. And so they join groups, you know, and there's other ones, too. This isn't a pitch for Arete. It makes no difference to me. But they join these groups intentionally so that they can be surrounded by people like that. But I will tell you that even in those groups where people pay to be a part, you are still going to have people that want to take. You are still going to have people who are there for them not to contribute. And so you just have to have. You have to develop more of a filter for understanding what someone's real actual motivation is very quickly. And that will reduce the amount of heartbreak that you have, you know, because when you're a good person and you give people the benefit of the doubt, and then they end up burning you, you know, and that happens dozens of times, man. It does start to wear you out, you know, And I've struggled with this myself because, like, dude, I try to help everybody around me. I try to help everybody be successful. I tend to take everybody's problems and put them on my back, which is very difficult. And it's why I think I'm a. I'm a. I've been an effective leader. I won't even say a good leader, because I'm in a. I'm in the process of becoming a better leader every single day. But, you know, bro, it's just a hard thing. And, you know, good comes with the bad. So when you have this want and this will and this desire to help people and you put their problems on your back to fix, a lot of times, those people won't reciprocate. And that's just reality. So we have to become more finely tuned. But here's what I'll say. Out of all the times that I've been over, there's been way more times where I've developed great relationships and done good things and had great times and built, you know, good friendships, and it's worth being that way. It's worth being that way even with the. The times you're gonna get with. So, bro, I. I just. You know, you gotta understand the nature of the world. You know, the. The world isn't what we want it to be. It's what it is. And we have to. We have to realize that being a good person, trying to contribute, trying to do the right thing is not always reciprocated, man. And that's just called human nature. You know what I'm saying?
Jeremy
Yeah. And I think. I mean, that's. I mean, I've been listening to you for five years now. A buddy of mine turned me on to you, and I really validated a lot of. Honestly, how I felt for a long time, but, you know, just feeling kind of, like, held down, you know, from people around me, in a sense. And since then, you know, I've had a big change. And I. You know, during COVID I left my job that I was out of. Started getting told to put a mask on and got my construction license and just been doing my own thing and been. It's been good, but it's been very challenging because I feel like it's, you know, the higher standards you start putting yourself to, the more. Like, it seems like you have a target on your back because everyone's like, now, oh, you think you're better than us or this or that and the other. And honestly, been dealing it mostly in family and, wow, well, brother, you are better.
Andy Frisella
Just own it. Like, the quickest way to get over that is when they say, oh, you think you're better? Just be like, yeah, yeah. Like, that's. That's what I do pretty quick. Yeah. And then I. And then I don't deal with the anymore because they can't say it again. And whether I believe it or not, they perceive me to think that I'm better. And no matter what I say, no matter how I argue, no matter how I try to convey to them, like, hey, I don't think I'm better than you. I've just chosen a different path. I will just say, yeah, because I don't want to waste the time, you know? Yes, you're correct. Because I know from my experience that there was. There is no convincing them otherwise. And that is not a problem with you, bro. That's a problem with them. Their own limitations, their own regrets about how they gave up on themselves. And we have to accept that. And I know it's frustrating, but, bro, that shit is only going to get worse and worse and worse. And then once you cross a certain line, once you cross over into, like, undeniable success, those same people are going to be saying, man, dude, I knew Jeremy when he was just a young buck and he was getting started, and I always believed in him, right? And, like, you're gonna laugh and roll your eyes, and, you know, it's all gonna come full circle, bro. Like, you just can't. You can't let that weigh you down, dude. Like. Like, look, you know, I see this problem all the time, man. I see all these people who let people who are close to them or even random strangers on the Internet who aren't doing. Who are sitting at home with their Cheeto fingers, you know, eating their Hot Pockets in the basement. They've never built anything, you know, they. The only thing they've ever built is a good set of man titties. Like, these are losers, dude. And they're always gonna be. And it's unfortunate, and I hate to say it that way, but it's just the truth. And winners don't like losers, and losers don't like winners. That's just the nature. That's the nature of human beings. All right, so you're on the path. Go ahead.
Jeremy
No, I was gonna say, like, honestly, I mean, correct. I mean, we've been having some just ridiculous family stuff going on, and. And, like, the people. Nobody will be accountable for the truth. Like, your choices you make, the actions you do. You know, the choice. Like, you literally choose to make your own truth. And so many people just won't even. Won't even accept their own choices and truth. And then it's like, you're the bad guy.
Andy Frisella
Yeah, no, but that's because you did and they. They didn't. And that's always going to be the case, bro. If you want to be like them, go hang out with them and. And. And listen to their. Because that's what the. They want. Because then you're not a reminder. Every single day, every single time they got to think about somebody from their family who's actually doing something, it reminds them that they haven't done with their life, bro. And you're exactly right. The result of one's life is a choice. Whether it's a voluntary choice or an involuntary choice. Most people think that the only time that life is a result of their actions is when they do the right things. And they fail to recognize that the passive choices they make when they're not engaged in trying to be better, they create the opposite result. And so you are correct. They do choose it, but they will never admit that, bro. And you will spend your entire life trying to get those people to see it, and they will never see it. So my advice to you, brother, is to understand you are on a different path. They will never get it. They will never clap.
Jeremy
They will never.
Andy Frisella
They will never cheer until it's so undeniable that you are winning. And then they'll come back around. But they'll only come back around because they think they can get something from you, okay? Or they think. Or. Or they think they can, like, get clout by saying, oh, yeah, Jeremy's my homie.
DJ
That's my nephew.
Andy Frisella
Right, exactly. So, like, bro, listen, just because someone's related to you doesn't make them your people. And that's the point, all right?
Jeremy
That's right.
Andy Frisella
That sucks. Like, I know it sucks, bro. It hurts. It's not fun, but it's reality.
Jeremy
Yeah. No. I got told I was a horrible person, and my kids were gonna hate me and all this stuff. Literally yesterday I had to kick my mother in law and her husband out of my house because they were just completely disrespecting my wife and tearing her down and seeing what she was, you know, what was happening to my wife. I was like, you need, you need to leave. Like, I'm not, I'm not gonna sit here and let this happen, you know. And then of course, it's just like, you're such a horrible person.
Andy Frisella
Hey, that's, that's the right thing to do, bro. You don't want that negative influence around your kids. You don't need to hear it. Your kids are not going to hate you. They're going to be proud of you for doing what's required. As long as you explain to them along the way, like, hey guys, I'm doing this because of this and this and this. And yes, I might miss, I might miss baseball one time, I might miss soccer one time, but I'm trying to create a life so that you guys can have, you know, can play soccer and you know, like these. As long as you explain it along the way, they're going to fucking respect you for it. And good for you for being man enough to kick those motherfuckers out of your house, bro. Because most people will just eat it.
Jeremy
Oh, man. It was. Yeah. I mean, between trying not to explode and just become part of the problem and just like, no, we're just not doing this, you know, and yeah, you know, Jeremy, being a dad and it's, that's tough.
Andy Frisella
Yeah, well, listen, that's the toughest path you've ever picked, taken your life is being an entrepreneur. And I'm sure being a dad on top of it makes it even that harder. So it's going to be tough. That's it.
Jeremy
No, it's tough, but it's so rewarding, you know, I mean, that's what I always tell people. Like, you know, like for me, like we've got friends that, you know, I've turned them on to listening to you and you know, got them going to church and stuff that just, you know, bettering their lives and watching, watching things change and it's, it's awesome. And then it's just like you get the people to come and they just want to kick you all, you know, all they can and try to make life hell. And it's just like, I don't have time for that.
Andy Frisella
That's right.
Jeremy
You know, you don't when it's family and trying to explain that you know, it's like, my kids understand. Like, we're. I told my wife, the only thing we can do is just give them as much of the truth is as we can really give them without, you know, making it more than it needs to be to them.
Andy Frisella
Right.
Jeremy
But, you know, they're. They're pretty receptive. I mean, my kid. Well, it's my middle daughter's birthday today. She just turned 8 today, so we're celebrating that too. But. Yeah, no, it's a tough one. You know, I've always told people, like, not really having the parents, you know, that I would have hoped when I grew up, but trying to be that.
Andy Frisella
Person now, that's your job. Your job is to give them the life that you didn't have, that you needed. Okay? Not. There's not a. In this room that grew up with a perfect family sitting in. I'm sitting with five other guys.
Jeremy
Yeah.
Andy Frisella
I could tell you a story about every single one of them and myself and probably 98 of the people that work in this building. So don't feel sorry for yourself. That white picket. No, no, listen to me. That white picket fence, perfect family. That's a lie. Very few people have it, so you can't say, oh, well, I had. Didn't have this or that. Yeah, you and everybody else, bro. Like, it's, you know, like, it's your. You have an opportunity to do the right thing. You learn your lesson. It's like what they say about people who, you know, are close to, like, a drug addict. Like, I gotta. I got a cousin, a distant cousin who. His dad is a alcoholic and he's never drank before. And you know that. It's like they say, like, when you have an example, you choose to be.
Jeremy
Like them or against them.
Andy Frisella
That's right. And you're choosing the right path, man. And you should be proud of that.
Jeremy
Yeah. No, and I, you know, I think, honestly, talking to you, I mean, super thankful to get to talk to you, it's a. Kind of helps validate your feelings when you feel like you're just fighting against the world, that you don't have many people sitting behind you at this time, you know, because I'm early on into all this and. And being that we're obviously on a different path than most of our family. And it's just like you said, it feels lonely at times. And, you know, getting to talk, like, I've looked up to you, like, as a mentor. You know, it's like I told my wife, I was like, yo, Engine, dj, are Doing a Collins now. And she's like, oh, my gosh, I don't think I could ever do that. And I was like, well, I sent in a question. So good to talk to you. I mean, it's just awesome, you know, like, like I said, I really appreciate it. Like, it helps. Helps understand that I'm, you know, I'm not just losing my mind, you know, like, why is this. Why is this so hard?
Andy Frisella
You know, not, bro, you're not. You're on the right path, brother. For real.
Jeremy
Yeah. And that, you know, that's just one. Like, you get people and they. Oh, you know, you just. You think you're better than us or you're this or that. And it's like, well, I have. I put in a lot of work to do what I've got, you know, I'm 32, and this is our fourth house. We've got 43 acres and cows and horses and, you know, giving our kids everything we can give them, you know, and it's like, why can't you go be happy for us, you know?
Andy Frisella
Well, because they're not happy for themselves, bro.
DJ
That's all it is.
Jeremy
Right? So, no, you know, like I said, I can do the validation thing. I've been listening to you, and you hear it, you know, and it's like, ah. But then, you know, it's like, crazy in the same sense to even just be talking to you. It's like, I feel like, you know, we're worlds away. There's no way I'm ever going to talk to Andy. But like this?
Andy Frisella
I mean, listen, man, I. Listen, I appreciate you calling in, dude. You know, I'm just another dude out here trying to do it, too, so I'm a little further down the road. I'm just trying to help you younger guys figure it out. I've been through all the shit you're talking about, and I'm telling you, bro, I understand, and I understand that it sucks, but I promise you, it's worth it.
Jeremy
Yeah.
Andy Frisella
Right?
Jeremy
And I appreciate. You know, I appreciate that, and, you know, I hope to keep. Hopefully I can pass it on to. On the next generation and keep. Keep bettering others and myself, you know, you. You should be. Everybody's full.
Andy Frisella
I hope you're already doing that. You're already doing that. Okay. Got to remember that you're already doing that, so keep doing it.
Jeremy
I appreciate it.
Andy Frisella
All right.
Jeremy
Appreciate it.
DJ
All right, Jeremy. We'll see you, brother. Appreciate you.
Jeremy
Yeah. Thank you, guys.
Andy Frisella
You're welcome, bro. Thank you.
Jeremy
Have a good One.
Andy Frisella
You too.
DJ
I love that, dude.
Andy Frisella
Yeah, I mean, look, dude, that's a common trait that like, it's a common problem that anybody that chooses a different path outside the norm is going to deal with.
DJ
Which is most people.
Andy Frisella
Yeah, of course, bro. Like, no, most people just choose to do like everybody else. And anytime you choose differently, you're gonna get that. Like, that's just normal. And the other thing, like, you guys listening? You know, I hear this all the time, man. My parents got divorced or my dad was this or my mom was this or this or that. Yeah, bro, like everybody, it's most people. Yeah, like, dude, everybody's got shit. Like what are you gonna do to correct so like your kids and other people don't have to deal with the same. Like, you know, you know, I thought.
DJ
About too, bro, because like, you know, I look at it this way too, right?
Andy Frisella
And by, well, hold on, by the way, that is the reason that you're on the path you're on. Like, it's nobody. I've never met someone who's self made that comes from a kush situation, right? The reason that they are doing what they do is because they've had to crawl out of darkness and in some way, shape or form. It might not be the same as yours, but there's something there that they had to crawl the out of and they, they hated it so much that they were willing to do anything to get as far away from it as possible. And that's just a. So we can't sit here and look at people who have these kush upbringings and all these advantages and all this and say, oh, well, they got lucky. No, you got lucky because those never had to learn how to fight. They never had to learn how to crawl through the. They never had to learn how to take blows and get the back up. You did. And that's an advantage. You got lucky. They didn't get lucky. Like, dude, that's real, bro. It is real. And it's, it is real. And dude, people think like, oh man, that guy had everything he got. No, dude, he's handicapped for life now. You learned all these skills. You learned all these, these, these character traits. You built all this inside of you, this grit, this fortitude, all the things that make people successful you had to have, they didn't. And that's a huge advantage. When you meet someone like that in the battlefield, bro, you destroy them because they don't have those skills. They never had to develop them.
DJ
Yeah, I look at it like this too. It's like, you know, all the negative people will say when you're trying to go down that path and do good, just wait to wait, wait to hear what they say when you don't do shit with your life.
Andy Frisella
Yeah.
DJ
See what they say then.
Andy Frisella
Yeah, that's right.
DJ
You know, that's right. We 40 years old. You ain't did shit.
Andy Frisella
Yeah, that's right, bro.
DJ
They go talk shit on that too.
Andy Frisella
And more importantly, what are you gonna think, right? At 40 years old, right, if you don't do shit and you're gonna think, God, dude, I listen to all these losers and now look what I got to show for it.
DJ
It's real shit. Yeah, that's real, man. Guys, let's, let's get our next. Next question. This is a write in question. Talk about it, guys. Andy, question number two. Andy. Even when I achieve something, I instantly look for the next mountain. I dismiss compliments, downplay success, and hold myself to standards I'd never apply to anyone else. I don't know if I was raised this way or just became this way, but I want to feel pride without shame. How do I allow myself to be proud without feeling like I'm being arrogant or weak?
Andy Frisella
What do you mean?
DJ
A little gratitude, I guess.
Andy Frisella
I. I don't understand. You did the work, you built the. Be proud of it. What are you talking about? It's very simple. Why the do you give a what that person over there thinks about what you did? Were they there when you were grinding it out? Were they there when you were. You know, everybody likes to talk about how lucky someone got. You know, like I just said a minute ago, that's the, that's the wrong perspective. None of these that ever criticized me spent a day in the fucking store with me my entire life. I spent years. None of them ever came and helped me do anything. None of them were there when I was struggling. None of them were there when I wanted to kill myself because was so hard. None of them. So I don't fucking care what they think about me driving a fucking Bugatti to work or my other one to work. I don't fucking care. I don't care. I don't care. You weren't there during the hard times. You have nothing to say to me that can take me away or, or make me feel less proud of what I've done. I've changed, dude. I don't even know how many lies with 75 hard and what we do with our companies. And I have things to be proud of and no one can take that from me. No one's going to shame me out of it. No one's going to make me feel bad about it. I did what they chose not to do. They could have came and done something similar with me. They didn't. So I don't give a. And you can get. You need to get a little more of that energy, bro. Were they there to help you do any of this? Were they there to help you pull through the mud? Were they there to, you know, console you when you didn't have anybody? Clearly not. So why do you care what they say now that you're doing better? I don't.
DJ
Yeah, for sure.
Andy Frisella
I mean.
DJ
Well, I mean, you also talk about this, too. It's like. Because I feel like there's a little nuance in the sense of, like, I guess just being hard on yourself, not allowing yourself to be proud of the. That you did. You know what I'm saying? When you're always moving that goal post, setting the next. That milestone that you're. You're reaching, when your goals are so big, how do you make sure that, like, to. To be proud in those moments when you do get those wins?
Andy Frisella
Well, I mean, dude, you have to acknowledge how far you came. Yeah. I mean, you said it. It's gratitude. You take inventory. Look, man, it's. You can take inventory and acknowledge how far you've come and still be hungry for much more, you know, like. And that's why you want to take a dedicated amount of time to, like, every day to say, hey, man, you know, this is a tough day. Didn't do what I want to do. But, look, I've come pretty far so far, you know, and, yeah, it's very simple, man.
DJ
People get caught up in spending too much time in that reflection. The reflection zone, you know what I'm saying? All the. That they did. Do you see that?
Andy Frisella
Yeah, man. Because that's like the victim therapy culture we deal with now. You know, they got all this pumping out in everybody's brain, tell them they're broken and they need therapy and they have trauma and they need to journal seven hours a day and have this morning routine and do all this. And, like, it makes everybody think they're up. You know, like, when you're an entrepreneur and you're trying to build, it's just hard. Yeah. And you know what? You kind of have to be up to be any good at it. You know what I mean? You kind of have to have something to prove. You kind of have to be a little insecure. You kind of have to have those things, those are the fuels that drive people, okay? And the reality is, is the world benefits from that. So how can you say that's bad? You know what I mean? Like, we have to.
DJ
People are eating because of that.
Andy Frisella
Yes. We have to understand that the. That's written for everybody else is not written for entrepreneurs. All these things, you know, the mental health and this and that and this, bro, that's written for people who. They don't have the darkness, and they don't know how to leverage it to be better. You know, they. They're. They're feeling sorry for themselves. They're making excuses. They know they haven't done what they're supposed to do, but then they make, you know, some sort of justification or philosophy that is really just a, you know, I didn't do it excuse. Dressed up in a nice outfit, you know, in a comfy little bed and some frills and, like, it's. It's okay. Like, entrepreneurship and building success is hard as fuck. It's hard. It's hard. It's never going to be easy. You're always going to feel like you're fucked up. You're always going to feel like you're behind. You're always going to feel like, you know, maybe I'm not any good at this. But, dude, if you keep showing up and you keep executing, you keep doing what you're supposed to do, the results will sprout and you will gain a little bit more confidence. But, dude, even when you gain more confidence, you'll be at a new level. And when you're at a new level, guess what happens all the same happens again. You doubt, you question, you're insecure, you push harder, you go to the next. Just a repetitive cycle. Dude, it's a hard life, but many, many, many people benefit from it, so it's something to be proud of. It doesn't mean you're up. It doesn't mean you have to rid yourself of that. When you rid yourself of all that, you rid yourself of your fuel. All right? When you rid yourself of your fuel, the growth stops. When the growth stops, people starve. What's worse, you being a little crazy or starving?
DJ
Yeah.
Andy Frisella
You know what I'm saying?
DJ
Like, when you put it like that.
Andy Frisella
Yeah, like, man.
DJ
Yeah, man, I do.
Andy Frisella
We've. Look, we've grown. This culture has changed from, you know, like, when. I'm just glad I grew up when I did, because the culture's so different. Like, entrepreneurs, successful people, people with drive, hustle, grit, fortitude, tough that refused to quit were celebrated. They were. You were told this is how you should be noble. Yeah. Now we have the opposite. Those people are up. Well, who's telling you you're up? A bunch of nerds with a fucking four letter degree that haven't done and sit in their living room with fucking house slippers on and take notes about what the fuck they think is wrong with you. The fuck out of here. Go build some shit. You'll be happy.
DJ
I love it, man. I love it. Let's get another call in. Yeah, man, let's get another call. And we got, we got Josh. I like these names.
Andy Frisella
Josh.
DJ
Yeah, Josh. Josh. Sounds like a cool guy. Yeah, I know a few cool Joshes.
Andy Frisella
Yeah, I do too.
DJ
Yeah, just joshing around.
Andy Frisella
Yeah.
DJ
All right, let's go, let's go. Here we go, Josh.
Andy Frisella
Let's keep the Comedy to the CTIs, buddy.
Josh
Hello?
DJ
Hey, is this Josh?
Josh
Yes, sir. What's up, dj?
DJ
Oh, damn. How'd you know it was me?
Andy Frisella
Because you sound like DJ Josh.
Josh
I'm blessed, brother. How are you?
Andy Frisella
I'm doing great, man. I'm just sitting here with the boys, taking some calls, trying to help some people, you know, maybe, you know, listen to a few DJ shitty jokes. I'll try, you know. And what's up with you, brother? Where you at?
Josh
I'm in SoCal.
Andy Frisella
Okay, cool, cool. What business are you in?
Josh
The gym business. I own. I own two gyms.
Andy Frisella
Okay, cool, man. How long you been doing it?
Josh
I got into the business at 18 years old, fresh out of high school as an employee, Quickly became manager and then took over ownership about three years in. At 21. I'm 25 now.
Andy Frisella
That's amazing, dude. That's awesome. So what do you think I can help you with, man?
Josh
Yeah, so honestly, brother, I got a. I got a lot on my chest. But I'll start off by reading you the question I submitted in 250 characters and then I guess we'll go from there. So my question says that I typed in and submitted. It says, 25 years old. I own two gyms. After three and a half years, it's really four. But after four years of working for free, I am now profitable. I need to pass out flyers, but I fear rejection outside of my own gym doors. How do I overcome this paralyzing fear?
Andy Frisella
Well, look, man, let me ask you this. Do you actually make people better at your gym?
Josh
Yes. Yes. The growth has been all referral based stuff of the incredible transformations and service and throughout the years of being unprofitable I had, you know, my spurts where I'd have to let a couple people go and be there seven days a week for a year and a half and then bring trainers on, and I'm there six to seven days a week, and I treat everybody amazing, and the transformations and the results are there, and that's why I get so many referrals. But at the end of the day, with my overhead, my rent, and all of my expenses, that's not enough. And I've known that's not enough since day one to actually profit and live the life that I want to live.
Andy Frisella
Hold on. We're going to get to that in a second. But you believe that Josh cares enough to actually help people get results? Yes.
Josh
Yes, 100%.
Andy Frisella
Okay. If you.
Josh
I'm very passionate about what I do.
Andy Frisella
Okay? So if that's the case, then you should have zero discomfort trying to help people out on the street and talking to them and offering them your services, or at least making them aware, because you actually do care, and you're not just trying to sell them some bullshit, and you actually are going to help them get results. And if they do reject you, which lots of people will, that's okay, because the. The 20%, the. The two out of ten that are going to talk to you, you're going to build relationships with them and you're going to change their lives. Okay? So you can't puss out because the eight people are not going to want to hear it. You got to show up for the two that are going to change their lives. All right, so that's the first thing. Now let's. Let's get into this other thing about the profitability. Go ahead and talk about that.
Josh
Well, on that note, when it comes to. When it comes to that, like, I agree. I agree there's. There's something in my brain where. Where I'm like, all right, I have. I run both locations, all their operations by myself. All the employees are the trainers. I have eight employees right now, but I'm running the operations. And I look at myself and I say, what would be the best thing to do right now to grow and generate revenue? And the answer is walk out. Because I chose the location next to a big retailer for this purpose and walk out and bring clients in and sign them up and change their lives. So they bring in referrals and we grow. But my brain, I fucking do other shit. I grab the flyers and I walk to the door, and then. And then I end up doing something else. I have something Deep down, that keeps holding me back. And I know the answers because I've listened to you since 2017. You've said this shit 100 times.
Andy Frisella
What's the answer?
Josh
Go fucking do it. Don't be a pussy. Go to the grocery store and talk to every. Go. Go to the grocery store and talk to every person in there. And don't leave till you talk to every person in there. And I know these things. I've been listening to you since I was 16 years old. But my fucking brain, I pushed out. And I know the answer. That's the problem, is you could have cut off the MFCO project six episodes in. You already said everything that need to be said. The problem with we don't listen.
Andy Frisella
You want me to come out there, kick you out the fucking door, bro? Like, I will come out, kick your ass out the door, and I will not let you back in your own fucking gym until you bring at least two more people like, bro, listen to me. You have to do this. And. And here's an important thing. It's not just about growing your gym. It's about growing your skill set, okay? People are going to reject you up and down the path. It's going to happen for the next 25 years until you're so big that everybody's coming to you and you get to pick and choose. All right? That's where I'm at now. There's nobody that brings me anything where I don't pick and choose. I'm not asking for anything. And it's very. It's really nice. It's really nice. But it didn't get that way until I was willing to go down the path for, you know, 15 years of getting told to eat and learning how to handle people. Telling you to eat is a massive skill set because most people can't do it. So I agree. Yeah, bro. So, like, look, man, you're building this up to be worse than it's going to be, all right? There's lots of things that can help if people are going to be rude, be nice back. You know what I'm saying? Well, I hope you have a great day, brother. Like, sorry to bother you. You know, just be polite back when they're rude. And a lot of times, you know, just like when they walk in your gym or, you know, you go in somewhere like, you had a bad day, your dog died or some shit happened, you. You there. There's a book called the Four Agreements, and one of the main four agreements is don't take anything personally. And that really helped me realize, like, their reactions are not my control. If I go at it with the right intent and my intent is to actually help them, then I'm doing what I can do. And maybe I present it wrong at first, but eventually I learn how to present it better so that it converts higher and it produces a better result. But ultimately, dude, this isn't about you just bringing people in the gym. This is more about you building this. The. The. The tenacious, relentless ability to talk to people. Because, dude, I'm going to tell you this, and this is very important. The more. And this is really important for the business that you're in because people are never going to stop working out. But the more that technology infiltrates our society, the more valuable inter communication skills are going to be. All right? And you're 25 years old, dude. You grew up on a phone. You grew up with technology. So it is a little bit harder for you because it's abnormal for someone of your age to do what I'm telling you to go do. But I'm going to tell you, dude, and this is real, that skill is going to become so rare that it becomes extremely valuable. And why it's going to be valuable to you is going to be because the way that your gym is going to scale and grow is going to be by you building community around your gym. And you could only build community with other human beings if you are great at dealing with other human beings. So when you tie all of this together, this is practice for you, bro. This is. This is reps. This is what you have to do. And if you don't do it, you're just not going to be as successful as you could be. Not even close. So I know you know this, but, dude, you know when you're getting ready to walk out that door and you start to get that, you know, like that that voice is in your head and it's like, like, bro, just walk right through it. Just keep walking and just go do it. And you're gonna find out, bro, after the first time or third time, you get rejected. It's not even a big deal. It's not a big deal. Yeah. And let me tell you something else. Do you, do you. Are you married?
Josh
Brother? I've been with my girl since I was 16. I've done a lot of things right in my life. This is the only one thing that eats me alive every day.
Andy Frisella
Okay, yeah, we're.
Josh
I'm married. My first one for one, bro, since we were 16.
Andy Frisella
Okay, well, I was gonna Say, for most men in your situation, they. They usually aren't married. And your ability to talk to people is going to dictate the quality of the. Of the. Of the mate that you attract. So this is. This. This. This translates into. In all areas of life. So while that doesn't apply to you, it's important for the other young men and young people to hear. So, dude, you've just got to force your way through it, man. And once you go through it once or twice, it's gonna. It's like the first time you walked into a gym, bro. The first time you walked into a gym, you were in your pants. I know you were, because I was, too. And so was everybody else. It's very uncomfortable, but once you've done it, you're like, what the was I worried about? What was I nervous about? And, dude, that's. This is just a mental block, and it's going to take force the first two or three times. And you know why it's eating you, bro? Is because you're letting it linger. If you go, take this action today and you go out there and give out five flyers, even if it's just five and they all say off, you're gonna realize, holy, I've been letting myself get eat up over. Over nothing. And it's gonna free you.
Josh
I know that.
Andy Frisella
Yeah. Then go do it.
Josh
I know, I know.
Andy Frisella
That's why.
Josh
Trust me, brother, you've been telling me this for seven years over my phone.
Andy Frisella
Listen to me. Hang up the phone and go fucking do it, because it's gonna make you feel better.
Josh
I agree.
Andy Frisella
Okay?
Josh
I agree. And then at the end of the day.
Andy Frisella
Go ahead.
Josh
And the part, Andy, if I can just be extra clear, the part that. That I've been torturing myself with is the fact that, like, who the. I don't know, one person in my fucking life that will work four years for free seven days a week, and. And go through the stress, and I've done all the other shit that's so much fucking harder than this.
Andy Frisella
Yeah.
Josh
But this is the one thing I've let eat me alive. I worked for free for four years, and I had chest pains for six months. I thought I was gonna fucking die last year from. Oh, from stress. But that one thing that I haven't been doing is the solution to all of my issues, which is why it eats me alive. Because it's the obvious answer that I know.
Andy Frisella
All right, bro, well, do you want to feel better today or do you want this to keep going?
Josh
Yeah, I agree. I Agree?
Andy Frisella
You agree? If you already know what the fuck, man? Go fucking do it. Yeah, well, listen, dude. Yeah, dude, go do it. You're. You've are. Like you said, you've already done all this shit. What's the worst that's gonna happen? Some fat nothing gonna tell you? Yeah, tell them to go eat a hot dog, bro. Like, it doesn't matter. Like, dude, just do it. You're gonna, You're. You're gonna go home and you're gonna be like, that wasn't that bad. What the. And you're gonna feel lighter. You're gonna feel better, and you're gonna be proud of yourself. You're gonna. And you're probably gonna make fun of yourself. You're gonna be like, what the was I doing? You know? So, dude, you got this, bro. Like, you got it, dude. Just go do it. You, you listen. Just go do it. It'll fix all your shit.
Josh
Yeah, I agree. Yeah, 100%. Well, thank you, man. It sounds like that's. That's all that you need, that you need to say. And there's nothing else for me to say at that point.
Andy Frisella
Then listen, bro. This will. This will build your courage. Listen, you can't win in business without courage. It's impossible. You can't win without courage. The reason that, you know, all this stuff happened the last four to six years is because most people don't have it. If you want to win in real life, in business, you got to have courage. And what you need to do is you need to understand that this is an investment in your courage that is going to be required for you to level up. It just is. There's going to be much, much, much harder things than this down the road. I'll give you an example, dude. Like, this isn't the same thing, but it's. It's a similar block that I dealt with when. When I had my first retail store, I was so scared to open the second store. I was so scared to open the second store. I thought. I knew. I thought people were going to cheat me. I thought. Pete, I thought it wasn't, you know, gonna work. I, I, I had all these things that would go wrong in my head, and guess what? They all happened. Every one of them. But had I not went ahead and did it, even though I was scared, I wouldn't have, you know, I don't know. We got like 40 stores now. We're opening more, like, literally all the time. First form wouldn't exist. None of this would have happened, man. You wouldn't even be talking to me. You. You need to pull the trigger, dude, because what it's going to do is it's going to free you up and build your courage and allow you to realize you don't have anything to be scared of, dude. You have anything to be scared of, like, it's. It's a hundred percent mental. And if you don't do it, bro, if you don't do it, you're probably gonna lose in business. That's the truth. And you need to understand that.
Josh
Yeah, yeah.
DJ
So.
Josh
And keep in mind, when I submitted this question, I went in here knowing that I'm gonna sound like I already knew that. No, no, no. I knew that because, bro, I've been listening to you for seven years. I sound stupid, but I already knew the answer. But I was wanted you to on me, bro.
Andy Frisella
I'm not on you, dude. I'm making you understand. Listen that. First of all, that's not stupid. That's a real concern. It's a really good question because a lot of people struggle with it. It's.
DJ
Stupid ones are the people that don't ask the.
Andy Frisella
The stupid ones are the people that don't do it and think that they can get around doing that and that they're just going to be able to ignore that part of their life. Josh understands this is a big deal. This isn't about the flyers working. This is about overcoming something he's afraid of. That's a big deal. Okay. Like, I know a lot of people are listening. They're like, well, tell them to do this or that or this. We're not talking about that. We're talking about him getting over a mental block. And you have to learn how to do this because there's going to be more down the road. All right? So, dude, this is not stupid. You're not stupid. I'm not on you. But it's very important because if you don't learn how to overcome the mental blocks, bro, there's going to be more of them, and you won't be able to overcome those, and it's going to limit your success. Success for you, your girl, your future family, and everything you got going on, bro. And I'm not going to allow that to happen.
Josh
Yeah, I. Absolutely. Yes. Thank you 100%. And the part that makes it. That really made me realize that I have to address this now, which I've always known is as of January, started making a chunk of cash every month. Both locations are profiting. Great. And I still feel empty and dead and unfulfilled. Because the profits and being in the green, it doesn't mean anything to me because I'm still ignoring literally what's in front of my face.
Andy Frisella
Yeah.
Josh
So until this is addressed, no matter how much money I make, I'm ignoring something that's in front of my face is going to keep me up at night like it has for. For four years, bro.
Andy Frisella
The fact that it keeps you up at night is a great thing because it means you're aware that it's something that you need to overcome. Okay? But this is so simple. You could overcome it today. Real talk. You could overcome it today.
Josh
Yeah.
Andy Frisella
And you should.
Josh
And I will.
Andy Frisella
All right, Good.
Josh
Yeah.
Andy Frisella
All right, brother.
Josh
Listen, man, I really.
Andy Frisella
You're in a good spot. Just, you know, follow through. You said you're gonna do it today. Go do it. I'm gonna take some.
DJ
Absolutely.
Andy Frisella
Yeah. DJ's gonna follow up.
Josh
Was that your number you were texting me on, dj?
DJ
Yeah.
Josh
All right, I'm. Hit you up. I'm gonna text you, like, 10 times a day, bro. Okay.
Andy Frisella
I'm gonna check in, and if you.
Josh
Don'T text me back, I'm gon. Bro, I thought we're friends.
DJ
Sweet, man. All right, Josh, go get it, bro.
Josh
Yes, sir. Appreciate you guys. Thank you for everything.
Andy Frisella
Thank you, bro. Go do it. You got this.
Josh
Yes, sir.
Andy Frisella
All right.
Jeremy
All right.
Josh
Bye.
Andy Frisella
Bye.
DJ
Love it, man.
Andy Frisella
Yeah, man. Look, dude, that's not. It's not about the flyers. It's not about. It's about overcoming the mental block.
DJ
Yeah, I was thinking about it, too, because he said he's been with his girl since they were, like, 16. So the reality of it, too, he's never had to really face rejection at all.
Andy Frisella
Well.
DJ
You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah. Like, I mean. I mean, yeah.
Andy Frisella
I mean, when you like girls and, you know, you're young and you don't have the luxury of having one since you're 16, you're gonna get used to being told off, you know, Kind of comes with the territory, so.
DJ
I love it, man.
Andy Frisella
Yeah.
DJ
Well, guys. Andy, that was three.
Andy Frisella
All right, guys. Hey, let's go out. Let's get it. Let's make it a good week, and we'll see you tomorrow. Yeah. Went from sleeping on the flow now my jury box froze Fuck up boat Fuck up stove Counted millions in a cold, bad bitch Booted swole Got her own bank row can't fold Just a no head shot case Close.
Podcast Summary: REAL AF with Andy Frisella – Episode 882
Title: Q&AF: Finding Like-Minded People, Success Without Shame & Overcoming Paralyzing Fear
Host/Author: Andy Frisella
Release Date: May 19, 2025
In Episode 882 of REAL AF with Andy Frisella, host Andy Frisella engages with his audience through a Q&AF (Questions and Answers for Fans) format. The episode delves deep into the challenges of building a network of like-minded individuals, achieving success without the accompanying shame, and overcoming debilitating fears that hinder personal and professional growth. Andy is joined by his co-host DJ and guests who share their personal experiences and seek guidance.
Guest: Jeremy
Timestamp: [05:34 - 12:25]
Jeremy opens up about his struggle to find like-minded people on his entrepreneurial journey. Growing up with divorced parents and lacking a strong role model, Jeremy developed trust issues, making it difficult for him to form meaningful relationships. This isolation has only intensified as he pursues his goals, leading to feelings of loneliness despite his accomplishments.
Key Points:
Self-Reliance: Andy emphasizes the importance of self-improvement and living up to high standards independently. He states, “You don't need anybody to trust or believe in you or support you to do what it is you're wanting to do” ([06:10]).
Behavior and Ambition: Adopting the behaviors and mindset of successful individuals attracts similar people. Andy advises, “Act like them, be ambitious, be somebody who attacks” ([07:05]).
Networking Strategies: Joining intentional groups and programs, such as Arete, can connect entrepreneurs with driven peers. Andy notes, “You are still going to have people that want to take” but stress the importance of filtering out those who don’t contribute ([09:45]).
Notable Quote:
"The quickest way you build yourself into a person who is doing things, the quicker you're going to find other people that are aligned with that." – Andy Frisella [07:10]
Timestamp: [12:25 - 17:21]
Jeremy shares his experiences with family members who resent his success, labeling him as arrogant despite his efforts to improve his life and provide for his family. This backlash has led to difficult decisions, including evicting his mother-in-law to protect his family's well-being.
Key Points:
Ownership and Boundaries: Andy encourages owning one's path unapologetically. “The quickest way to get over that is when they say, oh, you think you're better? Just be like, yeah, yeah” ([13:14]).
Self-Worth: Emphasizing that others' perceptions don’t define personal achievements. Andy asserts, “I don't care what they think about me... No one can take that from me” ([14:00]).
Temporary Nature of Friendships: Recognition that many relationships evolve or dissolve as individuals grow and change. “Very few friendships are permanent... people grow apart” ([10:30]).
Notable Quote:
"Winners don't like losers, and losers don't like winners. That's just the nature of human beings." – Andy Frisella [16:00]
Guest: Josh
Timestamp: [33:17 - 50:05]
Josh, a 25-year-old gym owner, seeks advice on overcoming his fear of rejection while marketing his gyms through flyer distribution. Despite knowing the importance of this task, Josh feels paralyzed by the fear of negative responses.
Key Points:
Action Over Fear: Andy urges Josh to take immediate action despite fear. “Hang up the phone and go fucking do it” ([37:53]).
Building Courage: Emphasizes that courage is essential for business success. “You can't win in business without courage” ([43:29]).
Skill Development: Highlighting the importance of developing interpersonal skills to build community and scale the business. “Intercommunication skills are going to become extremely valuable” ([39:15]).
Notable Quote:
"The more you do it, you realize, holy, I've been letting myself get eat up over nothing. And it's gonna free you." – Andy Frisella [43:37]
Throughout the episode, Andy and DJ discuss broader themes related to mental toughness, entrepreneurship, and personal growth. They touch upon the cultural shift towards victim mentality and the importance of resilience in overcoming life's challenges.
Key Points:
Mental Toughness: Promotion of the 75 Hard program and the Live Hard mental toughness program as tools for personal development ([03:58]).
Rejecting Shame: Encouraging listeners to take pride in their achievements without succumbing to feelings of arrogance or inadequacy ([26:13]).
Community Influence: The significance of surrounding oneself with individuals who inspire and motivate continuous improvement ([24:29]).
Notable Quote:
"When you rid yourself of your fuel, the growth stops. When the growth stops, people starve." – Andy Frisella [29:56]
Episode 882 of REAL AF with Andy Frisella offers profound insights into the journey of entrepreneurship and personal development. Key takeaways include:
Self-Improvement as a Magnet: By striving to improve oneself, entrepreneurs naturally attract like-minded individuals and forge meaningful connections.
Embracing Rejection: Overcoming the fear of rejection is crucial for business growth and personal resilience. Taking consistent action builds courage and diminishes fear.
Navigating Relationships: Success often comes with strained relationships, but maintaining boundaries and prioritizing personal goals are essential for long-term fulfillment.
Continuous Growth: The pursuit of success is a relentless process that requires ongoing effort, adaptability, and the willingness to face and overcome new challenges.
Andy Frisella on Building Networks:
"You don't need anybody to trust or believe in you or support you to do what it is you're wanting to do." – [06:10]
Andy Frisella on Handling Resentment:
"Winners don't like losers, and losers don't like winners. That's just the nature of human beings." – [16:00]
Andy Frisella on Overcoming Fear:
"The more you do it, you realize, holy, I've been letting myself get eat up over nothing. And it's gonna free you." – [43:37]
Andy Frisella on Mental Toughness:
"When you rid yourself of your fuel, the growth stops. When the growth stops, people starve." – [29:56]
Andy Frisella on Courage in Business:
"You can't win in business without courage." – [43:29]
Closing Thoughts
Episode 882 serves as a powerful resource for entrepreneurs and individuals striving for personal excellence. Andy Frisella's candid discussions, bolstered by real-life experiences from guests like Jeremy and Josh, provide actionable advice and motivation to overcome common barriers to success. Whether it's building a supportive network, dealing with external criticism, or tackling internal fears, this episode equips listeners with the mindset and strategies needed to thrive in a challenging world.