886. Q&AF: Handling Haters, How To Trust Yourself & Correcting Company Culture

Summary

Podcast Summary: REAL AF with Andy Frisella | Episode 886

Title: Q&AF: Handling Haters, How To Trust Yourself & Correcting Company Culture
Host: Andy Frisella
Release Date: May 26, 2025
Description: Entrepreneur Andy Frisella and his guests discuss, debate, and laugh their way through trending topics and hot-button issues. This episode delves into handling negativity, building self-trust, and transforming company culture.

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1. Introduction to the Episode

In Episode 886 of REAL AF with Andy Frisella, Andy engages with his listeners through a Q&A format, addressing pressing personal and professional challenges. The episode focuses on three main areas:

• Handling Haters: Strategies to convert negative feedback into motivation.
• Trusting Yourself: Building self-confidence and reducing dependency on others' opinions.
• Correcting Company Culture: Overhauling entrenched, unproductive workplace environments.

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2. Handling Haters and Using Negativity as Fuel

Timestamp: [06:48 - 19:47]

Call-In Guest: Colt, Andy's 16-year-old cousin, seeks advice on dealing with negative remarks in sports, specifically baseball.

Key Discussion Points:

• Auditing Negativity: Andy emphasizes distinguishing between actual negativity and perceived criticism.

  "Are people actually saying these things or am I thinking they might say these things?" (07:05)

• Transforming Negative Energy: Instead of allowing criticism to demoralize, use it as a catalyst for improvement.

  "You take what they say and you fucking use it. You take what they say, and when it makes you mad, you automatically go do something to get better." (10:08)

• Personal Experience: Andy shares his history of overcoming bullying and criticism, highlighting the long-term benefits of using negativity as motivation.

  "These things that people say that, like, pierce your heart are the most valuable things that anybody will ever say to you in your entire life." (17:09)

• Practical Steps: Engage in productive activities such as workouts, learning, and personal development to channel negative emotions positively.

Notable Quote:

"Swallow that and let it simmer and let it piss you off and then go do your bro, right?" — Andy Frisella (17:24)

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3. Building Self-Trust and Reducing Dependence on External Opinions

Timestamp: [20:44 - 53:05]

Listener Question: "I always ask everyone else for their opinions... How do you learn to trust yourself when it comes to perspectives?"

Key Discussion Points:

• Selective Listening: Focus on advice from individuals who are on the same path or have achieved what you aspire to.

  "Don't be asking your fucking friends who aren't doing the same shit that you're doing." (20:44)

• Building Confidence Through Execution: Trusting oneself stems from consistently making decisions and seeing them through.

  "The reason that you don't trust yourself is because you haven't ever built the confidence to trust yourself." (25:00)

• 75 Hard Program: Andy recommends his mental toughness program as a means to develop self-discipline and confidence.

  "I've developed an entire program that helps you train this in yourself. It's called 75 Hard and Live Hard." (20:44)

• Resilience and Follow-Through: Emphasizing the importance of perseverance and self-reliance in building trust in oneself.

Notable Quote:

"You have to train them, all right? And once you start to train them, you will have more trust and faith in yourself." — Andy Frisella (26:18)

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4. Correcting Company Culture in a Family Business

Timestamp: [30:42 - 53:05]

Call-In Guest: Hunter from a family-run car dealership seeks advice on shifting company culture amidst long-term, complacent employees.

Key Discussion Points:

• Identifying the Problem: Recognizing that certain long-term employees hinder growth and foster a toxic environment.

  "The majority of the employees are old... and can be active cancers within the company." (31:28)

• Strategic Conversations: Andy advises initiating serious discussions with leadership (Hunter's father) to address the issue.

  "You have to have a conversation with your dad..." (36:51)

• Implementing Cultural Shifts: Steps to redefine company vision, mission, and core values to guide employee behavior and expectations.

  "You have to define what the vision is... develop a real mission statement." (41:56)

• Enforcing Accountability: Instituting a system where employees are evaluated and rewarded based on adherence to core values rather than just performance metrics.

  "Make your awards based on the core values." (46:43)

• Handling Resistance: Addressing resistance from entrenched employees by either getting them on board or letting them go to preserve the company's integrity.

  "They can either work and get on board with me, or we're gonna have to get rid of them because it's gonna hurt our family." (48:31)

Notable Quotes:

"There's only two things that can happen here. One, they can get on board. Two, they can get the out." — Andy Frisella (36:51)

"Culture is a week long boot camp... set some standards and you have to set core values for the company." — Andy Frisella (41:56)

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5. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Andy wraps up the episode by reinforcing the importance of addressing internal challenges head-on. Whether it's handling external negativity, building self-trust, or transforming company culture, the overarching theme is resilience and proactive self-improvement.

Final Notable Quote:

"You are who the fuck you are." — Andy Frisella (53:03)

"There's a time when loyalty expires. There's an expiration to loyalty." — Andy Frisella (53:05)

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Key Takeaways

• Convert Negativity into Growth: Use criticism and hate as fuel to drive personal and professional improvement.
• Self-Reliance is Crucial: Building confidence and trusting oneself requires consistent action and reducing reliance on others' opinions.
• Transforming Company Culture: Effective leadership involves redefining vision and values, enforcing accountability, and making tough decisions to eliminate toxic influences.

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Resources Mentioned

• 75 Hard Program: A mental toughness program developed by Andy Frisella, available for free at episode 208.
• Book on Mental Toughness: A comprehensive guide that includes the 75 Hard program and additional content, available for purchase at andyforcella.com.

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Stay Connected:
For more insights and updates, join Andy Frisella on YouTube, follow him on social media, and subscribe to REAL AF with Andy Frisella for upcoming episodes and content.

Transcript

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, we're from sleeping on the floor now my jury box froze up Pole stove counted millions in a cold bad booted swole Got her own bank roll can't fold Just a no head shot case close. What is up? Guys? It's Andy Frisella, and this is the show for the Realist. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society, and welcome to reality. Guys. Are you guys done over there? Okay, guys, today we have Q and A, F. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. You know the deal. All right, you can submit your questions multiple different ways. The first way is, guys, email these.

[DJ]

Questions into ask [e-mail] or you go.

[Andy Frisella]

On YouTube, drop your question in the comments or click that link underneath the video and you can call in the show. All right, so we want to hear from you. So anyway, we got multiple shows here. All right, Tomorrow we're going to have cti. That stands for Cruise the Internet. That's our Comedy Social Events Crazy World Show. All right? I don't know what you want to call it. It's a variety show, okay? We put topics on the screen, we speculate what's true, what's not true, and then we talk about how we, the people, the good citizens of the United States and the world have to fix these problems going on in the world. Other times, we're gonna have real talk. Real talks. 5, 20 minutes, me giving you some real talk. And then we're gonna have 75 hard verses. 75 hard verses, where someone who has completed the 75 hard program comes on the show. They talk about how they were before, how they are now, and how they turn their life around using the 75 hard program. If you're unfamiliar with 75 hard program, it is the initial phase of the live hard program, which is available for free at episode 2. 08. It is the world's most popular mental toughness program ever. Get it for free on the audio feed, episode 208. There's also a book called the Book on Mental Toughness, which includes the entire program plus a whole bunch of extra content that is not free. You can [e-mail] and yeah, we got some big stuff coming down the pipe, so keep your eye out on that. It might include some books that I mentioned a few weeks ago. So anyway, we don't run ads. We appreciate your help sharing the show. So don't be a hoe. Let's share the show. Yeah, how about that? Let's pull that one right out of my pocket.

[DJ]

Yeah, you did you.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah. What's up, man?

[DJ]

Oh, nothing much, man. You know, dude, we do got a lot of stuff coming. We got Summer Smash coming up.

[Andy Frisella]

Summer Smash this week?

[DJ]

Yeah. That's gonna be crazy. Is it this? No, it's next week.

[Andy Frisella]

It's this week. The show comes out on Monday.

[DJ]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Is Summer smashing? Oh, is it two weeks from now?

[DJ]

It's two weeks.

[Andy Frisella]

Oh, is it?

[DJ]

All right, bro, you almost. I almost. My pants.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, me too. Don't do that, bro. Yeah. All right. Two weeks.

[DJ]

Yeah, we got two weeks, though. But I. There's a lot of planning that goes into that, man, to deliver a great, great experience.

[Andy Frisella]

It's going to be awesome.

[DJ]

Be sick.

[Andy Frisella]

10Th anniversary, Summer Smash.

[DJ]

Number 10, dude.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[DJ]

Jeez.

[Andy Frisella]

Yep.

[DJ]

Jeez. What was. What was the first one like?

[Andy Frisella]

Dude, we. We came up with the idea in, like, at the end of April and, like, did it at the beginning of June, man. Yeah. So it was like, that's a very quick turnaround. Yeah, let's do this. And we did it.

[DJ]

Yeah. For comparison, people, like, after Summer Smash, we already start playing for the next one.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[Colt]

Now.

[DJ]

Yeah, now we do.

[Andy Frisella]

But, I mean, it was cool, dude. You know, we. We. We didn't know what we were doing, but it didn't matter because people came and they had a good time and. And, you know, we don't really go to expos. Like, big expos Anymore. Well, ever. And we just wanted to spend time with our people, so we. We threw this idea together. People came and it grew every year, and that was it. It was totally different than the ones that we do now, though. Like, similar, you know, where we do workout and all those things. But we used to do a mud run instead of the sick workout. That was cool. And then the event itself was, like, way smaller. We didn't have music. We had a dj, just like.

[DJ]

Yeah, local dj.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, right. Exactly. But it was great. It was fun, man. It was the same amount of fun, but it wasn't, you know, such a production for sure. But, you know, now. Now it's pretty awesome. Now it's crazy.

[DJ]

Yeah, it is crazy. Yes.

[Andy Frisella]

But there's, you know, like. Dude, it was fun then, too, man. It's. It's the people, dude.

[DJ]

It's not like the party.

[Andy Frisella]

That's. That's right.

[DJ]

People make the party. It's gonna be a party this year. There's no doubt. Sick, man. Well, guys, it's Monday, so we always start our week off with some good ones.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, we Do.

[DJ]

Yeah, we do.

[Andy Frisella]

You got some good ones?

[DJ]

I got some good ones for you. Well, guys, let's get to our first question. We got to call in now. I got a kind of pre warn. All right, this. Oh, this is a special, special guest.

[Andy Frisella]

Oh, yeah, special.

[DJ]

It's a special guest, man. And I didn't know this at the time, but confirmed it.

[Andy Frisella]

What kind of special?

[DJ]

It's my cousin. Oh, it's my 16 year old cousin.

[Andy Frisella]

Oh, all right. So you're playing favorites.

[DJ]

Well, I mean, but like, that's what I'm saying. Like, it wasn't intentional. It's actually a good question. All right, all right. I know he's going through some stuff, so. Yeah, let's give Colt. Now, I'm also tell you, you ain't got to hold back on him.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay?

[DJ]

Give it to him.

[Andy Frisella]

I'm not going to fucking hold back. I'm just letting you know, like, you're going to ruin my rep. I don't fucking hold back.

[DJ]

No, I don't want you to think, oh, it's DJ's cousin. Let me be nice.

[Andy Frisella]

No, I'm extra mean.

[DJ]

Rip his ass.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, all right.

[DJ]

Rip him. All right, let's give, let's give. Let's give my cousin Colt a call. Colt Colton is his name, goes by Colt.

[Andy Frisella]

All right.

[DJ]

Yeah, let's give.

[Andy Frisella]

That's kind of cool.

[DJ]

Yeah, it's cool, man. He's, he's. He's a good kid, though. All right, kid. Let's give him a cough.

[Colt]

Hello?

[DJ]

Colt. What's up, man?

[Colt]

What's going on?

[DJ]

What's the word?

[Colt]

Oh, nothing much.

[Andy Frisella]

Colt. What's up, dude?

[Colt]

Hey, what's going on?

[Andy Frisella]

How are you?

[Colt]

I'm doing good. How are you?

[Andy Frisella]

Good, man. Sitting here with your cousin. Let me just start this. I'll just start this off, okay? You're probably screwed because you're related to dj, all right? So I don't know if I'll be able to help you, but I'll do my best.

[DJ]

Yeah, yeah, we'll try.

[Colt]

Great.

[Andy Frisella]

So what can we help you with, dude?

[Colt]

So my question was, how can I let. How can I not let what people say, like, affect my mind and instead, like, use it for, like, fuel to, like, motivate me to, like, keep going.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay. What kind of stuff? Like, what are you getting at?

[Colt]

Like, really just sports. Like, just like people talking in sports. Like, you're always told not to, like, let it get to you, but sometimes it really does.

[Andy Frisella]

Like, in the game, in the game.

[Colt]

Outside of the game.

[Andy Frisella]

Just all around what, what sport?

[Colt]

Baseball.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay, so you guys talk a in baseball, huh?

[DJ]

Right?

[Andy Frisella]

Right. So, all right, so here's the deal. First of all, anybody that's played baseball knows that talking is a real art. So my first suggestion would be to get really good at it. Okay? Right. Yeah, but dude, real, that's a real, that's a real question, man. And you know, lots of people struggle with this in all different areas of their life and some people never get over it. Dude. The reality is, is that most people never do what they really want to do in life because they are afraid of what other people are going to say. And you're, you're, you're calling in and asking this question at a perfect time in your life because you're getting into a phase where people aren't going to be very nice all the time. Like, it's going to be hard and people are going to be. And that's just reality of the world. And so you have to understand that a lot of times when we imagine these things, these, these things that people say to us, we're building them up in our own minds, okay? And I've done this before. I'm not above this. This is something I've had to my whole life. And I'll tell you what I did and how I got over it. But first thing is to become a little more aware are people, and this is rhetorical for you to just ask yourself, are people actually saying these things or am I thinking they might say these things? And because they might say these things, I'm not doing what it is that I should or could or would be doing otherwise. So, right, the first thing is to audit how bad it really is. Okay? Like, like is this real or is this that I'm making up? Secondly, and this, and I'm reason I'm bringing this up is because most people struggle with that. Most people do not have haters. They don't have people that's talk this. They had one guy on the Internet or one person in their family or, you know, a few people that they knew, say a couple, you know, out of pocket things and they've stuck to them because, dude, we don't like to hear these things, bro. Like, we don't. It doesn't feel good. And I don't care who you are, like, that never feels good. And we have to understand that's just a part of life, all right? There's people out there that are just fucking assholes. Okay? So it gets worse. It does get worse. But here's the thing. It never is what we think it is. It's like when we deal with people who are like, oh, man, all these people talking shit. Motherfucker, they're not talking shit. That you had one guy that says some.

[DJ]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Everybody else thinks you're cool. Yeah, right. And you're torturing yourself over what this one person said or these two people said your whole life. And now it's costing you everything in the future. You see what I'm saying? So we got to be aware that that's. That's why most people fail in life, dude. It really is. They are their own worst enemy. They imagine these things that people might say, which makes them, ironically, their own biggest hater. All right? So that is aside. And you should always remember this cult, because most people lose in life because they can't get past that. They don't see the reality of how bad it is. Now, the second part is, who gives a. Okay, who cares? You're going to be dead one day. I'm going to be dead one day. All these guys are going to be dead. It doesn't fucking matter. I. Dude, I had so many people in my life talk so much to me about my business in the early days where. When I was broke and I was living in the back of my store and I. We couldn't get anywhere, things weren't happening. I had so many people, bro, tell me, you know, hey, man, you know, when are you gonna stop messing around with that. With that little store and get a real job? When are you gonna start taking life serious? Hey, do you still got that little vitamin shop? You know, like, I had that for years, dude. And the truth of the matter is, is like, now I'm like, holy, bro, I'm so thankful that I did not listen to any of them, okay? Because now look, you know what I'm saying? Like, dude, I've achieved, you know, more. I mean, I ain't stopping. I'm just getting started. But the reality is I've achieved more than I ever thought I would achieve. And I'm only 40, 45 years old, okay? So. So. And that comes from not listening to these. To say this to you, dude. So, like, you. Another point to think about is a lot of these people aren't on the same path. They don't want what you want, so their opinions are irrelevant. But to answer your question, all right, the way I've gotten through this is just. And it. You know, a lot of people don't get this, but every championship person I know understands this. You Take what they say and you fucking use it. You take what they say, and when it makes you mad, you automatically go do something to get better. All right? So for you, in baseball, what position you play?

[Colt]

Second base.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay? So every time you think about what these said, you go out and you start taking ground balls, or you go out and you do your hitting, or you go out and do something that is going to move you forward, and that is how you properly use negative energy. A lot of people just get mad and they get bitter, but champion people use it and they. And, dude, to the point of where sometimes when you get really, really good, you got to make it up. Okay? There's a famous story about Michael Jordan where he went out on the court and started talking to one of the dudes. He's like, hey, man, I. I heard what you said about me. The guy's like, what are you talking about? I didn't say any of that. And he's like, yeah, you're gonna say that. Now we're on the court, man. You. I'm gonna. And then, dude, he. He just runs the dude over. Yeah. So, like, wow. Yeah, bro. So, like, it's. It's. You have to learn how to use the negative energy, bro, because here's the deal. In life, you're going to get two kinds of energy. You're going to get encouragement, and then you're going to get discouragement. You're going to get negative energy, brother. And you're not going to want to hear this, but the truth of the matter is 80% of the energy you're going to get is probably negative for a very long time until you become so undeniable that nobody wants to say that shit. All right? Because they look stupid. That doesn't come for years down the road. So right now where you're at, you're gonna have to take everything that they said and you're gonna have to get up off the couch or go put your spikes on and get your glove, get some ground balls, do some hitting practice. You know, I would encourage you to start learning some, you know, reading and learning about business and entrepreneurship and things that will help you professionally. Pass that. Even if you go play pro, you're going to want to know what to do past that. But just do something productive. Work out, go for a run. Something that makes you better, because that's what every. Bro, I've met some really champion level people. I mean, the best of the best of the best. Outside of Michael Jordan, I've probably met most of them and and, and fortunate enough to have conversations with them. And they all think like that, every single one of them. And you'll have these people out in the world to say, don't focus on the negative, focus on the positive. Well, if that's true, then you're only going to use 30, 20 to 30% of the available energy to move forward.

[DJ]

Right?

[Andy Frisella]

Okay. And I can tell you this, like, when someone tells me how good I am, it sure doesn't motivate me very much. Like when someone says, hey, man, you're congratulations on all the success. Like, I don't, I don't get the up and do any work any harder and say, oh, I want more. Yeah. When someone says, hey, you, Andy, you fat. Guess what I do. I go to the gym. You know what I'm saying? Like so, right? Yeah. So, dude, you just got to learn how to utilize that negative energy because, bro, we're going to get way more of it. And like DJ said, it gets worse. And if you don't have the ability to leverage it or you laugh it off too easy, a lot of people will say, oh, just laugh it off. Who cares? No, dude, take that in, get pissed about it and then go do the thing that's going to make you better. That's where most people miss it. They get real pissed. But then they sit there and they sulk. That doesn't do you any good, man. The best workouts I've ever had, the best ideas I've ever had, the hardest I've ever worked is when I felt disrespected. All right? So dude, swallow that and let it simmer and let it piss you off and then go do your bro, right? I'm talking like, right then. I don't mean like, dude, if it's 11 o' clock at night and someone's like, hey, you, bro, go for a 10 minute run. You know what I'm saying? Like, dude, if you can seriously discipline yourself enough to move forward, every time someone says some negative, do you know how good you become? You become great because the energy is just much more available than it is the positive. So what do you, I mean, what do you think, bro? Does that make sense?

[Colt]

Yes, sir. No.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay, what kind of are they saying to you, dude?

[Colt]

Just like, just like giving me crap about like playing Tom and transferring schools, like all this stuff, man.

[Andy Frisella]

Just swallow that down and work out. Work them, bro, and all work out. All right?

[Colt]

Yes, sir.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, man. You have any more issues with that, you call back in.

[DJ]

Yeah, I'll pull up now, bro, this.

[Andy Frisella]

Is part of growing up. Gotta go through, you know, I'm saying, like, dude, you know, part of the reason that I'm where I'm at in life is because everybody bullied me when I was young, bro. That's the truth. I was bullied. I was made fun of. I was called a fat. I was told I was no good. I had a guidance counselor in high school tell me that there's no way that I was going to ever be successful. Actually, what he told me was, I tried to go to. I wanted to go to Notre Dame, and I wanted to go to Notre Dame or the University of Texas. And his exact words to me were, andy, those schools aren't for people like you. You're. You're. You're a community. You're a community college person. And he told me that straight to my face. And, dude, to this day, I think about it. You know what I'm saying?

[DJ]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

So, like, these things that people say that, like, pierce your heart are the most valuable things that anybody will ever say to you in your entire life, but you won't realize it until you've. You've gone down the journey of where you want to go. All right? So one day, Colt, you're going to be in a position, and, you know, maybe it's in baseball, maybe it's a professional career just being a successful human. And you're going to say, man, I'm glad all those said that shit to me. You know what I'm saying? Like, you're going to, like, you know, like, I have a list, bro, and like, I. Sometimes I think about, like, literally sending them a thank you card. Now. I'm being serious. Yes.

[DJ]

Yeah, man.

[Andy Frisella]

Because I've been here without. I wouldn't. Yeah, I wouldn't, dude. And I've. I've learned to be appreciative of those people because of the fuel that they gave me and.

[Colt]

Right.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, dude, it's. It's hard to see when you're in it, but once you use it, you'll start to understand.

[DJ]

Love it. All right, Co. Go get it done, man.

[Colt]

All right. Yes, sir. Thank y' all so much for talking to me.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, brother. We'll see you. All right.

[Colt]

Y' all have a good one.

[Andy Frisella]

All right. You, too. Yeah, man. That's hard as a young dude stuff. Yeah.

[DJ]

I mean, especially do kids. Kids nowadays, they're mean as. It's different.

[Andy Frisella]

I know. They're savage, bro.

[DJ]

It's so different.

[Andy Frisella]

Plus, you got to go home and see it on the Internet.

[DJ]

That. Right, right. There's no. It's not off. You know, it used to be. It's just at school. No, that goes home with you. Like, it's everywhere, bro.

[Andy Frisella]

You just got to learn to sell. Oh, really?

[DJ]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay. All right, we'll see.

[DJ]

Watch this.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, that's right.

[DJ]

That's real.

[Andy Frisella]

We'll fucking see.

[DJ]

I love it, man. Well, guys, let's get to our second question. Got it right in here, guys. And question number two. Hey, Andy. I always ask everyone, everyone else for their opinions. Whether it's my friends, co workers, or just strangers online. I weigh every perspective but my own. I think. I'm afraid that if I really trusted myself and got it wrong, I'd have no one else to blame. But what if I'm the only one I need to trust? What would change if I finally did? How do you learn to trust yourself when it comes to perspectives?

[Andy Frisella]

First of all, look, dude, don't be asking your fucking friends who aren't doing the same shit that you're doing. Advice. You don't take financial advice from a fucking poor person. You don't take, you know, fitness advice from a 400 pound dude who's never worked out. This is common sense. Your fucking friends and probably most of your family is not doing or on the same path that you are on, all right? The nature of you writing into this show tells me that you want more. Nobody that doesn't want more listens to this show, okay? That's why so many people complain about it, all right? It is a small percentage of people that want to do better in life and you are in that group. And if you are trying to get validation or ask opinions from people who are not on that path, you are constantly inviting sandbag comments to pull you off track, all right? They're going to instill doubt. They're going to make you question things. They're going to discourage you. They're going to say things that make you feel a certain way that you shouldn't feel, all right? And it's hard to get past this because in your mind, these are the people who should care about you the most, all right? So you have to understand, dude, real simple. You cannot take advice when it comes to your path from anybody that hasn't been down the road or. Or is on the same path. It's a completely different life than everybody else. All this you see on the Internet about balance and all this victimhood and all this, oh, trauma, and you need therapy, bro. That's for everybody else, okay? You're a builder, you're a creator, you're an achiever. And you know that in your heart, which is why you're asking the question. So you are paralyzed by people who aren't even on the same path. You have to understand that. Stop asking people who aren't even in the same stratosphere about what they want in life, what you should be doing. They're going to give you advice about what they do. This should be obvious to you, okay? And all that does is confuse you and paralyze you and cause you to eventually doubt enough to where you give up. And you say it, it's not for me. Everybody around me tells, tells me it's not for me. Everybody says I'm not smart enough or I'm not good enough or I'm not humble enough or I need to be like this or I need to do that or. Are you sure? Listen, stop doing that. You are torturing yourself by asking them anything. All right? If you want to be an average that lives an average life that doesn't really want to ask them what you should do. Because whatever they say, bro, if you follow it, you just go be like them. That's the truth. That's the truth. Okay? Now to the point of listening to yourself. The reason that you don't trust yourself is because you haven't ever built the confidence to trust yourself. I bet without looking at your life, you have a major problem with execution and you have a major problem with follow through. I can tell by the nature of your question because if you were executing and if you were following through, you would have developed confidence in yourself to make the decisions that you want to make without anybody else's opinion. When you have built yourself into a resilient, strong, badass, mentally hard, you do not need other people's opinions on things. You only ask them when they know more than you. Which is a smart thing to do, by the way. All right? So we have to work with you on building your confidence, building your self esteem, building your grit, building your fortitude, following through. All right? And dude, by the way, I've developed an entire program that helps you train this in yourself. It's called 75 Hard and Live Hard. You get it for free at episode 208. I'm sure you've heard of it because the whole world's heard of it. All right? You need to live on that lifestyle. That is the truth. You need to get on Live Hard. I would recommend every entrepreneur do it because it sharpens you throughout the entire year. It Keeps you high performing, it keeps you mentally clear, and it allows you to operate at the highest level. And by the way, it gives you the confidence that you could trust yourself because you've just shown yourself that you can do all these hard things that other people can't even fathom. So you don't look to other people's validation anymore because you know you're stronger than them. All right? So if you want to trust yourself, you've got to give yourself reasons to trust yourself. And you haven't done that yet. All right? So go out live on the program. Understand that the more you listen to people who aren't doing, the more likely you are to fall into line with them and not do either, all right? And then start seeking the advice of people who are further down the road or have done what it is that you want to do and only listen to them. Don't listen to anybody else. So that's pretty much it, bro. Like, you gotta understand, dude, the ability to trust yourself comes from situations where you made decisions on your own, you followed through and it worked out. That is a muscle that you have to train, bro. You. It's a perishable skill. If you don't train that within yourself, it's gonna come and go. Sometimes you're gonna have confidence, sometimes you won't. Sometimes you'll feel good, sometimes you won't. Sometimes you'll be able to trust yourself, sometimes you won't. And, dude, you'll go up and down and it'll drive you crazy. You need to become the kind of person that can trust themselves, that can follow through on their word, that can do what they say they're going to do. And that is something that you have to intentionally train. It is not something that people are born with. It's something that you have to build through repetition. Just like playing the guitar or just like doing anything that requires practice, okay? A lot of people, they play the guitar and they don't play for three or four years, and guess what? They suck. All right? If you take a shower today and you don't take one for the next week, you don't get to go back and say, hey, well, I took a shower that one time. Doesn't work like that. It's the same thing with your discipline. It's the same thing with your confidence. It's the same thing with your self belief. It's. You have to train them, all right? And once you start to train them, you will have more trust and faith in yourself. So stop listening to people who aren't on the same path. They're poisoning your mind. They're instilling doubt. They're making you question things. And eventually they'll make you question it so much that you will give up and you will join them. And then you will spend the rest of your life being regretful of not doing what it is you wanted to do.

[DJ]

I want to, I want to ask. This is going to be a real conversation, and I don't, I don't think anybody talks about this. How do you handle the resentment when you finally learn that when you were asking them for their opinion, they told you go left and you didn't like, just how wrong they were? How do you handle that resentment? Is there reason?

[Andy Frisella]

No. I mean, look, dude, well, it depends if. Did they do it intentionally or did they. Or they just. They just don't know because they're not on the path. Right. Like, I guess it matters. But listen, it does matter. Intent. Intent does matter because some people will try to help you, but they don't know. Right. They have no business trying to help you. Right. They don't. They. And they, they're not aware enough. And the person asking is not aware enough to say, hey, this guy's life sucks. You know what I'm saying? Like, might not be right. Yeah. So we have to, we have to not give value to our friends and family, to skills that they do not possess. They do not possess at all. They might want to help you, but they can't help you. That's like someone who can't swim being asked to swim out in the middle of a lake and save a drowning person. It's. You can't do it. You might want to, but you can't. All right? And so if it's like that, there really isn't resentment. You just say, hey, they, they're. They love me. They're. They gave me what they thought was good advice and it was framed because that's what they believe and that's why you don't ask them.

[DJ]

Right.

[Andy Frisella]

All right. And in that case, there's no resentment. It's just, hey, we're on different paths. It's a good hearted person, you know, well, we can hang out the barbecues and be cool friends, but I'm not gonna ask him. You know what I mean? Right.

[DJ]

Right.

[Andy Frisella]

I mean, there's plenty of people out there that you can remain friends with and just not ask their advice or when they give it, just say, hey, man, you know, real talk, I don't give a. You know what I'm saying, right? So. But then there is people that will try to pull you off track and you'll realize it down the road, especially with, like, people you date. All right? You'll realize that. And, dude, it's just realizing that those people don't give a about you. They give a about them. And. And, dude, you don't. You don't have to resent them. You just let them go, bro. Just let it go. Resentment eats you up. It doesn't do anything to them. It doesn't fix the situation. It's not productive. You just accept things for what they are. And they are what they are.

[DJ]

I love that, dude. Yeah, I love it, man. Guys, let's get to our third and final question. Got another call in. All right, let's do it. All right, guys, our third and final question. We got another call in. This is Hunter. Let's give Hunter a call. Hey, what's up, Hunter?

[Colt]

What's going on?

[DJ]

Scared me there.

[Andy Frisella]

What's up, Hunter? How you doing, bro?

[Colt]

What's up, man?

[Andy Frisella]

So what we got? What do you got for us today, bro? Where you at? You sound like you're in, like. You in Alabama?

[Colt]

No, no, North Carolina. I got my whole family in the car. We're going to see the new Lilo and Stitch movie.

[Andy Frisella]

All right. All right. So the family's there, huh?

[Colt]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I got you in my earbud because you never know. You know what can happen.

[Andy Frisella]

It's probably a good idea.

[DJ]

Smart.

[Andy Frisella]

Well, what can we help you with, bro?

[Colt]

Well, if you. If you don't mind, like, I'd like to maybe give you a little synopsis of like, my family's business and my situation and then read the question. So you got a little.

[Andy Frisella]

Understand. So sure.

[Colt]

We've been in business for 15 years. We've got a car dealership right outside of Raleigh, North Carolina, that my dad started with like a motorcycle and a tractor out of his garage. Sold those, bought his first car, sold that car, bought two more. Now we've got two locations with 150 units over the last 15 years. He's built a pretty. Pretty successful business in our area that our community trusts and, you know, we do things the right way. As you should. The question that I've got relates to the culture of our business. So he. I'll just read it to you. So my question was, how can I shift the culture of a small family business when the majority of the employees are old? Established hires are not only lazy, but can be active cancers within the company? My dad has Made all of these hires and now it's kind of stepped away from the day to day is more hands off in the company.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay, well, what's your role in the company?

[Colt]

So I run. So we have two, three locations. I run one of the car lots and I have. I've kind of revamped all of my employees and established like my own culture within my store. The other two locations are all hires that have really been with them since day one. And the majority of them are great. But there are a couple that I think he obviously wants to see the good in his people that he hired and doesn't see how they behave on the day to day.

[Andy Frisella]

Right.

[Colt]

So we've got some, you know, just some bad apples in the group that know that since he was. They were hired by him almost have like the hidden immunity idol. And there's nothing that I can really do to manage those employees because they know that he hired them and I can't fire them.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay. And those employees work inside your store?

[Colt]

No, no, I've. I've got. I don't have any of the old employees at my location, but so we have like an auto shop that all of our cars go through. So we were in a detail shop at the other store. So we work closely with all locations. But my store independently does not have any of the.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay.

[Colt]

Old established hires.

[Andy Frisella]

And how's your store perform next to the other stores?

[Colt]

Great. I mean we. They have about three to four times the inventory that I do. And I, I mean I, I hang right with them every month in terms of sales. So they have four times the product. Three to four times the product. And I typically, you know, and maybe a small percentage behind what they sell.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay.

[Colt]

With maybe more than half, less than half the inventory.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay. All right. So is your dad planning on like, like getting completely out to where you're going to be things at any time soon?

[Colt]

See, that's, that's where it's weird is like he. Every week, like he's gone four or five days a week. When he stops into the store, it's only for maybe 10 or 15 minutes.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay.

[Colt]

But he's very adamant about keeping his. His people.

[Andy Frisella]

Why do you think that is? Why do you think that is?

[Colt]

Well, yeah. So he's got a very good heart.

[Andy Frisella]

Right.

[Colt]

And. And his people are loyal to him.

[Andy Frisella]

Yep.

[Colt]

And. But I've heard you say time and time again that, you know, just because you show up for work, you may be loyal in terms of like being on time and doing what you. But they're just, they just do what they're supposed to do as an employee. But they are loyal. Right. They've been with him for 10 or 12 years, but since he stepped away from the company, like, I don't think that.

[Andy Frisella]

How old are, how old are these people?

[Colt]

Probably like late 40s, early 50s.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay, and what is your ideal outcome for what are you. Are you trying to grow the company, trying to open up more stores? What are you trying to do?

[Colt]

Yeah, so right now we're just kind of coasting with what we've got. We've got a lot of room to grow. We could probably double our inventory between the two stores, the current locations. But I think the ten year plan would be, you know, open a second or third or fourth retail location and grow outwards in that, in that manner.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay. All right, man. So here's the deal. Your dad is loyal to these people because they helped him build what he has. Okay. And sure, this is a common trait. You know, I have a number of people that have helped me grow my companies that I would do literally anything for. And some of them are still here and some of them aren't. And they're. If you're a good person like you say your dad is, you know, when I ask you that question, I was pretty sure what the answer was going to be. You know, you feel a very deep sense of gratitude and you tend to give sometimes passes to people that you wouldn't another in other situations and.

[Colt]

Right.

[Andy Frisella]

How I would address this issue. Okay. Because here's the truth. You already know what's got to happen. There's only two things that can happen here. One, they can get on board. Two, they can get the out. All right? And they're probably not going to get on board at 50 years old. I just got to be real. They've already accepted their lifestyle. They've already, like, they've. You know, most people at 50 are not ambitious. They've decided, hey, man, this is just what my life's going to be. And so to get those people to, to execute at a higher level than what they've been used to is probably it's going to be very difficult. Probably now there's going to be exceptions. Right. But probably not. Okay. So the other thing. So the other situation is, you know, okay, you got to get rid of them. Your dad doesn't want to get rid of them because they're 50 years old and he's thinking like, well, what are they going to do? It's going to them up. So what needs to happen here before the culture even gets addressed. You have to have a conversation with your dad, okay? And you have to say, hey, look, Dad, I know that you built this business. It's you. What you've done is amazing. I want to take the business to the next level so that I can be proud of what I've done with my life. I don't want to just sit here in the store and run a store. I want to take what you've done, and I want to take it to the next level, which I'm sure at one point in time is what you also wanted. And then I would say, yeah, I would say, look at my grandkids. I'm trying to provide. Or look at your grandkids. I'm trying to provide the best opportunity for them. And the reason you're going to say it like that is because you want him to expand his thinking outside of just himself or you, okay? And if you say, hey, I'm trying to set something up for them, that he's going to see that differently, all right? So you have this conversation with them, and you say, look, there's only so much I can do with Steve and Larry and Bob, okay? They're up everything that I got going on. They can. You have to talk to them. They can either work and. And get on board with me, or we're gonna have to get rid of them because it's gonna hurt our family, man. And you have to have a real conversation with him. And you gotta say, like, hey, Dad, I know you have a good heart, and I know you care about these people, but you care about those grandkids more than you care about those people, all right? And you got to start putting pressure on them to understand that. That, like, this is bigger than him. And it is. This isn't. This isn't manipulation. This is just a. Like, a negotiation to get him to realize, like, hey, man. Because he's probably not realizing it. He's probably thinking like, oh, everything's good. I gotta. You know, I can go to fishing. I can go do my thing, and everything's fine. But what he. What he doesn't realize, like you said, is what goes on when he's not there. All right? So sure, that conversation has to happen, and it has to happen in a real serious way. Like, hey, like, hey, dad, can you. Can we get together, like, or can we meet here and I need to talk to you about something that's. That's. It's real important. I just don't want to bring it up Casually, like set an official meeting with him so that there's weight to the conversation. All right? And then, yeah, then we can start addressing the culture. Okay? Because until you get the cancer out of your. You're correct in your assessment. Until you get the cancer out of your company, you can't get people aligned. Because. And I'm going to explain this, you already know this, but I'm going to explain this for the listeners. When Hunter tries to change the culture, what's happening here is he's being undermined by people who have been there longer, who are older than him, who are. Who know the way. It really is. This is how we've always done it. And so Hunter's walking in the room saying, hey, guys, this is what I want to do. This is what we want to do. This is this. And the minute he walks out of the room, he's getting undermined by these people who truly don't give a fuck. And, and, and we might sit here and say, oh, they. They really do care. No, they don't. Because if they really cared, they get on board with them. If they really cared, they would do what is going to be best for the company. And if they were really loyal to your dad, bro, they would work their fucking asses off in gratitude for the opportunity that they've been provided. That's the truth. Okay? So this. This guilt, this guilt that your dad has is wrong. It's misplaced. Okay? If they were loyal, they would be. They would be doing everything they can to grow that business because it would also serve them to grow it as well. But like I said, They're 50 years old. They've accepted where they are. They're ambitious. They don't want to work any harder. And every place has people like that. But the minute they start undermining and the minute they start sabotage, they got to go, bro. They gotta go. So.

[Colt]

Yep.

[Andy Frisella]

So, you know, that's. That has to be addressed before we address the culture. All right? Now once you get all that addressed, there is some formalization that you can do inside your company. And dude, listen, culture is a. That's a week long boot camp, okay? And I actually am going to start doing something like that soon, but in a shorter time. We have. What you have to do, dude, is you have to set some standards and you have. I'll give you a couple pieces of. Of what the. What this will take to fix it, all right? One, you got to define what the vision is. All right? What's the vision of what you're trying to do. Once you define that, you have to make the vision work for them. Okay? They have to understand what are they going to get out of the vision. They have to believe that they can get it out of that vision. And. And so you have to set basically a very clear goal for what they are going to get out of growing the company. Number two, you got to develop a really, a real mission statement. Not some bullshit that you put on the wall that says we, we here at, you know, at Hunter car dealership, we stand for integrity. No, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about some real that you guys live by. All right, then three, you have to set core values for the company. And these core values, you could pick like six to 10 of them. And these have to become the guide rails for how you audit your performance, your decision. And you have to teach your employees to audit themselves against those same values. Meaning if the value says accept responsibility or go the extra mile, they should be able to look at that list and say, am I doing that? Am I going the extra mile? Am I taking responsibility for the things that go wrong and use that and teach them as a framework how to stay within that guide rail. And the third part or the fourth part here is going to be speak in that language. Meaning when you make a correction, when you have to, you know, let's say have a meeting with someone or talk to them about something, or you're making a correction about something you're gonna want, instead of saying, hey, that was wrong, don't do that again. You're gonna say, hey, what core value do you think that violates here? And you make them go up and down and tell you. And then you say, okay, what do you think you should have done? And you make them go up and down and tell you, all right? And you start communicating and correcting along these core values. And I guess the sixth thing, I don't know how many numbers is that? Five or six, whatever. The next thing is, you need to hire and fire by those core values. So if you have. And you've already figured this part out, if you have people that aren't a fit, they gotta go no matter what. It doesn't matter how good they sell. It doesn't matter what. It doesn't matter. They have to go because those people will always poison the culture. So those are some quick things that you can do, dude. And oh, and here's another one. Instead of making. Do you guys have like awards and that you do?

[Colt]

Yeah, yeah, we've got some like Bonus programs.

[Andy Frisella]

And what are they and what are they based upon how much you sell?

[Colt]

It just depends on the position. But yeah, typically it's based off sales. Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, so take, take that metric having it based off sales and make your awards based on the core values. Okay.

[Colt]

Meaning gotcha.

[Andy Frisella]

You know, like who, who did, who had the coolest go the extra mile story for the dealership? Who had the, you know, like start making the rewards based around the value system that you, that you have inside your company and that will correct the behavior. Because they won't. Because like, dude, as you know, as a salesperson, you know, sales at the cost of anything is not actually a good way to run your business because it feels salesy and people don't come back and then you get a bad reputation. So overselling is probably one of the worst things you could do in any business. So you want to, you want to shift the idea from selling to actually serving and helping through these core values. And when you do that, bro, you end up in a situation where people are providing the best possible outcome for your customers because ultimately the best marketing that you have. And I don't know anything about your business, but it's word of mouth. They're going to say, hey, I went down to, I went down to Hunter. The guys were awesome. I would never go anywhere else. I'm only going to hunt. Yes.

[Colt]

And that's not, I mean in the community we've got, I mean on Google we've got like a 4.9 star. I mean we probably over 50% of our business from word of mouth.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[Colt]

Do you mind if I ask a quick follow up?

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[Colt]

So because I'm not. Let's say you have two options to deal with the cancer, right? You can, if you can cut it out immediately, which is not an option for me. I'm kind of left as acting as almost like a chemo. Right. And so these people have been left kind of put on my plate where I have to deal with them, but throwing them out, cutting them out is not an option. So how can I deal with these people? And almost like how can I make these people more effective when they're not my hires? They don't do what I say and they know that they've found like an immunity where there's nothing I can do per se. Right. Like there's no respect for me.

[Andy Frisella]

You want to know the truth? You want to know the truth? You fucking can't. Can't do it. You can't do it. You'll lose. So it's either get rid of them, right, or you're going to lose. That's it. Or get rid of them. You're going to stay where you're at. So that's why I said, you need to talk to your dad. You're going to have to have a confrontational discussion with your dad, because I've been doing this for 26 years. I'm probably one of the biggest experts in the world on culture, and I can promise you I couldn't do what you're asking for you to do.

[DJ]

There's no other work.

[Andy Frisella]

I couldn't fucking do it.

[Colt]

We've, we've, we've. This has been a discussion for, who knows, probably the last couple of years. And I've been sending the episodes to show them. Hey, look what he said. The cancer. Got to get rid of it. And so my sharing the show and not being a hoe has been really sending these episodes to him to say, look, man, this guy's built, you know, astronomical things. He's not just making it up. And there's no, there's no example where the cancer stays in the business.

[Andy Frisella]

It can't happen. There's only two options. They can either get on board and respect your father, who gave them a career, and work at the standard that needs to be done, or they have to go and that's it. And, and, and, dude, this undermining shit, okay, if you're saying, oh, well, I need to make it better right away, look, dude, I know how I would handle it, like, but I probably can't say it on the air. Okay, Real talk. Yeah, like, real talk, dude. Like, you're not gonna undermine me now when I'm paying your bills. It's not happening, bro. So that's. That's total disrespect. Total disrespect. So at a bare minimum, that has to stop, but it's still not going to fix what you're trying to fix. If you want to fix a little bit today, I go sit down with them. I say, hey, man, I get you've been here for 55 years, whatever the fuck they've been here, and I'd say, I, I get that. And I get that. How old are you?

[Colt]

26.

[Andy Frisella]

I get that. I'm only 26. And you think I'm like some young dude, doesn't know shit, but I'm going to tell you right now, between me and you, I'm going to get my way. And if you. The minute I get it, if you don't stop what you're doing, you're going to be the out of here. And I'd tell that right to their face. I pull them outside, I'd say, hey, let me talk to you for a second. And I'd have a real. That's exactly what I would say. I'd say, hey, look here, Bob, I know you're 50 years old. You don't give a. About your life, but you see those kids over there? I give a fuck about them. And my dad gave you a fucking opportunity to build a career to do these things. And you're. Every time I walk out of the meeting, you're telling these guys this and this and this. That's gonna stop. Because there's gonna be a day real soon where I'm running and you're not gonna have a job. And I would make that really clear, dude. And if they. You know. Yeah, that. I would say just like that. That'll get you a little bit of time.

[Colt]

Yeah.

[DJ]

That'll buy you some time.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah. It won't fix it.

[Colt]

Right. Yeah. Probably need to sit down as a company. Right. And address the issues.

[Andy Frisella]

No.

[Colt]

With all of us together in the room.

[Andy Frisella]

Well, I mean. Yeah.

[Colt]

I would do this.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[Colt]

After we discussed in private. Get on the same page.

[Andy Frisella]

That's. That's passive, bro. Okay? You. You. First of all, you can't hold the whole company accountable for the actions of a few, because the ones that are really. The ones that are really trying hard will be discouraged by that. They'll say, dude, Hunter's not seeing. What, like, all the. I do. Like, they don't even appreciate it.

[DJ]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

So it has to be in private.

[Colt]

Right? Right. Okay, bro.

[Andy Frisella]

I'll come do it. Those guys.

[Colt]

Man. Sounds like a plan, dude.

[Andy Frisella]

Listen. Do it. Otherwise, you're going to be stuck in the same system forever. And. And, dude, you're going to be failing your own family, bro. Those guys. Okay, if they don't want to get on board and your dad feels bad, you need to get your dad to understand they're not respecting what he's. What he's done for them.

[Colt]

Right?

[DJ]

That's real.

[Colt]

Yeah. Well, that's what I'll do first thing tomorrow morning.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, brother?

[Colt]

I wasn't at a movie with my family right now. Yeah, do it now. But I'll have to.

[Andy Frisella]

No, I get it. But listen, man, I'm. Listen, you will be glad you did this. It will change. It will get you in a position where you can grow and you can do your thing, and it'll probably happen a lot faster than 10 years, dude.

[Colt]

Right?

[Andy Frisella]

So. All right, bro.

[Colt]

Sounds good, man. Well, thank you, guys. I appreciate it.

[Andy Frisella]

You're welcome, Hunter. See you, bro.

[Colt]

All right. Yep. Have a good one. Bye.

[DJ]

Yeah. That's a hard convo to have, man.

[Andy Frisella]

It is if you never had it.

[DJ]

Yeah, that's gotta be.

[Andy Frisella]

It is if you never had it. I don't. Listen, man, that's. That's real. Those guys aren't respecting his dad for what they did for him. And now they're sandbagging this guy, you know, and his family and what he's trying to do because he's only 26 and they don't want to listen to him. He's out here trying to build a career. You know, the truth of the matter is, if his dad won't allow him to do that, he should go do his own thing. Because he's always going to be handicapped by his dad's inability to recognize what is true. You know what I'm saying? And then his dad has to see, like, man, I'm hurting my own family by keeping these guys here.

[DJ]

Yeah. And he does have a heart. He's gonna see that. And he'll get an eye.

[Andy Frisella]

Maybe. I mean, maybe.

[DJ]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

You know, I understand how his dad feels, bro, but listen, there's a time when loyalty expires. There's an expiration to loyalty. It does not last forever. Okay.

[DJ]

Ain't just this trade off.

[Andy Frisella]

Yes.

[DJ]

Yeah. Right, Right. Man, I was thinking too bad. Like, even just on the cancer conversation, bro. Like, even having the conversation, you know?

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[DJ]

They might get in line for a little bit.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah. It's a band aid.

[DJ]

A little bit.

[Andy Frisella]

Listen, man, at 50 years old, you are who the fuck you are. You know what I'm saying?

[DJ]

Yeah, man. Well, guys. Andy, that was three.

[Andy Frisella]

All right. All right, guys. Well, let's get out there, let's have a good week, and we'll see you tomorrow.

[DJ]

Sleeping on the float now my jury.

[Andy Frisella]

Box froze up Bow up stove Counted millions in a cold bad bitch Booted swole Got her own bank roll can't.

[DJ]

Fold that's a no head shot case.

[Andy Frisella]

Close.