965. Q&AF: Over-Planning Vs Action, Saying No Without Guilt, and Leading Employees With Bad Attitudes

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: REAL AF with Andy Frisella
Episode: #965 – Q&AF: Over-Planning Vs Action, Saying No Without Guilt, and Leading Employees With Bad Attitudes
Host: Andy Frisella (with co-host DJ)
Date: November 17, 2025

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Overview

In this Q&AF (Questions & Andy Frisella) episode, Andy and DJ address listeners’ questions about personal growth, business, and leadership. Key topics include the balance between preparing and taking action, how to say “no” without guilt, and managing skilled employees with bad attitudes. The conversation is direct, no-nonsense, and loaded with both practical advice and tough love, characteristic of Andy’s style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Over-Preparation vs. Action: The "Success Zombie" Trap

(Starts at 04:11)

• Question: When does preparation become a roadblock? Is there such a thing as too much preparation?
• Andy agrees with GSP’s quote "Preparation is the antidote to fear," but warns against becoming a “success zombie”—someone who over-prepares and never starts.
• “People who win make up their minds, and then they say, I'm going to do this no matter what it takes... and they start climbing before people, and they keep climbing after other people quit. And that's the secret to doing this.” (Andy, 06:16)
• Andy stresses that discipline is a skill, not a trait. It must be built and maintained intentionally.
• Society conditions people to seek approval, contributing to excessive preparation (“waiting for permission”).
• Notable Moment: Andy’s rant on discipline and the harm of societal conditioning:
  "You have been conditioned over the course of your life to believe you are incapable of things because they want you to be small... The last thing they want is a population of independent achievers... because it makes them hard to control." (Andy, 09:45)
• Mistakes are inevitable and necessary—you learn as you go, not before.

Timestamps:

• Discipline as a skill, not a trait – 07:15
• The “success zombie” – 05:23
• Society & seeking approval – 06:40, 09:30

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2. Saying "No" Without Guilt & Setting Boundaries

(Starts at 14:30)

• Question: How do you balance being helpful, reliable, and also saying “no” when needed?
• Andy admits this is tough, especially for people who genuinely care about others.
• "Here I am, 27 years into business and I'm just finally learning how to just say ‘no’, I can't do that right now." (Andy, 15:16)
• Practicing saying “no” is crucial. People respect boundaries more than unkept promises.
• DJ and Andy discuss the misconception that saying “no” is confrontational:
  "Most people struggle with this. They perceive it as confrontation when in reality, it's not confrontation... it's just real." (Andy, 17:57)
• When it comes to finances/favors, Andy’s rule: if he helps, it’s a gift, not a loan, to prevent ruining relationships.
• Warning: Repeatedly bailing out others, especially financially, handicaps their growth.
• Be aware of people manufacturing needs or manipulating your generosity.

Timestamps:

• The value of practicing boundaries – 16:38
• The “money tree” & helping family financially – 19:12
• The difference between a gift and a loan – 20:05
• Risks of handicapping others – 21:57

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3. Leading Skilled Employees with Bad Attitudes

(Starts at 22:49)

• Question: What’s more important: attitude or job knowledge? What to do about skilled employees with bad attitudes?
• Andy is unequivocal:
  “It will [ruin the company]. 100%. Especially if he's good.” (Andy, 23:28)
• Highly skilled employees often become informal leaders, so a bad attitude can corrode company culture.
• Always hire for attitude and culture, and train for skill.
• High skill often (but not always) comes with high ego; it’s tough to change someone’s core attitude once established.
• “There's no one person that's going to make or break your company… Your job is to build an amazing company that benefits you and the people... and you can't do that with someone standing in the way because they got a bad attitude.” (Andy, 26:45)
• Humility is misinterpreted: great performers may appear cocky in public, but are humble in preparation (e.g., Conor McGregor analogy).

On Adjusting Attitude:

• Give honest feedback and try to develop the person’s awareness of their impact.
• “Sometimes it's just as simple as pulling someone aside and saying, hey, look, dude... all these dudes that you're around listen to you... and when you do this and that... you're messing up everything we're doing.” (Andy, 34:09)
• If the person can’t or won’t adjust, it’s time to move on.

The Ultimate Employee Value:

• The most highly valued employees are those who can replicate their own high performance in others.
• “If you're a good performer, and you can figure out how to make the three guys next to you just as good, you're fucking invaluable.” (Andy, 37:03)

Timestamps:

• Cultural impact of "stars" with bad attitudes – 23:32
• Leadership capital & humility paradox – 27:22–31:12
• Approaching the employee about their impact – 34:09
• Replication of high performance & true value – 36:46, 37:03

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Andy on discipline vs. talent:
  “Discipline is a skill that has to be nurtured, invested in, maintained, watched forever.” (07:08)
• Andy on society’s conditioning:
  “You have been conditioned... to keep you weak, to keep you small, to keep you fat, to keep you uneducated...” (09:45)
• DJ on fear and qualification:
  “Who's supposed to come and qualify you then?” (12:07)
• Andy on regret and starting earlier:
  “Every time I faced a big challenge...then I went and did it, I was like, dude, I should have done that years ago.” (12:36)
• Andy on financial boundaries:
  “If there's a need, and if I'm going to accommodate that need financially, it's always a gift. It's never a loan.” (19:18)
• Andy on employee leadership:
  “Being the best incorporates great performance AND great leadership together. That makes everybody else around you better.” (36:46)
• Andy on ultimate employee value:
  “The most valuable skill you can have is high performance with the ability to replicate it in other people.” (38:00)

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Important Segments – Quick Reference

• 04:11 – Q1: Preparation vs. Action, “success zombies”
• 07:08-09:45 – Skill of discipline, societal conditioning
• 14:50 – Q2: Saying no, setting boundaries, and trust
• 19:01 – Saying no to money requests; gifts vs. loans
• 22:49 – Q3: Attitude vs. Skill in employees
• 27:22–31:12 – Humility, confidence, and the “cocky” myth
• 34:09–37:03 – How to address and correct a bad-attitude team member
• 37:03–38:20 – High performance + leadership = ultimate value

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Conclusion

Andy and DJ keep it brutally honest, drawing from decades of business experience to answer listener questions with actionable advice:

• Don’t plan yourself out of acting—discipline is built by doing, not by waiting for permission.
• Learn to say “no” respectfully and firmly; it protects your character and your relationships.
• Culture trumps skill—never tolerate a skilled employee who poisons your team, but always try to coach them first.
• Humility is required for growth; confidence is required for performance.

Listeners are reminded:

“Don’t be a hoe. Share the show.” (Andy, recurring)

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Transcript

[Unknown Rapper]

Yeah, went from sleeping on the floor now my jury box froze up Pole stove Counted millions in a cold bad booted swole Got her own bank roll can't fold that's a no head shot case. Clothes.

[Andy Frisella]

What is up, guys, It's Andy Frisella, and this is the show for the realists. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society, and welcome to reality, guys. Today we have Q&AF. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. Questions can be about anything, by the way. We prefer to keep them about business, life, personal development, but you can ask whatever you want. And you could ask those questions a number of different ways. Dj, tell them how.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Guys, you can email your questions into [e-mail] you can also check the link in the description below and submit your questions for a chance to be on our call ins. You can also drop your questions in the comments of the Q&A F episodes on the tube.

[Andy Frisella]

All right. And if it's your first time listening, it's not always Q&AF. We have CTI, all right, and there's a big schedule change on CTI coming up. We are transitioning to live format.

[DJ (Co-host)]

We are live.

[Andy Frisella]

We are live, which means we will be live tonight.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Tonight.

[Andy Frisella]

Oh, what time?

[DJ (Co-host)]

Monday. Monday. Monday.

[Andy Frisella]

Where do people see us live?

[DJ (Co-host)]

You guys can check us on YouTube.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Or Twitter.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, so live shows coming at you starting tonight. And we'll let you know the schedule tonight if we figure it out by then. All right, so we got CTI cruise the Internet. That's where we put topics on the screen. We talk about it. You'll see it tonight. Then we got Real Talk. Real talk. Just five to, you know, 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk. And then we have 75 hard verses. That's where people who have completed the 75 hard program come on the show. They talk about how they were before, how they are now, and how they use the 75 hard program to become who they are today. If you're unfamiliar with 75 hard is the initial phase of the live hard program, which is available in its entirety at episode 2.08 on the audio feed. Again, that's 2.08 on the audio feed only. There's also a book available. It's called the Book on Mental Toughness. You can get it at andy for salla.com it includes the entire live hard program, plus a whole bunch of other stuff on mental toughness. You don't have to buy the Book. But if you're someone who enjoys knowing the in depth knowledge of why, how, et cetera, et cetera, the book is an amazing option. We sell it out all the time. So you want the book, you get andypressala.com if you want it for free. It's episode 208 on the audio feed. Makes no difference to me. All right, now before we get started, we do have a fee for the show. The fee is very simple. We ask you to share the show. All right? Put a lot of work into the show. We don't take ad revenue. It's very simply just on word of mouth. So we ask very simply. The show makes you laugh, it makes you think. It gives you a new perspective. If it's something that makes you better or laugh, do us a favor and don't be a hoe.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Share the show.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, what's up?

[DJ (Co-host)]

What'd you wearing tonight for the live?

[Andy Frisella]

Oh, I don't know.

[DJ (Co-host)]

I mean, I feel like we should dress up or something.

[Andy Frisella]

For our first live.

[DJ (Co-host)]

For our first live.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah. I don't know, man. We'll have to figure it out.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah, I hadn't thought about it. Well, yeah, call me so we can figure this out.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, we'll figure it out.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Might wear a revolution outfit. Hey, man, do something.

[Andy Frisella]

It's got to start somewhere.

[DJ (Co-host)]

That's what I'm saying, dude. It's gonna be fucking six inevitable at this point. I'm excited. Yeah, I'm excited.

[Andy Frisella]

But I think the live format is going to be cool.

[DJ (Co-host)]

It's going to be great. We got great people. Even the people that are not so great, they're going to be in there. Yeah, we have a great time.

[Andy Frisella]

That's right. You guys are stupid.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Yes. We never claim not to be.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah. All right, now it's going to be great though, man. But before we get to our live show tonight, we have Q and A. So we are here to make some people better.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Got some write ins because we got a lot happening. So we got to. We got to get through these, but we got some. We got some good. I got three good ones for you.

[Andy Frisella]

Do you.

[DJ (Co-host)]

I got three good.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, let's do it.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Let's knock these out, guys. Andy, question number one. And you know George St. Pierre.

[Andy Frisella]

Yes.

[DJ (Co-host)]

The martial artist.

[Andy Frisella]

I don't know him, but I know he is.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah, one of the greatest. Right? Okay, so that's what question number one's about. It's a question about a quote that he has. George St. Pierre has a quote saying that Preparation is the antidote to fear. But when does preparation become a roadblock to getting started? There's some. Is there such thing as, like, too much fucking preparation?

[Andy Frisella]

Oh, yeah. I mean, look, both things can be true at once, right? Most people have anxiety, fear from performing and going because they're not prepared. But you could definitely get in a position where you prepare, prepare, prepare, prepare, prepare, and never go as well. I call those people success zombies. These are the people that consume all of the information. They listen to all the podcasts, they go to the seminars, they have the ideas, they have the plans, but they think that they have to have some sort of approval to actually start. They believe, like I believed when I was younger, that someone was going to come around and believe in them or signal to them or welcome them into the club before they go. And that just never happens, right? It's a false expectation that we all have, right? We grow up needing approval. We grow up, you know, going to school, raising our hand to go to the bathroom, asking permission for everything. And so it's ingrained in us to get approval before we do things. But what you have to understand when it comes to breaking out of the normal life experience that most humans experience, which is wake up, go to work, get a meager paycheck, go home, try to figure out how to make that work, and then Repeat that for 60 years, you know, there's nobody that comes around and says, hey, come here. It's better over here. You know, that's. I'm going to be the closest to that that you're going to ever have. And because we grow up and we all know that we don't know what we're doing, we all think we're unqualified, but the secret is, guys, everybody's unqualified. All these people that you look at, all these people that you look up to, they don't have anything that you don't have. They just do things differently than you do. And what they do and what unsuccessful do. And this comes from my observation many, many years, it really comes down to one thing. You know, people who win make up their minds, and then they say, I'm going to do this no matter what it takes, no matter how long it takes, no matter how hard it is, no matter what I have to go through to make this happen. And they start climbing before people, and they keep climbing after other people quit. And that's the secret to doing this. It has. There's no special skill. There's no secret knowledge, there's no magic. In fact, the magic that everybody thinks there is is just simply persevering through the hard things that come our way and never stopping. And that sounds overly simple. And because it sounds simple, a lot of people believe that it's. But it's not. It really is that simple. That's why training yourself to become somebody who can adhere to a plan, meaning discipline, is the most important skill that you can develop in yourself. Most people believe that. People are either born with discipline or they're not. They either have it or they don't. And while it can appear to be that way, it's just not the truth. All right? Discipline is a skill that has to be nurtured, invested in, maintained, watched forever. It's something that you have to. To invest in and be aware of. Forever is diminishing. Skill set is no different than playing a musical instrument. If you play a musical instrument for 10 years and you quit for 10 years, it's almost like starting over. All right? This is on a shorter scale, okay? Like, if you eat good for two weeks and then you eat bad for two weeks, you got to start over. So when we think about discipline, we have to stop thinking about it as a trait that we are gifted with and start thinking of it as a skill that we develop. And when you develop that skill of adherence through building your discipline by leaning into the things that are uncomfortable intentionally and making sure that your boss voice, the voice that tells you what you should do versus your bitch voice, the voice that tells you why you shouldn't do it and why it's going to be okay, you got to make sure that voice wins all the time. And that's what Live Hard is all about. That's what 75 heart is all about. It's not a fitness program. It's a mental training program for you to learn how to adhere no matter what's going on in your life. And if you can develop that skill, there is no other skill that you actually need in order to succeed, because you're going to go and you're going to make the mistakes. And when you make the mistakes, you're going to learn the lessons, and you're going to put that skill into your little tool belt, and then you're going to apply that skill the next time. So that same lesson that you learn, it's something that you learn forever if you're at least somewhat intelligent. Okay? So if you could develop the ability to not quit and the ability to learn from your mistakes and you're willing to go, there's really nothing that can stop you from getting there if you go on a long enough timeline. And that's the secret, man. So, yeah, that. That's a really good quote. And yes, you're going to have way less anxiety when you don't prepare. Or. I'm sorry, you're going to have way more anxiety when you don't prepare. But there is a time where it's like, all right, I need to go do this. This is what I need to do. And we see this too, in all different areas. It's not just business. Like, we see this with workouts, right? Like, people buy a treadmill for their house. I'm going to do this. And then it becomes a clothes rack, right? Or they buy all the new fitness gear, they buy the new shoes, the new shorts, the new shirt, the new. The newest watch, all the. And they get it all. And they're like, when I get it all, I'll go. And then they still don't go. And this is. This is just comes from people believing that they don't have what it takes. But, dude, that is a complete lie. And you have been conditioned over the course of your life to believe that you are incapable of things because they want you to be small, weak in, dependent on their systems. And the. The last thing they want is a. Is a population of independent achievers that are willing to go out and build, create and become anything that they want to do because it makes them hard to control. So when you think about where that doubt comes from, you have to remember that it comes from a system that is designed to keep you weak, to keep you small, to keep you fat, to keep you uneducated, and to keep you in this place of just getting by for the purpose of control. And for me, personally, that pisses me off, okay? And I get so pissed that I say I'm not. This is not going to be how it goes for me. And regardless of what's going on in the world, regardless of the economy, regardless of the president, regardless of the socioeconomic climate, there is always going to be room for people that develop this skill and go. These are going to be the movers and the shakers, the people who lead, the people who build, the people who do things. And guess what? Those people are tired, too. Those people are. Are. Are unsure, too. Those people have doubts, too, but they have committed themselves to a process of perseverance. No matter what. No matter what. And that's the difference, man. That is the total difference.

[DJ (Co-host)]

You said something though, too. You're like, you know, it's Like a rational but irrational fear of. Of being unqualified. And it made me like, well, okay, you're in. Qualified. Yeah, you are, right. You've never done this before.

[Andy Frisella]

Cool.

[DJ (Co-host)]

But, like, who's supposed to come and qualify you then?

[Andy Frisella]

You.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Who qualifies you? Yeah, right, right. And it's an irrational fear. In a way, it is.

[Andy Frisella]

But you can also understand why people have it.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

You know, I mean, like, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with somebody because they have doubts, bro. Like, I'm telling you right now, the biggest entrepreneurs in the world, the ones that you see their name on TV every single day, these people still have big doubts about what they're doing. They're still questioning. They're still sitting around with their family and their confidants and saying, fuck, dude, what do you think? You think we can actually do this? And then in spite of that uncertainty, they're willing to go anyway. And that's the biggest difference, dude. So you can't blame people for feeling that way, but that's just another thing that we have to overcome, right? And overcoming that is really easy, dude. It's really easy because once you start, you're like, that was it. Like, that. That was all it was. Like, every time I faced a big challenge in my life in. In business, and then I went and did it, I was like, dude, I should have done that years ago. I should have done that years ago. You know, I. I think the first time I learned that lesson was, you know, we opened our first retail store in 1999, and it took us five years to open our second store. We could have opened that second store probably the second year or the third year. Even though business was. Was low, we probably could have done it, but we were afraid, and we thought that it wouldn't work, and we thought that people would steal from us, and we thought that it would be, you know, all these things, and. And the. The moral of the story is, is that all these things that you think about are probably gonna happen. So what? It's. It's normal, bro. And. And I. I always come back to that quote that I picked up from that movie the Edge with Anthony Hopkins. He says, what one man can do, another can do. And I just firmly believe that in my soul. You know, I think there's outliers. There's. There's definitely people that are born with maybe a propensity towards a certain skill set, but for the most part, most of the people that you look at and you admire, these are people that are just like you. These are people with no special gifts that are just made up their minds that it, I'm doing it no matter what and they do it. And you know what? There's a big cost to that, but there's also a big benefit.

[DJ (Co-host)]

I love it, dude. I love it, man. Guys, Andy, question number two. Andy, how do you stay true to your word? I often say yes too quickly without weighing other commitments. I want to be reliable and maintain integrity. But how do you balance being helpful and knowing when to say no?

[Andy Frisella]

Oh, man, that's a tough one. Yeah, I think it's a tough one. When you care about people, when you're, when you're a truly good hearted person and you have good intentions, it's really easy to get in that trap where you make promises that you can't fulfill because you want to say yes to everybody. And what ends up happening is, is everybody ends up upset with you because you can't keep your commitments when in reality all you meant to do was to do the right thing. I've fallen into that trap many times, dude. I still fall into that trap, to be honest. And it's something that I struggle with, you know, but here I am 27 years into business and I'm just finally learning how to just say no. I can't do that right now. You know what I'm saying? I can't. There's. I got too much going on. I can't do it. And, and what I've. What I've come to find out is that people respect that a lot more than they do when you just like kind of, you know, give them wishy washy answers or, you know, say obviously yes to things that you know you intend to do but can't get done. And just like anything else, dude, this is, this is something that you have to practice. Yeah. It's something that you have to do over and over and over again to feel comfortable doing it. And a lot of people have no problem saying no. Like, my brother has never suffered, has never had that problem. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like he's never. And I don't think it's, I don't, I, I don't think it's anything other than he realizes because he's got such a busy life that he can't afford, he really can't afford to do it because he doesn't have the time. You know, he's got the three kids and he's got businesses and, and all these things. And, and, and I've, I'VE learned a lot watching him kind of set that boundary for myself.

[DJ (Co-host)]

That's really what it comes down to.

[Andy Frisella]

It's a boundary line. Yeah, for sure. And you know, you, you have to just understand that in order to be the person that you need to be, that's going to benefit the people around you the best. It's going to require that you don't do the things that take away from that and that you concentrate very heavily on the things that do. And unfortunately, that's going to upset some people. Unfortunately, that's going to feel uncomfortable. But the reality is the long term benefit outweighs the, the momentary discomfort of saying no. So it's something that we have to practice. It's something that you have to get comfortable with. And once you do, it'll save you a lot of time, a lot of frustration. And what you'll find is that people actually respect you more and you're not disappointing people all the time because they have a clear answer. And things work out better when you learn to say. When you learn to say no effectively.

[DJ (Co-host)]

I feel like it also too helps when you do end up saying yes because it makes that even more you.

[Andy Frisella]

All right, cool. Yeah, for sure, for sure. It makes your time more valuable, bro. People respect your. When you have boundaries, dude, people respect the time that you do give them a lot more. And yeah, I mean, dude, look, this is just something I think most people struggle with. I think most people struggle with this way more than I do. I. I think, I think people have a really, really hard time because they perceive it as confrontation when in reality it's not confrontation. Dude.

[DJ (Co-host)]

No, it doesn't have to be.

[Andy Frisella]

It's just, it's just real.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

You know what I mean? And there's ways to say it without, you know, having to just be like, nope. You know what I mean?

[DJ (Co-host)]

Like, hell no.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, right. And sometimes that's appropriate.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah, but.

[Andy Frisella]

But yeah, man, you know, it's practice. It's understanding where the juice is worth the squeeze in terms of what you're trying to accomplish, what your obligations are to the people around you. And if you consistently say yes to everybody, you gotta understand that everybody else that you're responsible for is gonna suffer for that.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Or when you have to say no, then it's like, well, fuck you.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Cause they're so used to you saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, I wanna talk about this. I know we have a lot of young listeners who they're either, you know, just getting started and, you know, maybe entrepreneurship or. But, you know, they Might be coming into some money. Right. And I know this is a struggle.

[Andy Frisella]

We've.

[DJ (Co-host)]

We've talked about this before, but saying no in financial situations, Dude.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Is that tougher than a time commitment?

[Andy Frisella]

No, it depends on what it is. I have a couple rules that you know, because, like, dude, what happens is when you start making money, everybody asks you for some.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah, well, you got the money tree in the backyard, right?

[Andy Frisella]

Of course. Yeah. You just go back and pick it, you know? Right. It's. It doesn't mean nothing to you.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah, right.

[Andy Frisella]

You know, because you got a lot of it. You know, they don't take into consideration the decades that you've paid to. To be where you are. Right. If now you got it and I don't have it, so give me some of it. Yeah, right. And that's what happens. And people come out of the woodwork and, you know, some people, you know, you say no to and they never forgive you, man. I mean, I've lost family members over 500 bucks. You know what I mean? Not immediate family, but you know what I'm saying? But, I mean, dude, I have a rule, and the rule is very simple. If there's a need, and if I'm going to accommodate that need financially, it's always a gift. It's never alone. And the reason that I do that is because the loans never get paid back. And I don't want it to ruin the relationship. So that's one of the things that I do. And then, you know, obviously, you know, it's got to be a real need. It can't be just. And we also have to understand this. When you do have financial resources and you're constantly. And you have people that you care about and you start to bail them out, then you're handicapping them on their ability to actually overcome challenges in their own life. And we see this a lot, dude, Right?

[DJ (Co-host)]

Saving them, like.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, dude. Like, you see this with people who get on drugs, right? Like, people who have a family member that gets on drugs, and they try to do all these things for them, and then that person becomes dependent on all those things, and then. Then they're ruined. So, unfortunately, you know, you do have to say no in most of those situations. And when you do say yes.

[DJ (Co-host)]

I.

[Andy Frisella]

I do it the way I said, because I don't want to have. I don't want to. First of all, I can't keep track of loans and shit, but I don't want to ruin. Ruin the relationship.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah, bro. There's a saying. It's like, bro, you ever got, like, somebody that you just, like, they annoy, you don't want to see them, just loan them 20 bucks?

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, that's right.

[DJ (Co-host)]

That's right.

[Andy Frisella]

That's right.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Never see him again.

[Andy Frisella]

That's a fact, dude.

[DJ (Co-host)]

That's real, man. I love it, man. I love it.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, it's a difficult thing for.

[DJ (Co-host)]

It's a hard. It's a hard thing.

[Andy Frisella]

And like, dude, when you start making a lot of money, it's. It's really no different because you'll take care of people in big ways and the same thing kind of happens. You know what I mean? So you got to understand. I guess what I'm saying is, is you have to understand what you're doing without the expectation of. Of. Of that are unrealistic. Right. I think it's good karma to help people when they really need it. That's my personal opinion.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

When people start to know that you believe that, people will start manufacturing situations to squeeze you for it. And you've got to be smart enough to identify that. And when those people start doing that, you know, you got to cut them off because now they've. They flip that switch in your mind to say, okay, this is. This is my friend Andy, who's doing me a huge solid to. This is. This is a solution to my problems.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Right.

[Andy Frisella]

And. And nobody wants to be seen as a solution to problems by people who pretend to be their friends.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah. It's like, it. Maybe it makes me think too. It's like, are you really helping them if you're solving their problem? You're not like, they're not solving nothing.

[Andy Frisella]

That's right. You're not helping them.

[DJ (Co-host)]

You're not really helping them.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah. That's so real, bro. That's real.

[Andy Frisella]

You're. You're not helping them. You're band aiding the situation and further handicapping down the road. Yeah, that's the truth. Yeah.

[DJ (Co-host)]

You know, bro, that's some real, man. Yeah, that's real. Let's go.

[Andy Frisella]

Third and final question, man.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Moving and grooving, dude. Third and final question, guys. Andy, question number three. Hey, Andy.

[Andy Frisella]

Hey.

[DJ (Co-host)]

I love your content. Been listening for seven years. Do you think attitude or knowledge of the job is more important? I'm in a division of construction service, and I have an employee who is really good at his job, but his attitude is crap. I'm nervous about him growing with the company because he would be leading a crew potentially someday. I'm afraid that his attitude would completely ruin the country, the culture of the company. Any thoughts on that?

[Andy Frisella]

It will. 100%. It will. Especially if he's good.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Oh, man.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah. Because here's what happens. The guy that's real good, the other guys on a team look up to that guy. That guy's got leadership capital because he's good and he has more leadership capital than the guys that are bad. This is just the natural. The natural progression of things. Right. Like if you're going to locker room and you got a guy that rushes for 300 fucking yards a game and is kicking ass, he's probably going to be somebody that everybody else looks at to hear what he has to say.

[DJ (Co-host)]

With or without that Captain Crutch.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah, Correct. And when that person doesn't have the right attitude, it's completely destructive to your culture. So, yes, your instincts are correct when it comes to hiring. You want to always hire for attitude and culture and then teach skill, not the other way around. You're never going to hire for skill and then get someone to accept a new culture because usually when they are high skill, they are also high ego. And when you have a high ego, it's hard to get someone to humble themselves enough to realize there might be a better way or a way that helps other people. Right? Yeah.

[DJ (Co-host)]

You can't teach that.

[Andy Frisella]

No, let me go back. Not usually is high skill, high ego. But a lot of times, okay, a lot of times people are high skilled because they are humble. You got to be able to tell the difference. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

But yeah, dude, having somebody on your team who's high skilled, bad culture. If you already know that, like, if you already see this, I would already be making a plan to get rid of this person and replace them with someone with a good attitude, no matter how good he is. Because eventually, no matter what happens, if he's got a bad attitude and he's got an abrasive relationship with the leadership, he's going to spread that amongst the team. And you can't have that in an organization. You know, that's why you see major league teams or NFL teams, you know, sometimes they'll be trading a guy who you're like, why the fuck did you trade that guy? Like, that's our best guy. Well, usually there's some going on in the locker room that you don't know about that they don't want to make public. And so bad culture fits have to go. And even if you replace them with someone who's maybe a little bit less skilled but great with culture and attitude, that makes up the difference. And you can get somebody to learn better skills. So, you know, it's. It's. It's an easy. It's easy to talk about. It's hard to do when your best salesperson or your best builder or your best performer and you think, fuck, I'm going to have to get rid of this guy. This guy's the whole reason that we're doing this. But that's not true, okay? You gave that person the opportunity. You're running shit. It's your fucking game, not their game. And you have to remember that. And there's no one person that's going to make or break your company. You know how many times I've been told in my life when someone's, you know, gotten fired or I've had a. Oh, it's all downhill from here. You fucked up.

[DJ (Co-host)]

We're going to crumble.

[Andy Frisella]

You're going to crumble without me. You know how many times we crumbled? Fucking zero, okay? So let's be real about this. Your job is to build an amazing company that benefits you and the people that you're building with and their families and your family. And you can't do that with someone standing in the way because they got a bad attitude, because they're telling people, oh, you know, we got to squeeze an extra half an hour out of lunch. Or we could do this, and the boss won't say anything. That's the right person will have high skill and say, all right, boys, let's get back to work. Let's make sure this happens. And if. If that's not happening, you got the wrong people. You know what I mean?

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Can't build with the wrong people. You just can't do it.

[DJ (Co-host)]

You brought up humility in this sense. Talking about skill versus attitude. I want to dive into that a little bit because I think it's important. It's like the psychology of. You have a guy that thinks he's great and is great, he's kind of tapped out on.

[Andy Frisella]

Correct.

[DJ (Co-host)]

So, like, let's. Let's talk about a little bit.

[Andy Frisella]

Well, yeah, I mean, that's the. That's the paradox of humility. Right? Everybody talks about how success, like, okay, for example, let's just use an extreme example. Let's use Conor McGregor. Okay? Conor McGregor is, to most people, probably the least humble person that you could think of.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay.

[DJ (Co-host)]

I like that you look up cocky in the dictionary.

[Andy Frisella]

I like. I love that. I like people like that. Okay? But what you have to understand is that he is not cocky when he's learning his craft when he's in the gym and he's learning how to play better, learning how to fight better, learning how to jiu jitsu better, learning how to strike better. He's not cocky, okay? But when he goes out to perform and do his job, he's telling himself, I'm the baddest on the planet. Okay? So there's a dichotomy here. And it is humble in preparation and confident or cocky in execution, okay? And that's where we have to find that. That line where we ride.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

So if you. When it's in. The paradox is, is that when we look at successful people, a lot of people will say, oh, that guy's just a cocky fuck. But in reality, humility is required to even get to the level that they're at. So you're misjudging what that actually is, okay? Yeah, that's not cockiness, bro. That's the result of years and years and years of humble preparation. You see what I'm saying?

[DJ (Co-host)]

Absolutely.

[Andy Frisella]

So, you know, there's this idea. I mean, dude, it's funny because, like, the average, you know, person's idea and viewpoint of a successful person is almost like backwards in the way that they think about it. You know, they think, oh, well, that person is where they are because they were born into this family or they got this or they got that, bro. I don't know very many successful people that came from soft circumstances. Almost every single person that I know that self made came from that they had to claw their way out of, which is what equipped them with the grit, with the fortitude, with the perseverance and the skill set to actually go and be successful in their life. And, you know, people don't think of that. They think, oh, dude, that guy was born on third base and he thinks he hit a triple. And they tell themselves all these stories, but that's just not the truth. The truth of the matter is, is that becoming a successful human being is so hard that if you dump that on someone who was born with privilege, bro, they're gonna crumble. Okay? So when we think about this, that's. That's the wrong perception that people have. Another one is about this, this humility thing everybody wants to talk about. Humble, humble, humble, humble. He's not humble, bro. Humble is what losers say to take people, people out that have done more than them. That's the truth, okay? They say this without realizing that the person who they're calling not humble humbly put in 10, 20, 25 years of work Learning their craft, to become great at it. So they have a right to feel good about who they are and the skills they have. And in fact, when they go out to perform, whether it be business or in sports or on a stage for music or whatever, you have to believe that you're gonna win or you're gonna get your ass beat. So that's another misconception. And there's all kinds of misconceptions that the average person has of the successful person that are just completely false.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

And honestly, they're just justifications for why that, you know, the person saying them is where they are and that successful person is where they are.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

So, you know, humility is a requirement for success. And to say to someone, you know, like, when they start to win, oh, you know, don't forget to be humble. Well, I wouldn't be winning if I wasn't humble. Like, I gotta learn. Right. Like, we're all born with a blank slate.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Can't learn if you're not.

[Andy Frisella]

That's right. I'm. I don't know what I don't know. So how did I learn this? Well, I had to be humble enough to accept that I didn't know, and I had to learn. And the more I learn and the more I practice, the better I get. And eventually you get to a point where you, you know, you're pretty skilled. But the downfall comes when people think they have no more to learn. Like, they get to Connor's level and they say, all right, well, I'm the greatest of all time, and what I do and I can't get any better. That's when they start to go down. Tapped out. Right. And the true champions, the people who win from, you know, the time they start winning through their whole life, they might appear to have an extraordinary level of confidence, but behind closed doors, they're always examining their own skill set. They're always auditing where they really are. They're telling themselves the truth. And if we're being honest, most of the people underrate themselves in terms of how good they are versus overrating themselves. Because behind closed doors, you almost have to do that. You're like, all right, well, I. I'm not as good as I think I am, so I got to get better. Right. So while the world might see these people as great, they don't see themselves as great. They see themselves as still that beginning person who doesn't know who's trying to figure it out and go, dude, that's how I look at myself behind closed doors, you Know, people see me yelling into a mic or on stage or doing this or that or riding around and doing cool things in my life and they think, oh look, that guy thinks he's the. Actually, it's the opposite, actually. I'm still trying to get better and I'm enjoying some of the process along the way.

[DJ (Co-host)]

100.

[Andy Frisella]

You see what I'm saying?

[DJ (Co-host)]

100. So let's talk on this last question. Let's talk about attitude adjustment though, right? Because I'm thinking about this and I got so many thoughts and on this. But it's like you're saying prepare to, prepare to get this guy out. Right? Is there, is there a chance, is there any last ditch effort that this guy can do to try to save quite a unquote. Save this guy, Right? Sure.

[Andy Frisella]

It might not even be a last ditch effort. Like how much time has this person put into cultivating this guy's culture?

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

Like, have you tried to cultivate an intentional culture? Have you worked with your team? Have you.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah. You're saying you got a bad attitude. Have you even tried to have.

[Andy Frisella]

That's, that's it. Yeah. Like just be. And dude, maybe, maybe he's unaware that he has a bad attitude. Maybe he's unaware of his own leadership capital. You know, sometimes, because no one ever comes along in your life, at least in very few circumstances, you're the leader. You're the leader. You're the leader. Right? And, and, and even if you're someone that a lot of people look up to, sometimes you still, you still, you're like, why the are these people looking up to me? Because you're you and you've lived you your whole life, so you don't really see that there's anything special there. Yeah, right.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Just doing your.

[Andy Frisella]

And because of that, you don't value your own leadership ability, so you're loose with your leadership. And what I mean by that is you might say things or do things or things that aren't representative of good leadership because you're thinking like, oh, we're just. I'm just one of the guys. Like, you know, it doesn't matter what I say. And they're not aware that they're operating. Is, is really setting the tone for everybody else. And sometimes it's just as simple as pulling someone aside and saying, hey, look, dude, I'm gonna tell you something and you need to listen to me. All these dudes that you're around listen to you. They look at you. They, they think you're the leader. And when you do this and that and this. That. That up everything we're doing and it. Them, too. Okay. And the second part of that is where you can really get people to start paying attention, because when it comes to yourself, people are willing to look at things differently. But when they know that their bad behavior or their bad attitude or their bad performance is affecting the person to the left or to the right of them, that changes the game. And so sometimes it's just about making these people aware. Like, hey, Joe, I don't know if you know this, dude, but, like, yes, you're the best skill guy here, but you're also a leader. And when you do this and this and this, that prevents us from being able to do this, which ultimately hurts you, because I can't grow the company to pay you more.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Right.

[Andy Frisella]

Okay. And on top of that, your buddies Mike, Tom, and Josh over here, they're not going to make as much money. And you know for a fucking fact they're struggling. So when you do this, this is hurting them. And just pointing that out to people usually straightens it out.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah. Yeah, bro, that's. So maybe things you like. Like, have you ever had these conversations with your employees that maybe started just smelling themselves a little too much? Right? And he's like, sometimes you got to have a.

[Andy Frisella]

You know.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah, you might be great, Joe, but, like, you didn't build the arc to try on. Well, well, yeah, I'm saying, like, you have to knock them down just a little bit sometimes.

[Andy Frisella]

It depends. But if. If that's the case. If it's the case where you go and have that conversation and then there's, like, pushback on it, like. Yeah, but I'm the best. That's a bad sign. Yeah, that's a bad sign.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Okay.

[Andy Frisella]

Like, being the best with your skill is not being the best teammate, self. Yeah. It's just not.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Andy Frisella]

You know, being the best incorporates great performance and great leadership together. That makes everybody else around you better. And that's typically what companies will pay a lot for. You know what the most valuable skill that companies will pay for is? The ability to replicate good performance in other people. So if you're a good performer and you could figure out how to make the three guys next to you just as good, you're fucking invaluable. You cannot be fucking fired. You cannot be fired. You cannot be. You have to be paid more. You understand?

[DJ (Co-host)]

Absolutely.

[Andy Frisella]

Because you become a linchpin in their company, dude. A part of the company that cannot be operated without you. That's a huge skill. So if you take it a step further, and let's say Joe's listening right now and he says, you're right. You know, I'm kind of a. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm be. You know what? You're right. I do have to help these dudes develop. And then he starts doing it. Now, he took his, his value as a team member or employee through the roof. Okay? So that's the game. The game as an employee is to be great at what you do. Undeniably great. Okay? Not a little bit better than everybody else dominating everybody else. And I know they're your friends and I know you know this and that, but dude, at the end of the day, the. That puts the ball in the net the most, makes the most money, okay? If he can make the team around him better. And that's what the. That's the game. The most valuable skill you can have is high performance with the ability to replicate it in other people. If you can do that, bro, there's nothing that can fucking stop you, dude.

[DJ (Co-host)]

I love it, dude. Guys, if that can't make you better this week, I don't know what can. Yeah, that was. That was great.

[Andy Frisella]

First form energy can.

[DJ (Co-host)]

That was.

[Andy Frisella]

Yeah. Get yourself a little can of freedom right here. You know what I'm saying? I love it.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Dude.

[Andy Frisella]

I'm on the Slim today.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah, that's what it is.

[Andy Frisella]

I want a slim can.

[DJ (Co-host)]

I'm with it, dude.

[Andy Frisella]

I want an energy diet.

[DJ (Co-host)]

Yeah. Well, guys. Andy, dude, that was three.

[Andy Frisella]

Yep. All right, guys, we will see you tonight. What time?

[DJ (Co-host)]

7Pm Central standard.

[Andy Frisella]

7Pm Central standard time. We are going to do a two hour live 7 and 9 roughly. Okay, tune in, come see us on YouTube and we will see you there. All right. Don't be a hoe. Share the show.

[Unknown Rapper]

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