REAL AF with Andy Frisella

Episode 968: Q&AF: Misunderstood By Family, Convincing The Unmotivated & Scaling Smart
Date: November 24, 2025
Host: Andy Frisella

Episode Overview

In this Q&AF episode, Andy Frisella and co-host take live questions from listeners, addressing issues around pursuing ambitious goals as a young "loner," how to handle unmotivated people you wish would do better, and how to smartly scale a rapidly growing business. The conversation is candid, motivational, and heavy on Andy’s signature tough love. Listeners get a strong dose of reality about success, personal standards, and authentic leadership.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Being Ambitious & Misunderstood by Family (With Patricia)

[05:18 - 20:12]

• Caller Patricia (19, Alberta, aspiring game developer)

  • Lives with a strict, ambitious routine—no clubbing, drinking, smoking, limited socializing.
  • Feels alienated from peers; parents worry she’s “a loner.”
  • Asks if it’s okay to prioritize goals over being social, despite family concern.

• Andy’s Response & Insights:

  • Being Ambitious is Lonely: “When you're young and you're ambitious, it is extremely lonely, all right? Because most young people believe that they have all the time in the world." [07:38]
  • Rejecting the Norm: People will always look at you weird if you don't follow the typical path, regardless of age.
  • Absorbing Mindsets: “If you surround yourself with people…not aligned with what you’re trying to do just because you want to be around people, you’ll end up absorbing their mindset...which will water yours down.” [09:54]
  • No Man’s Land: Andy introduces the concept of repeatedly outgrowing peer groups as you “level up,” each time experiencing loneliness until you find new like-minded people.
  • Embrace Being Misunderstood: “Being misunderstood is one of the greatest indicators to genius.” [18:32]
  • Parental Conversation: Recommends honest communication with parents, explaining her goals and well-being.

• Notable Quote:
  “You don't want to be understood by people who are destined to be just normal people...When you have ambitious goals...it's actually required.” — Andy Frisella [08:14]

• Bottom Line:
  Patricia is on the right track; being selective and ambitious early will pay off. Most people waste their 20s and later regret it. Andy stresses the importance of delayed gratification and self-validation.

2. Convincing the Unmotivated

[23:31 - 34:34]

• Submitted Listener Question:
  How do you help someone you care about (possibly a kid or employee) who is stagnant and not reaching their potential?

• Andy’s Response & Insights:

  • They Have to Want It: “One of the quickest ways to be miserable is to try to convince people that have no ambition...to be better. That’s very draining.” [23:54]
  • Words vs. Actions: “There is just a lot of people who talk a lot about wanting things that actually don’t want them. And you can tell who they are because their actions don’t back up their words.” [25:45]
  • Personal Experience: Shares how his own drive “flipped” when he had to be on his own and realized no one was coming to save him.
  • Grit Trumps Talent: Being successful is less about raw talent, more about being able to learn and persevere.
    “It's not the people that with the most talent. It's the people with the ability to learn and apply those lessons...and the grit and the resilience and the perseverance and the fortitude to continue down the path.” [32:40]
  • Sports as a Teacher: Recommends involving children or youths in sports for accountability, discipline, and team skills.

• Notable Quote:
  “You will drain yourself…trying to get people to do things that they're just never going to do.” — Andy Frisella [25:50]

3. Scaling a Rapidly Growing Business (With Ross)

[34:50 - 62:13]

• Caller Ross (24, Alaska, restoration company co-owner)

  • Company exploded in six months—now 13 employees.
  • Struggling to keep up: systems, staffing, and quality control lagging behind rapid growth.

• Andy’s Response & Insights:

  • Customer Experience First: “Make absolutely sure that every single customer…is leaving excited, happy, overwhelmed, and is telling a proper story about you.” [37:45]
  • Double Effort Now: In the early stages, you may have to put in “two hours of sleep a day” to maintain standards and prevent negative word of mouth.
  • Systems for the Future: Build systems for 10 times your current capacity, not just for now.
  • Lessons from First Form: Shares how he had to scale his own fulfillment systems with major investment to keep pace with demand.
  • Culture & Accountability: Instill intentional cultural values early—define your mission, set standards, and hold everyone accountable.
  • Don’t Rely on Talent Alone:
    “Being successful has little to do with intelligence or talent…Developing enough grit to persevere through the process…with those two things, there’s really nothing that will stop you long-term.” [32:58]
  • It’s Not Too Late: “It's not too late for any company…It gets harder as you go…but doing it when you're smaller and newer is much easier than doing it when you're big.” [47:28]
  • Care About Your People: True leadership and retention come from genuinely caring for your team's success.

• Notable Quote:
  “If you do good, you get good. If you do the right thing, good things happen to you. There’s no mistake that the companies and projects and the services that serve the most…those are the companies that win the biggest.” — Andy Frisella [59:00]

Other Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On Gen Z's Changing Attitude:
  “They realize they've been lied to...They're smart enough to understand...we are put into the world out of the school system not to be effective, but to be dependent...Gen Z has woken up to this and it's really, really fucking exciting for me because that's my wheelhouse...to help people win.” — Andy [20:28-22:33]

• On Self-Awareness:

  • “I don’t sit here…and think about how much I’m winning. All I think about is how to get better…awareness is such a big part of this.” [60:44]

• On Leadership Growth:

  • “You just got to become a student of leadership...You learn everything that you need to learn on the job by making mistakes...But ultimately most of your leadership skill set is going to come from the experience of just doing it.” [52:38]

Timestamps for Core Segments

• [05:18 – 20:12]: Patricia calls in — Being ambitious and socially “different” in your youth; navigating family concern.
• [23:31 – 34:34]: Helping the unmotivated; distinguishing desire from real action.
• [34:50 – 62:13]: Ross from Alaska on scaling a booming business, building culture, leading young teams.
• [20:15 – 23:30]: Andy and co-host dissect generational change in ambition and values.

Summary Takeaways

• Ambition often means choosing a lonely path—early success requires sacrifice, self-validation, and resisting mediocrity.
• You cannot motivate someone who doesn’t want to help themselves; words must match actions for real growth.
• When scaling a business faster than your systems, obsess over customer experience until you can fix the systems.
• Build intentional culture and standards early; leadership is a learn-by-doing process that starts with caring deeply for your people and mission.
• True self-awareness and an obsession with improvement are hallmarks of lasting success.

Don’t Be a Hoe—Share the Show!

(Andy’s recurring reminder to listeners to share the show if they find value. [02:30])