JONI TABLE TALK - OCTOBER 5TH, 2025

Summary

Real America’s Voice – Joni Table Talk

Episode Date: October 5, 2025
Podcast Network: iHeartPodcasts

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Overview

This two-part episode of Joni Table Talk dives deep into the themes of communication and forgiveness as pillars of healthy relationships. The first segment explores Life Languages, a biblically rooted framework for understanding communication styles, with stories and insights from coaches and real-life couples. The second half features a candid and practical discussion about the process, challenges, and transformative power of forgiveness, led by guest Dr. Doug Weiss.

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Part 1: Life Languages – Understanding Our Communication Styles

Main Theme

The hosts and guests explore how Life Languages, a communication assessment based on biblical principles, can transform relationships—marriage, family, and workplace—by helping people recognize and adapt to different communication styles.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introduction to Life Languages

• The discussion opens with the question of why connection often fails—not due to lack of conversation, but because we use different "languages."
• The Life Languages assessment is introduced as a superior alternative to standard personality tests, noted for its biblical roots (Romans 12: the seven motivational gifts).

Personal Testimonies

• Rachel Lamb Brown:
  “This assessment literally changed my life...I could communicate with my team, get more efficiency, get more done, less tensions. And then also, like in my marriage and my family.” [01:25]
• Cindy & David Murdoch:
  Share how discovering their Life Languages saved their marriage and improved communication in their family and coaching work.
  • David: “I now know why I behaved the way I behaved...why I didn’t understand her anymore, you know? And it changed my life.” [09:33]
• Anna Kendall:
  Emphasizes the spiritual foundation: "God first revealed to us the three categories which we call the three intelligences. And everyone has the category: The intelligence of the thinking, the cognitive, the emotive, the heart and the kinetic, or the action." [04:35]

The Three Intelligences

• Thinking (Cognitive)
• Feeling (Emotive)
• Action (Kinetic)
  Everyone has all three, but the order and strength vary, shaping individual communication.

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The Seven Life Languages

Each language is tied to biblical characters and roles, described as both assets and liabilities depending on health and context.

Emotive Languages

1. Responder
   • Sensitive, attuned to others' needs, creative (e.g. King David).
   • Unhealthy: self-absorbed or emotionally volatile.
2. Influencer
   • Connectors, enthusiastic, great communicators and persuaders (e.g. Peter).
   • Unhealthy: can become manipulative or insincere.

Cognitive Languages

3. Contemplator
   • Deep thinkers, love research, need alone time (e.g. Paul, Isaiah).
   • "Am I interested in this?" is their primary filter.
   • Can be withdrawn or indecisive if unhealthy.
4. Producer
   • Organizers, resource managers, practical (e.g. Joseph, Abigail).
   • Potential for micromanagement or control issues.
5. Shaper
   • Strategic planners, visionaries, good at delegation (e.g. Nehemiah).
   • Require agreement on the plan; can feel distressed if plans change unexpectedly.

Kinetic (Action) Languages

6. Mover
   • Decisive, action-oriented, often prophetic and entrepreneurial (e.g. John the Baptist, Elijah).
   • Can be misunderstood as blunt or impatient.
7. Doer
   • Task-completers, detail-oriented, "get it done" types (e.g. Moses, Martha).
   • May resist delegation; risk getting bogged down in details.

Notable Quote:
"They make a list. They like to check it off, and they get it done." – Joni, discussing Doers [22:05]

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Application & Practical Tips

• Everyone has all seven languages, but in different proportions.
• Understanding one’s own "top two" languages and those of loved ones is crucial.
• In marriage and families: reduces conflict and misunderstandings; parents can better relate to their children’s unique styles.
• At work: Teams can be better structured, issues prevented, and individuals placed according to strengths.
• Test Advice:
  "You have to take off your mom hat, your worker hat...and answer the questions quickly too." – Rachel Lamb Brown [23:41]

Biblical and Animal Mascots

• Each language corresponds to a biblical gift and an animal mascot to aid memory (full details in assessment materials).

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Timestamps for Key Content

• Introduction to Life Languages [00:00–04:24]
• Anna Kendall describes three intelligences [04:24–05:30]
• The Murdoch marriage story [05:47–09:10]
• Discussion of the seven languages [12:13–23:52]
• Biblical parallels to the Life Languages [24:05–25:16]

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• "There’s no bad combination." – Anna Kendall [13:12]
• "If you don’t have Jesus, you’re not going to be healthy." – Joni [13:14]
• "All the languages are good... but you can be healthy and unhealthy." – Joni [13:14]
• "It's not just for your spouse; it's for your kids." – April Simons [21:45]
• "Remember, everything rises and falls on communication." – Joni [26:43]

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Learn More / Assessment Offer:
Take the Life Languages profile at lifelanguages.com using promo code Joanie10 for a discount. [25:17]

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Part 2: Forgiveness – The Superpower for Healing

Main Theme

Dr. Doug Weiss joins the Table Talk team to discuss the necessity and process of forgiveness: why it matters, the obstacles we face, and practical, actionable steps for achieving it—founded in biblical truth and clinical experience.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why Forgiveness Matters

• Unforgiveness as a Weight:
  "If resentment feels like a weight that you just can't shake, I want you to know there's still hope." – Joni [29:03]
• Forgiveness is freedom for you, not just for the other person.
  "When I can pray blessings over their life just like I would for myself...then you know…I have to release the weight." – Kendra Kelly Dean [31:22]

The Christian Call to Forgive

• Jesus' call to forgive "70 times 7" (Matthew 18:22) is reiterated as a high but vital bar.
• "If the Lord gave Christians the power to forgive, why are so many people still struggling with it?" – Rachel Lamb Brown [33:11]

Doug Weiss' Personal Story

• Shares his journey from childhood trauma, abandonment, and abuse to leading others to forgiveness.
• Explains his therapeutic process for helping clients not only forgive others but also themselves.
• Hardest to Forgive? "Me. It's always me." – Dr. Doug Weiss [36:58]
• "Therapy in a box": refers to his book as a tool worth thousands in counseling.

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The Forgiveness Process

Dr. Weiss' Steps:

1. Write a 'be angry' letter:
   Get every thought and feeling out in writing, then destroy the letter.
   "You have to lacerate that wound so you can be healed." – Joni [40:46]
2. Physical expression:
   Use a foam bat (or similar) to release pent-up anger safely.
3. Chair exercise:
   Role-play forgiving the offender, and receive forgiveness.
4. Forgive yourself:
   Use the same exercise for self-directed guilt and shame—not just a cognitive act but a deep, experiential step.
5. Boundaries:
   Forgiveness does not mean returning to unsafe relationships; healthy boundaries are essential.

"If you're in unforgiveness, you find it very hard to think or say anything good about the person." – Dr. Doug Weiss [49:28]

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Myths about Forgiveness

• You don't need the perpetrator's apology.
• You don't need to confront or wait for change.
• Forgiveness is a personal, spiritual choice for your own healing.

"Don’t expect a healthy response from an unhealthy person." – Dr. Doug Weiss [53:26]

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Symptoms of Unforgiveness

• Inability to say anything good about the person.
• Carrying anger and resentment into other areas (children, work, health).
• Stagnating due to guilt or self-condemnation.
• Physical manifestations: stress, anxiety, even physical illness.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On the process:
  "It was a lot of work. And in forgiveness for everyone, I outlined how anyone can do the [work]. And if you want to look like Jesus, you got to walk like, 'I forgive you.'" – Dr. Doug Weiss [35:50]
• On boundaries:
  "I'm not saying go back in there and get my face punched in again. No, I'm not saying that at all." – Dr. Doug Weiss [52:27]
• On generational effects:
  "We don't realize when we carry around unforgiveness, we're passing that down on our children." – April Simons [35:04]
• On breaking the cycle:
  "If we don't forgive...there will be that kind of unforgiveness that keeps coming into our lives unless we break that chain." – Anna Kendall [42:10]

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Timestamps for Key Forgiveness Segments

• Introduction to forgiveness and personal stories [29:21–34:29]
• Doug Weiss' life and path to forgiveness [35:18–36:58]
• Forgiving oneself [36:58–39:05]
• The practical process (letter, bat, chair) [39:05–42:10]
• Myths and boundaries [45:32–53:55]
• Closing advice and encouragement [54:03–55:27]

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Practical Resources

• Life Languages Assessment: lifelanguages.com (Code: Joanie10)
• Book: Forgiveness for Everyone by Dr. Doug Weiss (drdougweiss.com)
• Further spiritual support: Prayer line available for personal prayer.

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Final Takeaways

• Communication and forgiveness are twin foundations for every healthy relationship.
• Life Languages offers a biblically grounded roadmap for understanding and honoring our differences.
• Forgiveness, rooted in Christ’s command, is a vital, freeing, and sometimes difficult process—but it is possible for everyone, with the right tools and support.
• Both segments stress that spiritual health reflects in all facets of life—marriage, family, work, and personal well-being.

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“Remember, everything rises and falls on communication. God cares deeply about how we connect, because strong relationships build His kingdom.” – Joni [26:43]

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Transcript

[Joni]

This is an I Heart podcast. So do you ever wonder why you can't connect with people? And what if the key isn't more conversations, but actually understanding the language they're speaking? Our guests today are here to give us a powerful tool that's helping people all over the world learn to communicate with clarity and purpose. But before we get to that, joining me around the table is April Simons. Who want to know how to communicate?

[April Simons]

We do. And we got our friends to tell us how.

[Cindy Murdoch]

I love it.

[Joni]

I love it. I love it. And we're going to talk about an assessment that you can take. And you've done it.

[April Simons]

I've done it. Y' all made me do it. And I did it, and I loved it.

[Cindy Murdoch]

It taught me a lot.

[Joni]

It really helped me it really well. We're helping people understand that. Dorothy Newton, how are you doing?

[Dorothy Newton]

So good.

[Joni]

Yeah. You doing good? I am.

[Dorothy Newton]

I am, and I'm excited about this. I had some previous experience in the corporate world with it, and that's worked really well with our guests today, so I'm excited to just, you know, hear more.

[Joni]

Rachel Lamb Brown, I know you're excited about this show today.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Oh, my goodness. I'm so excited, because this assessment literally changed my life, every area, especially in the workplace environment, I just saw such dramatic results and how I could communicate with my team, how I could get more efficiency, get more done, less tensions. And then also, like in my marriage and my family.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

There's so much more understanding.

[Joni]

Right.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

And I cannot wait for everybody to learn about it.

[Joni]

You want to talk about this? I can tell.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

I do.

[Joni]

Because you're waxing long over there.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

There's very few things that I endorse. It is a very hard thing for me to say something like give it that high of a coin review. So that shows you how instrumental it's been in my own life.

[Joni]

I agree. I mean, it is fantastic. And a Kindle.

[Anna Kendall]

Yes.

[Joni]

It's important that we know how to communicate. That's what this is about.

[Anna Kendall]

That's what it's about. We want to communicate God's love. We want to communicate that to everybody. And we understand our communication style. And then when we can understand others, we can speak in a way that changes their life, makes them feel important, makes them feel understood and celebrated.

[Joni]

Yeah. And David and Cindy Murdoch are at the table, who are coaches, and we'll explain kind of what that is. And we're going to be talking about life languages, but this is really important. Cindy. I know it's something we've Seen a tool used to help people. There's so many like different tests and stuff out there. There is nothing better than this one.

[Cindy Murdoch]

This is like 99.9% on. And David and I have such a passion for it. And maybe we'll get to share our story later, but we have such a passion because it was life saving for our marriage, our families, our grandchildren and what we've seen it do in the corporate world, as Dorothy said, and in the workplace, it's just, it shows people the opportunity and to embrace who God created them and how to celebrate who they are. So it's just an amazing assessment.

[Joni]

So, David, everyone has a lot of words about this. For sure. That's a good thing, right?

[David Murdoch]

That they're excited.

[Joni]

That's a good thing. It changed your life.

[David Murdoch]

It changed my life. And it brings to an understanding not only your communication, but your behavior, why you behave a certain way, why you respond to others a certain way.

[Joni]

Okay, we're going to get in that and talk about the seven languages, which we have all seven, but we'll settle into a couple at the top. We're going to talk about that. But Live Languages is a groundbreaking communication tool that's bringing healing and connection to thousands of people. And of course, Anna Kendall, Dave and Cindy Murdoch are here to share the heart behind this powerful resource and how it's different from any other personality assessment out there. I've seen them all taken them. I've never seen anything like this. Part of the reason why is because this was created from the word of God. And so it came from Romans, right, Anna?

[Anna Kendall]

Yes, it did.

[Joni]

From the seven motivational gifts.

[Anna Kendall]

That's exactly right. And so you and Fred. What Fred and I did was we didn't understand what we were doing. It was probably good that God didn't reveal everything all at once.

[Joni]

And you didn't understand each other either.

[Anna Kendall]

No, we didn't understand each other. We had the same languages then, but we were more toxic. We were not in the positive parts of our languages, so. But anyway, God first revealed to us the three categories which we call the three intelligences. And everyone has the category. The intelligence of the thinking. The cognitive, the emotive, the heart and the kinetic are the action.

[Joni]

So you either think, feel or move.

[Anna Kendall]

First you do all three of them. Do all of them, but it's just what order you do them in. And then we started seeing differences under those categories. Like for instance, in the emotive languages, they're the people who respond to everybody and they become the networkers, the preachers the politicians, you know, they're people people, and they're the others that respond more empathetically to individuals. And they're the ones that care and show nurses.

[Cindy Murdoch]

Yes.

[Anna Kendall]

And just people.

[Joni]

Care.

[Anna Kendall]

Compassion. Yes.

[Joni]

Or.

[Anna Kendall]

But they both are emotive.

[Joni]

Yeah. Well, I mean. And so let's just kind of break it down and we'll go through these. You talked about the emotive, so I'll talk to all three of you about it. David and Cindy, quickly, just kind of tell your story, a quick version of it.

[Anna Kendall]

I love their story.

[Joni]

And so it'll kind of help people understand when we start to talk about the languages, why it was important for y' all to understand and communicate with one another. Because you spoke totally different languages. Right.

[David Murdoch]

What happened is we took the profile assessment, thought it was great. Cindy painted a picture of me like I was all that a bag of chips. We dipped. But what happened was we decided because we were dating. So everything went. I was in love with her. I did everything she did, Ate what she ate.

[Cindy Murdoch]

Cheese on your hamburgers.

[Joni]

Cheese on your hamburger, even though you.

[David Murdoch]

Didn'T like it, shared my food. And just everything went well. She decided for us to go to premarital counseling, which sounded like a good idea. I didn't think I needed it, but I was in love. So we went and saw Fred. Well, Fred being a direct mover. And he looked at our assessment.

[Joni]

We'll tell you about the mover in a minute.

[David Murdoch]

He said that you're going to have some problems. And it's like, I didn't have no problem. And so he said, I don't think you should get married. Well, that hit me wrong. And I said, forget it. Told her I wasn't going back. Forget it. I didn't need it that bad. And so you said, all I know.

[Cindy Murdoch]

Is I love you.

[David Murdoch]

All I know is I love you. And we had a marriage license that we were getting married. You know, I think it was 30, 60 days, whatever it was, before it expired.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[David Murdoch]

So. Well, she got all. She didn't know what to do. Her emotive side was to make everybody okay. And so Will. I struggled with that, to make everybody okay. What about me if she wanted to make everybody okay? Well, in the end, that license expired because she couldn't make up her mind then. And I told her, I said that we either get married or I'm out of here. That's. I don't want not to live with it.

[Anna Kendall]

I have never heard this story before.

[David Murdoch]

So it was like.

[Cindy Murdoch]

So we got a Second marriage license.

[David Murdoch]

So we went and got a second marriage license. We get married. Well, in about a year of dating. In love. Two years. Still in love.

[Cindy Murdoch]

In the marriage, yeah.

[David Murdoch]

Woke up one morning and something had changed. I had changed. Cindy was still the same. Her emote. She was still that loving person. But all of a sudden, my softness had disappeared.

[Joni]

Your responder had gone south.

[David Murdoch]

My responder had gone south.

[Anna Kendall]

You didn't speak all the languages.

[David Murdoch]

I didn't speak all the languages.

[Joni]

When you settled into your talk languages.

[David Murdoch]

And I remember telling her we had a restaurant. She reached over to share my food, and I stopped it. I said, no, no. I said, I don't want you to share. I don't want to share.

[Joni]

Food with Cindy was like, I've been doing this for. It was hard.

[Cindy Murdoch]

It was so romantic.

[April Simons]

We always did that.

[David Murdoch]

So she says, anyway, anyway, then I told her I didn't want cheese on my burgers no more. I said, listen, I never ate cheese on my burgers till I met you. I said, I'm not doing it no more. That's just little tidbits where it changed. Well, lo and behold, we had a problem. And it got. It was really worse. Like I said, Cindy hadn't changed. She got a prayer call. She got in her closet, had a picture of me. But then I said. I said, let's go back to Fred. I want to go back to Fred.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[David Murdoch]

I said, because, you know, Fred was just direct. He just, you know, he didn't play around with you. So I went back to Fred. I said, fred, I want us to go through coaching, the basic coaching. I said, I don't want to be a coach. I said, but I want to go through that training to learn. I said, obviously, there's something I'm missing. And we went through that training. It was back then. It was five days a week, eight hours a day. And it opened my eyes. It changed my life. It was like, I now know why I behaved the way I behaved. I know now why I didn't understand her anymore, you know? And it changed my life. And I got into it so much. I said, let's do the advance. So we went through the advance, then.

[Joni]

We went through a coach.

[David Murdoch]

Yeah. Then a coach saying over coaching.

[Joni]

And now this is what you do.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Wait. But I want to hear Cindy's side of it. And like, how did you see this tool? Help him understand you better.

[Cindy Murdoch]

The beautiful part, I think, was that David was so intent on learning it, and he loved. He wanted to learn how we could communicate. So with his Responder, influencer, being last. And that my first. Because there were times he'd say, cindy, I can't deal with the emotions. Can you just, like, pull them down, do something? So what happened was he learned how. Not that he can just communicate constantly in all that sensitive, warm, emotive style, but. But he learned that's how I communicated. So he would be that sensitive man, and he would say, cindy, what do you need and how do you need it from me? Or he would allow me to talk and express my emotions without him being offended or take offense.

[Joni]

And you learned how to.

[Cindy Murdoch]

And then I learned he lives by plan. And I had to get on board with that plan. And if he ever felt like I wasn't on board with the plan, he would go into distress. Or the mover moves into action so fast, sometimes it. Honestly, my head would spin because it's like, I can't make a decision that fast. But he needed fast decisions. But as we learned that. And to this day, 17 years later, we still use the life language.

[Joni]

17 years later.

[Anna Kendall]

Right.

[Cindy Murdoch]

We still work with that.

[Joni]

And, David, you told me that you believe life language just saved your marriage.

[David Murdoch]

It saved our marriage because I couldn't see. Like I said, she didn't change. I changed. And the things I saw were different. I couldn't accept, didn't understand, didn't understand why she was always available. Well, that's a communication style.

[Cindy Murdoch]

It's a responder of a respondent.

[David Murdoch]

It's like, what do you mean you're always available or that influencer always wanting to connect with somebody.

[Joni]

I told her. You, Cindy. Yes, I do, too. She's my bestie. I mean, I have the same languages up there, so. But anyway, let's go through the languages if we can, because, again, they come from the seven motivational gifts in Romans 12. And so that's really cool. Now, April, over here. What are you. You're.

[April Simons]

I'm an influencer.

[Joni]

Influencer. What's your first one, Dorothy? Responders. All I have at the table. Your first one is I am tied.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Mover. Shaper.

[Joni]

Okay. Definitely. This is my little mover right here. And then I. Right now, I'm a shaper. I mean. Sorry. Influencer. Shaper is what my two are. And Anna is an influencer.

[Anna Kendall]

Producer.

[Joni]

Producer, yes. Responder. Influencer.

[David Murdoch]

Shape or mover.

[Joni]

Shape or mover.

[Cindy Murdoch]

And he's right.

[Joni]

Tied to. Okay, so Rachel totally gets David.

[Anna Kendall]

That's right.

[Joni]

Okay, so let's go through and talk about the emotives first. Okay, so responder. A responder. In The Bible probably would have been King David.

[Anna Kendall]

Yes.

[Joni]

Because what did he do? He played the harp. He was a musician. He wrote songs. Creative people are responders, and they have an ability to tune in and be sensitive to people. Better than any of the other languages. Exactly. They can be healthy or they can be unhealthy. That's the other thing we got to say. All the languages are good.

[Anna Kendall]

Absolutely. There's no bad combination.

[Joni]

But you can be healthy and unhealthy. Exactly. And if you don't have Jesus, you're not going to be healthy. And responders would kill people.

[April Simons]

So you can be.

[Joni]

They're very passionate. Right.

[April Simons]

You can be an unhealthy influencer. Absolutely unhealthy. Okay, got it. Yes.

[Joni]

Oh, yes. Oh, totally. I mean, totally. You can.

[Anna Kendall]

Unhealthy influencer would be a manipulator and a liar. Unhealthy responder would be self absorbed.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[Anna Kendall]

You know, unhealthy mover would be assertive.

[Joni]

Don't get ahead. We got it. We're on the emotives right now. On the emotives. Responder, King David. And then influencer would have been Peter.

[Anna Kendall]

Peter, who talked and talked and talked until he thought of something dissimilar.

[Joni]

And he always, always talking. He was like, you know, he was telling Jesus, let me, you know, be on the right side.

[Cindy Murdoch]

These influencers are connectors. They conceal the deal. They're a great salespeople.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Party.

[Cindy Murdoch]

They're the life of the party. You know, if you.

[Joni]

They like people.

[Cindy Murdoch]

The dolphin. Yeah, they're people people. Yes. They're great with. Can think on their feet. I know sometimes I'm thinking on my feet. And David, you just made that up.

[Joni]

I said you're that influencer.

[Anna Kendall]

With influencers, you have to remember because they may not.

[Joni]

Okay, so responder, influencer, Both great emotive. And by the way, we have all seven languages.

[Anna Kendall]

That's right.

[Joni]

Yes. If you take the test and we have the profile that you can take. They actually gave us a good deal on this. You can go to lifelanguages.com and use the code Joanie10 and get $10 off. I think it's a great deal. $39 to get the whole of your personal profile. Okay, so the two emotive languages. Responder, influencer. Now let's do the cognitive. There are three of those. Those are people that think first, and we need those in life for sure. So let's start with the contemplator. David.

[David Murdoch]

Contemplator. Okay, that's kind of low on me. They think and think and think.

[Joni]

They do.

[David Murdoch]

They're smart and they think some more.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[David Murdoch]

And they're professors around a feeling.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[David Murdoch]

Rarely do they move into action.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[Cindy Murdoch]

You have to really.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Unless they care about it. What's their filter?

[Anna Kendall]

Am I interested in this?

[Joni]

Am I really interested?

[David Murdoch]

That's how you connect with the contemplators.

[Cindy Murdoch]

Find out what they're interested in. And they will talk and talk.

[Joni]

Well, it will in a contemplator in the Bible would probably be in the apostle Paul and could be Isaiah because they like to read, they like to learn research.

[Anna Kendall]

They gain so much knowledge. And what we see today in meetings and things like that is they may know the answer but they're not going to fight to tell you. I may not know the answer but.

[Joni]

I'm going to give my. You'll be like, I think I can see it.

[Anna Kendall]

I got it. So the contemplator, you almost have to say, tell me what you think and then you'll be amazed.

[Cindy Murdoch]

And if you need somebody that loves researching, that's an amazing job for them because they are so philosophical. They love research. They love to know who wants you can't rush them.

[David Murdoch]

And I need to interject here on the languages is that's when we talk about them. We're talking in a pure form.

[Cindy Murdoch]

That's true.

[Joni]

That's right.

[David Murdoch]

So when we're a blend of all seven, there's other languages that can step in depending on your score and. Yeah, step in and shade that differently.

[Joni]

Yeah, yeah, that's true. So we are talking. So contemplator. Let's talk about.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

But I have to say about contemplators. It's the only language that actually needs time away to recharge.

[Anna Kendall]

That's right.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

From people. So when they get home from work, they might enjoy after or they can't work late constantly. They have to have time to recharge by themselves.

[Cindy Murdoch]

And door. 30 minutes from the corporate world was session that we had a content. One of the workers was a contemplator and they needed not to be rushed to take care of things. They had to get an email and say give them some time to make a decision and it helps save their job.

[Joni]

Okay, so we talked about contemplator. We talked about. Let's talk about producer. That's the other cognitive and shaper. Producer and shaper. Cindy, you have producer.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

I love producer.

[Cindy Murdoch]

I have producer. I love producers.

[Joni]

Producers can save money.

[Anna Kendall]

Yes, I do too.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

They're the best managers.

[Cindy Murdoch]

They can manage your all kinds of resources and they can manage people, but they are great in resources.

[Joni]

I know a producer that would get coupons and spend hours and then save so much money at the grocery store with all her kids.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Are you managing your life? If not, let me manage it for you. They make great assistance.

[Cindy Murdoch]

They really do. And they struggle.

[Joni]

Are they.

[Cindy Murdoch]

No, no.

[David Murdoch]

They're micromanagers.

[Cindy Murdoch]

But they can be micromanagers. And that's something. When you talk about the languages, there is an area that we teach of things you need, essential things that you might need to cultivate. And that would be for the producer not to micromanage, but allow people to do develop.

[Joni]

Well. And producer in the Bible would have been maybe Joseph. Joseph and Evan Abigail, you know who she feet. Yes, that's good. And then the last cognitive one. Shaper. Yes, yes.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Which is they need agreement for the plan. And if the plan changes, they need to know why.

[Cindy Murdoch]

Because it can be very distressful if they get pulled off.

[Joni]

They're good at delegating.

[Cindy Murdoch]

They're amazing at delegating. And they know who to delegate to. They know Z.

[Joni]

They go.

[Cindy Murdoch]

They know. They see Z, and then they know how to make the plan.

[Anna Kendall]

They are good at developing people, too. That's one of the best languages for developing people. And they're very strategic.

[Joni]

Very. And so in the Bible, Nehemiah would have been, you know, he didn't come down off the wall, y'. All. He had a plan. He was going to get it done.

[Anna Kendall]

Plus, he worked under authority. He did not rebel against authority. He got the authority. Then he went to make it happen, had the plan. And you're right, never did come down off that ladder.

[Cindy Murdoch]

And CEOs, oftentimes, you'll see shapers or the CEOs of companies.

[Joni]

Right, right. Okay. And so we did the emotive, those that feel first. We did the thinkers that think first. Again, you have all seven languages.

[Cindy Murdoch]

Action.

[Joni]

So let's go to the action. A mover in the Bible would have been John the Baptist and Elijah.

[Anna Kendall]

Lead, follow, get out of the way, make it happen.

[Joni]

Movers are. They're great if they're healthy. Yes, they are. But they can do some damage if.

[Anna Kendall]

They'Re unhealthy, as we all can. They're just not subtle.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

I think movers can be misunderstood because they're so direct. So they're the type of people that come in and they're like, all right, are we gonna post this? What's the plan today? How are we gonna get this done? And then the influencer's gonna be the person that Walks in and is like, good morning. Did you see.

[Joni]

Love that dress you have on today.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Like, this is a great color on you. And it's like 15 minutes of the things before they get to the action.

[Joni]

Right?

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

So it's when there's understanding of this is just the type of person who just is very like, let's get it done.

[Joni]

Yeah. My husband has a mover in it, and that's. Mover's my last o. And so he will. It's been interesting because our top two are the same, but he has really high mover. And he'll be like, okay, let's do this. And I'll be like, okay, But I maybe want to sit there for a second. It's like, well, come on now.

[Anna Kendall]

Right now.

[Joni]

Let's get going right now. They want to move quickly.

[Cindy Murdoch]

They respond to life first through action. Whether they say something or they move in to action or if I have.

[Joni]

An idea, I'll be. Think we're just talking about it. And he'll be like, he's on his phone sending the ma wave. I haven't decided if I want to do that.

[Cindy Murdoch]

But what does happen oftentimes with movers and doers, especially movers, I think is once they feel or think they either will be glad they said or did what they did, or they'll wish they had never said what they said. That's so true.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[David Murdoch]

See, movers have a tendency to look down on themselves. And nobody knows that, realizes that they're.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Hard on everyone else, but they're hardest on themselves.

[Dorothy Newton]

And we're not going to show that. We're going to operate confidence.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

But they're visionaries. They're visionaries. They're the type of people that can start something that nobody else can.

[Joni]

Well. And they own. And they're also usually prophetic.

[Anna Kendall]

Prophetic and entrepreneurial.

[April Simons]

Very discerning, but unhealthy. Might be pathetic if you think about that. You know, it's great. All these are great. I have like 15 kids. Not really, but knowing what their life languages are, because I have one that has been telling me what to do since she was born. And, you know, it helps me as an influencer, responder, shaper to not get offended by it, of course, not get inspired by it, feelings, hurt by it. So it's great. It's not just for.

[Anna Kendall]

I learned that with kids.

[Joni]

Totally for your kids. And the last one, doer. That's an important one.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

My dad was a doer.

[David Murdoch]

They're the ones who get the work done.

[Joni]

They get it done. And really, they probably can do it better than anybody else. Exactly. Even. And so it's hard sometimes for them to delegate.

[Anna Kendall]

It is.

[Joni]

They make a list. They like to check it off, and they get it done.

[Anna Kendall]

By the time I tell you how to do it and teach you how to do it, I could have done it myself and done it right.

[Joni]

They don't like meetings now. Shapers love meetings. Let's all get together and talk about this and make a plan.

[Cindy Murdoch]

Did you know something that is great about the doer, and I see this in David all the time, is they have such an eye for detail.

[Joni]

Very detailed.

[Cindy Murdoch]

Oftentimes I didn't see it. I say, baby, how in the world did you see this? He said, well, it's right there.

[Joni]

Remember your dad? So the detail all the way down to the color or the line or, I mean, the italics.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

We knew all the things. He was so. So specific.

[Cindy Murdoch]

Yes.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

The thing about doers is they love making a list. They're the type of people that will have already done the task, but they'll add it to the list just so they get the joy of crossing it off. One of the things that doers in a work environment have to be careful of is they'll get into all of the, like, tiny things they can move forward.

[Joni]

All the tactical.

[Cindy Murdoch]

They get bogged down.

[Anna Kendall]

Yeah.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Instead of focusing on, like, maybe that harder thing, they really just want to.

[Anna Kendall]

Keep the real vision.

[Joni]

But if you want to have somebody who works really good, if you have a shaper doer combo. Yeah.

[Cindy Murdoch]

I'm just telling you because you want things finished. They will go into distress if things are not finished and finished well.

[April Simons]

How do you take the test without overthinking it? Because listening, somebody might say, well, I think I'm that. And you might have to be honest on the question.

[Anna Kendall]

The way you are most of your life most of the time in most situations.

[April Simons]

I had a friend that took the test that talked about how the questions weren't right on the test. They were overthinking it, you know, so you just gotta go in and just take it.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

You have to take off your mom hat, you have to take off your worker hat.

[Joni]

You.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

You have to take off your husband, wife hat. You have to answer the questions and quickly, too.

[David Murdoch]

And sometimes people do not know themselves.

[Joni]

Yes.

[Cindy Murdoch]

So they don't know how to answer.

[Joni]

Okay, so we did. That was doer.

[Anna Kendall]

We've done all of them.

[Joni]

Well, they said we haven't really touched on responder. We did responder. David would have been a responder. Who would have been a doer in the Bible? Maybe Moses.

[Anna Kendall]

Moses is a doer. And Martha.

[Joni]

Martha. Oh, yes.

[Cindy Murdoch]

And Mary would have been your respondent.

[Joni]

Oh, yes. Mary. Because she wanted to sit by Jesus and just worship him. I am having to do all this in the kitchen. I am doing all the work. You are doing nothing.

[Anna Kendall]

Exactly.

[David Murdoch]

That's a doer in distress. Doer in distress and say, I do everything.

[Joni]

And so a responder.

[Anna Kendall]

I am the only one around here who ever does anything that's a doer.

[Joni]

Right. And so responder David, Mary would have been. They. In fact, wherever they are, they embrace that moment 100%. Is that right?

[Cindy Murdoch]

In the moment?

[Joni]

Yes.

[Cindy Murdoch]

I remember telling you that sometime back when the girls were in college, because one of them just seemed to be 100% where she was.

[Joni]

Yeah, yeah, it's true. Like, you never hear from them. Like they're immersed in whatever they are.

[Anna Kendall]

Right, right. And, you know, if you line these up with Romans 12, it's like the mover is the prophet. The doer is the server. The responder's mercy. The influencer is exhortation. Okay. Exhorter. Okay. Shaper. Producer's giver. Shaper is administration and contemplator's teacher.

[Joni]

Okay.

[Cindy Murdoch]

So that lines up exactly.

[Joni]

That's awesome. That's awesome. Well, you can actually take the Life language profile and go to lifelanguages.com and use the code Joanie10. You'll get $10 off. You can learn more about what language you speak, but like you said, April, not just the language you speak, but your husband, your wife, your children, grandchildren. If you're in a workplace like Dorothy was and you were having to interview people, it will help tremendously life save your job. It's so Rachel will say it.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

If you work in the corporate setting or any job, you're going to just have so much more success if you place people in the right position.

[Dorothy Newton]

And it's fun because it's a discovery time. It is who you are and how you respond.

[Anna Kendall]

And let me tell you, Fred and I were not smart enough to figure this out, to have created it. It had to be from God, because this came from a mind that was greater than us. We're honored that God used us, but he is the author.

[Joni]

We've done a lot of the other kind of personality communication time, and nothing comes close to this.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Yeah, I mean, I love this because it's seven languages. It's really easy to learn them and get to know them. So when someone says, I'm this, you Immediately know. Okay. When there's like 50 different things, like, you're never gonna realistically, like, know that. And it's all super easy to understand and use in a practical way.

[Joni]

Yeah, it's.

[Anna Kendall]

And each language has a mascot or an animal.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[Anna Kendall]

So that can help you remember.

[Joni]

Y' all know who the influencers at the table are right here. But anyway, yeah, it's really, really. It has been a real blessing. And like Rachel said, I mean, I don't endorse anything like this unless I really, really believe in it. It really helps people. Well, we are out of time. But don't you want to remember that everything rises and falls on communication? God cares deeply, of course, how we connect because strong relationships build his kingdom. That's why he's given us biblical tools like Life Languages to help us understand each other, heal, and move forward together. If you're watching today and you need prayer, that's really why we're here. And so that prayer line number's on the screen. If you don't know the Lord, that's the most important prayer that you can pray today. And just invite Jesus into your heart. He will change your life. You can call that number. We'd love to pray with you, give you that opportunity to do that. But I do want to thank Anna, David, and Cindy for joining us. And to take the Life Languages assessment or schedule a coaching session, you can visit lifelanguages.com and you can get that $10 off your personal Life languages profile using the discount code Joni 10. That's J O N I 10. Well, as always, make sure to follow us on our social media. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for full episodes and exclusive content. And let us know our Table Talk is touching your life. We love hearing from you. You can also listen to the Joni Table Talk podcast, available now on all major platforms. Thank you. You so much for watching. Thank you, little Life Language people over there, little responders, influencers, shapers. We love them all, and they're all good, and it will help you tremendously. And we hope this been a blessing to you. Thank you, Anna, David, and Cindy. We'll see you next time. By five for today. Well, if resentment feels like a weight that you just can't shake, I want you to know that there's still hope. Today's guest reveals how God empowered him to face his trauma, forgive his abusers, and even forgive himself. But before we get to that joining around the table is April Simons. This is a subject that's near and dear to my Heart. Because there are so many people that have unforgiveness.

[Cindy Murdoch]

Oh, my goodness.

[April Simons]

And it's really just hurting us. You started out strong resentment. That's big. It's huge. But I'm glad we're getting to it because we got to get to the root. If you don't deal with the issues, you won't heal.

[Joni]

It's going to be great. So true. Anna Kendall, this is something I know you've dealt with in helping couples for years.

[Anna Kendall]

Yes, absolutely. And unforgiveness takes so much energy. It's like hate and anger. It takes so much energy. So why not take that same energy and use it for good instead of wasting it on this other? So today, I think a lot of people will get free.

[Joni]

And, Rachel, this is coming from the Bible. What God says about forgiveness and why we are to forgive. This is not like our opinion at the table. This is something that can literally set people free.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

He says 70 times seven every day. That's a lot.

[Anna Kendall]

Or maybe every hour.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

That's a lot. That he set the bar really high. And he's teaching us that because he knows that we need it.

[Joni]

And so because of what he did. Yeah.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

And you know what? Literally, this is a topic that applies to everybody that's watching.

[Joni]

That's right.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

At some point in your life, you're gonna experience someone who hurts you. And so this is something that you can learn and grow and really like what you guys said. It's freedom for you.

[Joni]

It is. And Dorothy Newton. It's an ongoing thing.

[Dorothy Newton]

It is ongoing because we can be offended every.

[Joni]

We can't allow ourselves to be offended.

[Dorothy Newton]

Exactly. But the key is, you know the word. Like Rachel just quoted a scripture. But Even in Ephesians 4. 32, the word tells us, forgive and extend. An act of kindness. I think God is asking a bit too much.

[Joni]

But isn't this not only forgive, but extend and act and kindness. Exactly.

[Dorothy Newton]

Exactly. But it's essential.

[Joni]

It is. Yeah.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

That act of kindness.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Woo.

[Joni]

Kendra, Kelly, Dean, this is something you and I have talked about so much.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

I love you for that. Thank you for all those times being there.

[Joni]

But, yeah.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

And to me, I really know that I have truly forgiven someone when I can turn around and bless them.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

When I can pray blessings over their life just like I would for myself or my children or my husband. That I know.

[Joni]

Okay.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

I have to release the weight.

[Joni]

Or you can see them or hear about em or hear their name and not feel that. What I call the ink. The ick. Ooh. Yes. Yes.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

Yeah. Then you know, okay, like Anna said, you're just wasting your energy. So release the chains and just walk in freedom.

[Joni]

Let go. Let it go. Well, he's an author, counselor, and my amazing husband. Please welcome Dr. Doug Weiss. Always running.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Hey, Demi.

[Joni]

Hey. Listen, you don't waste any time, baby. So good, so good. Welcome to the table.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

It's good to be here with you all.

[Joni]

I'm so glad you're here. Well, you know, Doug was born into a broken home. He endured years of abuse and neglect. And today he's going to reveal how God led him into the freedom of forgiveness and why every believer can tap into this life changing, what he calls a superpower. Now you call it a superpower because if we have Jesus on the inside of us, we can forgive knowing that he's given us that superpower. Is that right?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Absolutely. I mean, when Jesus forgave us, that was super because he had to die on a cross for that to happen. Okay. And when the Holy Spirit came, he gave all of us the superpower to forgive. See, this is what a lot of people don't understand. Non Christians are stuck because they don't have the superpower to say, I forgive you. There's no more debt. I'm walking free. You're not controlling my life anymore. And keep their heart soft. So if you don't have that superpower, your heart can get jaded and hard and then you get all these buttons that people can push and you start acting weird and you start looking like the problem.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Yeah. If the Lord gave Christians the power to forgive, why are so many people still struggling with it?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, I think first of all, Rachel, a lot of people don't understand. It's a process for some and we want to forgive. But also it's trauma. Divorce, infidelity, rape, abortion, all kinds of trauma. Being lied about. Okay. With the social media, oh, my gosh. I mean, betrayal, lawsuits, all kinds of things that can happen. And this is trauma. And you got to deal with the trauma piece as well as the forgiveness piece. And so in forgiveness for everyone, we have people do the work. And it's work to forgive. It's really hard. You know, we're not Wolverine. You know, where the bullet goes in and we just pop that bullet out. Okay. No, we gotta go in, grab that bullet and pull it out.

[Joni]

We are kinda like Wolverine, though, that we draw claws and begin to scrape away.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, not in the name of Jesus. So what we want to do is to be able. You're gonna have pain. Jesus promises suffering. He promised you Will be betrayed. He promised you will be lied about. He promised you will be misunderstood in your family, that there'll be problems. Okay. He promised us that would happen. But forgiveness allows us to walk through that.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

And not smell like it.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

You know what I mean? Because, you know, people who smell like they've been through stuff because they're still carrying stuff.

[Joni]

Yeah. I mean, they look sour.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

They do look sour.

[Joni]

There's nothing to me sadder than seeing someone who has unforgiveness and bitterness for years, and it just shows on their face, their countenance, how they respond. It's so sad.

[April Simons]

It affects them. Yeah. And I think, too, what we don't realize when we carry around unforgiveness, we're passing that down on our children. They take on the offense, and suddenly we find that they're mad at this person, too. And they don't even know why. But mama or daddy was mad. It's just a cycle that has to be broken.

[Joni]

It's really dangerous.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

You have to be careful who you bleed on.

[Joni]

Yes. It's so true. Well, let's go back a little bit and just tell a little bit of your story for people who are watching, who may not know, and how you worked through forgiveness yourself.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, I mean, I was conceived in adultery. I was abandoned, put in foster homes. I was sexually abused. And alcohol, drugs, pornography, all came into my life to medicate that. And when Jesus saved me at 19 years old. Okay. And then he put me in Bible school and all that. But it was years into the process of following Jesus where he dealt with me to say, okay, now you need to really go through and forgive them. That was one phase. And then forgive you and then go ask for forgiveness.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

So a lot of work.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

It was a lot of work. And in forgiveness for everyone, I outlined how anyone can do the. And if you want to look like Jesus, you got to walk like, I forgive you. You may be less bright than I wish you were, but I forgive you. Bless your heart.

[Joni]

Okay, what about your list of people that you. The Lord said, I want you to go to them and ask for forgiveness.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, that was a little bit later in the process, but I did it.

[Joni]

So did you go to every person?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Yeah, every person. I physically could. And for those I couldn't, there's an exercise in the book that you can do where you can just symbolically do it. But, no, I tracked some people down. I was young, though. That one was actually like 19 or 20. So I was able to get a hold of all those Ex girlfriends without being married and, you know, ex people I had to deal with.

[Joni]

So how did they respond when you.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Said all of them forgave me?

[Joni]

Wow.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

You know, even the guy who was my boss at one point, and, you know, I just didn't take responsibility for him. Stuff my attitudes in his place of work. And, you know, he was definitely not God, but he forgave me. And he's like, bless your heart, you know, you're going to Bible school and, you know, bless your heart.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Who is the hardest person for you to forgive?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Me. It's always me.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

And I've counseled probably about 5,000 people at least in the last 40 years. And I have. This is therapy in a box. This is worth about maybe three to four thousand dollars. Okay. So when they do the exercise, you know, they'll forgive the person who raped them. They'll forgive the person who cheated on them for 20 years. Okay. But then when we get to them and they have to look at themselves and forgive themselves, it's.

[Dorothy Newton]

That is so true. Like, I went through that process, and I'm telling you, I thought I needed his forgiveness, but when it came to me, then and only then, I was able to experience the freedom from guilt, shame, condemnation.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Amen.

[Dorothy Newton]

I mean, that was the light. It changed everything because you almost like.

[Joni]

Beat your own self up and you go back and rehearse if I had done this or that, you know, and you don't forgive yourself or maybe if you had done this differently or that and that's the wrong way to.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, you're still grieving that you're not wonderful. Let's get over it.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Okay. We're all sinners, okay. And we all do silly things. Okay? Doesn't matter how old you are. And if you ask forgiveness, take responsibility, you can heal. And if you forgive yourself, you can move on.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

So how did you get through that process of trying to forgive yourself?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

It wasn't trying. It was an exercise where you actually. And it doesn't take long to do it. It'll take you about maybe a half hour. Okay. You walk through, you write down the things that you need to be forgiven for. You sit in a chair and you role play asking yourself. And then you switch and then you come back. And if you can forgive, then you come back and accept that forgiveness and you experience self forgiveness and you experience Jesus forgiving you. I've had thousands of clients who were born again, filled with the Holy Ghost, preachers, deacons, elders, whatever. And I had them do Jesus even though they were Forgiven. I had them do Jesus because they sinned against Jesus. And when Jesus forgave them, they literally broke down because they experienced the forgiveness of God. It wasn't cognitive anymore. It was, I've been forgiven. Oh, my God, this is amazing. It's true. And these are 30, 40 year old Christians, you know, and they never experienced.

[Joni]

Well, there was something about walking it out. And that's really what's powerful about the book in the dvd. And you wrote this book after we got married. So I watched you, right. The chapters and I would read through them and it was really powerful because it seems so simple and yet it's something that. It's an act that you do. I mean, like, for instance, I had some issues with individuals. Yes, we all did really, from time to time. And because you could feel that inside of you. And I didn't like that feeling, that angst, because I want to keep my heart right before God. Okay. But we all are gonna have opportunities to be offended and hurt. People are gonna say and do things, they're gonna lie about you. And you have to forgive and move past it. But anyway, Doug says, I want you to do the work. And I was like, I was like, I already. I am a minister of the gospel. I know what the Bible says about forgiving. I mean, I know in the Lord's Prayer it says, forgive us our trespass as we forgive those who trespass against us. I've done that. He was like, go do the work. So the first thing you do, I'm just gonna tell you to give you a little hint here. Cause he goes through what he's been doing for years in counseling that people come to see him for. So I had to write a letter to that person. He said, don't leave anything out. Whatever you want to say, you said it.

[Dorothy Newton]

An angry letter.

[Joni]

An angry. The Bible says, be angry and sin not. This is my be angry moment. And so you just write everything down. I mean, when I got through with that letter, I wouldn't like for anybody to see that letter.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

And you don't let anybody see that.

[Joni]

You don't let anybody.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

And you rip it up and throw it away when you're done.

[Joni]

You never let anyone see and throw it away. But you have to lacerate that wound so that you can be healed and.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

That you're getting all of it out.

[Joni]

You expose it to God and then the next move is. And April, you experienced this, this whole thing we're talking about. Yeah. Where you have to. You actually he has like a. What is it? Called a little. A bat, but it's a.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

A foam bat.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Yeah, like a foam bag. Sports bag.

[Joni]

So you do all this by. I was.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

He.

[Joni]

He left the house, and I was in my room in. In the bedroom. And you, you know, hit the bed or something, and you get all that. And you. And you feel like almost like. Is this really, like, something? And then you do the chair exercise.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

Oh, my.

[Joni]

Where you sit across from that person, and that person says to you everything that you really need to hear. Will you forgive me? I'm so sorry for doing this to you. I shouldn't have done it. And then you have to make the decision if you're gonna forgive them, and then you make that decision, and then Jesus comes in. So, I mean, it's a whole thing that goes through in the book. It's a process. And so. But I will tell you, after that I did that for this particular person. I felt totally free. I felt like I had lacerated and let's. That poison out. And now if you talk about that person or mention, I'll just be like, it's okay. Yeah, it's okay.

[Anna Kendall]

You know, I really think if we don't forgive that we are doomed to relive. Maybe not with that same person, but there will be that kind of unforgiveness that keeps coming into our lives unless we break that chain and do the process and get free. Because forgiveness does bring us freedom if we don't. And I have known women who. I know a woman who married a man. He ended up being an alcoholic. He was not when she married him. She divorced him, married another man who ended up being an alcoholic. It went back to her father, who was an alcoholic. And she kept reliving that until she forgave the father and worked through what she had to do to reach that point.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

And if you come from a. Everyone comes from an imperfect family, but some are more painful than others.

[Joni]

Yes.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Okay. And a lot of people have counseled, had to do. Mom and dad or siblings are romantic early relationships or people they've had sexual encounters with that they weren't proud of or stuff like that. But when they do it, man, they're free. And then they can go back. So here's a true story. I remember I was in Fort Worth, Texas, when I was practicing there. Now I'm in Colorado Springs. But this guy was about 6, 3, 4, and then he had a Texas hat on. So he's a big guy. Filled up the doorway. And this was around the end of October. And his mom was so Abusive to him, beat him, cursed him. Was awful. But they had a kind of a family tradition that you never miss Thanksgiving. Right. And so I said, you need to do the anger work. So he wrote his letter, and he was in my office for probably 20, 30 minutes. When I came in, he was sweating. Okay. How is amazing. Dr. Weiss. Okay. He actually went to Thanksgiving just two weeks after that. And he says, you know, when I would. When I drove up to the house, I didn't have that angst.

[Joni]

Wow.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

I didn't have that hurt and that anger. I was able to just hug her and accept her for who she was, and it was the best Thanksgiving because I didn't have that. I really hate you.

[Joni]

Yeah. That is so good.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

You know, he was able to release her. So it does work.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

I don't think people realize that unforgiveness. It can rest in your joints, it can rest in your body, and it can cause heart palpitations. It can cause anxiety and stress. Just like that young man thinking, when I pull up to this house, oh, holy crazy, I'm gonna start sweating.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Yeah. He had PTSD symptoms.

[Joni]

Yeah.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

And so I love that you're doing it in the sense of.

[Joni]

Yes.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

You have to write it. You have to say it. Because sometimes we have those dialogues like, I'll be walking around the house, cleaning or something, and I'm like. And then I would have said. And I'm like, oh, no. I'm rehearsing. Oh, no.

[Joni]

And then I have to go and have to pray about it. Right.

[Kendra Kelly Dean]

But what are some signs? Because, again, Dorothy touched on it, and it was so big that forgiving ourselves can be the hardest. Maybe how responded to the trauma, how they responded to the pain.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, you can struggle with, like, worthless issues, push good people out of your life, invite bad people, have poor boundaries, not take risk. You can get stuck in a place where you're just not the best version of you. You know? And that's sad, because you don't want someone else to drive your car.

[Joni]

Yeah, okay.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

You want to drive your car. You want the Lord to drive your car. Him and you drive the car. Don't let someone who's hurt you drive your car. And when you get into forgiveness, you're kind of giving them the steering wheel. And you don't want to be going where they want to take you. You want to go where the Lord has you to go.

[Dorothy Newton]

Oh, that's a good.

[Joni]

That's great. You know, some people get stuck, and they say, okay, well, I have to confront my perpetrator before I can forgive them. They also say my perpetrator has to ask forgiveness for me before I forgive them. A lot of people say. And then some of them say, you know, my perpetrator has to change before I can forgive them. But the Bible doesn't say anything about those things.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Those are called myths. And I discuss. Christians have myths.

[Joni]

Yes, they do.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Right. And these are manufactured stories that just came up over traditions. And they're just traditions of men. A. You don't. Your perpetrator's not mature enough to test forgiveness. If they were, they would have. And if you give the power to them, they will continue to perpetrate your life.

[Anna Kendall]

That's right.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Why do they. And you don't need it to forgive them. Okay? You can forgive them from wherever you are and sit down and just release it. And when you do that, you don't have to need anybody's help to walk in forgiveness. You don't need them to change because they may not be bright enough at this moment to change. Okay? They may be still hurt and broken and dysfunctional and crazy, have a personality disorder or an addiction, and they can't change. So you go, okay? I'm not waiting for you to change. I'm going to just change the way that I'm with you.

[Anna Kendall]

You right?

[Joni]

So good. Well, stay right there. We're going to come back and talk more about forgiveness. We'll be right back. Some books deserve to be held, cherished, remembered. This book is more than that. It's a place to meet God. Every verse invites you to slow down, to listen. Along with a journal that offers a quiet space for your prayers, your questions, your journey, for moments of stillness, for words that matter. Order your Bible and journal bundle now. Okay. We're talking about forgiveness with Dr. Doug Weiss. Why did you write the book, Doug?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, because as a therapist for 40 years, I saw the miracle. Every week, people fly and do five day intensives from infidelity, pornography, addiction, family issues, whatever, And I saw them actually be released. And not only when they forgave others, but when they forgave themselves. And they were changed people. They were like. And so we have feedback forms at the end of the week. We're always really helpful. And the forgiveness work was one of the things they'd almost always say. The forgiveness work was hard, but it was the best thing I've ever done. And because they just didn't know how to get the. And so this book is how to get there, okay? And it's not a forcing thing. It just gives you the tools, and then you can use them or not use them.

[Joni]

Well, this is. Again, this is your many years of experience that you have put into this book.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Yeah. That's worth thousands, actually, if you actually had to come see me to do that. So I'd get the book.

[Joni]

Yeah. The book is a lot easier, for sure. That's right. Well, I know, April.

[April Simons]

I love the process. I'd love for someone to tell me how to do it, because this is one thing that I've learned to have to be leery of the remnants that you might be carrying around. And what I mean by that, you think you might have forgiven. I can speak from experience. I thought I had forgiven someone that had hurt me. But then when their name was spoken, I remembered what they wore. I remembered that it wasn't that cute. And I remember, you know, everything about it. And my sister Lisa called me out and she said the next day, you know, she took on my dad. Kind of looked like my dad. Kind of scared me a little bit. But anyway, she said, april, that wasn't like you. And until you truly forgive that, God's not going to take you to that next level of anointing.

[Joni]

That's right.

[April Simons]

But I appreciate she saw my blind side. She saw something in me that I didn't see. I didn't know it was still there. So I appreciate the process. If someone's carrying around a remnant, if you haven't truly forgiven, then you know you can't be heard by God.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

One of the signs that you're alluding to, April, is if you're in unforgiveness, you find it very hard. Hard to think or say anything good about the person.

[April Simons]

Exactly. But now I can.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Yeah, now you can. But you have to do the work sometimes. So if you got someone.

[Joni]

That's a good way to say it.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

If you got someone.

[Joni]

I think people right now, I don't want to say good things about.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

You can't say anything good about them. You probably need to do the work, because then you'd be free.

[April Simons]

It's not in them. It's the work in us, because we're responsible for.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

I feel like unforgiveness really is the root. And a lot of times people don't know that that's the root. And you just see the symptoms.

[Joni]

Right.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Talk about some of the symptoms that someone might be struggling with. Unforgiveness.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

If they have unforgiveness. I think in the book, we talk about 18 or 19 of them, but like we talked about, they can't say anything good about them, but also it affects how you feel about yourself, because as Christians, we know forgive or you're not forgiven. We know that we're not doing something the Father told us to do. Dad said forgive. There's no caveats.

[Joni]

Jesus said 70 times 7 in one.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Day, which, again, like Rachel said, that's a high bar. But what he's saying is, this is my standard. If I can come into time for you, live as a human, stinking human being, leave heaven for you, sweat with you guys, eat your food, die on your cross for your sins, and forgive you of everything you've ever done, you better at least be able to forgive some of that stupid stuff you guys do to each other. You know what I'm saying? It's kind of like if your dad. Hey, listen, I paid all your bills. You're buying lunch for your sister.

[Anna Kendall]

Yeah, right.

[Joni]

I mean, it's like the parable that he told in the Bible, right? Where the man was forgiven a huge debt. Exactly.

[Anna Kendall]

And then would not forgive him, then.

[Joni]

Would not forgive his servant. And when the king found out, he was just like, what are you talking about? I forgave you this huge debt. You're not willing to forgive this small debt. You know, I'm going to dismiss you in doubt or darkness because it was a serious thing for him. And that's what Jesus did. He forgave us.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

He did. And I'm so grateful for that. And, you know, there's lots of people that I don't know if you even have been forgiven by Jesus, but if you haven't, let me invite you.

[Joni]

Yes.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

You know, he died so that you could be free, that you could be forgiven. And if you haven't done that, just do it right now. Just invite him into your heart. Say this out loud. Say, jesus. Jesus, forgive me of my mistakes.

[April Simons]

Forgive me of my mistakes.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

I believe you died on a cross.

[Joni]

I believe you died on a cross.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

I believe you're blessed. Blood. I blood paid for all my mistakes and sins. I repent. I make you lord of me right now.

[April Simons]

I make you lord of me right now.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

In Jesus name.

[Joni]

In Jesus name.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

If you said that you have just experienced the forgiveness of God. And I know, Joni, you got something you might want to offer them.

[Joni]

Yeah, for sure. We'll send you the Book of John, which is a great place to start in the Bible. And it's just our way of saying, God bless you, we love you, and we're excited about this journey that you're on. There's not A more important prayer that you can pray. Pray. We only have a couple minutes. Touch on boundaries.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Well, that's really important because a lot of times when we, as you know, we get in a situation like, oh no, just forgive them. Well, you don't understand. My brother, my friend, my boss, my mom, they're unhealthy and dysfunctional as anything. And are you saying, Dr. Weiss, I gotta go back in there and get my face punched in again? No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying you release the forgiveness and then you'll be able to have healthier boundaries. And you need to put boundaries like maybe I don't communicate with them, maybe I don't go to family situations, maybe I don't have them on my Facebook page. Right. Or whatever you have to do to say I don't need dysfunction in my life. And when you want to treat me with the respect that God treats me with, I'm with you, I'll treat you. If you can respect me, I can respect you. But if you can't, then that's not someone who's going to be in my.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

Life have that conversation in a way that doesn't create bitterness on the other party side.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

You can't control what they do and if they're immature, it's probably going to cause problems.

[April Simons]

Right?

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Because people you need to have boundary with and you have to tell them you need that boundaries with are not healthy. So don't expect a healthy response from an unhealthy person. Expect them to blame you, trigger you, yell at you and tell you you're self righteous, you're not a Christian, you're ungodly, you're all bad things because they can't be. But hopefully if, if they're reasonably healthy, it could be a great.

[Joni]

If somebody's reasonably healthy or if you ask for forgiveness or they come to you or whatever, you know that you.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Can open the door.

[Joni]

God can repair that relationship and that's what what he wants. Just encourage that person that hasn't forgiven, that knows they need to listen.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

If you need to be forgiven, I would definitely do that first. But if you have someone in your heart, in life that's causing you that frustration, you can't say anything good about them. You're get forgiveness for everyone. Really do the work. I'm talking to you as a psychologist, as a friend, you deserve to be free. But you know what? You're holding the key as to whether you actually get free or not. And if you put it in and you open that Door. And you forgive, you get to walk out.

[Joni]

That's good. That's such a good word. Well, we are out of time, but I want you to remember that God calls us to forgive because he first forgave us. And when we confess our sins, 1st John 1 and 9 said, he is faithful and just to forgive us of all our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. But it's a commandment. It's not a suggestion.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

It's a commandment. And with this material, you can actually fulfill that commandment and know that you did it. Okay. And if you get stuck, you know, anyone who's really hurt me and I've done it, I just send them a gift. I just bless them because then I don't remember what they did to me. I remember what I did to.

[Joni]

Yep, I remember that was. I know you do that. And it's. It's good. I did that with someone recently. I got. Stole his idea. Yeah, but great idea.

[Rachel Lamb Brown]

So I'll know if a gift appears on my door. It might be from one of your.

[Joni]

Exactly. I haven't done any.

[Dr. Doug Weiss]

Some people be like, I don't know who this is from because I've offended so many people.

[Joni]

I know I sent someone to get. They had no idea. Well, if you're watching today and you need prayer, that's why that prayer line number's on the screen. We have amazing prayer partners that are standing by, always ready to pray with you. I want to thank Dr. Doug Weiss for joining us today. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for sharing about the book. Be sure you pick up a copy of his DVD and his book Forgiveness for Everyone at jonielam.com Healing Time. For more info, you can visit him [e-mail] and as always, make sure to follow us on all social media. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for full episodes, exclusive content, and let us know how Table Talk is touching your life. If you prayed that prayer and invited Jesus into your heart, call us. We're gonna send you the Book of John. And it's just our way of saying thank you. I'm so excited about this journey that you're on. Of course, you can also listen to the Joni Table Talk podcast, available now on all the major platforms. But I want to thank you so much for watching. Thank you. Of course. Thank you, ladies, for sharing. Thank you, Dr. Doug, and thank you for listening today and receiving what the Lord wanted to speak to your heart. Some of you watching, there are some people out there there are some situations that have happened and God is knocking on your heart story saying, you know what? I want you to deal with this. I want you to deal with it. I can't think of a better way than to get this book, forgiveness for Everybody, everyone, and go through the exercises that he's done for years that have helped people. Well, we love you. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. For today. This is an I Heart podcast.