Critical Error: Zeebrugge Ferry Disaster

Summary

Real Survival Stories – “Critical Error: Zeebrugge Ferry Disaster” (October 22, 2025)

Host: John Hopkins
Guest/Survivor: Gillian Lashbrook

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Brief Overview

This episode of Real Survival Stories recounts the harrowing night of March 6, 1987, when the Herald of Free Enterprise ferry catastrophically capsized near Zeebrugge, Belgium. Through the eyes of 16-year-old survivor Gillian Lashbrook, listeners are immersed in the chaos, terror, loss, and remarkable survival instincts that defined one of the worst maritime disasters in European history. The story covers not just the technical failures behind the disaster but also the deeply personal cost paid by passengers and their families.

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1. Setting the Scene: Ordinary Beginnings, Extraordinary Disaster

• Family Outing: Gillian, her mother Eileen, stepfather Keith, uncle David, and two stepbrothers board the ferry after a day trip in Belgium. Spirits are high despite bad weather, and Gillian affectionately reflects on her blended Liverpool family ([07:17–10:34]).
• Atmosphere: The ship, large and bustling, is filled with holidaymakers. As dusk falls, Gillian explores the upper deck, taking in the cold and wet but seemingly ordinary sailing ([11:34]).

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2. Catastrophe Strikes

• First Signs: Gillian feels the ferry dipping unnaturally but dismisses the fear as imagination. Suddenly, a jolt knocks her unconscious ([12:04–13:25]).
• Regaining Consciousness: "When everything was the wrong way around…I knew something terribly wrong had happened." – Gillian Lashbrook ([14:37])
• She finds herself alone, exposed on part of the capsized ship, desperate to return to her family ([15:51]).

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3. Life-and-Death Decisions

• Instincts Take Over: Gillian realizes the futility of trying to re-enter the ship and decides her only chance is to jump into the freezing sea:
  "I think the survival skills took over really…you need to look after yourself." – Gillian ([17:41])
• Struggle in the Water: Weighed down by boots and soaked clothes, she manages to kick her way to the surface, removes her boots, and swims for safety ([18:10–19:47]).
• Survivor’s Dilemma: Too tired to reach shore, she decides to return to the shelter of the ship's wreckage:
  "It’s not a case of thinking things through. It's just a quick decision." – Gillian ([21:42])

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4. Clinging to Life

• Finding Shelter and Others: Gillian secures herself with a skirt hook on a steel beam to avoid being swept away. She discovers and joins a woman and a small child who also escaped the ship ([23:41–24:59]).
• Waiting: The trio huddle in the freezing water, sharing what little comfort they can:
  "We were just so lost… it was just too unreal to fathom." – Gillian ([25:12])
• Facing Hypothermia:
  "I knew it was only a matter of time, because of the cold more than anything…what happens when your body starts to shut down." – Gillian ([26:55])
• Clinging to Home:
  "I was just thinking of home in my mind...I just wanted to be back there." – Gillian ([27:30])

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5. Rescue and Aftermath

• Missed by the Helicopter: Searchlights from helicopters sweep nearby, but the group is too hidden to be spotted ([30:00–30:54]).
• Risking the Waves Once More: Despite her companions’ pleas, Gillian makes a desperate swim back into open sea and is finally sighted—by a fishing boat, not the helicopter:
  "They pointed at me...I think that was the last of my energy." – Gillian ([32:22])
• Selfless to the End: Even as she succumbs to exhaustion, she insists rescuers return for her two companions ([33:04]).
• Warmth and Solitude: Onboard another rescue ship:
  "It felt nice to be warm again, but it was more the feeling of being alone...wondering if my family had made it." – Gillian ([34:45])

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6. Unspeakable Loss

• Reunion and Grief: Gillian reunites first with her brothers, Mark and Colin, after traumatic hours of uncertainty ([36:15–38:23]).
• Hearing the Worst:
  "Somebody from the Red Cross…'Oh, you do know that your parents are dead, don't you?'" – Gillian, on being bluntly told about her parents’ deaths ([39:47])
• Final Goodbye: Gillian is asked to identify her parents' bodies—a moment of profound sorrow ([40:50]).

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7. Legacy of the Disaster

• Scale and Cause:
  • 193 lives lost.
  • Catastrophic cause: Bow doors left open, flooding the car deck within minutes.
• Change Sparked: The incident leads to reforms in ferry safety: alarms, cameras, watertight barriers ([41:31]).

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8. Living with Grief, Finding Hope

• Forced to Grow Up:
  "I became the mother of the family…I started to look after all my brothers." – Gillian ([43:49])
• Pain and Healing:
  "I felt a physical pain, never mind the mental pain…Over time, it gradually eased." – Gillian ([44:16])
• Longing for Closure: For years, she wonders what happened to the mother and daughter she left behind. Eventually, she learns they survived, and they reunite 30 years later for emotional healing:
  "We were absolutely so happy to see each other…It was very healing for us to have been reunited." – Gillian ([46:04])

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9. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [02:03] – “There was debris around in the sea and I was looking for something to hang on to…” – Gillian Lashbrook
• [16:22] – “All I was thinking, I just wanted to get back inside the ship, to the safety of my mum and my family…”
• [21:42] – “It’s not a case of thinking things through. It's just a quick decision. I decided it'd be better for my safety to go back into the ferry.”
• [26:55] – “I knew it was only a matter of time, because of the cold more than anything, because we just couldn’t feel our hands and feet.”
• [32:22] – “They pointed at me…they shouted over that they were going to come and get me.”
• [39:47] – “Somebody from the Red Cross…'Oh, you do know that your parents are dead, don't you?' And I said, 'No, no…'”
• [44:16] – “I felt a physical pain, never mind the mental pain that went with all the grief…”
• [46:04] – “We were absolutely so happy to see each other and…we were able to go and sit somewhere and chat and talk about the night.”

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10. Key Timestamps

| Time | Segment | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Night of disaster – setting and initial chaos | | 02:03 | Gillian's first thoughts and search for help | | 10:34 | Close family bonds, context of Gillian’s life | | 14:37 | Gillian regains consciousness, confusion and realization | | 17:41 | Survival instincts, choosing to jump into the sea | | 19:17 | Gillian’s swimming skills crucial for survival | | 23:41 | Shelter found, meeting other survivors in the wreckage | | 26:55 | The bite of cold and creeping threat of hypothermia | | 30:00 | Rescue attempts and missed encounter with helicopter | | 32:22 | Miraculous rescue by fishing vessel | | 36:15 | Gillian’s reunion with brothers Mark and Colin | | 39:47 | Harsh notification of family deaths | | 41:31 | Investigation and safety reforms after disaster | | 43:49 | Gillian steps up as caretaker; enduring pain and healing | | 45:07 | Reunion with fellow child survivor, three decades later |

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11. Episode Tone and Language

The episode is delivered in a clear, dramatic narrative, balancing factual description with raw personal testimony. Gillian’s voice is practical, honest, and vulnerable, making the story intimate and immediate. Host John Hopkins interjects with historical context and measured empathy.

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12. Takeaways

• Survival comes not just from instinct but also from small skills—like swimming—nurtured by loved ones.
• The ripple impacts of disaster linger for decades, shaping lives in ways both visible and unseen.
• Institutional failings can have tragic consequences, but survivor testimony can lead to real change.
• Empathy and connection—reunions, shared grief, support—are sometimes all that allow survivors to go on.

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For listeners:
If you want a deeply affecting account of not only disaster survival but its lifelong consequences—and the small acts of courage that make survival possible—this is a must-listen.

Transcript

[Narrator]

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[Gillian Lashbrook]

There was debris around in the sea and I was looking for something to hang on to to help me float because with the wind or the waves were really quite high and they were crashing over my head.

[Narrator]

Jillian gives up on finding something to cling onto. She kicks off her heavy boots and starts to swim, battling against the currents and the winds. But swimming fully clothed isn't easy, especially in a thick jacket and long denim skirt. Eventually, her muscles throbbing with exertion, she stops treading water. She turns to look behind her. There, silhouetted against the dark evening sky, is the ferry that she was on just moments ago before the unthinkable happened. She's only swum a few hundred yards, but from this distance it's now possible to take in the entire terrible spectacle.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

It wasn't too far, but it was still far enough for me be able to turn around and see the full scope of the ferry on the side. That's when you really realize then, yeah, things have gone terribly wrong.

[Narrator]

Ever wondered what you would do when disaster strikes if your life depended on your next decision? Could you make the right choice. Welcome to Real Survival Stories. These are the astonishing tales of ordinary people thrown into extraordinary situations. People suddenly forced to fight for their lives. In this episode, we meet Gillian Lashbrook in March 1987. Gillian is 16 years old and on a day trip to Belgium with her mom, stepdad, uncle and two stepbrothers. At the end of a day's sightseeing, the family from Liverpool board the ferry to take them home to England. But tragedy will intervene.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

All of a sudden I was looking down into the water and I could see that the ferry was going downwards into the water. And I thought, oh, must be imagining that. It just doesn't look real.

[Narrator]

When a catastrophic oversight causes the ferry to start taking on water, the vessel and its 450passengers will be pitched into chaos. Suddenly, alone, Jillian will find herself fighting for survival in the bitterly cold waters of the North Sea.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I was just so frightened and cold and I knew the only way to survive would be to swim. My mum has always taught me to swim and I knew it'd be the only way that I'd be able to save my life.

[Narrator]

Facing life or death decisions, she'll have to summon a resilience, courage and composure far beyond her years.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

It was just unbelievable. It was just so unreal. It was only when I realized what actually was happening, I knew then that I had to fight for my own life.

[Narrator]

I'm John Hopkins from the Noiser Podcast Network. This is Real survival stories. It's 5pm on Friday, March 6, 1987. A ferry is docked in the port of Zeebrugge, Belgium, waiting to shuttle its passengers across the water to England. The Herald of Free Enterprise is a large ship weighing almost 8,000 tons and measuring 400ft from prow to stern. On board there's a restaurant, a gift shop and a cinema room spread across its eight spacious decks. Every day, the Herald completes two round trips between Dover and Zeebrugge, a short crossing of around four hours. Weather permitting, this evening's departure is the final sailing of the day. Most of the passengers waiting to board are holiday makers, day trippers and tour groups returning to England after sightseeing on the continent. At the ferry terminal, a slow moving line of cars inches its way up the loading ramp. Sitting on the back seat of her parents camper van, Gillian Lashbrook rests her head against the window, watching the rain slide down the glass. Gillian and her family traveled down from Liverpool yesterday in time to catch the morning ferry from Kent to Belgium. Their outing has been slightly marred by the wet weather. As it turns Out. Belgium in the rain is about as exciting as England in the rain, but still, it takes a lot to dampen the spirits of this family and they had a merry old time. Despite the drizzle now, Julian is looking forward to the final leg of this trip.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I was glad to get back onto the ferry, really, because the weather was so bad that day and being on the ferry was always quite fun, really, because there's lots of things to keep youngsters interested and entertained and my mum always spoiled us. We'll let us go down to the souvenir shop and we'd have our dinner there and it was always quite fun, really. And again, obviously we were all together and we always had fun together because Scousers were really good at having fun.

[Narrator]

In the seats beside her, Gillian's stepbrothers, Colin and Mark, laugh and chatter alongside their uncle David. Up front, her mum Eileen and stepdad Keith chuckle along with the antics on the backseat. Gillian turns back to the window, smiling. Half an hour later, they've made it on board with the campervan parked on the vehicle deck. The family is now sitting in a lounge area near the back of the vessel, waiting for the ferry to disembark. Julian looks out of the window. It's not yet six, but already getting dark, as if the day can't wait to be over. Somewhere, a foghorn blasts. The vibrations hum up through the floor as the ship starts its engines. The youngsters scatter, excited to explore.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

My mum was about to give me some money to go and get something to eat in the cafe and I said I'll be back in a minute. I just want to go and have a look outside first.

[Narrator]

Gillian heads upstairs on her own, pushing through a door onto the upper stern deck at the rear of the ship. A cold blast of briny air greets her as she steps outside, her long, fair hair tousled by the wind. She buttons up her denim jacket and hugs herself as she walks over to the railing. She leans against it, shivering slightly, gazing out at the receding lights of Zeebrugge as the ferry slips its moorings. In many respects, Gillian is a typical 16 year old, bright and sociable. When she isn't listening to music or out shopping with her mates, she's revising for her upcoming O level exams. In other ways, however, she's quite exceptional. While many of her friends might shudder at the prospect of a rainy day cooped up in a campervan with their families, Gillian is different. She genuinely enjoys spending time with hers, even her brothers, all four of them, including Mark and Colin. That bond is rooted in the way they came into her life suddenly all at once in a whirlwind of change. When her mum remarried.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I was always very close to my mum. She was my natural mother and my father, he was my stepfather. We got together when I was five and everybody just blended as a light nice family, me and all my stepbrothers. It was lovely to have other children to play with as I was an only child originally. I went from being an only child and having four stepbrothers so I had a lot of playmates all of a sudden. It was just great.

[Narrator]

At the heart of this tight knit family is Gillian's mum, Eileen.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

My mum was just a lovely lady. She was a your typical Scouse lady, shall we say. And she was really funny and she really was a good mom. She loved her children. She was a homemaker. She used to work for my dad as well through his business. Used to sell cash registers for a living and my mum used to do all the accountancy and things like that for him.

[Narrator]

Gillian's stepfather, Keith, a warm and charismatic salesman, occasionally brings her along with him on sales trips, showing his teenage stepdaughter the ropes so that she too might someday join family business.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I was looking forward to leaving school and I was gonna go to college but my mum had plans for me to go into my d dad's business. He used to teach me how to to do his job. So that's a reason why he took me out with him as well. So he trained me up to be able to help him one day once I'd left school.

[Narrator]

It's about 20 past 6. Gillian rests her forearms against the railing, watching the V shaped wake widen as the ferry chugs out of harbor. In the fading twilight, the waves appear dark and menacing, the light from the boat catching on their foamy crests. The sea isn't particularly rough, but the cold, wet weather makes the water look forbidding. A frigid gray mass with webs of white lacing the peaks and troughs.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

Well, looking at the white spray that the ferry was giving off and holding onto the white railings. And I was looking down into the water and I could see that the ferry was going downwards into the sea. It just looked unreal. I'm saying to myself, I must be imagining it.

[Narrator]

She looks more closely. The surface of the sea seems to be rising up towards her as the stern of the boat sits lower in the water. Is it an optical illusion? Some peculiar trick of the light? Gillian looks around for someone to notify. But the deck's deserted. She's the only one up here. She looks back down at the water. She can't be imagining things. The ship's stern really does seem to be sinking, causing the deck she's standing on to tilt. A lump of panic forms in her throat. She's about to spin around and run back inside when suddenly there is a powerful knee buckling jot. Gillian is thrown off her feet and collides head first with a solid metal wall. The impact knocks her out cold.

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[Narrator]

When Jillian opens her eyes, her world has been thrown into disarray.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I came back around and realized when everything was the wrong way around. I knew that it was real then. Something terribly wrong had happened.

[Narrator]

In the eerie darkness, it's hard to make sense of our surroundings. Everything seems off, as if the universe has been inverted. Gillian is lying flat on her back on something cold and hard high above her head. She can make out a length of railings protruding horizontally from the now vertical deck of the ship. Somewhere to her left, she can hear the hiss and crash of the waves. They sound unnervingly, impossibly close. Gillian holds herself up, teeth chattering, her face flecked with ocean spray. Something awful has happened, that much is clear, but it takes several moments for the reality to sink in. The only possible explanation for why the world has been tipped sideways. The ferry must have capsized with every passenger still trapped inside. Every passenger, it seems, except Gillian.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

The shepherd settled by then, and that's when I thought, I've got to try and get back into the ferry because I need to get back to my mum.

[Narrator]

When the ship capsized, Gillian must have been hurled sideways into an outer wall that is where she has ended up. Stranded alone on a crumpled metal platform jutting out at a right angle from the upturned deck. She staggers to her feet, head throbbing, and starts gingerly feeling her way in the darkness.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

All I was thinking, I just wanted to get back inside the ship, to the safety of my mum and my family. It wasn't rational in a way, because when you think back, it was impossible to get back inside the ferry. I was actually trapped outside on my own.

[Narrator]

The fairy's power must have gone out because there's no light coming from anywhere. Gillian fumbles blindly, her heart racing, trying to find some entryway back inside to her family. But it's no use. She can feel nothing except the cold, metallic solidness of the ship's exterior. Under her feet. The foundering vessel lists and judders. Deep sonorous groans rise from below the waterline. The sound of steel girders bending, of beams and bulkheads twisting and buckling. Gillian grabs hold of the nearest secure looking object and clings to it tightly as the ferry lurches in the waves. Are they now going under? For the last few minutes, instinct has been compelling Gillian back inside, back to her family. But now a different instinct takes over. It directs her not inside the ship, but away from it.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I think the survival skills took over really, because you've just got that need for self preservation. You need to look after yourself. And that's when I decided that the only safe thing to do at that point was to jump into the sea.

[Narrator]

It's about 6:30pm, about a kilometer off the coast of Belgium. Perilously positioned on the side of the capsized ferry, Jillian shuffles over to the edge of the platform. Wind and spring spray sting her face as she squints down through the freezing mist. In the gloom, it's hard to tell how high up she is. 10ft, 20. She doesn't pause too long to deliberate. Jillian plants her feet, bends her knees and hurls herself forward. She hits the surface and plunges straight down, slicing through the blackness, weighed down by her thick clothes and heavy leather boots. She opens her eyes and looks up. The surface is way, way above her, dimly illuminated by the sky's residual twilight. Perhaps it should have occurred to her to remove her boots before jumping. They're like anchors on her feet, pulling her down. She starts to kick and crawl, scrambling up through the dark water.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I think it was just a natural instinct to survive more than anything. I was always lucky that my mum had taught me to swim from a young age. It was Always important for my mum to teach us to swim, obviously, because if you ever got into trouble in water, then you knew how to survive. I used to have to help my mum in swimming pools too, because she used to wear contact lenses. So when she took her contact lenses out when we went to swimming pools, I was the one that used to guide my mom around.

[Narrator]

All those hours spent at the local swimming pool are now paying dividends. Gillian powers back to the surface. Finally, her head breaches the waterline. She takes off her boots and starts to swim away from the ferry, away from the possibility of being dragged down in the sinking ship's wake. When she feels like she's reached a safe distance, she stops and turns.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I looked back then and I could see the ferry had capsized. I could really see what had happened and it was just surreal. It was unbelievable to see. And I could hear people screaming then as well. At the same time, some people had been able to escape through windows and were being pulled up through windows. And I could hear people screaming and shouting for the family.

[Narrator]

It's a terrifying sight, accompanied by a chorus of horrific sounds. The hulking 400 foot long passenger ferry lies on its side, part submerged, flat against the heaving surface of the waves. What does this catastrophe mean for the people still trapped inside? For now, Gillian can do nothing except focus on herself. She turns back in the direction of land. The lights of Zeebrugge twinkle on the shoreline, bobbing in and out of view as she rises and falls with the waves. It's probably no more than a thousand meters, but Gillian is already tiring. Her denim skirt and jacket are saturated, adding pounds of extra weight. If she tries to swim to shore, she might drown. And so she picks the lesser of two evils and turns back towards the carnage of the capsized ferry.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

It's not a case of thinking things through. It's just a quick decision. I decided it'd be better for my safety to go back into the ferry. That was the only thing I could think of because there was nothing around me which was helping me to keep afloat. And I knew that the waves that were crashing over my head would probably get the better of me if it didn't have something to hang onto.

[Narrator]

She swims back in the direction she came. After traveling 100ft or so, muscles searing, eyes burning from the salt water, she stops and glances up. The fairy's silhouette looms over her. She is staring up at what used to be the top deck, now tilted onto its side. Everything juts out at odd angles. The stanchions walkways and radio masts, all upended, transfigured into a confusing three dimensional puzzle. Meanwhile, Gillian's energy is being drained by treading water when she spots a tight gap between two protruding walls. She swims for it, desperate to find a place to shelter from the waves. Tentatively, she approaches the opening. When she's paddled close enough, she reaches out and grabs hold of what appears to be some kind of railing and pulls herself forward into the gap. She's in a sort of flooded passageway with no floor to stand on, only cold, black water. Vertical steel walls enclose her on both sides. Overhead, pieces of nautical equipment swing with the motion of the listing ferry. Ropes, hooks and pipes creaking and clanging with each wave. The water in the passage swells like a cave on a beach at high tide. In danger of being sucked back out to sea, Gillian quickly devises a solution.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

There was a hook sticking out from the side, and I thought it'd be a good idea to hook myself onto it to keep me afloat so I wouldn't get carried away with the sea.

[Narrator]

It's a brilliant stroke of quick thinking. With the hook fastened to her skirt, Gillian manages to secure herself in place. It gives her a modicum of respite. Her limbs still need to work gently, kicking and paddling to stay afloat, but the strain is eased. A few moments pass, and then she hears something. Shallow, halting breaths. The sound of somebody shivering in the darkness next to her. She isn't alone. Gillian turns, staring down the flooded passage, her eyes straining as her vision adjusts to the gloom. Slowly, shapes begin to form. Two faces emerge from the shadows.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

There was a child with a lady there at the side. There was something hanging down from the ferry and she'd managed to climb down it with the child.

[Narrator]

With the child's arms wrapped around her shoulders, the woman makes her way over to Gillian, clinging onto a steel girder for support. They exchange a flurry of frantic words, seeking answers that neither of them have.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

We were talking, asking each other questions. What had happened? Did she know what had happened? And I asked her, how did she get there with the child? I asked questions like, did you see my mum or my dad? Or things like that. We were just so lost. We just didn't understand what had happened because it was just too unreal to fathom.

[Narrator]

The woman tells her that when the fairy capsized, it was chaos. The lights went out and in the darkness, the roar of the sea pouring in through the shattered windows was deafening. She was lucky she managed to find a way out. Which was when she spotted the child, lost and alone. Without hesitation, the woman picked her up and carried her down the side of the ship, searching for a safe place to wait for rescue. As the woman speaks, Gillian glances down at the little girl. She can't be older than four. She is completely silent, her eyes wide and unblinking, a pale face peering out between dark curls. When the woman finishes her story, silence descends over the trio. They huddled close, Gillian and the woman, taking it in turns to hold the girl and settle in for what is bound to be an agonizing wait. Gillian's teeth chatter violently as the sea drains what little warmth remains in her body. Before reaching this enclave. The adrenaline had largely stopped her from feeling the cold, but she feels it now, sharp and unrelenting.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I knew it was only a matter of time, because of the cold more than anything, because we just couldn't feel our hands and feet. And I knew that was obviously the first thing of what happens when your body starts to shut down with the extreme cold.

[Narrator]

With the little girl's arms around her neck, Gillian reaches above her head and grabs hold of something secure, a steel beam or railing. The denim of her skirt strains against the hook holding her in place. She closes her eyes and tries to keep her breathing steady.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I was just thinking of home in my mind. I was just wanting to be back at home in our lounge with the fire on and the TV and being all together at home as a family. And that's all I was thinking of, is the comfort of my home with my family at the time. And I just wanted to be back there.

[Narrator]

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[Gillian Lashbrook]

Every story you love, every invention that moves you, every idea you wished was.

[Narrator]

Yours, all began as nothing. Just a blank page with a blinking.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

Cursor asking a simple question.

[Narrator]

What do you see?

[Gillian Lashbrook]

Great ideas.

[Narrator]

Start on Mac. Find out more on apple.com Mac It's 30 minutes later. Jillian and her two companions hold onto each other in the darkness, their quiet whimpers echoing around the cramped passageway. The bite of the cold goes bone deep. Jillian lifts a hand out of the water and peers at her gray, pruned skin. She blows on her fingers to warm them up, but it has little effect. Her breath is thin and cold as ice. It's starting to feel like rescue will never come, when suddenly Jillian looks around to the entrance of the opening. Through it, she can hear the unmistakable roar of an approaching helicopter. She turns excitedly to the young woman and the little girl just as the probing beam of a searchlight flashes across the opening, illuminating their startled faces.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

When I could hear and see the helicopters flying above us, it was a sense of relief. I thought, oh, we're going to get rescued now, obviously, people know what's happened and people have come to try and save us.

[Narrator]

A thrum of the rotus fades and rises as the aircraft circles. Jillian wades across to the entrance of the opening. She shouts and waves at the sky. But the helicopter passes back and forth, never lingering above their position for more than a few seconds. After a while, an uncomfortable truth starts to dawn.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

Unfortunately, where we were, they couldn't see us, and we were waving our arms and shouting for help. But after a few passings, I said, they can't see us because we're too hidden. We're out of view.

[Narrator]

There's only one thing for it. Gillian is going to have to swim back out into open water to a place where she may be spotted. She turns to her companions and tells them what she plans to do. The young woman doesn't want her to go. She shakes her head and urges Gillian not to leave them. But she assures the woman and the little girl that she's not abandoning them. This is their only hope.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

They were shouting and shouting at me to not leave them. I felt really, really guilty. But I reassured them that they will be coming to come and save you. But I had to. Had to be saved myself first for them to go back to get them afterwards.

[Narrator]

Jillian turns away and pushes herself through the opening, back into the waves. The sea roils and churns all around her, and it takes every ounce of strength she has just to stay afloat. She flails her arms and screams, her open mouth filling with water flooding her lungs. Amid the barrage of waves, she loses sight of the helicopter. But then Gillian finds herself blinking into a dazzling white light. Materializing out of the mist is a fishing boat, its crew peering into the water, their torch beam trained directly on Gillian.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

They pointed at me and they. They shouted over that, that they were going to come and get me. But I was able to just swim that last little bit to the boat, and I think that was the last of my energy. They had to pull me up on the boat because that's when my energy had just gone. I think all my energy had been used up just surviving.

[Narrator]

She collapses onto the deck of the fishing boat, racked with shuddering convulsions, coughing seawater under the boots of the Belgian fishermen. Gillian uses the very last dregs of her strength to point back over to the ferry to where the young woman and the little girl are still awaiting rescue.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I was physically showing them with my hand. I was like, they're in there. That's where I came from. And they're in there and they're hanging on. They're waiting there to be helped themselves.

[Narrator]

The fishermen assure Jillian they'll return for her two companions, but it's obvious she's in a critical condition. Hypothermia has taken hold and unless they get her to safety immediately, she may not survive. Gillian's protestations are drowned out by the roar of the motor as the boat turns away from the ferry and speeds off into the night. A few moments later, the fishing boat arrives at a larger rescue vessel where other survivors from the ferry sit on deck, swaddled in thick blankets. Gillian is hoisted aboard and whisked below deck.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

Somebody else picked me up and took me down into an engine room and they plonked me over a warm engine and said, you need to go onto this warm engine to try and get some warmth back into your body.

[Narrator]

Jillian lies there curled up on a blanket spread across the softly rumbling engine. Slowly her shivers ease, her jaw unclenches and her teeth stop chattering. But as her body warms up, a new, even more terrifying sensation takes hold.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

It felt nice to be warm again, but it was more the feeling of being alone and coming to grasps with what had happened and wondering what was going to happen next. More than anything, wondering who was alive if my family had made it. Just hoping and praying that my family had made it.

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[Narrator]

Other survivors huddled together have joined Gillian down in the rescue ship's engine room. Despite searching the group, she hasn't found a single familiar face. Then she hears it. A voice she knows calling her name. She glances around and sees her older brother Mark rushing towards her.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

We just hugged and cried and I asked him if he'd seen Mum and he said no, he hadn't seen her. He didn't know himself who had survived. I asked him about my younger brother, Colin, and I said, he's seen Colin and he said, no, I've only just seen you. I don't know what's happened to anybody else yet.

[Narrator]

It's not the news either sibling had hoped for, but at least they have each other. Gillian and Mark hold onto each other as the rescue boat turns and heads back to the Belgian coast. They're brought to the local hospital in Zeebrugge, where emergency provisions have been hastily made available for the rescued ferry passengers. It's a manic scene that greets them as they're ushered through the brightly lit corridors which overflow with dazed looking patients and clipboard wielding nurses. In the melee, Gillian and Mark somehow get separated. Gillian is lifted onto a stretcher and wheeled off to an empty room. She spends the rest of the night in there, still in her wet clothes, cold, alone and sick with worry. In the morning, after finally being provided with some shoes and something dry to wear, she's taken by bus to a nearby military base. There, hospital beds have been set up in a hangar to deal with the fallout of the disaster. Shortly after arriving at the base, Gillian spots Mark through the crowd. They stick closely together as they wait for news about the others. Then later that morning, another glimmer of hope.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

After a few hours, my younger stepbrother, Colin, he came and I was just so overjoyed to see Colin because I was actually closest with my younger brother Colin, so I was absolutely over the moon that he'd survived. And we hugged and asked each other what had happened and if they knew any information.

[Narrator]

It's clear by now that the death toll from the ferry disaster is catastrophic. Gillian clings to her brothers for comfort as they await any news about the rest of their family. But they hear nothing.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

We were just so worried about the family, wondering if they were alive or not. We couldn't even eat either, you Know, we were given food, but basically we were a mess at the time. We were so emotional with what had happened to us. Ourselves as well. Every time other survivors came through the doors, we were hoping it was our family members. And we just kept on waiting for our family members to appear, but they didn't.

[Narrator]

It's late afternoon by the time news arrives. Gillian, Mark and Colin are sitting side by side among the hundreds of other distraught survivors. A harried looking official approaches them.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

Somebody from the Red Cross came over with a clipboard, asked who we were and told her our names. And we asked if they have any information and she said, oh, you do know that your parents are dead, don't you? And I said, no, no. And she said, yeah, they are, they are dead. And it was as blunt as that. And I just couldn't take it in. I was like, how do you know? Are you sure it's got to be wrong, this? And she said, no, they are the dead. And it was basically a tick off the box and moved on to another table. And we were just sat between ourselves in disbelief.

[Narrator]

Later, her uncle will also be named among the fatalities. Numb with shock, Gillian is asked to identify the bodies, which she does. First her stepfather and then her mother.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I was absolutely devastated. I just couldn't take it in. It was just unbelievable. All my hopes were dashed. And I said to the person, kind of touch my mum. And they said, no, you can't touch her. But I still did. I defied them and I rubbed her shoulder and I told her how much I loved her and I would miss her. And I said, one more time, I love you, and walked away.

[Narrator]

The capsizing of the ferry off the coast of Zeebrugge remains one of the worst maritime disasters in European history, with 193 people losing their lives. In the immediate aftermath, an investigation is launched into how the vessel could have capsized so suddenly, so soon after leaving the port. It's determined that the ferry disembarked with its bow doors open, a critical oversight which allowed seawater to flood the car deck, causing a rapid loss of stability. The suddenness of the disaster was what made it so deadly. The vessel fully capsized in a matter of minutes, giving crew members no time to launch lifeboats and leaving a majority of the 450 passengers trapped with no escape from the rising. In the years since, new measures have been put in place to improve safety standards aboard. Roll on, roll off. Ferries, alarms, sensors and CCTV have all been added to ensure doors are closed before departure. Car decks are redesigned with Watertight barriers to limit flooding across the board, the industry shifts towards better designs and safety protocols that account for human error. That's all to come. For now, Gillian and her brothers, like so many others from the ferry, are simply left to reckon with the loss of their loved ones. The day after they identify their parents bodies, the siblings return home to Liverpool, where nothing is like it was before.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

My auntie came to stay with us for a week and I remember saying to her, I just don't know how to carry on now. I don't know what to do. I was hurting so much. I felt like my heart was exploding. My heart hurt so much with the grief. And I always remember her telling me that the time is a great healer.

[Narrator]

Remarkably, Gillian manages to take her exams that summer. But after finishing school, she doesn't go to work as previously planned. With her mom gone, she's expected to look after the household.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I became the mother of the family. I was the one that took over the mother role. I started to look after all my brothers. I learned how to cook and clean and I had looked after everybody else.

[Narrator]

With the support of her remaining family, her brother's aunt and grandmother, Gillian struggles on, contending every day with a grief that sometimes feels unbearable.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I felt a physical pain, never mind the mental pain that went with all the grief. Over time, it gradually eased. And I just remember one day, two or three years later, I thought, I haven't thought about that today. And I thought, that's me getting over the grief. When I knew that I hadn't thought about it for that one day, I hadn't remembered it. I was actually just living my young life.

[Narrator]

And so life carries on. Gillian has children of her own, but memories of what happened that night do still linger. In particular, there is the question of what happened to the young woman and little girl, the people she sheltered with in the wreckage of the capsized ship.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

I always wondered if they had survived themselves and there was always a bit of an element of guilt that I'd left them. Somebody did find out that they both survived and were able to tell me that they had survived and would I be happy to be reunited. And obviously, I was overjoyed to be reunited.

[Narrator]

In March 2017, 30 years on from the disaster, Gillian is invited to share her story on a popular UK TV breakfast show, live on air. She's introduced to the little girl, now a woman in her mid-30s, with whom she shares an emotional reunion. But it's off camera, away from the eyes of the nation, where Gillian and her fellow survivor can probably talk about what happened that night and through talking continue the process towards healing.

[Gillian Lashbrook]

We were absolutely so happy to see each other and once the show had finished, we were able to go and sit somewhere and chat and talk about the night. And she remembered things differently to me. And she was just a young child and she was in shock at the time. Her memories were different to mine and she asked me questions and I was able to fill in the gaps for her. Also. It was very healing for us to to have to have been reunited.

[Narrator]

In the next episode, we meet British backpacker Matt Scott. In September 2003. The 19 year old is nearing the end of his gap year, having spent the past seven months traveling around South America. With just eight days remaining before his flight home, he signs up for a guided trek to the Lost City, an archaeological site nestled deep in the jungle clad mountains of northern Colombia. But the trip takes a sinister turn as late one night, a mysterious group of armed men storm his camp. As he and his fellow tourists are forced out of bed and into the dark jungle, Matt will be left to wonder, who are these men and what do they want? Does he follow orders and do as they command, or does he take his chances against the jungle and run? That's next time on REAL SURVIVAL stories. Listen today without waiting and without ads by joining Nozer. Hi listeners, if you have an amazing survival story of your own that you'd like to put forward for the show, let us know. Drop us an [e-mail] that's supportnoiza.com.