
Real Time with Bill Maher, News, Jokes, Politics, Overtime
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Bill Maher
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Van Jones
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Megyn Kelly
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Jared Polis
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Megyn Kelly
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Bill Maher
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Megyn Kelly
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Jared Polis
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Bill Maher
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Megyn Kelly
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Bill Maher
Okay, fine.
Megyn Kelly
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Jared Polis
Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late night series Real Time with Bill Ma. Hello. How you doing? Hello. Thank you so much. Thank you very much. I know what a time it is. Thank you. I love that. Okay, all right. Thank you, please. You got such a big show. All right. Thank you, please. All right. Okay. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love, thank you so much. I know it's the excitement in the air. It's not even me. It's just the time of year we're going to get to all the politics before that. It's Halloween weekend. And you know, people in this town love Halloween. Not the kids, they're over it, but the adults. I've already seen so many people out wearing crazy makeup and trying to scare people. What Trump calls campaigning Camilla also in the Halloween mood. She loves it when, she loves it when the little kids come up on her porch and say those three little words, please don't shoot. But look, I'm sticking with my prediction that Kamala's going to win this one. But, you know, it's going to, don't get excited because we don't know. Okay. And people are getting, their support is getting very nervous. They can just, they just, you know, can't put their finger on it, but just feel something is wrong. Like when Doug, Doug Emhoff drives the babysitter home. There you go. See, we laugh at all sides here. And that's good. But yeah, there's a time of the year when they give their closing arguments. Kamala's is basically, we are not going backward. Trump's close argument seems to be, I work at McDonald's and Arnold Palmer has a big dick. I, I, I don't really get that argument. But, you know, here's the thing. Don't go crazy about this. I mean, all on the left they just go crazy about. He's talking about Arnold Palmer's dicks. Oh, fucking what? This is what his people like about him. They just get a kick out of him. But everywhere else it was msnbc. This is terr cnn. It's awful. Lindsey Graham said how big Trump seems to be obsessed with one idea in the closing weeks, that Kamala Harris must prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that she worked at McDonald's in 1983. He says it's very suspicious. If she worked there, how come no one saw her and nobody remembers her? Which makes me think maybe she wasn't vice president. Yes, but. But to troll her. He is a troll. I mean, come on. That's just who he is. He went and worked at McDonald's this past weekend. Did you see this? There's the picture and the caption I would put with this one is, want lies with that. But, you know, you just said, don't get crazy about all this side street stuff. Go down the May Avenue. The people who like him, they just get a kick out of him. They think he's more fun. I mean, I don't get it. But it also explains why so many of our movies are about homicidal clowns. What's not funny at all is that so many people in his past administration who know him the best say he's a fascist. He talks like a fascist, he acts like a fascist, he wants to do fascist things. The problem with pointing this out is that's what his fans like about him. That's the real problem. Especially men. He is killing it with men, even minority men. I mean, the big hot new soccer mom this year is Latino men. I'm not kidding. Both sides are trying to. Apparently they're up for grabs and both sides are trying to get them really bad. In fact, Trump, oh, he pulled out all the stops yesterday. He did 10 minutes on Lee Trevino's dick. Oh, and did you see this? The Menendez brothers may be getting out. The Menendez brothers? The Democratic DA here in LA said they are. He's thinking about resentencing them. The charges are going to be reduced back from capital murder to extreme back talk. But, you know, this is kind of what I mean about how Democrats are really not good at politics. Who in the DA's office was like, you know, this would be a good time to release Hispanic murderers. Don't you think this is okay? So this is our last show before the last show before the election. So just know that if Trump does win, he will be the oldest President ever passing. Even Joe Biden. And remember what a bunch of laughs that was. Yeah, let's do that again. But with the sex criminal. That's what we're going to be doing. It would be like rebooting the Cosby show with Bill Cosby. All right, we got a great show. We have Governor Jared Polis of Colorado and Van Jones. But first up, she is a journalist and host of the Megyn Kelly Show. Megyn Kelly's over here. Megan Kelly. Hey, how are you?
Kamala Harris
Good to see you.
Jared Polis
Good to see you. Okay, first of all, you gotta admit something. We have a great crowd here because they're not. They're not voting for the person. Most of them. You are, but they give you a nice hand.
Kamala Harris
Oh, I appreciate it.
Jared Polis
They laugh at jokes that are about the Democrats.
Kamala Harris
Yeah, right.
Jared Polis
I give you. That's not often you see that in television or anywhere.
Kamala Harris
That's what I think most of America is.
Jared Polis
You think most of America. Yeah, a lot of it.
Megyn Kelly
Yeah.
Kamala Harris
I think most of us are still rooting for each other and still laughing at each other's dumb jokes, irrespective of partisan stripes.
Jared Polis
Right. And the reason I think we can be friends is we both think the other one is not stupid. So we want to know how the other one can possibly think the way they do.
Van Jones
Right.
Kamala Harris
Fair enough.
Jared Polis
It's true. You don't think I'm stupid? You're certainly not. Okay, but you know. You know this. I mean, you've even said it that if Trump wins, there will definitely be denialism. I mean, he's only going to say one of two things about if he loses. If he loses, there's only Healy with this. Say it was rigged or it was the most perfect, beautiful election ever.
Kamala Harris
Yeah, that's true.
Jared Polis
That's true. You're admitting that?
Kamala Harris
Yeah.
Jared Polis
And yet you're going to vote for him.
Kamala Harris
Yeah.
Jared Polis
We want to know why.
Kamala Harris
Well, don't think there won't be denialism if Kamala Harris loses, too.
Jared Polis
It won't be the same.
Kamala Harris
Okay, but there's going to be. I mean, they're already laying the foundation for lawfare. We're going to be stuck in this election, one way or the other, no matter who wins, for weeks.
Jared Polis
Well, there's no evidence of that. Democrats have never done that. They've conceded.
Kamala Harris
We already had this fight on my show. Hillary Clinton is the original election denier.
Jared Polis
Yes, she is. Come on, man. It's different between grumbling. Yes, they grumble and they shouldn't. And maybe it goes over the. It's different between grumbling about something and actually trying to overturn it like he did. I mean, you know this. Why do we have to go through this?
Kamala Harris
That's fine. You know, you're allowed to file legal challenges in response to an election, which is what Trump did, and he lost and he did wind up leaving office. I'm not going to defend his behavior on January 6th. I never have and I'm not going to start tonight. But if you don't think there's going to be denialism on the Dem side, you haven't been paying attention to what's been happening on that side for these years. Look, you want to know why I'm going to vote for him notwithstanding what you said? And I'll give you a couple good reasons off the top of my head. Number one, what's happened with illegal immigration? I'm voting for him because I don't want any more Lake and Riley's. I don't want any more Jocelyn Nungaros, the 12 year old girl who was killed in Houston by two Venezuelan illegal immigrants who took her to a bridge and murdered her and threw her over the bridge.
Jared Polis
And Americans have ever done that?
Kamala Harris
That's not the point. We have to take the Americans. We don't have to take it from Venezuelan illegals.
Jared Polis
Okay, I agree with you. I agree we took on too many immigrants. But the idea that you take in immigrants, I would assume you concede we should do that to a degree. We should take in people from other countries. We take in like a million legal every year.
Kamala Harris
Legal is not.
Jared Polis
Any time you've taken a million people, some of them are going to commit crimes like of any group.
Kamala Harris
Do you have any idea how many illegals we let in under Biden Harris?
Jared Polis
Okay, so that's your issue.
Kamala Harris
That's one of them. 10.4 million. At least that's what Customs and Border Patrol says. It's probably more. That doesn't count the gotaways. 10.4. You know how many it was under Trump? 2.3.
Jared Polis
But that's more important than democracy.
Kamala Harris
And like that is democracy. What is America if we let in another 20 million illegals who come into your community, who overrun your town, who endanger you, who take up social service money so that your community center closes so that you can't pay for basic services for your townsmen.
Jared Polis
We're talking about size of things like Arnold Palmer. I mean, I'm not saying. I'm not saying you don't have a point. I'm just saying it's hard for people to understand why that which is not democracy, that's the border issue. And you're right, they fucked it up that with, like, the things he's been saying and all the people in his administration who said he's a fascist, he wants to be a fascist, he talks like a fascist, his friends are all dictators.
Kamala Harris
I don't care about that at all. Not at all. Because January 6th was not good.
Jared Polis
Wait, why don't you care about that at all?
Kamala Harris
Because they've been saying that about Trump for years. They've been saying that about Republican candidates for years. It goes. It has, like, a long, storied history. If you are at all center or center right, you are used to having your candidate of choice completely demonized, whether it's the F word, the R word, the misogynist word. They tried to tell us Mitt Romney was a raging sexist because of binders full of women. They tried to tell us John McCain was a raging racist, notwithstanding the fact that he had adopted a daughter from Bangladesh. They've been doing this for every Republican they get to Trump, and we no longer are listening to them. Trump has incendiary rhetoric, there's no question. But we have four years to judge him by. And the country was going pretty well when Trump was in there, unlike the four years we've had under these two.
Jared Polis
Well, I mean, I could argue with that, too, actually. If Trump had this economy, and I could go through all the stats, the stock market is through the roof. Wages are up, not as high as.
Kamala Harris
It was under Trump.
Jared Polis
Well, first of all, Trump inherited somebody else's economy.
Kamala Harris
That's what Barack Obama would like us to do.
Jared Polis
Well, it's true.
Kamala Harris
Okay.
Jared Polis
It's really. On day one, everything changed.
Kamala Harris
So just walk me through it. So Trump has Obama to thank his economy, but Biden can't thank Trump for anything.
Jared Polis
Okay, let's get off this, because it's not what I really want to get to again. I just feel like, you see these issues that are like the kind of everyday issues that we go through and have always gone through.
Kamala Harris
We never let 20 million illegals in the country, and it's probably more like 20. We don't have a country anymore if we don't have a border. And she's not for a secure border, no matter what she's saying right now. That's number one. But can I get to my number two? Almost equally important, maybe as important, is what we're doing to our children with this trans insanity. I mean, this is almost my single issue. We are chopping off the healthy body parts of young children without 100%. We are doing that. Well, we are definitely doing that without any inquisition.
Jared Polis
That's what it is. Intuitive. I don't know what the ooing is about.
Kamala Harris
I don't either. Pay attention because I'm about to give you a truth bomb. Kids who are suffering from bullying or who have been sexually assaulted or who are going through normal puberty and feel uncomfortable in their bodies will say to their parents, I'm not sure, maybe I'm gender confused. They will send them into a psychiatrist or psychologist who are told by our organizations, the American Psychiatry association and all the others that run their licensing, you must affirm. Affirm is the only standard. And so the child gets told, you're right, you are secretly a boy, or vice versa. And the child gets put on puberty blockers into cross sex hormones which sterilize a child and deprive the child of any chance of sexual pleasure for the rest of his or her life. We're talking about 9, 10, 11 year olds who cannot give informed consent. Then they have body parts chopped off by a medical establishment and by parents who mean well but believe in these doctors and they shouldn't. And when they inevitably get past the awkwardness of puberty or what have you and they want to turn around and detransition those who love bomb them on Reddit saying, come on in, the water's fine, abandon them. They are depressed. They have changed their bodies forever in a way that is irreversible. And we are all sitting back saying it's a remote issue. As Kamala Harris said, it's not remote. It's the issue of our time, both with respect to children and women's rights.
Jared Polis
Well, let's back up a little on that just so people have some perspective on this. Yes. I mean, there's, I think 500,000 people in high school who identify as trans right now. I think there's. It's something like 3.3% who say, what?
Kamala Harris
It's a social contagion.
Jared Polis
Okay, I would agree with a lot of what you're saying because I think your bodily health comes first. And also there have been two recent reports. There was the Cass report in England. And just so people again have perspective on this. We're the only country that still does it this way.
Megyn Kelly
Right.
Jared Polis
We've stopped all the other countries that they have that, you know, liberals always look to for the liberal guidance. England, the Scandinavian countries, they're not like what we do.
Kamala Harris
That's right. They Were.
Jared Polis
They were.
Kamala Harris
And then they realized there's no evidence that it helps. And actually, there's a lot of evidence that it hurts. And they stopped.
Jared Polis
And there was this report just in the New York Times yesterday. And, you know, for the New York Times to put this out says something because they're pretty woke on these kind of issues. And there was this woman, Dr. Olson Kennedy, who is for doing puberty blockers. And she basically buried a report for 10 years because she said, you know, it could be used in court. Well, isn't that why we do studies?
Kamala Harris
Right.
Jared Polis
Because we want to find out what the answer is. And. But you do concede, or. I'm asking if you concede that there are people who are trans or who are.
Kamala Harris
Yeah.
Jared Polis
Okay. So you under.
Kamala Harris
I mean, I have some in my family. I have nothing against people who actually have gender dysphoria.
Jared Polis
Right.
Kamala Harris
And are sincerely wrestling with that. And I would respect them and be kind to them. And as I have been. This is a different issue. This is about children, and then it's about women's spaces and sports and that.
Jared Polis
There is so much fluidity in childhood. And I mean, I was insane when I was a child. I remember it. I hated everything about my life. Going to high school, I was depressed all the time. I was beaten up and worried about ostracism and a million other things. I don't know what would have happened if someone said the answer to your problem is that you're really not a boy or whatever. Right.
Kamala Harris
That you need to have biased to.
Jared Polis
Do something so permanent at a time when things are in such flux that we are letting the ideology and the politics get ahead of good science, which is ironic. It's easy to follow the science people. So I understand that. But again, this is more important to you than fascism? I mean, it was in the news this week.
Kamala Harris
What?
Jared Polis
Wait a second. Let me ask the. In the news this week. I mean, we thought when the Ukraine war started, Putin would be isolated. He's not isolated. He had the Brics Nation. That's. That's.
Kamala Harris
Yeah, I saw it.
Jared Polis
That's Brazil, Russia, India, China, South Africa, and now four or five other countries. It's about half the world's population, about 35% of the GDP. He's got North Korean troops in his war in Ukraine now. He's very chummy with China. China and Russia always hated each other. Not anymore. And Iran, these are the dictator countries. There's a very World War II feeling here when the dictator countries are getting together. I mean, In World War II, what did Hitler and the Japanese have in common? Nothing. Except they saw the world one way. Fascism. They all have to do it in their different way. Iran is a fascist country in their own way. So is China. So is Russia, Saudi Arabia, you could say. Also, somehow the world seems to be dividing between the good guy countries, the democratic countries, and these autocracies. And if your guy gets in, we're going to be on the wrong side of this one.
Kamala Harris
Okay, if my guy gets in, I think we'll go back to the time that we had when he was president, which is the only time we didn't start a war and get involved in a war. Did Putin?
Jared Polis
That's not true. Jimmy Carter never fired a shot.
Kamala Harris
Putin did not invade Ukraine until Biden took over. We had the disastrous withdrawal from Afghanistan, which projected weakness through the world. People understood that we were in feeble, and that is what was provocative. Weakness is provocative. Trump destabilized these people. They didn't know what to expect of him. Next thing you know, he's bombing Soleimani. Trump did strategic strikes that had people on their heels. They didn't know what he might do to them. And we did not have Putin invade.
Jared Polis
What he might do to us. That I'm a little more worried about. I feel like you.
Kamala Harris
What if we've had four years of Trump? We've had four years of Trump. Trump did not go after his political enemies with the Department of Justice. That was Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.
Jared Polis
Well, we had four. We had Hitler in the 30s and things were okay. And then we had Hitler in the 40s, and they got way worse just because we had him.
Kamala Harris
He hit his Hitler in the first four years and is going to come out in full force.
Jared Polis
He tried to do things like that. He tried to do dictatorial fascist. He actually did, and he was stopped.
Kamala Harris
Joe Biden has flouted the law when it comes to the student loan giveaway programs, allowed Supreme Court opinions that told him he didn't have the right to do it. And he openly said, I will get around the Supreme Court. He did it with respect to rent abatement programs. The same exact thing. And then he and Kamala Harris unleashed this Department of Justice against their political enemy, Donald Trump, their number one chief rival for the presidency.
Jared Polis
Okay, well, is it funny?
Kamala Harris
Because they did it. You want to talk fascism? That's fascist.
Jared Polis
I think history is not going to be kind to your point of view, but I appreciate you coming on and saying thank you, Megan. All right, Megan Kelly, time for our panel. I Did what I could, guys. All right. He is the 43rd governor of Colorado and chair of the National Governors Association, Jared Polish.
Van Jones
Jared.
Jared Polis
He is a CNN host and author of the Van Jones substac, Van the Man Jones. All right, I'm going to get back to this fascist up at the second half of our show. But right now, since I, since I have two Democratic surrogates. Are you both official surrogates? I would say, if not official here.
Van Jones
In our personal capacity, Bill.
Jared Polis
I see. All right, so this is the time of year when we look at where it's going to break in the race, who's going to break which way. And what I'm reading is young Latino men, black men. These are the ones they're both going after, that they worry about. And of course, all three of those groups are going to vote pretty much heavily for Harris, but not as much as in other years for the Democrats is what they're saying. And elections have won on the margins. My question for you two Democrat non surrogates is these are the groups that are supposed to be in the bag for the Democrats. Why so much trouble with the in the bag groups?
Megyn Kelly
Do you want to go?
Van Jones
I think, look, first of all, as you said, she has strong majorities of those groups. People of color, men of color. She has strong majorities. I mean, you're talking about whether she was 90% or 83% or 75%. But I think what people want.
Jared Polis
Not men.
Van Jones
What's that?
Jared Polis
Not men, men of color.
Van Jones
I see numbers in it.
Jared Polis
Pretty 90s.
Van Jones
Yeah.
Jared Polis
Well, both.
Van Jones
No, the NAACP for Latinos, it's still a majority.
Jared Polis
One in four, which amel, I'll give you the number. She's got a 54 point lead, which is awesome. Yeah. Biden had a 69 point lead and Hillary had a 71 point lead and Obama had an 85 point lead. Why is Hillary doing 17 points better than Kamala?
Van Jones
Well, again, I think she's winning voters every day by talking about what matters to every American. Costs have gone up. How do we save families money. Her $6,000 tax credit for kids, helping small businesses get off the ground and increasing deductibility, the opportunity agenda. I mean, these are things that excite people. I don't think people just want to be talked to in their silo. Like I'm a, you know, a latino man between 25 and 30. They care about the same issues, the cost of groceries growing up that everybody else cares about. That Donald Trump's agenda with a 20% tariff will only make worse and More costly.
Megyn Kelly
Yeah. I think black men are hurting. I think black men are really hurting. And I don't think anybody talks about it. I don't think anybody really cares. You know, wages aren't where they're supposed to be. We have a big health crisis. Prostate cancer, sickle cell. Nobody talked about that. And you're not allowed to cry. You're not. I get. I get teased because I cry on tv, but we're hurting. And I think I'm proud that black men have stood up and said, hey, I know what you're gonna do for immigrants. You've gotta make sure they get comprehensive immigration reform. And that's beautiful. I know what you're gonna do for women. You've gotta make sure they can get safe abortions. That's beautiful. I know what you're gonna do for trans folks. You're gonna try to make sure they at least have some dignity. What are you gonna do for black men? What are you gonna do for us? And I'm very proud that Kamala Harris listened and she did come forward with the three things we care about, which is work, wealth, and health. She came forward. She's going to make sure we're able to get houses with the forgivable loans. She's got to make sure that we're able to get apprenticeship and training programs. She's doing things now to give us a sense that she cares about us. And that had to happen. It has not happened. It didn't happen under Hillary Clinton. We held our nose. Didn't happen when Biden was running. People get tired. And now I think people are getting inspired.
Jared Polis
Well, let's get into what you were talking about, because this is what she unveiled about a week ago. Opportunity Agenda for Black men. Provide 1 million loans that are fully forgivable, up to $20,000 for Black entrepreneurs and others to start a business.
Megyn Kelly
You know why that's good? Because black men want to own stuff. We want to be entrepreneurs. We want to be heads of household. We want to own stuff. We don't want handouts. We want the opportunity to get in this game.
Jared Polis
Well, some people would see this as a handout to a special interest group.
Megyn Kelly
No, no. The thing is, those loans are available to everyone. She's just making sure that we know that they are also available to us. There's good stuff out there that if it doesn't get marketed to a community, they don't even know it exists.
Jared Polis
Well, it's just black entrepreneurs. That's not everybody.
Megyn Kelly
But if you look at the actual program, it's available to everyone. But there's a special marketing push to black entrepreneurs because otherwise we don't know what's there.
Jared Polis
Yeah.
Van Jones
This is about the opportunity agenda for everybody. I think what she's saying, this is relevant to your lives, and that's whether you're black, whether you're Asian, whether you're white. This can help you start a business. Increasing deductions, removing barriers to new business formation. This is the kind of thing. And I wish she leaned into it more when she talks about how you're different than Joe Biden. I never heard Joe Biden talk about this stuff, but I'm excited to hear Kamala Harris, as an entrepreneur myself, talk about entrepreneurship, business formation, removing barriers to wealth creation. I mean, this is what people want.
Jared Polis
She. And. And certainly this is not just for black men. I know this personally, that she. She wants to legalize weed, which. What.
Megyn Kelly
I think that was a winner. That was a winner.
Jared Polis
What I think I've been saying it's a winning issue for 30 years. No one was listening to.
Van Jones
I said, bill, I ran on it, as you know.
Jared Polis
Right.
Van Jones
It helped me. I. I ran for Congress, ran on it for governor.
Jared Polis
Yeah. You're Colorado. You were the first in the nation.
Van Jones
We're proud of it.
Jared Polis
And how's it going in Colorado?
Van Jones
It's great. And I am real excited. I'm excited because the businesses and the consumers have lived under this cloud with the federal illegality. I mean, I applaud the pioneers that have started businesses, invested their time and effort into this, but that could be seized by the federal government at any point. Kamala Harris is the first major party candidate for president who's running on decriminalization and allowing the state to.
Jared Polis
Right. And by the way, she evolved. I mean, I remember when she was out here, she was bad on that issue. I thought she was. I remember I contributed to, I think, her first campaign as DA and then I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I did that because you're bad on an issue. That's important to me. But you know what? She got better. She got better. It's okay. She evolved. There's nothing wrong with that.
Megyn Kelly
I like that. I think that's allowed. But then. But here's the thing that nobody's talking about. And then Donald Trump got worse. Everybody talks about this project 2025. He says that that's not his project. You know what? Donald Trump never lies. So I believe him. I believe him. I believe him. I believe him.
Jared Polis
So.
Megyn Kelly
But what he's actually on record, what he's actually on record for is something called Agenda 47. That's his agenda that he signed off to. It's on his website. What does it say about these issues? Agenda point number two, President Trump will require local law enforcement agencies.
Jared Polis
This is Project 2025.
Megyn Kelly
No, this is Agenda 47. This is literally what Donald Trump has signed on to.
Jared Polis
Oh, I see.
Megyn Kelly
So, you know, he never lies. He says he's not for that. So this is what's on his website. He's going. He's going to. He says he's going to have. Require local law enforcement to do stop and frisk, which is basically 80% goes against black people. He says he's going to instruct the DOJ to dismantle every street gang. In other words, the feds are going to be in your neighborhood trying to figure out which one of your kids should go to federal prison. He says he's going to indemnify all cops so you can't sue cops. Basically, black men are about to get conned. Those who are going to do this vote, the best con artist in the world is gonna tell black men, I'm gonna lift you up. In fact, he's gonna lock you up. He's gonna lock you up for the stuff that Kamala Harris is trying to decriminalize. He's gonna actually recriminalize Donald Trump.
Jared Polis
Yeah. No, I get it. And this is my problem with her campaign is every time they ask her, you know, why are you good? Because Donald Trump is bad. That's why I'm good. And like, you know, if you Democrats seem to have this idea, is this. If you could just get the people who already hate Donald Trump to hate him a little more, we're going to win this thing. And, you know, you can't. You can't. You can't get me to not like Donald Trump already. I've been on this train early on from 2015, from 2013, when he sued me, okay, I've been on this. I don't like Donald Trump. So I'm not really the voter you're talking.
Megyn Kelly
I just think that for those African American men who might be watching who think I'm going to vote for Donald Trump, I just want to make sure that he literally is the best con man in the world to get you to vote for him, and he's gonna turn around and put you in prison.
Jared Polis
But, you know, you know, we do.
Van Jones
We do a lot of fun events. I did a crypto for Kamala event yesterday. I did a cannabis for Kamala virtual event with Willie Nelson. And look, we gotta get this cannabis legalization done while we still have Willie Nelson going strong and able to celebrate. And Kamala Harris will get that done.
Jared Polis
Okay, that's good. But just one more thing about this, because. Because in this polling that we were talking about where they're asking why such a larger, not the majority, but number of minority voters, young black men, were in this poll, like Trump, a lot of them said more than white people. He's fun. And that people take him too seriously. And I certainly would have arguments with that. But, you know this thing this week with Arnold Palmer's dick. No, I just gotta say, I watched. That's the. I mean, everybody. First, of course, I heard about it on the liberal media, right? And they were going nuts. You know, he's talking about Arnold Palmer's dick. And then I watched the video, okay? And the people behind him at the rally loved it. Because that's what grandpa does. Really.
Megyn Kelly
Not my grandpa, but, you know.
Jared Polis
But as a standup comedian, I can see when something's working with the audience, with the audience, and I just feel like people go too nuts about the silly stuff he does. I agree. That has nothing to do with anything.
Megyn Kelly
I agree. I agree.
Van Jones
It bothers me a lot more that his former chief of staff said that he is a fascist. I mean, that bothers me a lot. Or that he admired Hitler's generals.
Megyn Kelly
Can I say, you are right. And when Kamala was rising, she was fun. Remember, it's of Joy.
Jared Polis
Joy.
Megyn Kelly
It was fun. It was this. It was weird. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And then like the. We went from brat to flat, and it's just not as much fun.
Jared Polis
Well, perfect segue you gave me, Van Jones, because it's Halloween time. It is Halloween time. So by law, every comedy show must do a Halloween bit. So. But this one is actually very apropos because, you know, every year Halloween comes right before the election. And of course, if it's an election year, people wear, you know, these kind of costumes. We've seen them in the past. The Nixon won and there's a couple of this year there. But we thought because we wanted to spice it up a little and because everyone's going to have the election on their mind anyway, we would suggest a few other political costumes that we're going to be maybe selling on our website. Not really, but we'll just pretend. Would you like to see them? Okay. I know you.
Kamala Harris
All right.
Jared Polis
You could go as the fact. Fact checker assigned to fact check Trump. That's ego. Is the guy who says he'll move to another country if the Republican wins, but never does. Ego. As the McDonald's employee who had to fix everything Trump fucked up. You go with slutty Steve Kornacki. Oh, sweaty Steve Kornecki. He goes the QAnon nutcase with a sign no one understands. Oh, of course. Isn't obvious. You go as the sexy cat being eaten by a Haitian. Wait. Or you go as the sexy Haitian eating the cat. Either one works.
Van Jones
Either one. Either.
Jared Polis
Oh, I like this one. You go as Trump's ear. Oh, here's a good one. You can go as the the two guys Donald Trump jerks off when he's dancing. And of course, you can go as Arnold Palmer's balls. All right, all right. So let's get to the fascist part of this because Megyn Kelly and many others in this country, you know, that's what they say. Come on, he talks a lot. He's a riffer. You know, we didn't become a Nazi country the first term. You know, what's to worry about? But you know, my question is to you. You're a governor. Say Trump wins. He's president. He does some of the stuff that he said. He's just said he's going to do. He said this week he's going to throw Jack Smith, who was the prosecutor in his trial, out of the country. He talks about yanking CBS's license because he didn't like what they did on 60 Minutes. I mean, along with talking about military tribunals, he's threatened to imprison Obama, Biden, Hillary, Kamala Fauci, Jack Smith, Bill Gates, the January 6th Committee, Pelosi, Adam Schiff say this stuff is going on. What do you do as the Democratic governor of a state within this country?
Van Jones
First of all, that should be disqualifying before any of that.
Jared Polis
Well.
Van Jones
But look, I certainly feel that, and I don't want to think about the day after because I'm excited that Kamala Harris is going to win. But again.
Jared Polis
I want to protect freedom.
Van Jones
Of speech in Colorado. I would to protect people's ability to articulate, make sure that they're not punished for opposing or supporting any particular political agenda. What's so worrisome about this bill is that these aren't just random people saying he's a fascist. These are people that worked with him and around him that are people of character and integrity. Right. His former chief of staff, four star general, his own vice president isn't supporting him. Members of his cabinet aren't supporting him. These aren't just man or woman on the street. These are the people who know him best, who are saying, watch out for this guy, America. And we should heed that.
Megyn Kelly
Republican.
Jared Polis
Republican. I don't know what the answer should be, but I'm not sure that one gave me a lot of confidence because we're, you know, who's going to do something about that?
Megyn Kelly
I don't know, but I do. You know, when I listen to Megyn Kelly, what she's saying makes common sense. Well, he was there before, and he didn't do those things then. And I think that what people don't understand is that when he was there before, he was restrained.
Jared Polis
Exactly.
Megyn Kelly
Because there were three things. First of all, the Supreme Court had not said the president could be lawless. We now have a Supreme Court that says the president can be lawless. He didn't have that. He had people around him who were actually normal Republicans who just went to work in the White House and discovered that they were working for somebody who was very dangerous.
Jared Polis
And these are the people, like Milley and John Kelly, who are now saying that he's a fascist. Exactly.
Megyn Kelly
But they're saying they were restraining him, they were holding him back, they were pushing back on him. And then also you had the civil servants who were also all in place. In other words, you had a grizzly bear in your kid's bedroom, but he was chained up. Now you're sitting in the same grizzly bear back with no chains. You will have a different outcome when you have the Supreme Court that says you're lawless. That's a different outcome when you have nobody there telling him, no, I would, look, I got a chance to kind of watch some of this stuff. Like Trump was somebody that staffers would deliberately redirect, misdirect. They wouldn't take his orders seriously. They would make sure things didn't. Those people won't be there. And so this is not the same. It's not the same. It's much, much more dangerous.
Jared Polis
Two of them, I think it was Millie and. Yeah, I think General Melly and General said they made a deal that they would never both be out of the country.
Megyn Kelly
Yes.
Jared Polis
At the same time, the level of.
Megyn Kelly
Hard work that military people and Republicans put in to keep him from doing stuff is not going to be there. So you can't say, well, he didn't do it. No, no, no, that's not right. There were people there who kept him from doing it. That's different. There are people there who kept him from doing it. That's different. This time those people won't be there. They won't.
Jared Polis
I've been saying that for years and hope people listen. But. Okay, so the other really scary thing that's going on now is apparently you can bribe people to vote.
Megyn Kelly
Elon.
Jared Polis
Elon. I gotta say, for Elon, as good as he is for everything tech, he's just as bad for everything political. I mean, he really has. So here's what's going on. He's giving out million dollar checks now. Now people are saying, isn't it illegal to do this? Yes, it is absolutely illegal to pay people to register to vote. Here's what he's doing. He's paying people to sign a petition, okay? And then you can only win this lottery if you are a registered voter. So you have to then register to vote because he's holding out the cheese of a million dollar payday. But again, you have to register now. You could say, well, anybody can register, Republican, Democrat, and vote for anybody. But obviously him putting out this message, it's going to be probably overwhelmingly for his side. They're probably going to go after him for this. I think they've said they might. Which, you know, it seems like the ultimate slippery slope. I mean, if we allow this, it's going to be bobblehead night at the voting booth in two years.
Van Jones
I guess it's kind of like when you're trying to sell like a timeshare in Myrtle Beach. You say you have a chance to win a million dollars if you come to my seminar. I think it speaks to the lack of enthusiasm that they're trying to generate enthusiasm by saying they have to say we're giving away a million dollars to even get people to come to those rallies. Or we're giving you, I think, $47 to sign it. He just said he's giving people 100 bucks in Pennsylvania to sign it. Sign it means, by the way, you support the first and Second Amendment. Every Democrat I know supports the U.S. constitution, including the first and Second Amendment. So I would encourage my fellow Democrats In Pennsylvania, take 100 bucks of Elon Musk's money, go ahead and sign up.
Jared Polis
Right, well, but then aren't we encouraging the activity itself? We are encouraging the bribery in elections that we are trying to avoid.
Van Jones
All his money are soon parted. That's not an original quote for me either.
Megyn Kelly
First of all, if you and I did it, we would be in prison immediately. So the fact that they're. There's no motion about it, it's sad. But what's really sad is, well, it's.
Jared Polis
A Democratic government right now. What do you mean? We would be in prison? I mean, they're not arresting him.
Megyn Kelly
Well, that's why I think him being the richest guy in the world might help him a little bit in terms of the stay out of jail card. But my only point is this. You know, it's sad that we've lost Elon Musk. And I want to point out four years ago, Elon Musk was an Andrew Yang Democrat.
Jared Polis
Yeah.
Megyn Kelly
Don't forget that.
Jared Polis
Oh, yeah, I know.
Megyn Kelly
I mean, he's done great stuff when it comes to climate, when it comes to space, etc.
Jared Polis
So was Trump a Democrat? He was, yeah, he was.
Megyn Kelly
He was. So. But I just wonder if we look back on this period, there's no excuse for stuff that Elon Musk is doing. The stuff he says, he's, you know, irresponsible. But if progressives have a politics that says all white people are racist, all men are tied and all billionaires are evil, it's kind of hard to keep them on your side. And so we might want to think about if you're chasing people out of the party, you can't be mad when they leave. And maybe if we had a different politics, we actually said dignity for everybody, everybody's respected and we need you, more people might stay.
Jared Polis
Yeah. You know, in all my issues that.
Van Jones
Elon Musk talks about, he's, you know, a free market capitalist. I'm a free market capitalist. He supports free speech, I support free speech. So do Democrats. I think he is. Sadly, Bill bought into this perception of what far right people think Democrats believe rather than what Democrats actually believe and do when we have the opportunity to govern.
Jared Polis
So I read in paper today that the Washington Post and the LA Times, for the first time ever, not endorsing a candidate in this race yet. I mean, this is something newspapers have always done. Now they're both owned by billionaires. And I've read two different theories. I don't know which is true. I'm going to ask you. Part of it says that the Gen zers in the office, they don't. They're not feeling the cam vibe because she's not good enough on Israel. They hate Israel. They're all for Hamas. They think a genocide is going on there, which it absolutely is not. Fracking things like this, gender issues, she doesn't go far enough, so that could be why she loses. Or is it billionaires who own these newspapers talking about billionaires who are saying, well, you know, first of all it's charming. They think it matters to anybody. It's hysterical to me. They think a newspaper editorial is going to change one mind. But in the past, it's what we've done. But is that what's going on here? These billionaires don't want people reading a positive Kamala endorsement.
Van Jones
Well, these 23 year old gumshoe reporters, they're not the ones calling the shots at the newspapers. Another thing that's happened, Bill, on top of those causes, is that our newspapers have generally been stripped by their hedge fund owners of much of their editorial capacity. And we've seen this happen with some of our Colorado papers. Other papers where they don't have the capacity to even sit down with candidates across the board, do the interviews, write it up. They've been stripped to the bone and they just don't have the resources to be able to do the kind of reporting that they used to.
Megyn Kelly
I don't know what's going on with it, but it's probably not the election to sit out. And what I would say is, what I would say is, if this thing goes as badly as it might in terms of a Trump victory, and then a year from now, two years from now, we're living in a situation where all the things you just described are happening, I don't think anybody's gonna be proud of the fact that they ducked. It's had nothing to say, no opinion. And I actually disagree with you a little bit. There are a lot of people who, when they get their ballot, it looks like an SAT test. They don't know what to do with it. And they do look to their local newspaper for guidance. It does matter.
Jared Polis
On the local. Yeah, right.
Megyn Kelly
On the local.
Jared Polis
Oh, have you ever seen the ones in California?
Megyn Kelly
I mean.
Jared Polis
Yeah.
Megyn Kelly
I mean.
Jared Polis
Vote no if you think yes on voting no, it's like, I'm just like, I don't know why, but you know, and I'm sorry, but I don't want to make up my mind on a ballot by what the newspaper is telling me to do because I don't trust the newspapers. I don't trust anybody.
Megyn Kelly
Fair enough. I, maybe I'm old fashioned. I think that our institutions are less powerful than they used to be, but I still think that they matter. And I think that this is not the time to duck and be on the side. People got to raise their hand. And by the way, if military four star generals willing to raise their hand, which is unprecedented, and say this is an unacceptable outcome, that Trump is a danger to America, if generals can do that. If the former chief of staff can do that. Never happened before. Our newspapers can do it, too.
Jared Polis
All right, thank you, guys. Time for new rules. Thank you. All right. Okay, new rule. Now that McDonald's is suffering from a multistate E. Coli outbreak, they have to tell us, did one of your employees not wash hands? And speaking of your hands, Don, next year, when you're planning your McDonald's worker Halloween costume and you put a pound of bronzer on your face, remember to put some on your ghostly white hands or go in the other direction. Take off your makeup and comb over and go out fat Dracula. Gentle, good humor. That's what we do. New rule. If you get a MAGA tattoo and you put it on the back of your head, just know people aren't thinking he's a Trump supporter and proud to be one. They're thinking he's a Harris voter who loves to troll his boyfriend during sex. You know, the makers of Dior Sauvage cologne have to tell me who looks at Johnny Depp and thinks that's what I want to smell like?
Megyn Kelly
Oh.
Jared Polis
Sauvage. They're French. Never mind. I get it. Now that it's been reported that a male dolphin, a Japanese beach has repeatedly attacked swimmers because it's sexually frustrated, someone must volunteer to swim out there and jerk it off. You'll have the satisfaction of knowing not only that you're relieved of fish, but also that you finally have a vacation video your friends want to see. New rule. If I'm always having to pretend I live here, I get to come inside and make a sandwich. And hey, since we're all pretending, how was your day, honey? I know Steve from work can be such a dick. Well, I'm off to the garage to work on my project. And by that I mean check my fantasy football team and masturbate to stepdaughter porn. And finally, new Rule was only a couple of weeks ago. It's not too late for Kamala Harris to do what many have been calling for her to do since she became the candidate. Have a sister soldier moment. And if you weren't around in 1992, let me tell you what a sister soldier moment means. It's when you earn cred with the middle of the road voters by standing up to an extremist in your own coalition. For Bill Clinton in 1992, that was a notorious rapper. No, not him. No, Sister Soulja, whose music is not much remembered, but her words are. After the LA riots in 92, she said, if there are any good white people. I haven't met them. Now, in fairness, she had just come out of Williams Sonoma, but she also said, if black people kill black people every day, why not have a week and kill white people? And Bill Clinton, looking for an easy target and also well aware that killing white people would decimate our Olympic snowboard team, rebuked Soulja and came out against taking a week to kill whitey. And yes, that was seen as courageous. It was an easy win. Clinton won over independent whites and it didn't hurt him with black voters who went for him overwhelmingly and even used to refer to him as the first black president, which so went to his head that he later dated a white girl with a fat ass. But that's a different history lesson. The lesson for today is that the last two successful two term Democratic presidents both had sister soldier moments. Oh yes, Obama had one too. In 2008, Republicans thought they had him beat when the man who was Obama's reverend in Chicago claimed the government purposefully engineered AIDS to kill minorities and spoke the words Goddamn America. And that is the kind of this place sucks Rudder Rick you're only allowed to use if you're a Republican. But Obama reasoned then, as Kamala should now, that yeah, there are some Americans who are not going to vote for me just because I'm black. And while I can still win without them, I can't win if I lose. The person who will vote for a black president but is kind of looking for a reason not to. So he made an amazing speech about race and called Reverend Wright's words a bunch of rants that aren't grounded in truth. He said Wright expressed a profoundly distorted view of this country, a view that sees white racism as endemic and that elevates what is wrong with America above all that we know is right with America. And he won big. Now Kamala could make her own Reverend Wright speech and ask all white Americans to please understand as much as you can, how much in 2020, the sight of a black man being slowly murdered with a white cop's knee on his neck would affect you. If that was the history of your race, I think most Americans would be sympathetic and then admit that in 2020 the left got a little carried away. Carried away like most of the merch at this shoe store. Get it carried away once in a while. They need a Looting was rebranded as Justice Shopping. We stopped arresting, shoplifting. Anti Racist Baby was a bestseller. Corporations took DEI to ludicrous lengths. We opened our hearts to all who wanted to come here and then Also our borders. Portland decriminalized all drugs, and Seattle set up a no cop zone until they had to reverse course on both. Standardized testing was dropped until schools saw how dumb that was. And yet the head of the teachers union in Chicago still maintains that testing is, quote, junk science rooted in white supremacy. And her union tweeted during COVID when many Americans felt we could have gotten back to normal sooner. That the push to reopen schools is rooted in sexism, racism, and misogyny. No, it was rooted in reading, writing and arithmetic, the teaching of which is apparently job none in Chicago because only about one in four students in the city are proficient in either math or English. And absenteeism is off the charts. The teachers there want a raise now. And look, I'm always all for all teachers. Always getting a raise everywhere. I hate kids. I can't imagine being around them all day. But I also think Kamala Harris could have a moment if she trotted out her favorite phrase and said, let me be very clear. Our schools need to do better. Our kids need to be in school, and when they're there, they need to have the phones off and the brains on learning the basic things we used to teach. And the idea that testing is rooted in white supremacy is in itself a racist belief that says black children can't compete with white children on tests, which they surely can. That line will get you an applause break from all sides. When Kamala says, we're not going back, the undecided voter thinks, no, I don't want to get on the short bus back to Trump tap. But I also don't want to go back to 2020. Please, God, don't make me sit through another one of those corporate mandated sensitivity training sessions. When the Harris campaign launched, they got great traction by calling Trump and Vance weird. That was good. Weird was working. People are tired of weird. And ever since Donald Trump decided to dominate our fucking lives, the Democrats argument has been, we'll restore normal. Well, if what you're selling is let's be normal again, here's an idea. Be normal. America doesn't need a revolution. It needs fixing. All right, that's our show. I'll be at the David Copperfield at the MGM grand in Vegas November 1st and 2nd. The MGM National harbor in D.C. on November 17th. And watch Club Random. Oh, it's fantastic. On YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. I want to thank Governor Jared Polis, Dan Jones and Megyn Kelly. Now go watch over Tribe on YouTube. Thank you, folks. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10. Or watch him anytime on HBO on Demand. For more information, log on to hbo.com.
Bill Maher
Every hero in Gotham City has an origin story. And Nerd Wallet. Nerds like me are no different. I discover the power of a High Yield Savings account in a secret lab experiment. And I had to tell everybody about it.
Jared Polis
Okay, we might not be actual superheroes, but we did become the nerds. To help you make smarter financial decisions.
Megyn Kelly
We'Ve researched and reviewed thousands of financial.
Jared Polis
Products so the good citizens of Gotham City. I mean, your city, don't have to.
Bill Maher
Nerds Nerd Wallet Finance Smarter.
Real Time with Bill Maher - Episode #676: Megyn Kelly, Van Jones, Gov. Jared Polis
Release Date: October 26, 2024
Host: HBO Podcasts
Guests: Megyn Kelly, Van Jones, Governor Jared Polis
In Episode #676 of Real Time with Bill Maher, host Bill Maher engages in a robust discussion with esteemed guests Megyn Kelly, Van Jones, and Colorado Governor Jared Polis. The conversation delves deep into the upcoming 2024 Presidential election, exploring the dynamics between key political figures, policy debates, and the broader societal implications of the candidates' agendas.
Bill Maher opens the episode with a satirical take on the pervasive nature of shady financial offers, setting a humorous tone before transitioning into the main political discourse.
Maher (00:47): "We have Governor Jared Polis of Colorado and Van Jones. But first up, she is a journalist and host of the Megyn Kelly Show."
Megyn Kelly introduces Kamala Harris, who expresses optimism about the political climate despite the tension surrounding the Halloween season.
Kamala Harris (08:05): "Good to see you."
Jared Polis (08:47): "You're certainly not stupid? Okay, but you know this. You've even said it that if Trump wins, there will definitely be denialism."
The discussion quickly centers on the potential outcomes of the election and the behaviors of the candidates:
Maher (00:31): "But they can't stop us. For we are the champions of truth. We are the nerds."
Kamala Harris (09:15): "Yeah. We are going to be stuck in this election, one way or the other, for weeks."
Maher (00:31): "Being a marketer is no sweat. You just have to manage dozens of channels..."
The conversation highlights the stark differences between Trump's brash rhetoric and Harris's policy-focused approach, emphasizing concerns about denialism and the integrity of the electoral process.
A significant portion of the discussion revolves around immigration, with Harris criticizing the current administration's handling of illegal immigration and Polis expressing concerns over the influx of undocumented immigrants.
Kamala Harris (10:35): "I don't want any more Lake and Riley's. I don't want any more Jocelyn Nungaros, the 12-year-old girl who was killed in Houston by two Venezuelan illegal immigrants."
Polis (10:37): "We took on too many immigrants."
The debate touches on the balance between legal immigration and national security, with Harris advocating for stricter border controls to prevent crimes committed by illegal immigrants.
The panel shifts focus to the controversial topic of transgender rights, particularly concerning children. Harris voices strong opinions against medical interventions for transgender youth, citing concerns about irreversible procedures.
Kamala Harris (14:16): "We're chopping off the healthy body parts of young children without 100% informed consent."
Polis (15:39): "There's so much fluidity in childhood... I don't know what would have happened if someone said the answer to your problem is that you're really not a boy or whatever."
Harris (17:05): "I have some in my family. I have nothing against people who actually have gender dysphoria... This is a different issue. This is about children."
The guests discuss the psychological and societal impacts of current transgender policies, debating the ethics and long-term effects of gender-affirming treatments for minors.
The conversation intensifies as the panel scrutinizes Trump's behavior and policies, with accusations of fascist tendencies and authoritarianism.
Polis (20:17): "He hit his Hitler in the first four years and is going to come out in full force."
Van Jones (35:51): "These aren't just random people saying he's a fascist. These are people that worked with him and around him... These are the people who know him best."
Kelly (37:09): "Trump was somebody that staffers would deliberately redirect, misdirect... They wouldn't take his orders seriously."
The guests express deep concerns about Trump's potential actions if re-elected, including threats to democratic institutions and the rule of law.
A critical segment addresses the integrity of the voting process and the role of media, particularly the recent reluctance of major newspapers to endorse a candidate.
Polis (42:14): "These newspapers have generally been stripped by their hedge fund owners of much of their editorial capacity."
Kelly (43:51): "If these people duck out and have nothing to say, no opinion, nobody's going to be proud of the fact that they ducked."
The discussion highlights fears about election integrity, the influence of media ownership on public opinion, and the potential for increased voter manipulation through financial incentives.
Kelly (38:56): "He's paying people to sign a petition... which means they have to register to vote because he's holding out the cheese of a million-dollar payday."
Jones (40:40): "I'm a free market capitalist. He supports free speech, I support free speech."
The panel shifts focus to the Democratic Party's strategies and policy initiatives, particularly Kamala Harris's "Opportunity Agenda for Black Men" aimed at fostering economic empowerment.
Kelly (25:27): "She is going to make sure we're able to get houses with the forgivable loans."
Jones (26:57): "This is about the opportunity agenda for everybody. I think what she's saying, this is relevant to your lives."
The guests commend Harris's efforts to address systemic inequalities and promote entrepreneurship within marginalized communities, contrasting it with previous Democratic approaches.
Kelly (30:33): "I just think that for those African American men who might be watching who think I'm going to vote for Donald Trump, I just want to make sure that he literally is the best con man in the world to get you to vote for him, and he's gonna turn around and put you in prison."
As the episode nears its conclusion, Maher injects humor with a "New Rules" segment, mocking the political climate and the candidates' antics.
Maher (35:47): "If he gets a MAGA tattoo and you put it on the back of your head... they're thinking he's a Harris voter who loves to troll his boyfriend during sex."
The episode wraps up with final thoughts on the impending election, the state of American politics, and the critical need for voter engagement.
Maher (45:56): "Our newspapers can do it, too."
Kelly (45:29): "People have to raise their hand."
Episode #676 of Real Time with Bill Maher offers a comprehensive analysis of the 2024 Presidential race, dissecting the platforms and personalities of key candidates. Through incisive dialogue, the guests shed light on vital issues such as immigration, transgender rights, and the looming threat of authoritarianism. The episode underscores the urgency of informed voter participation and the pivotal role of media and policy in shaping America's future.
Notable Quotes:
Kamala Harris (14:16): "We're chopping off the healthy body parts of young children without 100% informed consent."
Jared Polis (20:17): "He hit his Hitler in the first four years and is going to come out in full force."
Megyn Kelly (25:27): "She is going to make sure we're able to get houses with the forgivable loans."
Van Jones (35:51): "These aren't just random people saying he's a fascist. These are people that worked with him and around him..."
Bill Maher (00:31): "But they can't stop us. For we are the champions of truth. We are the nerds."
For more insights and detailed discussions, tune in to future episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 PM on HBO or watch on-demand.