Ep. #724: Sen. Elissa Slotkin, Stephen A. Smith, Laura Coates

Summary

Real Time with Bill Maher — Episode #724 Summary

Guests: Senator Elissa Slotkin, Stephen A. Smith, Laura Coates
Date: March 28, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Real Time with Bill Maher explores America's political dysfunction amid the latest government shutdown, corruption scandals surrounding the Trump administration, the war with Iran, social media's impact on children, and the debate over transgender athletes in sports. Bill and his panelists—Senator Elissa Slotkin, Stephen A. Smith, and Laura Coates—offer sharp insights, critique both parties, and deliver punchy, sometimes provocative commentary on urgent issues shaping current American discourse.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Government Dysfunction & Shutdown Stalemate

• The Airport & TSA Funding Crisis:
  • The episode opens amidst a government stand-off over TSA funding, leaving airport security officers unpaid (09:24).
  • President Trump’s proposals to use ICE instead of TSA and eventually pay TSA after weeks of delay are lampooned for their impracticality (06:00–08:00).
  • Both Bill Maher and guests critique the use of government workers as pawns in political battles.
• Political Hostage-Taking:
  • Bill and Senator Slotkin discuss the increasingly 'hostage-situation' nature of U.S. politics, where every issue becomes a standoff with Americans held in the crossfire (09:48–10:56).
  • Sen. Slotkin: "We are, like, ill as a country. ...Most Americans cannot stand the way politicians are representing themselves right now, period." (10:15)

2. Corruption and Insider Trading During Wartime

• Irregular Trading Tied to Military Action:
  • Discussion of suspicious prediction market activity around military actions, with people apparently profiting from inside information about U.S. strikes (10:56–12:49).
  • Sen. Slotkin: "That’s insider trading... And it’s an operational security risk. If you’re the Iranians and you see a bunch of bets on a war tomorrow—‘oh shit, I think we’re about to have a war.'" (12:00)
• Impeachment and Accountability:
  • Slotkin acknowledges the massive corruption in the White House, noting Trump’s children earning over a billion dollars.
  • She argues that former norms about government ethics, thought to be law, were only conventions—now “traditions based on good behavior need to become law. With real teeth.” (13:30–14:26)

3. War with Iran

• Diverging Political Strategies:
  • Bill Maher questions whether only a few in Congress dissent from party orthodoxy on Iran; Slotkin (ex-CIA, Iraq veteran) clarifies that personal experience informs her call for a clear strategy before committing to further conflict (14:39–15:30).
  • Sen. Slotkin: “It’s not hard... to ask for a plan when we’re just coming off of 20 years of being bogged down in wars.” (17:04)
• Goals, Plans, and “Staying Out of the Quagmire”:
  • All panelists agree that America’s strength isn’t nation-building, and warn about the risks of repeating Iraq-style entanglements (17:16–18:11).
  • Slotkin: “Until the Strait of Hormuz is open... we haven’t won this war.” (15:56)
  • The discussion notes the economic consequences stateside, like long gas lines (19:22).

4. Political Messaging and Leadership Deficits

• Democratic Messaging Woes:
  • Slotkin candidly critiques her own party’s failure to articulate simple, clear arguments, suggesting Democrats must show “alpha energy” and confidence:
  • “Can we have a little more alpha energy? ...Show people we give a shit... be simple about addressing needs.” (19:51)

5. Panel Discussion — Systemic Failures & Public Anger

• Government Worker Plight:
  • Panel compares unpaid TSA employees’ stress with politicians’ continued pay. Stephen A. Smith is particularly passionate:
  • Smith: “They're the ones getting paid at the same time that you don't. They're disgusting. It's just that simple.” (23:37)
• Politicians’ Performative Loyalty:
  • Laura Coates and Smith criticize the culture of “ultimate loyalty” to the President over the public.
  • Smith: “The kissing of his ass is so nauseating... you’re shoving or throwing objectivity out the window.” (27:01)

6. Midterm Elections & Political Tactics

• Reactive vs. Proactive Politics:
  • Maher and Coates warn against Democratic reliance on being merely “shocked” by GOP behavior instead of offering proactive solutions (31:02).
• Predictions & Sports Metaphors:
  • Bill likens Democrats’ passivity to a team that wins by default but isn't playoff-ready (30:26–31:02).
• Smith on Lawmakers Prioritizing Job Security Over Governance:
  • Smith: “They sound [better] because they’re too busy... keeping their jobs instead of doing their jobs.” (25:30)

7. Big Tech & Social Media Lawsuits

• Landmark Ruling Against Meta:
  • Discussion of two major legal defeats for Meta regarding addiction and child safety, drawing a tobacco analogy (36:55–38:52).
  • Panel explores user responsibility vs. corporate culpability.
• Parenting, Technology, and Blame:
  • Smith: “Parental supervision...definitely needs to be addressed. There are deadbeat parents...not paying attention to what goes on with their children.” (39:08)
  • Coates: Pushes back: “I think it’s a cop out...if you just say it’s parents’ responsibility.” (40:45)

8. Discipline, Parenting & Generational Shifts

• Smith recounts tough discipline in his family, contrasting modern ‘Oprah-fied’ approaches with his own ‘old school’ style on spanking (43:13–44:28).

9. Transgender Athletes: The Olympics’ Ban

• Smith, unequivocally:
  • “Biological men should not be competing against biological girls in sports. Period.” (45:23)
  • He questions Democrats’ lack of forthrightness on the issue, predicting it will be an electoral vulnerability.

10. Aliens, Disclosure, and the Government

• Maher’s closing monologue humorously but seriously addresses growing mainstream acceptance of UFOs and the possibility of alien life, referencing recent Congressional hearings, comments by ex-presidents and security officials (50:00–55:00).
• Quote, Bill Maher: “If at this point you don’t believe aliens are here and observing us, maybe you’re the conspiracy theorist now.” (49:23)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Political Dysfunction & Hostage Politics:

  • Slotkin (10:15): “We are, like, ill as a country... Most Americans cannot stand the way politicians are representing themselves right now, period.”

• On Corruption & Trump Family Profits:

  • Slotkin (13:30): “The president’s kids alone have earned a billion dollars since he became president...traditions based on good behavior need to become law. With real teeth.”

• On Middle East Entanglements:

  • Slotkin (17:04): “It’s just not hard...it’s totally fair to ask for a plan when we’re just coming off of 20 years of being bogged down in wars.”

• On Democratic Messaging:

  • Slotkin (19:51): “Can we have a little bit more alpha energy? Punch and believe in what we believe in and show people that we give a shit...”

• On Federal Worker Plight:

  • Stephen A. Smith (23:37): “They're the ones getting paid at the same time that you don't. They're disgusting. It's just that simple.”

• On Politicians’ Fawning Over Trump:

  • Smith (27:01): “The kissing of his ass is so nauseating…blind loyalty breeds distrust.”

• On Social Media, Addiction & Parental Responsibility:

  • Smith (39:08): “Parental supervision...needs to be addressed. A lot of people are deadbeat parents...”
  • Coates (40:45): “It’s a cop out...to say it’s just the parent’s responsibility.”

• On Trans Athletes in Women's Sports:

  • Smith (45:23): “Biological men should not be competing against biological girls in sports. Period.”

• On UFOs and Mainstream Acceptance:

  • Maher (49:23): “If at this point you don’t believe aliens are here and observing us, maybe you’re the conspiracy theorist now.”

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Key Timestamps

• 06:00–08:00: Bill Maher’s opening monologue on TSA, government dysfunction, and Trump.
• 09:05–20:47: Interview with Senator Elissa Slotkin: shutdown’s real-life effects, insider trading, Iran war skepticism, Democratic leadership.
• 21:38–33:09: Panel joins — deeper discussion on political blame, performative loyalty, and election stakes.
• 36:55–44:28: Meta lawsuits, social media as addiction, kids, and parenting culture wars.
• 45:23–46:50: Olympic ruling on transgender athletes and political fallout.
• 49:23–55:00: Maher’s closing ‘New Rules’ and monologue on aliens, government secrecy, and society’s self-destructive tendencies.

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Tone & Style

• Language: Direct, with characteristic Maher sarcasm, humor, and urgency.
• Mood: Frustrated yet energetic, often satirical but underpinned by concern for the issues at stake.

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In Summary

This lively episode confronts deep-rooted government dysfunction, political corruption, and cultural flashpoints, with each guest lending expertise and candor. Real Time’s hallmark blend of humor and hard truths tackles everything from policy woes and media addiction to alien encounters—challenging American leaders (especially Democrats) to cut through noise and inaction, and demanding more from both politicians and the public.

Transcript

[Bill Maher]

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[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

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[Bill Maher]

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[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

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[Bill Maher]

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[Bill Robinson]

Start the clock. Thank you. How you doing? I appreciate it. Thank you very much. Thank you, people. I appreciate that. Great to have you here. Thank you. I know. All right. Thank you. You know why you're happy? Trump says there is a way out of Iran. Unfortunately, it's through the airport. That is just. Oh, have you anybody here had to come to the airport? Ooh, it's easier to get through the Strait of Hormuz than the airport these days. And you know, this impasse that has been going on since January 31st is when this bullshit started. You know, the funding of the tsa always everything in this country is a hostage situation. Every side's like the dog gets it unless you do what we say on this. And then no tsa, they have anything to do with this. So the latest plan A Trump had this week was just send ICE to the airport. Okay? Forgetting that ICE does not perform any sort of task that would be alleviating the actual problem there. So it's just more people. Plan B was to send to every airport 100 raccoons. But finally today, Trump signed an executive order. Don't know why he couldn't have done that five weeks ago. That will pay the TSA agents who haven't been paid since Valentine's Day. You know, it's not good when people who have no money work in a place where water is $6 a bottle. Okay, so. But finally some good news for you. Ladies and gentlemen. Donald Trump is getting the America First Award. I'm not. No. Maybe you never heard of it because they just made it up, but it is a real thing, and he's getting it. Mike Johnson says it will be given annually to Donald Trump. But speaking of awards, I'm finally getting one. Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah, there was a lot of. Everyone's asking me to explain what was going on because a lot of back and forth about this. It's an award given at the Kennedy center, but of course, that is now the Trump Kennedy Center. So I was gonna get it. And then Friday, Trump's. Both. His spokespeople came out and said, fake news. Bill Maher's never getting it. We have reached a compromise, okay? And the compromise is I am going to get it, and then I'm going to give it to him. Everybody's happy. I just want things to work. And also, I say thank you. Okay? I'm not looking for a fight, and I'm not mad that he did this. You know what? Me and the President, we have a complicated relationship. Goes back to the orangutan lawsuit. You know, this has been going on a long time. So him trying to block me from getting it. I respect the move. I respect the move. Keep the game going, baby. Okay. I'm all about engagement. Disengagement gets you nothing. You got to engage. So even though I see that we're back to him calling me a jerk and I'm a lightweight. Ratings loser. Get it off your chest, big man. Okay. I'm totally fine with that. I was proud of these last insults you gave me. I added them to the list of insults that I brought to the White House that you signed graciously when I was there. Yeah. So I would just like to say, as a low ratings lightweight and a rather dumb guy and a pathetic, bloated sleaze bag, a dummy, a terrible student, a nervous, failing comedian, and someone who was sick, insane, very sad, totally shot, and a crazy maniac. I am honored to accept the Mark Twain. Thank you very much. And I will. I will be there, Don, and I hope you will be, too. I mean, the place is named after you now. You really should show up. You could show up. You could thank me in person for being one of the few people on the lunatic left who's glad you hit Iran and is hoping we win that one. Okay? So. Oh, the war. The war. You know, all wars are foggy, but this one's very Foggy. Trump says, boy, this is interesting. He says they're in talk with the Iranians, and the Iranians say they're not talking at all. It's a real he said, Shia said, Intra Islam joke. Listen to this. Trump's quote. He said, they want to make a deal so badly. An Iranian negotiator said, our first and last word has always been that someone like us will never come to terms with someone like you. Not now, not ever. That doesn't sound just like a no. That sounds like a Taylor Swift. We are never, ever, ever getting back together now. But Trump gave an absolute deadline today about the Strait of Hormuz. He said, you either open that else or else. And Iran picked or else. And then he extended the deadline to April 6th. And then he said, okay, okay. If you don't do it, we're going to blow up your electrical grid. And then they didn't move on that. And so he extended that to April 17th. He's kind of like that dad in the car who says, don't make me turn this thing around, and then never does, you know? And listen to this. Last week, we found out there's going to be a gold Trump coin. Now he's putting his signature on the currency, which the Treasury Secretary's always had forever in this country. And I don't know about this, because whenever Trump names stuff after himself, it never really works out. I mean, you think about the Atlantic City casinos, Trump University, Don Jr. All right. I kid. All right. We got a great show. Stephen A. Smith and Laura Coates are here. First up, she's a former CIA analyst and Pentagon official who now serves as a Democratic senator for Michigan. Senator Alyssa Slotkin is here. Hey, how you doing? Great to see you again. Oh, we love having you on.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

Thank you.

[Bill Robinson]

Look at that. It's standing ovation. All right. Did you get out here okay with the airline situation?

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

I did. We had a 2am vote yesterday and then got on a plane this morning. This Sunday.

[Bill Robinson]

Wow. Thank you very much. And the airport was okay?

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

The airport was good. We saw. I saw some of the ICE officers. They were actually moving packages, Amazon packages when I saw them. But it was moving well. And I think. I think we want, you know, we want TSA paid. So that was the point of the

[Bill Robinson]

2am I knew ice was such a Swiss army knife. Right. That they. What can't they do with my question?

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

Well, police our streets the way we want them to be policed.

[Bill Robinson]

Well, that's the. Yeah, that. Now, that's the whole sticking point. Right. But what I just mentioned there, it seems like every problem that we used to be able to solve, like adults, is a hostage situation. Does it strike you that way that everything is like, unless we get everything we want? Because Trump up the ante here at one point to, okay, I'm not doing this unless you also throw in the trans issue. Yeah, trans.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

I think, like, I don't think it takes, you know, a genius to understand that we are, like, ill as a country. We're not functioning the way we. We feel. Most Americans feel proud of our political system. And it used to be that, you know, you would argue and of course, have disagreements, but you get in a room, kick everyone out, just put your head down and get a deal. And that has become. I've been a senator now for a year and change, and that is just not the way it's functioning. And I don't. Again, I'm from Michigan. We are a practical people. And I don't 80% of the people that I talk to cannot say, stand the way politicians are representing themselves right now, period.

[Bill Robinson]

Well, I see even in the conservative press this week, people who, you know, we have the California Post out here now, so that kind of keeps the liberals honest. And they're usually, you know, got their head way up Trump's ass. Even they are onto this story about irregular trading that's going on. What is your feeling about that? I mean, they're using words like curious in the head. I'm curious because, like, a couple of minutes before Trump makes some pronouncement, people will be trading and making enormous money. This is on the war in Iran and where oil is going.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

Yep.

[Bill Robinson]

What is your make of this?

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

I mean, I just dropped a bill yesterday on prediction markets and that no one in the government, whether you're a career government person or a political appointee like the president and his kids, anybody, no one should be able to place a bet based on insider information they have on, especially on issues of war and peace. And so what we know from the. I mean, it's just a simple. But just to put it in perspective, you know, you would, you would have people. Before we went into Venezuela, you had a bunch of people get online anonymously and go under the prediction markets and say, I bet we're going to have some military action in Venezuela tomorrow and made a ton of money, same thing ahead of the Iran war. And these are people we can assume who have insider information that we're launching military operations. Number one, that's insider trading. Number two, it's also A complete operational security risk. If you're the Iranians and you're sitting there and you're like, huh, I notice there's a bunch of bets coming in for a war tomorrow. It's like, oh, shit, I think we're about to have a war. So I think that it's just a bad thing all around. All around.

[Bill Robinson]

So what do you do about it? In the past, when Trump has done stuff like this, I'm thinking of the first impeachment over Ukraine. And, you know, plainly it was things he should not have been doing, but that didn't really work. And then they took him to court a number of times when he was out of office that didn't seem to work. Robert Mueller died last week, and somebody wrote a column, and the basic idea was, you know, you guys, you put your energy into these impeachments and court rulings, that's never going to work. You got to win this at the ballot box. So for something like this, do you take this to the level of impeachment? Do you take this to the courts?

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

Well, I think. I think there we are going to have to grapple with the unbelievable corruption that is coming out of this administration. I mean, the president just. His kids alone have earned a billion dollars since he became president, so we're going to have to grapple with that. But the bigger question for us as Americans is it turns out a lot of the things we thought were laws, we thought were real rules were actually just kind of traditions. Right? We had presidents who would just. They would feel ashamed if they got involved in business dealings in the middle of their administration, and there just wasn't real law there. So I think no matter what, whether you're Democrat or Republican, we're going to have to take a hard look at how some of those traditions that were based on good behavior actually need to become law. With real teeth. With real teeth.

[Bill Robinson]

Well, Good luck getting the Republicans to sign onto that, though.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

Well, you know, it'll be interesting. Right now, I mean, you know, a lot of my peers really just, like, salute whatever the President tells them to do. They've sort of ceded their power as a separate branch of government. It's amazing. No, it's amazing.

[Bill Robinson]

Oh, I agree. I'm just saying it's curious to me. I mean, both parties do it to a degree. I feel like there was one that came out after he started this war with Iran. I mean, there's one guy, John Fetterman, who I can think of, who was dissented from the Democratic Party line, is that really the case, that really there's only one person in the whole party who thinks differently. You all miraculously came to the exact same conclusion about Iran.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

I think it's different than that because, you know, I'm someone. I'm a former CIA officer. I did three tours in Iraq. And so I have no love loss for the Iranian government. I mean, the Iranian leadership, you know, killed friends of mine with rockets and mortars and IEDs. But that's different from just running headlong into a war without being able to articulate your goals and how you're going to get out of it.

[Bill Robinson]

See, that's the Democratic talking point I hear all the time, and I don't know if it's true. I think they were planning to say that whether he did it or not. And then he did it, and they just kept saying it, even though they did say many times, okay, we found out that they're very close to the bomb. I mean, that's what came out in the negotiations, that they were bragging that they were like weeks away from having enough to make 11 bombs. To me, it's pretty clear.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

But look, I can say very openly as a national security person, we have for sure degraded their nuclear capabilities, for sure degraded their ballistic missile capabilities. Important things in terms of the Iranian government. But until the Strait of Hormuz is open, you literally just can't say that we've won this war when another country has a veto over what ship goes in and out. So I don't think.

[Bill Robinson]

No, but it's a month old.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

It's a month old. But we're sending in ground troops into that theater.

[Bill Robinson]

We're not there yet, but.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

Yeah, well, they're moving into the Middle East.

[Bill Robinson]

Not on the ground yet. Yes.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

Okay, but he's announced that they're going. So I think, I think. And I'm not saying he's going to use ground troops, but I'm just saying, like, look, Saddam Hussein was a horrible guy, right? Used chemical weapons on his people. Just murderous for years and years and years. So there's no love lost for Saddam Hussein. That doesn't mean that Americans feel great after we got bogged down for years and years and years in the Iraq war. It's not a lot to ask whether you're a Democrat or Republican for a plan when we're just coming off of 20 years of being bogged down in wars.

[Bill Robinson]

But the difference between Iraq is they were absolutely no threat. We absolutely attacked a country that had nothing to do with 9 11. Just because we had this idea of planting a democracy in the middle of the Middle East.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

No, no, I'm sorry. At the time it was that they had wmd, remember? It was like they could threaten us.

[Bill Robinson]

I mean, it turned out not to be true.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

Fair.

[Bill Robinson]

They just wanted to do it.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

The excuse. Right. The reason.

[Bill Robinson]

Right. But Iran has been attacking the west for a long time. They have. Including the ally that is our most important ally in the world and that is Israel. It's not NATO.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

Again, you're not going to get me to put love on the Iranian government. Right. I've seen that all up and close myself, but I don't. Again, I just feel like, especially as someone who served three tours over in Iraq, it's just not hard. And it is totally fair to ask for a plan and to know that we are better in America when we do. Shot like shock and awe, hardcore, quickly rather than get us bogged down like long term we just as a nation, Nation building is not our strength abroad.

[Bill Robinson]

And he would lose me in two seconds on this if he started doing that.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Yep.

[Bill Robinson]

I don't think he will. I think he's a, he's, he's the kind of guy who will definitely abandon you and that might be a good thing in this one. I mean, I don't want to abandon the Iraqi people and the Iranian people. And I wanted to ask you as a CIA analyst, are you surprised that the uprising hasn't happened yet and did you think it would? Do you think it might?

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

I mean, look, my entire life the Iranian people have been under the thumb of an Ayatollah and not. They've had periodic moments where they've really done brave things, but they haven't really pushed it all the way through. The Iranian government is, has a tight grip on that place. And now we've replaced one Ayatollah with another Ayatollah. So I just think the Iranian people are just kind of waiting to see what happens. I don't think any Middle east specialist would tell you that if we went in they would automatically just rise up and overthrow their own government.

[Bill Robinson]

Okay, well, Israel has a way of surprising you with stuff they're doing behind the scenes. We'll see if any pages blow up.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

In the meantime, though, I mean, I have to say one of the last things I saw when I left Michigan a week ago was a 90 minute line outside of Costco for gas. Right. I mean, the American people are feeling the impacts of this war many, many miles away. And that's a very real, real thing for people.

[Bill Robinson]

I Mean, the Democrats could have a whole good slogan about, hey, you're getting rich from the war and we're paying more at the pump. Yeah, I mean, that would work, wouldn't it?

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

Well, it, you know, that's how I

[Bill Robinson]

know you won't do it, because it's

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

simple and easy and concrete. You're not going to get me to defend Democratic messaging. That's not going to be ever something that I'm going to defend. That's part of the problem and why we lost the last election, and we can have a whole autopsy about that. I think for me, what is important going forward, whether you're a Democrat or a Republican, is like, the American people, they're telling us something. They want something different out of their government. They want, like, they want some alpha energy from their leaders. And they certainly, whether you agree with them or not, are getting that from some of the Republicans. And my plea to my own party is like, can we have a little bit more alpha energy? Punch and believe in what we believe in and show people that we give a shit and be simple about addressing the needs that they care about the most. And that has been a struggle, and I'm here to be a part of that change.

[Bill Robinson]

You could run for president for me on that one. Thank you very much. I appreciate you making the trip. I know it wasn't easy. Alyssa's glockin, ladies and gentlemen. All right, let's meet our panel. Thanks. All right. She had me with that last speech. All right. He is the host of Straight Shooter with Stephen A. And the Stephen A. Smith show on SiriusXM and YouTube. Stephen A. Smith is over here, and she is CNN's chief legal analyst and author of Laura Coates Live, airing weeknights on cnn. Laura Coates, back with this. Okay. I hope it wasn't a nightmare for you two to get here. Was it airports and so forth. Were you okay?

[Bill Maher]

I'm good.

[Bill Robinson]

Okay. Hope it seems to be such a primer in the dysfunction of the way this country works, this whole mess. I mean, you could start with Biden and the Democrats, for reasons unknown, or Republicans have their theories, had a completely open border policy. So Trump gets elected on that and then goes way too far the other way and has ICE act like, you know, paramilitary groups in Chile in 1974. And so then when the funding comes up for the Department of Homeland Security, which TSA is a part, the Democrats say, we're not going to do it. We're not going to give any more money as long as ICE is wearing masks. Doesn't need a warrant to break into your home. No body cameras. That was the big sticking point. And because TSA is in this department, they're the one. And they just want to hang out at the airport and do what they do, which is not stop anything from getting through anyway. 80 to 90% of the stuff that's supposed to get stopped doesn't get through anyway.

[Bill Maher]

My stuff always gets stopped.

[Stephen A. Smith]

So does mine. Hell, I get stopped. It's ridiculous sometimes. How many times? Oh, your flag. You gotta do extra. You know, we gotta scan you a few extra times. It's annoying, but, you know, I'll take it to be safe. 30,000ft in the air.

[Bill Maher]

Yes. Well, then my deodorant, though, like, my deodorant's not a problem. My perfume. But I've been a federal employee not getting paid during a shutdown. The idea that you're supposed to do your job well and not know where your childcare, daycare, mortgage, rent, gas, food is coming from. Those are fields that you want people to feel as though they are invested in the job, that they want to almost have an itching to stop whoever comes because they want to show that they're actually in for national security, to not to pay them and have them be a pawn. I don't know how anyone could feel safe.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Well, I'll take it a step further. I slightly disagree. I would like to modify what she said. She said to do your job well. How about to do your job, period? So you go to work and you don't get paid. But meanwhile, the politicians that we send on Capitol Hill to handle their business, to reach in accords so we don't have to go through such things. They're the ones getting paid at the same time that you don't. They're disgusting. It's just that simple. We gotta look at it from this standpoint. 480 TSA workers have quit. According to the latest report, 61,000 went unpacked, paid over the last month. 61,000American citizens. Now, you got to look at it from that standpoint and say, as disgusting as it is, it gets a bit worse when you're looking at the President in the White House and they're projecting that he's made him and his family over 1.4 billion. I think it's about triple that. But that's neither here nor there. You've got other politicians that are doing what they're doing. You got the Democrats sitting up there and talking about how there are some people who Americans need to suffer because they should have never. The 77 million people who voted for for President Trump should have never voted for him to begin with. So maybe we'll allow them to feel voters remorse so they won't make the same mistake twice. And then on the Republican side, you've got them gung ho about the fact that they regained power in office, that they had to deal with the nonsense that they were dealing with when Biden opened the damn borders. Either way you slice it, they're okay. The Americans get screwed and we're left to talk about the horrible job that they.

[Bill Robinson]

That's the second good presidential speech I've heard tonight. Oh, no, really? I mean, it is amazing that when people actually aren't running for president, they sound so much better than the ones who do. You know, what is that? Well, you have to not give a shit.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Well, ladies first. I know you.

[Bill Maher]

No, candidates first.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Well, You know what?

[Bill Robinson]

No, he told me he wasn't doing it.

[Stephen A. Smith]

If they don't mess with my money, I will be a candidate, I'll tell you that right now. But I will tell you this. I mean, listen, they sound that way because they're too busy in keeping their jobs. Instead of doing their jobs, what they're doing. They're in office, they've got a little bit of power, in some cases, a lot of power. And they want to make sure to do things that are politically expedient to maintain their status quo. But in the end, what you're really highlighting is that you're thinking about yourself instead of thinking about your constituents and the American people. We've been lamenting this for quite some time. It's just become a bit more flagrant with Trump in office because you have so many people who hate him, and you have so many people he hate, he hates that ultimately it comes down to the American citizen being a distant third on the chart of things that you should prioritize.

[Bill Maher]

You even saw that just last the other day with the Deputy Attorney General, Todd Blanche, making a comment that they've gotten rid of bragging they've gotten rid of everyone who has helped in the prosecution or investigation of the President of the United States, suggesting that in order for you to be a good public servant and the executive branch, you have to have the ultimate loyalty to the President of the United States. When I was a prosecutor, and I would say Laura Coates, on behalf of the potus, it was the people of the United States. That's right. Not the president. And so you have this idea that you're supposed to have Loyalty to the wrong person. We're not supposed to be a nation where one person is king and the rest of everyone takes a knee. Yet.

[Stephen A. Smith]

I'm in California. I'm in California, Bill. I'm feeling a little bit better right now, but I have to confess to you that over the last couple of weeks, I threw up about three times watching these damn people working for Trump. If I see another one of these administration officials fawning over Donald Trump, I'm going to lose my damn mind. What happened to just doing your job? If somebody walks, I don't care if it's Pete Hegseth. I don't care if it's Kristi Noem before she ultimately was reassigned. I don't care if it's Mark Wayne Mullen, who's the new secretary for the Department of Homeland Security. I don't care. Anybody but Rubio, because he hasn't done that. He's been the adult in the room, the vice president himself. If they went and got the President a cup of coffee, they literally are saying, I just want to applaud your great leadership. He's such a wonderful, great leader. We are so lucky to have him in office. I mean, the kiss. Excuse my language, the kissing of his ass is so. It's so nauseating. It's so nauseating. And listen, I'm saying. I'm not saying. I'm not saying don't do your job. I'm not saying if you believe in his vision, don't be loyal to him. I'm not saying any of that. But the fawning, they don't know breeds such a flagrant level of distrust. Because if you fawn over him so much, you're shoving or throwing objectivity right out the window, and then the chances of us believing that you would ever disagree with him or you would ever speak against him in any way on behalf of the American people is not something we can trust.

[Bill Robinson]

I mean, It's all true. I couldn't argue with anyone. I'm just amazed that 10 years on, people are just still that agitated about it. I just. I'm used to it.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Agitated about what?

[Bill Robinson]

What you just said. The fawning.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Yes.

[Bill Robinson]

I mean, I was doing bits about this, you know, back before I was wearing glasses.

[Stephen A. Smith]

You went ahead of the curve. You went ahead of the curve. But I don't know if it was this bad.

[Bill Robinson]

I know, but it's been going on for a very long time. I just can't. Like, he is who he is. I just can't get constantly.

[Stephen A. Smith]

I'm not talking about him.

[Bill Robinson]

I'm talking up about the same things, which I recognize. I don't condoning them. I'm just saying it amazes me that people could be like, Donald Trump is getting his ass kissed all the time. Like, yeah, yeah, but if you stop

[Bill Maher]

caring and you stop getting agitated, stop caring.

[Bill Robinson]

But that's, you know, that's the net in the tennis game. It's not going away. How do we still win the game?

[Stephen A. Smith]

But it's not that it's not going away. It's growing. I mean, it's worse than. I literally mean if they walked up to him and handed him a cup of coffee, they have to give you a soliloquy about how wonderful and marvelous.

[Bill Robinson]

But here's the thing, here's the thing. The Democrat. We're going to have midterm elections very soon. Now, here's the stats that are important. Seven in 10 people say tariffs have cost them money. Food is up 2.9% since January. Household debt up 4%. Utilities up 6%. Obamacare subsidies cut 22 million people. The Democrats are not going to win this election. The Republicans are going to lose it. There's a difference between not winning and losing. Okay, the Democrats can't not win this because of all this that's going on. But that's kind of.

[Stephen A. Smith]

The Democrats, not the midterms. Not win.

[Bill Robinson]

The Democrats, not the midterms. They've invented ways to do that. Not the midterms. Okay, not the midterms. The midterms are just gonna say, let Trump win this one for us. And that's going to happen. But it's kind of like, I saw this game. You probably, because you see every game some, I think it was the Cavaliers and they, they won like 138 to 132. And the coach after the game was pissed his team won, but he said, like, if we're going to give up 132 points, we're not going anywhere in the playoffs. He's right. Exactly. And that's what this reminds me of.

[Bill Maher]

Well, that's because to your point, maybe if you are simply campaigning on being reactive, if you're simply campaigning on somebody clutching their pearls and being horrified by what's become normalized, then you will not be successful at pointing out what ought to be. If you spend your time focusing on what the standards are, what the national practices ought to be, what the law actually says, what free voting looks like, what the idea of an accessible and free democracy and free press looks like. If you are active and proactive about those things. I think it's difficult for people to look a different direction. But if you spend your time assuming that everyone is going to be as shocked, as disgusted and as willing to be worked up as long as they are, then that is the losing game. Look at your point, you just made. You're shocked that people are still caring about it. If that's the standard.

[Bill Robinson]

I didn't say that. I didn't say caring. I just feel shocked.

[Bill Maher]

It worked out better. Tomato, tomato, you care, but you worked that bad.

[Bill Robinson]

It's so different. It's so different. You still care, but you just, after 10 years, you just can't. I just can't get it up.

[Stephen A. Smith]

For me, it just wait, wait

[Bill Robinson]

for this issue. For this issue. All right, let's.

[Stephen A. Smith]

I just, I look at it from this standpoint. I will say this. If Trump and the administration had stayed on the same path and never sent Tom Homan in to Minnesota and you know, after the two individuals were unfortunately, they unfortunately lost their lives dealing with ice and what have you, if they had stayed on that path and hadn't sent them to Minnesota to handle that, to calm the waters, per se, and Kristi Noem still was allowed to go out there and spend about $200 million advertising herself and talking about DHS and all the things that it was doing. I think that they would be on a path to their own self destruction. Okay. But having calmed that down, I think that it's still possible.

[Bill Robinson]

And that's the disabled.

[Stephen A. Smith]

It could win the midterm.

[Bill Robinson]

And that's between things that matter. Those are actions that actually matter. Yes. The ass kissing and his craziness and that's just, that's just not going to go away till he does.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Right?

[Bill Robinson]

Protein is now at Starbucks and it's never tasted so good. You can add protein cold foam to your favorite drink or try one of our new protein lattes or Matcha. Try it today at Starbucks.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

So good, so good, so good.

[Bill Maher]

New spring arrivals are at Nordstrom Rack stores.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Now.

[Bill Maher]

Get ready to save big with up to 60% off rag and bone. Marc Jacobs, free people and more. How did I not know Rack has Adidas?

[Bill Robinson]

Cause there's always something new.

[Bill Maher]

Join the Nordy Club to unlock exclusive discounts. Shop new arrivals first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite Rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you wreck.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

It's crunch time at work and you

[Bill Maher]

need to bring wings to your workday. Visit redbull.com gettingitdone and answer a couple questions about your work style to get a Spotify customized playlist tuned to your productivity. Plus, score a can of Red Bull on us while you go from to do to done. And remember, Red Bull gives you wings. Supplies are limited. Terms apply. Visit the website for more information.

[Bill Robinson]

Anyway, other stories to cover really important stories. Can you show the headline about Barbie? I thought I had seen everything. This was so disturbing. Barbie sold a discount store test positive for cocaine and fentanyl. Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water. I tell you, this was so disturbing to me. And it's true. Apparently Barbie is into the drugs. And I don't know if you have kids who have Barbie, but we thought as a psa, because we're always trying to do the right thing for America, we would show you some of the signs. Would you like to see if your kid has a Barbie? You might want to look out for these. For example, Barbie, she looks like a troll doll. Now that's the paw patrol dog. Always barks at her purse. She's dating lamar odom. All of her conversations now end with the words, we good, right? Her famous pink Corvette now has Florida plates and trash bags for windows. Bob the builder found her stealing copper wire from a job site. In the Barbie sequel, she's now being played by Courtney Love. Oh, she told Ken he needs to get himself tested. That's. And she's sleeping in the box she came in. Oh, that's so sad. So sad. All right, so big, big story we have not mentioned yet. Let's do it now. Big tech. Finally lost one. Finally lost one. A lot of people are just happy for this because they've never lost one. And this two trials went at New Mexico. $375 million awarded. This is against Meta. That's Facebook and Instagram and YouTube, I think is involved business. But mostly it's Zuckerberg who got the headlines. Lack safety protocols that allowed sexual predators to contact minors. And then the one here in LA we heard a lot about. A young woman named Kaylee got $6 million claiming she was hooked on YouTube and Instagram. And the difference here is that they've always been safe because there was a Shield Law from 1996 that said you can't hold people responsible, hold the companies responsible for the content. This is making the case. The app itself is addictive. They're making the analogy to tobacco companies. You knew it. And they have quotes, by the way, from Meta employees like, lol. I mean, all social media were basically pushers. That's kind of a smoking gun. So they knew they were doing it just like the tobacco companies, and they did it. The counter argument is, doesn't all media try to hook you? Doesn't every product try to hook you and make you come back for more of it? Isn't that the American way?

[Bill Maher]

Well, this is a design defect, right, that they are thinking essentially that they're trying to hook, just like Big Tobacco, as long as possible, the biggest audience, by confronting and trying to go after the most vulnerable minds who don't have perhaps the wherewithal or the restraint or even the ability, plain and simple, to put the phone down, to turn away from it. And so you've got this issue where they were intentionally trying to design an app, whether it's the, you know, auto scroll or it's the infinite scroll, whatever the scroll might be, to make sure that you stayed on it. Kind of like the way they would go after with Joe Campbell and everything else. Young people. So I think this is a very creative and necessary way to go around the section 230 you're talking about that suggests that you're always going to be immunized, that you can do no wrong because somebody else actually said the content. This is. I'm pushing the content. I'm making sure that you never can turn away from the content. Isn't that very much like Big Tobacco and ought it be punished?

[Bill Robinson]

It's very much like lay's potato chips.

[Bill Maher]

Well, I can eat just one.

[Bill Robinson]

You can eat just one?

[Bill Maher]

I can eat just one.

[Bill Robinson]

Okay, but you. Well, things we didn't know about Zula, we find out on this show.

[Stephen A. Smith]

I would say this two things could be true. Everything that you just highlighted is right on the money. And I get that. And when you consider. Consider the algorithms and how things are targeting towards adults, then one could easily argue, you know, you've got mal intent when you're targeting children because they're more vulnerable. And so your willingness to do that, you definitely need to be called to the carpet for it. But in the same breath, that that can be true. It's also true that parental supervision to some degree definitely needs to be something that needs to be addressed. There are a lot of people out here that are deadbeat parents that they're not paying attention to what goes on with their children.

[Bill Robinson]

That's why they think this may lose on appeal.

[Stephen A. Smith]

It probably will lose on appeal or at least be modified to be a lesser penalty. Well, first of all, than it's expected to be.

[Bill Robinson]

There's a problem with the tobacco analogy there, because this. The parents are the cigarette companies in this analogy, because they gave the kid the phone. I mean, this kid was on Instagram @8.8. Okay. You know, this is like. And parents all over the country let their kids go to their room with the phone. It's like, go to your room, kids, and smoke cigarettes in your room. You know, I mean, that's crazy.

[Stephen A. Smith]

There's a level of culpability that has to be placed on the shoulders of the parents to the point where, you know what? It ain't just companies that need to be targeted to some degree. You gotta investigate and probe into what role the parents played and assisting their children. Being vulnerable. Was there a dereliction of duty? Did you pay attention? Were you on top of things? Were you even interested in being on top of things? All of those things fall in line. As far as I'm concerned. If you're gonna go to court, if a judge is looking at it, you should look at all of those things.

[Bill Maher]

I think it's a cop out, though, in some respects, to say that it's just the parent's responsibility. I agree.

[Bill Robinson]

I'm a parent, not just not judged.

[Bill Maher]

I'm saying that I am a parent and I am a very vigilant parent. I'm driving my kids, I'm the one who has the car. And yet I noticed that they know the words to songs I've never played. Now, how does that happen? Right? They're in school for how many hours a day? They're in sports or how many hours? They're in band or whatever else. They're in my car, they're in my house. How do you know all the words to this song? And I'll tell you, that's part of the idea of why. I'd like to know the answer to that, Bill.

[Stephen A. Smith]

We never know as parents. We don't know.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

And so the thing.

[Bill Maher]

But the thing about it is that is that gap, that question that's there is exactly where some companies say, aha, here's where I will find myself nest. And make sure that it flourishes to take advantage of this particular child. And we do this all the time. We bring things into our homes that we don't know are.

[Bill Robinson]

Okay, I don't have kids, so, you know, if I'm off base here, can't you say to your kid, how do you know those words?

[Bill Maher]

I do. And guess what they say. I hear it.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Yeah. Friends, people in school. You're hanging out with, all this stuff on the radio, you've got a Child, I got two daughters.

[Bill Maher]

And so I say this not to say that parents should not be vigilant, but I say that if you think that companies that have a vested monetary interest in making sure that they can hook a consumer for a lifetime are not looking for the moments of vigilance being let down.

[Bill Robinson]

Oh, they are.

[Bill Maher]

That's the whole point. And so why do kids drink? Why do kids smoke?

[Stephen A. Smith]

But what I'm saying, Laura, is. Is you're absolutely right. But the flip side to that is that doesn't mean that if you're a court and a case comes before you, you don't ask. Because every parent ain't as diligent as Laura Coates. A lot of parents drop the ball. A lot of parents ain't doing their job. A lot of parents are out doing their own damn thing, and they don't give a damn about what their kids are doing. They literally say, hey, you got a roof over your head, you got food on the plate. Go live your life. And they're not putting forth their due diligence to make sure they're actually parenting. And as a result, it has a harmful effect, not just on the kid, but on society because of the kind of kid you raise, because you weren't raising them at all. When those kind of things happen, if you got you in a court of law, you know, you probe that, you look into that, you say a case by case basis as it pertains to parent involvement definitely is warranted, especially in cases like this.

[Bill Robinson]

Would you suggest. See what Sir Charles said yesterday about whooping kids?

[Stephen A. Smith]

What did he say? Charles Barkley.

[Bill Robinson]

You gotta spank them.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Oh, no, no, no. I've said this many, many occasions. I mean, luckily, I haven't had to in the last few years. But I'm a dad. I will whip your ass. Make no mistake. You act up, you act up. I'm a black man. Ain't no time out in the corner. Not this way. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You act up, you gonna feel. Make no mistake about it. Now, I understand in this politically. I understand in this politically correct world we're living in, and I call it the Oprah Fide Society. Cause it started with her. And all of these damn explanations for every little thing that went on. Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, and everybody in between came along thereafter. But it never changed in the Smith household. When I acted up, I got my ass whipped. When my father did, he got his ass whipped. It's been passed down through generations. It ain't changing. You understand? You act up and You're a kid and you're disobedient. You're gonna get your ass whipped. There gonna be corporate punishment, pulling a tree branch. No, they did that in my grandfather's days and stuff like that. They gonna do that now. But will you get a spanking in the Smith household? Hell, yes,

[Bill Robinson]

I'm for it.

[Bill Maher]

I'm not gonna come your house.

[Bill Robinson]

Okay. You don't do that.

[Bill Maher]

I. I don't like to be spanked.

[Bill Robinson]

No. No, that's. That's. The point is they don't like it.

[Stephen A. Smith]

That's why they didn't act up.

[Bill Maher]

I'mma leave it alone.

[Bill Robinson]

Yeah, this. This conversation is getting weird. Mrs. Robinson, we have only a few minutes, but you're a big sports guy, and this is a big issue. More than sports. Olympics. What do you make of that story today? That the Olympics have said they are not allowing trans women anymore competing in women's sports? I imagine this is going to be an issue in the Democratic primaries. It's another one where you can make Democrats die on the Hill that they died on last time.

[Stephen A. Smith]

If it's an issue within a Democratic part, that's their own damn problem. Biological men should not be competing against biological girls in sports.

[Bill Robinson]

Period.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Period. I am a supporter of the LGBTQ community. I don't want to get in the way of anybody's civil rights, civil liberties, or anything like that. But what about protecting the young ladies? Young ladies going up against men, you know, biological men. There is no excuse for that. And by the way, you know what? You could be, you know, Liam Thomas, for example, was, you know, was a male, and he was ranked.

[Bill Robinson]

He's like a swimmer now.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Yeah, the swimmer. He was ranked, like, over 400th in the world.

[Bill Robinson]

She.

[Stephen A. Smith]

And then she. And then he became a she. Okay. He became, you know, transitioning. And number one. Well, damn it. Does it really take an Einstein to realize that there's something wrong with that picture? I mean, are we kidding?

[Bill Robinson]

I said no.

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

But we're talking sports.

[Stephen A. Smith]

That's my lane. And I'm telling you, there is no reason for a biological male to be competing in women's sports. We certainly don't see biological women transitioning and trying to compete in men's sports. I don't hear about that.

[Bill Robinson]

But is there when the Democratic debates come. Yeah. Is there one candidate on that stage who's gonna be clear like this, who's gonna just say it outright like that?

[Stephen A. Smith]

No.

[Bill Robinson]

Exactly. And that's why they're going to be vulnerable after they kick ass in the

[Stephen A. Smith]

midterms that's why they've been vulnerable.

[Bill Robinson]

All right, thank you very much. Time for new rules. All right. Okay. New rule. Someone has to break it. To these Venezuelans who poured into the streets to celebrate their victory over the US in the World Baseball Classic, that we didn't even know that was. No, really, enjoy the victory. Just know that while you're honking your horns and dancing the night away, RCIA planned this as a distraction so Trump can take your oil. Woke ain't dead. Here in California this week, they cancelled the governor's debate. The governor's. Because some people were outraged that the top six candidates were all white, even though this is what the people voted for and the people are 62% minority. If their opinion was Javier Becerra is fucking awesome, we'd know. And for the record, just because the top six candidates are all white, it doesn't mean that there's no diversity. I mean, I see all different types of people. I don't want. Now that young people have started knitting to avoid spending too much time on their phones, someone must congratulate them for finding a bigger waste of time than social media. I mean, knitting made sense when we had to make our own clothes, but now we have factories of children for that. Seriously, just shake your ass, kids on TikTok. If option B is to spend all day making a potholder. That's all I'm saying. To save everybody a lot of time, the news media must only report when a member of the Duggar family isn't accused of molesting a kid. Also, you should change the name of the show from 19 kids and counting to 19 counts. I'm not kidding,

[Bill Maher]

Nero.

[Bill Robinson]

Don't make me look at a baby picture of your new grandchild. They all look alike to me. I don't have kids, I don't like kids, and I don't want to see kids. So to me, this is the equivalent of sending me an unsolicited dick pic. It is. Now I know what women feel like. I have to pretend to like it and also be amazed at how proud you are of something so tiny. And finally, new rule. Given the increasing number in recent years of sightings by serious military personnel of unknown aircraft operating outside our current abilities, if at this point you don't believe aliens are here and observing us, maybe you're the conspiracy theorist now. In the past, when it came to alien life, I was like a liberal college girl whose roommate is a lesbian. Not sold on it, but open to the possibility. Look, my opinion changes when the Information changes. Yes. There was a time when the only actual contact we heard from about aliens was rural people who'd been abducted and anally probed. But you don't hear about that anymore.

[Stephen A. Smith]

Why?

[Bill Robinson]

My guess is the aliens gathered all the information they needed about us that they could get through our ass. It's where I'd look. But now they seem to be onto another phase. They seem to want to. Why else is constant playing peek a boo with our military? And it's serious people now, not hippies or hillbillies. Serious people. People with Mike Pence's haircut. Who are saying that they keep seeing things move through air and ocean in ways that defy our future physics. Military pilots who say, yeah, I saw something doing Mach 10, and then it stopped on a dime and disappeared. That's not a drone. That's not something from another country. Even Elon is like, not me.

[Bill Maher]

Now

[Bill Robinson]

the government's official public line is we don't know what these things are. But in private, what they say is, no, seriously, we don't know what the fuck these things are. But they didn't leak from a lab in China. That's why in 2022, Congress had historic first of its kind hearings on what the Defense Department calls unidentified aerial phenomena, formerly called UFOs, but don't dead name them. And again, it's not weirdos and beardos saying this. It's the guys with buzz cuts and security clearances who are spilling the tea. And politicians who you don't think are crazy. People like Chuck Schumer, Harry Reid, Marco Rubio, Kirsten Gillibrand. They're not disputing it. Jimmy Carter said he saw a ufo. George W. Bush said, yeah, there are secrets about aliens. And no, I won't tell you. Barack Obama recently made headlines when he said aliens, quote, are real, but I haven't seen them. Former Director of National Intelligence General James Clapper is on board. And our current Director of National Intelligence has indicated that she believes in the possibility of alien life. Also that it illegally voted for Joe Biden in Georgia. If you don't believe me now, you will in June when Steven Spielberg's movie called Disclosure Day comes out. This on the heels of the documentary from last year called Age of Disclosure. You get it? Disclosure. We're at the disclosure moment in human history, so can we cut the crap? They're here. They came in a sphere. Get used to it. So. So if I may, I would now like to address the aliens directly

[Stephen A. Smith]

in

[Bill Robinson]

my capacity as the most rational person on Earth, which I'm sure they know. I'm sure they know everything about me. If they figured out intergalactic travel, I'm guessing they have cable. And so, as the representative of all humans, the first thing I'd like to say to you is, hi. Please don't kill us. Even though you could, Probably just by pushing a button. And I'm guessing you think about it every time you see Jake Paul's podcast. Look, we've seen you go from zero to what the fuck was that? In half a second. We get it. There's no sense trying to fight you. Two years ago, one of our drones launched a Hellfire missile at a high speed orb and it hit it and just bounced off. First of all, I'd just like to offer an apology for that on behalf of all humans. That was our bad. That was dumb. And yes, we do have a lot of dumb people here. Assholes, hotheads, shitheads, manosphere morons, meatheads. And that's just the conservatives. Don't get me started on the woke. So it certainly would be understandable if you decided we were just too stupid to live. It must be maddening studying us because we are obviously capable of advancements that aren't completely embarrassing, like gene editing and cloud computing, but were also idiots. We're the species that created the Internet, but also the one that once broke it with this chick's ass. So. So I don't know what we can offer you. The stuff that we think makes living here great. I'm guessing you're way beyond sex and good food and getting fucked up. I. I doubt if you care about that stuff. Minerals. We got them. I don't know if that still interests you. You may be beyond them, or maybe ours are obsolete. Although, have you heard about clean coal? But yeah, I don't know what we have here for you. Climate. We think ours is pretty uniquely pleasant in the universe, but who knows what you have? But just so you know, ours has trillions of viruses in it. And that's what killed the aliens in War of the Worlds. Just pointing that out as a friend because I'd like to to think we are friends after all. If you wanted us dead, we'd be dead already. Truth is, you may be here to save us, not kill us. In 1967, an Air Force captain and nuclear crew commander who were there revealed an incident when something unidentifiable hovered over Maelstrom Air Base in Montana. And then miraculously, 10 nuclear weapons suddenly became disabled. Was something about to go terribly wrong and you stepped in whatever it is, please do more shit like that. Please feel free to beat our swords into plowshares because plainly we're not going to do it. Get us off oil, get us off our phones. And AI, the father of AI said there was a 10 to 20% chance of it being an extinction event and yet we keep hurtling forward with it as we do with global warming and the factory farming that causes pandemics. Look, it would be great if we could stop ourselves from self destructive behavior, but the truth is you should think of the human race as Britney Spears. It would be nice if we didn't need a conservatorship, but in reality we really do. Thank you aliens. Thank you people. That's our show. We're off next week and back on April 10th. I want to thank Stephen A. Smith, Laura Coates and Senator Alyssa Slotkin. Club Random is on Every Monday on YouTube. Or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Now go watch Overtime on YouTube. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

[Bill Maher]

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch him anytime on HBO on Demand. For more information, log on to hbo.com

[Senator Alyssa Slotkin]

spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho. Look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you. And hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling, Ross. Work your magic.

[Bill Maher]

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