Transcript
Bill Maher (0:00)
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Bill Maher (0:29)
Kraft Mac and cheese is better than 90s hip hop. We'll remind you of your childhood without making you feel incredibly old. Kraft Mac and Cheese. Best thing ever.
Bill Maher (0:44)
Welcome to an hbo podcast from the hbo late night series real time with bill maher.
Bill Maher (1:25)
Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Thank you. All right. Thank you, people. Great to see you. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. All right. Please, you're making me blush. Thank you so much. I know you're so glad you're in a good mood. Thank you very much. Thank you. I know why you're happy today, because Trump said today we will not be using nuclear weapons in Iran. I didn't know that was on the table, but okay, let's. Oh, great. Oh, this Iran, it's a little. It's gotten a little Groundhog Day, isn't it? It's always kind of the same story every week. We're seizing their boats, they're seizing our boats. It's less like a war and more like a Florida divorce. It's. No, It's kind of become a war of, you block me. No, I block you. Straight or Hormuz. You think you can fuck it up or we could fuck it up. That's our plan now, is to win slowly by destroying their economy. Hopefully their economy. Yeah. It was Earth Day this week, but we found out we still use a lot of oil. Nobody could afford gas. This week, Tiger woods crashed his bicycle. Wow, that is a. Eric Swalwell has been turning off the engine of the car. When he gets blown. Now he just. Really still some residual affection for Eric Swalwell. Wow. Okay. But, you know, it's not just gas. You know, it turns out everything is made of petroleum products. Did you see this week, condoms. Who knew? Condoms. Condoms. Yes. They're getting trapped in the straight o' Hormuz. So condoms are now very scarce and very expensive. More bad news for Mike Vrabel. No, the condoms situation is so serious that we are changing the name from Operation Epic Fury to the Trojan War. And yet. And yet lately, Trump on the war has been so chill. Have you noticed that? I know it's not like him to veer erratically, but, you know, a couple of weeks ago, it was, if you don't do what he would say today, I'm going to destroy your civilization, bomb the shit out of you. You think your pencils and dolls are expensive. Whoa. And now it's like, is it really a war? It's more of a situation, really, I think. And the problem is, he keeps saying, we won, and we didn't. We didn't. Hormuz is not open. The people did not do an uprising. The regime is still in place. We did not win. Sorry. And in social media, he keeps rubbing their noses in the victory we don't have. Every day. Every day, he tweets out stuff that's inflammatory and contradictory. All these bullshit claims. I gotta say, you can say what you want about his negotiating tactics. One tactic you can't get him on is the silent treatment. Turns out the one thing we are really good at is killing their leaders who are too stupid to go underground when we're trying to kill them. That's what we're. The current ayatollah, who's the son of the old ayatollah, Turns out he's very gravely wounded. He was badly burned, can hardly speak when he sentences people to death, now he has to do it with a look. Very sad. Oh, and in the middle of this war, here's big news. Pete Hegseth fired a white guy. Yeah. The Secretary of the Navy. And, wow, this guy must have done some bad shit. That doesn't happen a lot with Pete Hegseth, but it was either a war crime or knowing that administration. There was a picture of him with huge fake balloon tits. It's one of the two. Oh, there's a. There's a lot of talk this week about drinking in the Trump administration, which is ironic, as Trump is a complete teetotaler. But, you know Pete Hegseth, There was some rumors about him. Head of the FBI, Cash Patel. He is suing the Atlantic. He denies it, but they wrote an article saying he drinks too much. The labor secretary this week resigned amid allegations that she drinks too much on the job, that she had an affair with her security guy and was, you know, going on trips. And I think it's true that she might be a bit of a party girl. Well, because she once said, as labor secretary, my first priority is to improve twerking conditions. An indication, I think. And. And here's exciting news. The Michael Jack opens today, Showings are 7, 9, and 11, just like the victims. All right, we've got a great show. We have. Sarah Isger and Chris Cuomo are here. But first up, he is a bestselling author and a U.S. army veteran, and he currently serves as the 63rd governor of Maryland. Governor Wes Moore. Governor, how are you? Good to see you again. See you again.
