ShortHand: Anne Boleyn – The "Great Whore" Queen

Summary

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RedHanded: ShortHand – Anne Boleyn, The "Great Whore" Queen

Release Date: May 19, 2026
Episode Focus: Anne Boleyn – Her dazzling rise, catastrophic fall, and lasting legacy in English history.

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Episode Overview

In this ShortHand episode, the RedHanded hosts explore the dramatic life and swift demise of Anne Boleyn, the second wife of Henry VIII. The discussion dives into Anne’s upbringing, her family’s ambitions, her powerful influence at court, the king’s break with Rome, and the scandalous events that led to her execution. The hosts deconstruct Anne’s transformation from political asset and queen consort to beheaded “Great Whore,” examining her story’s impact on centuries of English history and pop culture.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Six Wives in Context

Timestamps: 01:02–05:11

• The famous rhyme: "Divorced, beheaded, died; divorced, beheaded, survived." (01:07)
• The hosts banter about the notoriety and personalities of each wife:
  • “Each wife is like the polar opposite of the wife before. He's just like, pendulum swinging all over the place.” (Host 1, 02:43)
  • Anne is discussed as a “sexy, witchy” contrast to Catherine of Aragon, the “pious” first wife, and Jane Seymour, the “subservient” third. (02:43–03:01)
• Their admiration and commentary set the tone for Anne’s standout legacy in Tudor history.

2. Anne Boleyn’s Family and Ambitions

Timestamps: 06:10–08:58

• Anne’s probable birthplace (Norfolk or Kent, c. 1501) and her family’s rise from provincial gentry to a “bona fide dynasty.” (Host 1, 06:10–06:53)
  • “Anne’s father, Sir Thomas Boleyn, was a well respected courtier and his ambitions for his small family were sky high. Think of him as a kind of 1500s Kris Jenner.” (06:53)
• Emphasis on Anne’s humanist education and continental experience, including service at the European courts.
• The family’s master plan: both Anne and her sister Mary become ladies in waiting at the English court—Mary first as Henry’s mistress, then Anne’s ascendance.

3. Anne’s Arrival at Court and Relationship with Henry

Timestamps: 10:08–14:33

• Anne returns from France, bringing style, wit, flirtatiousness—and infamy—back to the English court.
  • “She came back speaking French and playing a mean lute with her six fingers…worldly, cultured, witty, and above all, chic.” (Host 2, 10:13)
• Her charisma captivates, even though contemporaries call her “plain-looking.” Her weapon: charm and intelligence, not classic beauty. (10:52–11:08)
• Henry’s obsession develops: Anne plays hard to get, fueling the king’s desire.
  • “Anne’s masterstroke here—or death warrant, depending on how you look at it—was that she played extremely hard to get…” (Host 1, 13:36)
• Anne refuses to be a mistress, holding out for marriage and ensuring a royal future for her children.

4. The Break with Rome and Anne’s Political Influence

Timestamps: 14:33–18:38

• Anne’s ultimatum (no sex before marriage) puts Henry in a bind, motivating him to seek an annulment—a move that leads to the English Reformation.
  • “Any move to the contrary would plunge the country into centuries of political and religious turmoil. But…Henry really wanted to marry Anne Boleyn.” (Host 2, 14:33)
• Anne becomes “Marquise of Pembroke,” wields new political influence, and introduces Henry to reformist literature, arguing for the king’s supreme religious authority (15:48–16:54).
• She’s portrayed as both instigator and intellectual behind the break from Rome, though the episode notes that the Reformation was a broader movement Henry capitalized on for his personal aims.

5. Marriage, Coronation & Downfall

Timestamps: 18:38–24:15

• Henry, risking conflict with the powerful Spanish Empire, secretly marries Anne—already pregnant—then declares his first marriage null and void (18:10–18:38).
• Anne’s coronation: a spectacle of power and pageantry, but the birth of a daughter, Elizabeth, deeply disappoints Henry and curtails celebrations (19:50–19:59).
• Despite sharp political strategy and court influence, Anne is valued “for one purpose and one purpose only: making them boys." (20:26)
• Repeated miscarriages—including a son lost after Henry’s serious jousting accident—are described as devastating for Anne and transformative for Henry.
  • “When he learned of the miscarriage, he whispered, ‘I shall have no sons by her.’” (Host 1, 21:19)
• Anne’s enemies spread rumors of witchcraft, six fingers, “a devilish spirit,” and even incest. Her public image is systematically destroyed.

6. Arrest, Execution, and Aftermath

Timestamps: 25:33–31:58

• Court musician Mark Smeaton tortured into confessing adultery with Anne; others, including her brother, are accused with her.
  • “Mark Smeaton, who was also…rumored to be not into ladies, let's just say.” (Host 1, 25:58)
  • “Anne denied…on the grounds that he was the worst dressed man in the palace.” (Host 1, 26:12)
• Anne’s sham trial, carried out in the same Tower rooms where she prepared for her coronation (28:01).
  • “I heard the executioner was very good, and I have a little neck.” (Anne’s reported quote, 28:20)
• Execution carried out with a specially summoned French swordsman for a quick, clean death—a curious gesture of “mercy” from Henry (29:30–29:49).
  • Anne’s final words: “I come hither to die, for according to the law, and by the law I am judged to die and therefore I will speak nothing against it. I pray God save the King for a gentler nor a more merciful prince was there never.” (Host 1, 29:49)
• Henry erases Anne's legacy, marries Jane Seymour eleven days later, and finally gets his longed-for son.

7. Legacy of Anne and Her Descendants

Timestamps: 31:58–36:18

• The hosts quickly summarize the subsequent wives and England’s religious chaos, before focusing on Anne’s daughter: “Finally, when [Mary I] died, in came Elizabeth, Anne Boleyn’s daughter. And with her came what’s known as the Elizabethan settlement…” (Host 1, 33:20)
• The Elizabethan era is celebrated as a golden age, owing—ironically—to the daughter Anne gave Henry in “disappointment.”
  • “I do not wish to make windows into men’s souls.” (Elizabeth I’s ethos, cited by Host 1, 34:23)
• Discussion of rumors about Anne and Elizabeth’s “long (six?) fingers,” tongue-in-cheek (35:06).
• Brief coda on Mary Boleyn: she opts out of dynastic ambition for a quiet life, saying, “I had rather beg my bread with him than be the greatest queen christened.” (Host 2, 36:15)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Host 2 [03:42] on Anne of Cleves: “She’s very smart. She’s like, ‘All right, I’ll just take all this money and…have a great fucking free life.’”
• Host 1 [13:36] on Anne’s strategy: “Anne’s masterstroke here, or death warrant depending on how you look at it, was that she played extremely hard to get…”
• Host 2 [14:33] on Henry’s situation: “She’d only give herself physically to him if it was as his wife. Which put Henry VIII in a very tight spot because he was already married to a big fat Catholic.”
• Anne’s last words [29:49]: “I come hither to die, for according to the law, and by the law I am judged to die… I pray God save the King for a gentler nor a more merciful prince was there never.”
• Host 1 [30:53], on the swordsman's technique: “What he actually does is he calls out and she turns around and looks and he does it then. …So she doesn’t even know it's coming.”
• Host 1 [34:20] on Elizabeth I: “She just drags England out of that, like, as much as possible out of that petty fighting and into… a golden age.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:07 – The wives’ rhyme, Tudor fascination
• 06:10 – Anne’s birth, Boleyn family ambitions
• 10:13 – Anne’s chic entry into English court
• 13:36 – Anne’s hard-to-get strategy, Henry’s obsession
• 15:48 – Anne’s reformist influence, break with Rome
• 18:10–18:38 – Secret marriage, high political risk
• 19:50–19:59 – Birth of Elizabeth, abrupt end to celebrations
• 21:19 – Henry: “I shall have no sons by her.” (After miscarriage)
• 25:33–26:12 – Smeaton’s coerced confession, the charges against Anne
• 28:20 – Anne’s “little neck” quip before execution
• 29:49 – Anne’s final speech
• 31:58 – Jane Seymour, later Tudor turmoil
• 33:20 – Elizabeth I’s ascension
• 36:15 – Mary Boleyn’s choice for love over ambition

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Overall Tone & Style

• Conversational, irreverent, darkly humorous. The hosts mix fact with cheeky asides, sarcasm, and empathy.
• Frequent modern pop culture comparisons (e.g., Kardashians, Kris Jenner, Six the Musical).
• Firmly feminist reading of Anne as both a power player and victim of patriarchal politics.

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Conclusion

This episode presents Anne Boleyn not just as a tragic figure beheaded by a tyrannical king, but also as a pivotal force in English history. Through witty dialogue and sharp commentary, RedHanded untangles the drama, deceit, and lasting consequences of Anne’s thousand days as queen—tracing her influence from scandal to the golden age of Elizabeth I and even to the modern musical stage.

Transcript

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[Host 2]

Hello. Hello. We've got a poem to kick us off.

[Host 1]

Let's do it. How high bruh is it?

[Host 2]

Can we even call it a poem? A rhyme, some couplets? Actually, it's just six words. Anyway. Here in the uk, where we only learn about the Nazis and the Tudors, sometimes ancient Egypt, there is a rhyme drilled into every child on this island. Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.

[Host 1]

I love the Tudors. I love the Tudors.

[Host 2]

Who's your favourite wife?

[Host 1]

Oh, my favourite wife. Anne's up there. Anne Boleyn's up there. Right. She is a very, very interesting character. Like, that's a fucking hot take. But I think when we went to go watch Six the musical, which I fucking loved, Anne of Cleese was my favorite. I can't remember her song. House of Cleaves. House of. Was that. Was it. It was like the house one.

[Host 2]

Yes, Something like something out. Castle. Something. Yeah.

[Host 1]

Anyway, go watch it. It was really good.

[Host 2]

Yeah, Six is good.

[Host 1]

Six was very good.

[Host 2]

Edinburgh show.

[Host 1]

Oh, fantastic. Outstanding work. But I think, yeah, I think like Catherine of Aragon, she's a bit boring. Boring. She's a bit pie. Like, I. I think she's a very strong woman because she, at so many points could have just been like, yeah, Henry, here's a divorce, I'll go fuck off and, like, die and wherever. But she doesn't. She's like, no, I am your wife and you are not fucking getting rid of me. So I give her that. I give her that. She's a very strong woman. And then you've got Anne. Like, Anne is Anne. We're going to talk about Anne. She's, you know, top bitch Anne. And then who's the third wife? The third wife?

[Host 2]

Jane Seymour.

[Host 1]

Jane Seymour. And the thing with Henry is like, each wife is like the polar opposite of the wife before. That's like, he's just like, pendulum swinging all over the place. You've got pious Catherine of Aragon. You've got, you know, Anne, who's like this sexy, witchy Anne. Sexy, cunning, witchy Anne. And then you've got.

[Host 2]

And she's French.

[Host 1]

Jane Seymour. No, she's English, but she goes to France.

[Host 2]

She speaks French.

[Host 1]

She's raised in the court in France. And then you've got Jane Seymour, who is very, like. I don't know how much she actually is, but she definitely plays that part of, like, subservient wife. I will do what you want. She's also the only wife to give him a son. And then out of Cleves, I think, then who is. Comes along and he's like, I don't like you. Don't like you.

[Host 2]

He called her a Flemish horse.

[Host 1]

He did. We can get into why in another episode, because I don't know if it was actually because he thought she was ugly. But anyway, he gets rid of her. And she's very smart. She's like, all right, I'll just take all this money and I'll go and I'll, like, live in England and have a great fucking free life. And he actually basically gives her the status of almost like King's sister. And she actually lives a very, very nice life.

[Host 2]

They also never actually got married.

[Host 1]

Yes, Annulled. There you go. Whatever happened there. And then Katherine Howard was the next one, and she's, like, basically a teenager, and she's just. Henry sees her as, like, a sexy nymph, basically. And then finally, we have Katherine Parr, who. There was that movie that came out starring Monica Fernanda. Or am I confusing that with the jury?

[Host 2]

I don't know. I'm not in your brain.

[Host 1]

She's married to Fassbender. Alicia Vikander. I think that's her name, anyway. And it's called Firebrand because Katherine Parr was actually a very, very intelligent woman and a real firebrand. But she kind of gets overshadowed by Anne a lot, but that's it. But I would. Yeah, they're all good.

[Host 2]

I don't know if I have a favorite, but I definitely think about Katherine Howard more than I think about the other ones.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

Because, I mean, I think it's just really horribly tragic. And she, like, practices before they behead her.

[Advertiser 2]

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[Host 1]

I think the Tudors is such an. Endure is such a compelling story because you've all of these personalities. You've got Henry at the middle of it, who is just like this. Who's, like a young, attractive, fiery, Guy who then turns into this tyrant. It's got everything you need. And I have watched the Jonathan Rhys Meyers Tudors at least three times and I love it.

[Host 2]

I also think Katherine Howard's one of the best ghost stories that she's supposed to just run down that corridor again and again and again and again. Anyway, now go and sit your GCSE in history. You will pass. That's all you need. Okay.

[Host 1]

I think we should do one on all of the six wives because I'm obsessed, but we'll start with that.

[Host 2]

Let's start with Bobo. Within Henry VIII's six marriages is a story of such staggering political and emotional drama that it sent the country into an absolute meltdown. And the chaos would take centuries to untangle. We're told in school hundreds of times that Henry is a power mad, reckless, horny king who sacrificed his country so he could chase a bit of skirt. But today we are going to put the spotlight on probably the most intriguing, enigmatic and downright dangerous of Henry VIII's six wives, Anne Boleyn. We're also going to look at her family's sky high dynastic ambition and how a high achieving political force was reduced to a baby making machine. And how when she didn't deliver, she paid with her head. Here is the shorthand.

[Host 1]

Anne Boleyn was probably born in Norfolk or Kent, probably in about 1501. No one knows for sure. And the Boleyns were serious social climbers. Only a few generations back, they'd been pretty unremarkable provincial gentry, but Anne's great granddad made an impressive fortune as a merchant in London and even rose to become Lord Mayor of London. And from then on, they were a bona fide dynasty. Anne's father, Sir Thomas Boleyn, was a well respected courtier and his ambitions for his small family were sky high. Think of him as a kind of 1500s Christiana.

[Host 2]

That's very funny and also a very good example.

[Host 1]

Sir Thomas had already married up. His wife, Elizabeth Howard, was the daughter of the Duke of Norfolk, one of the most powerful men in the country. They had three surviving Mary, George and Anne Boleyn. Thomas was a humanist and had some pretty progressive ideas, one of which was that his daughter should be educated to the same level as his son. So he decided to pull on some strings with his royal connections and get Anne a gig as a handmaiden. So in 1513, 12 year old Anne was sent to the court to Margaret, Archduchess of Austria. And Anne stepped up. Before long, Margaret herself gave the following glowing review. I find her so bright and pleasant for her young age. After a few years, Anne secured a spot within the French court and served under two French queens.

[Host 2]

She was eventually ordered home by her father just as soon as a spot opened up in the English courts. It was all part of the Boleyn master plan. By this time, Anne's older sister, Mary Boleyn had become the king's mistress. Wasn't Catherine of Aragon, didn't she marry Henry's brother before him and then he died?

[Host 1]

Yeah, that's like the whole basis on which Henry says he tries to get the marriage with Catherine annulled. He says, she slept with my brother and therefore she never should have married me. And that's why God won't give us a son. But Catherine says when she marries Henry's older brother, they're like teenagers. And she says, we never had sex. We never ever had sex. So that becomes like a big question about whether that actually happened or not.

[Host 2]

Blah, blah, blah.

[Host 1]

But yeah, she was married to her

[Host 2]

brother first, so I have a lot of sibling swapping going on. Not unlike the Kardashians. It's true. Travis Barker went out with Khloe.

[Host 1]

Maybe we can. Yeah, do a whole thesis on the parallels between Henry VIII and Kris Jenner.

[Host 2]

Don't even fucking tempt me with a good time, mate.

[Host 1]

Like.

[Host 2]

Cause that would take over my whole life and then I would never get anything else done.

[Host 1]

Let's do it. Maybe it's. Maybe it's our. Our shot at. Shot at big. The big times.

[Host 2]

Finally getting a documentary.

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[Host 2]

Anyway, so both Berlin girls became ladies in waiting to Henry VIII's first wife, Catherine of Aragon. At English court, Anne was a sensation. She spent her teenage years futzing around the hoity toity French court. So she came back speaking French and playing a mean lute with her six fingers. And she brought back with her all sorts of fun new dances and fashions. She was worldly, cultured, witty, and above all, the most important thing. Anyone can be chic. And she was a hell of a flirt. She was said to have dark eyes that she well knew how to use with effect. And she was soon courted by various lords and highfalutin poets around the court.

[Host 1]

Though important to say, everyone said she was quite plain looking.

[Host 2]

Yes, I've read that she was quite plain looking.

[Host 1]

They said she had quite like sallow skin and dark eyes and dark hair and nobody was. And I think people even said, like, she wasn't much of a beauty, but she is a very charismatic character.

[Host 2]

One suitor, Lord Henry Percy, actually made moves to marry Anne, but his attempts were officially blocked and Lord Percy was banished from London. And that order had come all the way from the very top. Anne's father's plan had worked. Anne had attracted the attention of King Henry viii himself. In March 1522, when Anne was in her early twenties, she was in a play for Shrove Tuesday. The play was what was known as a court masque, a bonkers pageant that's very specific to the Tudor era. And I just. It's very difficult to explain. The play went like this. Eight gentlewomen wearing silk to represent the eight virtues, and they were waiting for eight gentlemen to show up, storm the tower and liberate them from vice. The King was naturally in attendance at his own court, his own court, little play, and he liked what he saw.

[Host 1]

So let's meet England's most famous king. If you know one thing about Henry viii, it's probably, well, the whole six wives thing, but a close second is that he really, really, really wanted a son. And I think wanted isn't strong enough. He needed a son. Henry needed a son. He was very nervy about his lineage and there were lots and lots of people who were vying for the crown. The Tudors were very early in their day at this point, and there were lots of people, some people who had much stronger claim to the throne than Henry did. And he knew if he didn't have a son, there was no way he was going to secure the future for the Tudors. By the 1520s, he had been married to his first wife, Catherine of Aragon, for a decade. And by this point, Catherine was in her 40s and so far had only given birth to one surviving child, and that was a girl. By this point, Henry was going off his wife and his mistress, Mary Boleyn, and pretty soon he was going after Anne. His surviving love letters show his growing infatuation. One said his heart belonged to Anne alone and hoped his body would soon too. He said he'd been stricken with a dart of love and he signed it off with a love heart around Anne's initials. And when Anne fell ill from a mysterious sweating sickness, Henry had her escorted back home to Kent and sent his best doctor to care for her.

[Host 2]

The sweating sickness is so interesting. It just went away.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So one of those things that, like, it used to be absolutely everywhere and then it just vanished.

[Host 1]

Yeah. But Anne's masterstroke here, or death warrant, depending on how you look at it, was that she played extremely hard to get, which to an insecure and sensationally randy king who's used to getting his way, was fucking fuel on the fire, mate. And again, look, there is a lot of talk of this, and up until this point, it is true. Anne refused his offers to become a mistress like her sister. She was in it for the big time. Though I do have to say, a lot of people say later, she, like, doesn't have sex with him, she won't have sex with him until they actually get married. And a lot of people like, look, she's so devious. The thing is, we don't have a lot of the letters, so we don't actually know what was going on. This is just what's assumed. I also think Anne is not fucking stupid. Yeah, exactly. She knows that if she gets pregnant before they get married, that kid's a fucking bastard. And she is like, no, no, no, no, no. The fruits of my loin will wear the crown. And so I think she's also very smart.

[Host 2]

And, you know, as any woman who has lived in the world will know, nobody in the world is nicer to you than a man who hasn't fucked you yet. Knowing Henry was getting twitchy about his lineage, Anne gave the King an ultimatum. She'd only give herself physically to him if it was as his wife. Which put Henry VIII in a very tight spot because he was already married to a big fat Catholic. And England had followed the doctrines of the Roman Catholic Church for a thousand years. It expressly forbade divorce as a Cardinal sin against God. Any move to the contrary would plunge the country into centuries of political and religious turmoil. But then, on the other hand, Henry really wanted to marry Anne Boleyn. So for the decade or so after Henry first saw Anne, there followed probably the most awkward atmosphere in all of our royal palaces until early 2026. Living in the palace was the King's current wife, a devoutly Catholic, pious woman. And also there was Anne, who was slowly being very publicly promoted from side piece to de facto queen. All the while, Henry was running around plotting ways in which he could make it all official.

[Host 1]

He made Anne into the Lady Marquise of Pembroke, which gave her the status she needed to accompany Henry on all of his trips abroad. And her political influence only grew and grew. She became a trusted advisor to the King in key matters of state. And from her time in the Austrian and French courts, Anne also had strong reformist ideals, wanting to separate the state from the Church and rewrite the religious rulebook. And she gave Henry all sorts of reformist books to read. These books argued that, according to the Bible, kings had the divine right to supreme authority and shouldn't be ordered around by some pope. Sometimes this story seems to be a bit cartoonish and exaggerated. So is it really true that Henry VIII messed the whole country up for centuries, causing bloody wars and monumental political arrest just so he could get a divorce? Well, kind of. But Reformation wasn't just cooked up by Henry as an excuse to ditch his Catholic wife. It was a very real growing movement. Henry just seized on it because it suited his agenda and also fed his ego.

[Host 2]

And predictably, there were a lot of slimy political machinations associated with Reformation. People who saw the King's royal horniness as an opportunity. And one of those was Thomas Cromwell. Cromwell had a bold new plan for Henry to move forward without the Pope. Marianne, start our very own version of Church with added divorce and make England great again. For this brave idea, Thomas Cromwell was made the King's deputy. So between Anne's tactical reading list, the promise of finally bedding his paramour and toady courtier's promising him the world if he sacked off the Pope, Henry was all in. He spent six years petitioning the Pope to annul his marriage. He was trying to argue, as Saroo said, because Catherine had been his brother's widow, it was all illegitimate from the very start. But the Pope stayed firm. So Henry pulled the trigger. Catherine of Aragon was dismissed from court, and before he was even divorced, Henry married Anne Boleyn in secret. By their official marriage in January 1533, Anne was already pregnant. In May, Henry made his new Archbishop of Canterbury pronounce his marriage to Catherine null and void.

[Host 1]

And also another thing just to quickly add, like the risk he is taking with that, not an easy throwing off the Pope. He's also divorcing Catherine of Aragon, who is the fucking aunt of the Emperor of Spain at the time, who is the most powerful force in Europe at that time, you know, the Spanish Armada, et cetera, et cetera. And he's like, sorry, what? You're divorcing my aunt? Big, big risk, big risk.

[Host 2]

Henry made plans for a new church, the Church of England, and he would be its supreme leader. And the Pope was furious.

[Host 1]

Anne was escorted by boat down the Thames to the Tower of London. She stayed there for a month, preparing for her coronation on 1 June 1533. In a white cloth of gold, over fur trimmed purple robes, her hair flowed freely to symbolize her purity and virginity, despite the fact that she was very visibly, very heavily pregnant.

[Host 2]

Details, symbolism is much more important.

[Host 1]

She was paraded through the streets all the way to Westminster. Along the way, various spectacles and pageants had been prepared for the Queen's journey. And she was crowned in a spectacular ceremony at Westminster Abbey. For the next few weeks, there were feasts, balls and jousting and all of this pomp and ceremony was very important. The public were going to take some winning over on this whole divorce thing. But for Henry, it was all going according to plan. He was absolutely convinced his male heir was finally on the way. When Anne's due date approached, more tournaments, processions and week long celebrations were planned. But it was a girl.

[Host 2]

It was Margot Robbie.

[Host 1]

Henry's disappointment was palpable and the celebrations were all quietly cancelled.

[Host 2]

But despite this shaky start, Anne's time as Queen was impressive. She contributed some sharp political strategy, had huge influence over the court. But if you know anything about Anne Boleyn, it's definitely that she was number two of six. So her days in the palace were numbered.

[Host 1]

Yeah, and if you remember the rhyme from the start of the episode, it's divorced, Beheaded.

[Host 2]

For all her contributions in court, in the King's eyes, Anne was there for one purpose and one purpose only. Making them boys. Just months after Elizabeth's birth, Anne was pregnant again. But she miscarried. And by the time her third pregnancy kicked in, tensions were already growing. This time, success was essential. They'd torn the country in half over this second chance to try for a Tudor heir. The pressure was immense. And then one day out, Jousting Henry was knocked off his horse. He fell hard, lay motionless for hours. And somehow Anne, pregnant, vulnerable and under immense strain, heard a rumour that the King had died. She collapsed and miscarried the same day.

[Host 1]

And it was a boy. This miscarriage would have been devastating for an already strung out Anne. But the accident that had caused it also changed Henry for the worst. It left him with permanent damage and he could no longer mount a horse without help. He became angry and volatile and more suspicious and paranoid. When he learned of the miscarriage, he whispered, I shall have no sons by her. He was a superstitious man and started to question his decision more and more. It's a tale as old as time. Cheated, got what he wanted, lost interest, and his royal eye started a roving. His new infatuation was a lady in waiting called Jane Seymour. It was also Anne's second cousin. And again it was tense. Once, when Anne saw Jane wearing a picture of Henry around her neck, she snatched it off so violently, though, she injured her own hand.

[Host 2]

Fair enough.

[Host 1]

They are still married.

[Host 2]

And it wasn't just love rivalries playing out in the palace. The politics of Henry's big, beautiful church bill were catching up to him. European connections started to fall apart as leaders that were still loyal to the Pope refused to acknowledge the new marriage. Anne already had her enemies at court. There were plenty of traditionalists who were still sore about what she did to Catherine of Aragon. And once it was clear that she was on the way out, the propaganda machine kicked in. One of Boleyn's detractors claimed that she had a devilish spirit, while another imaginatively called her a goggle eyed whore.

[Host 1]

Oh, dear.

[Host 2]

I don't know what goggle eye means. Far apart. Close together. Big. Small.

[Host 1]

Big.

[Host 2]

Wonky.

[Host 1]

Big and wonky.

[Host 2]

Mmm.

[Host 1]

At least big.

[Host 2]

Plus, ever since Anne's third pregnancy ended in a stillborn boy, rumours of witchcraft followed her wherever she went. As did the still quite prevalent rumour that she had six fingers on her right hand. The old guard started whispering to the King about how Anne had caused all of this upheaval with her pesky reformist ways. Until in 1536, Henry pulled the trigger again.

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[Host 1]

On 30 April 1536, a court musician named Mark Smeaton confessed. Confessed, confessed in air quotes to a sexual relationship with Anne. And I say confessed with a little smattering of scepticism because he was tortured until he confessed to this sexual encounter.

[Host 2]

Social climate. Anne Boleyn is not going to be fucking a musician.

[Host 1]

Yeah, you would think so. I think Anne was smarter than that to give in to some sort of carnal desire for Mark Smeaton. Mark Smeaton, who was also, and again, don't know, this was 500 years ago, rumoured to be not into ladies, let's just say so. When Anne herself was interrogated, she mentioned the name of another man who'd once professed his love to her. Suddenly, an accusation of an affair with this man was also added to the list. She denied this one on the grounds that he was the worst dressed man in the palace. However, and it is true, I think again, it's a very long time ago, but Anne hadn't been a virgin coming into Henry VIII's bed. Let's just say she had had a love affair with a man before who was quite obsessed with her. Again, who the fuck knows? But the accusations continued, and it even got incestuous because pretty soon there were fingers being pointed at Anne that she was even sleeping with her own brother George, as well as plotting to kill the king. Now, obviously, the reasons for this, it's like, what are some even more despicable things that we can say? Incest. But also, how can we tear down the whole Boleyn family? Right, yeah. Chuck George in there, too. So following this, Anne was arrested for adultery and treason. And once again, Anne found herself on a barge traveling down the Thames to the Tower of London. But this time, she wouldn't have a grand procession through the streets of London. In fact, she's still there today.

[Host 2]

I do think one of the, like, most Londony, like, you know, sometimes, like, London just catches you off guard is when you walk down the river and you just catch sight of Traitor's Gate.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

You're like, yeah, I love that.

[Host 1]

And actually, where I used to work in St Catherine's Dock, we used to get off at Tower Hill and walk and used to walk past the place where Amberlynn was executed every day on the way to work. And I was just like, yeah, obviously horrible. But I was like, that is fucking cool.

[Host 2]

It's cool. Let's call for Anne. A sham trial was conducted at the Tower itself, and she was found guilty on all counts. And Anne Boleyn was sentenced to death. She awaited her sentence in the same apartment she used to prepare for her coronation, but three years before.

[Host 1]

Oh, that's gotta hurt.

[Host 2]

The night before her execution, Anne still had the wherewithal for a classic Boleyn zinger, saying, I heard the executioner was very good, and I have a little neck. Apparently, she held her hands around her neck and then burst out laughing herself.

[Host 1]

You gotta laugh.

[Host 2]

Executions were usually pretty public affairs, especially ones this high profile. But Henry's court knew that they had to be very careful with PR on this one. So it was done inside the Tower with a small crowd of courtiers and Tower officials. And. And they also changed tack on the method of murder. The original plan had been to burn her at the stake, A standard sentence for women accused of treason. But in the end, Henry saw that he had to be shown to be merciful.

[Host 1]

I also do wonder. I mean, I think he did really love Anne Boleyn. And I do think he is like, I gotta get rid of you. You're bad news. You're fucking me off. Now and you haven't even given me a son. I don't know if it was just to be shown to be merciful or if he really didn't want to make her go out with the most pain possible.

[Host 2]

Yeah. So it was decided that instead of being burnt to death, Anne would have her head chopped off, but not with a big brutish axe like usually happened, which is a long and gruesome process with lots of hacking. Instead they got in a swordsman from France for a much cleaner process.

[Host 1]

So on the 19th of May 1536, the 35 year old Anne knelt on Tower Green. She said her last words, which were, I come hither to die, for according to the law, and by the law I am judged to die and therefore I will speak nothing against it. I pray God save the King for a gentler nor a more merciful prince was there never. The swordsman stepped up behind her and severed her head off with one clean blow. She'd been queen for just over a thousand days when she was buried in the Chapel of St Peter ad Vernicular within the Tower walls. And actually it's very interesting the way he did it, which again, historical record imperfect, but apparently what the swordsman did and why he was so skilled is first he had a fucking massive, very, very sharp sword, so it would be clean, but also what he does when he comes out. Anne's kneeling there and he doesn't want to panic her. She's kneeling but she's not got her head down and she's expecting to be told to do that, but what he actually does is he calls out and she turns around and looks and he does it then. So again, it's like with the element of surprise, so she doesn't even know it's coming. And again, if Henry really did just want to make it a little bit less brutal than being burned at the stake, why go to the effort of bringing in someone from France to do it in such a, like, as merciful a way as possible? Now, that day her brother was also killed alongside her and her father, Thomas was stripped of his position as Lord Privy Seal. Henry, who was now very much shacked up with his next soon to be wife, Jane Seymour, tried quite literally to wipe Anne's name from history. Her heraldry and emblem, which was a white falcon, were replaced with Jane Seymour's wherever they were found in royal palaces. Eleven days after Anne's head hit the grass of Tower Green, Henry married Jane. And 10 months later it was announced that Jane was pregnant. And on 12 October 1537, Jane gave birth to Edward, a baby boy.

[Host 2]

But after all that, even that long promised heir couldn't straighten things out. Jane died in childbirth. Henry was convinced into a tactical marriage with Anne of Cleves, the sister of a German duke, and tried to warm Europe back up. But when Henry saw her, he wasn't happy. He said to Thomas Cromwell, she is nothing fair and has very evil smells about her. The marriage was never consummated and successfully annulled. So there weren't technically six wives. Undeterred, the King started chirpsing Catherine Howard, Anne Boleyn's teenage cousin and my favourite. And then he married her as well, probably just out of habit by this stage, until she had an affair with a courtier, allegedly, and was beheaded. Finally, he married a wealthy widow, Catherine Parr. She was actually quite a calming influence, reuniting him with his estranged daughters Mary and Elizabeth, and even getting them back into the line of succession, which worked for one of them.

[Host 1]

Yes. So like we said, the next few decades were certainly rocky and you can listen to our shorthand on Lady Jane Grey, the nine Day Queen, for that story. But very briefly, let's talk about Edward, Henry's longed for boy. Unfortunately, he was very weak, a very sickly boy, and he became king at the age of nine when Henry died. But it wouldn't last long because just six years later, at the age of 15, Edward also died. And this absolutely opened the floodgates. And all the chaos culminated in Mary I, the daughter of Henry's first wife, Catherine of Aragon, waging a mad, bloody war, trying to drag the country back into being Catholic. But finally, when she died, in came Elizabeth, Anne Boleyn's daughter. And with her came what's known as the Elizabethan settlement, in which Elizabeth I did her very best to just calm everyone the fuck down. The Elizabethan era brought Shakespeare, the defeat of the Spanish Armada, the dawn of the British Empire and fancy new American imports like potatoes and tomatoes and tobacco. Interesting. I think Elizabeth is quite. Elizabeth I is maybe my favorite queen or favorite royal. I just think she was a very, very interesting person. She rules for such a long time and I love that after all the, like, Protestant, Catholic fighting, burning people, like all of that, she's just like, I do not wish to make windows into men's souls where she's like, I don't want to know, I don't want to know. What do you care about?

[Host 2]

Yeah, I take all of those points. I just. She did kill a lot of Catholics and I am one So I can't really be like, yeah, sure, sure.

[Host 1]

But again, you know, but I get it. Yeah, I think it's a bad time. But she does, she, she drags England out of that, like, as much as possible out of that petty fighting and into like, let's, let's focus on like a bit more prosperity. And it was a golden age. It was a golden age.

[Host 2]

And yeah, and she did have very long fingers.

[Host 1]

She did.

[Host 2]

So I think that Anne Boleyn just had really long fingers. And that's where the six finger rumor comes from. Because we've got Elizabeth's gloves, like they're fucking massive.

[Host 1]

And she's a very interesting person and her life was very, you know, we can do a whole short round on her. So I'll save it for them. So let's wrap up.

[Host 2]

Okie dokie. That's enough for Bobo. That about does it for Amberlynn, the often skimmed over 1000 day queen whose life had a monumental impact on centuries of English history and musical theatre. So before we go, what about her sister? After being spurned by Henry, Mary Boleyn opted out of the family's madonistic ambition and chose a quiet life. While Mary's sister was still queen, she met a man 12 years her junior, way below her station, and she married him. And she wrote at the time, I had rather beg my bread with him than be the greatest queen christened. Which with hindsight, probably a good idea. But do I wish he turned out to be someone amazingly famous? Yes. Do I wish their children went on to invent loads of stuff?

[Host 1]

Yes, exactly.

[Host 2]

But what do I know?

[Host 1]

What do I know?

[Host 2]

I'm just a Catholic.

[Host 1]

So that's it, guys. That is the story of Anne Boleyn. We'll see you next time. Where we will definitely do shorthands in the future about all of the rest of it that we can't stop talking about. Goodbye.

[Host 2]

Bye.

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