C (23:23)
My heel caught the lip of a grout line I hadn't noticed on the way in. The lights drifted a notch dimmer and returned. A man stepped out ahead of me and took up the middle of the hall with the posture of someone trying not to block a doorway. Windle clipboard to chest. Tie too tight. He shouldn't have been here, and we both knew it. Do not bring BXF upstairs, he said, his lips moving just a little too early. Protocol breach. Return to staging. I didn't stop. I didn't break stride or pretend he was real. When my shoulders brushed him, he felt like a sticker, dry and thin and flat against the wall. He stayed there after I passed, turning to watch me in a way that was more of a glitch than a movement. I rounded the corner and saw the bay, inner gates already open, panel lights awake. Same scuff marks as before, but something in my head was screaming. I couldn't pinpoint what it was, but something wasn't right. I stood still and let my body tell me what was wrong. The air carried what almost looked like a faint shimmer. The gate shouldn't be open. It's manual. I had closed it per protocol. I kept my eyes on the platform and searched my mind for anything that made sense, and suddenly it hit me. The yellowed card beside BXF when I found it. State of falsehood. Reorient yourself. Do not apologize. This is safe, I said out loud, feeling like an idiot in a Frying pan. The sign over the break room flickered off behind me. The bay ahead stuttered and showed its seams. The open gate wasn't a gate, just a dark rectangle painted over a dip. Vance, we have partial visual. Overwatch came through again clearer. Where are you? We're getting contradictory readings. I. I don't know. I thought I was at the elevator, but all I see is a pit. I think BXF is manipulating me somehow. Do you have a location for me? The silence that followed was deafening. It was like the pits at idle, waiting to see if I'd be thrown in or not. Command, please advise. The only thing that answered was static. The lobby window across the bay fogged from the inside as I was caught looking at it. I couldn't take my eyes off the window as a shadow coalesced into a form with its forehead against the glass. It was a shape I knew all too well. Hair hanging in strands, skin loose and sickly under the dirty gown, his mouth forming words I felt even before they came. You said you would be there for me. Even though it was my brother. I knew it wasn't my brother, that it couldn't be. I'd wished so many times for this chance. The apology clawed its way up my throat like a physical thing. I knew it wasn't real, that this was all some sick game, but that didn't lessen how I felt. I would have given anything to tell my brother how sorry I was to go back and do things things differently. My body fought to say the words against my mind that told me I couldn't. The tag's instructions screamed into my mind. Do not apologize. That line had made no sense when I read it, but now I was literally biting my tongue to stop myself. I focused on the lid. Logic. State of falsehood. I was there for you. The words hurt coming out more than words can. He smiled. Not my brother. The suit of sadness and pain they'd wrapped around a memory of him. He pressed his palm against the window and pushed. I should have looked away, but I couldn't. I watched as the outline of him bulged, the glass stretching until it didn't even look like glass anymore, just a thin layer of plastic sheeting between us. The first bulge failed to break the barrier but sent spiderwebs through the cloudy pane. A syrupy thread of saliva or pus strung from his mouth to the glass as he screamed silently, then pulled back his head as if to build momentum. His smile stretched and tore wide across his cheeks as he brought his head, rocketing toward the barrier. The cracks spread slightly, but his face deformed with a sickening crunch and blood spray. The smile never wavered as his head drew back and smashed against it again and again. I looked on in horror as the face I'd known turned into something horrific, all the while keeping that grin. State of falsehood, I said, the phrase coming out like a sob. I looked straight at the glass, at the agony written in that base. I said, I never wanted you to come home. The glass sizzled. The shadow twitched and slurped sideways, running down the far wall in a stripe of yellow scum. Reorient yourself, I said aloud. I let my head roll forward, letting the fever dream of the corridor melt. I closed my eyes and panned my shoulders to the cold air, trusting nothing, measuring the real only by the weight in my hands and the pain in my legs. For a second the world flickered back into the basement. I remembered the smells came back. Concrete, dust, machine oil, my own sweat. I could see the elevator cage clearly across the open stretch of floor on the far end of the hall. The window splintered. A single finger pushed through, then an entire hand, then the whole shape of him crawling out through the wire mesh glass. My brother's face was smashed, broken, bleeding, and torn. He moved with the same rolling limp I remembered from the care facility, the same hospital gown, though now it was covered in blood and fluids that left a wet trail behind him. He moved faster than anything so broken should. Three bags, one corridor, one exit still won me. I ran. Not a jog, not a tactical retreat, a full sprint, knowing better. Men had died for indecision here, the weight of it all threatening to pull me down as my legs and back screamed in protest. The corridors shrank and stretched, flickering through layouts as if it couldn't decide which version of hell I belonged to. Sometimes it was plush and blue, lit and carpeted, like a forgotten hotel. Other times the walls got closer, skin thin, and I saw things breathing and writhing on the other side. I kept my eyes tunnel locked on the elevator's brass mesh, its familiar shape a lighthouse in a storm that didn't want me to reach it halfway down the corridor, if there was such a thing as a hallway anymore. A sudden shriek split my hearing. It came from the inside of my own skull, went blind, knees buckling, almost dropping, all three carriers. When I blinked back, the world had gone negative, lights black, shadows pulsing white, and every door on both sides open and grim, grinning. Windle was at the end of the hall, but he wasn't Windle, his suit was wrong. His hands hung loose and too long at the end of his arms and his head was backwards on his neck, mouth working silently. His head spun on the hinge of his neck like a bead on a wire, mouth wide, teeth lined all the way down his throat. Everything in me screamed to drop the bags and claw my eyes out. The logic of the moment was simple. This thing wanted me to break, to quit, to fail. The rules. I said, I'm not afraid, my voice a shaky croak. Wendel's arms flapped, then hung limp. His head stilled, mouth closing. He looked like a marionette whose strings had been cut. The walls pulsed. I saw the corridor's seams, its stitched up transitions, and the latticework of the world behind the world. I ran. I didn't look back. Every step in this place was chancing a landmine, but all I could do was keep moving, repeating one corridor, one exit, one me. Like a mantra. Black blood pooled from under every threshold, the glass windows now all fogged and every one of them had a face inside, watching a parade of every dead friend, lost squad, half remembered training buddy who'd eaten it in the field. I bore down, grit my teeth, and counted my steps. The elevator's cage was right there. I dove in, slammed the control, and heard the shattering of glass behind me as the first wave of them broke free. I almost laughed, a mad barking sound. When the lift lurched and actually went up. The scream followed, rising through the shaft. My own voice doubled, tripled, boring into me. I kept the duffels braced tight and tried to keep my breathing even. The cages rattled. The gears shredded my nerves one spine at a time. Halfway to floor one, the lights blinked out. My HUD scrambled, then went blank. For a second my senses seemed to go blank as well. I could have been moving up or down or not moving at all in the stall. I felt the pressure of all three objects like they were in silent standoff along my body. The hatch at the top of the lift rattled. Something was up there, let a waft of blood and rust to the grating. Emergency lighting came on, barely enough to see my own hands. The hatch popped. Long thin digits slipped through the seam. I recognized my mistake before I made it. I was about to scream my brother's name. I wanted to. Everything in me wanted to. To call him down and see him one more time and maybe say sorry, maybe say I wish things could have been different. Instead I bit into my tongue until I tasted blood and tried to focus on what was real. The hatch strained as his mass pressed through the grate, ripping and cracking, his face crammed in the ruined remnants of my brother. His lips worked, but the words only became noise, the sound building into memories. I felt his weight in my arms in the night he quit fighting. I felt the grip of his hand on mine as the machine stopped. All I ever wanted was to tell him some gentle lie to ease his crossing. And here he was, shoving the truth back down my throat. Fate of falsehood. Reorient yourself. Do not apologize. The hatch bulged under the full weight of him now, his face stretching through the mesh on and neck like a giraffe, mouth ripping all the way across his broken face, the skin splitting and running with yellow tinged blood. His gaze locked on me. There was a real accusation in it, and all the moments I'd let him down gathered in a pressure wave I could feel across my chest. I couldn't outpace the memories. I could only endure them. I looked up at my brother's ruined face snaking through the opening, mouth torn wide, and said what I needed to say. You were never a burden. You were the only good thing in this whole miserable life, and I never avoided you. As if in response, the entire lift shuddered and my brother's head snapped back with a sound like a breaking bone. I braced for the next attack, but nothing came. The lights returned and the hatch was empty. No sign that anything had happened. I slumped to the cold metal, letting my heartbeat find a rhythm. The elevator continued to grind upward at the top of the cage opened with a bureaucrat's indifference. The doors parted. On a squad already waiting at the threshold. Not a mission hypo or desk jockey in the bunch. They wore rebreathers and full containment gear. The duffels were out of my hands before my feet even cleared the cage. One of the Bureau guys extended a flat palm, halting me. Decon now. I wanted to argue and lash out, but my brain was still shorting out. They pulled me through a side corridor into the autodoc unit whose doors shut with a sucking vacuum. Hands undid my harness and jacket, stripping me in seconds. One of them actually took the time to fold my shirt before tossing it into the incinerator bin. I'll never understand what the fuck is wrong with some of these people. There's nothing dignified about Bureau decon. You stand there with your arms up and your feet wide while they soak you, scrub you, flash blast you with light that stings your retinas and makes the blood in your eyelids pulse with afterimages. The process is ancient and high tech at the time, like being oozed down by the world's cruelest car wash while a robot recites the legal risks of non compliance. At the end they hand you a towel barely big enough to cover your ass and walk you shivering into a stainless steel ward where six other guys sat in the same state of humiliation. I recognized exactly none of them, but caught that wild animal look in every pair of eyes. Survivors. At least for now. I couldn't stop scanning the walls, half expecting a face to bulge through the glass. I didn't see my brother, not in the steel, not in the seams where wall met floor, but I couldn't let myself relax. I kept turning the sequence of events in my head as if I might find some crack in it where the last hour made any sense. Someone must have tagged me as fragile because a doc in bureau blue came straight over. He was the opposite of Wendell, muscles over bone, hands flat and scarred. His badge read Watson.