Episode Overview

Episode Title: Let Them? The Good, the Bad & the Buddhist
Podcast: Relatable with Allie Beth Stuckey (Blaze Podcast Network)
Episode Number: Ep 1237
Date: September 3, 2025
Theme:
This episode explores the "Let Them Theory"—a viral self-help concept popularized by Mel Robbins—and analyzes its origins, psychological roots, religious influences (particularly Buddhism), and its compatibility (or lack thereof) with a Christian worldview. Allie critically examines the theory’s practical implications, spiritual ramifications, and contrasts its self-focused message with biblical teaching, offering listeners a framework for discernment.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Producer Bri's Farewell & Team Update

[00:01–03:42]

• Allie bids goodbye to longtime producer Bri, who is moving on to a new role.
• Warm reflections on Bri’s contributions and a call for prayers and well-wishes from listeners.
• [01:53] Bri: "It's bittersweet. But I'm ready for what's next."
• Announcement: Relatable is seeking a new in-person producer with 5+ years’ experience and shared values.

2. Introduction to the “Let Them Theory”

[03:43–07:18]

• Explains the viral “Let Them Theory”:
  • Encourages people to stop trying to control others; let them act as they choose.
  • Popularized by Mel Robbins (author, podcaster), especially through a viral 2023 Instagram reel and a December 2024 book (over 6 million copies sold).
• Allie draws parallels to earlier self-help trends: Joel Osteen’s Your Best Life Now, Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In, Rachel Hollis’s Girl, Wash Your Face.
• A call for Christian discernment in evaluating popular advice:
  • [07:18] Allie:

    "As Christians we have a responsibility to discern ... carefully separating the good from the bad and the good from the best. Distinguishing between worldly right and biblical right, between what sounds good and what is good, between worldly wisdom and godly wisdom."

3. Dissecting Discernment & The Christian Lens

[07:18–09:50]

• Explains biblical discernment:
  • Latin root “discerneri” (to sift/separate).
  • The Bible is the “sieve" for all philosophies.
  • Warns of criticism when questioning popular cultural mantras.
• Scriptural foundation: Ephesians 5:6–10.

4. Who is Mel Robbins? Worldview & Influences

[14:00–18:15]

• Background: Mel Robbins is an author, motivational speaker, former lawyer; started in self-help with her “5 Second Rule.”
• Her worldview blends spirituality, Buddhism, and self-improvement.
• Quoting Robbins about the Easter story:
  • [17:45] Robbins:

    "The story of Easter is reminding you that every time you feel like a part of you is dying, you need to hold hope and ... you will be reborn anew. ... No matter how dark it is, keep going."

• Allie’s critique: “They see Jesus as either a moral teacher or even an archetype ... But they don't see Him as Savior ... They don't see His resurrection as something that literally happened bodily ... When you strip Scripture and the Gospel story of its real meaning ... you rob the Gospel of its power.”

5. The Let Them Theory: Psychology, Buddhism, and Critique

[18:15–24:00]

• The theory’s psychological and spiritual underpinnings:
  • Relates to “locus of control” (Julian Rotter, 1950s): internal vs. external control perceptions.
  • Strong overlap with Buddhist “non-attachment” and Toltec philosophy: letting go as a path to inner peace.
  • Allie: "It contradicts Christianity ... In Christianity, we see an emphasis on community ... not emptying the mind, which actually makes you vulnerable to all kinds of lies."
• Mel Robbins focuses almost exclusively on these worldviews in her book, not Christian Scripture.
• From Robbins:
  • “Buddhism and radical acceptance teach that suffering comes from resisting reality. The pain ... stems from wishing things were different than they were.”

6. Origin Dispute: Cassie Phillips and Attribution

[24:00–32:01]

• Cassie Phillips claims to have originated the “Let Them” mantra in a viral 2022 poem and tattoo.
• Phillips’ poem mirrors Robbins’ message closely: “If they want to choose something or someone over you, let them... Let them lose you. You were never theirs because you were always your own.”
• Mel Robbins denies copying:
  • [30:50] Robbins (to NY Post):

    “I have not seen her poem, I have not read her poem and it was not and will never be the source of inspiration for my book. ... As I write in the let them theory, you cannot control what people say, do or feel or choose to make up about you.”

• Allie’s take: It’s possible Robbins saw the idea circulating independently, but the messaging was certainly present before Mel Robbins’ version.

7. How the Theory is Supposed to Work

[32:01–39:10]

• The three situations Robbins admits the theory shouldn’t apply:

  1. When someone is doing something dangerous.
  2. When you need to advocate for yourself (e.g., salary negotiation).
  3. When someone repeatedly crosses boundaries.

• Three applications:

  1. Detach from emotional struggles caused by others’ unmet expectations.
  2. Allow others to face consequences for growth.
     • Example: Letting a child forget lunch as a lesson.
     • [34:40] Allie (responding humorously):

       “Sorry, I'm just imagining letting your kindergartner starve ... Just let them. Let them starve because they forgot their lunch ... that just sounds extreme to me.”

  3. Stop trying to change others’ potential—let them be themselves.

• Robbins’ practical tools:

  • Ask: What am I afraid of?
  • Ask: What business am I in?
  • Ask: What feels more like peace?

• Introduction of “Let Me”—shifting to self-sovereignty and self-love:

  • [37:35] Robbins:

    “Let me remind myself that I always have power ... my thoughts are in my control, my actions are in my control ... I get to choose what’s worth my time ... my energy.”

• The core of her theory:

  • Self-love = the “source of your own happiness, your own fulfillment ... You are the love of your life.”
  • [38:26] Robbins:

    “Love doesn’t require you to wait ... It’s about recognizing you are the source of your own happiness ... You are the love of your life.”

• Allie’s critique:

  “You are not the source of your own happiness ... the self can't be both the problem and the solution ... you will end up very sad and very lonely and very unfulfilled ... Self-love will not satisfy you.”

  • [39:10]

8. Audience Pushback and Practical Limits

[42:25–43:00]

• Recap of negative TikTok reactions:
  • [42:25] TikTok User:

    "I'm coming on here to say that I disagree with the Mel Robbins let them theory. ... My friend's leaving me out of dinner, I'm gonna be like, guys, why'd you leave me out? ... Don't let them. Stick up for yourself ..."

• Allie concedes: You should confront, but not try to force someone to change. “Don’t waste your time trying to change them or control them because you can’t do that.”
• Many complain the theory lacks practical solutions for loneliness, loss, or unhealthy behaviors that arise when you simply “let them.”

9. The “Let Them” Theory in Light of Christian Theology

[46:30–end]

• Self-empowerment, “let them,” and “new thought” philosophy (as endorsed by Oprah) prioritize subjective personal happiness over objective morality.

  • Example from Robbins’ book (cited by Allie):
    “Your job and responsibility is to live your life in a way that is aligned with your values and what you know deep down is true for you.”

• Allie’s core critique:

  “The let them is almost used as like an incantation ... and that can work temporarily ... but when followed wholesale, they will lead you in a bad direction.”

  • [50:15]

• The biblical position: Self is not to be worshiped or “liberated”—it is to be restrained. Emphasis on self-control and self-denial, not self-love (2 Timothy 3:1-7).

• Notable quote from Spurgeon:

  “If any man thinks ill of you, don't be angry with him, for you are worse than he thinks you to be.”

• True release comes from surrender to God, not giving ourselves catchy mantras.

Key Scripture References:

• Philippians 4:6–7 — Cast anxieties on God, experience peace.
• Romans 8:28 — God works all things for the good of those who love Him.
• 1 Peter 5:7 — “Cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.”
• Proverbs 3:5-6 — Trust in God, not in your own understanding.
• Matthew 11:28–30 — Jesus gives rest for the soul.
• Hebrews 13:8 — Jesus is unchanging, reliable.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [07:18] Allie:

  "As Christians we have a responsibility to discern...carefully separating the good from the bad and the good from the best."

• [17:45] Mel Robbins (on Easter):

  "You need to hold hope and belief and faith that better days are coming ... you will be reborn anew."

• [34:40] Allie (on the theory's practical extremes):

  "Letting your kindergartner starve ... Just let them ... that just sounds extreme to me."

• [38:26] Mel Robbins (on self-love):

  "You are the source of your own happiness, your own fulfillment and your own joy. ... You are the love of your life."

• [39:10] Allie (on the self as the solution):

  "The self can't be both the problem and the solution."

• [50:15] Allie:

  "The let them is almost used as like an incantation ... but when followed wholesale, they will lead you in a bad direction."

Timestamps for Major Segments

• [00:01] Farewell to Producer Bri & team update
• [03:43] Introduction to “Let Them Theory”: What it is and why it’s viral
• [07:18] Discernment—A Christian approach
• [14:00] Who is Mel Robbins?
• [17:45] Mel Robbins explains her spirituality and Easter beliefs
• [18:15] “Let Them Theory” – psychological & Buddhist roots
• [24:00] The origins debate: Cassie Phillips’s viral poem
• [32:01] Mel Robbins explains her “Aha” moment
• [34:40] Where the theory applies/doesn’t; practical and humorous critiques
• [37:35 & 38:26] The “let me” self-love focus
• [42:25] Pushback from social media critics
• [46:30] Christian critique—objective morality vs. subjective self
• [50:15] The limits of self-help, the superiority of “let God”—scripture summary

Tone and Delivery

• Upbeat, conversational, and direct, with signature wit and analogies.
• Allie maintains a friendly but earnest tone, balancing skepticism of secular trends with encouragement for Christian discernment.
• Frequent scriptural references and comparisons to Christian doctrine.

Summary Table

| Section | Time | Content | |----------------------------------------|-----------|--------------------------------------------------| | Team Updates & Farewell | 00:01 | Producer Bri’s farewell, call for prayers | | Let Them Theory Introduction | 03:43 | What it is, Mel Robbins’s role, cultural impact | | Biblical Discernment | 07:18 | Etymology, scriptural call for discernment | | Mel Robbins’ Worldview | 14:00 | Spirituality, Buddhism, self-help background | | Let Them Theory Roots | 18:15 | Psychology, Buddhism, Toltec influences | | Attribution Dispute | 24:00 | Cassie Phillips’s poem/tattoo, Robbins’s denial | | The Theory in Practice | 32:01 | Applications, practical tools, humorous responses | | Self-Love as the Solution? | 37:35 | “Let me” — self-focused empowerment | | Criticism and Pushback | 42:25 | Audience/tik tok critique, lack of depth | | Christian Contrasts | 46:30 | True fulfillment in Christ, biblical references |

Final Takeaway

Allie warns that the “Let Them Theory,” though attractive in its simplicity and apparent empowerment, ultimately recycles self-help tropes that are ultimately hollow. She urges Christians to weigh all cultural advice against Scripture, finding lasting peace and satisfaction not through detachment or self-worship but through surrender to Christ, self-denial, and a focus on God’s unchanging love.

[59:28] Allie:

“Your satisfaction will only be found in the Gospel ... better than letting them ... better than all of the self-help theories that will come and go for the next several decades.”

For listeners seeking discernment on modern self-help trends and a richer understanding of the biblical view on self, control, and fulfillment, this episode provides both analysis and encouragement to “let God”—not just “let them.”