Ron Simmons (51:15)
What can I do now to have a solid relationship with my future adult children? Well, while you want to have a very good relationship when your kids are little, with them, God didn't put you here to be their friend when they're little, all right? And it's a balancing act. Cause you don't wanna be overbearing either. And I certainly have been guilty of that in the past. But if you just wanna be your buddy to your little kids, then they're not gonna have the same respect for you when they're an adult. What you need to do is when your kids are young, that you need to certainly love on them, care for them, but never cross the boundary between parent and child. Don't become child to child or parent to parent, because if they see you that way, they will not have the same respect for you when they also become an adult. Because when they become an adult, then they still want to have that parent child relationship, all right? And certainly it's different. There's no question about it. You are treating them differently. And while I consider myself very close to my, my adult children, I still think they look at me as their dad and not their buddy. And they probably will have different types of conversations with their buddies than they do with me. Although we have a lot of fun conversations, we certainly can talk about adult things that we couldn't talk about when they were little. But that relationship needs to stay that way. What I would say to you also is squelch the fire in your children. You know, Allie and our two sons were totally different. And our sons were very easygoing, a lot like their mom. Allie was a little bit more like me, a little bit more outgoing, a little bit more challenging. And my wife was really, really good at, even though it was against her nature, because she wasn't that way. Allowing Allie to be who she was with still being the mom, though, I mean, she had to pull the mom card many, many times. And then also Lisa impressing upon me my need to not treat Allie the same way I treated the boys, because it was just a totally different scenario. And so while I had to be strict sometimes, I hope that I'd never put out to where it would just totally squelch her. Right. And it would have a long term scarring effect on our relationship. It hasn't. Our relationship, as you know, has been, as you guys know, is great, but it's really because of some things that her mom taught me and taught her during that time. So I would just say, remember the parent child relationship, but don't squelch who they are. Okay, last thing. Last question is, how do you raise an alley? Well, talked about that a little bit on the last one. But I think, first of all, God creates us all. Creates us individually in his image, in his perfect plan, in our imperfect selves. And I think what you do when you have a child that has that outgoing spirit and has that ability to probably do some things that you couldn't even think about doing when you were her age, is you have to make sure that you never tell them that there's something they can't do. Lisa and I, with all of our kids, would always say, you know what? It's possible. It's possible. Let's figure out, what do we gotta do and then help them take the next uncomfortable step. We talk about that in the book as well, is how do we help them take the next uncomfortable step if we just impose upon them the limits that we had on them, like, okay, well, we never could have ever spoken before thousands of people before then that would automatically get her thinking, well, if they didn't do it, they're my parents. Certainly I can't do it. We just never did that. So you got to leave open every possibility. Even though some of them seem crazy and certainly some of them will be like, there's no way we could ever afford that. Okay, you cannot squelch that. If that's your child's gifting and that's something that they believe they're called to do, then it's our job to help them do that as much as possible. And they're gonna stumble along the way, and it's our job to be right there. Once they've fallen, help them dust their self off and get moving again. And that's the role that we play. So, anyway, I hope that helps. The last thing as we wrap up today is what is the. You know, every time I do these, I have a final deal called Wisdom from the Wagon. And. And it refers back to my book, Life Lessons from the Little Red Wagon. And I guess if what I'm thinking about is I hear a lot when I get questions from Allie's audience, I hear a lot about things that are going on in their young lives. And there are things that, although we're in a different time, there are things that Lisa and I experience as well. But let me just tell you something. And I've never used this term when I was a young married, but I've heard Allie use it. My other kids use it. And that adulting, adulting. I Will just tell you that was hard work. It is hard work. If you thought becoming an adult, it was just gonna be. Everything was gonna be rosy. That's not the way it is. It's hard work. And I'll tell you this, too, and this isn't that exciting, but it doesn't get any easier. You know, I'm 65 years old, and I have complications. When I say complications, complexities is the right term. Complexities in my life that I never dreamed of. Now, they're good things, right? I got three children, six grandchildren. And so things get more complex as you get older and as your family changes and as your family grows and what have you. But that's okay. Now, I have a lot of experience I can draw on that I didn't have when I was 30 years old or 40 years old or 25 years old. So it helps me to have that experience. But you have to begin now, when your kids are little and when you're younger, to make those hard choices so that as you get older and your kids grow and your family dynamic changes, that you will have been through that. If you just try to take the easy way out on every scenario, you're gonna end up not where you wanna be in the long run. Okay? And life is a journey, I guess there's really never an end until the Lord calls us home. But it's so much better. I'm so thankful that we had to make some tough choices when we were younger. You know, we had to decide that we wanted our kids to go to public private school. And no matter what that cost us, we were gonna figure that out. And believe me, we didn't have a lot of money. I was gonna let my kids pick the college of their choice that they felt the best with. And I was gonna do whatever I had to do to make sure they could do that. And, you know, they could have both gone. The two that went to college could have both gone to in state Texas schools, had a great education, and it would have been a lot less expensive, but that's not where they felt like they should be. And both of them made the right choices. All right? And, you know, it cost us a lot of money, but it was the right thing to do. But we made those hard choices. We had to give up some other things for that to happen. You know, with Daniel, with our son that has autism and epilepsy, there's a lot of choices that we've had to make that we could have taken the easy way. Like we've seen people do but we make the hard choices. If you make the hard choices now, okay, when your family's young, it'll be much better for you in the long run. I promise you that. Thanks for listening.