Protective Mimicry by X Minus One

Summary

Relic Radio Sci-Fi

Episode: Protective Mimicry (X Minus One)

Date: November 24, 2025
Podcast: Relic Radio Sci-Fi (old time radio)
Host: RelicRadio.com

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Overview

This episode features a broadcast of the classic old-time radio show X Minus One, presenting the story "Protective Mimicry" by Algis Budrys (adapted for radio by Ernest Kinoy). The narrative blends sci-fi procedural with pulpy noir humor as an interstellar Treasury agent investigates an impossible case of currency counterfeiting. The plot leads him to the soggy jungles of Deneb 11, where the true culprit turns out to be neither a criminal mastermind nor advanced technology, but an extraordinary natural phenomenon.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Breakdown

1. The Counterfeit Crisis

• [02:39–06:39] Main character, Mr. Baumholzer, a special agent for the United Galactic Federation’s Treasury, narrates his frustration over a troublesome and unprecedented case: 1,450 credit notes with identical serial numbers and legitimate electronic security patterns have surfaced, making standard counterfeiting seem impossible.
• [04:34] Quote:
  • Tour Guide: "The currency is... non-defaceable, fireproof, immune to wear, weather and water. But the most important thing is an electronic pattern impressed into the fiber... Only the government has the equipment to put that in. Your currency is safe and sound. Don't you worry about that."
• Chief Sax (his boss) is deeply concerned, worrying that perhaps matter-duplication technology has been invented.

2. Tracking the Source: Deneb 11

• [08:30–13:00] Baumholzer travels to the only city on Deneb 11 (“Glub”), a muggy jungle world, and coordinates with the resident agent.
• The environment is humorously described as hostile, with biting insects like the “Laboratory Beetle” and “whittle fly.”
• [11:45] Quote:
  • Baumholzer: "In a way, the beeper plates make it tougher. Nobody even looks at the bills anymore. Just throw them over the plate, and if no bells ring, it's okay."

3. An Unusual Encounter in the Jungle

• [12:38–14:40] In a bar, Baumholzer is approached by Odysseus Munger, a long-standing weirdo resident with a unique sense of style and clear local reputation. Munger brazenly admits to being behind the duplicate bills and holds Baumholzer at gunpoint.
• [13:53] Notable Quote:
  • Munger: “Well, as a matter of fact, I am [the counterfeiter].”
  • Baumholzer: “What?”
  • Munger: “And don’t move. This is a power 30 mystery coagulator I have.”
• Baumholzer is knocked out and wakes up in the local agent’s office, shaken but determined to pursue the counterfeiter.

4. Into the Wild – and the Villagers' Secret

• [16:13–22:00] With the resident agent “Hall” as backup, Baumholzer treks deep into the Denebian jungle to Munger’s village, enduring miserable conditions and comical mishaps.
• They are soon captured by Munger and his tall, spear-carrying native allies. The villagers are having a raucous drum-and-dance party, celebrating or “propitiating the tree,” while dressed, notably, in currency-based loincloths.
• [20:50] Quote:
  • Munger: “They’re propitiating the tree. I don’t know why. It’s never failed yet. But they’re very conservative. They’ve got to go into this act every night before I can do my stuff. Lasts all night.”

5. Revelation: The True Source of the Counterfeits

• [22:00–24:23]
  • The next morning, Munger reveals the secret: a massive jungle tree which, when startled, reflexively reproduces any object thrown into it—“protective mimicry”:
  • Munger demonstrates by folding a 50-credit note into a paper airplane, firing a gun into the air, and launching the bill at the tree. The tree then ejects the note back—along with hundreds of perfectly duplicated copies, all valid under government security checks.
• [24:22] Notable Quote:
  • Baumholzer (awed): “Protective mimicry.”
  • Munger: “Yes, yes, precisely… I discovered this tree six years ago while I was attempting to evade the clutches of the law on a confidence ramp. I swung an ax at it to blaze a trail and 50 axes came bouncing back at me.”
  • Baumholzer: “Well, I never heard of any plant developing mimicry to this extent…”

6. Resolution & Aftermath

• [24:47–25:54]
  • As Munger prepares to kill Baumholzer to keep the secret, Hall returns with law enforcement. Munger tries and fails to shoot Baumholzer (who falls into the duplicating tree), and is ultimately captured.
• [25:54–26:37]
  • Baumholzer closes by sharing that Munger is imprisoned in “New Alcatraz,” and jokes about filing his expense report—now that there are 168 copies of him, courtesy of the mimicry tree.
• [25:54] Notable Quote:
  • Baumholzer: “He didn’t stand a chance against us. That’s right, us—all 168 of me. Right in. Right, right, right, right, right, right.”

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On bureaucracy and counterfeiting:
  • Chief Sax [07:16]: "I've seen cigar coupons and crayon sketches come into this office... some people will try to pick a Yale lock with a quarter pound of butter."
• On Deneb 11's wildlife:
  • Resident Agent [09:29]: "That's why he's called a whittle fly... Carve his initials in your arm if he gets a good bite."
• On the tree's duplicative powers:
  • Munger [24:23]: “All I know is that you scare the tree with a loud noise, you throw something at it, and it duplicates what it thinks is the danger.”

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Important Timestamps and Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Content | |------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:39 | Start of Story: Baumholzer introduces his problem with expenses | | 03:55 | Tour of Currency Mint – Electronic Security Explained | | 06:00 | Baumholzer Brings Counterfeit Bills to Chief Sax | | 08:30 | Journey and Arrival at Deneb 11 – Atmospheric Descriptions | | 12:38 | Baumholzer Meets Odysseus Munger at Bar; Munger Confesses | | 14:40 | Baumholzer Attacked/Knocked Out | | 16:13 | Jungle Trek to Munger’s Village | | 19:39 | Village Life – Loincloths and Prepping for the Secret | | 22:00 | Munger Prepares to Demonstrate Counterfeit Method | | 23:43 | Paper Airplane Trick; Tree's Extravagant Duplicating Power | | 24:22 | Explanation of ‘Protective Mimicry’ Tree | | 25:13 | Showdown and Rescue | | 25:54 | Denouement and Expense Report Humor |

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Podcast Tone and Style

The dialogue and narration balance hardboiled satire with bureaucratic absurdity, incorporating classic sci-fi technobabble and dry, self-effacing humor. The hostile-yet-wacky jungle planet setting and deadpan delivery are reminiscent of both pulp detective fiction and early space-age optimism/irony.

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Conclusion

Protective Mimicry combines detective noir, bureaucratic farce, and speculative natural history into a tightly-paced adventure. It highlights not only the perils of overconfidence in technology (the seemingly foolproof currency system) but also the limitless surprises of nature—sometimes the solution is stranger than the crime. The humor, pacing, and outlandish sci-fi twists make this a memorable episode in the Relic Radio Sci-Fi collection.

Transcript

[Bomb Holzer]

Relic radio.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

This is relic radio. Sci fi old time radio science fiction stories from relicradio.com.

[NBC Announcer]

The National Broadcasting Company at this time wishes to thank the editors and publishers of Galaxy magazine for a special award which has just been presented to the program X minus 1. The award cites X minus 1 for the outstanding adaptation and the original method of presentation of adult science fiction stories to the vast audience that has shown increasing interest in this newest form of journalism. The NBC Radio Network is proud to receive this citation on behalf of X minus 1. NBC is also happy to acknowledge the enthusiastic response and support of the listening audience to this program. Your many letters of encouragement and constructive criticism are always gratefully received, your criticisms carefully noted and whenever possible your suggestions acted upon. Please listen at the end of this program for a special free offer. And now X minus 1 countdown for blast off. X minus 5.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

4, 3, 2. X minus 1.

[Narrator]

Fire.

[NBC Announcer]

From the far horizons of the unknown. Come transcribed. Tales of new dimensions in time and space. These are stories of the future. Adventures in which you'll live in a million could be years on a thousand maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting Company presents.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Minus One.

[Narrator]

Tonight's story Protective Mimicry by Algis Budvis.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Frankly, I think I'll probably have to take my expense account clear up to the Central Gallic Civil Service Board. My friends tell me to forget it, but take it from me, a rap in the credit book like this isn't easy to laugh off. Not on a grade four civil Service pay scale. So I've made my beef out and quadruple kit and filed it. Usually a special agent in United Galactic Federations, Department of the Treasury Investigations Division, Currency section doesn't have much trouble with his swindle sheet. But this, well, this one's a corker. To understand, you got to know how they make the stuff. The ungallic min is in New Geneva on Canopus 3. I remember I went around with the 40 deci credit tour when I first joined the staff. The guide was a cute little brunette from one of the rim stars who was later fired following an annual Pan Solstice office party. I didn't pay much attention to her spiel. She was dressed in the new Neo Minoan style. But I got the general idea.

[Tour Guide]

This is a demonstration machine, of course, but you will notice the indestructible fiber coming off that spool at the right. It goes into the slot in the machine there. Now, if you'll pass along. You see, it goes between those two rollers through six or seven chemical baths. No, I'm not Sure. What chemicals? That's restricted information. It's stamped, analyzed for flaws, died and then run through this unit here. This is the most carefully guarded part of the process. The unit is removed from the plant each night and locked in the deep space vault on the satellite station directly overhead. After the strip emerges here, it is chopped into convenient lengths and carefully removed into armored cars. It is called money.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

What does that secret unit do?

[Tour Guide]

Well, that's a very good question. You see, the currency is non defaceable, fireproof, immune to wear, weather and water. But the most important thing is an electronic pattern impressed into the fiber by that secret pattern you all know. When you cash a bill, it is passed over an electronic plate that reads the pattern. If the serial number and the pattern match. But if they don't. Well, first I'll put an ordinary credit note over the beeper. There. Perfectly good. Now, assimilated counterfeit bill without the electronic pattern. Well, now, that wouldn't fool anybody long.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Could anybody duplicate that electronic pattern?

[Tour Guide]

Well, that's a very good question. Only the government has the equipment to put that in. Your currency is safe and sound. Don't you worry about that. Are there any more questions?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Yeah. How about a drink after the tour?

[Tour Guide]

Well, that. Oh, that's a very good question.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

It sure was. So was the answer. Well, getting back to money. The engraving, the chemical composition of the ink and the fiber would be tough enough to duplicate. But that electronic pattern snaps the clincher on it. That's why Chief Inspector Sax, guard of my division, looked sourly at me when I came into his office and spread a fistful of credit notes on his desk.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

What's that?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

What's it look like?

[Chief Inspector Sax]

A handful of 50s.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Why put a couple of them over your beeper plate?

[Odysseus Munger]

Okay.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

They're perfectly okay.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

What's it all about?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Look at the serial numbers.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

3, 4, 5, 6 5, 6, 7.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

8 M. Look at the others.

[Odysseus Munger]

3, 4, 5, six. What? Let me see.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Save your eyes. They're all the same. 1450 credit notes with identical serial numbers.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

That's impossible.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

And every one of them goes over a beeper plate. Quiet as a sophomore climbing into a dormitory window after hours.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

Where did you get these?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

They came into the New York Clearinghouse from a branch on Den of 11. The manager blew his top. He called us the minute he spotted them and sent them out to us.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

How about the manager? Is he blabbing all over the Bankers Club about it?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

I read the Angelic Riot act to him. He'll keep it under his hat.

[Odysseus Munger]

Good.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

At least we won't have any financial.

[Bomb Holzer]

Panics for a while.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

Have you checked these through the lab?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Well, the ink and paper is government stock and they match government beepers. The lab plates didn't squawk any more than yours did. You could spend these anywhere as long as you only pass them one at a time.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

You know, since the beeper plate came in, we've been sitting on our tails in this department building up our pensions.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

Neither would I outside this office. But you know darn well nobody can expect to counterfeit a bill and get away with it. It's only because throughout the universe there's a certain percentage of people who will try anything once and a corresponding percentage of pur blind idiots who will accept any anything with engraving on it as money that we're here at all. I've seen cigar coupons and crayon sketches come into this office. I've seen premium office from household magazines, jet bus transfers where some people will try to pick a Yale lock with a quarter pound of butter. The only reason any queer can pass is because some goggle eyed nudnik neglects to use his beaver plate. But I worry. I worry. For 15 years I've sat in this stinking office and waited for somebody to invent a matter duplicator.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Well, looks like you can stop worrying. Look at those bills. Identical down to the whiskey stain in the corner.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

All right, Bum Holzer, you call transportation and get out to Deneb11 and find out if anybody in that neighborhood has a matter duplicator or if he hasn't, what he has got.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

I picked up the department shuttle to the satellite and made fair connections up to Den of 11. It's a four day run on drive and I get free fall six. So I was glad to hit the porting blub which so helped me is the name of the only city on the place. Den of 11 is what we call in the department a mud ball. It's a jungle world with an atmosphere like a swatch of Harris tweed. I was smoking a cigarette when I got off the shuttle and the air I pulled in made the smoke taste like well, decayed leaf mold. I was ringing wet two minutes after I left the air conditioned port. I noticed the local costume would get you arrested on any beach in the galaxy. But it didn't matter since there's nothing titillating about pasty skin dripping with weary perspiration. I checked in with the regional office and found the resident agent tinkering with his air conditioner.

[Bomb Holzer]

Hi Bomb. Holzer, you know anything about the sealed power pack on this condenser?

[Odysseus Munger]

Yeah.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

If you keep banging at it like that, you'll crack the seal on the atomic shielding. And your posterity will thank you. Three heads at a time.

[Bomb Holzer]

Oh, I guess I better not fool with it. Take off your pants and pull up a chair.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

I don't mind if I do. Is it always this humid?

[Bomb Holzer]

Oh, no. In the hot season it's worse. I'd send for a replacement part, but the fax line isn't too reliable. The last time I sent for a sealed unit, they shipped back an overage sea lion.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Yeah, I know. I was on Polar Station on Ganymede when my heater element broke down. I faxed for three feet of element and they shipped me back three fetal elephants. Yeah.

[Bomb Holzer]

Well, I suppose you're here about the queer bill.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Yeah. Got any lines on it?

[Bomb Holzer]

Well, my orders will lay off and let the central office handle it. Be my guest.

[Odysseus Munger]

Any ideas?

[Bomb Holzer]

No. Where do you figure to start?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Well, this is the only city. I'll have to check it out. Have you got a list of authorized beeper plates somewhere? Look out.

[Additional Announcer]

Why?

[Bomb Holzer]

There's a whittle fly on your arm.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Hey, how does a thing that size get through the filters?

[Bomb Holzer]

Insects on Deneb are tricky. This one is a non fillerable virus in the larval stage and it blows.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

Up to this size.

[Bomb Holzer]

Carve his initials in your arm if he gets a good bite. That's why he's called a whittle fly.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

The whittle fly was only one of the darlings that made the fair city of Glub a garden spot. They had one cute little tyke called the Laboratory Beetle because when he bitch you, he typed your blood and followed you around for days getting refills. I had one take a sample of me as I went out the door of the residency with a list of people plates. And he followed me from store to store while I checked every installation in the city. The little devil would step up to the bar every once and again and take another shot of my hemoglobin. I even tried ducking in a men's room as fast. But he'd be waiting for me when I came out. I slogged through glove for three days and then poured myself back into the residence office. Did he come in? Who? The Laboratory Beetle.

[Odysseus Munger]

No.

[Bomb Holzer]

They usually hang around in the hall and wait. Sometimes when I've got a poker game going, you can see three or four of the little angels buzzing around outside, waiting like chauffeurs. Outside the opera.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Wow.

[Bomb Holzer]

Draw blank.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Well, I found seven defective beeper plates, but nobody remembers any queer bills being passed. You know who checked serial numbers? They must have come in one at a time. And the clerks of the bank always were out to lunch and referred me to the next guy. You got any lotion for insect bites?

[Odysseus Munger]

Desk drawer.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

In a way, the beeper plates make it tougher. Nobody even looks at the bills anymore. Just throw them over the plate and if no bells ring, it's okay.

[Bomb Holzer]

How about the other angle matter duplicator?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

I checked invoices and purchase records. Nobody's been buying electronic parts that can't account for every tube. I thought I had something. One fellow bought 12 of those giant lithium cathode tubes, but it turned out his wife was having him wired his lamp bases. Well, I better be going. I hate to keep my little insect friend out there in suspense as to cocktail town.

[Bomb Holzer]

You got another leave?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Yeah, I found a bar that makes a Tom Collins with real lemon juice instead of battery acid. I managed to duck my lab beetle in a revolving door. He went around twice and shot out into the street. So I settled down at a table at the bar and tried to make believe that I couldn't Taste Den of 11Atnes Sphere in my Tom Collins. I was chewing on an ice cube.

[Odysseus Munger]

When I looked up Mr. B. Holtzer.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

That's right.

[Odysseus Munger]

I want to talk to you about money.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

He was a terrestrial, but he'd been on Denver a long time because he was wearing the native garment about the.

[Odysseus Munger]

Size of a five pound sugar sack.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

His hair, which was potato field gray, was arranged in the old fashioned Presley style. You know, the ancient long sideburns, duck's tail in the rear. The vice presidents wear in family style banks. His ears had little bits of bone stuck in him and his eyebrows wandered.

[Odysseus Munger]

All over his face.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

And he stood about 6 foot 8. I waited him out and presently he spoke up again.

[Odysseus Munger]

You are the same Mr. Baumholtzer who's been going around asking all those questions about duplicate angelic notes.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

That's right.

[Odysseus Munger]

Can I help you, Mr. Munger? To Odysseus Munger.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Now this bids fair to be fascinating. I was under the impression that my mission here was just a wee bit on the secret side.

[Odysseus Munger]

There are no secrets in glub.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Now won't you pull up a chair, Mr. Munger?

[Odysseus Munger]

I'm afraid I haven't time.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Well, join me in a drink.

[Odysseus Munger]

Are you really the Mr. Baumholtzer that's working on this case for the Treasury Department?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Yeah, sure. You're not the fellow that's turning out these duplicates, are you?

[Odysseus Munger]

Well, as a matter of fact, I am.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

What?

[Odysseus Munger]

And don't move. This is a power 30 mystery coagulator I have.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Look out with that thing. You've got it pointed at my head.

[Odysseus Munger]

Yes, I've got it set on high charge. It will fuse your brain solid.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

What else is new?

[Odysseus Munger]

Now, Mr. Baum. Holzer, stay right behind that table.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Let's not make any rash decisions now.

[Odysseus Munger]

I can't very well see how I could let you live.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Come on. All right, now drop the gun.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

I'm afraid we'll be collecting a crow.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Give me that. Don't try to pick it up.

[Bomb Holzer]

I won't.

[Odysseus Munger]

I had something completely different in mind.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Just like in those ancient legends the archaeologists keep digging up. The ones that. The hard boiled detective and the beautiful blonde. I felt the traditional roof fall in on the back of my head as I went black. I remember thinking how odd it was that it was happening to me some 500 years after Spillane the scrivener. I came to in the same archaic fashion with my head going around in a free orbit around my neck.

[Bomb Holzer]

Bromholzer, are you all right?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

I can't see. I'm blind. Everything's black.

[Bomb Holzer]

Open your eyes.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Oh. Where is he?

[Tour Guide]

Who?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

The guy who slugged me. What am I doing back at your office?

[Bomb Holzer]

Oh, some bartender brought you in. I thought you passed out from too much lemon juice.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

There's a guy named Munger. Which way did he go?

[Odysseus Munger]

Reach me? Munger.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Hmm.

[Bomb Holzer]

Tall feller in native dress?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Yeah.

[Bomb Holzer]

Oh, well, might as well forget about it.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Why?

[Bomb Holzer]

Well, I can order a pickup on him next time he's in town. They'll sock him away in a psycho ward for a while. Forget it.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Look, I am not an old lady calling up complaining that the nasty delinquents are teasing my cats. That mongers tied in with the queer.

[Bomb Holzer]

Him?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

He said he was the passer.

[Odysseus Munger]

Well, that can't be.

[Bomb Holzer]

Monger. Monger.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

Monger.

[Bomb Holzer]

Monger.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

You got a file on him?

[Bomb Holzer]

Yeah. I get a number of complaints on him. So do the local cops. He's. Well, I didn't want to make trouble. He's a very wealthy man.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

I'll bet. What does he do?

[Bomb Holzer]

He's a merchant or something in a native village. Once or twice a year he comes out and paints the town. But a counterfeiter?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

I would like to talk to him again with the mistral in my hand.

[Bomb Holzer]

He had a mistral. That's a violation of a municipal Ordinance? You're supposed to check him at the quarantine.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Look, I'm not investigating parking tickets and violations of the anti noise laws. This is a counterfeiting case. Now, do you know where I can find him?

[Bomb Holzer]

Well, he's probably gone back to his village.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Where's that?

[Bomb Holzer]

Out in the jungle.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

All right, get out your rubbers, friend. We're going out after him. Suppose you fill your bathtub full of mud, build a fire under it, turn on the shower and crawl in and wallow a little.

[Bomb Holzer]

Do that.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

You've got a fair idea of the Nevian jungles. I went out with hall, the resident agent, and we started off.

[Bomb Holzer]

Stick close, bomb holster. Visibility is about 10ft.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

I'll eat everything I can see within 10ft.

[Bomb Holzer]

Oh, what happened?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Walked into a tree. Helped me up out of the mud. We puddled on for a couple of hours. The rain was so thick I didn't see the trees until I bounced off of them and sat down in the warm mud. I reflected as I struggled to my feet. What a terrible waste. In the beauty salons of Charles of the Ritz Asteroid ladies from all over the galaxy paid thousands of credits for hot mud baths to take the wrinkles out and make their skin smooth and caressable. And here was I getting a much more thorough treatment every time I sat down. They issue a lot of special equipment from department stores and it all functioned perfectly. My neo latex galoshes were fine, but stuck in the mud. My minute power goggles and wipers kept my eyes clear, but they didn't keep me from crashing in every tree. My leak proof Spring Sportsman's flashlight stayed dry as a bone. But powerful as it was, it couldn't light up more than three feet in the pelting rain. Paul, the resident led the way, consulting a compass and a waterproof map. And finally we stopped and I noticed that there wasn't any rain coming down on me.

[Bomb Holzer]

It's a rain shelter. The natives build them.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Kind of them.

[Bomb Holzer]

Well, they're on all the trails. If you go more than a day in the rain, you go punchy from water drumming on your hat.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

I believe it.

[Bomb Holzer]

Well, now, don't sit down. You'll sink in.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

I don't know. Theoretically, a broader base should keep you from sinking like snowshoes.

[Bomb Holzer]

Also increases the the suction.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

I'll stand. How far is Mongo's village?

[Bomb Holzer]

Either 2 miles or 22. I can't read the map very well.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Hey, wait a minute.

[Odysseus Munger]

Listen.

[Bomb Holzer]

Well, that's the rain.

[Odysseus Munger]

No, no, no, no. You hear that? That SQUELCHING Somebody's coming.

[Bomb Holzer]

Oh yeah, yeah, from over there.

[Odysseus Munger]

Natives, maybe.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

There he comes.

[Bomb Holzer]

We've got first pick on the shelter. It's a native tradition. First come, first dry.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Yeah. Somebody out there?

[Bomb Holzer]

All right, who's there? Who is it?

[Odysseus Munger]

A friend of mine, Mr. Bamholzer.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

All right, Munger, where did you come from?

[Odysseus Munger]

Don't move. I have several friends pointing long spears at your kidney. Shall we go, gentlemen, back to my village? I believe you were looking for.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Munger was so intent on me that he didn't seem to notice his hall sidled off into the darkness and when he did he set up a desperate cackle. He had a few of his fraternity brothers chase down the trail with spears waving wildly, but they came back murmuring some kind of a choctaw, which seemed to carry the implication that hall had gotten away like a big bottom turtle.

[Odysseus Munger]

Well, Mr. Bonhoser, your companion's action has saved your life for a while.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Yeah, he'll bring back a platoon of marines and they'll reduce that village to a bullion cube.

[Odysseus Munger]

We just have to hold you as a hostage in case help should arrive. Thanks. At any rate, shall we get back to the village?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

He had about 10 natives with him, each one about 7 foot tall with those big flat feet that evolved on denim for walking in primordial oods. They were dressed in the standard native loincloth with matching accessories, namely 10 foot spears. When as we started out along the trail, I got a good look at Munger's loincloth. It was composed of tastefully arranged thousand credit notes. By the time we got back to the village, the rain had stopped. The humidity, of course, was still 120%, and the only difference was that the moisture just loitered around rather than actually falling. There was some kind of a clam bake going on in the village. The natives were pounding a couple of drums and as far as I could see, getting rapidly stinko on some kind of jungle juice that they passed around in huge gourds. They were leaping and dancing and as far as I could tell, doing snappy sayings and fancy patter as I sat on some kind of a low mushroom and tried to ignore the two spears that were pressed against my throat. It felt as if a nervous barber was trying to shave me with his razor tied on the end of a 10 foot pole. After a bit, Munger stood up to me with all the dignity of the Lord of the jungle and he waved the spears a foot away, pulled up a mushroom and sat down.

[Odysseus Munger]

Actually, you know that wasn't a native rhythm at all. The original Denibian music is a kind of quiet flute like melody. Something like Mozart.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

That didn't sound very flute like.

[Odysseus Munger]

Yes, I know. One of the first terrestrial anthropologists out here to study the NEBs took recordings of their music.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

And then to be polite, he played.

[Odysseus Munger]

Them in a few recordings that he'd made on an earlier field trip. Unfortunately, they were from that lost rocket colony on Ceres. Their music was a degenerate ancient form called, I believe, Roland Rock. The nebs liked it and they've been doing it ever since. What's the party? They're propitiating the tree. I don't know why. It's never failed yet. But they're very conservative. They've got to go into this act every night before I can do my stuff. Lasts all night. Want a drink? No, no thanks. Oh, I wish I had a fifth of something civilized. I've been drinking this native swamp water for much too long.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

He was right. They kept it up all night. And I sat trying to figure out in which hut Munger kept his machinery to make those duplicate bills. Finally, the weak light that passes for dawn on Deneb came up and the natives quit hollering.

[Odysseus Munger]

Let's go. I hate to keep a man suspense. You're curious about those duplicate bills. Well, now you're going to find out how it's done.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Well, it's good of you to show me. I suppose your theory is that I'll never live to tell about it.

[Odysseus Munger]

That's very sensible of you. I like a man who can face facts.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

We walked across the mud square to the base of a tremendous tree, which I gathered was the guest of honor for last night's shivery. I still couldn't see the connection, but I was willing to wait. The natives sat around in a deathly hush. Munger and I stepped forward.

[Odysseus Munger]

You notice nothing up my sleeves? As a matter of fact, no sleeves.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Not much arm either.

[Odysseus Munger]

Now I take this 50 credit note. Care to examine?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Oh, I've seen it and 14 others like it.

[Odysseus Munger]

Yes, I only use a thousand credit bill when the natives need new loincloths. These 50s are a lot easier to dispose of.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Oh, I don't know.

[Odysseus Munger]

I traced them to you, but that was a mistake. One of my contacts got a little greedy, so spent too many bills in one place. All right. Now, I used to have the natives make a loud noise, but I'll use your gun instead. Here, see, I take this bill, fold it so and so and so and there.

[Bomb Holzer]

What are you making a paper plane for.

[Odysseus Munger]

Just watch. I raise the note in one hand, I aim at the tree and I fire your gun up in the air like this.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

As he let fly with my gun, Munger sailed the paper airplane straight at the tree and it sailed right into the foliage.

[Bomb Holzer]

Now watch.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

The bill came sailing back out of the leaves and right behind it came another one. And then the air was filled with paper planes. Squadrons, wings, armadas of paper airplanes. Each one made up of a folded 50 credit note. They sailed out over the whole village and Munger set the natives to collecting them and bringing them back. There you are. There'll be several thousands of them.

[Odysseus Munger]

Look, look, look, look, look, look, look.

[Bomb Holzer]

Genuine.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Absolutely genuine. And I suppose they'd go over a beeper plate without a tinkle.

[Odysseus Munger]

Startling, isn't it?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Protective mimicry.

[Odysseus Munger]

Yes, yes, precisely. You know, I discovered this tree six years ago while I was attempting to evade the clutches of the law on a confidence ramp. I swung an ax at it to blaze a trail and 50 axes came bouncing back at me.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Well, I never heard of any plant developing mimicry to this extent. I know some plants and animals assume dangerous life forms is a camouflage, but this.

[Odysseus Munger]

Well, I'm not a botanist. All I know is that you scare the tree with a loud noise. You throw something at it and it duplicates what it thinks is the danger. Well, speaking of danger, doesn't look as if your colleague is bringing any help. Oh, I'll miss your company. Interesting. You'll be shot with your own gun.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Now look, Monger, don't wriggle.

[Odysseus Munger]

I hate a moving target. What is that?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Looks like the cops. Monger, at the edge of the village.

[Additional Announcer]

Home.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Holster.

[Chief Inspector Sax]

Where are you?

[Bomb Holzer]

We outnumber them.

[Odysseus Munger]

I'll get you anyway.

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Oh no, you can't run away from me. I'll shoot. I broke for the other side of the square and just as he shot at me, I tripped over a pot and went flying smack into the tree. Well, that's about it. Here we sit in the spaceport on Den of 11 and I'm darned if I'll pay our transportation back until I hear that the office is going to okay my expense account.

[Odysseus Munger]

Munger?

[Mr. Baumholzer]

Oh, he's in jail at New Alcatraz. Once he missed a shot at me. Was all over after I fell into the tree. He didn't stand a chance against us. That's right, us all 168 of me. Right in. Right, Right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

[Narrator]

You have just heard X minus 1.

[NBC Announcer]

Here is an important special announcement. In appreciation of bringing adult science fiction to the listening audience through the medium of this program, X minus 1. Galaxy magazine wishes to make the following free offer to our listeners for the first 2500 who write in requesting it, we will send a sample copy of Galaxy magazine at absolutely no cost. This is an opportunity to read the finest in adult science fiction just as you listen to it each week here on X minus 1. To get your free sample copy of Galaxy, just write a postcard or letter to X minus 1, NBC Radio City, N.Y. 20, NY, and ask for your free copy. Be sure to print your name and address plainly on your card or letter. This offer can be made only once, so if you want your own free copy of this leading science fiction publication, be sure to write without delay. Here is the address. Again, Write to X minus 1, NBC Radio City, N.Y. 20 New York. Your sample copy of Galaxy will be sent to you without obligation of any kind.

[Narrator]

Tonight. By transcription, X minus 1 has brought you protective mimicry written by Alice Buder and adapted for radio by Ernest Kanoy. Featured in tonight's cast were Mandel Kramer, Terry Keane, Charles Penman, Dick Hamilton and Wendell Holmes. This is Roger Tuttle. X Minus One was directed by Daniel Sutter and is an NBC Radio Network production.

[Bomb Holzer]

Sam.

[Additional Announcer]

Remember, for your free sample copy of Galaxy, just send a Postcard to X minus 1, NBC, Radio City, New York. 20 New York. Now, be sure to print your name and address plainly on your card. This offer can be made only once, so if you want your own free copy of this leading science fiction publication, be sure to write without delay the address again. X minus one, NBC Radio City, New York. 20, New York. The Roaring Twenties, in song and story, hear Gordon McRae in the Best Things in Life Are Free Tonight.