The Brooklyn Brain by 2000 Plus

Summary

Relic Radio Sci-Fi: "The Brooklyn Brain" (2000 Plus)

Episode Date: September 22, 2025
Podcast: Relic Radio Sci-Fi
Main Theme:
A comedic sci-fi tale exploring the quest for culture and intelligence through technology as Joe Martin, an earnest but average Brooklynite, volunteers for an experiment to make himself smarter and win the heart of his beloved, Clarice.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Arc

1. Joe’s Quest for Culture and Love

• Joe’s Proposal:

  • Joe Martin proposes to his girlfriend, Clarice, who pushes him to gain “culture” so they can have better conversations and a deeper relationship.
    • "If you’d only get some culture, learn about things so we could have something to discuss...Art, music, economics, or similar high class subjects. Joe, see what you can do." – Clarice [03:40]
  • Joe considers ways to “get culture” quickly to impress Clarice.

• Clarice’s Expectations:

  • Clarice reads crosswords and psychology columns, seeking mental “affinity” in marriage.
    • "From such pursuits I have learned that culture is what counts in life or marriage." – Clarice [02:53]
  • She compares Joe to her other more “cultured” acquaintances, planting the seed for his transformation.

2. The Brainwave Machine Experiment

• Introduction to the Invention:

  • Parallel plot: A Professor and his assistant Carl have invented a machine that can “charge” the brain with knowledge using recorded lectures and electric impulses.
    • "Here is a machine that takes a tape recording of a human voice reading facts, figures—anything...charging that brain with the waves so that automatically the person getting the electrical shock has information charged into his memory." – Professor [05:38]
  • Machine tested only on a dog thus far, which “now knows the Einstein theory.” [11:20]

• Seeking a Human Test Subject:

  • They place an ad in the newspaper seeking a volunteer to “learn any subject in the world without effort.”
  • Joe, desperate to become cultured, answers the ad.

• Joe’s Transformation:

  • Joe is selected for the experiment and chooses art, music, and economics as his subjects.
  • At the laboratory, he nervously “receives” a taped lesson on art through the machine.
    • "After today, you'll be an expert on art. You know, painting and sculpture and all that sort of thing." – Professor [14:19]
  • Joe is overwhelmed but emerges (temporarily) able to spout impressive knowledge on art.

3. The Test: Joe at Clarice’s Party

• Social Triumph:

  • At Clarice’s party, Joe initially feels intimidated by Sam Witzenberg, a rival suitor and “the Beethoven of Brooklyn.”
  • When challenged about art, Joe fluently discusses advanced topics, surprising everyone.
    • "The brushwork of Daguerreot is infinitely superior to the technique of Martinelli, but that the interpretive approach of both is immature..." – Joe Martin [21:00]
  • Sam is humiliated and concedes defeat.

• Winning Clarice:

  • Impressed by Joe’s newfound “culture,” Clarice agrees to go with him to the Art Institute and, eventually, accepts his marriage proposal.

4. The Downside: The Temporary Nature of the Machine’s Effects

• Memory Loss Setting In:

  • The next day, Joe cannot remember what he said about art or the concepts he had learned.

    • "I know, but I can't remember what it was. Flora, ask me some questions. Maybe you'll come back to me." – Joe Martin [24:13]

  • Returns to the lab seeking another “charge,” but the machine has been dismantled for relocation and can’t be used for a month.

  • The Professor reveals the effect lasts only 24–36 hours.

    • "Apparently, it makes only a brief impression on the brain…24 to 36 hours." – Carl [26:22]

5. Conclusion and “Happy” Ending

• Joe Comes Clean—but Still Succeeds:
  • Joe admits to Clarice he can’t recall the art knowledge.
  • Clarice reveals she was already decided: "I accept your proposal." – Clarice [28:26]
  • Joe suggests they skip the art and go on a honeymoon (“A month? A whole month? Then when we get back, I will absolutely be charged with culture.” [28:57]), and Clarice enthusiastically accepts, implying genuine affection won out over intellect.
  • Light-hearted ending credits, with Flora joking: "You’re so stupid smart. Bet you even know the Einstein theory." – Flora [29:21]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Clarice on Matrimony:
  "Matrimony, that's a very important thing. It should not be entered into lightly." [02:17]

• Professor on Dog and the Machine:
  "There is one dog in this city who actually knows the Einstein theory. Did any dog know the theory before our invention?" – Professor [11:31]

• Joe Upon Receiving Knowledge:
  "The words were so big, even I couldn't understand what I was saying." – Joe Martin [23:20]

• Joe Bests Sam:
  "You don't know they're cubistic because Thompson is a cubist and not a circular school at all. You didn't know that, huh?" – Joe Martin [21:39]

• Carl (on side effects):
  "What if he ends up talking like Donald Duck?" [18:23]

• Flora’s Closing Joke:
  "You’re so stupid smart. Bet you even know the Einstein theory." [29:21]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:40] – Clarice challenges Joe to “get culture”
• [05:38] – Professor introduces the brainwave machine
• [10:01] – Joe decides to volunteer for scientific experiment
• [14:19] – Joe undergoes the knowledge “charging”
• [21:00] – Joe debunks Sam and impresses Clarice at the party
• [24:13] – Joe realizes his newfound knowledge is fading
• [26:22] – Machine’s effect is revealed to be temporary
• [28:26] – Clarice agrees to marry Joe, culture or not
• [29:21] – Flora quips about Einstein theory and Joe’s “stupid smartness”

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Tone & Style

Light-hearted, comedic, and satirical, the episode pokes fun at social aspirations, the pitfalls of shortcuts to learning, and the enduring value of sincerity and affection over pretense. The dialogue is brisk, full of Brooklyn slang, and peppered with wordplay and gentle ribbing between characters.

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Summary Takeaway

The Brooklyn Brain is a charming vintage sci-fi comedy that lampoons both scientific overreach and the social desire for “instant culture.” Ultimately, the story asserts that love and genuine connection matter more than the surface appearance of sophistication—no machine required!

Transcript

[Sam Witzenberg]

Relic Radio.

[Relic Radio Announcer]

This is Relic Radio. Sci Fi Old Time Radio. Science fiction stories from relicradio.com.

[Joe Martin]

Joe.

[Sam Witzenberg]

All I gotta say about Joe is he really is a smart guy. It takes a smart guy to be that stupid.

[Joe Martin]

2000 plus science fiction adventures from the World of Tomorrow the years beyond 2000 A.D. 2000 plus. Hence the Brooklyn brain.

[Clarice]

Jo, I want to thank you for a very nice evening.

[Joe Martin]

The pleasure was all mine, Clarice.

[Clarice]

I'd have you come up on me. It's after 12 and Pa's asleep.

[Joe Martin]

That's all right.

[Clarice]

Well, good night, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Clarice.

[Clarice]

Yeah, Joe.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Yeah.

[Joe Martin]

Had a good time, huh?

[Sam Witzenberg]

I mean, really good night, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Wait a minute, Clarice.

[Professor]

I. I got something to ask you.

[Clarice]

No.

[Professor]

No.

[Clarice]

What, no kiss? I gave you one in the helicopter bus. I am not distributing my favors with.

[Joe Martin]

Largesse, for you certainly know big words.

[Clarice]

It's because I try to get myself culture every day in the facsimile newspapers. I do the Crosswade puzzle.

[Professor]

Well, sure, Clarice.

[Joe Martin]

I. I think that's fine. Only I. I got something to ask you.

[Clarice]

I told.

[Joe Martin]

That isn't what I mean.

[Clarice]

Something else, Clarice.

[Joe Martin]

Will you marry me? I mean, that is. Will you?

[Clarice]

This is so sudden.

[Joe Martin]

Gee, I've known you three years. That ain't so sudden.

[Clarice]

Well, a girl likes to get proposals. But matrimony, that's a very important thing. It should not be entered into lightly.

[Professor]

I got a good job, a good future.

[Clarice]

It isn't that, Joe.

[Professor]

What isn't that?

[Clarice]

I mean, like they say in psychology.

[Joe Martin]

I don't know what you're talking about, Clarice.

[Clarice]

That's. I mean, Jo, you don't understand things like psychology. I always read the Handy Hints for Mental Health column. It's written by a psychologist. From such pursuits I have learned that culture is what counts in life or marriage. The partners have to have a mental affinity for each other.

[Professor]

Mental?

[Clarice]

Take sandwich and Bake. He knows about music. Or Fred Daniels. He knows about art. Or take Harry Lester, he knows economics.

[Joe Martin]

He knows economics. I had a loan him $5.

[Clarice]

What has money got to do with it, huh? Jo, leave us not quarrel.

[Joe Martin]

Yeah, but how is you?

[Clarice]

You have paid me a very high honor by asking me to be your wife, but I can't say yes. Oh, you mean, on the other hand. I didn't say no. I. I can't pretend I don't like you, Joe. You're basically a nice boy. Only if. Oh, if you'd only get some culture, learn about things so we could have something to Discuss to talk about art, music, economics or similar high class subjects. Jo, see what you can do.

[Joe Martin]

Okay, Clarice, I'll.

[Clarice]

I'll try and then I'll let you know.

[Professor]

Sure.

[Clarice]

And Joe?

[Sam Witzenberg]

Yeah?

[Clarice]

In light of the circumstances, I. I rescind my previous refusal.

[Joe Martin]

What does that mean?

[Clarice]

It means you can have a good night. K.

[Professor]

Are you. Are you ready, Carl? Yes, Professor. Now, remember, after I throw the switch, it will take several seconds for the accumulator to build up. When the red light on the control panel flashes, you throw your contact lever.

[Sam Witzenberg]

I understand.

[Professor]

Oh, all right, all right. One, two, three.

[Joe Martin]

It's working, Professor. It's working. Good, good. Excellent. Try it again. Wonderful, wonderful.

[Professor]

All right, Carl, turn it off. Now, I've checked every dial, every meter as the machine was running, and they all coordinated precisely.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Then it will work on a human being.

[Professor]

Are you sure enough to let me try it on you?

[Sam Witzenberg]

Well, it isn't that, Professor. It's just that you kind of need me to help you run the machine.

[Professor]

Oh, yes, yes, I understand, Carl. And since I am the inventor, it would also be foolish for me to volunteer to be the first human guinea pig. But obviously we need. We need someone else to try it on. That's right, Professor. Imagine, 11 years work. Here is a machine that takes a tape recording of a human voice reading facts, figures, anything, and transforms it from sound waves into electrical waves. Then through electrodes attached to a human head, charging that brain with the waves so that automatically the person getting the electrical shock has information charged into his memory.

[Sam Witzenberg]

It will be a boon to education. People won't have to go to school anymore. Your brainwave machine will just charge their.

[Joe Martin]

Brains with anything they want to know.

[Professor]

Thank you. Well, there's a lot of experimenting we have yet to do. But so far as we can know up to this moment, the machine should work. I hope.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Now, whom are you going to try it on?

[Professor]

Oh, yes, whom.

[Joe Martin]

Well, we'll. We'll run an ad.

[Professor]

We'll try and find someone not too bright, but someone we can try to transform into a mental giant.

[Joe Martin]

Oh, yes, this is Joe. We sent him six dozen boxes like he ordered.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Ten day billing.

[Joe Martin]

Yes, Charlotte, turn to it right away. Flora, take a letter. The boss ain't got a check from St. Louis and he's mad.

[Flora]

It doesn't pay to be mad. It's not good for customer relations. The home is a letter going.

[Joe Martin]

Dear sir.

[Flora]

Dear sir. How aren't you feeling well?

[Joe Martin]

Gosh, I don't know, Flora. I guess my mind ain't on my work.

[Flora]

Where is it?

[Joe Martin]

I'm going to Clarice Thursday night for dinner.

[Flora]

She's your girl and she'll make you happy. Be happy.

[Joe Martin]

But she's having Sam Witzenberg for dinner too, and he's got culture. You got a job, Florrie, You're a smart girl. You know how to find things in the files. Tell me, how do I learn about things? How do I get culture study? How much time have I got? Thursday is three days from now. What can I learn in that time?

[Flora]

Not culture.

[Joe Martin]

That's what I mean. I'm licked before I start.

[Flora]

I have a teacher.

[Joe Martin]

That's expensive.

[Flora]

So stay a bachelor.

[Joe Martin]

But I don't wanna.

[Flora]

Oh, look, look. Here's the newspaper. I'll turn to the educational section. Let me see. Here it is. Here is French. Well, I'm French.

[Joe Martin]

What would I do with French?

[Flora]

What do you do with culture after you get married? Look, I. I'm only trying to be helpful.

[Joe Martin]

Go on, Flora. What else is there?

[Flora]

It's how to hypnotize. Nine easy lessons.

[Joe Martin]

Hey, that's interesting.

[Flora]

If you learn how to hypnotize, I don't work for you anymore. Oh, let's see. What's this? Be a mechanic. Learn the soul of a machine. Soul of the machine. Crazy. Oh, here's another ad.

[Joe Martin]

Well, what does it say?

[Flora]

If you would like to learn any subject in the world without effort and are willing to volunteer for a scientific experiment, Write to box 1934, the facsimile time.

[Joe Martin]

I don't like that. Volunteer for scientific experiment.

[Flora]

But it also says if you would like to learn any subject in the world without effort.

[Joe Martin]

Do you. Do you think I should write them?

[Flora]

All you lose is a stamp. Use a company stamp, you lose nothing.

[Joe Martin]

Okay, so since I'll never get culture just wishing for it, take a letter. Dear sir.

[Flora]

We starting that again? Dear sir who?

[Joe Martin]

Dear Sir, Box 1934, the Facsimile Times. In response to your advertisement, permit me to say that I would very much like.

[Professor]

Carl, have you read these letters from people who want to volunteer for our machine on six? Do you think it's wise to take people of such mentality? Well, it would be a good test for the machine. Yes, but almost any change would be an improvement for them, judging from the letters.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Whatever else may be said, professor, the people who wrote those letters are human beings.

[Professor]

Yes, I suppose so.

[Sam Witzenberg]

And we need a human being to test with. After all, so far, the only living thing we have used was a dog.

[Professor]

Ah, but the dog lived. It proves the machine's Electrical charge in the head does not kill. The charge doesn't kill.

[Sam Witzenberg]

But does it force knowledge into the brain? We beamed a recording of the Einstein theory into the dog.

[Professor]

But the dog can't talk. What good is it to him? But, Carl, doesn't it give you satisfaction to know that because of our invention, there is one dog in this city who actually knows the Einstein theory? Did any dog know the theory before our invention?

[Sam Witzenberg]

No.

[Joe Martin]

All right.

[Professor]

So we have reason to believe the machine will work. That is why we are looking for a human being. Just to be sure.

[Sam Witzenberg]

But which one of these letters. Which one of these people shall we take?

[Professor]

Well, whichever one has the greatest need for knowledge.

[Sam Witzenberg]

They all need it.

[Professor]

Yes, but I mean, whichever one believes he needs it most, that person will have an incentive to cooperate with us.

[Sam Witzenberg]

I see. Well, in that case, this one.

[Joe Martin]

Flora, look, I got a letter. They selected me.

[Flora]

Congratulations.

[Joe Martin]

It says here. Please choose your subjects. Art, music, economics. That's for me.

[Flora]

You should also add another subject. How to get St. Louis to pay its bill.

[Joe Martin]

That ain't culture.

[Flora]

Who says a lady's common business is culture?

[Joe Martin]

Gosh, Flora, you know what I mean. Like Clarice says, there's more to living than just having a job.

[Flora]

You ever try living without a job?

[Joe Martin]

Art, music, economics. I'll show Sam Witsenberg. He's not the only one who knows those things. I'll show Clarice, too.

[Flora]

Should I call her number on this letter and make an appointment for you?

[Joe Martin]

Would you, Flora? Gee, thanks a lot.

[Flora]

Okay. Hello, I'm calling for Mr. Joe Martin. You sent him a letter about. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, he's like an apartment today. Oh, Joe, is today all right?

[Professor]

The sooner the better.

[Flora]

Mr. Martin is in conference now, but I believe it could be arranged. Yes. Art, music, economics. No, no, you pick one for today. To him it makes no difference. Yeah. Thank you. Well, is it dressed after 12 o' clock today you'll have culture.

[Professor]

Now, Mr. Martin, if you'll just lie down here on this surgical table. Surgical table?

[Joe Martin]

I didn't come for an operation. I came for an education.

[Professor]

Oh, and you shall get one, my boy, you shall get one. After today, you'll be an expert on art. You know, painting and sculpture and all that sort of thing. Lie down, Please.

[Joe Martin]

What are you gonna do?

[Sam Witzenberg]

Well, you see, Mr. Martin, you have brain waves.

[Flora]

I have.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Everybody has.

[Professor]

You see, the brain gives off power, that's why. Now, what we do well, to describe it simply is play a recording of some subject you want to learn. Now, the sound waves Are transformed into electrical waves and are charged into your brain. The result is you have the knowledge impressed into your mind.

[Joe Martin]

Isn't that wonderful? I just remembered I got another appointment.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Mr. Martin, in your letter you said.

[Professor]

You wanted to show your girl that.

[Sam Witzenberg]

You could learn things, be smart, get culture.

[Joe Martin]

Where did I put my head? Here or there?

[Professor]

Your head up here, your feet down there. Splendid, splendid. Now, Carl, attach the electrobes to his head, will you? Yes, Professor.

[Joe Martin]

All the time.

[Professor]

You will never know what hits you. I mean, not at all, not at all. Just relax, Mr. Martin. Everything is ready, Professor. All right, Carl.

[Sam Witzenberg]

One, two, three.

[Professor]

Now, now, now. It's just warming up, Mr. Martin. Don't be so nervous.

[Joe Martin]

No, sir.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Shall I start the recording now?

[Professor]

In one moment. You see, Mr. Martin, Carl will the recording that he dictated this morning. And then I'll charge the knowledge into your brain, you see? Begin the recording. Yes, Professor.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Among the new school of paintings which have excited modern critics and which are likely to have a profound effect upon. Upon future interpretive forms, the new circular school of impressionistic painting is outstanding.

[Joe Martin]

Now for the charge employing vibrant.

[Sam Witzenberg]

How is he, Professor? Is he all right?

[Professor]

He's a little glassy eyed. Maybe we better stop the experiment.

[Joe Martin]

No, no, no.

[Professor]

We'll try it once more. Only speed up the recording so we can charge his brain more quickly. All right, if you say so.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Here goes. Coordinate relationships which stimulate the senses and excite the imagination. The secular school manages to get around traditional obstacles of comprehensibility.

[Clarice]

Among the leading exponents of the secular.

[Sam Witzenberg]

School of impressionistic painting. De Garo and Martin. Nelly.

[Joe Martin]

Are now as full as man. That's enough.

[Professor]

That's enough. Carl. Shut up the equipment.

[Sam Witzenberg]

He is alive, isn't he?

[Professor]

I. I think so. Mr. Martin. Mr. Martin.

[Joe Martin]

Wake up.

[Professor]

Mr. Martin. He's coming to.

[Joe Martin]

Oh, what happened?

[Professor]

Oh, he's.

[Joe Martin]

Is it over?

[Professor]

Yes. That's all for today.

[Sam Witzenberg]

And I.

[Joe Martin]

And I got culture.

[Professor]

So far as we know, everything seemed to work. I got a headache too.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Would you like a glass of water?

[Joe Martin]

No, I. I think I better go now. I gotta get back to work. So long, fellas.

[Professor]

Professor, should we have let him go like this? Uh, let's look out of the window. Ah, there he is. Just came out of the door onto the street.

[Sam Witzenberg]

He's a little wobbly. Maybe a couple think he's drunk.

[Professor]

Frankly, I'm a little worried about him. I wonder if the experiment really worked.

[Sam Witzenberg]

I'm worried about him too. Because even if the experiment did work, we speeded the record up so fast.

[Professor]

Good heavens.

[Joe Martin]

Professor, what if he ends up talking like Donald Duck?

[Clarice]

Oh, Sam, you play the piano so beautifully.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Sam Witzenberg is not known as the Beethoven of Brooklyn for nothing.

[Clarice]

I know exactly what you mean. When Myrtle Baker said you looked like a bum, you never got a haircut. I said it's because you're artistic. Not getting a haircut, I mean. Oh, excuse me. There's the doorbell.

[Sam Witzenberg]

More company.

[Clarice]

It's probably Joe, that peasant. Now, Sam, don't you and Joe start anything.

[Joe Martin]

Hello, Clarice.

[Clarice]

Come in, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Nice party.

[Clarice]

I hope you like it, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Clarice, have you made up your mind yet?

[Clarice]

Made up my mind?

[Professor]

You know, Clarice, about us.

[Clarice]

Joe, this is not the place to pursue that question.

[Joe Martin]

Well, I just thought that maybe if you.

[Clarice]

I don't know yet, Joe. Come into the party.

[Professor]

Sure, Clarice.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Well, well, well, if it isn't Joe. How are you, Joe?

[Professor]

Hello.

[Clarice]

Was playing the piano.

[Joe Martin]

Yeah, I heard.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Read any good books lately, Joe?

[Joe Martin]

Well, we're taking inventory at the store, and I've been kind of busy.

[Clarice]

Yeah, Joe works very hard.

[Sam Witzenberg]

A hard head you gotta work hard, eh, Joe?

[Joe Martin]

The only reason you got a soft head is you got so much hair on it, it's like a match.

[Sam Witzenberg]

But Clarice says it's artistic.

[Joe Martin]

Clarice says?

[Clarice]

Did you say that? Well, I jo. I meant he looks like an artist. Artist wear long hair.

[Sam Witzenberg]

And speaking of artists, Joe, what do you think of the new secular school of Impressionistic painting? Do you think the dynamism of the blues is more effective than the interpretive qualities of the vibrant yellows?

[Joe Martin]

Well, the. The real.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Sure, Joe. You're absolutely right. By the way, Clarice, how about you and I go to the arts scenes, too tomorrow afternoon?

[Clarice]

Oh, that's very nice, Sam. Joe. Joe, what's the matter?

[Joe Martin]

Sure, sure. Go with him to the Art Institute. Maybe he'll get a job. They'll use him as a hair mop to dust the paintings with. Joe, you want to know what I think about the new circular school of Impressionistic paintings? I'll tell you. I think the brushwork of Daguerreot is infinitely superior to the technique of Martinelli, but that the interpretive approach of both of them is immature. Joe, you're so smart. Sam Witzenberg, let me ask you a few questions. Why does Gregory Thompson, the British Impressionist, conceive all legendary characters in his paintings as cubistic?

[Sam Witzenberg]

Why? Well, it's because. It's because. Because.

[Joe Martin]

Because why, Sam? I don't know, Sam. You don't know? You don't know they're cubistic because Thompson is a cubist and not a circular school at all. You didn't know that, huh? You're a blockhead, so you of all people should know. A cubist. Now, let me tell you something else. The important news in art circles is the recrudescence of 19th century painting, with particular emphasis on the portraiture of that period. In fact, I think I will go myself tomorrow to the Art Institute and just look at that 19th century stuff. Would you like to come, Clarice? Jo O.J. now.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Oh.

[Joe Martin]

Oh, we. We can't go tomorrow. It's Friday. I gotta finish inventory.

[Clarice]

Oh, that's all right, Joe. We'll go Saturday. Anytime you say, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Okay. But you only go with me to the Art Institute. You understand?

[Clarice]

Yes, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

So. Oh, what are you gonna do tomorrow, Sam?

[Sam Witzenberg]

I. I think I'll get a haircut.

[Joe Martin]

Hello, Flora. All ready for mornings White? Where's that file from St. Louis?

[Flora]

You feeling all right, Mr. Martin?

[Joe Martin]

Great. Like a million dollars.

[Flora]

Awesome culture, Flora.

[Joe Martin]

You should have been there. I was so smart. The words were so big, even I couldn't understand what I was saying.

[Flora]

That's some education you got.

[Joe Martin]

Science is wonderful. Imagine those professors doing what they did to me. They shoot me full of brain waves. One minute I'm a dope, and the next minute I'm an exploit on.

[Flora]

Art, music, economics. Which one?

[Joe Martin]

I. I don't remember.

[Flora]

That's glass, Curt.

[Joe Martin]

Let me think, Sam. Was there art? It must have been about art because. Because tomorrow I'm taking Clarice to the Art Institute.

[Flora]

If you're going there, you really must have said something.

[Joe Martin]

I know, but I can't remember what it was. Flora, ask me some questions. Maybe you'll come back to me.

[Flora]

Why do you like pictures?

[Joe Martin]

I don't know.

[Flora]

Yesterday I saw a picture in a magazine. Looked like four soap boxes in the junkyard. It was called Sunset in Hawaii. Magazine said it was a cubist picture. Does that make sense to you?

[Joe Martin]

No.

[Flora]

Couldn't you explain it even if you couldn't understand what you were saying?

[Sam Witzenberg]

No.

[Flora]

You need another shot in the head.

[Joe Martin]

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Flora, call the professors and make me another appointment. I gotta take Clarice to the Yard Institute tomorrow, and I can't remember anything else.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Oh.

[Professor]

Now, now, now, Mr. Martin. Please don't be so nervous. Just answer my questions.

[Joe Martin]

But she's my girl. I'm finally making progress, and this has to happen.

[Professor]

Yes, Carl, put on the recording again. Let Mr. Martin hear it. Yes, sir.

[Sam Witzenberg]

No obstacles of Comprehensibility. Among the leading exponents of the circular school of Impressionistic painting, Daguerrel and Martinelli are perhaps best known. Another school which has managed to retain some influence on contemporary trends despite the vigorous onslaught of the Impressionists, is that group best exemplified by the work of Gregory Thompson. Who's the Impressionist? Yeah. No.

[Professor]

You remember that, don't you?

[Joe Martin]

I don't remember it. I don't understand it.

[Sam Witzenberg]

But we charged your brain with that information.

[Joe Martin]

You charged it. You try to collect it. I don't know where it is.

[Professor]

Carl, I'd like to talk to you alone for a moment. Excuse us, Mr. Martin.

[Joe Martin]

Yeah.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Yeah, sure.

[Professor]

You're. You're sure the machine worked properly when we experimented on him?

[Sam Witzenberg]

When I dismantled the machine this morning, every.

[Professor]

Everything was perfect. But what could have happened?

[Sam Witzenberg]

Apparently, it makes only a brief impression on the brain. About 24 to 36 hours.

[Professor]

Oh, that's terrible.

[Sam Witzenberg]

What's terrible about it? At least we're on the right track. In a year or two, we'll perfect it so people can remember all the time.

[Joe Martin]

People.

[Professor]

People can learn things even if we don't perfect the machine. But what I most regret is there's no longer a dog in the whole world who knows the Einstein theory. Well, I'm. I'm sorry, Mr. Martin, but obviously the experiment wasn't as successful as we had hoped it would be.

[Joe Martin]

Then give it to me again, Professor. I just gotta know about art. I'm taking Clarice to the institute tomorrow.

[Sam Witzenberg]

Couldn't you take her to a movie instead?

[Flora]

But.

[Joe Martin]

But I'm not afraid anymore. Put those things on my head again. Give me a minute, Volts.

[Flora]

I like it.

[Joe Martin]

I like it.

[Professor]

I'm afraid that's impossible. You see, dismantled the machine. We're moving it to a laboratory upstate. It will take at least a month until we put it together again.

[Joe Martin]

A month? But tomorrow.

[Professor]

I'm sorry, Mr. Martin.

[Joe Martin]

Clarice won't marry me now.

[Clarice]

Oh, hello, Joe. You're right on time for our trip to the Institute. Oh, I'm so excited. Come in, Joe.

[Joe Martin]

Hello, Clarice.

[Clarice]

We'll see you. All the pictures and you'll explain them to me, won't you, Joe?

[Joe Martin]

Clarice, this. There's something I want to tell you.

[Clarice]

Yes, Joe?

[Professor]

It's.

[Joe Martin]

It's about my culture. About what I said about art the other day.

[Clarice]

Oh, Joe, you were wonderful. I thought Sam Witzenberg had dropped dead. You know what? After you left, he said you knew more about art than anybody he ever knew.

[Professor]

He.

[Joe Martin]

He Said that?

[Clarice]

And you were so masterful when you told him you were taking me to the institute.

[Joe Martin]

I. I was?

[Clarice]

Oh, Joe. Joe, I got something to tell you. Have I made up my mind? Joe, don't you understand? I made up my mind. I accept your proposal.

[Joe Martin]

You mean you.

[Flora]

You marry me?

[Clarice]

That's right, Joe. You've got culture.

[Flora]

We'll have a mental affinity.

[Joe Martin]

Clarice, listen. Let's get married right away. Today. Let's not even go to the Art Institute. Take a leave of absence. We'll go away on a honeymoon for a month.

[Flora]

A month? A whole month?

[Joe Martin]

And then when we get back, then we got time for culture. I promise you, after one month, I will absolutely be charged with culture.

[Clarice]

Oh, Joe, this is so sudden and so romantic.

[Flora]

Oh, but I don't have a trope. So I need clothes.

[Joe Martin]

Look, look, I work in the ladies garment business. I'll go to the store. I'll get you all the clothes you need. Only let's get married and not go to the Art Institute.

[Flora]

Oh, Joey, you're so stupid smart.

[Clarice]

You think of everything I do.

[Flora]

I'll bet you even know the Einstein theory.

[Joe Martin]

Next week, 2000 plus presents a thrilling melodrama of adventure and terror. Be sure to listen. 2000 plus is produced by Dreier and Wynnelson Productions, incorporated. In today's cast, Briana Rayburn portrayed Paris and Flora. Gilbert Mack was Joe, William Keane was Sam and Mercer McLeod was the professor.

[Relic Radio Announcer]

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