The Cat’s Meow by The Chase

Summary

Relic Radio Thrillers: "The Cat’s Meow" by The Chase

Podcast Information:

• Title: Relic Radio Thrillers (Old Time Radio)
• Host/Author: RelicRadio.com
• Description: The best Old Time Radio adventures in crime, mystery, espionage, and suspense! Relic Radio Thrillers delivers the ticking time bombs, mysterious crime scenes, and cloak-and-dagger action that today's armchair adventurer demands.
• Episode: The Cat’s Meow by The Chase
• Release Date: March 14, 2025

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Introduction

In this enthralling episode of Relic Radio Thrillers, listeners are transported back to the golden age of radio with "The Cat’s Meow," a gripping tale from The Chase series that originally aired on NBC between April 1952 and June 1953. Hosted by RelicRadio.com, the episode promises a blend of mystery, suspense, and unexpected twists centered around an unusual inheritance.

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Plot Summary

1. The Unusual Will

The story unfolds with Archie and Fanny Bird grappling with the aftermath of Aunt Emma Stilson’s passing. In a shocking revelation during the reading of Aunt Emma's will, it becomes clear that the entirety of her $1.3 million estate is bequeathed to her cat, Stanley. Mr. Whitby, the attorney, explains the legal intricacies:

Mr. Whitby (03:03): “...I give, devise and bequeath all the rest, residue and remainder of my estate... to my beloved cat Stanley, in trust, nevertheless, for the following uses and purposes.”

Adelaide Van Allen, Cousin and disgruntled relative, expresses her outrage and determination to contest the will:

Adelaide Van Allen (03:24): “I'll sue. That's what I'll do. I'll contest the will.”

Mr. Whitby assures her of the will’s strength but Adelaide remains unconvinced, highlighting Aunt Emma's eccentricity and her exclusion from the will.

2. Receiving Stanley

Mr. Whitby delivers Stanley to Archie and Fanny, stipulating a weekly stipend of $500 for Stanley’s care:

Mr. Whitby (09:06): “He was five on his last birthday.”

Despite their initial reluctance—Archie is allergic to cats—Archie and Fanny accept Stanley, hoping this inheritance will change their fortunes. They begin to care for Stanley, enjoying the newfound financial relief.

3. Stanley’s Disappearance

Soon after settling in, Stanley vanishes from their apartment. Panic ensues as Archie and Fanny realize that losing Stanley would mean forfeiting the weekly payments. Their desperate search leads them to contact various services, including the police and the fire department, but with no luck.

Fanny Bird (14:04): “We gotta find him, Archie. Don't you realize what it means? We lose the money if Stanley's gone?”

4. Encounter with Adelaide Van Allen

During their frantic search, Adelaide Van Allen appears, posing as a concerned relative. She reveals that she had placed an advertisement about a missing cat matching Stanley’s description. Through a series of interactions at a taxidermist's shop, Archie and Fanny uncover Adelaide’s deceit:

Adelaide Van Allen (24:25): “She took him home with her.”

It becomes evident that Adelaide has replaced Stanley with another cat, hoping to claim the inheritance herself. A confrontation ensues where Adelaide tries to discredit Stanley's authenticity, but ultimately, the real Stanley returns safely.

5. Resolution

In the climax, Stanley reappears unharmed, and Adelaide's scheme unravels. Mr. Whitby confirms Stanley’s authenticity, affirming Archie and Fanny's rightful claim to the estate. The Birds realize the true value of their bond with Stanley, transcending monetary gain.

Archie Bird (25:34): “Yeah, it goes up 500 bucks.”

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Notable Quotes

• Mr. Whitby on Aunt Emma’s Will (03:03):

  “...I give, devise and bequeath all the rest, residue and remainder of my estate... to my beloved cat Stanley, in trust, nevertheless, for the following uses and purposes.”

• Adelaide Van Allen’s Determination (03:24):

  “I'll sue. That's what I'll do. I'll contest the will.”

• Fanny Bird on Stanley’s Importance (14:04):

  “We gotta find him, Archie. Don't you realize what it means? We lose the money if Stanley's gone?”

• Archie’s Realization (25:34):

  “Yeah, it goes up 500 bucks.”

• Host’s Closing Narration (Narrator at 26:18):

  “In the animal world, there is the hunter and the hunted. Hound and fox, hawk and sparrow, cat and mouse. We in the topmost species have also joined the hunt. But who is to judge precisely which of us are hounds or foxes as we enter the chase?”

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Characters

• Archie Bird: A hardworking cab driver, initially resistant to caring for a cat due to allergies.
• Fanny Bird: Archie’s supportive wife, who grows fond of Stanley.
• Mr. Whitby: The stern attorney managing Aunt Emma’s will.
• Adelaide Van Allen: A disgruntled relative aiming to contest the will and claim the inheritance.
• Nick Papadopoulos: A character involved in the subplot regarding Stanley’s temporary disappearance.

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Themes and Insights

"The Cat’s Meow" delves into themes of greed, familial duty, and the unpredictable nature of inheritance. The narrative juxtaposes human emotions with the indifferent pursuit of wealth, highlighting how unexpected blessings can bring both joy and turmoil. The episode underscores the lengths individuals will go to secure their interests, often at the expense of familial bonds and ethical considerations.

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Conclusion

Relic Radio Thrillers’ rendition of "The Cat’s Meow" offers a captivating blend of suspense and humor, wrapped in the nostalgic charm of Old Time Radio. Through its well-crafted characters and intricate plot, the episode invites listeners to ponder the true value of companionship and the unforeseen consequences of sudden wealth. As Archie and Fanny navigate their newfound fortune, their journey serves as a timeless reminder that money may change circumstances, but not the essence of human relationships.

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Discover More: For additional episodes and more thrilling adventures, visit RelicRadio.com. Dive into a vast archive of Old Time Radio shows, supporting the preservation of classic storytelling.

Transcript

[Fanny Bird]

Foreign.

[Host]

Welcome back to relic radio thrillers. Stories of action, adventure, intrigue and suspense every Friday@ Relicradio.com we're going to hear from the chase this week, an NBC series that debuted in April of 1952 and aired for 55 episodes until June of 1953. Our story today is from September 28, 1952. It's titled the cat's meow.

[Archie Bird]

The national broadcasting company invites you by transcription to join the chase. There's always the hunter and the hunted, the pursuer and the pursuit. It may be the voice of authority or a race with death and destruction the most relentless of the hundreds. There are times when laughter is heard as counterpoint and moments when sheer terror is the theme.

[Narrator]

But always there is the chase. And what more strenuous chase could you ask for than one that includes a meal ticket and a wayward cat?

[Fanny Bird]

Foreign.

[Mr. Whitby]

Do hereby make, publish, declare this as and for my last will and testament, hereby revoking all former wills or testamentary dispositions by me heretofore made. First, I direct my just debts and funeral expenses to be paid as soon after my deceases may be practical. Second, I direct that all inheritance, estate transfer or succession, taxes or death taxes be paid out of my residuary estate. And third, I give, devise and bequeath all the rest, residue and remainder of my estate, real, personal and mixed, of whatever kind and nature and wheresoever the same may be situate, of which I may die, seized and possessed, to which I may be entitled at the time of my death to my beloved cat Stanley, in trust, nevertheless, for the following uses and purposes.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

But it's ridiculous.

[Fanny Bird]

Utterly ridiculous.

[Mr. Whitby]

Nevertheless, it's perfectly legal. Ms. Van Allen, how could you, her.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Attorney, permit her to even consider such an idiotic thing?

[Mr. Whitby]

Your aunt Emma was not a woman to argue with, as you very well know. She insisted on leaving her entire estate to her cat, and she did.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

How much does the estate amount to?

[Mr. Whitby]

$1,347,621.79 after taxes.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

I'll sue. That's what I'll do. I'll contest the will.

[Mr. Whitby]

Inasmuch as I drew it up very carefully. Ms. Van Allen, I suggest that you spare yourself the unnecessary expense. The will is incontestable.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

And they called her eccentric. Eccentric? Aunt Emma was insane. It's insufferable. Incredible. Didn't she even mention me in the will at all?

[Mr. Whitby]

Yes, she did. Let me see. On page nine. Oh, yes, yes. I quote, to my niece, Adelaide van Allen, a clothes horse and A snob with the intelligence of a backward chorus girl and the personality of a praying mantis. I bequeath my muskrat muff and direct her.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Muskrat muff.

[Mr. Whitby]

Yes, Miss Alan.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

The woman was crazy. Stark raving mad. I tell you, it's outrageous.

[Mr. Whitby]

Yes, Miss Alan.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

And who'll take care of the cat who'll see that her beloved Stanley is happy?

[Mr. Whitby]

If you had been present during the reading of the will, Ms. Van Allen, you would have learned the details. Stanley was left in the custody of. Mr. And Mrs. Archie Byrd will receive a weekly stipend.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

That's the last draw. The Birds. The Brooklyn Birds. She's married to a cab driver. A cab driver, mind you. Why, we practically exiled that branch of the family.

[Mr. Whitby]

We will receive a weekly stipend so long as Stanley shall remain in their care and in excellent health.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

So long as he shall remain in their care, did you say?

[Mr. Whitby]

Yes.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

And if something should happen to Stanley.

[Mr. Whitby]

Mr. Whitby, if Stanley dies, the estate goes to charity. However, should he be given away to someone else, that person would automatically be appointed guardian and would receive the stipend for Stanley's upbringing.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

I see.

[Mr. Whitby]

And now, Miss Allen, I must leave for Brooklyn to pay a visit to the Birds and apprise them of the contents of the will. I'm sorry.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

It's quite all right, Mr. Whitby. You can run along. But before you go, let me have Archie Bird's address, won't you? I want to send Stanley my congratulations.

[Fanny Bird]

Archie. Archie.

[Archie Bird]

What?

[Fanny Bird]

It's five o'clock.

[Archie Bird]

Five o'clock?

[Mr. Whitby]

So what?

[Fanny Bird]

Time to go to work. Get up.

[Archie Bird]

Oh, stop poking me, will you stop jabbing?

[Nick Papadopoulos]

I'm up.

[Fanny Bird]

Am I? Fine time for a man to have his breakfast. 5:00 in the afternoon? Why don't you get the day shift and keep decent hours?

[Archie Bird]

Oh, can I help it if I gotta drive to hack all night? I'm waiting my turn for the day shift, ain't I? What do you expect me to do? Cut my throat and bleed to death on account of O? There they go again, them pesticides. Let me at that whip.

[Fanny Bird]

Watchy.

[Archie Bird]

Get out of here. Get off of that fence.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Not my shoe.

[Fanny Bird]

Watchy.

[Archie Bird]

All day long they kept me awake. I hate cats, Fanny. I hate cats like poison. If I had a rifle or even a.22.

[Fanny Bird]

Stop shooting off your mouth and eat your breakfast. Your eggs is getting cold.

[Archie Bird]

Got enough troubles without adding cats to the list.

[Fanny Bird]

I'll get it.

[Archie Bird]

All day long they kept me up all day long.

[Mr. Whitby]

Mrs. Bird?

[Fanny Bird]

Yeah? My name is Whitby oh, not today, mister. We don't want any.

[Mr. Whitby]

But I'm not a salesman, Mrs. Bird. I'm an attorney.

[Fanny Bird]

An attorney?

[Archie Bird]

Yes.

[Fanny Bird]

You mean a lawyer?

[Mr. Whitby]

Exactly. May I come in?

[Archie Bird]

What's up, Brad?

[Fanny Bird]

There's a guy here, Archie. Says he's a lawyer.

[Mr. Whitby]

Lawyer?

[Fanny Bird]

You didn't hit nobody with that hack of yours, did you?

[Archie Bird]

No, no, no.

[Mr. Whitby]

Please, let me explain. I'm here in regard to your late aunt Emma Stilson.

[Archie Bird]

Who's that?

[Fanny Bird]

I never told you anything about her, Archie, and I ain't seen her in years. Anyway, she. She ain't even my aunt. She was my mother's aunt.

[Mr. Whitby]

In spite of the fact that you know very little about her. She knew quite a good deal about you, Mrs. Bird. She used to refer to you as the only member of her family who never asked her for money or a favor of any kind. She said you were independent, and she admired you in many ways.

[Fanny Bird]

Well, what do you know? I just never went nearer, that's all. She was Park Avenue, and I'm Brooklyn besides. Did you say she was my late aunt?

[Mr. Whitby]

Mrs. Stilson passed away a week ago tonight.

[Fanny Bird]

Ah, that's too bad.

[Mr. Whitby]

She Left a will, Mrs. Bird. She left all her money in trust to Stanley and put Stanley in your care. You ought to get 500 a week as long as Stanley remains with you.

[Archie Bird]

Did you say 500 a week?

[Mr. Whitby]

Yes. It's for Stanley's care and your own welfare. You'll find that Stanley requires very little in the way of.

[Fanny Bird]

I gotta sit down.

[Mr. Whitby]

Oh. Oh, Mrs. Bird.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh. 500 a week.

[Archie Bird]

I'm feeling kind of wussy myself.

[Mr. Whitby]

Well, Mrs. Stilson was a wealthy woman. You'll both have an independent income as long as Stanley remains with you.

[Fanny Bird]

You ain't kidding us, Mr. Whitby. This is on the level.

[Mr. Whitby]

Oh, I assure you that it is.

[Archie Bird]

Hey, fairly, Fanny. What a break, huh? Remember how we said one day our luck will change? Well, here it is. The jackpot. We're rich, Fanny, but we got to.

[Fanny Bird]

Make sure that Stanley gets all that's coming to him. Archie. Poor little guy. Losing his mother that way.

[Mr. Whitby]

Oh, but Stanley wasn't.

[Archie Bird]

Tell me, tell me, how old is Stanley, Mr. Whitby?

[Mr. Whitby]

He was five on his last birthday.

[Fanny Bird]

Five? Ain't that cute, Auntie? Where is he now, Mr. Whisby? Who's taking care of him?

[Mr. Whitby]

Why, he's right here. He is in this basket.

[Fanny Bird]

In that basket?

[Archie Bird]

Yes. Can smorfruit? Say, Jenny?

[Mr. Whitby]

No, no. As a matter of fact, he's large. He.

[Archie Bird]

Do you hear a Cat just now, Fan.

[Fanny Bird]

Yeah.

[Mr. Whitby]

Here, let me take Stanley out of his basket.

[Archie Bird]

Here.

[Fanny Bird]

Fanny, Stanley's a cat.

[Archie Bird]

Get him away from me. Keep him off. Now take him away.

[Fanny Bird]

I can control yourself.

[Mr. Whitby]

Why, Mr. Bird, don't you like cats?

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, he's nuts about cats, ain't you?

[Archie Bird]

Yeah, nuts.

[Mr. Whitby]

Now, I have here the first payment of 500 made out by checking your favor. Why, you receive a like amount every week from my office.

[Fanny Bird]

Look at you. 500 smackers.

[Archie Bird]

Yeah, that's a lot of dough, ain't it?

[Mr. Whitby]

You understand, of course, that that Stanley must have the best of everything. He's used to the finest food and the best of accommodation.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, I'll get him a real bed, Mr. Witsy, and he'll eat fine.

[Archie Bird]

Yeah, yeah, that cat'll eat like a horse.

[Mr. Whitby]

I'll give you my card and I'll drop by on the 1st of every month to see how Stanley's getting along. Well, I'll say goodbye to you now and good luck.

[Fanny Bird]

Thanks for everything, Mr. Whitby.

[Archie Bird]

Yes, so long.

[Fanny Bird]

What are you looking at, Stanley? He's cute, ain't he?

[Archie Bird]

Makes me sick to my stomach.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, stop talking that way. When we. When have we ever seen 500 bucks come so easy? And it comes once a week, too.

[Archie Bird]

But you know I'm allergic to cats, Fanny.

[Fanny Bird]

You're also allergic to quitting your job and living like a king, Mr. Doak.

[Archie Bird]

No, no, that part's fine.

[Fanny Bird]

Don't argue. Stanley stays and we treat him with respect. Cause he's our breadwinner now, ain't you, Stanley? Oh, ain't who our itsy bitsy mooing dower catsy catcher. Here's Stanley. Time for your cream.

[Archie Bird]

Where's my coffee, Fanny?

[Fanny Bird]

You'll get it later. I'm feeding Stanley. Here's Stanley. Boy.

[Archie Bird]

Fan, fan. Where are you?

[Fanny Bird]

I'm in here. I'm busy.

[Archie Bird]

Where's my new electric razor?

[Fanny Bird]

I'm using it on Stanley. I'm giving him a trim.

[Archie Bird]

I can't sleep on a floor, I tell you. It hurts my back.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, you can sleep there and like it. Stanley's just using your bed till his mattress gets big.

[Narrator]

Stan.

[Fanny Bird]

Stanley.

[Archie Bird]

Stanley.

[Mr. Whitby]

Stanley.

[Archie Bird]

Hi.

[Fanny Bird]

Hi.

[Archie Bird]

Dinner ready?

[Fanny Bird]

Not yet.

[Archie Bird]

Hey, what's this steak? Kind of expensive, ain't it?

[Fanny Bird]

We can afford it.

[Archie Bird]

Yeah, Yeah, I guess we can, eh? Well, I don't mind a good hunk of sirloin every now and then.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, that steak ain't for you, mister. You're getting spare ribs. The steak's for Stanley. What's the idea Nothing.

[Mr. Whitby]

Nut.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, why don't you be more careful with my plate? I better clean up this mess before the doctor comes. Doc.

[Archie Bird]

Are you sick, baby?

[Fanny Bird]

No, Stanley's doctor. I thought I heard him wheeze last night. I'm giving him a thorough checkup with X rays and what they call the electrocardioscope or something.

[Archie Bird]

Oh, that's great. Great. Maybe you want me to push him to the hospital in a wheelchair.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, stop being comical. You're knocking yourself out. Stanley. Stanley.

[Archie Bird]

Boy, was he happy today.

[Fanny Bird]

Stanley. Now, that's funny. I ain't seen him around for the last two hours. Come to think of it. Stanley, Come to Mama.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Where is he?

[Archie Bird]

How should I know?

[Fanny Bird]

Okay, he ain't in the apartment.

[Archie Bird]

Maybe he went out to see a move.

[Fanny Bird]

Cut the comedy. If something happens to him, we're out 500 a week. Stanley, answer me. Stanley.

[Archie Bird]

Hey, you mean he really ain't around?

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Archie.

[Mr. Whitby]

Huh?

[Fanny Bird]

That cat's gone. He's disappeared.

[Archie Bird]

Well, that's Daffy. He never had it so good.

[Fanny Bird]

Archie, we gotta find him. Get your coat on. We're gonna search the neighborhood. Stanley. Stanley, where are you?

[Archie Bird]

Stanley?

[Fanny Bird]

Maybe he's in this alley. Archie.

[Archie Bird]

Well, it's got a dead end and I don't see him.

[Fanny Bird]

Stanley. Archie. There he is.

[Mr. Whitby]

Where?

[Fanny Bird]

Near the garbage can.

[Archie Bird]

No, that ain't Stanley. He's all black. Stanley's got a white spot on his neck.

[Fanny Bird]

Yeah, you're right, dude. Stanley.

[Archie Bird]

Fine thing to be doing, chasing a cat.

[Fanny Bird]

We'll chase him until we drop if we have to. We gotta find him, Archie. Don't you realize what it means? We lose the money if Stanley's gone? It says so in the will.

[Archie Bird]

Stanley. Come here, you little.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, it's no use, Archie. Chasing up and down the streets this way ain't getting us nowhere. I'm going back to the house and call the police. Yes, officer. He's a black cat with a white spot on his neck and he answers to the name of Stanley. Sure, there's a reward. Wait. A hundred dollars? That's right. Yeah, I'll keep in touch. Okay. Hello? Is this the fire department? This is Mrs. Archie Bird speaking. My cat's disappeared. You gotta help me find him. You got men on fire trucks all over the city. Tell them to be on the lookout for the. Hello? Hello? He hung up, Archie.

[Archie Bird]

Oh, you think the fire department got nothing else to do but look for cats?

[Fanny Bird]

Archie. Maybe that's one of the neighbors. Maybe someone found the cat.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Mrs. Bird?

[Fanny Bird]

Yeah.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

You don't know me. We've never met. But I'm a distant relative of yours. A third cousin, I believe. My name is Adelaide Ben Allen.

[Fanny Bird]

How do you do?

[Adelaide Van Allen]

May I?

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, sure. This is my husband, Archie.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Oh, yes, the cab driver. I'll tell you why I've come, Mrs. Bird. Several weeks ago, you inherited Stanley, Aunt Emma's cat. Well, you also came into $500 a week, which is rather nice, considering your circumstances.

[Archie Bird]

What does this name want anyway?

[Adelaide Van Allen]

I merely wanted to see if everything was all right. As far as Stanley was concerned, he was Aunt Emma's pet, and I feel it my duty to make certain he's happy.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, he's very happy, Tickle pig. He grew a whole inch since he came here, and he gained three pounds.

[Archie Bird]

Yeah, we treat him rightly.

[Fanny Bird]

Some people say we even spoil him too much. But after all, he's an only cat.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

May I see him now? Yes, of course.

[Archie Bird]

He's busy now.

[Mr. Whitby]

Busy?

[Archie Bird]

Yes, he's doing his homework.

[Fanny Bird]

He's such a kid of.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Ms. Van Allen, where is Stanley, may I ask? If he's around, would you mind calling him?

[Fanny Bird]

I can't do that. I mean, he's up on the roof somewhere playing.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Playing on the roof?

[Archie Bird]

Oh, he ain't in any danger.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

I demand that you produce that cat at once, Mrs. Bird.

[Fanny Bird]

You demand?

[Adelaide Van Allen]

There's something funny going on here, and I'd like to know just what it is.

[Fanny Bird]

Listen, Ritzy, where do you think you are? This is my house, and if there's any demanding gonna be done, I'll do it.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

I see. In other words, something's happened to Stanley.

[Archie Bird]

Who? Who said so?

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Then why can't you produce him? You know, of course, that if he comes into someone else's possession, you've lost your claim to any money coming from the will.

[Fanny Bird]

Look, I'm gonna give you five seconds to clear out of here. Then I'm gonna smear you all over the kitchen linoleum.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Don't you dare touch me.

[Fanny Bird]

1, 2, 2, 3, 4.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Never get your fingers on another set.

[Fanny Bird]

Of Aunt Emma's estate. There's one cat I wouldn't keep for all the dough on Wall Street.

[Archie Bird]

She's gonna make trouble, Fan.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, how can she make trouble? We'll find Stanley long before that.

[Archie Bird]

What's the matter? What you looking at?

[Fanny Bird]

The calendar on the wall.

[Archie Bird]

What about it?

[Fanny Bird]

Today's the 30th and tomorrow's the 1st of the month.

[Archie Bird]

Oh. Oh, that's when Mr. Whitby said he'd drop around for a look at Stanley.

[Fanny Bird]

We gotta do something, Auntie. Yeah, but what I'll make a list. Every pet shop in town. We'll hire a car and check every street from Coney island to Burrow Hall. We're gonna find Stanley if we gotta turn Brooklyn upside down. Turn left on this street, Archie.

[Archie Bird]

Oh, now listen, Finn, I'm poo. We've been chasing that cat all night. It's nearly, nearly 9:00 in the morning.

[Fanny Bird]

We ain't even started yet.

[Archie Bird]

What?

[Fanny Bird]

We got a lot of pet shops we ain't even covered.

[Archie Bird]

How do you expect to find him in a pet shop, for the love of Mike?

[Fanny Bird]

Maybe somebody picked him up and sold him to one.

[Archie Bird]

Yeah, maybe we're running around for no reason at all.

[Fanny Bird]

No reason at all.

[Archie Bird]

For all we know, Stanley's dead. He might have got hit by a beer truck or something.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, bite your tongue when you say that, Archie. Why, Stanley's on meal ticket, you dumb slug.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Besides, I like him.

[Fanny Bird]

Got kind of fond of that poor little mouse during the last couple of weeks. You think we ought to check with the morgue, Archie?

[Archie Bird]

Oh, they don't take cats in the morgue. Even million dollar cats.

[Fanny Bird]

Archie, stop here.

[Archie Bird]

Now what?

[Fanny Bird]

There's a newspaper office. See the sign on the door on the left? It says, classified advertisement.

[Archie Bird]

Oh, you want to put an ad in for the monster?

[Fanny Bird]

Why not? Come on.

[Archie Bird]

Yeah.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Yes, can I help you?

[Fanny Bird]

We want to place an ad.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Personals or classified? Both.

[Fanny Bird]

We're searching for a cat.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Yeah, the cat.

[Archie Bird]

Yeah, yeah. Now, here's the way the ad should run. Reward. Black cat, white spot on throat. Answers to name.

[Fanny Bird]

A stamp lost yesterday somewhere in Blackbush.

[Archie Bird]

And we want it in big letters.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Now, that's funny. There was a gentleman here yesterday who had a cat like that.

[Fanny Bird]

What?

[Adelaide Van Allen]

He said he found it and he wanted to put an advertisement in the paper for the owner.

[Fanny Bird]

Maybe it was Stanley Archer.

[Archie Bird]

Did the cat have a sly looking face like he was always ready to spit in your eye?

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Oh, I didn't see the cat, but the description was the same.

[Fanny Bird]

You got his address?

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Why, yes. Wait just a moment. I have it, Archie.

[Fanny Bird]

Maybe we're in.

[Archie Bird]

It sure sounds like Stanley, all right. Unless it's just a coincidence.

[Fanny Bird]

What coincidence? We lost him yesterday. This guy found him yesterday, didn't he?

[Archie Bird]

Well, yeah, here's the name.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Nicholas Papadopolis. He owns a restaurant. He was very.

[Fanny Bird]

Thanks, lady. Come on, Archie, we ain't got a minute to lose.

[Nick Papadopoulos]

You want to speak with me?

[Fanny Bird]

Are you Mr. Papadopoulos?

[Mr. Whitby]

That's right.

[Nick Papadopoulos]

Nick Papadopoulos is the name.

[Fanny Bird]

You had a cat yesterday, a black Cat with a white spot on his neck.

[Archie Bird]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Poopadopoulos. You were gonna put an ad in the papers about him.

[Nick Papadopoulos]

Oh, the cats. Sure, I'm having the cats. He's walking into my restaurants here like a customer last afternoon. Hey, that's some cats. It wasn't that. I got two cats in my own.

[Fanny Bird]

Where is he, Mr. Papadopoulos? Get him for us, will you?

[Archie Bird]

There's a reward.

[Mr. Whitby]

Reward?

[Nick Papadopoulos]

I'm thinking this cat is worth something at first, so I'm putting in the advertisements. Is too bad.

[Fanny Bird]

What's too bad?

[Nick Papadopoulos]

These cats is gone.

[Archie Bird]

Oh, God.

[Nick Papadopoulos]

A man, he see the advertisements. He's coming in last night. He says the cats ain't his, but he'll buy him anyway.

[Fanny Bird]

Where is he? Where does he live?

[Nick Papadopoulos]

Just a minute. I got the address where he works. Here in my wallet.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, quick, let's have it, huh?

[Archie Bird]

Yeah. Is that the address?

[Nick Papadopoulos]

Yeah, yeah, this card.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, thanks, Mr. Papadopoulos.

[Nick Papadopoulos]

Don't mention.

[Mr. Whitby]

Don't.

[Archie Bird]

Men. Fanny.

[Fanny Bird]

What?

[Archie Bird]

Look at his card.

[Fanny Bird]

What's it say?

[Archie Bird]

Reginald Fletcher, taxidermist. You know what a taxidermist is, Archie?

[Fanny Bird]

He's an animal stuffer.

[Archie Bird]

Oh, get a load of this stuff for you. It's got everything in here from stuffed bears to chimpanzees.

[Fanny Bird]

You see. Stanley around?

[Nick Papadopoulos]

Can I help you, sir?

[Fanny Bird]

Madam, we're looking for a cat.

[Mr. Whitby]

A cat?

[Archie Bird]

Yeah, a black cat with a white spot on his neck.

[Mr. Whitby]

Oh, yes.

[Nick Papadopoulos]

Too bad.

[Archie Bird]

Too bad what?

[Fanny Bird]

You didn't stop them?

[Nick Papadopoulos]

I bought a cat that answered that description. Description? From a Mr. Popper.

[Fanny Bird]

Yeah, yeah, we know all about it. But where is he?

[Nick Papadopoulos]

I'm coming to that, madam. As I was saying, I bought the cat for a client. Someone who wanted a mounted animal of more or less that type. The cat was an excellent specimen, I must admit.

[Archie Bird]

Then the Stanley.

[Nick Papadopoulos]

I beg your pardon?

[Archie Bird]

Did you taxi him?

[Fanny Bird]

What did you do with him?

[Nick Papadopoulos]

Oh, unfortunately, my client changed his mind. And as I don't speculate with specimens, I had to give the animal away.

[Fanny Bird]

Who did you give it to?

[Nick Papadopoulos]

The cat pound, of course.

[Fanny Bird]

Cat pound, Archie. Maybe they'll gas him.

[Archie Bird]

Thanks a lot, Mr. Fletcher.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, drive like crazy, Archie. We gotta get to that cat pound quick. It's a matter of life and death. The man said we should look in this cage, Artie.

[Archie Bird]

Oh, this joint's a nut house. I never seen so many cats in my life.

[Fanny Bird]

Brown cats, black cats, white cats. Can you see Stanley in there? No, no, you keep on looking. I'll go back and talk to the man and see what happened to Stanley?

[Archie Bird]

What a thing for a grown man to do. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

[Fanny Bird]

Hey.

[Archie Bird]

Hey, Black, come over here. Now, you let me take a little. You nip my finger, you cute little. Here, kitty.

[Fanny Bird]

Stanley.

[Archie Bird]

Stanley, you hear me? Come to papa.

[Fanny Bird]

Stanley.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Come here.

[Fanny Bird]

Stanley ain't in there.

[Archie Bird]

No.

[Fanny Bird]

The guy told me there was a dame in here just half an hour before we came. She was looking for a black hat with a white spot too, and she found one inside the cage. She took it home with her.

[Archie Bird]

Well, did you get a name?

[Fanny Bird]

No, but he gave me a description. It was Adelaide Van Allen. Archie, My snooty cousin.

[Archie Bird]

Then she's got Stamp.

[Fanny Bird]

Yeah, but she'll only keep him over my dead body. Where is he?

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Keep out of my apartment.

[Fanny Bird]

Where is he? You hanah head. Give me back my Stanley before I tear you apart like a busted cloud.

[Archie Bird]

Fanny, take it easy.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Make one move into this apartment and I'll call the police. You'll get six months for housebreaking.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, yeah.

[Archie Bird]

She's right, Van. We can't bust into her place like that.

[Fanny Bird]

Then tell her to give us back our mouse. She's got him. She can't deny it. Stanley's inside, see?

[Adelaide Van Allen]

I won't deny it. And you can't deny that you've lost your claim to Stanley. You took miserable care of him. You permitted him to run away. And if it wasn't for me, they'd have gassed him.

[Fanny Bird]

Why, you empty headed Fan.

[Archie Bird]

Fan. She's right. We lost them. And she's got him now.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

I say I have. And in exactly two hours, Mr. Whitby will be here when he hears how I saved Stanley from certain death and how I plan to take better care of him than you can. Well, you can figure out the rest for yourself. Stanley's mind, Mrs. Bird, for good. Goodby.

[Archie Bird]

Well, that's that bad? Yeah, it goes up 500 bucks.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, it ain't only the money. It's Stanley, too. I'm gonna miss him.

[Archie Bird]

Maybe I better call the office and get my hack back, huh?

[Fanny Bird]

We were gonna go to Florida this winter and give Stanley a sunburn.

[Archie Bird]

Yeah, I know, I know. Well, let's forget about it, Fan. Hey, listen, we. We wasn't always rich, huh? But we were happy, huh? Money ain't everything, is it?

[Fanny Bird]

No, but right now I can't think.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Of a good substitute.

[Archie Bird]

Did you hear what I heard?

[Fanny Bird]

No.

[Archie Bird]

Maybe I'm hearing things, Van, but I swear I heard something.

[Fanny Bird]

Archie, look.

[Archie Bird]

Huh? But it's Stanley. Baby. Come to papa, huh?

[Fanny Bird]

Where'd he come from the kitchen?

[Archie Bird]

You see the dumb way the door is open. That's where he was, Stan. He must have been locked inside, the dumb waiter all his time.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, he's back. Archie's back. Quick, we gotta hurry.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Grab him.

[Fanny Bird]

Archie. We're gonna go right back to Adelaide's and Show him to Mr. Whitby.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

Oh, it's you.

[Fanny Bird]

It's us and Stanley.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

You're out of your mind. That cat isn't Stanley, Mr. Whitby.

[Mr. Whitby]

Yes, yes, Ms. Van Allen.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

I just told Mr. Whitby the facts, and he agrees with me. You lost the cat and I found him. And I can take better care of him than you.

[Archie Bird]

But we didn't lose him. Ladies. Right here.

[Adelaide Van Allen]

That cat's a fake. I've got the real one inside.

[Fanny Bird]

He's off a trolley. Mr. Whitby. Take a good look at this, massa. You'd recognize Stanley when you saw him, wouldn't you?

[Mr. Whitby]

Well, I. I admit it looks like Stanley, but. But you did lose him, didn't you?

[Adelaide Van Allen]

She got hold of another cat to take his place. Maybe he looks like Stanley, Mr. Whitby, but you haven't seen my cat yet. Come with me. They may look alike, but she'll have to take it to court to prove that Stanley isn't with me. He's inside this closet in a brand new basket I bought lined with silk.

[Mr. Whitby]

Holy cats.

[Fanny Bird]

He looks like Stanley. But it's got five kittens. Kittens?

[Mr. Whitby]

My word.

[Fanny Bird]

Kitten. And they look like they've just been born.

[Mr. Whitby]

Obviously, Stanley isn't the the kind of cat who'd have kittens.

[Archie Bird]

Yeah. So your cat must be an imposter, then.

[Fanny Bird]

Everything's okay. We keep Stanley, Mr. Whitby?

[Mr. Whitby]

Why, of course.

[Fanny Bird]

Oh, Archie, we're in. Oh, I could hug that cat to death. Kiss him, Archie. Show Mr. Whisby how much you like him. Give him a kiss.

[Archie Bird]

I think I'm getting a cold fan. And. And you wouldn't want him to catch it, would you, huh? But I tell you what. I'll tell you what. I'll do the next best thing. I'll take Stanley down to the corner drugstore and I'll treat him to a chocolate mortgage and a sauce.

[Narrator]

In the animal world, there is the hunter and the hunted. Hound and fox, hawk and sparrow, cat and mouse. We in the topmost species have also joined the hunt. But who is to judge precisely which of us are hounds or foxes as we enter the chase? The chase was created and written for the National Broadcasting Company by Lawrence Clee. Featured in tonight's cast were Larry Haynes, Anne Thomas, Edgar Staley, Ellen Claire, Roger de Koven, and Frank Milano. The Chase is directed and transcribed by Edward King. Next week, a countrywide manhunt involves three cold blooded killers and two lonely old women. When we resume the Chase tonight, it's Theater Guild on the air over NBC.

[Host]

There's more from Relic Radio Thrillers, the Chase and all of the other Relic radio podcasts@ Relicradio.com. you'll find our shoutcast stream there as well, with even more old time radio lots to listen to there, all made possible by your support. If you'd like to help out, visit donate. Relicradio.com or click on one of the links on the website. Thanks to those who have helped out. Thanks for joining me today. I'll be back tomorrow with the Horror next Friday with our new next episode of Relic Radio Thrillers.