Podcast Summary: "How to Masturbate Like a Lover (Not a Teenager)"

Podcast: Rena Malik, MD Podcast
Host: Rena Malik, MD
Guest: Caitlin V Neal
Date: January 14, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode takes a candid and practical approach to male masturbation, reframing it from a rushed, perfunctory act ("like a teenager") to a more mindful, self-loving practice ("like a lover"). Dr. Rena Malik, a board-certified urologist, teams up with sexuality educator Caitlin V Neal to discuss techniques, mindsets, and tools that can upgrade solo pleasure into a holistic practice that benefits sexual health, confidence, and relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Erotic Blueprints: A Framework for Self-Pleasure

[00:41 - 02:53]

• Caitlin introduces the “Erotic Blueprints” by Jaya: energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, and shapeshifter.
• Recommends starting with energetic touch (focusing on sensation, not just direct contact):
  • “If you rub your hands together ... float one hand over your arm. There's a space where I can actually feel my hand and my arm even without touching.” — Caitlin V Neal [01:11]
• Encourages awareness of tension or numbness in the body—useful information for future encounters.
• Gradually increase touch, then incorporate sensory elements (music, scents, lighting), making the environment self-nurturing.
  • “Men are just as sensorily oriented as women are. They just haven’t been given permission.” — Caitlin V Neal [02:41]

2. Upgrading Masturbation: Tools & Sensory Experience

[02:53 - 05:48]

• Emphasize treating masturbation as self-care, not just stress relief or release.
• Swap out lotions or petroleum-based products for high-quality lubricants (silicone- or oil-based).
  • “Lube is cheap. It’s 2025. Like, get a nice lube...throw out the Jergens.” — Caitlin V Neal [02:55]
  • “Do not use Vaseline or lotions, please.” — Dr. Rena Malik [03:26]
• Treat your genitals with care:
  • “Treat them like someone you love.” — Caitlin V Neal [03:37]
• Practice “Lingam massage”—slow, intentional genital touch focusing on sensation, not just reaching orgasm.
• Suggest “edging” (approaching orgasm then backing off) as a way to build awareness and stamina.
• Visualization—preferably imagining intimacy with a partner over porn—encouraged for greater presence.

3. Expanding the Pleasure Map: Full-Body Erogeny

[06:09 - 06:53]

• Explore using textures (silk, feathers) or entire body in masturbation, not just genitals.
  • “So much of our masturbation, both men and women, is so genital-focused...it ignores every other nerve ending that we have.” — Caitlin V Neal [06:24]
• Recognize that almost the whole body can be erotic—orgasm isn’t limited to physical stimulation of the genitals.
  • “You can orgasm without ever touching your genitals.” — Dr. Rena Malik [06:46]

4. Orgasmic Meditation & Guided Practice

[06:56 - 07:21]

• Caitlin advocates for orgasmic meditation and guided audio practices to overcome internal resistance or doubt.
  • “If the voice in your head is like, this is dumb...listen to someone else's voice guide you.” — Caitlin V Neal [06:56]

5. Addressing Male Reluctance & Mindsets

[07:21 - 07:48]

• Dr. Malik notes many men hesitate to prioritize their sexual wellness outside of partnered sex, equating self-care with embarrassment or reluctance.
• Caitlin encourages breaking these self-imposed barriers.
  • “If you care about getting it right on a physiological or biochemical level, why not take one or two extra steps to really bring it across all of the levels of your humanness?” — Caitlin V Neal [07:48]

6. Neo-Tantra, Lingam, and Yoni Massage: Healing Touch

[08:13 - 13:32]

• Explains the background of lingam (penis) and yoni (vulva) massage from tantric traditions.
• These are practices not just for pleasure but for healing—restoring blood flow, releasing tension.
  • “They are touching the genitals...in ways that are not purely based on getting to orgasm and are more about the things that every other massage is about.” — Caitlin V Neal [08:56]
• Regular genital massage may help reduce pelvic floor tension, benefit those who've experienced birth, or improve scar tissue.
• Enhances arousal, blood flow, healing, and sexual sensation.

7. Prostate Play: Accessing New Pleasure

[13:41 - 17:51]

• Dr. Malik brings up prostate massage and the stigma or uncertainty around it.
• Caitlin underscores slowness and patience—a recurring episode theme.
  • “Just do it slower.” — Caitlin V Neal [14:07]
• Anatomy note: patience is required to allow both anal sphincters to relax (one can’t be consciously controlled).
• Experiment with different toys or fingers; anatomy varies greatly.
• Lubrication is essential:
  • “The anus is not self-lubricating...it will not produce lubricant.” — Dr. Malik [17:44]
• Prostate play isn’t for everyone, but might surprise those who try it even just externally (perineal stimulation).

8. Titration and Variation: The Erotic Journey

[17:56 - 22:30]

• Dr. Malik asks about keeping variety and rhythm in partnered sex.
• Caitlin advocates for “titration”—a slow build-up, never starting at “a 10.”
  • “If you don’t really start at a one, you can’t really enjoy all the stops up to 10.” — Caitlin V Neal [18:23]
• Suggests moving up and down in intensity, weaving in variations in speed, touch, sensation, to maintain engagement and surprise.
• A/B testing as a playful way to discover what works for your partner.
• Avoid monotonous repetition as the body quickly tunes out unchanging stimulation.
• Being present, adjusting, and attuned keeps sex exciting and fulfilling.
  • “You will leave both partners not just satisfied... It’s easier to be present when things are changing.” — Caitlin V Neal [21:18]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Lube is cheap. It’s 2025. Like, get a nice lube...throw out the Jergens.”
  — Caitlin V Neal [02:55]
• “Treat them like someone you love.”
  — Caitlin V Neal [03:37]
• “If the voice in your head is like, this is dumb...listen to someone else's voice guide you.”
  — Caitlin V Neal [06:56]
• “If you don’t really start at a one, you can’t really enjoy all the stops up to 10.”
  — Caitlin V Neal [18:23]
• “You can orgasm without ever touching your genitals.”
  — Dr. Rena Malik [06:46]
• “Orgasms are not always guaranteed, but the journey is always a part of the experience.”
  — Caitlin V Neal [22:20]

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:41] — Introduction to Erotic Blueprints
• [02:55] — Why choose high-quality lube
• [04:20] — The importance of nurturing your body through self-touch
• [06:24] — Expanding pleasure past genitals
• [07:48] — The mindset shift needed for male sexual self-care
• [08:13] — Explanation & benefits of lingam/yoni massage
• [13:41] — Prostate play: how to start and why slowness matters
• [17:56] — Maintaining arousal and engagement through titration & variation

Conclusion

In this episode, Dr. Malik and Caitlin V Neal deliver permission—and practical advice—to make self-pleasure a mindful, nourishing, and exploratory practice. Their conversation dispels shame, invites curiosity, and offers evidence-based approaches to sexual well-being, advocating for pleasure as both self-love and self-care.

For anyone seeking to elevate not only their masturbation but also their overall sexual experience and relationships, this episode provides concrete tools, fresh perspectives, and a warm, encouraging tone.

For more depth:
Catch the full episode of the Rena Malik, MD podcast featuring Caitlin V Neal.