Restaurant Unstoppable with Eric Cacciatore

Episode 1224: Three Elements that Define Excellence with Rudy Miick, Part 2
Release Date: October 2, 2025

Episode Overview

In the second installment of this three-part workshop series, host Eric Cacciatore welcomes back renowned consultant Rudy Miick, Founder and President of Miick Companies. The episode explores the dynamic topic of Cartman’s (Karpman’s) Drama Triangle and how conscious communication can elevate restaurant teams beyond drama into cultures of excellence. Emphasizing actionable insights, Rudy breaks down the drama triangle’s roles (rescuer, persecutor, victim), explains the pitfalls for hospitality teams, and presents strategies to turn intention into results through purposeful, present-focused communication.

Main Discussion Topics & Insights

1. Living “On Purpose” as a Leadership Mantra

(05:13 – 08:39)

• Rudy Miick’s Success Mantra:
  • “Be on purpose.”
  • Rudy signs off all correspondence with “Be well, be on purpose.”
• Why It Matters:
  • In turbulent times—political, economic, or otherwise—success comes from leading and acting intentionally, guided by purpose and values.
  • “Sometimes, to be louder, I need to be quieter. I need to be more intentional.” (06:39, Rudy Miick)

2. Setting the Stage: Three Elements from Part 1

(08:39 – 10:52)

• Recap of part one: vision, values, and purpose as foundational tools.
• Today’s focus: Cartman's Drama Triangle and conscious communication as tools to “remove drama” and build healthy, high-performance cultures.
• Preview of Rudy’s upcoming “Power Hour” sessions.

3. Introducing Cartman’s (Karpman’s) Drama Triangle

(10:52 – 18:00)

• Background:
  • Developed by Dr. Stephen Karpman (not Cartman), an MD, to describe passive-aggressive, victim-perpetrator-rescuer dynamics in relationships.
• The Triangle:
  • Inverted triangle with roles of Rescuer (Enabler), Persecutor (Controller/Villain), Victim.
• Why It Matters:
  • These roles show up in the workplace and personal life, preventing effective communication, engagement, and growth.

“The more intentional I can be in my communication, the more effective my performance will be.”
— Rudy Miick (11:38)

4. Deep Dive: The Roles within the Drama Triangle

(18:00 – 39:00)

• How Roles Cycle:
  • Example: The “A+ Player” volunteer who covers every shift eventually burns out, becomes resentful, and unwittingly creates cycles of dependence and dysfunction.
  • Volunteering morphs from Rescuer to Victim.
  • Managers may exploit this cycle or perpetuate it through neglect.

Rescuer (“Hero/Enabler”)

• Always “saving the day,” taking extra shifts, or handling problems for others.
• Origin in childhood: The “good kid” seeking approval or love by helping.
• Downside: Others become dependent, enabling learned helplessness.

Persecutor (“Controller/Villain”)

• Often a boss or promoted employee who blames others, gives unclear direction, expects “common sense.”
• “Controllers” often rotate into the victim role if challenged and back into rescue if unappreciated.

Victim (“Doormat”)

• Person habitually justifying missed work, lateness, mistakes with excuses.
• Attracts rescuers and sparks persecutor reactions.

“There’s no good position. I don’t want to be in the triangle anywhere. Stephen will say that time and time again.”
— Rudy Miick (28:13)

5. Recognizing and Avoiding the Triangle

(39:00 – 50:00)

• Drama signals:

  • Stories about the past or worries about the future: “Yesterday…”, “Last year…”, “What about next week?”
  • Absolutes and blaming: “Always”, “Never”, “Everyone”, “No one”, “They…”, “It’s their fault…”

• Drama is “high RPM, like a truck in two-wheel drive stuck in the mud, spinning its wheels, going nowhere.” (38:05, Rudy Miick)

• Staying out of the triangle:

  • Teach everyone, from dishwasher to C-suite, about the triangle.
  • Use real-time triggers: When you hear drama cues, pause and ask, “Are we in drama?”
  • Redirect to the present moment: “What can we do right now?”

“The goal is not to be in the triangle…Get present.”
— Rudy Miick (40:38)

6. Tools for Conscious Communication

(54:17 – 66:25)

• Conscious Communication:
  • Trademark structure developed by Miick, integrating the drama triangle, Miick’s “safe space” protocols, and external works (Patty Wilson).
  • Three pillars: Karpman’s Triangle, Miick Safe Space, additional authorship (not detailed here).

Practical Tools:

1. Collective “I” Leadership:
   • Speak from within the group (“We greet every guest…”) rather than dictating from outside (“You need to…”).
   • “I need each of us on the team to greet every guest…” (55:01, Rudy Miick)
2. Staying Present:
   • Address issues happening now, not past/future stories.
   • Ask: “What can we do right now to deal with this?”
3. Intention and Impact:
   • Leaders should name their intention, then check the impact:
     • “What are your takeaways?”
     • Adjust based on team feedback for clarity and effectiveness.
4. Losing Pronouns:
   • Use names or inclusive language (Tommy, Bob, ‘each of us’) instead of “they/them/he/she/it” to personalize and avoid depersonalization.
5. Ownership of Experience:
   • Recognize that everyone has their own “truths” based on life experience.
   • Invite diverse perspectives to build collective solutions.

“If I can use proper nouns, names…we speak to the audience we’ve got in hand by name.”
— Rudy Miick (47:47)

7. The Power of Tone and Nonverbal Communication

(67:33 – 70:49)

• Communication is:
  • 7% words,
  • 35–45% body language,
  • The rest is tone.
• Leaders must embody positivity, enthusiasm, and clarity—these nonverbal cues are more influential than words.

“In order to restore souls, we need to support each other by being present, using the tools in communication.”
— Rudy Miick (68:08)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• 06:29 – “Sometimes to be louder, I need to be quieter.” — Rudy Miick
• 08:39 – “It’s very rare that anybody gets to greatness by accident.” — Rudy Miick
• 28:13 – “There’s no good position. I don’t want to be in the triangle anywhere.” — Rudy Miick
• 38:05 – “Drama...is like a truck in two-wheel drive stuck in the mud, spinning its wheels at high RPM, going nowhere.” — Rudy Miick
• 44:14 – “This is being in a gain mindset. What can we do today?...How can we take action now?” — Eric Cacciatore
• 45:38 – “Here are some triggers...we are likely in drama. So the way to pose this...Are we in drama? Could this be drama?” — Rudy Miick
• 55:01 – “I need each of us on the team...” (on collective ‘I’ leadership) — Rudy Miick

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 05:00 Rudy’s mantra: “Be on purpose”
• 10:52 Introduction to Karpman’s Drama Triangle
• 18:00 Cyclical roles: Volunteer-to-victim example
• 24:25 – 34:00 Role-by-role breakdown: Rescuer, Persecutor, Victim
• 39:00 How the drama triangle shows up day-to-day
• 44:14 “Gain” mindset and staying present
• 47:13 Language and pronoun triggers for drama
• 54:17 What is conscious communication?
• 55:01 Collective “I” example for leaders
• 62:28 Checking intention versus impact
• 67:33 Importance of tone, energy, and non-verbal communication
• 71:10 Teaser for Part 3: Integrating all elements for high-performance brands

Episode Takeaways

• Drama happens when we fall into unconscious roles—rescuer, persecutor, victim—often out of habit, not malice.
• Awareness is the first step; then practice presence.
  • Call out drama triggers, ground the conversation in the present, and move to action.
• Lead by example with conscious language and collaborative focus.
  • Shift from “boss” to “coach.”
  • Foster a collective mindset: “We,” “Each of us.”
• Communication is mostly about how you show up;
  • Your words matter less than your tone and body language.
• Bonus Insight:
  • Open book management and shared success foster teams that play to win together, echoing Rudy’s decades of practical experience and Tom Brady’s leadership style.

Closing & How to Connect

Rudy Miick’s Contact:

• Email: rudym@miick.com
• Phone: 720-641-7565

Next Episode Preview:
Part 3 brings together vision, values, purpose, Karpman’s Drama Triangle, and conscious communication to build high performance brand experiences and team cultures.

For early access to all three parts:
Visit restaurantunstoppable.com/mick
Join the community and access group coaching:
restaurantunstoppable.com/live

“You go further when you choose to go together. And we’d love to have you come with us.”
— Eric Cacciatore (74:12)