Following your purpose (not your passion) with comedian Zarna Garg

Summary

Podcast Summary: ReThinking with Adam Grant — "Following Your Purpose (Not Your Passion)" with Zarna Garg

Episode Date: February 3, 2026
Host: Adam Grant
Guest: Zarna Garg, Comedian, Screenwriter, Author

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Overview

In this lively and candid episode, organizational psychologist Adam Grant sits down with comedian Zarna Garg to challenge the pervasive advice to "follow your passion." Instead, through humor and personal anecdotes, Zarna advocates for a more practical approach: following your purpose, finding meaning in your work, and "monetizing your misery." Along the way, the two discuss cultural expectations, the pitfalls of traditional career advice, the universality of comedy, and advice for career changers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Challenging "Follow Your Passion"

• Opening Hot Take
  • Zarna immediately decries the common advice to “follow your passion.”
  • Quote: “Nobody’s passion took them to be a lung transplant doctor. Do something the world needs, okay? Please monetize your misery. It’s fine. Your passion can be a side gig.” (Zarna, 01:12)
• Adam paraphrases: "So, your advice is: Don’t follow your passion, follow your purpose." (01:43)

2. Zarna’s Unconventional Path to Comedy

• Brief business failures (vegan chili, tomato sauce, matchmaking) led to introspection.
• Daughter Zoya recognized Zarna’s true talent for making people laugh and encouraged the career pivot.
  • Quote: “If I did one thing right in my life, it’s actually listening to my kids, my daughter.” (Zarna, 06:42)
• Zarna initially resisted ("That’s not a job!"), feeling humor was a cultural liability.
• Daughter’s unique birthday gift—a compilation of 100+ personal memories from friends and family highlighting Zarna’s humor—served as a turning point. (07:03–08:29)

3. First Steps into Stand-Up

• Zarna’s first "set" was at an open mic, intended only for a selfie to appease her kids.
• She found herself riffing about her mother-in-law and daily annoyances; the room responded with genuine laughter.
  • Quote: “The more I did, I could just see the other comics dying. ... Open mics are notoriously hard places to make somebody laugh.” (Zarna, 09:19–11:29)
• Realization that deeply personal and "specific" stories can have universal resonance.

4. Crafting Purposeful Comedy

• Zarna takes a “science-backed approach,” recording and dissecting every performance for audience reaction.
  • Quote: “I audiotape almost every show … I have a very science-backed approach to what I do and I’m very proud of it.” (Zarna, 12:40)
• Chooses to leave heavy personal trauma out of her act: “All I want is for you [the audience] to feel light and happy, like you leave walking on a cloud. I don’t need to change your mind.” (Zarna, 15:31)
• Observes that “mother-in-law jokes” always land, while “father-in-law” material falls flat—touches on gender stereotypes and cross-cultural universality. (16:58–18:13)

5. Cultural Expectations and Career Choices

• Zarna plays with her South Asian upbringing and parental expectations.
• She debates Adam about the value of STEM vs. humanities/social science majors:
  • Zarna advocates for at least a STEM minor/degree for economic security.
  • Adam refers to research showing humanities grads catch up in earnings over time due to critical thinking and adaptable skills. (21:34–24:29)
  • Quote (Zarna): “It’s so expensive that please, please get some kind of STEM degree as backup, because life is very uncertain.” (24:01)
  • Quote (Zarna): “We like that [misery]. That is our wheelhouse. We’re Indian people. We don’t believe in fun.... The idea that you can be joyful and have a business, it’s alien to us, even to me.” (25:42)

6. Lightning Round: Memorable Moments

• Matchmaking & "Lowering the Bar":
  • “Prince Charming’s not going to find you. He can’t even find his socks.... Drop it lower in the gutter. … Everybody’s a red flag. You know how many red flags my husband is? He’s like a walking Tiananmen Square. At some point, you gotta settle.” (Zarna, 28:30)
• How Zarna Met Her Husband:
  • Shared her original matrimonial internet ad: “Kindly include your most recent tax returns and medical records.” (29:16–30:27)
  • Her husband thought the ad was “obnoxious,” but hundreds replied regardless.
• Dream Dinner Party Guests: Oprah and Kris Jenner for their life lessons in responsibility and entrepreneurial success. (32:08)

7. Rethinking Identity, Marriage, and Cultural Mix

• Zarna: “I’m all about the Indian kids not marrying Indian people. … We seem to act better when we mix with other cultures.” (32:45)

8. Advice for Late/Career Switchers

• Direct advice: “You can’t afford not to. If you’re thinking about it, there’s a reason you’re at that crossroads.... If the fear of what people think is stopping you, let me just reassure you that nobody cares.” (Zarna, 33:24)
  • Adam adds: “People are not paying as much attention to you as you think they are.” (34:10)
  • Quote (Zarna, 34:38): "The people who judge you are probably not doing anything. Anybody who’s done anything real will not judge you harshly because they, too, have fallen and gotten up.”

9. On Comedy as a Career for Her Kids

• Zarna is blunt: “No, no, no, no, no. ... It is not a good lifestyle choice... Do comedy for fun. Don’t become a comedian.” (34:54–35:56)
  • Adam agrees: “Do it as a hobby until you prove that it could become a career.” (35:51)

10. Is Humor a Curse or a Gift?

• Zarna: “I think my humor is a curse and a weapon. It has to be used correctly.... But it can very much be a curse if you buy into the hype around it.” (36:02)
  • Her family, especially her husband, keeps her grounded.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “Monetize your misery.” (Zarna, 01:47)
• On sitcom success: “You want me to learn improv, I will learn improv. You want me to go out there and be so boring that everything you say flies? I will bomb, deliberate, happily, no problem.” (Zarna describing her pitch to Amy Poehler & Tina Fey, 03:14)
• Zarna on her internet dating strategy:
  • "Kindly include your most recent tax returns and medical records." (Zarna, 29:18)
• Adam summarizes the psychology: “People are not paying as much attention to you as you think they are.” (34:10)

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Insight | |-----------|----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:09 | Zarna’s “worst career advice”: Follow your passion | | 06:42 | Zarna credits her children for her career redirection | | 09:19 | First open mic: “I just started trashing my mother in law” | | 12:40 | Recording every show for feedback—“science-backed approach” | | 16:58 | Why mother-in-law jokes work, father-in-law jokes flop | | 21:34 | Debate on STEM vs humanities degrees | | 25:42 | Cultural acceptance of misery and joy in work | | 28:30 | Matchmaking wisdom and lowering the bar | | 29:16 | The original internet matrimonial ad | | 32:45 | Changing mind on marrying within the Indian community | | 33:24 | Advice for mid/late-career switches | | 34:54 | Why she’d discourage her own kids from being comedians | | 36:02 | The power and double-edged sword of humor |

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Overall Tone & Energy

Zarna brings sharp wit, honesty, and a blend of cultural commentary and practical advice. Adam meets her with data, curiosity, and a spirit of constructive debate, all delivered in a warm, energetic, and authentic conversation.

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Key Takeaways

• Don’t just "follow your passion"—identify a purpose, meet real needs, and embrace the messiness of work and life.
• Specific, authentic stories often have surprising, universal resonance.
• Rethink what work and education are “for”—balance practicality with fulfillment, but don't ignore economic realities or transferable skills.
• Self-reinvention is daunting, but the fearful spotlight is mostly in your own head.
• Use your “curse” (talent, uniqueness) intentionally—as a weapon for good, not as a liability.

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End of Summary.

Transcript

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[Adam Grant]

What is the worst career advice you've ever gotten?

[Zarna Garg]

Follow your passion.

[Adam Grant]

Everyone hates that. Why do you hate it?

[Zarna Garg]

No, please, no, please, no. Nobody's passion took them to be a lung transplant doctor. Do something that the world needs, okay? Like, please monetize your misery. It's fine. Your passion can be a side gig. And a lot of people think that I'm being hypocritical. I'm not. I believe that I'm doing work that is pushing boundaries for women all over the world, especially brown women who've never known a world where they can say these things. And I'm telling you, I run it like a business.

[Adam Grant]

So I think your advice is don't follow your passion, follow your purpose and.

[Zarna Garg]

Monetize your misery is what I say.

[Adam Grant]

Hey, everyone, it's Adam Grant. Welcome back to Rethinking my podcast with Ted on the science of what makes us tick. I'm an organizational psychologist and I'm taking you inside the minds of fascinating people to explore new thoughts and new ways of thinking. Zarna Garg is a stand up comic, screenwriter, bestselling author, and one of the busiest people in comedy right now. But her journey to success was not a straight line. Comedy was a late career pivot for Zarna, who previously tried to start multiple businesses. There was a vegan chili company, a tomato sauce brand, a matchmaking service, but none of them worked out. Then her daughter Zoya had an idea and she Launched a campaign to convince her mom to try comedy instead. And Zarna crushed it.

[Zarna Garg]

Adam, should we get into trashing my mother in law right away? Let's just get this party started now.

[Adam Grant]

When Zarna stepped up to her first open mic in 2018, she didn't know how to craft a joke. But since then, she's won Kevin Hart's comedy competition, put out an hour long comedy special, and made a successful pitch to open for Amy Poehler and Tina Fey.

[Zarna Garg]

I read about the tour in a newspaper like everybody else. So I remember calling everybody and being like, they must need an opener. They must need an opener. Somebody's gotta warm the crowd up. Somebody's gotta seat these people.

[Adam Grant]

And what was your pitch?

[Zarna Garg]

I mean, my pitch was quite desperate. I was like, listen, I will do whatever you want. You want me to learn improv, I will learn improv. You want me to go out there and be so boring that everything you say flies? I will bomb, deliberate, happily, no problem. But luckily, it didn't come down to any of that. They actually knew me from my work on social media and were happy to discover that I was a real classic standup comic. And then things just fell into place. They tried other comics. You know, Stina and Amy, they had their own process. And I was very fine with surviving all the audition rounds because I knew in the end they would come back to. I had the confidence, there's no way anybody's gonna top this hot mess.

[Adam Grant]

Right? You were okay. Well, Zarna, I've been excited for this conversation since before I reached out, because you have been making me laugh for some several years now.

[Zarna Garg]

I am so honored. I can't even believe it. It's reaching you. It's reaching the white guy.

[Adam Grant]

Is that all? Is that all I am to you? A white guy?

[Zarna Garg]

You're so much more than that. But the fact that this tiny little Indian auntie thing is reaching you is shocking to me.

[Adam Grant]

Well, it's not at all surprising to me. I think I actually first came across you when I read a little essay in the New York Times by somebody who recognized your, at the time, hidden potential as a standup comic.

[Zarna Garg]

Yeah, it was my daughter. So she watched me try and fail at launching many businesses. I was a stay at home mom at the time. She's my oldest of three. And I used to take my kids everywhere I went, Even when I was pitching ideas or trying to sell a product or whatever because I wanted them to learn. I was so sure everything I pitched was gonna be a super hit, that I was Like, I want them to witness the moment. Instead, what they witnessed was, like, a series of failures. And I think it was a vegan chili place. I was trying to pitch a vegan chili product to a steakhouse because the vegans are always stuck at the steakhouse when we go with our loved ones. I've been in that situation. I was convinced if I made the best vegan chili, they would just add it to their menus. And she saw the guy buy it and throw it the minute we turned. But he spent an hour talking to us. And that, I think, was one of the moments that my daughter was like, you know, maybe it's her chit chat, chatter, whatever this thing is that she does when she meets people, they just want to talk to you. They don't care about whatever this other stuff is. And when we came home, she goes, you know, mom, maybe you should do comedy. And I was like, that's not a job. Like, who thinks comedy is a job? No one. How am I gonna make money doing that already? My whole life, people told me I was funny, and I thought it was the biggest curse.

[Adam Grant]

Curse? Why?

[Zarna Garg]

I was like, yeah, what do you do with funny? I mean, my whole family is surgeons, doctors, mathematicians. Those are skilled. You do something with that. What do you do with a funny person? I remember my mom being absolutely traumatized when I was a kid. Somebody said, she's so funny. My mom was horrified. She's like, we didn't get the cpa. We didn't get the accountant, not the scientist. We got the funny one. What do you do with that?

[Adam Grant]

Well, clearly she hadn't read all the research showing that humor is a sign of intelligence, and it's a way to establish warmth and kindness.

[Zarna Garg]

We are learning now. We are learning, and our all American kids are teaching us. If I did one thing right in my life, it's actually listening to my kids, my daughter.

[Adam Grant]

Okay, to that point, initially, you were resistant, and thankfully, you rethought that hesitation. And I understand one of the pivotal moments was a birthday present that your daughter Zoya got you. Tell me about that.

[Zarna Garg]

Yeah, so she knew that I wasn't taking this funny thing seriously, but she started becoming adamant. As kids do, you know, you dig in your heels, as they say in America. So she. I remember she was in ninth grade. I think she would sit on her computer for hours and, like, be on Facebook. And I was like, what are you doing on Facebook? And she was reaching out to everybody from my past. My childhood friends, you know, my relatives, people I worked with 20 years ago. And she asked them all to write notes about a memory with me. Whatever stood out. So she collected all these notes, like a hundred and something notes. Each note was like some version of, you've made us laugh. You're ready for a stage. The responses were pretty unanimous. I've been doing funny speeches my whole life. Now, I know it's a comedy set, but we never thought of it that way. I was the person who. I walked into a wedding, and somebody would hand me a mic for no reason. They would just be like, make a funny speech. And I would sit there and be like, oh, well, did you see this outfit? And what do you think about this piece of dessert or whatever? And try to make it funny. And I was really shocked. I was blown away, honestly, because it never occurred to me that I had impacted people in a way that they would remember 20, 30 years later. I mean, a lot of them I haven't even seen or heard from in decades. So even the emotional impact of that was quite big on my heart.

[Adam Grant]

Wow, okay. And what happened then? Did you immediately change your mind and go do your first set?

[Zarna Garg]

No, of course not. No. I thought, my kid has gone completely crazy. I got mad at her because she was in high school and she should have been studying for the SATs. And she was equally, like, insistent that this was a path that I had to explore. So then she recruited her brothers to push me in this comedy direction. And I made a pact with them that I will go wherever this comedy thing is and see what it's about. Cause I had never stepped foot in a comedy club until that point. So I didn't even know where I was gonna go. But I agreed to look into it and take a selfie so I can prove to them that I went, and then we can move on past this. But there was no plan to, like, actually make a joke or write a joke or any of. I didn't even know that was a thing.

[Adam Grant]

So what happened on the first set? I think pretty much every comedian I know bombed the first time they got on stage.

[Zarna Garg]

I didn't have a set. My plan was I will go and take a selfie just to shut my kids up so I could go back to doing other real things in my mind. So a mom friend of mine had told me that her friend was running something called an open mic in the basement of a Mexican restaurant in Manhattan. And she said, why don't you go talk to this mom, because maybe she knows where you do this comedy thing. So I went. It was a Wednesday Afternoon, I believe at noon. And it was. Was a comedy club. And I remember thinking, who are all these people down here? Like, don't they all have jobs? And then as the open mic progressed, I was like, oh, I see, they're making jokes and they're testing jokes with each other. Okay, fine. I mean, this is like a business. But still not connecting it to myself. I took my selfies and I was about to exit, and the mom who was running the club said, you're already here. Why don't you do five minutes? And I was like, five minutes of what? And she said, just go on stage and talk about whatever you think is funny. And so I got up on stage and I just started trashing my mother in law, who doesn't think that's funny. You know, I just started like talking about all the things that irritate me about life in the West. I remember having a whole bit about high heels and how annoying high heels are and whatever. I was just ranting. There was no set. And the more I did, I could just see the other comics dying. Now you have to understand what I know today. Open mics are notoriously hard places to make somebody laugh because every comic there is concerned with their set. And I remember when I was about to get off one of the comics. No, do more, do more and more. I was shocked. I didn't think anybody would care about me and my stories, especially the world that I came from where, like, my stories felt so, so specific to my life, you know, why would anybody care?

[Adam Grant]

And yet they turn out to be universally relevant.

[Zarna Garg]

It still is shocking to this day to me. I mean, my biggest, one of my most viral bit was I've never said I love you to my husband. And I really thought when I wrote that joke that I must be the only person in the world who's in a very loving marriage, but has never said the words. Because if you look around you in pop culture, you feel like everybody is always saying I love you to everybody at all times. And then millions of people from all over the world were like, we don't say it either. I mean, listen, Indians, it's a big country for arranged marriages. So you don't really sit there and think, do you love this person? No. You're like, this is a good match. We're also not a very sexed up culture. Like, no Indian I know has ever had sex. How we became a billion people is beyond me.

[Adam Grant]

So one of the things that I find really interesting about your approach to comedy is something you alluded to which is you rant a lot and most people's rants are annoying. There's something different about the way you ran that opens people up instead of pushing them away. What do you think that is?

[Zarna Garg]

I know what it is. It's a well crafted joke. It's delivered as a rant. But you can't just rant. I mean, once I got into the business, I learned everything about it. I audiotape almost every show that I do so I can hear why the audience is laughing. Is the audience embarrassed? Is the audience with me? Are they nervous? Am I creating anxiety? I have a very science backed approach to what I do and I'm very proud of it. I like producing good quality work. The delivery of it feels like it's your mom just saying it off the cuff. But isn't that the challenge is to make complicated things look and feel simple?

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[Adam Grant]

I'm so curious about what you learned from listening to your early jokes.

[Zarna Garg]

I used to do a lot of jokes about my own life in India, which has a lot of sadness and heaviness to it. And it made the audience very uncomfortable. And I decided early on not to go down that road. Because if you're paying ticket money to come see me, all I want is for you to feel light and happy, like you leave walking on a cloud. I don't need to change your mind. That's also the advantage of coming to something later in life. You're done trying to change people's minds, you know, so well I'm not.

[Adam Grant]

That's what I do for a living. But keep going.

[Zarna Garg]

I mean, the thing that I watch out for in my audio tapes is nervousness, anxiety. I used to be a very anxious joke writer. I used to be like, oh, my God. Everything was centered around the idea of, is the audience gonna be interested in this? Is this widely resonant enough of a topic? But today I'm much more confident in my storytelling. When I first started, any silence made me very me very anxious. I was like, oh, my God, my career is gonna end if there's a 30 second silence. Now I'm a little more experienced. I can even tell if the audience was on its edge or were they checked out, you know? Like, I'll give you an example. I make mother in law jokes. I just have to say the words mother in law. Everybody is like sitting up. If I say, and do you want to hear about my father in law lead balloon? Nothing. Nothing. And you can hear the energy shift in the tape.

[Adam Grant]

Wow.

[Zarna Garg]

That. It's like they just don't want to hear it. And my father in law is a hysterical character. He really is. He's proud of things I never thought you could be proud of. He loves to say, no Garg will ever wear glasses because he thinks it's his genetics. And meanwhile, he walks into the wall every day, but people don't want to hear it, so it's out. Why it's. I don't know why. It's a mystery to me. But the father in law, not interesting. Mother in law, sister in law is another character I'm working on. Very interesting. People sit up, but father in law, dad there's few topics I've found where I like. This just doesn't track at all.

[Adam Grant]

Okay, so I have a couple of theories about why that might be. Tell me what you think. Yeah, the first one is that I think people run into more problems with their mothers in law and sisters in law because when somebody in that role is assertive, it violates a gender stereotype that, you know, a strong father in law or brother in law doesn't as much it's okay for him to, you know, be a little bit overbearing. But her. Not okay.

[Zarna Garg]

Yeah, not okay.

[Adam Grant]

And then I also wonder if the source matters here. So is it more legit for you to make fun of a woman than a man?

[Zarna Garg]

For sure. I think the men don't like it. But as a woman, I make fun of men. Although I will tell you that I've seen a noticeable change in the audience. When I first started, it was all women coming with their women friends. Now it's close to 50 50, where a lot of guys are dying. I mean, if I make an Indian uncle joke, they love it. Love it. I mean, I did a lot of Zoom shows. I remember back during COVID I was one of the earliest adapters on Zoom, and I would have to do shows, you know, with the chat that's running through the zoom and uncles are merciless. Adam and he joked that that wasn't funny. As we're all reading the chat as my set is progressing. That wasn't funny. Okay, she's a little funny. Ha ha. So when I make jokes about Indian uncles, they're fine with it now, but it's been a little bit of a journey, and I think you're onto something.

[Adam Grant]

There that's so interesting. So you have to bring the audience with you in order to get the license to be able to make fun of men.

[Zarna Garg]

I think so. I think otherwise in their perception, otherwise in their mind, you're this rage filled, you know, anti man, anti patriarchy woman who's like, a little hysterical. And I already have a little hysterical energy around me when I'm on stage, so I don't need any more. The thing is that it's not an act. Sometimes people think it's an act. After doing as many shows as I've done and I continue to do when I get on stage, I just. I can't believe I found the thing.

[Adam Grant]

Well, that's one of the things that I find so endearing about your performances is, is the authenticity.

[Zarna Garg]

And people pay me for it. It's shocking sometimes. I'm like, no, no, keep the money. It's okay, I'll do it anyway. You want me to yell at your son? I'll do it. Just so you know, people pay more money to sit front row with their grown kids because they know if I ask them like, what are you doing? And he's like, I'm a history major. They know I'm gonna rail right into him.

[Adam Grant]

I'm glad you brought this up, Zarna. Cause I wanna fight with you about your stance on majors and careers. Give me your rant first.

[Zarna Garg]

Well, listen, to be clear, I'm not against the humanities. I'm not against any of those careers. But to go to college and have a half a million dollar degree, which is where we are right now in America, at least where I was with my kids, for a degree that has no clear strategy on how you're gonna recover the cost of it, you cannot do it alone. I told my daughter, she's a good writer. She's published in the New York Times now multiple times. And at Stanford, her teachers were like, you're a good writer. Don't do computer science. You stay with the writing. And I was like, absolutely not. You want to write? You can sit at home and write, or you go to Stanford and you get a computer degree. Please, for God's sake, every computer secret out there needs to be in your pocket. So we reached an agreement, and she did both, which is what a lot of South Asian kids do today, because the parents will not fund that whole experience, which scares us.

[Adam Grant]

Okay, and what is your fear exactly?

[Zarna Garg]

My fear is that she's gonna end up spending all this money on a degree that she's not gonna know how to recover the cost of if money was not an object. Sure, go study. Whatever. Cause my kids, for example, I believe my kids are very hardworking, resilient kids. They're gonna be fine no matter what they do. Right, I know that, but it's a lot easier.

[Adam Grant]

All right, so here's your invitation to rethink this rant a little bit. Yes. If you look at the data, you are right that humanities and social science majors earn less money in their first job than STEM majors. But they catch up over time.

[Zarna Garg]

Yeah.

[Adam Grant]

And I think the reason for that is technical skills become obsolete very quickly. Whereas what you learn in English, history, classics, psychology, sociology, anthropology, are critical thinking and problem solving skills, communication and collaboration skills. And those become increasingly valuable as your career advances. So shouldn't you be prioritizing those skills? Especially in a world where we can automate or outsource more and more of the technical skills.

[Zarna Garg]

No, we shouldn't be prioritizing. I think you need both. This is what I'm advocating for, by the way. I did a deep dive on your entire social media and I saw that and I agree with it. Yeah, no, I agree with it. But I think saying you can automate your way out is a little naive. You still have to have a working understanding of technology, otherwise you're gonna end up entering this new age of ours. Absolutely. Like, horrified of tech. You don't need to be that. I don't think my daughter will ever be an A coder. Her heart is not in it. It's very obvious. She'll tell you herself, but she's not frightened of it. We are using every AI tool known to man. Every AI thing. But she figures it out because she has enough of a fluency that she's not nervous about it, which is what I advocate. And I think you need both. Right?

[Adam Grant]

Yeah, I think those are fair points. I think where I might push back a little bit is to say a lot of the STEM learning has happened throughout school, right? So from, you know, pre kindergarten all the way through senior year of high school, you've had a ton of exposure to math and science and increasingly computer science. And by the way, most of our students come to Penn knowing how to code. They're all using AI very avidly. You don't need to take a class to build those skills. And by contrast, I think about the research on where you actually learn how to be a good critical thinker. And it is mostly in the social sciences and humanities where instead of having laws of chemistry or rules of code, you have to think in contingencies and probabilities and understand how to see multiple sides of an argument. And ultimately, that's what really sharpens your ability to think, doesn't it, Zarna?

[Zarna Garg]

No, you're not wrong. But my pushback to you is just. It's so expensive that please, please get some kind of STEM degree as a backup, because life is very uncertain. I'll tell you the movie I made. My director loves directing movies. He's now an author. He's put out a TV series. He's a creator of the Resident on fx and then he directed this movie. But he also on the side is a cancer surgeon and his mom will not let him quit.

[Adam Grant]

This is your dream son in law?

[Zarna Garg]

This is my dream son in law. I didn't wanna do a movie because I didn't think anything would come out of it. For me, I was like, why am I wasting my time? I don't wanna do this. But when I met him, he's like, my mom won't let me stop practicing medicine. He's a legitimate Hollywood director, but three months of every year he has to stop what he's doing and the cancer doctor that he is, because his mom won't let him. I believe his mom's words, even though he is one of the most sought after directors in Hollywood, were. I don't believe in this Hollywood thing.

[Adam Grant]

You know, we're almost in alignment here. I think the one thing I, I struggle with a little bit on this is I look at the students who are doing double majors like you're advising, and I think you're right. They're basically future proofing themselves career wise. But they're miserable. They miss out on the joy of college because they're taking too many classes, they have too much homework, they're very stressed. They're not building the kinds of relationships that ultimately both drive happiness and resilience. And I worry a lot about them. And I. I think I would feel a little better with a stem minor or some STEM hobbies.

[Zarna Garg]

No, no, no. You're misinterpreting the situation. They're miserable, yes, but we like that. That is our wheelhouse. We're Indian people. We don't believe in fun. You know why I'm shocked when I come up on stage and people always tell me like, you look exuberant. I am. Because my idea of a job or a business was absolutely tied to misery. The idea that you can be joyful and have a business, it's alien to us, even to me. And I'm living it.

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[Adam Grant]

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[Zarna Garg]

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[Zarna Garg]

And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you.

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[Zarna Garg]

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[Adam Grant]

I would love to go to a lightning round. Yeah, this is one of my favorite parts of the show. I mean, this is almost a ridiculous question for you, but what's a hot take that you're excited to defend that we haven't heard yet?

[Zarna Garg]

You know, I do a lot of matchmaking type stuff in my jokes, and I've realized that women have been holding themselves back so much because they think there's a Prince Charming out there who's gonna find them. First of all, Prince Charming's not gonna find you. He can't even find his socks. Like, let go of that. I almost wish that every woman could just get married once and divorced once so they could get on with their lives and drop the bar. That's the other thing. Drop it lower in the gutter. People go deep in the gutter. Everybody's a red flag. You know how many red flags my husband is? He's like a walking Tiananmen Square. At some point, you gotta settle.

[Adam Grant]

Wow. I have to ask. How did you meet your husband?

[Zarna Garg]

Online.

[Adam Grant]

More specifically, what was the ad that you placed?

[Zarna Garg]

Do you want me to read it? I have it.

[Adam Grant]

Yes.

[Zarna Garg]

Okay, hold on. Now it's gonna make me look even more psycho. So in 1997, I was a student in Cleveland, Ohio. A final year law student. I really wanted to meet somebody, but there weren't so many Indians around me. But at the time, the Internet was very new, and I remember seeing the first ever classifieds, and I decided. I was like, you know what? Why don't I look for somebody out on the Internet? Because where else am I gonna find them? And I put this ad out to some I am too short or too plump, too dark or too argumentative. But enough about me. This is what I need from you. A husband and a partner. Somebody who is ambitious but not ruthless, confident but not arrogant, and humble, but not timid. Most of all, he is honest. I am on a mission to build a very successful life, and you must be ready to go with me. Only contact me if you want to get married. No friends, all capitals with exclamation. Kindly include your most recent tax returns and medical records.

[Adam Grant]

What were you thinking when you wrote that?

[Zarna Garg]

I don't know what I was thinking. In hindsight, it sounds so crazy, but I didn't think it was crazy at the time. I came from a world of arranged marriages. Do you know how arranged marriages work, Adam? The parents will sit there and be like, well, he's wearing glasses, but she's short, so this is a match. These are the things. So I really thought I was being so, you know, practical in putting my truth out there.

[Adam Grant]

So how many people answered that ad?

[Zarna Garg]

Hundreds. Hundreds from all over the world. Yeah. But my husband famously did not respond to my ad in the way that he didn't think he was getting married. Him and his friends found my ad while they were goofing around the Internet in Switzerland. They were doing an engineering internship in Switzerland at the time, and they found my ad, and they were like, is this real? Because they thought the ad was obnoxious. And I was like, it's very real. In fact, I have all these responses and why are you wasting my time? I was annoyed.

[Adam Grant]

And what happened then?

[Zarna Garg]

He was a little upset that I wasn't blown away by his credentials. I mean, at the time, I didn't know what a big deal IIT was. And he was like, you know, I went to iit. I was like, okay. The third time he said it, I was like, am I supposed to do something with this? And he's like, it's a big deal. I said, okay, I take your word for it, you know, like, I didn't have any reason to push back.

[Adam Grant]

Well, I'm struck by the way that you just put yourself out there, like, this is who I am. This is what I'm looking for. I realize that's not gonna be for everyone.

[Zarna Garg]

It's gonna not be for most people, but you only need one.

[Adam Grant]

I love it. Okay, next question is, who are your dream dinner party guests?

[Zarna Garg]

You on the table for sure. Cause you could see it all. My wish list is Oprah. A lot of me taking personal responsibility in the early years of my life when a lot was going wrong was a direct result of her show, you know, where she was like, you are responsible for your own life. And I remember being like, okay, that's it. Kris Jenner is another big one. What she's built is aspirational to me. I mean, the fact that she got each kid to do their own thing and succeed at it at that level is just mind boggling.

[Adam Grant]

What is something you've changed your mind about lately?

[Zarna Garg]

I could give you another hot take here, but I get flamed for it. Oh, my God. I'm all about the Indian kids not marrying Indian people. I'm done. I'm so done. We seem to act better when we mix with other cultures. We really do. And maybe this is the future. Maybe this is the way we all evolve. You know, I already know my grandkids are going to be Cameron, Lincoln, Julia. There's not going to be a Pooja Sunil in my future.

[Adam Grant]

All right, what is your best advice for people who are thinking about a mid career or late career switch?

[Zarna Garg]

You can't afford not to. If you're thinking about it, there's a reason you're thinking about it. You can't afford not to take that chance. You need to roll up your sleeves, get in there. If the fear of what people think is stopping you, let me just reassure you that nobody cares. Absolutely nobody cares whether you succeed or fail. Nobody has time. So use that to liberate yourself. If you're thinking about it, there's a reason that you're at that crossroads. And if you're a person with good intentions, you're not out there killing somebody or causing other people to be killed. Get involved now. Get involved. I'm being mom. I'm being auntie. And I'm saying we need you on our team. We need you in this world. Just sitting there and overthinking and overanalyzing is not helping anybody. It's your obligation.

[Adam Grant]

Well, I love how you just nailed the psychology of both the spotlight effect and the overblown implications. Effect. Spotlight effect. People are not paying as much attention to you as you think they are. And overblown implications effect. People judge your competence much more by your successes than your failures. And I think that, for me, to your point about that being liberating, which says nobody actually judges you that much if you screw up or if you try something new.

[Zarna Garg]

The thing is that the people who judge you are probably not doing anything. Anybody who's done anything real will not judge you harshly because they, too, have fallen and gotten up.

[Adam Grant]

Okay, if one of your kids said they wanted to be a comedian professionally.

[Zarna Garg]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Adam Grant]

You're not okay with it?

[Zarna Garg]

No, no. Oh, no, no, no. It's been said. My older son has alluded to it, and I was like, no, no, no, no. It is not a good lifestyle choice. First of all, very, very toxic lifestyle. You're out nights and weekends. You get paid in drink tickets for years. I think there's easier ways to make money. I think. Do comedy for fun. Don't become a comedian, but do comedy for fun. I actually think comedy skills are highly transferable to every business and job. So a lot of people who take classes at the school that I help run on the Upper west side in Manhattan, they are like corporate people. They're entrepreneurs. They want to learn how to be better in social situations. I highly recommend that. But comedy as a business, no, my kids are not allowed. Absolutely not.

[Adam Grant]

I actually think that's great advice. Do it as a hobby until you prove that it could become a career.

[Zarna Garg]

Yeah.

[Adam Grant]

All right. And then the last question for you is, do you still think your humor is a curse?

[Zarna Garg]

I think my humor is a curse and a weapon. It has to be used correctly. It's very addictive to be on stage and have people laugh and clap. It's a very addictive feeling. You start believing you know better than others. And all that is a curse to me. But it is a weapon if used correctly. I like to use it to diffuse situations. I walk into complicated situations every day. Somebody is mad at something, and I use it tactically to diffuse things. I use it for a purpose that I believe is for the higher good. But it can very much be a curse if you buy into the hype around it. There are comics out there who think they're rock stars. Like, you're not a rock star. I'm sorry to break it to you, and I'm mindful of it. Again, also blessed to have a husband who's very honest and will remind me of the real state of affairs every day.

[Adam Grant]

Zarna, you are such a breath of fresh air. What a privilege and a joy it is to meet you.

[Zarna Garg]

Thank you, Adam. And if you ever. I'm gonna put this out there into the universe. If you ever one day are like, what more could I do with my life? And you wanna take the mcat, I'll take it with you.

[Adam Grant]

That sounds like torture.

[Zarna Garg]

No, it's gonna be so fun. I'll do it with you.

[Adam Grant]

Rethinking is hosted by me, Adam Grant. The show is produced by Ted with Cosmic Standard. Our producer is Jessica Glaser. Our editor is Alejandra Salazar, our engineer is Asia Pilar Simpson, our technical director is Jacob Winick, and our fact checker is Paul Durbin. Our team includes Eliza Smith, Roxanne Hylash, Ban Bang Chang, Julia Dickerson, Tansika Sung Manivong and Whitney Pennington Rogers. Original music by Hans Dale sue and Alison Layton Brown.

[Zarna Garg]

Do you think a single Indian man would ever be married? If dancing well was a criteria, I wouldn't either. No.

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