Reveal: "Being Black in America Almost Killed Me" – Part 1

Podcast: Reveal
Host: Al Letson
Guest: Tremaine Lee
Date: September 3, 2025

Episode Overview

This emotionally charged episode centers around veteran journalist Tremaine Lee’s personal and professional journey as a Black man reporting on Black life, death, and survival in America. The conversation explores how the cumulative weight of covering systemic violence, the personal trauma inherited over generations, and the economic toll of violence on families converge, culminating in Lee’s near-fatal heart attack. Both a reflection on individual mortality and collective trauma, the episode addresses the unique burdens and expectations placed on Black journalists, the struggle to convey empathy in their reporting, and the need for honesty in confronting pain for healing.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Genesis of Tremaine Lee’s Book

• Personal and Professional Roots:
  • Lee traces the origins of his book, A Thousand Ways: The True Cost of Violence on Black Life in America, back to his early journalism career covering a shooting of a hopeful young Black man paralyzed in a robbery gone wrong:
    • “No, the earliest seeds of this book were planted when I was just an intern...Some other guys tried to rob him for his Allen Iverson jersey. They ended up shooting him, and he ended up being paralyzed...But as he's talking, I looked across his bed and I see his mother there...And she started to tell the story of what it would take to get him home.” — Tremaine Lee [03:22]
• The Cost of Violence:
  • Lee was struck by both the human and economic costs of violence—how every injury ripples outward, affecting families and communities financially and emotionally.
  • He originally pitched the idea as “million dollar bullets,” quantifying the literal cost in lives and money, but struggled for years before finding a platform in book form.

The Burden of Humanizing Black Pain

• Reporting with “an Angle”:
  • Both host and guest wrestle with the uncomfortable truth that they often must frame Black pain in ways that provoke public empathy—sometimes by highlighting economic impacts:
    • “It is just so sad to me that we as journalists have to think about angles...maybe you will care more about the economics of this bullet and want to stop this stuff because clearly you don't care about the people that are being impacted.” — Al Letson [05:38]
    • “The gut wrenching exercise of humanizing our people...white society might connect, might have some compassion for the violence that we experience every day, like the literal violence, but also the systemic violence that keeps this whole thing together.” — Tremaine Lee [06:20]

Surviving a Heart Attack: A Turning Point

• The Medical Emergency:
  • At 38, shortly after submitting his manuscript, Lee suffered a heart attack caused by a blockage in his left anterior descending artery—a life-changing event he initially mistook for minor health issues.
    • “In fact, what I was feeling was death. I had a blood clot in my left anterior descending artery that was starving my heart. And that moment changed the book, certainly changed my life, but changed the way I view the violence that I had been writing about.” — Tremaine Lee [08:37]
• New Perspective on Violence:
  • The physical trauma mirrored the psychological death from systemic stress. Lee realized, “what almost killed me was being black in America.” [14:19]
• Impact on Family and Self:
  • Lee reflects on the weight of nearly missing his daughter’s life and how the survival rendered him both more mindful and more free, less encumbered by previous stress:
    • “There is a freedom. In the reshaping of my life and understanding of life and death and the reshaping of the book, there is something, I think clarity is the word. There's a clarity in that man. With the story I was trying to tell in my life.” — Tremaine Lee [13:40]
    • “I haven't experienced stress in the way I understood it before. I ain't worried about nothing now. I'm really, truly not like, what's, what's come on now.” — Tremaine Lee [12:58]

The Invisible Weight: Generational and Professional Trauma

• Systemic Stress and Family History:
  • Lee acknowledges that, despite good health, he bore a “weight on my heart” from a lifetime reporting on violence and a family history of early death—a stressor for which Black Americans pay in intangible and tangible ways.
    • “I was carrying because my 6 year old daughter was asking me tough questions...But there was another weight on my heart that I had never fully engaged with as a journalist...Operating on the edge of death and survival, Black death and survival in particular, and a family history packed with early death and violence.” — Tremaine Lee [10:46], [12:58]
• Honest Conversations About Mortality:
  • The trauma forced Lee to have honest discussions about life and death—not just with his daughter, but with himself.

Unique Challenges for Black Journalists

• Emotional Labor & Expectations:

  • Letson and Lee candidly highlight that Black journalists must often suppress their own trauma to continue working, knowing admissions of vulnerability could shut them out professionally.
    • “You have to just do the job because you talk about that type of stuff. You're not going to get work, you're not going to get the jobs...Because nobody does this type of reporting because they want to. We do it because we're called to do it...” — Al Letson [22:51]
  • They grapple with being seen as biased simply for understanding their communities so well and the burden of “code switching” in white-dominated newsrooms.

• Advocacy and Representation:

  • Lee frames newsrooms as “the plantation,” where Black journalists must tirelessly advocate for the importance of stories that white colleagues may not immediately recognize as newsworthy or important:
    • “Every day we have to walk into the big house...and convince them that what's happening in the back corner of the plantation matters…” — Tremaine Lee [24:35]
    • “No one cares about us. We're still grappling with the Negro problem in this country.” — Tremaine Lee [24:35]

Facing and Healing the Pain

• Parting Reflections:
  • The episode closes with Lee underlining the necessity of confronting “silent, quiet violence from within”—particularly for Black men—in order to live more freely and happily:
    • “Confronting the violence, the silent, quiet violence from within and as men in particular, but in general, finding the strength and courage to face that down and live freely and live happily and find peace. That's why this matters, because it hurts so bad.” — Tremaine Lee [28:11]

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On the True Cost of Violence
  “Every time a bullet hits flesh, we're all paying a price, right? Somehow somebody in a literal dollar amount.” — Tremaine Lee [03:22]

• On Humanizing Black Suffering
  "We have to think of an angle and say to you, well, this bullet economically cost you money, and maybe you will care more about the economics of this bullet and want to stop this stuff because clearly you don't care about the people that are being impacted." — Al Letson [05:38]

• On Mortality and Clarity
  "There is a freedom. In the reshaping of my life and understanding of life and death and the reshaping of the book, there is something, I think clarity is the word. There's a clarity in that man." — Tremaine Lee [13:40]

• On Systemic Burdens
  “Yo, what almost killed me was being black in America. And that changed everything.” — Tremaine Lee [14:19]

• On Reporting Trauma
  “You have to just do the job because you talk about that type of stuff. You're not going to get work, you're not going to get the jobs...Because nobody does this type of reporting because they want to. We do it because we're called to do it...” — Al Letson [22:51]

Important Timestamps

• [02:15] — Introduction to Tremaine Lee and his book’s premise.
• [03:22] — Lee recounts the formative case of the young man paralyzed in a robbery.
• [07:27] — Lee describes the days leading to his heart attack.
• [08:37] — The night of the heart attack; initial medical oversight.
• [10:19-14:13] — Lee reflects on mortality, survival, and newfound clarity post-heart attack.
• [14:19] — "What almost killed me was being black in America."
• [17:11-22:51] — Honest conversation about how to explain death to children, and grappling with generational trauma.
• [22:51-26:28] — Discussion on the unique emotional and professional struggles of Black journalists.
• [28:11] — Focus on healing and the necessity of confronting inner pain.

Tone and Style

• Candid, raw, and personal: Both Letson and Lee speak with vulnerability, blending professional insight with personal anecdotes and emotional truths.
• Reflective and mission-driven: Grounded in their shared purpose as Black journalists, the conversation balances hope, clarity, and a sense of duty, even as it sits with pain.
• Community-oriented: The episode invites listeners into a broader dialogue about healing, advocacy, and the unspoken toll of fighting injustice—within and without.

For Next Week

Part Two promises a deeper exploration into "the silent, quiet violence from within," with a focus on the collective journey of Black men (and people) toward healing and finding peace amidst ongoing systemic adversity.