HERITAGE COLLECTION: "If I'm so f*cking crazy" + TFV

Summary

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Ride with Benito Skinner and Mary Beth Barone

HERITAGE COLLECTION: "If I'm so f*cking crazy" + TFV

Date: February 25, 2026
Hosts: Benito Skinner & Mary Beth Barone
Network: Dear Media

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Overview

This episode kicks off Ride’s “Heritage Collection,” with Benito and Mary Beth diving into the idea of “traditional family values”—but with a twist, as reimagined by their generation and lived realities. The besties riff hilariously on pranking, family dynamics, and the cultural artifacts and micro-moments that shaped their senses of humor. This re-release spotlights their honest, irreverent chemistry as they break down what they ride for (and against) in family, friendship, and modern adulthood—mixing nostalgic references, whimsical anecdotes, and some spicy takes on cultural norms.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Is the “Heritage Collection”? (00:39-01:22)

• The episode is part of a new batch called the Heritage Collection, which features iconic moments and recurring themes from past recordings.
• Notable “heritage” moments include the “lesbian cop at Ride Live Massive,” exploring the question “how many chickens there are in the world,” and Benito having a “boner” over fun podcast topics.
• As Mary Beth says:
  “We’re gonna have fun going through the archives and picking out these episodes for you.” (01:14)
• Both hosts embrace the playful meta-ness of revisiting their own podcast lore.

2. Intros, Dynamic & Phones as Identity (01:27-05:06)

• The duo reintroduces themselves, highlighting their comedy backgrounds and shared bestie energy.
• A charming intro segment on how they save each other's names in their phones—emphasizing the importance (and formal weirdness) of “Christian names.”
  • Benito on MB:
    “You are Mary Beth Barone in my phone, of course. So I shouldn’t be judging.” (03:52)
  • On having no preference for what they’re called:
    “I actually don’t care. And that pisses people off.” (04:47)
• The banter establishes their lived-in rapport, poking fun at being “professional” for the studio while promising to “peel back the layers.”

3. Family Visits & Friendship in Adulthood (06:17–08:15)

• Benito recalls visiting Mary Beth’s family home for the first time, describing the feeling of instant belonging.
• Mary Beth discusses the relief of having a friend who fits seamlessly into her family:
  “It’s such a relief when you bring someone home that really meshes with your family, because then you’re like, oh, I have good taste in people.” (06:52)
• Benito shares stories of less amicable childhood friends and savoring the shift to genuine, quality adult friendships.

4. Cupcakes, Family Rituals, and Parental Styles (08:15–09:11)

• The hosts joke about incompatible family food cultures (Benito brings Magnolia cupcakes to a gluten-free household—only three are eaten!).
• Benito imagines his “dad style”—hovering around in a robe, doling out snacks, being that parent always involved and checking in.

5. What Are “Traditional Family Values” (TFV)? (12:53–17:59)

• Mary Beth reclaims and reframes “traditional family values” as a return “to love, for lack of a better term…let’s take all the things that historically we had some fun with, and let’s bring them back.” (13:12)
• The pair quickly discuss exclusionism within feminism and transphobia, drawing a strong boundary:
  • Mary Beth: “Feminists should be hating men. Feminists should not be hating women…you’re not a feminist to me, and I don’t think you should actually be allowed on the internet.” (13:44)
• Benito recounts receiving a bigoted DM after posting with a trans woman, clapping back with:
  “I’m pretty sure this lovely trans woman is not disrupting womanhood in the way that you probably are by being a bigot.” (14:11)
• TFV, for them, is about inclusion, honesty, and warmth, not outdated dogma.

Pop Culture = TFV?

• MAC Lip Glass, Axe Kilo, Old Spice, polo shirts, Tiffany bracelets, and SNL references are all jokingly folded into “traditional family values.”
• Family banter:
  • Mary Beth: “Someone saying, did you pay extra for the holes in your jeans? That’s traditional family values.” (17:25)

Quotes on TFV

• Benito: “Hearts of gold are traditional family values. Donating to philanthropic organizations is traditional family values. Abolishing the police is also traditional family values.” (16:47–16:59)

6. America’s Funniest Home Videos & The Lighthearted Art of Pranking (19:37–35:31)

• Benito’s “ride” this week is for pranking, with strict boundaries: “Not scaring people, not hurting feelings, just silly little tricks.”
• Fun prank stories:
  • The Bornt Identity: Benito convinces family members that the movie is called “The Bornt Identity,” even faking a DVD cover. The prank’s joy is all about sowing (brief) confusion and laughter.
  • The Door Surprise: Benito rings the doorbell, runs around the house, and is the one at the door for his boyfriend Terri, escalating the bit to hilarious escalation (and eventual mild annoyance).
    • Benito: “If I’m so fucking crazy, then leave.” (Repeated as a callback bit—26:22, 27:18)
• Mary Beth shares prank preferences and her time on the Punk’d reboot, but admits:
  “If you’re gonna prank anyone, I would rather prank celebrities. And I would rather have it be really harmless things.” (29:18)
  • Example: Falsely “liking” an Instagram post, only to say “just kidding,” creating an instant emotional rollercoaster then relief.
• Both hosts agree: pranks should never be traumatic or cruel, only a vehicle for “silly joy.”

Pranking Principles

• Benito: “I think scaring people is fucked up.” (23:04)
• Mary Beth: “Pranking kids in a way that actually could cause emotional trauma—not funny.” (23:10)
• Mary Beth: “I think couples that don’t have good communication should probably not prank each other.” (34:52)

7. Redefining TFV: Loving, Modern, Queer, Layered (32:49–34:47)

• Discussion about redefining “family values” for their generation; the hosts see themselves at “the cool table” of loving, affirming, inclusive families.
  • Benito: “It’s a new era.” (33:16)
  • Mary Beth: “So we’re redefining traditional family values.” (33:18)
• Culturally elastic moments—whether penny loafers or modern queer relationships—can now be part of TFV.
• The concept extends to marriage, partnership, communication, and simply “having good taste in people.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mary Beth: “Being honest like that, honest reactions is traditional family values.” (28:25)
• Benito (on family and pranks): “If a prank isn’t silly, it’s not a good prank.” (25:48)
• Mary Beth: “I want to make trouble and I want to make odd. And that’s Ride.” (35:23)
• Benito: “If you think I’m annoying, it’s because you’re homophobic.” (35:42)
• Mary Beth: “And if you think I’m annoying, maybe you just hate women.” (35:46)

(See above for more timestamps embedded throughout.)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:39 – Heritage Collection explained
• 02:14 – New podcast, introductions
• 06:32 – Benito visits Mary Beth’s family
• 08:15 – Cupcakes and food culture clash
• 12:53 – Introduction to “traditional family values” (TFV)
• 13:44 – TERFs and inclusion/exclusion in TFV
• 16:47 – What counts as TFV in pop-culture (“hearts of gold,” abolishing the police, Tiffany bracelets, etc.)
• 19:37 – America’s Funniest Home Videos segue to pranking
• 23:04 – Pranking boundaries (“I think scaring people is fucked up”)
• 25:03–27:36 – Benito’s “Bornt Identity” and doorbell prank stories
• 29:18–32:03 – Mary Beth discusses Punk’d; harmless, silly pranking vs. trauma
• 32:49–34:47 – Redefining “traditional family values” for their community

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode is buoyant, irreverent, and cheekily self-aware: full of fast banter, running bits, pop-cultural inside jokes, and moments of genuine sincerity about inclusion, chosen family, and the joys of adulthood friendship. Benito and Mary Beth succeed in both poking fun at and humanizing “traditional family values,” making the term their own while advocating for harmless fun, honest relationships, and acceptance. Their comedic rapport is the true “heritage”—an open invitation to listeners to rewrite the rules with them.

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RIDE REDEFINED:
Family values = love + joy + inclusion + a little bit of prankster chaos.
“Variety is the spice of life.” (04:30) – Mary Beth Barone

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Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

[B]

Hey, can you come pick me up?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What's wrong?

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

Are you sure?

[C]

Yeah, no, I just need a ride. Ride.

[A]

Ride. Oh my God. I just want to have fun.

[B]

Start your engines.

[A]

Take care. I'm Benito Skinner.

[B]

I'm Mary Beth Barone and this is Ride. Hello and welcome to the Ride Heritage Collection.

[A]

The Heritage Collection.

[B]

This is something new we're trying where we are going to release iconic heritage episodes of the podcast in no particular order, and we're going to retitle them so you know exactly which iconic moment to expect. Moments that come to mind. The lesbian cop at Ride Live Massive. We're talking about Amya Sista.

[A]

I was there. It was rare.

[B]

It was rare. NDA and of course, how many chickens there are in the world.

[A]

Ah, I just got a boner. Oh my God. Wait. Mary Beth just cut her finger and is bleeding.

[B]

I guess we have to go enjoy this episode. We hope it's a tasty treat for you. We're gonna have fun going through the archives and picking out these episodes for you.

[A]

Think about what we're doing right now. We do exist in the world. Isn't that trippy to think about? Let's go on the journey for the Ride Heritage Collection. How do these things stay in the air? Mary Beth Lynn, Richard Isaacson Barone.

[B]

Benito Gardner Skinner.

[A]

We did it, babe.

[B]

We're here.

[A]

We're back.

[B]

Feels good. It feels right.

[A]

Super quick. We got to that right away.

[B]

Yep. It's almost like no time has passed. Except for one.

[A]

They really tried to keep two besties off air, huh?

[C]

They did.

[A]

Nice try.

[B]

But the besties grabbed back.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

And we're here at the Dear Media Studios Fighter for our very first episode of our brand new podcast called Ride.

[A]

It's perfect. Sorry, I mean, it's just perfect.

[B]

It is perfect. So you're Benito Skinner.

[A]

I'm Benito Skinner. Comedian, actor, writer, maybe director. Who knows what's in my future?

[B]

We don't know. We can't predict. Expect the unexpected.

[A]

And who the hell are you?

[B]

I'm Mary Beth Barone. I'm a comedian, writer, Sometimes an actor again, could direct, could produce, we don't really know.

[A]

And a best friend. You forgot to mention.

[B]

And a best friend, of course. I am a daughter. I'm a sister.

[A]

Wait, I'm sorry.

[B]

I'm a cousin.

[A]

I'm in pilot mode. You know what I mean? I'm ready to record the pilot of this thing.

[B]

I feel like we're being professional so that we can lure them in. And then we'll peel back the layers and show them who we really are.

[A]

Exactly. I feel like you maybe have seen our work. My work is. A lot of. It's on the Internet. I mean, I am Queer as folks. Benny Drama.

[B]

Of course. And that is I. I have. You saved my phone as that Queer as Folks apostrophe s. Benny Drama.

[A]

And we're one minute into the new pod, and Terence o', Connor, our. Our loving horse girl. I will talk about him a lot. Love is love. Love wins. And it definitely wins on this podcast.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

He has me saved in his phone as actually Benito Skinner, which feels so formal.

[B]

You want to know something crazy?

[A]

Am I Benito Skinner in your phone?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I am literally surrounded by psychopaths.

[B]

Look, you want to know why we're from the Northeast and we just respect, like, your Christian name, which is Benito Skinner.

[A]

No, I'm like, am I. Am I a claimant?

[B]

Like, names are so important. And I think it's like, Benny is part of you, but it's not. The. The real you is Benito.

[A]

We. We did meet formally. You are Mary Beth Barone in my phone, of course. So I shouldn't be judging.

[B]

It just feels like I know you didn't save it as two words at first. It's Mary and then a space, and then capital B, E, T, H. You

[A]

want to know something about me, what I did.

[B]

No, you didn't.

[A]

English major.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And I'm doing the most with it.

[B]

Yeah, you're saving names correctly on phone. Well, what do you think of yourself as? Cause I think of myself as a Mary Beth, but people call me mb. MB Some people call me Mary. You know, it's just. It's like I'll respond to pretty much anything.

[A]

I just say Mary Beth.

[B]

I call you Ben, Benny, or Bonito.

[A]

Yeah, it's a mix. Oh, my God.

[B]

And that's okay. Variety is the spice of life.

[A]

I'm literally almost burping. I had a chia pudding before this. And, like, the seeds are everywhere. They're, like, all over my mouth.

[B]

But they're not in your teeth because I'm looking directly.

[A]

Okay, good. They're definitely in my molars, which I need a root canal.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

I know. It's gonna be a crazy year.

[B]

Wait, what name do you prefer to be called?

[A]

I actually don't care. And that pisses people off.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

I'm like. Sorry, I. I actually don't care.

[B]

It's your choice.

[A]

Yeah, and don't be mad at me. Like, I also understand how that can Be annoying, but, like, don't make me feel bad.

[B]

No, it's up to you, the reader.

[A]

I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.

[B]

I'm telling you my name. Whatever you want to do with the material. That's up to you.

[A]

Exactly. Play with it. Have fun.

[B]

One time when I worked at a company, which is something a lot of people don't know about me, is I've worked at several companies, and I wish they would. I wish they would. And I'm going to tell them now. They were considering hiring on my team, this woman named mb. And, like, we had a big joke. Like, the CEO came over to me and was like, oh, what if we hire an mb? Like, you won't be the only one anymore. And then I, like, was, like, performatively having a tantrum about it, but in a fun way that everyone was a part of. And then when.

[A]

Those are so fun.

[B]

Yeah. And then when my review came up, I didn't get promoted. And my boss, who I ended up quitting essentially because she was so nasty to me, was like, well, you made a really big stink and acted really immaturely when we were gonna hire another mb. And I'm like, okay, do you think the CEO acted immaturely? Because he was the one that brought it up to me. It was like a joke. It was for fun. Is that illegal?

[A]

Some people in offices, I'm just like, get fucked.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh. And I did want to say one thing. When I announced to my family that we were doing a new podcast, my dad's first question, he said, can you say fuck?

[A]

He sent that message and set it down on the table next to him. And then he was just figuring out how to record what he was watching. That brings me to a really fun topic that we're talking about. We want to be more intimate in this podcast. We're going to tell you more about us.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Marshall, our producer, said, you guys, like, let us know who you are. Say hi to Marshall, by the way.

[B]

Hi, Marshall.

[A]

Hi, Marshall. Hi, love. This past weekend, it was the first time I had been to your house, which is crazy.

[B]

It is crazy.

[A]

It was so crazy. But I was just right at home. It was family. It was family.

[B]

You know what I loved about your visit? And I don't know if you've experienced this, I loved a lot of things about it, but sometimes you bring friends home and you can't leave them in a room alone with your family because you just don't know what's going to transpire. And then there's Some people you bring home and you feel like you could leave for the day and leave them there and they would be totally fine. And you were definitely. You fell into the ladder. It's just such like a relief when you bring someone home that really meshes with your family because then you're like, oh, like, I have good taste in people.

[A]

Oh, totally.

[B]

You're like, like, yeah, I did that.

[A]

Yeah. Like my impact.

[B]

My impact, exactly.

[A]

It's so funny. I had like a bunch of straight friends in middle school and they were all just so deeply rude. Like one of them on the way to a baseball game, he came to my house, took a dump and left. And I just, it was like, yeah. So it's just crazy to me. Like, now I bring home like quality people, but for years I just was kind of like, oh, yeah, friends, like, are awful.

[B]

This isn't really. They're not fit to be around my family.

[A]

No. So I just like watch SNL with my parents on Saturday nights and like, not really hang out with people.

[B]

That's tough.

[C]

Which is really fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, it's fun to watch SNL with your parents, don't get me wrong. But it's tough to not have friends that you can have around.

[A]

Something did not feel wrong. Everything felt right.

[B]

It was so nice to have you. And my mom was so happy. And I mean, my whole family was. But my mom's always asking me, when's Benny gonna come by?

[A]

I brought cupcakes. No one ate them.

[B]

That's not true.

[A]

Like three people ate them. It's a gluten free household.

[B]

It was tough because it was gluten free. And then my mom made a red velvet cake.

[A]

I know, she.

[B]

And brownies.

[A]

I pull out these magnolia cupcakes. I'm thinking, hello, son of the year, son of the year over here, Heart of gold. And your mom whips out a homemade red velvet cake. That's just fabulous. That is gonna segue perfectly into your ride. But I'm just gonna give them a little roadmap, if you will.

[B]

Yes, hello.

[A]

Ding, ding.

[B]

Hell yeah. Some direction, Marshall.

[A]

Give me a little rev engine right there. Let's go, baby. O wait, I can't stop talking like a mom who's like, woo. You know what I mean? Let's go, baby. And then kind of ooh, like, that's my new thing. Like, and I realized Terry was working on a project. He like, fully was like, shooting something at our house. And I came downstairs and I realized who I'm gonna be as a parent. I'm gonna be that one that's like, what are you guys doing? Like, I kept checking in. I would, like, I gave people things. I like, ordered people food, like strangers. It was heaven. I know exactly who I'm gonna be as a dad. Like, I had a little robe on and I was like, what are we doing down here? And Terry's like, working. Like, I'm on the clock. So I'm gonna ride for pranking and it's gonna tie into family. And just like, you're gonna know that I'm not talking about, like, scary pranking, just to be clear. But I ride for pranking and I

[B]

ride for traditional family values.

[A]

And I got to experience true traditional family values firsthand.

[C]

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[A]

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[B]

It does. And I'm talking, of course about senorita THC margaritas, which are available in four delicious flavors. They're non alcoholic, fast on set, and crafted by winemakers with real juice, organic agave and low calories. Now shipping direct to your door.

[A]

That's how Duddy drinks her senorita.

[B]

Oh yeah. She gurgles it.

[A]

Crafted by winemakers with real juice, organic agave and a touch of pink salt. Did you just say that?

[B]

You're echoing what I had said. No alcohol, no hangover. Just a smooth, fast acting bug that tastes like vacation for my cousins at Thanksgiving.

[A]

Oh my God. They kept saying it tastes like vacation. And we said, we're celebrities. Every day is a vacation with us. I love. My favorite personally is a grapefruit paloma.

[B]

I really love that one. I also love the mango margarita. I mean, I can't pick.

[C]

It's like choosing a favorite child, for goodness's sake.

[A]

No, seriously, Ranch water is fun. I've only had it once though, so I can't like the other ones. I'm like, I'm reaching for more. I'll say it.

[B]

If you're looking for alcohol alternatives, senorita is a great option because it's non alcoholic, low calories. It still gives you a chill buzz without ruining tomorrow. I love that I can bring senorita to a party or hang and everyone can find their place. Better buzz without the booze. You do it. Take it away.

[A]

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[B]

Wait, where are we going?

[A]

Who cares? Ride.

[B]

So traditional family values. I think maybe people hear that and their mind goes to a certain place. But I'm actually talking about modern traditional family values as defined by me and my collaborators.

[A]

ABC's Modern Family yeah.

[B]

So traditional family values to me just means, like, a return to.

[A]

A return to love.

[B]

A return. Yes. In. For lack of a better term, return to love. And just, like, let's take all the things that historically we had some fun with, and let's bring them back.

[A]

I wish I was still in the closet. It'd be so funny. No, I don't. But it's just like, could you imagine?

[B]

No, I actually can't.

[A]

I do exactly what I do. Like, everything. But.

[B]

But you have a girlfriend.

[A]

This is my girlfriend.

[B]

You're dating a tiny blonde woman.

[A]

This is Beatrice.

[C]

That's so scary.

[A]

Isn't that so scary?

[B]

Love in the home. Be who you are.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

Everyone should be having a good time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I also think that traditional family values means that there's no place for TERFs in the spectrum of traditional family values. I'm sorry. Feminists should be hating men. Feminists should not be hating women. You're not a feminist to me, and I don't even think you should actually be allowed on the Internet.

[A]

It was so crazy. I. I posted a photo with a trans woman, and the DM I got was like, I can't believe, like, you're, you know, with someone who's, like, making a mockery out of womanhood. And I'm like, that's so interesting because, like, you suck the balls of a man named Kyle. Like, womanhood's down bad, babe. Like, we're all not okay, but, like, I'm pretty sure this, like, lovely trans woman is not disrupting womanhood in the way that you probably are. By being a bigot.

[B]

Yeah, by being a bigot. By being hateful, misinformed, ignorant, all those things.

[A]

Oh, I like ride. Yeah. Spicy up in here.

[B]

We're talking about politics.

[A]

Me as mom. What's going on? You guys talking politics?

[B]

I also think traditional family values. So it's big ideas, but then it also goes. It can channel down to smaller things. Like Mac lip glass. Is traditional family values.

[A]

Exactly. I mean, the stickiness.

[B]

How. How after a while, you actually can't open it because it gets sealed shut.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's traditional family values.

[A]

Axe, kilo, deodorant. Traditional family values.

[B]

Traditional family values. And I've actually been using. I've been using Old Spice, which I think also falls in traditional family values.

[A]

I have a funny story about Old Spice. It, like, you know those things that just stick with you. So this is so. I had this football coach that is. Was so fucking range. We can say fuck. You can say fuck. At one point, I was Just talking to him. And I wasn't getting thrown to a lot. I was wide receiver. Play the taika button. Taika button. One day he tells me, you know, I would probably throw to you more if you had swagger. I got in the car. I got. I literally got in the car with my parents. And I. For some reason this night, like, both my parents, like, picked me up. Like, my dad had picked my mom up from. My mom is a PE teacher. Hi, Patty. She doesn't listen. She has no idea how to access this, but, like, love you, girl. And they're both in the car. And I remember I got in and I was just like, well, yeah, I talked to talk to coach about why he's not throwing at me. And they were like, wait, why is

[C]

your coach throwing to you? He's not on the team.

[A]

Cause coaches call the plays. Oh.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Isn't that crazy? I know that. It's like, get it out of my brain. Like, I have so many more things to, like, learn.

[B]

You knowing that is not traditional family values.

[A]

It's disgusting. You need to rid.

[B]

You need to unlearn that.

[A]

But me not having swagger is traditional family values. Swagger has no place in the home. So I literally, I tell my parents, like, he's not, like, calling any plays that would pass to me because he said, I don't have any swagger. And my mom and dad could not stop laughing so hard. And for that Christmas, they got me this full Old Spice kit of the body wash that said swagger. And to this day, I'm kind of like, I have no swagger. Which.

[B]

But that's okay. You shouldn't.

[A]

No, I don't need it.

[C]

You don't need it?

[A]

No.

[B]

You absolutely don't need it.

[A]

I have a heart of gold. What's better than that?

[B]

Hearts of gold are traditional family values. Donating to philanthropic organizations is traditional family values.

[A]

I absolutely love that.

[B]

Abolishing the police is also traditional family values.

[A]

Yeah. If you think about it long enough,

[B]

if you think about it long enough, that's huge. Tiffany bracelets are traditional family values. Polo shirts are traditional family values.

[A]

Check the nips. Can you see the nips on camera?

[B]

You know what I love?

[A]

I love it. I feel so chesty. Being chesty. Traditional family values. But your mom walking down the stairs, but you're wearing a low cut top. Your sister's wearing a low cut top. And your mom being like, kind of a low cut top. Traditional family values, but not good ones. They can be good and bad just like anything.

[B]

Definitely also Someone saying, did you pay extra for the holes in your jeans? That's traditional family values.

[A]

An uncle saying that. Anyone asking us, are you going to be on snl?

[B]

Traditional family values. So you see, it's podcast.

[A]

Done. We hope you like ride.

[B]

Join us next week for more hot takes. Yeah, it's so fun to figure out what is and what isn't. Cousins in general. And that will be something I ride for in the future as. As, you know.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

Tough love is definitely a traditional family value.

[A]

What? You just make me laugh. Wait, I have shoes on the couch. That's not traditional family values. Take your shoes off.

[B]

You know what else is, too? And a lot of people don't understand this. Closing the door when you walk into a house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I will quote people of generations past. Were you raised in a barn?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You better close the damn door.

[A]

You know that scene in Prancer? Did you ever watch Prancer? It's a Christmas movie that's just really dark. You know how some kid movies used to just be like, Krampus. Exactly. Just like Krampus.

[B]

Krampus is not traditional family values, but it is folklore. It is.

[A]

So in Prancer, there's this scene, essentially the reindeer, the iconic reindeer Prancer. He comes alive.

[B]

As a human?

[A]

No, as a reindeer. Like, he's. There's like a fake reindeer in the sky, and then it vanishes. And this girl who's, like, going through it, all of a sudden, Prancer, the real Prancer, not like a little plastic version of him that was at, you know, like, the town fair, shows up in her barn, but at one point, her brother in it is eating like an animal, I guess. And the dad is really hard on the kids. Like, he's so scary. And he goes, you going like that, you can go eat in a barn. And I. I have said that once a week since.

[B]

That reminds me of a line from Men in Black, which is, your skin's hanging off your bones. Remember when in Men in Black, the one guy gets, like, invaded by the aliens.

[A]

Yeah. It's been a while.

[B]

And then he's just going to drink sugar water.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also, there's a lot of quotes from the OC that are, like, imprinted on my brain.

[A]

Totally. When Charli XCX said, welcome to my island, bitch, she was, I think, in her own way, referencing perception, reality. That guy Luke saying, welcome to the O.C.

[B]

welcome to the O.C. bitch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

America's Funniest Home Videos is traditional family values, which I think does segue pretty deliciously into my ride this week, which is for pranking.

[C]

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[A]

Okay, so just as a caveat, before I talk about pranking, I'm not talking about scaring someone and then they, like, run out in the street and get hit by a car or like, scaring someone to death. Like, that's not the vibe here. I think scaring people is fucked up.

[B]

I agree. Also, I think pranking kids in a way that actually could cause, like, emotional trauma.

[A]

Not funny.

[B]

Like when they take kids candy and

[A]

they're like, sobbing, I'm like. And putting them on camera, I'm like, what?

[B]

That's not traditional family values. You know what traditional family values? Letting kids eat their Halloween candy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let them have that night without being scarred for life.

[A]

We forget that kids have to go to school. Yeah.

[B]

They're going through a lot.

[A]

Hell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Talk about hell. So it's not that kind of pranking. I'm not, like, scaring the shit out of my wife Beatrice, you know, like, that's not what I'm here for. I'm talking about just little tiny pranks.

[B]

I cannot wait to share with you this prank that I thought of recently.

[A]

Oh, my God, I'm so excited. They're so fun. So I'm trying to think of, like, good pranks I've done recently and just kind of give you some.

[B]

Just to clarify, Bourne Identity.

[A]

So Born Identity was huge. So speaking of traditional family values, I was at Terry's for Thanksgiving and I'm watching movies with its entire family in the family room. I mean, give me a break.

[B]

A family room. I just got to see you know we have a family room.

[A]

Of course. Where else is the family supposed to all get together and talk? All get together and watch the boob tube. So I'm sitting with Terry's sister, and I'm like, oh, my God.

[C]

Name her.

[A]

Give her a name. Hi, Claire. Claire probably does listen. Hi, sweetie. So I'm with Claire, and we're about to watch what is known as, you know, the Bourne series.

[B]

The Bourne Franchise.

[A]

Yeah, the Bourne Franchise. Cause there was a fourth. No one knows that. So we're about to watch the Bourne Identity, and I just. Something pops up in my head, and I'm like, yeah, let's watch the Born Identity. And Terry's sister's like, what? And I'm like, yeah, the Born Identity. And she's like, the bornt. I thought I was born. And I was like, no, it's the Bornt Identity. And then I go. And I, like, immediately went to the bathroom. I remade the COVID on my phone. I did it quick. It wasn't great, but it was enough.

[B]

It was passable.

[A]

It was enough to make her think for at least another couple minutes that it was the Bornt ident. And all I needed was just an audio cue. I needed her to tell someone else. That's when I know. I've. That you've convinced Inception has worked. God, we got to talk about it.

[B]

That's so crazy that you just said that, because that was exactly what I was thinking.

[A]

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. You see this? We got chemistry girl, which is crazy.

[B]

This is the first time we've ever met.

[A]

She then is like, yeah, let's watch the Bourn Identity. And then you say, john. The other brother's like, the what? The Bournt Identity. But it just. It brought me so much joy. And that's what pranks should do.

[B]

They should be silly.

[A]

And then I told her, and she just laughed. She's like, I knew that wasn't it. What the. Like, why did I believe you?

[B]

If a prank isn't silly, it's not a good prank.

[A]

Are you ready for my favorite one, though? Mm. So lately I've been doing this thing where if Terry is in our bedroom, like, working on something or editing something, first I'll knock or I'll ring the doorbell. And then I'll say, terri, someone's at the door for you. And then I'll run around the back and just be right at the.

[B]

Right at the door. That's incredible.

[A]

And he will walk downstairs and come to the door, open it, and he Sees me and I go, surprise.

[C]

He. You are an evil genius.

[A]

The first time he laughed. He laughed so hard. Second time, which I did the. Like, a little too close. I will say pranking. Like, keep it to a bare minimum, you know, like, don't do it every day. I got greedy. So then I did it again, and this time he was like. I was so. Like, I was in the middle of something. This is actually fucked up. And he closed the door on me. And I was just, like, standing out there post prank PP with your tail between your legs. Literally, like, damn it. And then he was like, you're so crazy. Like, you're fucking crazy. And then, thus the new era that I started doing where I'd walk into rooms and go, if I'm so fucking crazy, then leave. So then I do it again, one last time, and I have. I have our friend.

[B]

The rule of three. Yeah.

[A]

Rule of three, honey. I'm a comedian first. So I tell a friend, like, okay, I'm gonna knock. Tell Terri someone's at the door. Like, there's a package he has to sign for.

[B]

You did not. You did not implicate someone else.

[A]

I brought friends into this. So she yells. She's like, terry, you have to sign for something at the door. When he gets out, I'm standing there like this, two middle fingers up, and I go, I'm so fucking craz. Then leave. And then I ran away. It was.

[B]

I'm actually gonna piss myself.

[A]

He was so. And in that moment, he was done.

[C]

He was done.

[A]

We haven't talked, we haven't spoken since. We still live together. No, we still live together. Yeah. Are you kidding?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

We couldn't find a new place to live. That'd be hell in la. Good luck. So, yeah.

[C]

So crazy right now.

[A]

Okay, my last little prank. Whenever someone tells me something new, they've bought, like, a new clothing item. I pitch them an outfit that's deranged. Like, so they'll be like, I got this new blazer. And I'm like, that's so amazing. You should wear it with, like, fishnet, like, high. Like, just little, like, thigh highs. Yeah, thigh highs. And like a bustier and then just like. Like flip flops or like a kitten heel. That's, like, so cute. And every time, they're just like, oh,

[B]

have people ever been like, oh, yeah,

[C]

that sounds like that's, like, cute.

[A]

My sister was like, but I wouldn't wear that.

[B]

Wait, I love that. Being honest like that. Honest reactions is traditional family values.

[A]

So. Traditional family values.

[B]

Your s Just being like, no, no, I would never.

[A]

What the fuck are you. She's like, are you okay? But. Okay, so I've told you my favorite pranks. I want to hear if you've got any in the can. And I also would love. I. This is not. When we ask for, like, messages and stuff. I. I'm not being like, just tell. Like, send us like, shit. I. And not caring.

[B]

You know, we do care.

[A]

I really want to see it. Like, I would love if you've got pranks going. Like, I want to hear them, but

[B]

don't send us messed up ones.

[A]

No, don't.

[B]

That's going to upset me.

[A]

Don't scare people. I really like. I will just say this. The world is so scary right now. I don't think, like, actually scaring people.

[B]

We need more joy. Not the opposite.

[A]

Not straight guys. Pranks where they're, like, jumping out at you or they're like, in the back of the car with, like, a mask on. Yeah, no, that's not a prank.

[B]

That's just trauma.

[A]

That's trauma.

[B]

You know, I am a very experienced pranker because I was on the Punk'd reboot hosted by Chance the Rapper. I was in a few episodes.

[A]

It's on Roku Sweat.

[B]

I think it is available on Roku Sweb Sweat. I didn't, you know, I don't come from, like, a fan family of pranksters. It's definitely not, like, in our lineage. But I felt like, if you're gonna prank anyone, I would rather prank celebrities. And I would rather have it be really harmless things. Like, I think there were some things that happened on the first, like, the first installment of Punks that I didn't agree with. Like when they, like, broke Justin Timberlake's guitar and stuff.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Some things I wasn't on board with.

[A]

The Beyonce one is so where she puts the star on the Christmas tree and it falls and all the kids are screaming.

[B]

Well, Zach Brass, like, punched a kid. Oh, my God, he punched a kid when he got Punked. So there's definitely some that I don't agree with.

[A]

Or there was like a DUI one also with like, maybe Kristen Dunst or something. I was like, this is.

[B]

It was different. It was the American Idol era, which we'll talk about in the future. Yeah, at length. But so the. The punked pranks that I was involved in were all pretty harmless, but I definitely felt like I'm not. I wasn't really being true to myself because I'm just not a prankster. I don't have that gene.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now I do like to have a little fun with people. So this prank that I did to Edward, we were looking through some like, old press that he had done, like magazines that he had at his parents house. Traditional family values.

[A]

Anything better than press? The great American media. That's traditional family values.

[B]

And if you think that's the great American media, it's even great British.

[A]

Oh, God. Yeah, it's. It's Brits.

[B]

They really take it seriously.

[A]

God, I love the English.

[B]

Me too. So we were looking through like flipping through magazines and I was like, oh, who? I'm always convinced that everyone that interviews interviews him, like wants to have sex with him.

[A]

Which they probably do.

[B]

I mean, I mean, I'm not gonna say it.

[A]

What do you think they do?

[B]

It's confirmed. Thank you so much.

[A]

Thank you, love.

[B]

So I was reading this interview that he had done and I was like, oh, I want to see like who it was that interviewed you. So he pulled up her Instagram and I was looking at it and I was scrolling and I go, oh my God. I just liked a picture. Just kidding.

[A]

Wait, I love that you do. Just kidding right after.

[B]

Because here's the thing. Here's what I love about that prank.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You get them at their lowest point and then you bring them right back up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How relieved are you?

[A]

That's so cool that that didn't happen. That's. It's kind of Schrodinger's cat. Which you're gonna talk about in a future.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. So I think that it's fun to have pranks like that that are like, totally harmless. They're resolved within seconds. It's kind of like Maya in selling Sunset where she'll, she'll tell a joke and then immediately say, just kidding.

[A]

Just kidding.

[B]

Just kidding.

[A]

Yeah. And some of them are like, so fucking mean.

[B]

Yeah. And it's just like, just getting. And then it's like, okay, well, I guess. Yeah, I won't, I won't take that at face value.

[A]

Yeah, but you just read me to filth. But okay.

[B]

That's the level of pranking that I'm comfortable with.

[A]

What did you say? You go and give it to Maddie died. Just kidding.

[B]

They're like giving the listing to Mary.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also Silent of the Lamb.

[A]

No, that's like. What's going to be the name of the spot?

[B]

Silent of the Lamb.

[C]

We love you.

[B]

If you're listening, we love you.

[A]

I love her so much. I would love to have her on. Although I will just say this. I wouldn't anticipate a lot of guests. Like, it's. This is about.

[B]

We're not really. We do guests once in a blue

[A]

moon, and we'll have specials.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the people we have for those specials are going to be iconic. But I just don't. Yeah. I'm like, come on, you're with us. It's like going to dinner. Would you rather just go to dinner with us? Right. Come on.

[B]

I mean, a big group, it just gets kind of crazy, and then you have to split the bill, and it's like a whole thing.

[A]

Oh, we can't even talk about that.

[B]

Should we get into ride or die?

[A]

Of course. You know what? You are, Marybeth.

[C]

Bisexual.

[A]

Well, yeah, but you're also my ride or die. Ride or die. I ride so hard for traditional family values in the new scope of family values. Like, I will just say this. I was at a table with your whole family, and it was just like, gay and love, and people were asking, like, how's your boyfriend? It just felt like I was like, this is the cool table. You know what I mean? It's a new era. Like, it's.

[B]

So we're redefining traditional family values.

[A]

Yeah. But then still, like, we can reference the classics, and I think that that's so cool. And we're definitely gonna do this, do that on this new pod. But I'm now thinking about more things that are traditional family values. Penny loafers.

[B]

Totally. As we go through what we ride for, we can get into is it traditional family values? Is it not? And that's what's fun. It's like an extra layer. We're really like, we're investigating this cultural phenomenon.

[A]

I just realized something so explosive.

[B]

What?

[A]

Taika is the new traditional family values.

[B]

Yeah. But they don't know what that is yet. So listen to the bonus episode today.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And you'll learn what tyka is. And it's all going to make sense. It's going to come full circle.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Wait. Taika Waititi is traditional family values in the new sense.

[B]

Which actually brings me to something that I didn't mention, but something Terri said that I thought was very wise, is that people our age just need to, like, start getting engaged and getting married. And it's like, we. I mean, whatever. No pressure if that's not the lifestyle that you want, but if you don't

[A]

want it, it's okay.

[B]

But that, to me, is. Is one thing from the old era of traditional family values that we can sort of pull into the now, which is like, the more people like us that get married and have families, the more supportive parents there are in the world, the more loving homes there are. It's like, we're only going to pass those great things on to other people. Taika and Rita getting married is traditional family values.

[A]

That's traditional family values to me. Also, Traditional family values is like, stop dating people for 12 years. And. And. And not if you want to get married. Not proposing, like, let's go. I'm just a little bit like, come on.

[B]

Like, life is short. Life is short. Life is long. It can be both.

[A]

Unless you're Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. You don't have to.

[B]

No one has to do what they don't want to do. But I think you should have good communication with your partner and with that. I think couples that don't have good communication should probably not prank each other. I think that's only gonna add to the tension.

[A]

God, I love how you can just

[B]

tie something, because I do feel that if you have a really good relationship, you can withstand a little pranking, a little harmless prank here and there. And I obviously ride for pranking in the sense that we're talking about. And I think what's interesting about what we both brought to the pod today is that we're redefining things. We're making them work for us and our families rewrite the rules.

[A]

What did Cruella once say? I want to make trouble and I want to make odd.

[B]

And that's ride.

[A]

That's ride. What do you guys think? Give us a review. Give us five stars. If you say that either of our voices are annoying, we'll find you.

[B]

We will. And also, you shouldn't say that.

[A]

Yeah, it's like, if you think I'm annoying, it's because you're homophobic.

[B]

And if you think I'm annoying, maybe you just hate women.

[A]

Thanks for watching. Ride. We love you so much. Yeah.

[B]

Thanks for watching.

[A]

Bye. It's watching. Sorry. You can, like, picture us. Oh, my.

[B]

Exit. Benny, babe. Ice in the road.

[A]

Benny, look out.

[B]

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.