Ridiculous History – CLASSIC: How Far Did Isaac Newton Go to Hunt Down Forgers?

Podcast: Ridiculous History (iHeartPodcasts)
Episode Date: January 24, 2026
Hosts: Ben Bowlin & Noel Brown
Episode Theme: The curious case of Isaac Newton’s war on currency forgers and his epic rivalry with the master counterfeiter William Chaloner.

Episode Overview

This episode dives into an often-overlooked chapter in the life of Sir Isaac Newton—not his scientific achievements, but his relentless and at times ruthless tenure as Warden of the Royal Mint. Ben and Noel explore how Newton transformed from the “king of gravity” to something of a 17th-century detective, obsessively pursuing criminals in the shadowy underworld of counterfeiting. The central story is Newton’s ‘Holmes versus Moriarty’ battle of wits with William Chaloner, England’s most notorious counterfeiter.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Isaac Newton: From Scientist to Sleuth

• While most know Newton for gravity and mathematics, few realize his role as the Warden of the Royal Mint (03:29), a position he took exceedingly seriously:

  “Unlike some royal positions, this was not ceremonial. He took the job of bird dogging forgers seriously. He was getting kind of Sherlock Holmesian about it.” — Ben [00:42]

• Newton transformed his scientific rigor into meticulous investigative methods to combat rampant counterfeiting in England, particularly during the 1690s currency crisis (06:11).

2. The Counterfeiting Crisis of the Era

• In 1695, England’s economy was under assault due to up to 20% of coins being counterfeit—a staggering figure discovered by Newton himself (08:38).
• Chaloner emerges as a criminal mastermind, evading law enforcement thanks to the evolving methods of counterfeiting and the slow pace of legislative adaptation (15:12).

  “That technology will typically outpace legislation. We’re running into it in 2019, we’ll be running into it in the year 3000. Totally 1690s, no different…” — Ben [14:22]

3. Who Was William Chaloner?

• “A villainous Renaissance man” (09:38): Born to a poor family, Chaloner graduates from forging coins as an apprentice nail-maker to producing fake lottery tickets, banknotes, and even sexual aids, which the hosts discuss with their signature irreverence and banter (10:45–11:22).
• His operations involved a network of middlemen, many of whom paid with their lives when caught (13:41). Chaloner’s criminal prowess garners comparisons to Sherlock’s Moriarty—Newton’s “white whale” (13:55).

4. The Cat-and-Mouse Game

• Newton worked obsessively to bring Chaloner to justice, facing setbacks when Chaloner repeatedly escaped the law, either by bribery or by betraying fellow forgers (15:59).
• After being publicly maligned by Chaloner in Parliament, Newton’s pursuit turned personal. He embraced "dirty pool" tactics—bribing crooks, threatening mistresses, intimidating witnesses—described as “the Dirty Harry of his time” (17:57).

  “Newton became the Dirty Harry of his time.” — Ben [17:57] “He could pro beat somebody with a dildo and it wouldn’t leave a mark.” — Noel [20:08]

5. Chaloner’s Downfall: Trial and Execution

• Newton spends two years gathering enough evidence; using ethically questionable means, he finally brings Chaloner to trial (19:05).
• In March 1699, Chaloner is found guilty of high treason and sentenced to hang. In desperation, he pens increasingly pitiful and desperate letters to Newton, seeking clemency (21:22).

  “Your near murdered humble servant, W. Chaloner. It’s quite pitiful because he’s literally begging this man for his life...now he’s behind bars awaiting the noose.” — Noel [22:45]

• Newton responds with utter coldness, not even attending the execution, and later destroys records of his own investigation—likely to cover up his rule-breaking (24:00–25:06).

6. Aftermath & Reflection

• After this episode, Newton leaves the world of law enforcement and resumes his academic life as President of the Royal Society (25:27).
• The hosts contemplate other historical crime rivalries and ponder casting choices for a film version of the Newton vs. Chaloner story (26:50).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Newton’s unexpected lawman role:

  “He took his scientific acumen and cognitive prowess and applied it to the problem of crime.” — Ben [06:11]

• On Chaloner’s exploits:

  “Not only was he…counterfeiting currency, he was also counterfeiting penises.” — Ben [11:33]

• Describing the Newton vs. Chaloner rivalry:

  “There is, like, this kind of Batman and Joker or Sherlock and Moriarty relationship between these two men.” — Noel [13:55]

• On Newton’s investigative tactics:

  “He began bribing crooks for information. He started making threats. He found not only Chaloner’s associates but the wives and mistresses of his associates and started intimidating and threatening them.” — Ben [17:57]

• From Chaloner’s desperate prison letter:

  “‘I am going to be murthered…The worst of all murders, that is, in the face of justice…Unless I am rescued by your merciful hands.’” — [21:22]

Noteworthy Segments & Timestamps

• Newton’s Royal Mint appointment and lawman pivot: [03:29–05:57]
• State of English currency, rise of counterfeiting: [06:03–08:38]
• William Chaloner’s criminal biography: [09:38–11:22]
• Chaloner’s “other” products and the hosts’ comedic digression: [10:45–11:22]
• Newton-Chaloner rivalry, counterfeiting innovations: [13:55–15:12]
• Ethically questionable investigation tactics: [17:57–19:05]
• Chaloner’s doomed letters and trial: [21:22–23:40]
• Newton destroys records after conviction: [24:00–25:06]

Tone & Style

The episode is lively and irreverent, with the hosts riffing on historical facts, indulging in tangents about language, band names, and hypothetical T-shirts. Their banter keeps the story engaging, but they’re always grounded in well-researched historical detail.

Takeaway

This episode exposes the little-known, noir-ish chapter of Newton’s career—his transformation into England’s top anti-counterfeiting detective, and the “Holmes vs. Moriarty” rivalry with William Chaloner. Both hosts champion the absurdity of history while sketching a vivid tableau of the crime, punishment, and eccentricity that defined this criminal duel.

For more oddities from history, find Ridiculous History wherever you get your podcasts!