CLASSIC: The Weird Life of George Washington, Part 1

Summary

Ridiculous History

Episode: CLASSIC: The Weird Life of George Washington, Part 1
Date: December 27, 2025
Hosts: Ben Bowlin & Noel Brown
Guest: Christopher Haciotes

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Episode Overview

In this lively, irreverent, and trivia-packed episode, Ben, Noel, and guest Christopher Haciotes embark on Part 1 of a two-part journey through the lesser-known, peculiar, and downright ridiculous aspects of George Washington’s life. Rather than retelling the standard “Father of His Country” biography, the team dives into misconceptions, myths, quirky habits, and strange truths lurking behind America’s first president—revealing a man who was at once a revered statesman, a mythic figure, and, in many ways, a mystery.

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Main Topics and Discussion Points

Setting the Stage: Why George Washington?

• Podcast Purpose: The hosts lay out their intention not to rehash textbook history but to explore strange, often unknown facts about Washington. The show's tone is unserious, friendly, and packed with tangents and asides.
• Guest Introduction: Christopher Haciotes is introduced as a “brother in arms” and “longtime friend of the show.”
  [05:12]

  "Hey, everybody. Hey, Casey. Hey, Noel. Hey, what's your name?"
  —Christopher Haciotes, playfully ribbing Ben.

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Offbeat Early Banter: Misconceptions and Mystique

Timestamps: 06:44–10:53

• Origins of the Episode Idea
  Christopher's recent trip to Washington State sparks the idea for a Washington-themed show, but with the twist of focusing on George, not the state.

• The Mythic Status of Washington
  Discussed as moving “from the realm of earthly creatures into the world of myth.”

  "He has moved from the realm of earthly creatures into the world of myth in many ways."
  —Ben [10:10]

• Teeth Myths & Running Jokes
  The crew pokes fun at the “wooden teeth” myth, with inside jokes about “seahorse teeth.”

  "Seahorse teeth. It was straight seahorse teeth."
  —Noel [09:12]

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Hidden Facts & Pedantic Trivia

Timestamps: 11:25–16:26

Washington’s Real Birthday

• Calendar confusion: Washington’s actual birthday was February 11, 1731 (Julian calendar), later shifted to February 22, 1732 (Gregorian calendar).

  "Apparently that in and of itself is a misconception."
  —Noel [11:28]

No Middle Name

• Washington had no middle name, a bit shocking by today's standards—and a prompt for running jokes about giving him one.

  "George Washington. That's his name. That's it. No middle name."
  —Christopher [12:56]

A Tangent on Presidential Pedantry

• Comparisons to Harry S. Truman's “S,” which didn’t stand for anything, and humorous asides on middle names in history ensued.

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Deep Dive #1: George Washington, Whiskey Baron

Timestamps: 20:44–27:57

• Retirement Dreams: After leaving the presidency in 1797, Washington, wishing for a “more tranquil and freer from cares” retirement, was convinced by his estate manager James Anderson to open a whiskey distillery at Mount Vernon.

• Whiskey Details:

  • At its height (1798-99), distillery produced 11,000 gallons/year, one of the largest operations in the country.
  • Signature whiskey: 65% rye, 30% corn, 5% barley; unaged, sold by the barrel.
  • Other products: peach, apple, and persimmon brandy; vinegar; fermenting byproducts fed to pigs.
  • The distillery met its end in 1814 due to a fire (after being transferred through Washington’s heirs).

• Modern Revival: Mount Vernon restarted distilling in recent years, selling historically-authentic bottles for about $98.

  “Come for the history, stay for the whiskey.”
  —Ben [25:30]

• Sobering Truth: Explicit mention that enslaved Africans did the actual labor in the distillery.

  "This was really a project of James Anderson, the plantation manager, as well as six enslaved Africans..."
  —Christopher [27:50]

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Deep Dive #2: The Freemason Angle

Timestamps: 29:10–34:35

• Washington's Masonic Ties: He became a Master Mason at 21; the organization counted many founding fathers as members (Franklin, Hancock, Paul Revere, Lafayette).
• Conspiratorial Theories: The hosts explore (and debunk) the idea of the Masons as a shadowy revolutionary force, stressing their social/club aspects and small-world reality of 18th-century elites.
• Monumental Weirdness: The Washington Monument’s “weird” design and its Masonic/conspiratorial associations are playfully discussed.

  "They said, let's get weird with it. Have you guys heard of obelisk?"
  —Ben [35:14]

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Debunking and Contextualizing the Myths

Timestamps: 40:13–42:23

• Invented Stories: The myth of Washington's cherry tree was pure fabrication by biographer Parson Weems.

  "...his biographers said, we don't need just a man, we need a myth."
  —Ben [41:33]

• Larger Than Life: They note how Washington’s image was intentionally mythologized, fusing legend and fact for posterity.

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Hemp Farming and Agricultural Oddities

Timestamps: 43:08–49:26

• Washington as a Hemp Farmer:
  Grew vast quantities of hemp, mainly for rope/fiber; switched to wheat as it became more profitable.
  • Modern Mount Vernon now grows hemp again (since 2018).
• Hemp ≠ Marijuana:
  Important distinction between psychoactive marijuana and industrial hemp.
  • Discussion on modern hemp legalization and the confusing legal/cultural status of cannabis products.

  "I kind of have a feeling that old George Washington might have had issues with prohibition of any kind..."
  —Noel [48:27]

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Philosophical & Cultural Context

Timestamps: 48:48–49:26

• Washington on Moderation & Morality:
  He was not a proponent of overindulgence; not personally evangelical or deeply religious, more influenced by rational morality.

  "He had these sorts of beliefs, placing rational morality over spiritually motivated morality in common with some other founding fathers, like Jefferson..."
  —Ben [49:26]

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Running Gags & Memorable Moments

• Straight Seahorse Teeth:
  Continues as an evolving inside joke/jargon for something exceptionally weird, or “super dope.”

  "Straight seahorse teeth af."
  —Christopher [09:47]

• George’s Middle Name Game:
  Ongoing bit about what Washington’s middle name should have been (“Mash Bill,” “Seahorse Teeth,” “Whiskey Pouch”).

• Quizter/Evil Sprites:
  References to recurring gags and the “Quizter” character as a nerdy, omnipresent fact-checker.

• Pop Culture Tangents:
  Comparing Washington’s “General of the Armies” title to North Korean “Eternal President,” riffing on indoor whiskey barrels, historical eggnog, and the myth of the Founders as stoners.

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On Washington's Insta-worthy Portraits:

  "...the things that are on the dollar bill, that's essentially like the Instagram of the time."
  —Christopher [07:31]

• On Creating Myths:

  "We don't need just a man, we need a myth."
  —Ben [41:33]

• On Conspiracy Thinking:

  "Everything in the past looks like it unfolded in a way that it was meant to and in a way that made sense. But... there are innumerable other ways things could have happened..."
  —Christopher [33:52]

• On Mount Vernon’s Modern Whiskey:

  "If we could buy not just a bottle, you know... I would just love to just load up a barrel and bring it back to the office."
  —Ben [26:07]

• On the Importance of Nuance with Hemp:

  "...any one plant or one species can have different applications."
  —Christopher [47:18]

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Episode Highlights by Timestamp

• Birthdate & Calendar Confusion: 11:25–12:28
• No Middle Name & Tangents on Presidential Names: 12:56–15:41
• Washington as Whiskey Baron: 20:44–27:57
• Freemasonry & Conspiracies: 29:10–35:41
• Invented Myths (Cherry Tree, etc.): 41:33–42:23
• Hemp Farming: 43:08–45:04
• Modern Legalization & Use of Hemp: 45:04–49:26

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Tone and Style Notes

The episode is marked by irreverent humor, frequent digressions, in-jokes (“seahorse teeth,” “Quizter”), and a casual, conversational approach to history. The hosts are quick to poke fun at themselves, each other, and at the absurdities of the historical record, while also delivering well-researched facts and a genuinely educational experience for the listener.

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What’s Next: Episode Cliffhanger

The hosts end with the realization they've only scratched the surface, teasing a spontaneous two-parter:

"We are in for a spontaneous two parter. What do you guys say?"
—Ben [50:55]

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode:

This episode is a playful, often hilarious, but always insightful journey into the less-visited aspects of George Washington's legacy. If you think you know America's first president, this episode will surprise, amuse, and even challenge your view—while stoking your curiosity for Part 2.

Transcript

[A]

Fellow ridiculous historians, we're bringing in the end of the year, the beginning of the next, with one of our favorite classic series Guys, George Washington.

[B]

Just so weird George Washington.

[C]

Guys, check out the stuff that I want you to know. YouTube for some amazing little sketches with Ben dressed up as a time traveling George Washington. While that may be fiction or it may not, it's entirely up to you to decide. George Washington the man did indeed lead a very unexpectedly varied and fascinating and yes, weird, ridiculous life.

[A]

Yeah. And so this is part one of our exploration with none other than our special guest, our brother in arms, longtime friend of the show, Christopher Haciotes. Yeah, corporeally, not just in spirit. Yeah, he's rolling.

[D]

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[A]

Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio Foreign. Welcome to the show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you for tuning in. My name is Ben.

[C]

My name is Noel. This is an interesting, kind of more traditional way to start the show. You threw me for a loop there.

[A]

Yeah, it took it hard. Somebody remembered you guys on the Internet recently and referred to me as what's his name? So I'm going to try to just play it straight laced for a little while.

[C]

Ben, did they steal your thunder? Have they robbed you of your mojo?

[A]

I don't know. I don't want to feel thunderless.

[C]

How are we going to get your groove back?

[A]

Well, we're going to rely on the help of our super producer, Casey Pegram.

[C]

As always, sound always gets my groove right up.

[A]

So we have a pretty fascinating show for you today, folks, because it came about through a somewhat circuitous fashion. And who better to help us explain the story of how we got to this episode for today than our returning special guest, friends and neighbors, Christopher Haciotes.

[B]

Hey, everybody. Hey, Casey. Hey, Noel. Hey, what's your name?

[A]

Too soon, man.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Come on, man.

[B]

It's never too soon.

[C]

We've got to nurture. Ben, do we? We do.

[B]

Okay, we do. It's not in my contract.

[C]

This is a safe space here. The shipping container is a safe space.

[B]

Fine, Fine.

[A]

So we love having you on the show, Christopher, and we always have a bang up time whenever you bless us with some historical knowledge. But in our conversations off air, the four of us were, you know, we were kicking around ideas. What should we explore on air today? And you recently returned from a trip to Washington.

[B]

Yeah, that's Washington state. I was out in Seattle for podcon 2, which is a podcast convention, podcast conference. So kind of diving into the weird, strange, growing world of podcasting, headed out. There was a very sort of DIY scene. A lot of great creators, a lot of great podcasters. Aaron Manke, who's got some shows over here on our network, he was out there and it was my first time in Seattle. And I know you've got your goal of doing a show about every state, so I don't Know if this really counts, that I was in Washington and we're gonna talk about what we're gonna talk about. I don't know that it counts for Washington, but that's up to you. I don't make your rules. I just sit in the back and judge from a distance. But, yeah, we were out there, and that trip to Seattle, to Washington State made me think, hey, what's this place named after? It's named after a guy.

[C]

Did you have a guess?

[B]

You know, it wasn't named after an apple.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Wasn't named after a city on the other side of the nation.

[A]

And it wasn't named after George Washington Carver.

[B]

It wasn't?

[E]

No.

[B]

President numero uno. George Washington himself.

[C]

He's our guy.

[B]

Yeah. I thought there's a lot of cool stuff that we can talk about when it comes to George Washington. He's a revered statesman, our first president, a general, super military commander. You may know him for his fake teeth, his cherry tree. We can get into all of that and whether that actually happens.

[C]

Quite a snappy dresser.

[B]

Well, weren't they all?

[C]

Sure, but he had a particularly honed in fashion sense.

[A]

I mean, during their paintings.

[C]

They did.

[A]

We don't know what they wore on a regular Thursday.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, the paintings, the things that are on the dollar bill, that's essentially like the Instagram of the time. It's what they wanted to put forth. You know, you can be looking at someone's Instagram feed and they're happy, they're with their significant other, and you have no idea that they're going through financial troubles and dealing with a mortgage, and they're about to break up. Looks like life is great. So things just got real. Took a deep, deep end. Sorry. Not speaking from personal experience here, but yeah. So maybe, you know, that's one of the nice things about paintings. You can put the best foot forward. You can work a lot of symbolism into it. All of a sudden, we're talking art theory. But let's get back to George.

[A]

Yeah, let's get back to George. One thing I want to mention that I think is a very classy aspect of his character. He refused to become king. Right. There were proposals early on in the days of the founding of the nation, and people said, george, you're great. And he's like, well, stop. Keep going.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

No, keep going. And they said, you should be king. And he said, nah, guys, we're kind of missing the point. And that is, in my opinion, something that speaks very highly to his character and his reputation. But along the way, as we decided to explore the life of George Washington, we also decided to not do the basic origin story. Life and times and then death. We decided to look into some of the strangest, weirdest things the average person might not know about George Washington. And previously on the show. Noel, you and I had bantered back and forth about the misconceptions surrounding Washington's teeth or his allegedly wooden teeth.

[C]

Seahorse teeth. It was straight seahorse teeth.

[B]

Chomra.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Bringing it back.

[A]

Bring it back.

[C]

No, but seriously, I mean, that was a time where it was absolutely a thing to have animal teeth as dentures. Also, I think the episode in question was about using the teeth of fallen soldiers for dentures. And then we discovered that seahorse teeth weren't actually the teeth of tiny, tiny seahorses. That was just what they called hippopotamuses. They called them seahorses.

[A]

And Christopher, in case you missed it now, straight seahorse teeth is one of our new catchphrases.

[C]

It's just like saying something dope.

[B]

Super dope. Straight seahorse teeth af.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

Okay. You picked it up so quickly.

[B]

Super easy.

[A]

Somehow it sounds better when you say it.

[B]

Straight seahorse teeth. Straight seahorse teeth.

[C]

It's hard to say repeatedly. Wow. See? You couldn't do it, my friend. You could not do it.

[B]

Well, no, that just means if I had, I would have conjured like a little demon seahorse right here. That would have messed up this studio something fierce.

[C]

Sort of a homunculus type.

[A]

A bit of a quizter.

[B]

Please don't.

[A]

Kidding, kidding, kidding.

[C]

Have you ever been present for the quizter?

[B]

I feel like he's here right now. Sorry, listeners, he's not.

[C]

He usually is. He kind of does sort of that exorcist Y type thing where he just sort of clings to the ceiling and his head rotates and looks at us downward. It's a whole thing.

[A]

He's kind of the NSA of how stuff works. You know, he's always around. But he would agree with us. I hazard, that George Washington is. Is an amazing guy who lived an astonishing life. We know the gist, Christopher. I think you set it up quite nicely for us. George Washington, born February 22, 1732, passed away December 14, 1799. But in that span of time, he lived quite a full life. And there are so many facts about him, there are so many misconceptions. He is moved from the realm of earthly creatures into the world of myth in many ways. And we decided to each find some lesser known aspects of George Washington's life and times and share them with each other. And share them with you. Listening today.

[C]

When did you say his birthday was, Ben?

[A]

February 22nd.

[C]

So apparently that in and of itself is a misconception.

[A]

Is that the case?

[C]

Yeah. According to this mental floss article, 25 things you might not have known about George Washington. His actual birthday was February 11th.

[F]

That's right.

[C]

1731.

[B]

But that's. That's a. That's a calendar thing we're talking here, Right?

[C]

This is true, because it has to do with the Gregorian calendar versus the Julian calendar. But it's just. I don't know, I just thought that was funny.

[A]

That is. That is great.

[C]

The man is shrouded in mystery.

[A]

Calendars are weird anyway.

[C]

Also true.

[A]

So you're right. The colony switched from the Gregorian calendar to the Julian calendar and his birthday was moved 11 days. I wonder which of those answers is the acceptable answer in a trivia game.

[C]

That's a good question.

[B]

I think it depends on the trivia host and how deep into nerditude you want to get.

[C]

I was about to put a call out to any trivia host in the audience. Is there a code amongst trivia hosts as to this kind of thing? How pedantic is too pedantic for some.

[B]

Of the trivia games I've been to. It's never too pedantic.

[C]

That's fair. Okay.

[B]

And it depends on how much beer you've had.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, also true.

[A]

So February 11, 1731, but then it changed to February 22, 1732. It actually also changed in terms of the year. And as you said, Noel, this is just the beginning of the historical mysteries surrounding George Washington. We learned some fascinating quick one off trivia things. You pointed out something interesting about his name. Christopher.

[B]

Yeah. George Washington. That's his name. That's it. No middle name.

[C]

What are you saying?

[B]

No middle name. Just George.

[C]

That's illegal.

[B]

Just George.

[C]

That's not. Okay.

[B]

George Washington.

[C]

What happened?

[B]

What more do you need? He made a statement. He's not Prince. He's not Madonna. He's George Washington. He's not George Stephen Washington.

[C]

This begs the question of when did the middle name start? And why do people get so hung up on a middle name? Because my reaction there was very real and visceral, but now I'm questioning it.

[A]

You know, there is another president who had a middle name made up. It was.

[B]

Are we talking Truman's situation here?

[A]

It was. Yeah. It was a fake middle initial. Right?

[B]

Well, there's. There's some dispute about Harry S. Truman. A lot of. And again, this kind of gets back to Noel's favorite pedantic trivia, folks. But, you know, people will often claim Harry S. Truman, he did not have a period after the S in his name. And that's the way it is. And you know, it's the kind of people who love to jump down your throat on the Internet and say like, well, technically, actually, actually, those are our people. They can be. But those, you know, it can be a little aggressive, it can be a little off putting if you are always looking to correct other people and to shape the world into the way you see it, in my opinion. So, yeah, Harry S. Truman, sometimes he signed his name with a period after the S. So again, it's one of those things that's not consistent. And left to the mysteries of the history.

[C]

And just to stay in keeping with the pedantry of our people here, the middle name actually began in the middle ages and it had to do with families not being able to decide whether to give their kids a family name or a religious name. So they were able to give them both.

[A]

And it's different in other cultures, right?

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

So not to focus too much on President Truman in our George Washington episode, which we are endeavoring to count as our Washington State episode.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

You know what?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Let's give it a go. Let's give it a go. I think we can always leave the door open to do another Washington episode. But while we're filling out our 50.

[C]

I say, who's gonna stop us?

[E]

Who?

[B]

Not me, apparently.

[A]

Oh, Chris. So Harry S. Truman, according to the story, when he was born in 1884, his parents couldn't decide on a middle name, so they went with the letter S to honor his paternal grandfather and his maternal grandfather, a Ship and a Solomon, respectively. When he took the presidential oath of office, the Chief Justice Harlan F. Stone said, I, Harry Ship Truman. And the president replied, I, Harry S. Truman. So we buttoned that up.

[B]

Well, does that mean he actually was never president, as folks said about Obama, when there was like a little bit of a discrepancy during the swearing in? I don't know, probably not, because cable news did not exist in the day and Twitter was not a thing, thankfully for Mr. Harry S. Truman.

[C]

This is a good point you make.

[A]

And now we return to George Washington having solved the case of Harry S. Truman's, frankly, fake presidency. Right. That's not a sweeping statement.

[C]

He had to make an appearance. He just couldn't leave well enough alone. Harry S. Truman.

[A]

He's the quizter of. He's the quister of American presidents.

[C]

He really, really is. So George Washington. Yeah. No middle. I mean, is there more behind the story or is that where the story ends?

[B]

There may be. Okay, and I'll leave you with that. It'll be a cliffhanger because that's what I know.

[C]

I like it.

[A]

I like that. I like this mysterious air we are creating in today's episode. But we are not just going to present mysteries for the entirety of the show. We do have some fascinating facts that you may not have learned in your school years. And I think that. I think we're all on the same page. But how do we want to start, guys?

[C]

Oh, I thought we were already off to the races.

[A]

We're off to the races.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, let's.

[C]

Was that your first one, Christopher?

[B]

That wasn't. No, that had nothing to do.

[C]

We're just bantering now.

[B]

This is trivia.

[A]

This is just banter. This is just good times.

[C]

Oh, this is going to be a good one, you guys. Okay, who wants to go first?

[A]

I propose that Christopher goes first, I think.

[B]

Here I am.

[D]

Yep.

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[B]

All right, well, we started off talking about George Washington's birth, his birth date and the change of that. So let's just fast forward, let's skip all the rest and let's go straight to the end of his life.

[C]

So bummer.

[B]

Yeah. No, I mean, he's not dead yet.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

He's not dead yet.

[C]

His twilight years.

[B]

He's almost dead. He's not dead yet. So in 1797, George Washington leaves the presidency. What's he gonna do with his life? He decides. There's an actual quote from one of his biographers, George Washington. When he leaves the presidency, he wants his retirement to be quote, more tranquil and freer from cares. End Quote. Yeah, sounds nice.

[C]

He wants to chill.

[B]

Yeah, more tranquil. Free or from cares.

[C]

And he's of course doing this on his palatial estate. Mount Vernon, right?

[B]

Yeah, Mount Vernon, which is, it's south of where D.C. is now. It's on the Virginia side of the Potomac River. It's his, his estate of tens of thousands of acres. And while there, in his, in his final days, he's retired, he has a man managing the plantation, a Scottish immigrant named James Anderson. Now, this plantation manager had a background and a training in distillation. He made booze. So Anderson suggests to Washington, hey, Washington. Hey, George Washington, if you're going to use the full name, why not start making some booze? So we almost had George Washington whiskey, and the country did for a long time. So George Washington died in 1799. He left the presidency in 1797. For those last couple two and a half years of his life, he started a distillery in Mount Vernon. It ended up being one of the largest distilleries in the Americas at the time. By 1798, by early 1799, which is the year he ended up dying at the end of that year in December, they were producing 11,000 gallons of whiskey. Now, whiskey became really popular because in the 1780s and during the Revolutionary period, rum was the drink of choice. Soldiers were given rations of rum, sometimes whiskey. But essentially it became problematic importing a lot of the sugar cane from the West Indies to create rum. So this homegrown liquor, whiskey became much more popular. And yeah, there's a distillery right there that Washington ran. His signature whiskey was made with 65% rye, 30% corn and 5% barley.

[C]

And wasn't it considered a non aged rye?

[B]

Yeah, it was just, it was, it was distilled and ready to go. It didn't last years and years. You know, a lot of the whiskies you can buy now in the rye, they're aged in oak barrels. They're given.

[C]

That's how it gets the color.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. They mature over a long period of time, they develop more flavor. But no, I mean, this stuff was distilled right away and sold.

[C]

So doesn't that mean it was almost a little bit closer to something like moonshine or White Lightning?

[B]

Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. And it was sold, but it wasn't bottled. It wasn't sold in cans or pouches or anything like that. It was just packaged in barrels. Wait, pouches? Yeah. Well, I'm trying to think of how you could have like a juice box. Yeah, exactly. Whiskey pouch, like one of those foil Capri sun kind of thing.

[A]

Whiskey pouch Washington.

[B]

Sure. It's the kind of thing you could find at, like, the, I don't know, fyre festival or something.

[C]

Too soon.

[A]

Too soon, yeah. How was it sold?

[B]

It was just sold in barrels. Straight, straight to taverns. They would buy a whole barrel of this. Of this whiskey. They didn't just make whiskey, though. They also made other kinds of brandy. On the side. There was a peach brandy, an apple brandy, a persimmon brandy, and they would also take the leavings of that and make vinegar. They would take all the grains that had fermented and feed those to the pigs that lived on Mountain Vernon. So it's a sort of cyclical, sustainable, Good way to use what you've grown. Also wildly successful in his final days, George Washington was becoming one of the preeminent whiskey barons in the United States. The only thing that really derailed the company and one of the reasons why we don't have Washington whiskey as a massive legacy institution in the country today is he died in 1799. So after he died, the distillery was passed to Martha, his wife's granddaughter, and her husband. But a fire in 1814 burned down the distillery, and that was pretty much the end of the operation. So that really put the final screw in the tombstone. Nail in the coffin.

[C]

There you go. I like screwing the tombstone.

[A]

I like screwing the tombstone.

[B]

Sure, why not?

[A]

It's more secure than a nail.

[B]

Yeah, it's one of those IKEA tombstones, I think.

[C]

And now, correct me if I'm wrong in this, or maybe you have a better timeline, but they're back at it again at Mount Vernon.

[B]

They are. They're back at it. Yeah. A couple years ago, within the last 10 years, they reopened the distillery at his historic home. I don't know if they're using the exact same techniques and methods, but it's in the same place. And, yeah, the Washington distillery is up and running. Probably not going to give some of the other notable names in the whiskey world today a run for their money. But if you go visit Washington's historic Mount Vernon, you can definitely sample the whiskey.

[A]

Come for the history, stay for the whiskey.

[B]

I thought you were going to say whiskery.

[A]

Whiskery.

[C]

I love pronouncing that hard h. According to Mount Vernon.org, you can buy a bottle of this stuff for about 98 dol, which ain't cheap. And they refer to the recipe as the mash bill, which must have been the old timey way of referring to this whiskey Recipe and it is using the same recipe that they found in the ledgers from the original distillery.

[B]

That's great. I would love to take a road trip up there. I think it would be a lot of fun if we could buy not just a bottle, you know, because you couldn't buy a bottle then. So they're being a little ahistorical. I would just love to just load.

[A]

Up a barrel and bring it back to the office.

[C]

Get a whole barrel.

[B]

That's what the studio is missing.

[A]

This would not be our first time sampling some tipple from George Whiskey Pouch Washington. I believe we've mentioned on previous episodes a good friend of ours, our co worker, producer Alex Williams, is known around how stuff works for making toward the end of the year, making an historically accurate version of George Washington's famous eggnog.

[D]

And.

[A]

And just between us folks, that stuff packs a punch.

[C]

Oh man, it's boozy. And the last little direction in the recipe, the best part, it says to let set in cool place for several days and taste frequently as one does.

[B]

With just about anything in your cool place.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

I think it would startle most of us in the modern age to travel back in time to the days of the founding fathers and see just how much and how often they drank. Yeah, it's insane.

[C]

I would say there was never a sober moment.

[B]

I'll point out though that, you know, we're talking about George Washington's distillery and his recipes. Again, this was a man who commanded an entire plantation. So he was kind of up at the head. This wasn't Washington himself sitting in there in the distilling room, tinkering with a recipe, coming up with what he most favored. This wasn't really a passion project for him. It was a way for him to make money at the end of his life. Sure, he wasn't nearly as rich as some people may have thought he was. He wrote to a nephew who was asking him for money. Yeah, I'll give you this loan, but I'm not made of money like most people think I am. So this, this was really a project of James Anderson, the plantation manager, as well as six enslaved Africans who were the ones doing the actual hard labor of making this, this distilled liquor.

[A]

Getting none of the credit.

[C]

No.

[B]

And. And we'll, we'll get back to Washington's enslaved staff soon.

[A]

Yes, that's. That's foreshadowing. Also, before we get too into the disturbing facts of Washington's life, I have a proposal for us on the show. Why don't we hunt for a middle name for George Washington in the course of this episode as we learn stuff. So right now we've got MASH Bill, which I think is great.

[C]

I'm a fan of seahorse teeth.

[A]

Seahorse teeth. I think that's great, too.

[B]

One word.

[C]

Yeah, but that's a hyphenated.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

I also like whiskey pouches because it makes him seem so disreputable.

[C]

It's very good.

[B]

Can I. Can I suggest George.

[A]

George. George Washington.

[C]

That sounds like an 80s singer.

[A]

It's George. George Washington.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's see. Let's see what we find. These are all some great contenders, but we are just setting off on our weird Washington journey. What do you think? Do you have one? Do you want to go?

[C]

Do you want to flip for it? You want to Rochambeau for it?

[A]

Sure. Okay. It's 1, 2, 3, go. We've got Christopher as a witness. All right, ready? One, two, three, go.

[B]

Oh, I win. No, no. Gets the scissors.

[C]

Scissors cut.

[B]

Does that mean no? You get to choose what you do. Does that mean you go or you just damage that?

[C]

I think it's up to you, man. I'd like you to go, man.

[A]

Okay. I have something that is a bit strange, but will be old beans to people who also are fans of our other show. Stuff they don't want you to know. George Washington, you see, had any number of extracurricular activities, one of which was Freemasonry. George Washington became a master Mason in 1753, and ever since, this has driven more fringe or conspiratorial researchers further and further into the depths of speculation. He was a young Virginia planter when he became a Master Mason in Fredericksburg, Virginia, at Masonic Lodge number four. He was only 21 years old, and soon he would command his first military operation as a major in the Virginia Colonial Militia. We know, I think, basically what Freemasonry is. It's evolved from the practices and rituals of stonemasons guilds in the Middle Ages, and it was still a powerful force in America, even during the time of tension and later, the war for independence against the British Empire. The first American Masonic Lodge was founded in Philadelphia in 1730. And do you know who was a founding member of that? It's pretty easy to guess.

[C]

Is it old Benny Franks?

[E]

It is.

[A]

It is. It's the old libertine himself. So for a lot of people, this association would seem to indicate that there's something at work behind the screen of history. Right. That Freemasonry was involved in the American Revolution. Or that people were acting under orders of the Masonic organization. But really, for George Washington, joining the Masons was a rite of passage, and it was sort of an exercise of his civic responsibility. After he became a Master Mason again at the age of 21, he had the option of passing through a number of additional rights that would take him to higher degrees that would place him higher in the hierarchy of Masonry. In 1788, shortly before he became the first president of the US he was elected the first worshipful Master of Alexandria Lodge number 22. And he was not alone in this. As you pointed out, Benjamin Franklin was also a Mason, as were Paul Revere, John Hancock, the Marquis de Lafayette of the Hamilton musical fame, and the Boston Tea Party saboteurs. And Masonic rites were in play. They were witnessed at events like Washington's inauguration, the laying of the Cornerstone of the U.S. capitol Building in Washington, D.C. d.C. Again, is a city supposedly designed with a lot of Masonic symbols in mind. You have to admit the Washington Monument is pretty abstract, you know what I mean?

[C]

It definitely looms large in the horizon in a very sinister way. If you're walking around in the Mall at night, it kind of gives me the creeps, to be honest.

[B]

I think the whole idea of conspiracy and the Masonic Lodge and all that, it doesn't really take into account the reality of the situation at the time. Now in the 2000s, it's easy to look back and think, oh, my gosh, all these people knew each other. They were all part of the same organization. Everything ties into everything. But the reality is the population of the colonies at the time was so small compared to what. What we have today. Right. So I mean, essentially you're talking about a population in terms of the landowners and the. The white European immigrants or settlers. We're talking tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of people. Essentially. These are small towns or small cities, so everyone's gonna know everyone. Especially if you're near the top of the. The upper echelon of society. It's not quite as nefarious cabal creating as it sounds.

[A]

Absolutely not. That's the thing. In many ways, it's a social club. These people are sharing their interests. And do they talk about things that they want to do? Like, do they talk about political goals or business ideas? Of course they do, because that's what friends do when they hang out with each other. They talk about the things they care about and the things that they're working on. I enjoy this theory, and I especially appreciate, Christopher, you're pointing out that it's easy for us to look back in retrospect and perhaps see patterns where none actually exist. You know what I mean? A lot of history is coincidence. The human species is not chock full of amazing planners with very complicated schemes.

[B]

No, everything in the past looks like it unfolded in a way that it was meant to and in a way that made sense. But that's because that's the way we know how things unfolded. There are innumerable other ways things could have happened and other paths history could have taken that if we travel down those timelines, would make this one look particularly ridiculous or strange.

[C]

But, guys, you're completely overlooking the blood magic rituals to Moloch. Oh, I mean, they did on the regular.

[B]

Yeah, but that's. I mean, we do that.

[A]

I thought you were talking about the one that I was gonna do later.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, Is Casey still taping this?

[C]

I didn't mean to blow up y' all spot.

[A]

You guys are coming, right?

[C]

Well, I didn't get an invite.

[A]

I brought snacks.

[C]

I love a good snack.

[A]

I mean, come for the Molik, stay for the snacks.

[C]

That's what I'll do.

[A]

One last thing about freemasonry and George Washington, D.C. i have such a fun time imagining the pitch meeting for building the Washington Monument and say, okay, we think he's the greatest president. We think he's the first president. We need something that really says, this man was the first president. And, you know, they go back and forth and someone says, well, maybe a statue of the guy. And they go, ah, I like the idea of something like a big structure. Okay, okay. Maybe like he's on a horse.

[C]

Or as you like to say, Ben. No, let's get weird with it.

[A]

That's exactly it. Yeah. They said, let's get weird with it. Have you guys heard of obelisk? And they go, you mean obelisk like a dude? Like in Egypt? Right on. And that was history. I am mostly kidding. Because if you look into the story of the Washington Monument, which could be its own episode, they had much more ambitious plans. And what we see today is essentially a compromise in scaling down again.

[B]

The story of our nation and the story of our history is compromises, half baked. Plans that in retrospect look like what should have happened, but in reality were just thrown together at the time with no real idea of what ramifications would come to pass decades down the line. I mean, look at anything involving. Well, we don't need to get into health insurance and tax law and all sorts of compromises made in Congress. But, yeah, we are just a collection of mistakes and bumbles through the years.

[C]

Some of which have incredible staying power.

[B]

Yes, very much so. Much like a monument itself to our first president. I would argue maybe they just were like, how are we going to remind people that he was the first president? This looks like a big number one.

[A]

A gigantic number one.

[B]

A gigantic number one dot this is.

[G]

Rob Gronkowski from Dudes on Dudes with Gronk and jules. For the second season in a row, I partnered with T Mobile's Friday night 5G lights, powering up hometown football across America. This year T mobile invested over $4 million in prizes to help schools take their Friday nights to the next level. The votes are in. And now it's time to crown our $1 million grand prize winner. Congratulations to Derrick's High school and Derrick's Arkansas, home of the Outlaws and your 2025 T mobile Friday night 5G lights champion. The Outlaws and their community rallied to help them score a game changing home field upgrade, a Gronk Fitness weight room makeover, an epic 2026 tailgate party and a VIP trip to the SEC championship game. To every school that competed, posted and rallied your communities. Thank you and to T Mobile for making it all possible. This season may be over, but the story isn't. Stay tuned for season three in 2026. Congratulations again to Derek's high school Outlaws.

[E]

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[C]

Trainer Games on Prime Video January 8th. Watch the trailer on trainergames.com did you.

[F]

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[D]

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[A]

So let's reset just a second here because it occurs to me that we may be well on the way to making something that sounds like a hit piece on George Washington. Because he's a whiskey tycoon. He's a freemason.

[C]

He's a slave owner.

[A]

He's a slave owner. Yeah, we can't forget that part. But it wasn't all complicated, weird, problematic stuff. He had some other notable wins and I don't think being a whiskey tycoon is that bad.

[B]

I have nothing wrong with that. I endorse it.

[A]

I think it's slave labor. I think that bothers me.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's also one of those things where it's I can't even fall behind the whole. It was just how everyone was doing it. It was a different time. I mean, the thing is, he also was a pretty forward thinking individual in so many ways. In fact, he was so influential in creating the structure that is very much still a part of our military today that he was posthumously given this title, the General of the Armies of the United States. That is forever un. Outrankable.

[B]

Yeah, it's total, total God mode. You know, you can't. Let's say they create seven star generals, eight star generals, nine star generals. In the next couple years, those still will be underneath Washington.

[A]

Kind of similar in some ways to the Eternal President of the dprk, Kim Il Sung. But we didn't call him Eternal President. We just called him General of Everything.

[B]

Yeah, and I think it's important to remember about Washington. That and most of the men back then, this was the first time they were doing the. He was setting the precedent for the president.

[C]

The presidential precedent.

[B]

Exactly. And so, yeah, the way he acted, the choices he made, the statements he put forth, they set the stage for what we've had over the past several hundred years leading up to today. And it's important to keep in mind that anyone who's given that sort of authority carries weight. They embody what a country is moving forward. And that actually played into some of the misconceptions about Washington because his biographers said, we don't need just a man, we need a myth. So we're going to invent this whole thing about the cherry tree. We're gonna make up some stories to make him larger than life.

[C]

That was his biographer, Weems. What was his names?

[B]

Yeah, biographer slash mythologizer.

[C]

That's right. Absolutely.

[B]

And just blatantly, like, made it up, not fudged it a little bit. Some of this stuff was just made up to make him larger than life.

[C]

Oh, absolutely. I mean, and I honestly very, very frequently confuse the myth of the cherry tree with Abe Lincoln because everyone called him Honest Abe. So I sometimes conflate those stories because he also was a very larger than life figure who grew up poor and kind of more of a rural setting.

[A]

And also similar to Washington, he has a real underdog story because Lincoln ran unsuccessfully for office.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

Multiple times. So people love to see some perseverance. Oh, man. I think we're doing pretty well here so far. We're drawing in Truman, we're drawing in Lincoln.

[C]

Well, remember earlier, Christopher, when you were talking about how the United States was sort of a agglomeration of half baked ideas?

[B]

I remember that. I look forward to the emails.

[C]

Speaking of half baked ideas, Washington smoked a lot of weed. No, that's not true. But he grew a lot of hemp.

[A]

That is true. That part is true.

[C]

I was waiting for that. I needed to do that callback. I had to do it. Thank you for supplying me with that.

[B]

No, you're welcome.

[C]

It's true. Hemp was one of his main cash crops. Well before he got into the whiskey trade on Mount Vernon, he grew copious amounts of hemp, which is marijuana. But it is a slightly different strain of marijuana. Doesn't contain the psychoactive substance THC or it's very, very low tetrahydrocannabinols. And it was used historically for making ropes. It was a fantastic fiber. You used the stem, it had these. They grew it so it would have these elongated strands, these fibers in the stems, as opposed to the plants that were grown to smoke, or you would think of the ones that are grown today to smoke are much shorter, less hardy plants. They look a little more like little bushes, but. And he grew fields of this stuff in an area on Mount Vernon that.

[A]

He called the Muddy Hole.

[B]

The Muddy Hole.

[C]

The Muddy Hole. And it was because it was a very sought after substance, because it was used to make. They even referred to ropes in those days as hemps. They call them like sailing hemps, like for all the riggings in various types of vessels. And he would have continued to grow it if he hadn't have done some kind of shrewd calculations and realized that actually wheat was probably a more profitable crop to use his land for. But, yeah, he grew it for quite some time. And as it turns out, in the very same way that Mount Vernon is now back to distilling whiskey.

[A]

Mash Bill.

[C]

Mash Bill. Love it. Yeah. They're also now growing hemp.

[A]

Yeah. As of 2018. Right. They harvested their first hemp crop in centuries, I believe.

[C]

And the interesting thing is, is that hemp, even though it doesn't contain very high levels of the psychoactive substance at all, were outlawed and made a Schedule 1 drug right alongside the more trippy counterparts. So growing hemp was outlawed, but it's.

[B]

Not the same thing.

[C]

Right.

[B]

I mean, these plants are cousins, they're related. But that's like. Like if you had prohibition of alcohol and all of a sudden you couldn't serve cough syrup at a drugstore. Right. Because just because it has a little bit of alcohol in it, are we kind of on the same thing? Like, people are overreacting and bunching things together?

[C]

Very, very, very similar. But if you look at a field of hemp, it looks like a field of marijuana plants.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I mean, they're very, very similar. And in fact, so what I was getting to is in 2014, there was a farm bill that passed that allowed research for growing hemp. And some states have legalized essentially limited hemp farming. And another bill that passed in the Senate in 2018 was going to allow for full legalization. I don't know if that one has gone through yet or not. I'll have to do a little more follow up on that. But the point is, you can get. There's another substance, a compound that's in marijuana and hemp, it's called cbd, which you may have read a lot of research about. People use it for anxiety. It can treat a lot of different ailments and just kind of has become a very popular kind of remedy that people are using. And it is legal in states where marijuana is not legal because you can get it from hemp. It's pretty interesting. But, yeah, no, there's no evidence. A lot of other founding fathers grew hemp too, like John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, but there is no evidence showing that any of them ever tried to smoke.

[B]

Yeah, it's a useful crop. And it's. It might be a disappointment to your stoner buddy out there who's saying, oh, Washington and the founding fathers had hemp. We need to legalize everything. It's not quite the same thing, but it does argue for nuance. It argues for understanding the uses of plants and that any one plant or one species can have different applications.

[A]

Well said. And also just a soft historical note there. I don't believe any form of cannabis was actually Schedule 1 until the 1970s.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

So it's relatively recent, right?

[C]

Yeah. And I mean, we are definitely in a sea change of legalization sweeping the nation right now, which is pretty, pretty fascinating time to be around with so many of these changes coming so quickly. There's actually a pretty great, great quote in this article from the Smithsonian that talks about the first hemp crop being harvested at Mount Vernon recently from this fellow by the name of John Hudak who says, I think where we're at right now is a situation in which finally, a lot of members of Congress have finally stopped buying drug war era rhetoric, stopped thinking about the cannabis plant in a very uniform way. So, so very much supports your point.

[A]

Christopher, and fascinating for all of our listeners outside of the US and my friends who live in different countries. It's a weird process to explain to them that you can be arrested for one thing in one state and it's completely fine in another, and you can hop a flight for a few hours and be in a place where you're in the same country, but the laws are completely different.

[C]

And I kind of have a feeling that old George Washington might have had issues with prohibition of any kind, you know, being that he liked his whiskey and he liked his hemp and, you know, seemed like a, you know, civil liberties kind of fellow. You know, I don't know. I wonder what he would have to.

[A]

Say as long as it applied to white landowners.

[C]

Well, okay, that's fair. It was a different time.

[B]

Yeah. And there is historical record of Washington complaining about soldiers who were drunkards, who consumed too much, who Overindulged. And that's been argued by some that Washington was a little more uptight than you might be led to believe. But to me, in reading what he actually said and wrote, it looks more like he was against the overindulgence, not the actual substance itself. He didn't assign a moral value to alcohol or to whatever might have been smoked.

[C]

You know what else? He wasn't an evangelical. He was actually very. A religious. He was a very moral man and had a real code that he lived by, but he was not a strict adherent to any form of religion. That that has been made clear in.

[A]

The record which he had. He had these sorts of beliefs, placing rational morality over spiritually motivated morality in common with some other founding fathers, like Jefferson and his famous Jefferson Bible, where he removes everything that he thought was remotely supernatural, which is a story for another day. Okay, so we've painted a pretty in depth picture right now. And just to recap, we've got a whiskey tycoon who is also a freemason, who is also a hemp farmer. Hemp tycoon. Is that fair?

[C]

It seems like he was testing it a little bit more and then he kind of like switched over to grain, but I don't know, he definitely made some money. And it turns out too, that it became a very profitable export because the Brits really relied on it. They were actually growing it a lot when the colonies were still under British control, and they relied on that from them. So when they split, they turned it into much more of a business like exchange.

[A]

Oh, hang on, guys. Hang on. Casey, could we get like a game show out of time Sound effect. Perfect.

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

Well, it turns out, Christopher, that we have made a game time decision. We are running low on time, so we want to give you this topic the justice it deserves, which means that we are in for a spontaneous two parter. What do you guys say?

[C]

Oh, my gosh, I love it when you actually decide it's going to be a two parter in real time as opposed to post mortem, you know?

[B]

Wait, Ben, what's going on? It sounds like you've just got to get out of here. You don't want to hang out with us for another couple hours and talk about George Washington?

[A]

I. I do, I do. And through the magic of editing, we'll do that in a later episode.

[B]

Okay? Okay. Okay.

[C]

Because as we know, in the podcast world, time is but an illusion, a flat circle indeed. Right.

[B]

We've actually been here in the studio for about 12 hours talking about George Washington.

[C]

We've always been here.

[B]

Here we are.

[A]

Check in anytime you like, but you can never leave. We're kidding. This will mark the end of part one of our George Washington and Washington State episode. Technically, but this will not mark the end of the show. Please tune in for our next episode when we explore even more strange, obscure facts about the first President of the United States. In the meantime, you can say hello to Casey, Noel, Christopher and myself on Instagram. You can find us on Facebook, you can find us on Twitter, hit us up with your favorite strange historical facts. And if you want to hang out with our favorite part of the show, your fellow listeners, visit us on our community page, Ridiculous Historians on Facebook.

[C]

If you want a little tiny peek into our relatively run of the mill lives. But you know, we do some cool things every now and then, you can check me out at Embryonic Insider on Instagram.

[A]

And I am Ben bullen on Instagram. 100% Moloch free photo content so far.

[C]

It's good to know.

[B]

Until the next episode comes out, I'm just going to be sitting here pulling dollar bills out of my wallet. Very, very few dollar bills, Mr. Money Bags. Just staring at George, staring at George, wanting to talk about him with you guys again soon.

[C]

I can't wait. Do you have any plugs you'd like to plug?

[B]

I do have some plugs. If you want to find me on Instagram. I'm Hasiotis. That's H A s S I O T I s and we all hang out on the ridiculous Historian Facebook page. We'll be there.

[A]

In the meantime, we would like to thank, of course, our super producer, Casey Pegram. We would like to thank Alex Williams, who composed our track.

[C]

We'd like to thank our pal Gabe who helps us out with research.

[F]

And of course, we'd like to thank.

[C]

Christopher Haciotes, our incredible guest and lifelong pal.

[B]

No, thank you, Casey. Thanks. And if one of you guys would thank what's his name over here for me, I'd appreciate it.

[A]

We'll see you next time.

[C]

For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[D]

It's the season to come together over your holiday favorites at Starbucks. Warm up with a creamy caramel brulee latte, get festive with an iced gingerbread chai, or share a velvety peppermint mocha. Together is the best place to be at Starbucks.

[E]

My perfect day has sand, salt water and friends. But my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis can take me out of the moment.

[C]

Now I'm all in with clearer skin.

[E]

Thanks to Skyrizi Rizankizumab RZA a prescription.

[C]

Only 150mg injection for adults who are.

[E]

Candidates for systemic or phototherapy with Skyrizi. Most people saw 90% clearer skin and many were even 100% plaque free at four months. Skyrizi is just four doses a year after two starter doses.

[D]

Don't use a valid allergic to Skyrizi. Serious allergic reactions, increased infections or lower ability to fight them may occur before treatment. Get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor about any flu like symptoms or vaccines.

[E]

Thanks to Skyrizi, there's nothing on my skin and that means everything. Ask your doctor about Skyrizi, the number one dermatologist prescribed biologic in psoriasis. Visit skyrizi.com or call 1-866-Skyrizi to learn more.

[D]

Ten athletes will face the toughest job interview in fitness that will push past physical and mental breaking points. You are the fittest of the fit. Only one of you will leave here with an IFIT contract worth $250,000. This is where mindset comes in. Someone will be eliminated. Pressure is coming down.

[C]

Trainer Games on Prime Video January 8th watch the trailer on trainergames.com did you.

[F]

Know Microsoft has officially ended Support for Windows 10? Upgrade to Windows 11 with an LG Gram laptop voted PCMag's Reader's Choice Top Laptop Brand for 2025. Thin and ultra lightweight, the LG Gram keeps you productive anywhere and Windows 11 gives you access to to free security updates and ongoing feature upgrades. Visit lgusa.com iheart for great seasonal savings on LG Gram laptops with Windows 11. PCMag reader's choice used with permission. All rights reserved.

[D]

Season 2 of unrivaled basketball is here and the talent is unreal. The best women's players on the planet are running it back with even bigger moments and bigger stakes. Don't miss as Paige Beckers, Nafiza Collier, Kelsey Plumb, Brianna Stewart and Moore take the court and redefine the game. This isn't your regular season. This is unrivaled, where the pace is faster, the energy is higher and every athlete shines. Unrivaled basketball season two, sponsored by Samsung Galaxy, tips off January 5th on TNT, TruTV and HBO Max. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.