Ridiculous History

CLASSIC: The Weird Life of George Washington, Part 2

Released: December 30, 2025
Hosts: Ben Bowlin & Noel Brown
Guests: Christopher Haciotes, Casey Pegram (super producer)

Episode Overview

In the second installment of their deep-dive into the quirks and contradictions of America's first president, Ben, Noel, and guest Christopher Haciotes examine George Washington’s oddities, medical maladies, infamous hair routine, and deeply complicated legacy as a slaveowner. Blending characteristic wit with sobering honesty, the hosts challenge the myth of Washington while reveling in the peculiarities that have made him an enduring (and sometimes ridiculous) figure in U.S. history.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Revisiting George Washington: Beyond the Myth [04:17–06:00]

• The team resumes exploring Washington as a real, fallible human, not just a stoic figure on money.
• Banter includes playful asides about creating a presidential theme park ("Washington's muddy hole" ride).

2. Obscure Presidents and Legacy [06:10–09:27]

• Brief tangent on forgettable presidents and why some, like Andrew Johnson, land at the bottom of the rankings.
  • Quote: "I think a lot of Americans would be hard pressed to name Andrew Johnson. And I gotta tell you, I think it's because his name's a little generic." – Christopher Haciotes [08:11]
• Discussion segues to Washington’s willingness to learn from others—contrasted with less distinguished leaders.

3. The Sickliest President? Washington’s Medical Misadventures [10:45–12:18]

• Medical Conditions: Washington survived a gauntlet of illnesses—diphtheria, tuberculosis, smallpox, dysentery, malaria, quinsy (tonsillitis), carbuncle, pneumonia, and epiglottitis.

• Infertility Theories: Modern research suggests Washington’s possible infertility might be tied to tuberculosis infection.

  • Quote: "He was one of the sickliest presidents in U.S. history... In fact, he was so afflicted that people started speculating this may have played a role in his infertility." – Ben [10:45]

• Carbuncles: Playful interlude about the grossness of carbuncles, with Noel expressing regret at Googling them (“Not good.” [12:18]), and a group vote against posting images online.

  • Memorable moment: Three-way vote to keep carbuncle images off social, “I’m taking a triple vote and I’m voting no.” – Christopher Haciotes [12:50]

4. Washington’s Lack of Children: Impact on Legacy [13:20–14:15]

• Discussion on how Washington’s childlessness cemented his private and public legacy, sparing the "idiot sons" phenomenon often seen in dynasties.
  • Quote: "He set things in motion, and he stepped back and that was it, quite possibly." – Christopher Haciotes [13:29]

5. Washington as Slaveholder: The Oney Judge Story [18:40–27:44]

• Scope of Slavery: At his death, Washington held legal control over 123 slaves, plus 193 “dower” slaves through Martha.
• Detailed legalities reveal a labyrinthine, often cold approach to human life as property.
• Oney (Ona) Judge: Her daring escape and the relentless efforts by the Washingtons to recapture her spotlight the darker truths of Washington’s legacy.
  • Quote: "Oney Judge was a slave that Washington pursued until the end of his life... he encouraged kidnapping. At the time, he probably saw it as a return of property." – Christopher Haciotes [22:00]
• Pennsylvania Law Dodge: Washington skirted anti-slavery laws by rotating enslaved people out of state.
  • “He would rotate his slaves between the home in Pennsylvania and Virginia... so that they would not qualify or meet certain criteria under Pennsylvania law.” – Christopher Haciotes [24:38]
• Oney Judge lived as a fugitive her entire life despite winning her freedom in practice.

6. Addressing the Myth & Responsibility [27:44–28:39]

• The hosts reflect on the importance of confronting the uncomfortable aspects of revered figures.
  • Quote: "I think it is an unpleasant and disturbing part of the story, but I believe that same disturbing aspect is what makes it crucial that we... remember what happened." – Ben [27:44]

7. The Hair Routine: Truth vs. Portraits [32:12–39:53]

• Not a Wig: That iconic white hair was Washington’s own, laboriously styled and powdered.
  • Used colored powders—talcum, chalk, etc.—to achieve the signature look; sometimes wore a paper cone to avoid inhaling powder.
  • Quote: "That weird peruke-looking do that Washington was sporting was not in fact a wig. Those were his natural hairs and he went to great lengths to coif them as such.” – Noel [33:36]
• Portraits are misleading—occasional historical images show him with “dandruffy” powder.
  • Quote: "Portraits are not always an accurate representation of what someone might really look like." – Christopher Haciotes [38:54]
• Link to a National Geographic article with illustrations is promised.

8. Military Titles & Odd Trivia [39:33–39:49]

• Recap of some Washingtonian oddities: no middle name, highest military command, whiskey tycoon, Freemason, etc.

9. Washington’s Bizarre Demise [40:04–41:18]

• After surviving so many illnesses, Washington died not from disease but iatrogenic harm—he was bled to death by a doctor.
  • Quote: “He did have all these maladies, but in 1799... what historians think really killed him is a doctor... Medical malpractice." – Christopher Haciotes [40:27]
  • "Four rounds of bloodletting removed something like five pints of blood from the president.” – Ben [40:39]
  • Classic punchline: "Well, that’s why they call it practicing medicine." – Noel [41:15]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Do you think the fact that George Washington didn't have children kind of cemented his legacy? You know, that he didn't have kids who could kind of tarnish the Washington [name]?” — Christopher Haciotes [13:20]
• “That weird peruke-looking do that Washington was sporting was not in fact a wig. Those were his natural hairs and he went to great lengths to coif them as such.” — Noel [33:36]
• “He would rotate his slaves... so that they would not qualify or meet certain criteria under Pennsylvania law.” — Christopher Haciotes [24:38]
• “I think it's more accurate to look at history as it was, to look at the man as he was, and to acknowledge that this was part of a complicated life.” — Christopher Haciotes [26:22]
• “After four rounds of bloodletting [his doctor] removed something like five pints of blood from the president.” — Ben [40:39]

Important Timestamps

• Opening banter and guest introduction: 04:17
• Obscure presidents tangent: 06:46–09:27
• Medical maladies and infertility speculations: 10:45–12:18
• Washington’s childlessness and legacy: 13:20–14:15
• Exploring Washington’s slaveholding, Oney Judge escape: 18:40–27:44
• Reflection on telling uncomfortable truths: 27:44–28:39
• The truth about Washington’s hair and styling routine: 32:12–39:53
• Military trivia and the end-of-life bloodletting: 39:33–41:18

Tone and Style

The hosts and guest strike a balance between humorously scrutinizing the oddities of Washington’s life and respectfully (yet frankly) confronting the grim realities of his role as a slaveholder. The playful banter and absurd jokes are tempered by a commitment to historical honesty and empathy for those affected by history’s less savory truths.

Final Thoughts

This episode provides a multidimensional look at George Washington, from his questionable hair routine to the tragic reality of slavery, medical misadventures, and the mythmaking that surrounds his name. Listeners come away with a fuller, more complicated image of America’s first president—one that both delights in the ridiculous and does not shy away from the uncomfortable.

For more details and visuals (minus carbuncles), visit the Ridiculous Historians Facebook group or the show’s social media pages.