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Ben
Hey Noel, riddle me this. What do a camel, a bucket and an ear have in common?
Noel
An ear like on our head? Or like an ear of corn?
Ben
You know what? Prescient Prescient. This is a classic episode.
Noel
Just making sure I understand the assignment.
Ben
Riddle you that.
Noel
Each was at some point responsible for starting a war. So why don't we dive into this classic episode about weird wars that were fought for stupid reasons.
Os Velozian
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Noel
Portland to right where you are on.
Ben
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Os Velozian
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Ben
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Os Velozian
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Ben
Card is no cash access and expires in six months.
Gabe Leonors
What would you do if mysterious drones appeared over your hometown? I started asking questions. What do you remember happening on that night of December 16th?
Noel
It actually rotated around our house, looking as if it was peering in each window of our home.
Gabe Leonors
I'm Gabe Leonors from Imagine I Heart Podcasts and Leonard's Entertainment. Listen to Obscura Invasion of the Drones wherever you get your favorite podcast gas.
Os Velozian
Why does the Godfather of AI warn that the very thing he helped create now has a 10 to 20% chance of leading to human extinction in the next three decades? And what did he learn from losing his wife to cancer about how to approach the future of AI? I'm Os Velozian, host of Tech Stuff, and I'm so excited to share this memorable and intimate conversation with Nobel laureate Geoffrey Hinton. Listen to Tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Maria Tremarki
Welcome to the Criminalia Podcast. I'm Maria Tremarke.
Holly Fry
And I'm Holly Fry. Together we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.
Maria Tremarki
Each season we explore a new theme. From poisoners to art thieves, we uncover.
Holly Fry
The secrets of history's most interesting figures, from legal injustices to body snatching.
Maria Tremarki
And tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in cocktails and mocktails inspired by each story.
Holly Fry
Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Ben
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartrad war. To paraphrase the common figure of speech is heck, it's not a. It's not a pretty thing. It's been an unfortunately common occurrence throughout the span of human history. Some people will even argue that it is an economic necessity. But to today we are here to tell you that war can also be ridiculous. Hi, I'm Ben.
Noel
Hi, I'm Noel. Ben, are you a gamer? You a fair weather gamer like me?
Ben
A fair weather gamer? I've had some pretty intense gaming experiences, but I don't play video games every day. I don't play games.
Noel
That's right. They kicked you out of kindergarten because.
Ben
I don't play games.
Noel
But yeah, there's another good war. It never changes. That's the opening line for the Fallout games, which I'm a big fan of. And the point being that the war depicted in those games is a future, past, post apocalyptic nuclear war. But it never changes because it's all about the human cost and about the stuff that goes on on the ground and the way humans interact with each other. And in our story today, animals, yes.
Ben
Animals, of course we're referring to actual non human animals. But we like to be every show with a shout out to our favorite party animal, super producer Casey Pegram. So today we want to open the story with, as you said, Noel, a story of an animal. This is a little bit of a legend, but travel back with us to 494ce. There were two Arab tribes that were tangentially related, right?
Noel
Yeah. What the Dalib and the Bakar.
Ben
Perfect.
Noel
How do you like those pronunciations?
Ben
Hole in one, man.
Noel
Not bad.
Ben
Not bad. Not bad at all. Not bad at all.
Noel
Come at us, Internet.
Ben
Please come at us politely or with a sense of humor.
Noel
That's always good.
Ben
That's great. That goes a long way with us. So this happens in Arabia in the pre Islamic era. And supposedly the story starts when a woman named Al Bassos went to visit her niece, a woman named Jalila Bentmurra. Jalila, although she was a member of the Bakr tribe, this can be a little confusing. She was married to a guy named Kuleb who was the leader of a different tribe, the Taghleb tribe. Right?
Noel
That's right. He was apparently a real pill about, you know, ownership of stuff, which would have been a pretty common trait back in those days. I mean you gotta, you know, what's mine is mine. It's like a very Mad Max kind of world where you gotta protect your stuff or else you're going to get got.
Ben
Do you get gotten or do you go get Those are the choices.
Noel
Are you a go getter? Are you a get gotter?
Ben
Yeah. Right. And this guy, club as you said? No. He's a bit of a pill. He saw an unidentified camel in his territory and he shot it with an arrow. But he did not know that this camel was owned by a refugee who was under the protection of Al Bassos, the lady we mentioned earlier. Right. And the man's name was Saad bin Shams, I believe.
Noel
That sounds good.
Ben
Okay, great.
Noel
Quick question right up front. You see an unidentified camel, you know, a uc Nevermind. It feels like it needs it. It needs a third. One more letter. We don't know what that is. Why do you shoot it? Why don't you just wrangle it and take it?
Ben
Why would you?
Noel
A perfectly good ship of the desert.
Ben
I guess because you make bad decisions.
Noel
Well, that's a theme here for sure. So arrow is loosed into said camel. And owner of said camel, Al Bassous, wasn't having it.
Ben
Furious, she is livid. She is screaming, ranting and raving about this. She tells her nephew Josses that she has been personally humiliated. Jasus is also mad. He hears about it. He gets steamed too. And he goes to the leader of the Toglub tribe, this guy Kulyab. Right. And he kills him. He kills his brother in law.
Noel
Yikes. Oh man. And this essentially. No, it did.
Ben
Yeah.
Noel
Let's not hedge bets here. Triggered trigger, warning, war trigger. A war that lasted, as the legend goes, 40 years between these two tribes. And the idea of warring tribes in this part of the country, it remains to this day, does it not?
Ben
Yeah, it does. And what we see next after this confrontation and this murder is a series of increasingly terrible events. So one of Bakr's allies thinks that this is kind of dumb. We can't be killing real people over just one UC roaming around the desert. Urc. Unidentified roaming camel. What do you think?
Noel
I like it.
Ben
Okay, great.
Noel
I don't like it. It sucks. But I like the cut of your jib.
Ben
You like your camels identified. That's one thing I've always respected about you.
Noel
I do. But there's more bloodshed before we've triggered this 40. And this number 40 comes into play at least in the places we've read this. So there is another leader of the Toglab who is the brother of the leader who was kill the chieftain. Right. Can we use that term here? His name is Al Mohallal. Al Mohallal, I like that. And he wants to snip this in the bud, you know, let's do a truce. And there was, apparently, I'm reading this really great article that sums this up beautifully on revolvi.com, there was a tradition here that you would send one of your own, putting your bloodline at risk, you know, as an emissary, to make peace. So he sent his son Ojier to parlay with the Bakar and they killed him right away. This camel beef is intense.
Ben
That's good. I like that. Maybe it's because I'm hungry, but it was completely expected that when Ojier traveled to sue for peace, he would be forgiven because they were obeying the traditional rules and mores for this kind of situation. But Al Mulhah, as you said, completely broke, murdered Ojir. And then this is where the number 40 comes back into play, right? Because the father who is mourning this Al Harith Ibn Abad, recites a poem of 40 verses.
Noel
Yeah, he was the one that wasn't having it, that was like, come on guys, we can fix this. But now they've crossed the line, they've killed his son. He's just freeforming this misery poem. And it all becomes kind of part of the war. His men to shave their heads, to shave their horses manes and tails off. And now that becomes a tradition too, in Arabic culture. It's a sign of you grieving until you have gotten, here's the kicker here, revenge. Because we all know revenge is a sticky wicket because even when you get it or the perception of revenge, you don't really feel better. And it's something that you just kind of can go on seeking everywhere you see, you see it.
Ben
Yeah, well, I think it's true, you know, revenge is as damaging to the person seeking vengeance as it is to their target. Often this war, which continued, as we said, for 40 years, again over Urc, absolutely led to a massacre of the Taghlub tribe and almost ended the tribe altogether. The last few Taghlub, when they were still alive, the tribal leader we mentioned, the poet Al Harith IBN Abad, said his famous quote, I will not talk to Taghlub until Earth talks to me. In other words, never. Never.
Noel
Yeah. Because Earth don't talk.
Ben
Earth don't talk.
Noel
Nope. But yeah, the thing that's interesting about this and as it's a good set piece kind of to kick off this episode, is the term Basus war kind of became a stand in for a pointless and stupid war.
Ben
A pointless beef. Yes, there is a happy ending to basis war. Oh, yeah. The way the story goes. And again, this is a story is that when the Taghlub tribe thought it was going to be the end of days for them. In desperation, they dug a trench along a road where this Al Harith guy was passing by and a man from the tribe hid there in the trench. And while the guy was riding by, this member of the Taghlub tribe recited a poem asking for forgiveness and technically fulfilling the condition of the earth. Speaking to Al Harith.
Noel
Here's Trixie.
Ben
Here's the crazy thing. It worked and the war ended. It is very strange.
Noel
Okay.
Ben
Poetry seems to play a very powerful role here.
Noel
Well, here's the thing though too. As is the case for a lot of these larger than life historical accounts, there's more than a liberty taken. Right. You know, there's a great article from io9 called The 10 Most Insignificant wars in History, of which this is one in the list. And they're kind of asking how much of this is true. What they've discovered and we have confirmed and what we've read as well is that yeah, there most likely was a war in 494ce when stuff like this happened in this flavor. But this notion of a war lasting or this war lasting 40 years is probably a little bit overstating the case. Have you ever heard of any other wars that lasted 40 years, Ben? Wasn't there the little thing called the 40 Year War? Yeah.
Ben
Named in a burst of creativity.
Noel
Burst of creativity. We got 40 verses in this sadness poem.
Ben
One verse a year.
Noel
One verse a year. And then there's another story in this i9 article that's very similar from around the same time that talks about these two particular warring tribes. Because there were a lot of tribes. This was a tribal culture, right?
Ben
Right.
Noel
This was not just like a left and right situation. There were ton of these factions, you know. And another story talks about two tribes that went to war for 40 because they couldn't decide which had won a horse race.
Ben
And this is just the beginning. If you were a fan of our Weird People who Built Weird Stuff episode, which we still are receiving emails about, and thank you very much, then you are going to enjoy this grab bag. Today we are inspired to explore other wars that began for ridiculous reasons. And also along the way, we will help determine how much truth there is or how little truth there is to these stories. What do you got, Noel?
Noel
Well, I just wanna like backtrack a little bit or backpedal rather. I set up at the beginning of the show that a lot of these had to do with animals, which is very true, but also inanimate objects and severed body parts.
Ben
Yes, yeah, that's true.
Noel
Why don't you go first? Give us severed body parts.
Ben
You wanna go body parts?
Noel
Yeah. Yeah.
Ben
All right. O this is one that really stood out to me. There was a war between Great Britain and Spain that began in October 1739, and it eventually merged into the war of the Austrian secession. This war today is known as the war of Jenkins Ear.
Noel
Who is this Jenkins?
Ben
Oh, yes, Jenkins. Jenkins, Jenkins, the Welsh master mariner, Robert Jenkins, who is now slightly less famous than his own ear. So he was born around the 1730s, 40s. He was returning from a trading voyage in the West Indies in charge of a brig named Rebecca in 1731 when his ship was stopped and boarded by a privateer, a ship, the La Isabela, on suspicion of smuggling. And here's where the story gets into allegedly territory. The commander, La Isabela was a guy named Juan de Leon Fandinho, and he had Jenkins tied up to a mast. He sliced one of Jenkinson's ears off with his sword and then told him to tell the British king the same will happen to him if he's caught doing the same.
Noel
You know, this reminds me of. Reminds me of that scene in reservoir dogs where Mr. Blonde, played by Michael Madsen, is torturing the poor tied up police officer, undercover police officer, and he slices his ear off and he's dancing around at him with his severed ear and pours gasoline on him and all that stuff. Yeah. I wonder if that was inspired by the War of Jenkins Ear.
Ben
We can only hope. I would love it if in an interview later, Quentin Tarantino says, okay, the parrots out of the pouch, this parrots out of the purse or whatever. This is entirely my exploration of the war of Jenkins Ear. But it was a real thing. So he survives, Jenkins survives. And we should point out, it was his left ear, according to the story. There's another version of the story that was published in the Pennsylvania Gazette in 1731, same year. It was October, a few months after the event. And it says that it was actually a Spanish lieutenant known as Dorsey who cut off Jenkins's left ear. And then another Spanish crew member took it and tore it off, but then gave it back to him and said, take that to the king. Ew. I know, Grisly stuff.
Noel
Did we talk about the groundwork for this ear beef? What were they fighting for?
Ben
There was a lot of context already here.
Noel
Right, because this has got southern roots, doesn't it? Like our neck of the woods.
Ben
Yeah. Break it down a little bit.
Noel
Well, just that it was a conflict between land that was. The Spanish and English were at odds over in South Carolina and Florida. But this had been going on for, like, hundreds of years. Right?
Ben
Yeah.
Noel
And then you had the formal conflict starting in 1739. And this is. You know, Georgia had been founded as a colony by this point.
Ben
Right. Yeah. You can find an Excellent article on georgiancyclopedia.org about this by Julie Ann Sweet. And it really, I think, drives home the significance of this for colonial Georgia, because in a lot of these cases we're gonna see with these various wars, there might be one thing that happened that is a good story. And so we name the war after that. But there's almost always a ton of other context or other factors that have commingled and driven the two nations of conflict into an open war.
Noel
Yeah. The arrow that, you know, shot the she camel in the neck.
Ben
Right, right. Yeah. There we go. Exactly. A nice way to bring it back around, Noel. So, Robert Jenkins, we should also point out what he was doing when he was smuggling. He was also raiding Spanish ships. That's why he was being attacked and humiliated. But he did not die after they. After they let him go. With or without giving him his ear, which remains a subject of debate today. He made it back to Britain, and in June of the same year, he told the King about what happened. He gave a deposition that was passed to the Duke of Newcastle, who at that time was the secretary for the Southern colonies, so in charge of Georgia as well. And he said that the Spanish captain, quote, took hold of his left ear with his cutlass, slit it down, and then another of the Spaniards took hold of it and tore it off, but gave him the piece of his ear again.
Noel
What do you think it would sound like to have your ear ripped off?
Ben
It's probably like a wet, lower sound, actually. Yeah, like a. No, no, it's wetter than that.
Noel
I think it would also start low and then go high. No, it might rip. It might go the other way around because as you're losing the hear, I don't know.
Ben
And then you scream.
Noel
You definitely scream.
Ben
Oh. And what would it sound like to you?
Noel
Wow. That's what I mean. That's what I mean. To you. To you.
Ben
In your own ear.
Noel
In your own ear hole. That would be all that was left. We have gotten grisly with this, my friends.
Ben
I think that's very interesting from a scientific perspective.
Noel
Yeah. Let us know what you think. You ever had your ear Torn off.
Ben
Yeah. Don't do it. Just for this.
Noel
No.
Ben
Please let us know. So after this, there's another myth here. You'll hear claims that in 1738, just before the war formally begins, Jenkins tells his story in an embellished version before members of the House of Commons. And then partway through the story, check this out. He pulls out a jar where he's got his pickled ear.
Noel
Ew.
Ben
Yeah. I think that's so weird. There's no proof, though.
Noel
Well, do you think. Because in those days, if something like that happened, do you think there was any hope that you'd ever get it reattached? Was it pretty much just like it's done, right? Yeah, it's done. No way. The best you can do is put it in a jar to show people.
Ben
At Buddies if it's still. If it's still, like, partially attached. Depending on how it was cut.
Noel
Yeah.
Ben
It would be possible maybe to sew it back together and hope for the best.
Noel
Right. But chances are it would just rot. It would like. It would. It would not. Yeah.
Ben
Yeah. Write to us if you just ripped your ear off and then sewed it back, tell us what it sounds like.
Noel
With medical science, you know, they can help you out.
Ben
Back in.
Noel
These days, the jar was about the best you could hope for. You keep it on the nightstand, you use it as a table setting piece. It's an icebreaker, you know, Good conversation starter. Yeah, but what was the results? Here's the thing, too, about these wars. Again, so much context, so much conflict. You get a name like this attached to something because it's got chutzpah, you know, it gives it a sense of grandiosity or whatever.
Ben
It's got legs, it's got.
Noel
Well, yeah, or ears.
Ben
Yeah, if you have one ear.
Noel
But what was the outcome?
Ben
So eventually, whether or not he actually appeared with his severed ear in front of the House, House of Commons, the Parliament begins pushing the King to seek compensation, redress, apologies from Spain, which is.
Noel
Gonna be a theme in many of these conflicts. I don't think we got into it with the camel situation, but I bet you there was. Maybe they were so incensed, there wasn't even discussion of pay me for the loss of my camel. It was much more based on just sheer outrage and the principles.
Ben
And they tried to send Auterre, too. Yeah, it's a shame, but. So they did attempt diplomacy, but by 1739, that was clearly not going to be a viable path. So King George said in July 10, he told his admiralty board to start, quote, initiating reprisals against space.
Gabe Leonors
Have you ever looked into the night sky and wondered who or what was flying around up there? We've seen planes, helicopters, hot air balloons, and birds. But what if there's something else, something much more ominous that appears under the COVID of night? Silent, unseen, Watching. They may be right above your car late one night as you cruise down the road. Or look like mysterious lights hovering above your home. Drones. Or are they?
Noel
We used the word drone because it was comfortable to other people.
Ben
One minute was there and one minute it wasn't. Oh, that is beyond creepy.
Gabe Leonors
Do you feel like this drone was targeting you? You specifically?
Noel
Yes, absolutely.
Gabe Leonors
Listen to Obscurum Invasion of the Drones on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Os Velozian
Why does the Godfather of AI warn that the very thing he helped create now has a 10 to 20% chance of leading to human extinction in the next three decades? And what did he learn from losing his wife to cancer about how to approach the future of AI? I'm Osvar Loschin, host of Tech Stuff, and I'm so excited to share this memorable and intimate conversation with Nobel laureate Geoffrey Hinton. Listen to Tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Maria Tremarki
Welcome to the Criminalia podcast. I'm Maria Tremarke.
Holly Fry
And I'm Holly Fry. Together, we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.
Maria Tremarki
Each season we explore a new theme, everything from poisoners and pirates to art thieves and snake oil products and those who made and sold them.
Holly Fry
We uncover the stories and secrets of some of history's most compelling criminal figures, including a man who built a submarine as a getaway vehicle. Yep, that's a fact.
Maria Tremarki
We also look at what kinds of societal forces were at play at the time of the crime, from legal injustices to the ethics of body snatching, to see what that, if anything, might look different through today's perspective.
Holly Fry
And be sure to tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in custom made cocktails and mocktails inspired by the stories. There's one for every story we tell.
Maria Tremarki
Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Santi Damian
Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here?
Ben
Ow. Go slower.
Santi Damian
I met Santi at a luau party in October.
Noel
I'm Santi Damian. Oh, it was bizarre.
Gabe Leonors
The guy just disappeared one day.
Santi Damian
Santi has been missing ever since the hookup. What is that? I'm solving a mystery through sex and haven't made a private dick joke until now. Like, no matter how hard I try, all roads lead to the hookup.
Noel
You think it's causing people to turn aggro? I'm gonna rip your arms off and use them to.
Santi Damian
Yeah, that's a word for it. This is such terrible representation. I'm so sorry. Poppers.
Ben
These aren't just any poppers.
Santi Damian
Mama always used to say God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex. No, my psychiatrist didn't laugh at that one either. Listen to the hookup on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Noel
So at this point, the governor of the British colony of Georgia, James Oglethorpe, got involved and he amassed some forces and went into Florida, took down some Spanish forts. We've got your Fort Picolata and you got your Fort San Francisco di Popo. Pupo. I'm gonna go with Pupo. P U p O. Okay, I'm gonna go with that. And yeah, went into parts of Florida, St. Augustine, along the St. John's River. And again, fantastic information coming from Georgia Encyclopedia.org and his aim was to cut off supplies to the Spanish and, you know, kind of head them off at the pass and get those supplies from the forts. Then the Spanish are gonna arrive the forces that were deployed in this situation. And that's kind of what his whole strategy was there.
Ben
Right, right. And denying access to resources is a tried and true method of warfare.
Noel
But I guess for whatever reason, it didn't quite work out the way he wanted.
Ben
No.
Noel
And he ended up having to kind of take a step back and just seeing where the pieces fe when the Spanish finally did show up and invade.
Ben
Mm. And that happened in the summer of 1742. Spanish forces landed on the tip of St. Simon's Island. They got together to attack.
Noel
Just the tip?
Ben
Just the tip. They got together to attack Fort Frederica. No relation to our longtime friend Matt Frederick. Or maybe there is.
Noel
You don't know.
Ben
We have to check. So Oglethorpe was already having a problem with organizing his army. I believe he had a lot of diverse commanders and the siege that he had attempted didn't work because he could not coordinate the naval and land based assaults. But as soon as the English forces got word of the Spanish parties arriving, I think they found a scouting party. Oglethorpe aggressively led a charge against the Spanish. And what did they do?
Noel
Well, I got one for you. Ben, a question. Yeah. What's the difference between a battle And a skirmish.
Ben
A battle and a skirmish. You know, I don't know whether there is a technical, hard and fast difference.
Noel
It's like the difference between a fight versus a scrap.
Ben
Yeah, right, right. Or an argument versus a spat.
Noel
A tiff, perhaps. Yeah, I think that's what it is.
Ben
So I would imagine, if we're just speculating. I think you can go with me on this. If we're just speculating, I would imagine that a skirmish is probably lower in terms of number of people injured and number of people killed. You know what I mean? It's like shots fired.
Noel
Well, my friend Webster describes a skirmish as an episode of irregular or unpremeditated fighting, especially between small or outlying parts of armies or fleets.
Ben
So ships in the night, they bump into each other.
Noel
Not the big show.
Ben
Yeah. And they go, holy smokes. Kill. It's them.
Noel
Yeah, exactly. And they freak out. And then people die.
Ben
Half the people scream kill, half the people scream, run.
Noel
And, you know, I'm sure we know this, too. You can use skirmish as a verb. You can. You know, there's skirmishing.
Ben
Mm. Yes, yes. And also this is American English, which I love because it means we can use almost anything as a verb. We can say that you got jenkinsed or you jenkinsed that.
Noel
So for our purposes here, we're not a military history deep dive show. The point being is that all of this. All of these skirmishes and battles and fracases and tiffs and what have you, and deaths all resulted from a smuggler being kind of tortured, Mr. Blonde style.
Ben
The story of a smuggler, that's the thing.
Noel
Right. Because the story is way cooler, because I'm already kind of getting a little snoozed out going through every little detail.
Ben
But the stories are important in that they are the easiest way to motivate a population. Ultimately, if we fast forward a bit, the end of this war occurs at the Treaty of Aix La Chapelle in 1748, and it returns all the colonial claims to the previous owners. And the two nations unofficially agree on the border between Georgia and Florida. And they name it, they say, the St. John River. St. John's river, rather. And because of this war, because of Oglethorpe's actions, and because, at least in some aspect, because a guy named Robert Jenkins got his ear cut off, Georgia remained an English possession. So, you know, if somebody. If your friend gets their ear cut off, don't feel like you have to wage war over it.
Noel
Yeah. Don't go crying over sliced ears.
Ben
Yeah, that's.
Noel
Or you cry. I'd cry. I don't know if it was my ear or the ear of a loved one.
Ben
I would go into, like, deep meditation techniques to try to not feel it until I got to a hospital or bandaged it up.
Noel
I think what sets these stories not apart at all, what puts them together, what joins them, is that it's these kind of simple acts that have the power to push humans in positions to create huge, horrible, long lasting consequences and conflicts to their limits. And they get it done. But as you say, we've talked about this constantly with these powder keg moments in history. You always hear about the moment, but then the details are always there, the context is always there.
Ben
And we find the moment retroactively. Too often we have somebody who looks back when they're writing about an event that occurred hundreds of years ago and they go, oh, it's cause of that. It's because of that fart. That's when it was. But we have more examples. And Noel, you found one that really fascinated me.
Noel
All right, well, I had two. One about an inanimate object and one about an animal. Which one would you like to hear?
Ben
Oh, man. Okay, let's go to the inanimate object. And then because it'd be nice to circle back with the animal.
Noel
Yeah, okay, I'm down with that. The inanimate object in question, my friend, is a bucket.
Ben
A bucket.
Noel
A bucket.
Ben
Could I ask you just. This is the honest question. Is this thing gonna end up being called the Bucket War?
Noel
Yeah. Or the War of the Buckets, or, you know, the Skirmish of the Pale.
Ben
I love it.
Noel
Okay, yeah, whatever. But this one was pretty gnarly, you know, as was the. We didn't talk about deaths in the Jenkins Ear War.
Ben
A lot of people died. It's very tragic.
Noel
I figured as much. And I didn't mean cool like the cool they died. It's meant like cool. We got that out.
Ben
We admitted that war is tragic.
Noel
People die. It's heck, as you say. Is that an acronym? What is heck? Is it a good, good, good, clean Christian boy Stand in for the other word?
Ben
Yep, yep.
Noel
Which we can say on this show. This is a PG13 show.
Ben
I know, but I like saying heck.
Noel
I know. It's very endearing.
Ben
Thank you.
Noel
So the Bucket War.
Ben
The Bucket War. When did this happen?
Noel
Well, it was in 1325. And this also involves clashes between. Let's call them clans, I guess, for lack of a better. No, it's fine. We don't need a better one. We're gonna go with clans.
Ben
Family. Family Communities. Right. Or they're bonded through a biological relationship.
Noel
Right. This is. Right. This is correct. And, you know, in medieval society, family was everything. Right. And you would organize around family, and it was all about your house and, you know, the. You know. And I'm just using Game of Thrones rules here, but I'm pretty sure that was all based on our boy George. RR Martin did his homework, so we didn't have to.
Ben
Yeah.
Noel
We just didn't check out his audio books. You need to finish those books, though, George. Come on, man. The show's gonna. Out there.
Ben
It's never coming out.
Noel
It's not happening.
Ben
It's never coming out.
Noel
Yeah. So this particular clash of clans was between the Ghibellines and the Gelfs.
Ben
These sound like made up Doctor who. Aliens.
Noel
Yeah, the Gelfs. Maybe it was Gelflings, but that was in the Dark Crystal, I think the.
Ben
Little puppet guys and the bad guys were the Sleestacks.
Noel
That was close. They were the Skeksis.
Ben
Skeksis.
Noel
What a Slee. Sleestacks.
Ben
Sleestacks are from Land of the Lost. Do you remember that show?
Noel
Oh, yeah. The dinosaur season kind of thing where it was like time travel. They accidentally stepped through a portal into the Land of the Lost. Yeah.
Ben
And it's always explained in the theme song.
Noel
Oh, I love it.
Ben
I love it. They're like, we were in a boat, and then you're living in Land of the Lost. Yeah. Their Sleestacks were evil creatures who had evolved to anthropomorphoid forms from reptiles.
Noel
Okay, okay. Well, there's none of that in this particular conflict. This is strictly human. No reptilians or weird little elf people fashioned by the Jim Henson studio.
Ben
But buckets, right?
Noel
Definitely buckets. So here's the thing. I might need a little help from you with this. Cause these are always just like a bit of a mind. A mind frack. You've got these warring sides that support different head honchos of God, right?
Ben
Ah, yes.
Noel
So we've got the Holy Roman Emperor, Frederick Barbossa, who was also the king of Germany. And then you have the Pope, right?
Ben
Yeah. Yeah. You specifically have Pope John 22.
Noel
All this began or kicked off in earnest, or this conflict in the region when the Holy Roman Emperor Frederick Barbossa invaded Italy. And he did this with what he believed was God's blessing as, like, crowning him for all intents and purposes, as God's conduit on Earth. But that didn't fly super well with others who believed that the Pope was the only one that was crowned with God's conduitness.
Ben
And that was the normal thing, right?
Noel
That was the normal thing.
Ben
That was the established norm. And you were telling me that the Guelphs and the Ghibellines were on different sides of this.
Noel
That is absolutely correct. Because you see, the Ghibellines supported the Emperor, the Holy Roman Emperor in this conflict, and the Guelphs supported the Pope. And Italy was just a loose agglomeration. You taught me that word, Ben, and I'm gonna keep using it. Of these little city states, kind of. And like the story we talked about with the Albasus war and honestly, with Jenkins Ear, you've got these folks that think they own the border. Like, if you're at a border area, you're like, no, this is mine. Because there's no official lines. It's probably based on some geographical thing, but that's all up for debate, especially when you start beefing with each other. And so eventually Frederick was ousted. They kicked him out. He was done. You know, the Pope ultimately reigned supreme in these early disagreements, but that did not mean that there were not sympathizers that remained. So he kind of had his ultimate fu moment by leaving the country kind of completely divided. Right. So you still have these warring city states and then you had these opposing, you know, groups. I think it's the Pope who is the direct communicator with God. I think it's the Holy Roman Emperor. Now we fight.
Ben
And it's complicated because with these shifting borders for these city states, one state could largely support the Holy Roman Emperor and one state could largely support the Pope. And the problem is that these could be very close together, especially in the example of Modena and Bologna. Right?
Noel
Yes. And I think at the top of this section, I mentioned that this took place in Castello de Cerval and in the region that is Emilia Romagna. That's what it would be referred to as today. At the time of this story, they were, as you say, Ben Modinha and Bologna.
Ben
And those are barely 30 miles apart, maybe around 30, 31 miles apart. So tensions are always going to be high. They're virtually adjacent to each other. It seems like an unsustainable situation. I'm just guessing.
Noel
And here we are back with a lot of skirmishes, because they're not going to be full all out wars. They're just going to be little conflicts between folks standing on opposite sides of the particular borders. And this bucket war, here we go, is just such an event. Right.
Ben
So they're raiding farms and they're burning.
Noel
Fields, Just generally thumbing the nose at the opposition, you know, and just kind of trying to mess them up because they fundamentally disagree with what, everything they stand for. And yet they're somehow neighbors. Right.
Ben
Okay. All right.
Gabe Leonors
Have you ever looked into the night sky and wondered who or what was flying around up there? We've seen planes, helicopters, hot air balloons, and birds. But what if there's something else, something much more ominous that appears under the COVID of night, Silent, unseen, watching. They may be right above your car late one night as you cruise down the road. Or look like mysterious lights hovering above your home. Drones. Or are they?
Noel
We used the word drone because it was coming to other people.
Ben
One minute was there and one minute it wasn't. Oh, that is beyond creepy.
Gabe Leonors
Do you feel like this drone was targeting you specifically?
Noel
Yes, absolutely.
Gabe Leonors
Listen to Obscurum. Invasion of the Drones on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Os Velozian
Why did the godfather of AI warn that the very thing he helped create now has a 10 to 20% chance of leading to human extinction in the next three decades? And what did he learn from losing his wife to cancer about how to approach the future of AI? I'm Osvaloshin, host of Tech Stuff, and I'm so excited to share this memorable and intimate conversation with Nobel laureate Geoffrey Hinton. Listen to Tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Maria Tremarki
Welcome to the Criminalia Podcast. I'm Maria Tremarke.
Holly Fry
And I'm Holly Fry. Together, we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.
Maria Tremarki
Each season we explore a new theme. Everything from poisoners and pirates to art thieves and snake oil products and those who made and sold them.
Holly Fry
We uncover the stories and secrets of some of history's most compelling criminal figures, including a man who built a submarine as a getaway vehicle. Yep, that's a fact.
Maria Tremarki
We also look at what kinds of societal forces were at play at the time of the crime, from legal injustices to the ethics of body snatching, to see what, if anything, might look different through today's perspective.
Holly Fry
And be sure to tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in custom made cocktails and mocktails inspired by the stories. There's one for every story we tell.
Maria Tremarki
Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Santi Damian
Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here?
Ben
Ow. Go Slower.
Santi Damian
I met Santi at a luau party in October.
Noel
I'm Santi.
Santi Damian
Damian.
Noel
Oh, it was bizarre.
Gabe Leonors
The guy just disappeared one day.
Santi Damian
Santi has been missing ever since. Sense the hookup. What is that? I'm solving a mystery through sex and haven't made a private dick joke until now. Like, no matter how hard I try, all roads lead to the hookup.
Noel
You think it's causing people to turn aggro? I'm gonna rip your arms off and use them to.
Santi Damian
Yeah, that's a word for it. This is such terrible representation. I'm so sorry, Poppers.
Noel
These aren't just in.
Santi Damian
Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex. No, not my psychiatrist didn't laugh at that one either. Listen to the hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Noel
So, Ben, as you say in 1325, we've got these, what, little mini fights? These skirmishes.
Ben
Fightlets.
Noel
Oh, yes, we're going with that. That's the. And they just keep happening. And then things keep escalating. Then finally, in July, you've got some of these Bolognese. I can't say that without getting hungry.
Ben
And thinking about, you know, what delicious pasta. We have our computers up today, and I want to confess to you and everyone listening, fellow ridiculous historians, when we started saying Bolognese, I may have googled Bolognese recipe and started planning what to make for dinner.
Noel
Well, maybe. You know what? Maybe we can bump that right on up to lunch. Cause there's a lovely pasta place downstairs, and we've been at it a long time. Today we owe it to ourselves. Let's treat ourselves. It's Friday anyway, though, as you say, slaughtering folks, burning fields, just making a mess, looting and polluting, all that stuff. And they end up taking a bunch of stuff back with them over the border. They keep doing this. They're just doing a lot of damage. Really, really, really wrecking. And then in September, you got some revenge being exacted because some of these troops were captured. And, you know, the Modanese had had it. So in under cover of dark, the Modenese soldiers, or a group of them, they snuck across the border into the city center, and next to something called the San Felice Gate, where they found an oaken bucket filled with loot, with.
Ben
Booty that belonged to Modena originally.
Noel
Plunder. That's right. And said bucket was nabbed, was nicked. They took it and put it under their arms and ran back and Showed it off in their city center for all of the Modanese to see.
Ben
Right. And for the residents of Bologna to see as well. So the people at Bologna are furious and they say, give us back that bucket. They better have that stuff we stole earlier in it too. It is pretty hypocritical that they were angry that something they had stolen had just been restolen.
Noel
Yeah, it's pretty petty and childlike behavior. But again, we're seeing that with all these stories. So that's kind of. They demanded the return of the bucket. I guess they were more concerned about the booty. But I haven't seen specifically what it was. I'm imagining it's maybe coin plundered from. I'm just picturing like role playing games where all the money is just in sacks that are just littered around the place.
Ben
Emeralds or something.
Noel
You just kind of step on it and then you hear a cha ching sound and then it shows up in your inventory.
Ben
You know what? It probably. I can tell you what it probably wasn't. It probably was not a religious artifact or a reliquary, because then the war would have been named after that instead of the bush. So this is probably just like straight up cash money or fine clothing.
Noel
Yeah. And speaking of which, that's when this particular conflict began in earnest. On November 15th of 1325, a guy by the name of Malatestino del Ocho, who was the Lord of Rimini, led his people, the Bolognese, and any allies they had been able to amass to besiege the city state of Modena and get that bucket back.
Ben
So ridiculous, man. So they were met by a pretty strong resistance. Soldiers from Modena, Mantua and Ferrara, as well as some Germans sent by our boy, the Holy Roman Emperor, Frederick. Yeah, Frederick himself.
Noel
That's right. But not to be bested. The pope in question, XXIII, he sent 30,000. So they were vastly outnumbered.
Ben
Yeah. And that's an additional couple thousand knights on horseback. So what we're seeing happen here is a proxy war essentially over a bucket that again, in defense of the bucket, was not empty. So the Modenese, as you said, Noel, were pretty well outnumbered.
Noel
Yeah. Where they have like 6,000 troops, I think a combination of foot soldiers and hors as well. And yeah, they went at it.
Ben
And despite those numbers, they really kicked some solid tickets.
Noel
Absolutely. Yeah. They did something that read where they disrupted. It's called a route. They disrupted the activities and the organization of the larger army. That's the thing, right?
Ben
Yeah.
Noel
A smaller force. You can get outnumbered, but it's a little easier to control maybe, and keep everybody and check you're nimble. And the larger force, if you can disrupt their communications with this thing called a route, you can cause chaos in their ranks and they're not going to know which way is up.
Ben
Absolutely. And I think that's a very important point, especially for this story. So the Modenese succeeded, but this was a bloody conflict by this point. Right?
Noel
Yeah, I think we had. We lost about 2,000 on both sides, which I would have just thought it would have just been a total bloodbath from. The Pope led 30,000, 32,000, you know, against the. Only 7,000. But only about 2,000 lives were lost on both sides. But that's pretty insane. That's a lot of. That's a lot of people.
Ben
Yeah.
Noel
Over a bucket.
Ben
Yeah. So that's my next big question that's burning in my mind. First, what happened after this? Did the war end? And even more importantly, what happened to the bucket?
Noel
Yeah, the war did eventually end. It raged on until 1529, when we've got Charles of Spain, the first, that is, who by that point became a Holy Roman Emperor. That's a thing. You can inherit that, I guess.
Ben
But I feel like Brad Pitt's character at the end of seven, I keep going, what's in the bucket?
Noel
Yeah. Oh, well, we don't. I don't know, I think that's lost to time. Cause now the bucket does remain in its just bucket form and you can see it in Modena and it's at the Tora della Girolandina. And that's just like, I guess a mock up of it. Right? Okay, yeah, yeah, just, you know, to commemorate the day. And the real one, though, you can find at the Palazzo Communal.
Ben
Even today, the modern day, I believe so. That's so cool.
Noel
I think so. Book your tickets now.
Ben
Book your bucket tickets. I've never been so into a bucket.
Noel
What if somebody had that bucket on their bucket list?
Ben
There we go.
Noel
What if a bucket list was just a list of famous buckets that you had to see before you died?
Ben
I was thinking the same thing, you mind reader. Let's make a bucket list. I wanna find more famous buckets in history.
Noel
So huge props to Shahan Russell War History Online for the bloodiest medieval war was fought because of a bucket. Because I pilfered heavily from that article for this one. But it's a fun story. Fun. That's not the right word for it, but it's a ridiculous story because it just goes to show how the simplest things and the pettiest interactions can lead to serious bloodshed.
Ben
It's kind of like that old line where if you already decided that you don't, don't like someone, whatever they do is just going to make you not like them. Still. It doesn't matter how innocuous it is. And that applies to states and nations that want to go to war. If they need a causes ballet or they need a reason to go to war, they can just find one. Oh man. Okay, everyone off air. We checked what time we were at and we got so into this that. Noel, do you realize we've been fascinated by buckets, ears and camels for like an hour?
Noel
Oh my.
Ben
Bucket, ears and camels. Oh my.
Noel
I'm fine with that though. You know, we gave them their due and there's just one that we're gonna. I think we're gonna leave on the table. So once again we kind of over prepared but I guess it's better than under delivering. Sure, that's what I always say.
Ben
Yeah.
Noel
So yeah, we got two that we're leaving on the table but maybe we'll just turn those into episodes of their own because each one of these could have really been an episode on their own.
Ben
That's. That's true.
Noel
Except the camel one.
Ben
I guess it depends on how much we want to learn about pre Islamic tribal relations and the biology of camels. But that is.
Noel
Can you milk a camel?
Ben
Yeah, you can. You can milk a camel.
Noel
Okay.
Ben
Is it going to be worth it? I don't know.
Noel
I don't know.
Ben
Did you know you can milk pigs too?
Noel
I mean I've seen, you know, you always see the little piglets suckling on the big. The big sow. So I'm assuming that. Yeah, I just. You don't hear about. Hear about pig milk though.
Ben
No, no. I think we used it once in a story on a different show just because it's such a weird term. But we digress and yes, that is part of the nature of ridiculous history. Today we are going to wrap it up. Stay tuned for possible future explanations of the two ridiculous wars we did not get to today. In the meantime, we of course always want to hear from you. Let us know your favorite ridiculous cause of a conflict, a skirmish or a war. You can do it in any number of ways. We are all over the Internet. You can find us on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and of course one of our favorite places online, ridiculous historians.
Noel
Yeah, it's true. We actually just recorded a future episode that features a lot of the amazing humans on that community page. So if you want to be a part of that and get in on the fun, you can go to Ridiculous Historians on Facebook and at to be a member. Unless you're like clearly an awful person, we'll let you know. You all are welcome.
Ben
And again, just to be completely, completely clear, do not cut off your ears.
Noel
No, yeah, don't do a Van Gogh. Just don't do it even to make your point. Just not worth it.
Ben
And we want to of course thank our super producer Casey Pegram. We want to thank Alex Williams, who composed this track.
Noel
We'd also like to thank Christopher Haciotes, who I had a good old time with on the Louie Louie episode hanging out with in person. And I think listeners did as well for being our a number one super bad plus research guy. We really appreciate it a lot and he kind of helped kick us off down this road of ridiculous conflicts.
Ben
And of course thank you, specifically you. This show does not exist without you. So feel free to like our show on your various platforms of choice. And if you're feeling cheap, leave us a review. It always makes our day.
Noel
It really does. And yeah, as I just teased a minute ago, next time we will be exploring some really, really cool stuff that was pitched on our Ridiculous Historians page. And I think there's a lot to like and chew on in that one. So we hope you'll join us then and we will see you next time. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Gabe Leonors
What would you do if mysterious drones appeared over your hometown? I started asking questions. What do you remember happening on that night of December 16th?
Noel
It actually rotated around our house, looking as if it was peering in each window of our home.
Gabe Leonors
I'm Gabe Leonors from Imagine I Heart Podcasts and Leonhars Entertainment. Listen to Obscurum indeed Invasion of the Drones wherever you get your favorite podcasts.
Os Velozian
Why does the Godfather of AI warn that the very thing he helped create now has a 10 to 20% chance of leading to human extinction in the next three decades? And what did he learn from losing his wife to cancer about how to approach the future of AI? I'm Osvaloshin, host of Tech Stuff, and I'm so excited to share this memorable and and intimate conversation with Nobel Laureate Geoffrey Hinton. Listen to Tech stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Maria Tremarki
Welcome to the Criminalia Podcast.
Holly Fry
I'm Maria Tremarki and I'm Holly Fry. Together we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime.
Maria Tremarki
Each season we explore a new theme, from poisoners to art thieves.
Holly Fry
We uncover the secrets of history's most interesting figures, from legal injustices to body snack watching.
Maria Tremarki
And tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in cocktails and mocktails inspired by each story.
Holly Fry
Listen to criminalia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Noel
Catch Jon Stewart back in action on the Daily show and in your ears with the Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment to the unique voices of correspondence and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners like in depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Ridiculous History: CLASSIC - Weird Wars Fought For Dumb Reasons
Release Date: February 20, 2025 | Host: Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown | Produced by iHeartPodcasts
In this classic episode of Ridiculous History, hosts Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown delve into some of the most absurd conflicts in human history—wars ignited by seemingly trivial or downright ridiculous reasons. Skipping over advertisements and non-content segments, Ben and Noel focus solely on the intriguing tales that showcase the bizarre triggers behind prolonged hostilities.
The episode kicks off with a legendary tale from 494 CE, involving two Arab tribes—the Dalib and the Bakr. The conflict began over an incident involving an unidentified camel. Ben humorously poses a riddle to Noel, highlighting the absurdity of the cause:
Ben (04:00): "Each was at some point responsible for starting a war. So why don't we dive into this classic episode about weird wars that were fought for stupid reasons."
Key Events:
Notable Insight: The hosts emphasize how revenge fueled the war, noting:
Noel (10:32): "Because revenge is a sticky wicket because even when you get it or the perception of revenge, you don't really feel better."
Conclusion of the Story: The war eventually concluded with the help of poetry and strategic deception, demonstrating how even the most irrational conflicts can find resolution through unexpected means.
Transitioning to the 18th century, Ben introduces the infamous War of Jenkins' Ear between Great Britain and Spain. This conflict was famously sparked by the mutilation of Robert Jenkins, a Welsh mariner.
Key Events:
Noel (19:12): "I think that's very interesting from a scientific perspective."
Diplomatic Fallout: Jenkins's account, whether embellished or true, was leaked to the British House of Commons, fueling anti-Spanish sentiment and leading to broader military engagements.
Insight: Ben reflects on how individual acts of brutality can serve as pretexts for larger geopolitical conflicts:
Ben (21:22): "If your friend gets their ear cut off, don't feel like you have to wage war over it."
Noel brings the discussion to the 14th century, focusing on the bizarre Bucket War between the Ghibellines and Guelphs in Emilia-Romagna, Italy. This war was ignited over the theft and recapturing of a simple bucket, highlighting the pettiness that can underlie serious conflicts.
Key Events:
Noel (48:25): "You can get outnumbered, but it's a little easier to control maybe, and keep everybody and check you're nimble."
Outcome: The Treaty of Aix La Chapelle in 1748 ended the conflict, restoring colonial claims and solidifying borders. However, the legacy of the Bucket War remains a testament to how trivial disputes can spiral into extensive bloodshed.
Notable Reflection: Ben muses on the absurdity of the conflict:
Ben (49:24): "Book your bucket tickets. I've never been so into a bucket."
Throughout the episode, Ben and Noel explore the recurring theme of how minor incidents can escalate into major conflicts. They discuss the psychological and societal factors that drive communities and nations to stretch small grievances into prolonged wars.
Key Takeaways:
Noel (32:16): "They get it done. But as you say, we've talked about this constantly with these powder keg moments in history."
Ben and Noel wrap up the episode by reflecting on the absurdity and tragedy of these wars, emphasizing the lessons to be learned about conflict resolution and the human propensity for escalation. They humorously acknowledge their fascination with trivial war causes and tease future episodes that will continue to explore similarly bizarre historical events.
Noel (50:51): "We gave them their due and there's just one that we're gonna. I think we're gonna leave on the table."
This episode of Ridiculous History masterfully combines engaging storytelling with insightful analysis, shedding light on how some of the most ridiculous wars in history were ignited by surprisingly trivial causes. Through humor and historical anecdotes, Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown encourage listeners to reflect on the underlying factors that drive human conflict, no matter how absurd the trigger may seem.
Notable Quotes:
For more fascinating dives into the absurdities of history, tune into Ridiculous History on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or your preferred podcast platform.