How The (English) Alphabet Became A Thing, Part One: Writing Stuff Down Is A Bonkers Idea

Summary

Ridiculous History Podcast Summary

Episode Title: How The (English) Alphabet Became A Thing, Part One: Writing Stuff Down Is A Bonkers Idea
Release Date: December 10, 2024
Hosts: Ben Bullen and Noel Brown
Produced by: iHeartRadio

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1. Introduction to the English Alphabet

Timestamp: [00:00 – 02:55]

Ben Bullen and Noel Brown kick off the episode by celebrating the English language and its complexity. Ben marvels at language as a cornerstone of advanced human society, intertwining it with the "bonkers idea of writing stuff down." He poetically describes language as a blend of "time travel, teleportation, telepathy and necromancy all tied up in one thoroughly ridiculous bow."

Notable Quote:

Ben Bullen [00:57]: "Language is something like time travel, teleportation, telepathy and necromancy all tied up in one thoroughly ridiculous bow."

Noel echoes the sentiment, emphasizing the evolutionary nature of language and its dependency on human interaction over time. They set the stage for exploring the development of the English alphabet, hinting at its "paradoxical pyratic mixtape" of sounds and symbols.

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2. Understanding the Alphabet

Timestamp: [06:08 – 09:58]

The hosts delve into the fundamental purpose of an alphabet. Noel explains that an alphabet is essentially a set of "pictures, pictographs" designed to represent the phonemic structure of a language—each symbol corresponds to a specific sound. This system allows for the construction of words and the communication of complex ideas.

Notable Quote:

Noel Brown [06:08]: "At its most basic level, all an Alphabet is is a set of... drawings, characters... designed to represent the phonemic structure of a language."

Ben adds that the alphabet not only represents individual sounds but also their contextual relationships within words, underscoring the sophistication of written language.

---

3. Evolution of Writing Systems

Timestamp: [09:20 – 13:56]

Ben and Noel explore the historical trajectory of writing systems, categorizing them into logograms, syllabaries, and alphabets. They highlight that writing began primarily for practical purposes like accounting and gradually evolved to capture spoken language's nuances.

James Wright's Insights: The hosts reference James Wright from the International Encyclopedia of Social and Behavioral Sciences, who outlines the evolution of cuneiform writing from clay tokens to pictographic signs used for accounting, eventually incorporating phonetic elements to represent individual names and beyond.

Notable Quote:

Noel Brown [10:30]: "The cuneiform script... was very, very first to the party, the language party."

This evolution marks a significant leap from simple record-keeping to the ability to express a wide range of thoughts and ideas, laying the groundwork for the development of the alphabet.

---

4. The Phoenician Influence

Timestamp: [19:53 – 21:58]

The conversation shifts to the Phoenicians, who developed one of the earliest widely used alphabetic systems. Noel describes the Phoenician alphabet as consisting of 22 consonants, which spread across the Mediterranean region.

Notable Quote:

Noel Brown [19:53]: "Building on this foundation created by our ancient predecessors, the very first widely used Alphabet adjacent Ish esque thing was developed by Semitic peoples, the Phoenicians."

This adoption and adaptation by various cultures set the stage for future enhancements and the inclusion of vowels.

---

5. The Greek Contribution

Timestamp: [20:49 – 23:42]

Ben elaborates on how the Greeks revolutionized the Phoenician alphabet by introducing vowels, transforming it into the first true alphabet that included both vowels and consonants. This addition made the script more adaptable and melodious.

Notable Quote:

Ben Bullen [20:49]: "That's the creation of the first, true Alphabet, meaning both vowels and consonants are explicit symbols in a single script."

He humorously notes the Greeks' efforts to tailor the alphabet to their phonetic needs, leading to fragmentation and the creation of various alphabet variants.

---

6. The Roman Adaptation

Timestamp: [23:42 – 27:10]

The Romans, known for their penchant for borrowing and modifying, adopted the Greek alphabet, adding letters like F and S from the Etruscan civilization. This adaptation eventually shaped the Latin alphabet, which closely resembles the modern English alphabet by the 3rd century CE.

Notable Quote:

Ben Bullen [22:30]: "By about the 3rd century CE, the Roman Alphabet started to look very similar to what we would call modern English."

He highlights the intertwined history of letters like V and U, which were originally considered a single letter until relatively recent times, adding a layer of complexity to the reading of ancient texts.

---

7. The Anglo-Saxon and Middle English Period

Timestamp: [35:50 – 37:10]

Noel discusses the Anglo-Saxon adaptation of the Latin alphabet, introducing the Futhork—an extended runic system that evolved to include 33 characters by the 11th century CE. This period saw significant linguistic shifts due to the Norman invasion of 1066 CE, which brought Latin and Norman influences into English.

Notable Quote:

Noel Brown [35:50]: "The Norman invasion... English as a language was then considered something of a... feature of the low born nobility, clergy, scholars and other top dogs."

This fusion of languages and scripts further refined the English alphabet, integrating letters like J, U, V, and W, setting the foundation for modern English.

---

8. Engaging with Old and Middle English

Timestamp: [26:34 – 43:41]

In a playful segment, Ben and Noel attempt to read excerpts from "Beowulf" and "The Canterbury Tales" in Old and Middle English. Their humorous mispronunciations and attempts highlight the complexities and unfamiliarities of ancient English scripts.

Notable Quote:

Noel Brown [38:31]: "Listen for the dirty innuendos."

They demonstrate the challenges of interpreting early English texts, emphasizing the evolution of language over centuries. This segment serves to illustrate how far the English language has come and the intricate journey of its alphabet.

---

9. Conclusion and Tease for Part Two

Timestamp: [37:10 – 44:53]

Ben and Noel wrap up the episode by reflecting on the tumultuous history that shaped the English alphabet. They hint at exploring the invention of the printing press and its revolutionary impact on the language in the forthcoming second part of the series.

Notable Quote:

Ben Bullen [42:10]: "We are going to learn more about the invention of the printing press. And we will do that in the second part of our weird exploration of the English language and how it became a thing."

They express enthusiasm for continuing their linguistic journey, promising listeners deeper insights into the evolution of English.

---

Key Insights and Highlights:

• Language as a Living Entity: The hosts emphasize that language is not static but evolves continuously through cultural interactions, borrowing, and technological advancements.

• Phonemic Representation: The shift from consonant-only scripts to including vowels was pivotal in creating a more versatile and expressive alphabet.

• Cultural Interplay: The adoption and adaptation of alphabets by different civilizations (Phoenicians, Greeks, Romans, Anglo-Saxons) demonstrate the dynamic nature of written language.

• Humorous Engagement: Ben and Noel's playful attempts at reading ancient English texts not only entertain but also underscore the complexities involved in language evolution.

• Future Exploration: The promise of delving into the printing press's role sets the stage for understanding how technology further propelled linguistic development.

---

Stay Tuned:
Join Ben Bullen and Noel Brown in the next episode, where they delve into the invention of the printing press and its monumental effect on solidifying the English alphabet as we know it today.

Listen to More:
For more intriguing explorations of history's "ridiculous" moments, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or your preferred podcast platform.

Transcript

[Ben Bullen]

Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to the show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you as always, so much for tuning in. Let's give a big shout out in the English language to our super producer, Mr. Max Williams. There they are. There they are. That's Mr. Noel Brown. I am Ben Bullen. We are coming to you in a language called English.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, the English language. Modern English. Like the band. We're going to stop the world and melt with all of you.

[Ben Bullen]

There it is. There it is. And that's an amazing thing to do because language itself is amazing. One of the cornerstones of all advanced human life. There are thousands of languages, as we know, and many of them are mutually unintelligible. But it's. When you think about it, language is the bedrock of society, coupled with the absolutely bonkers idea of writing stuff down. You guys, language is something like time travel, teleportation, telepathy and necromancy all tied up in one thoroughly ridiculous bow.

[Noel Brown]

I had no idea it was so spooky, Ben.

[Ben Bullen]

It's a little spooky, right? You know, think about it. No, the last time you read a piece by your favorite dead author, that person from beyond the grave is communicating directly with you.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, it's true. I mean, that is sort of the nature you always talk about, the game of telephone. That is history. But that applies to language as well, because language does not exist in a vacuum. It was created by people over the course of time, and it is an evolution, evolutionary thing in and of itself. And sometimes the medium is the message.

[Ben Bullen]

Ooh, very Marshall McLuhan of you. Yeah, the medium is the massage. Shout out to that book. And apologies to the librarian I stole that from back in the day. So in this week's series, Noel, we are exploring one language in particular. It's the one we're speaking now. Spoiler. It is a paradoxical pyratic mixtape. All kinds of weird, mismatched sounds. They're represented by an arcane collection of specific squiggly and straight lines with a little handful, a sprinkling, a dab, and a dash of punctuation marks. Collectively, we call this weird, weird thing the English Alphabet.

[Noel Brown]

So why don't we take this episode, and I think maybe a second episode to discuss exactly how this English language Alphabet specifically thing came about?

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, let's see how we got there. And maybe just for a treat, we might talk about the future as well.

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[Noel Brown]

Right. At its most basic level, all an Alphabet is is a set of, you know, pictures, pictographs, I guess. Right. Drawings, characters, brushstrokes, as in the case of Japanese characters, you know, where there really is an art to it. And it's very bespoke and handmade. That can, of course, be the case with other alphabets as well. This is used to represent, in some cases, actual concepts, you know, ideas, whole words and phrases. But on its most basic level, an Alphabet is designed to represent the phonemic structure of a language. So in other words, certain lines and curves that comprise these different characters are designed to let the reader know what sound they're supposed to make out their mouths.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, exactly. You nailed it. And then it also lets you know what context occurs. How does this R sound or how does this M or this N or this B sound exist on its own? And how does it tie into other sounds indicated before or after after it? It's an amazing process, especially when we realize how quickly this happens for practiced readers. You know what I mean? Like, oh, we should also mention, since we love etymology, the origin of the English word Alphabet is not technically from English. It's a bit of a portmanteau arriving from the first two letters of the Greek Alphabet, alpha and beta, and they stole that from somewhere else. As we'll see, it was first used in Latin form alphabetum by a guy named Tertullian and a guy named St. Jerome, because he was one of the very many saints of the Catholic church.

[Noel Brown]

Yes, but not all alphabets are created equal. There are some that have way more symbols than others. There's some that really kind of thrive on sort of an economy of language type model. Modern English. The idea, not the band, but also the band is a Latin script Alphabet comprised of 26 characters. But some writing systems take a different approach to, you know, kind of creating this written mishmash of sound.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, yeah. For instance, let's consider the alternative system of the syllabary. An example of this would be the Cherokee language. Written symbols there are meant to represent syllables of sound. And to your earlier point, Noel, Japanese language uses at least one form of syllabic writing as well. The oldest system of writing anything is what we call the logogram from the Greek logos or word and gramma, quote that which is drawn or written Chinese. To the earlier point, that's a great example of this. Ideograms, characters that represent full ideas, and then you See earlier examples of this, like the Egyptian hieroglyphs or cuneiform.

[Noel Brown]

However, the biggest difference is that the symbols in an Alphabet and syllabic systems, they represent sounds directly. They don't in and of themselves have any meaning, unless of course you're using them as like exhibits like A, B, C, D, et cetera. You can of course use them that way. So you could, for example, read the letter B and think, well, I see that letter in a lot of things, but on its own, without any other letters, it is just a sound. I'm going to need a little bit more than that to communicate an entire idea or thought.

[Ben Bullen]

Just so. And if we look at the ancient history, we'll see that writing is humanity's principal technology, even now for collecting, manipulating and storing data and transmitting information. It is a crazy idea. It's classic human. So it's no surprise we talk a lot about parallel thought. But it's no surprise that this concept was invented or discovered multiple times independently in the near east, in China and throughout Mesoamerica.

[Noel Brown]

That's right, the cuneiform script, you know, collection of characters that was created in Mesopotamia, aka present day Iraq, circa 3200 BCE was very, very first to the party, the language party. And it's also the only writing system that can be traced actual prehistoric roots. Like its earliest prehistoric origins, first writing was used as a tool in order to help aid in things like math. And that earliest form of writing itself actually dates back to an 8th millennium BCE system of numbers using clay tablets, clay tokens consisting of multiple different shapes. So why don't we go to our buddy James Wright, an editor over at International Encyclopedia of Social and Behavioral Sciences. James Wright writes. He does do that, Ben.

[Ben Bullen]

He does.

[Noel Brown]

You nailed it. Give us James Wright's writing.

[Ben Bullen]

Ah, yes. So James Wright says that you can trace, like you were saying, Noel, the invention of cuneiform over a period of 10,000 years from the prehistoric predecessor to the present day Alphabet. And James sees it as a division of four phases of evolution. First you have the clay tokens we mentioned earlier. And they represent units of goods. They are three dimensional tokens. People are literally handing these back and forth. Then they get transformed into two dimensional pictographic signs, representations of the tokens without actually needing to have the tokens. And again, for cartoonishly long amount of time. This script was just for accounting, it was just for nerds. It didn't change until much later when they started using phonetic signs to talk about the names of individuals in that civilization.

[Noel Brown]

That's Right. And like those clay tablets we talked about, the tokens, the pictographic script we're talking about now actually served a very specific kind of mathematical purpose in the practice of accounting. And that's from 3,500 to 3,000 BCE. So it's a pretty ancient profession, being an accountant. We had phonetic signs that were introduced then to transcribe the names of individual people. That marked a very important turning point when writing started to actually emulate sounds, those phonemes that we were talking about, the way we hear language spoken. And as a result, this kind of became applicable to things beyond just counting. It became applicable to expressing all manner of thoughts and ideas. With two dozen letters, each representing a single vocal sound, the Alphabet perfectly represented a rendition of human speech. It was able to do a pretty good job of that. So after these concepts that we've kind of previously outlined. Ideography, logography. I think I got that right. And syllabaries, this new Alphabet, but really was a massive step forward into integrating much, much more advanced ways of communicating ideas into a written form.

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Yeah. So until the third millennium BCE or so, as we're saying, writing is for accounting. And it really changes as more spiritual minded people in Sumerian civilization start using some form of visual depiction or engraving for funerary inscriptions. At every step in this evolution we see a steady progression in the abstraction of data. So you start off saying, here's a way Write the number 7. Here's a way to write the number 4. And if you take 4 from 7, here's a way to write the number 3. Now we are talking about increasingly complex ideas, all of which eventually lead us to the alphabets we know, recognize and practice today. So what happens next? How do we get from a bunch of nerdy boffins who are very good at numbers to the modern Alphabet? We've got some steps along the way.

[Noel Brown]

That's right. The rise of the English Alphabet. Building on this foundation created by our ancient predecessors, the very first widely used Alphabet adjacent Ish esque thing was developed by Semitic peoples, the Phoenicians. Does that ring any bells? Anybody? Phonetics? Phoenicians about 700 years later, right. Consisting of 22 letters, all consonants. At this point, this Semitic language spread all throughout the Mediterranean region. And that includes the Levant, North Africa, Southern Europe and the Iberian peninsula. The Greeks at this point built further on the Phoenician Alphabet by adding vowel sounds. Remember, we only previously had consonants. That's exactly very guttural, right. That would create a guttural thing. And if you think about it, the vowels are what makes language a little more mellifluous, right? A little more melodic, beautiful.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah. And that, that only happens about 750 BCE. The, our pals, the Greeks, they took letters from this Phoenician Alphabet ish thing and they said look, these, these certain symbols represent stuff that does not exist in Greek speech. So we're going to change them and we're going to make them our new vowels. Our predecessors of A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Y. Sometimes Y, sometimes. Why, why is it tricky? Would this is the creation of the first, true Alphabet, meaning both vowels and consonants are explicit symbols in a single script. In the early years, we already see fragmentation. There were so many variants of the Greek Alphabet, and as a result, many other different alphabets evolved from these differing systems. We see this time and time again. Dude, everybody wanted a single system of langu, but they all wanted it to be the one they had made. What could go wrong?

[Noel Brown]

What could go wrong, Ben? Many things, it turns out the Latins that later were known by the Romans, of course, you know, with their sandals and whatnot. They were super into this idea and they, you know, this is another language thing that happens. A lot of pinching, you know, picking and choosing from other cultures and other alphabets. They did this from the Greeks, as they did with lots of other things. Things we know the Romans were notorious idea thieves, but they did, you know, they did improve a lot of things, wouldn't you say, Ben? Put their own spin on it.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, yeah. They also looked at Etruscan civilization and they said, we like what those folks are doing. Let's take this Grecian Alphabet and let's add the letters F and S, just like our friends down the way. And ancient Latin did not have the letters G, J, V or U as they would call it, W, Y and Z. But by about the 3rd century CE, the Roman Alphabet started to look very similar to what we would call modern English. They had every letter except for J, U or V and W and V and U just, by the way, ridiculous historians. V and U have a cartoonish shared history. Both were used throughout the Middle Ages and until relatively recently, they were considered a single letter. So you kind of had to read on context. That's why every Dan Brown esque, Indiana Jones esque film you see that has old Latin. Is it a V? Is it a W? That. That's why people were just freestyling.

[Noel Brown]

Exactly right. The history of writing in Britain actually, however, begins with the Anglo Saxon, and that was in the 5th century CE. They had significant ties to Scandinavia and other cultures from the North Sea regions. The ancient Anglo Saxons had a form of writing called oh my goodness. Futhork.

[Ben Bullen]

You gotta say it with your chest.

[Noel Brown]

That's like a. It's like a fust Roda situation. Dragon shout. Shout out. Indeed. To Skyrim. Dragons shout out. It was a dude. It totally is, man. It's a runic language. That's what the dragon shouts were, if you've ever played the game, which is a lot of fun, although it pisses me off, man, because I'm at A place again where I'm gonna have to start over because I've gotten to a game breaking place in my save and my old saves are too old and I just am not gonna. I don't know if I'm gonna do it, man. I love the game so much, but it keeps letting me down.

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[Noel Brown]

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[Ben Bullen]

That's where the game takes you. I mean. Flexible runes kept getting added to this Futhork. And what we see is a pretty stunning evolution. Futhork just appeared in England with 26 characters. And by the time it went out of fashion around the 11th century common era, it. It already had 33 characters total. So people kept adding runes to depict abstract ideas. And, you know, around this time too, there's a Venn diagram. Always happens with language. So if we go back from the 11th century to the 7th century, we'll see that the Latin Alphabet was introduced by Christian missionaries and it began to take hold. The first formal list of all the letters or all the symbols or characters in the old English Alphabet comes around 10:11 CE. And it had a lot of the hits. It had a lot of the hits.

[Noel Brown]

That's right. It included all of our modern English letters, including J, U, or V and W. This wasn't a modern Alphabet yet. However, we do want to give a shout out to everyone who's encountered this firsthand in high school, in your high school classroom, or perhaps in college, where students may still to this day be forced to read the likes of Beowulf, which I think is pretty cool. He's got a monster. It's got a muscle, man. Our hero, Beowulf. But the language is a bit. Let's just call it not a. Challenging isn't even the right word. What do you think, Ben?

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, No, I propose that we collectively prank ourselves and Max, get in on this if you want, but we have included a written old English sample of the first part of Beowulf. So here's what I'm thinking. We'll all get a little of this. Let's read part of it, and let's just do our best. A lot of these characters are unfamiliar. And then right after, we will play a clip of someone reading it accurately. Sound good?

[Noel Brown]

Oh, gosh, I love this game so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ben Bullen]

Right.

[Noel Brown]

Okay, Ben, you found this. You gotta start.

[Ben Bullen]

Okay, here we go. What? Wie gardenia in gardagum pjoldsignia birm gerfles. Okay.

[Noel Brown]

What are you. Are you, like, the arm from Twin Peaks? It sounds like you're reading backwards. I am the arm oft sklid. Scaffing scapiana. Pr monogam meg pum me$othia. Exode. It sounds like Latin. Exode. Er la under welcoming.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, let's give. All right. Back to you do one. You do it so we all get it. Yeah.

[Noel Brown]

Welcome under welcoming.

[Ben Bullen]

Just power through it, bro. I'm gonna offer hond hein skalde gumban. Pat was good. It actually gets easier as you keep going. Keep going, keep going. That was the end. Oh, yeah. All right.

[Noel Brown]

We are the arm. Yeah.

[Ben Bullen]

So we. We hope you enjoyed that, folks. Clearly, we're having a time with it. We're going to take just a second and play a rendition of those lines as the boffins say they are supposed to sound. Are we ready?

[Noel Brown]

Yes. We did a perfect job.

[Ben Bullen]

We don't have the guitar. Pretty good. Pretty good.

[Noel Brown]

That's my favorite word right there.

[Ben Bullen]

That was good.

[Noel Brown]

That was good. Okay. No. No.

[Ben Bullen]

That is not what that line says. Right?

[Noel Brown]

That was some good signing right there, boys. Let me tell you what.

[Ben Bullen]

That is not how it's written. Like, well done. Well done. Other than that line, I think I was absolutely perfect, so.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, you were spot on.

[Ben Bullen]

All both of you guys. 10.

[Noel Brown]

Thank you.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah. 7.

[Noel Brown]

10.

[Ben Bullen]

All right. Tough crowd. Tough crowd.

[Noel Brown]

I give you a nine. Five, Ben 95.

[Ben Bullen]

Thank you, sir. I appreciate that. I will pay you in bed bucks. This episode of ridiculous history is brought to you by ebay Motors.

[Noel Brown]

Picture this. You're in the garage, your favorite room in the house. And you're tuning up your engine with parts you found on ebay. Every piece is just locking perfectly into place.

[Ben Bullen]

You step back to admire your work, hands covered in grease. And because you're committed to driving that thing further than the odometer can even handle, you start thinking to yourself, you know what?

[Noel Brown]

I could probably also use some new brakes, some shocks and struts. This baby deserves a new air filter.

[Ben Bullen]

So you head right back to ebay.

[Noel Brown]

You can find any part you need there. It is unreal. From wipers and headlights to cold air intakes, exhaust systems, and even that turbo you had on your mind.

[Ben Bullen]

Ebay is the stocked garage of your dreams. And you've got ebay guaranteed fit.

[Noel Brown]

Because eBay knows DIY fixes can be major, and mods are always intense. So you need to know those parts are guaranteed to fit every time before you dive in, wrench first, and in.

[Ben Bullen]

The off chance you order a part and it doesn't fit, send it back. Simple as that.

[Noel Brown]

You know what you love more than your car itself is driving it. You're serious when it comes to engine maintenance and locked in when you're headed into a build.

[Ben Bullen]

And that's exactly why you start with ebay. Minor fix or complete overhaul? You want to get your ride back on the road, and you've got ebay guaranteed fit.

[Noel Brown]

So ebay created my garage where all you have to do is add your ride's info to get the exact parts that fit. When you see that green check, you're a click away from that part, clicking perfectly into place.

[Ben Bullen]

So now that you know all that.

[Noel Brown]

Imagine standing at that open garage door looking at that car you love more than anything, knowing that anything is possible. Whether it's keeping it on the road forever or turning it into something that's never been on the road before.

[Ben Bullen]

Because with ebay, your garage just got a whole lot bigger.

[Noel Brown]

Get all the parts you need at prices you'll love. Guaranteed to fit every time.

[Ben Bullen]

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[Noel Brown]

Hi everyone, it's Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb from the TODAY show. We love this time of year. There's so much to celebrate.

[Ben Bullen]

That's right. Nobody does the holidays quite like today all season long. Join us for special performances with the.

[Noel Brown]

Brightest stars, plus festive recipes to whip up the perfect holiday feast. And great deals on the hottest toys and gifts for everyone on your list.

[Ben Bullen]

So join us every morning on NBC to make today your home for the holidays. Congratulations to CBS Sports and Sony Electronics for their first place wins for innovation in industry at this year's unconventional awards.

[Noel Brown]

By T Mobile for business.

[Ben Bullen]

In a collaboration that was clearly built on breaking new ground, CBS and Sony created a first of its kind broadcast for the PGA Championship. Using a custom built T Mobile Private 5G network to power the live production, they deployed a 5G wireless camera system throughout the event. The network's speed combined with Sony's innovative ultra low latency video codec allowed for seamless, high quality footage without disruption. With that innovative approach, CBS gave broadcasters the tools they need to do what they do best. Take their coverage to entirely new places. These innovations will shape the way live sports are covered moving forward. And for that, T Mobile congratulates Sony and CBS for their unconventional thinking. We can already tell you guys this is not the English most people speak today. And I'm sorry that I keep guffawing and giggling and stickering at this, but I love that we were able to explore that with our audience. To get to modern English, we gotta go through Middle English. And this is still weird. Still weird, still very weird. This is a period of English development that we owe largely to warfare. The Norman invasion.

[Noel Brown]

That's right. Shortly after the old English Alphabet was first writ down, writ large and or small. The Normans invaded 1066 CE and English as a language was then at this point considered something of a, I don't know, a feature of the low. The low born nobility, clergy, scholars and other top dogs. They were speaking in Latin. That was what the fancy lads used to speak, Norman or Latin. But by the 13th century, when writing in English began to become a bit more prominent, the language started to reflect these centuries of Norman conquest and rule.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, Old English letters that used to be just for the poor and the hoi polloi. Things like dorn and et were replaced by the sound th and then wind or wind eventually became or W. Right.

[Noel Brown]

And the other English letters were jettisoned. They were.

[Ben Bullen]

Get them out of here.

[Noel Brown]

No, no need. Go home.

[Ben Bullen]

Out of here.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, don't even go home. Just jump in a. Well for all. And this stuff is definitely, definitely still challenging as we're going to see with. I know what you pulled here, Ben. I know this body bit.

[Ben Bullen]

It's your favorite part.

[Noel Brown]

It's so fun to say, and it really does. Remember we were talking about like, you know, a language composed entirely or largely of consonants is gonna have this gruff, like absolutely grinding, grating kind of quality. But when you introduce a lot of these, you know, vowel sounds, you get a very sing songy thing. And this Middle English really does kind of drive that home. What we're talking, talking about, of course, is Chaucer's famous work that you were also probably forced to read excerpts of in school, the Canterbury Tales.

[Ben Bullen]

Yes. Yeah. And we are, we are clearly delighted with some Big Friday energy to share with you. Our an excerpt from our favorite part of the Canterbury Tales, which was never completed. Noel, here's what I think. Let's have you. Just for the fun, man, let's have you give us the excerpt from the Miller's Tale, the sauciest bit in Middle English. And then, Max, if we could lean on you, maybe give us the modern translation.

[Noel Brown]

Ben, that's so generous. This makes me very happy. I swear my big Weird Friday energy will not go to waste.

[Ben Bullen]

And again, folks, this is the Middle English version. You can still hear the rhyme, but please listen carefully as Noel continues.

[Noel Brown]

Yes, listen for the dirty innuendos. Here we go. The window she undo and that in haste have to quote she come off and speed the faster. Lest that our neighbors the espy a spy Perhaps this absalom gone whippy, his mouth full dry. Derrick was the night white as peach or as coal. And at the window out she put a her hole and absalom him feel no bet knee wares. But with his mouth he kissed her.

[Ben Bullen]

Naked Airs air spelled E, R, S. So you're getting the vibe here.

[Noel Brown]

It was a big mistake. He erred in kissing her naked heirs.

[Ben Bullen]

And I don't want to. You know, it's very. I'm going to be honest with you guys, very difficult for me as a nerd to not jump in and finish this in Middle English, but so everyone understands as we're getting to the English Alphabet. Luckily our super producer Max has his own big yes and energy. Max, could you give us the modern English translation of what we just heard? And please, please lean into the most ridiculous voice possible. Accents are okay. The window she undoes and that in haste get done with it, said she. Come on and hurry up, lest our neighbors SB I guess we don't have.

[Noel Brown]

A translation for that one.

[Ben Bullen]

Power through it, bud. This absolute wiped his mouth very dry. Dark with the night as pitch or as the coalition and at the window out she put her hole. And absalon to keep him happened did no better nor worse. But with his mouth he kissed her naked ass. Applause, applause.

[Noel Brown]

I don't know what that voice was, Max.

[Ben Bullen]

I love it. It sounds like a terrifying. It's a. I'll tell you who it is. It's a guy from the northern peninsula of Michigan who's talking to the afternoon regional news.

[Noel Brown]

I think it's a dude who finds us on our canoe trip in the woods and tells me I got a pretty mouth.

[Ben Bullen]

Right.

[Noel Brown]

I think it's your super producer trying.

[Ben Bullen]

To read a English translation of gibberish.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah, hey, you know, hey. We get the gist though, guys. She sticks her butt out the window and makes him kiss. Kiss her on it. Right in the hole.

[Ben Bullen]

Oh, I am so happy with you guys. Yeah, racy stuff. Chaucer, you scamp. But jokes aside, we can clearly. I'm not above it.

[Noel Brown]

We can know you're beneath it. In fact.

[Ben Bullen]

Yes, I'm up there with it. Yeah. We could clearly see and hear the similarities in Middle English. Right? We're off to the races linguistically, yet. No, fellow ridiculous historians, we are not quite done. Middle English is already the result of thousands of years of warring cultures and translations and mistranslations and invasions. It still needs one more revolution to reach what we call modern English today. And this time, the revolution is not warfare. The revolution is technology.

[Noel Brown]

Yeah. And the revolution will not be televised, but it certainly will be broadcast, in a sense.

[Ben Bullen]

Yes. We are going to learn more about the invention of the printing press. And we will do that in the second part of our weird exploration of the English language and how it became a thing. Noel, you and I are on the road pretty often and we have, as everybody knows, we have a great love of museums and libraries. And I gotta tell you, still, man, I am baffled by Old English like I am baffled by Beowulf. And I think we did an okay job reading that.

[Noel Brown]

Oh, it was a delight to do it. Ben, would you say that there are some similarities between Old English and Welsh?

[Ben Bullen]

100%, yes.

[Noel Brown]

Like, there's a lot of those same weird phonemes that exist and a lot of, like, extra content consonants and stuff.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah, there's a lot of. There's a lot of script and sound, or script to sound. When you look at it, you think, how'd you get there, buddy? As. As I've probably mentioned too often, I am still phenomenally baffled by the way the Welsh use the letter F. It's like.

[Noel Brown]

That's right.

[Ben Bullen]

Yeah. There's two Fs and there's three Fs.

[Noel Brown]

What is it for? What is it?

[Ben Bullen]

What is it good for?

[Noel Brown]

A lot of F words for sure.

[Ben Bullen]

And speaking of F words, thank you so much to everyone for tuning in. Join us for part two of the English Alphabet. Speaking of our favorite F word, big, big thanks to our pal Jonathan Strickland, AKA the Quister. Yeah yeah baby. J. Big, big thank. Thanks of course as well to our super producer and newest favorite voice actor, Mr. Max Williams.

[Noel Brown]

Thanks to Alex Williams, who composed our theme, Christopher Haciotis and even Jeff Coates here in Spirit and geez. Well, we'll keep it short. This is a two parter. We can thank the rest of them in part two. Thanks to you, Ben for your linguistic sojourns and spelunkings into the topic of the English Alphabet and the wherefores and the whys and the how tos of its creation.

[Ben Bullen]

Yes, yes, Vos pu hel to you. Which apparently means be in good health.

[Noel Brown]

And with Hugh as well. Then we'll see you next time, folks. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Ben Bullen]

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[Noel Brown]

Upon a time, Amazon Music met audiobooks and listeners everywhere rejoiced. Oh yeah, because now they could listen.

[Ben Bullen]

To one audiobook title a month from.

[Noel Brown]

An enormous library of popular audiobook titles, including Romantasy autobiographies, true crime, and more. Suddenly, listeners didn't mind sitting in traffic or even missing their flight. Amazon Music Unlimited now includes Audible Download, the Amazon Music app. Now to start listening Terms Apply Gifting is hard, but here's a Give the gift of connection from US Cellular.

[Ben Bullen]

Not sure what that means? Here's a slightly more specific you can.

[Noel Brown]

Choose four free phones and get four.

[Ben Bullen]

Lines for $90 a month from US Cellular. Your family wants new phones? How do we know? They told us. The good news is that compared to wrapping presents, you're great at getting hints. So take the hint and get them four free phones and four lines for.

[Noel Brown]

$90 a month US Cellular built for us. Here's to the holidays. To baking cookies in matching pajamas. To decorating the house with paper chain garland. To gathering around the table for the holiday. And the Chinette brand is here to share in the joy of it all. With the Chinette Crystal Collection, your holiday table is perfectly coordinated so you can achieve elegance with less cleanup, letting you focus on what really matters. Here's to the traditions that bring us together year after year. Here's to us, all of us. Find a local [e-mail].