The World's Weirdest Sports, Part Two: Literal Murderball

Summary

Podcast Summary: Ridiculous History – "The World's Weirdest Sports, Part Two: Literal Murderball"

Introduction

In the November 7, 2024 episode of Ridiculous History, hosted by Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown from iHeartPodcasts, the hosts delve deeper into the realm of the world's strangest sports. Building upon their initial exploration of unconventional athletic competitions, Ben and Noel transition from modern interpretations like Buzkashi to the ancient and profoundly intense Mesoamerican ball games. This episode not only highlights the bizarre nature of these sports but also unpacks their significant cultural, religious, and societal implications.

Politics as a Sport Analogy

Ben opens the discussion by likening politics to a sport, setting the tone for examining how competitive activities can transcend mere recreation.

Ben (02:09): "I gotta say, I don't know how this will age you guys, but politics is kind of a sport."

Noel concurs, emphasizing the combative and performative aspects of political arenas.

Noel (02:09): "Oh boy, is it ever. It's a blood sport."

Buzkashi: Afghanistan’s National Sport

Initially, the conversation focuses on Buzkashi, a traditional Afghan sport similar to polo but significantly more aggressive. Ben expresses his admiration for the game, highlighting its intense and chaotic nature.

Ben (02:57): "We spent the entire first episode just talking about Buzkashi, which by the way, I'm still super bullish on those."

Noel adds a humorous twist, comparing their producer's resilience to playful sports equipment.

Noel (00:54): "He bounced back like some sort of wiffle ball or a tether ball perhaps."

Transition to the Ancient Mesoamerican Ball Game

Expanding the discussion, Ben and Noel introduce the ancient Mesoamerican ball game, a precursor to modern sports that combined athleticism with deep cultural significance.

Ben (12:56): "Back in the day, we proudly present to you a different sort of ball game, loosely called the Ball Game."

Noel elaborates on the intuitive human inclination to transform simple objects into competitive activities, underscoring the universality of sport.

Noel (12:56): "It was probably kind of like racquetball, like you had to keep the ball in play."

Cultural and Religious Significance

The hosts delve into the socio-religious aspects of the Mesoamerican ball game, explaining its pivotal role in urban life and mythology.

Ben (18:44): "In Mesoamerican mythology, the ball game functioned as an important socio-religious ritual."

Noel references the Popol Vuh, the Mayan creation myth, linking the game to legendary tales of heroism and underworld deities.

Noel (18:03): "You can find this sort of creation myth in a tome called the Popol Vu."

Violence and Sacrifice: The 'Literal Murderball'

True to the episode's title, Ben and Noel explore the game's brutal nature, where players often faced life-threatening consequences. They recount how losers might be decapitated, serving both as a trophy and a grim reminder of the stakes involved.

Noel (29:15): "Spanish conquerors have reported watching this game being played and… descriptions of absolutely brutal injuries…"

Ben dramatizes the lethal pressure participants endured, likening it to gladiatorial combat.

Ben (27:00): "You might imagine there was a culture of like, you know, top players, the way we think of celebrity athletes here…"

Mythological Narratives and Symbolism

The episode weaves in Mesoamerican mythology, particularly the story of the hero twins Hunahpu and Vucub-Hunahpu, whose ball game against the underworld gods epitomizes the eternal struggle between light and darkness.

Ben (18:44): "These two brothers, Hun and Vocab, were tricked into descending toward the underworld and then had to play this game."

Noel ties this narrative to broader philosophical themes, contemplating the symbolic representation of the sun and underworld, and the game’s role in societal cohesion.

Noel (35:28): "It's the ultimate battle, you know, the battle between light and dark, good and evil."

Comparisons to Modern Sports and Philosophical Insights

Ben and Noel reflect on the evolution of sports from ancient rituals to today's more sanitized and commercialized activities. They discuss how ancient sports embodied societal values and existential themes, contrasting sharply with modern sports' focus on entertainment and competition.

Ben (49:15): "The nature of sport is really more than just messing around. It is meant to carry certain sociological or cultural mores."

Noel humorously references contemporary culture through a Kyle Mooney sketch, illustrating how even today, sports can seem perplexing to the uninitiated.

Noel (50:39): "It's my team. We gotta support our team… but he's describing these very amorphous rules."

Speculative Sports and Conclusion

Wrapping up, the hosts speculate on other bizarre historical sports, such as fisherman jousting in ancient Egypt, and reflect on the inherent violence of past athletic competitions compared to today's standards.

Ben (53:22): "I think more, I think we can agree that sports in general, historically are a little more violent than the sports we see today."

Noel concludes with thoughtful remarks on the enduring legacy of these ancient sports and their influence on modern athletic competitions.

Ben (53:22): "Sports in general, historically are a little more violent than the sports we see today."

Final Thoughts

Ben and Noel emphasize the importance of understanding sports within their cultural and historical contexts, urging listeners to appreciate the complexity behind what might initially appear as mere physical contests. This episode of Ridiculous History masterfully blends humor, historical insight, and philosophical musings to shed light on the world's most unconventional and lethal sports, offering listeners a compelling exploration of human competitiveness and cultural expression.

Notable Quotes

• Ben (02:09): "Politics is kind of a sport."
• Noel (02:09): "Oh boy, is it ever. It's a blood sport."
• Noel (18:03): "You can find this sort of creation myth in a tome called the Popol Vu."
• Noel (35:28): "It's the ultimate battle, you know, the battle between light and dark, good and evil."

Conclusion

Ridiculous History successfully uncovers the intricate and often violent underpinnings of ancient sports, offering a stark contrast to modern athletic endeavors. By contextualizing these games within their cultural and mythological frameworks, Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown provide listeners with a nuanced understanding of how sports have long been a reflection of societal values, beliefs, and conflicts.

Transcript

[Ben]

Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to the show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you as always so much for tuning, tuning in. Let's hear, let's hear some, some boo and some Kashi.

[Noel]

Why was Yakashi, you know, I remember Ali G, he'd say, yeah, I'd love.

[Ben]

To introduce our super producer, Mr. Max Williams.

[Max]

Fresh off a magnificent recovery. I am just between these episodes, gotten from sick to completely healthy.

[Noel]

He bounced back like some sort of wiffle ball or a tether ball perhaps.

[Ben]

Still having the condition. Wish you the best, Max. Please, Ridiculous Historians, allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Ben.

[Noel]

Hey.

[Ben]

Joined by, as always, the number one, the myth, the man, the legend, Mr. Noel Brown, aka Nov. Yeah, Nova. We are coming to you live and direct as we record. It is Tuesday, November 5, here in the just another day right here in the United States of America. A bold if imperfect experiment. As you're hearing this, a couple of other things may have changed. We don't know how everything's going to work out and we are not a polemical show. Nope. We are, however, very interested in ridiculous things. And I gotta say, I don't know how this will age you guys, but politics is kind of a sport.

[Noel]

Oh boy, is it ever. It's a blood sport. Yeah. You know, it's funny, I actually saw, I can't remember who posted this. It was a tweet, or maybe it was even a tweet referencing something that somebody said. But no, I know it was. It was my buddy Jason Pargan. I don't actually know him, but I really love his content a lot. Writer of John Dies in the End David. Yeah, exactly. Regular guest on Daily Zeitgeist as ourself. As is yourself, Ben. But he said something. The effect of like politics has gotten to this point where it's not even about actually being informed. It's just another kind of reality show esque, sort of like pissing contest and a way of being the quote unquote winner. And you know, I've certainly been looking in the last few days for intensely non political things to listen to. So we would like to be that thing for you today for sure. But I'm with you 100%, Ben.

[Ben]

Yeah, the reason we're making that sports comparison in the first place is because this, this episode folks, started as an artifact of curiosity and we thought it would be a one part one and done. To quote our friend Dan Harmon from Rick and Morty, we thought it'd be a classic in and out not affecting the mythos, but we got in a bit over our heads when we started looking at the world's weirdest sports. We struck a chord with one another and hopefully with you. We spent the entire first episode just talking about Buzkashi, which by the way, I'm still super bullish on those.

[Noel]

Goatish, yes. So are you the goat? Are you goaded? If you are the best at snatching.

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[Ben]

I learned so much more to just going into this so we cut a lot of the philosophical and geopolitical implications of Buzkashi, the national sport of Afghanistan. We cut a lot of it because we thought we were going to have a one and done episode. And then I think we, we reached the point together as a triumvirate where we said hang on and hang on a dick. I go on a tick. We did have some good cartoonish British accents in there too.

[Noel]

Oh of course, that's the best part of the show. And as well, by way of a quick reminder, Buzkashi being the national sport of Afghanistan, wherein individuals atop horseback vie quite aggressively for a goat skin, a goat sort of carcass type floppy thing. In more recent years it's been replaced by maybe a more vegan alternative. But yeah, there's a giant sort of fishbowl thing in the middle, I guess more of like a dog bowl. And that is the goal. And people are often throwing themselves into it along with the goat skin. And it's pretty wild.

[Ben]

Yeah. And you made the excellent comparison to polo. You also, you also noted something I was listening back to and I loved this you noted. Hey, in us football, people throw around a pig skin.

[Noel]

It's true.

[Ben]

Right? So one of the notes that we landed on in our previous exploration concerned the idea of perspective, the importance of having empathy, having the ability to realize that something may seem odd or even disturbing to an outside observer. It might seem weird, like cough, cough. Going to a cricket game and not knowing what's going on. Cough, cough. But wait a minute.

[Noel]

Did this happen to you, Ben?

[Ben]

All right, all right. It's illegal for you to ask me that.

[Noel]

Fair.

[Ben]

So it is not illegal to ask me that because I told you I'm a rule breaker. Yeah, man. Also, I have no idea what's going on with cricket. I watch it and I clap like the distant relative at a reunion.

[Noel]

There's a wicket and a bowler.

[Ben]

A sticky wicket.

[Noel]

Well, that's different, Ben. That's sort of like a conundrum, which is what many of us may find ourselves in today. But yeah, the wicket is the bat is the flat bat. Also probably good for being the thing.

[Ben]

That get the bat is what you use to hit the wicket.

[Noel]

Oh, the wicket is like the tee ball stand.

[Ben]

The wicket's like the croquet goal.

[Noel]

Got it. I've for all these years thought that the wicket was the bat.

[Max]

No, the bat's just the bat.

[Noel]

Damn.

[Ben]

The bat's just the bat.

[Noel]

And the bowler is like the pitcher. Right? Okay, okay. One thing, right?

[Ben]

You nailed it, guys. Also, cricket is tremendously popular and may seem confusing to people. Unfamiliar also, to be honest, baseball is probably confusing to people who are not from the west or Japan.

[Noel]

I agree. I will say, though, as a non sporto, I do maybe it's just because it was the sport that my mom really enjoyed. I have always found it to be a little more understandable than football as many times, and I do understand football, but it just isn't as intuitive to me. Baseball, I think, is probably partly why it's so popular is a little bit more simple. You know, I want you to get into the stats that's different, but the actual rules, not too hard to wrap your head around.

[Max]

You hit the ball, you run to bases, you try to get all around the bases. Football, there's a lot of minutia. Minutia, intricacies, pedantics, trench warfare.

[Noel]

You got to be a real head to get into the weeds, to get into the trenches.

[Max]

With football, the newest of, like the big sports in America, like, it's a pretty recent invention, late 1800s, so it's.

[Ben]

Been great for commercials. And yeah, you really have to get your head in the game and hope traumatic brain injuries get a concussion. And so we will not say we are judging weird sports. We'll say instead that we acknowledge things can look different from the outside. And some of these endeavors that people participate in may seem odd because you have not played the game right, just like any other recreational endeavor. Yeah.

[Noel]

And also, anytime we kind of dig through the annals of history and look at cultural differences and things that may not have aged well over time and maybe are no longer practiced, it's important not to judge something too harshly for the era that it was taking place in and also for, you know, the part of the world, the way that it was separated from maybe other cultures and the way things kind of develop in a vacuum sometimes, especially in the. In the distant past.

[Ben]

Heck, yeah, brother. Let's go to Mesoamerica. Back in the day, we proudly present to you a different sort of ball game, loosely called the Ball Game.

[Noel]

The Ball Game. I know it well. We talked. I can't remember. Was it stuff that I want you to know. It must have been recently where we were talking about just how intuitive it is for a human to see a stick on the ground and a round object and just be like, how can I make this into a competition? Because when we look at it now and see sports as this titanic industry generating gazillions of dollars, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that most of it is based on very simple kind of parallel thinking acts of human beings, where it's like, I see that thing and I see that thing. Let's put them together and figure out a way that we can play.

[Ben]

Shout out, by the way, to everyone who is listening to this on a walk and just saw a good stick.

[Noel]

That's a good stick right there, man.

[Ben]

That's a good stick right there. You gotta pick it up. All right. Do the Gandalf thing. Oh, man. This game, loosely called the Ball Game, was played by every Mesoamerican civilization. As far as we can tell, it was invented sometime in, like, 2500 to 100 BCE. So this game predates the story of Jesus Christ.

[Noel]

It's crazy. I also. I think it's one of those things where, again, because of the parallel thinking, those numbers may vary. There's a really great article on Atlas Obscura that dates it back to the Olmec around 1500 BC in the central Gulf coast of Mexico.

[Ben]

Right. Yeah. And the. So it's tricky to understand how BC works. The lower number on BC is closer to the modern day. So 2500 to the Olmec period, to 100 BCE still very, very old. This was so popular. This was like, on the level of soccer today or football for the rest of the world. We don't know a ton about it, but we do know people were super into it, and it was super disturbing. The rules of the game are still something scholars will argue about, but it was probably kind of like racquetball, like you had to keep the ball in play. We do know, to your point, Noel, that these courts where this game was played, whatever it was called, they became similar to stadiums that you would see in major US Cities today. They were a feature of the urban landscape. And if we look at how people try to play the game, then we have to look at the descendant of the game, something called Ulama. We do know these players would strike the ball with their hips. They may have used forearms occasionally. They might have bats. And they were always trying to get the ball, whatever it was, through a stone circle placed on either side of the court. Pretty difficult. But I think it'll remind a lot of us of basketball if you died when you lost, or Quidditch, if you're.

[Noel]

A Harry Potter fan, I believe. Weren't they tossing those things through, like, a square, a circular kind of goal target?

[Ben]

What's the thing you have to get in Quidditch?

[Noel]

The Snitch, The Golden Snitch.

[Ben]

Is it really Snitch? Yeah, it is.

[Noel]

Yeah. That's the. Or the Sneetch. I think it's the Snitch. It's like a weird little bug thing that they release, and that's part of the game. But then you also have, like, a ball. It's more like a rugby ball that they did, you know, on broom top, through these circular goals.

[Ben]

In the ball game throughout ancient Mesoamerica or early Mesoamerica, the ball was solid rubber and could weigh as much as £9. Yeah. So people.

[Noel]

Beefy forearms for that.

[Ben]

Yeah, or broken forearms. People are. People are fighting. The only real thing, the only real consistent rule we know is that the two teams had to fight each other to get the ball through one of the rings on the court. And if someone got an ankle broken, if someone knocked their forearm or got hit in the head, didn't matter.

[Noel]

I mean, you might argue that was a feature, not a bug. You know, I mean, this really is tantamount to the kind of blood sport we see with gladiator battles, not to mention the religious implications of this band. You found some really Cool stuff about how this was part of lore. Like the idea of this sport being played between members of, you know, the human race and like lords of the underworld.

[Ben]

Ah yes, this is true. In Mesoamerican mythology, the ball game functioned as a. An important socio religious ritual. Like you were saying, Noel, it's the story of the hero twins, Hun Hanapu and Vocab Hanapu, the. Pardon my pronunciation guys, my k'iche is pretty loose these days. This is a pair of awesome dudes who super pissed off Xibalba, which is the underworld and the God thereof.

[Noel]

This is in Mayan culture, to my understanding, and it comes from. You can read a lot of this if you want to go a little deeper. I think you can find this sort of creation myth in a tome called the Popol Vu, which is also a really interesting kind of gothy post punk band. I always really liked this name and did not know where it came from. And it's a band, is a band called Popol Vu.

[Ben]

No way. No way. I gotta tell you man, you know, I had a life before the podcasting stuff and I lived in Central America for a time and the culture, the ancient culture there still persist. I have never watched the ball game in person, but as you note, there is religious significance to this, there is social significance to this. If you follow the mythology, these two brothers, Hun and vqb, who were again heroes, they were tricked into descending toward the underworld and then they had to play this game. And because one of the hero twins lost the game, he had his head cut off.

[Noel]

The ultimate penalty. Oh, and just to backtrack really quickly to a previous tangent, Popol Vu, the band is actually more of like an electronic German Krautrock band, which is not a term of derision, it is a genre. And the folks in that part of the world wear it proudly. Bands like Kraftwerk and Noi. So do check out Popol Vu. I actually am going to make a note to myself, this is one that I'm not super very well versed in.

[Ben]

Also, while we're at it, everybody, look forward to our future two part episode on women in electronica.

[Noel]

Thanks Ben. Yeah, I'm working on that one. It's a very near and dear topic to me, so we should have that one out in a week or two. But sorry Ben, decapitation, we're burying the lead here. Or maybe we're not. I just derailed the lead. But this was a common penalty for being the loser. And then I got this follow up question. Was this a team sport? Were there entire teams that were executed as a result of losing? See Gladiator 2 only in theaters November 22nd.

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[Noel]

Ah, because like the gladiator connection.

[Ben]

So imagine if you're playing racquetball with a team, right? And you have to, you have to try to get this heavy rubber ball through this stone goal. And you know that if you don't accomplish the win, you might be sacrificed in at least a few instances. The ball game was a proxy for war. Warring kingdoms would say, hey, let's settle this on the court.

[Noel]

That could be in issues of succession, it could be issues of territory, disputes over territory. And oftentimes to your point about non consensual participation in this game, really see serious connection to the gladiator thing because oftentimes slaves or captives, prisoners of war were forced to fight for their lives in this competitive sport.

[Ben]

Yes. And shout out to everybody who just immediately thought of Apocalypto. Do you remember that film?

[Noel]

I think, you know, I never saw it because I think Mel Gibson's an But I heard it's really good and that it actually is pretty interesting. And I don't know, is it problematic? I don't remember hearing that aspect about it. I know he's done some problematic things in terms of his depictions of indigenous people, but did you enjoy the film?

[Ben]

I did. There is no instance of the ball game in it, but there is an instance of like will we see a depiction of trafficking, of human kidnapping and the gamification of prisoners of war and refugees. So there is. I don't think this will spoil it. There is a scene wherein some prisoners are cut free and they're allowed to run for their freedom, while the guys who captured them sort of gamble on whether or not they can shoot them in the back.

[Noel]

Oof.

[Ben]

Yeah. Brutal stuff.

[Noel]

Yeah. And moving to a little bit of a different culture, we have the Aztecs as well, who carried on this tradition very, very, very similarly. There are reports and there is historical evidence that they would actually sometimes use the decapitated heads of the losers of certain of these bouts as stand ins for a ball in said ball game.

[Ben]

Yeah, just imagine, right, the ball game is at its height of popularity. You get captured by some enemy force and they say, hey, we're not going to kill you just yet, but if you want to stay alive, you have to play this game. And then they toss you a decapitated.

[Noel]

And the article that I referenced earlier by Monica Petrus from Atlas Obscura does mention that the main historical evidence we have for this are in, like, etchings and imagery on vases and different pieces of pottery like that. So, you know, it's kind of. It leaves a bit up to the imagination whether these were meant to be, like, metaphorical depictions or whatever creative liberties were being taken. But it's not out of the question that this actually did happen. And Spanish conquerors, or Spanish, I guess, explorers have reported watching this game being played and at the very least described absolutely brutal injuries, including just decimated bones that have to be injuries that have to be lanced and some people that didn't even survive.

[Ben]

Yeah, I mean, again, you're fighting for your life. I don't know if we want to. I don't know if we want to queue up that Al Pacino speech from any given Sunday. Do you remember that one?

[Noel]

Gosh, what was the. What's the big. The big. The tagline.

[Ben]

It's like how you have to fight for every inch.

[Noel]

Okay, yeah, it was a good movie. I like that Oliver Stone movie. I'm not even a really big sports movie fan, but was a big Oliver Stone fan back in the day. He sort of had some stinkers in there, but he's got some good ones, too.

[Ben]

Wait, what stinkers did he have?

[Noel]

You know, he had.

[Ben]

Oh, Conan the Barbarian.

[Noel]

Well, I think he was a producer on that. I don't think he directed that.

[Ben]

He wrote it.

[Noel]

He did have something to do with writing it. He was more of like a kind of a schlocky, you know, Hollywood scribe. But a lot of people really hate Natural Born Killers. I like it a lot. I guess when I'm thinking of Stinkers, I was thinking of maybe, I don't know, Nixon and then some of it, like W, you know, World Trade center, he did that was a little distasteful. The sequel to Wall Street, Money Never Sleeps, not regarded particularly highly. And also savag. I remember being not great, but man, some of his early stuff, I think Platoon is up there for me with some of the best war films ever. Although some people rank it a little.

[Ben]

Lower, but I think, well, canonical it very much is. Also, would love to see Oliver, if you're listening, would love to see your depiction of the ball game courts. So the ball game courts were part of a city's holy precinct. This is our number one clue indicating that this game was more than a game for the people involved at the time. I want to correct one of the things we said earlier. Each of the walls had a large vertical stone ring and it was set high up enough that you couldn't touch it with your hand. Right. You'd have to. You'd have to jump. And we know that the court itself was kind of in the shape of a capital letter I in English. So if you picture that so like.

[Noel]

With like sort of walls, barriers on each side and then a long kind of, I guess, field of play connecting those two, like.

[Ben]

Yeah, my old school stuff makes me think of it as a kill space. Like I would not want to be in. You never want to be in that part of the capital.

[Noel]

I. I'm sure you don't. And I bet you there was plenty of blood on the. On the sand or on the turf or whatever. And by the way, the most famous Oliver Stone stinker was Alexander Fortune Favors the Bold, starring Val Kilmer and what's his face, Colin Farrell. I haven't seen it, but it is universally despised by. Even by the people that were in it. So that's the one I was thinking.

[Ben]

Holly Farrell's been doing some pretty impressive stuff right now. I love the paint.

[Noel]

Oh, it's so good. And I just. I really. I really like that show Sugar that he was in. It's sort of. Some people didn't care for it, but he plays sort of like a hard boiled, kind of Raymond Chandler type detective with a secret. I enjoyed it on Apple tv. Check it out if you haven't seen it. Didn't really get much love. Like a lot of those Apple TV shows. Kind seemed to not be promoted at all. I don't understand it. Like slow horses. Y'all don't sleep on slow horses.

[Ben]

That's fabulous.

[Noel]

If you're into.

[Ben]

Did you know Gary Oldman is in that?

[Noel]

Yes, sir. I Do. Yeah, he looks. This is one of the rare Gary Oldman's, where he pretty much looks like Gary Oldman, but he loves the role.

[Ben]

He looks like. He looks like Gutter Oldman in this one.

[Noel]

That's true. He is pretty. He's pretty sleazy. I love him very much.

[Ben]

But we digress. We want you to know there was immense religious and social significance to the idea of the ball game. If you look at Maya sites in particular, you will see some researchers arguing that to the audience, the ball was symbolically the sun and the court itself was the underworld. So can we save daylight from the dark? That's a very powerful thing for an audience.

[Noel]

It's the ultimate battle, you know, the battle between light and dark, good and evil. And we always talk about in those days how much sense it makes that there was all of this worship of deities in the hopes that they would, you know, turn the sun on again the next day. You know, it would be cool if you guys could maybe do that. But there were also, back to the Olmecs, massive stone sculptures of various versions, depictions of the game. But some of the ones that I think are the most interesting are these heads that are found oftentimes near the homes of the chiefs. You know, because this was like a massive cultural thing.

[Ben]

Check me on this, Noel. I don't know the Olmec stuff. Well, I believe in Maya it would be a hacha, a representation of a human head, I think.

[Noel]

That's right. Yeah. But one in particular of an Olmec head is found in Parque Muso la Venta in Mexico. And it depicts this person with really dope, stretched lobes, but also with something resembling what we would think of as a helmet, like one of the. You've ever seen that movie? What is it? Leathernecks. About, like, old school football. And they used to have those literal kind of leather little caps on, very much looking like that, but probably didn't save them too much from, like, having their bones splintered into powder.

[Ben]

Yeah, yeah. They got their role rocked, as we used to say. Another. Another question we might have. If we are playing the ball game or if we have to participate in it, is not just what happens if I lose, it's what happens if I win. You don't just save your life. You apparently receive trophies. And one of those trophies would be, like we were talking about just a second ago, Noel, a hacha, a representation of a human head with a handle on it. And you could use it. Is it cool?

[Noel]

I mean, is it cool? What do you Mean like it's that you carry it around as a flex, like a. Like a handbag, a seat. It seems a little unwieldy, doesn't it?

[Ben]

So imagine you were kidnapped by some aggressive, bellicose civilization. You are a prisoner of war, a refugee. They throw you into this court with people you don't know from a can of paint and they say, you have to play this game or we will kill you. And they give you a human head to play with, right? And then because you didn't die right, as your shins are broken and you're laying there in the ground, they say, you won and we got you a treat. And here it is. It's a carved version of a human head.

[Noel]

So you're saying it might be a little triggering to the people who've been freshly traumatized.

[Ben]

I think it wouldn't be the best day.

[Noel]

I guess maybe not, but I don't know. But you gotta imagine too that they would have kind of ringers, you know, like the top players, you know, who were known. And they would make sure, just like in the Gladiator battles, you would have your, you know, like decked out, Mad Max looking fellows that would absolutely obliterate the lesser armed, you know, slaves or captives who were thrown into the ring. I just have to imagine there maybe was a culture of like, you know, top players, the way we think of celebrity athletes here in the United States or around the world, really. See Gladiator 2 only in theaters November 22nd.

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Regulatory fees included for qualifying accounts. $35 connection charge applies. And so we find ourselves yet again on a continuing journey. The ball game as we know it is not currently practiced officially today. Currently and officially are doing a lot of work in that sentence.

[Noel]

But in Mesoamerica, in this part of the world, soccer is king.

[Ben]

Of course it's huge.

[Noel]

I mean, it's absolutely, you know, hugely influential and popular Sport. So, I mean, in my mind, I always pictured this game, from the little I knew about it before doing this episode, as resembling soccer more closely. So it's interesting to see that, you know, when you're talking about using your hips or your elbows. I'm also picturing the way soccer players can like pass a ball between their feet, you know, or juggle a ball kind of, or your head do moves with their heads. So maybe there were some things that it had in common with soccer.

[Ben]

You'd also have to be very careful with your lower limbs, considering the weight and the speed of that rubber ball. We. I don't know.

[Noel]

Rubber, interestingly, by the way, I don't think we mentioned that this. But this part of the world is where rubber plants. A lot of rubber imports come from things like latex, you know, from naturally occurring trees. So they would have had access to this raw material and used to make these balls that would, you know, kind of have a little bit of give when you. When you kicked them around or batted them around.

[Ben]

And then later, Henry Ford got so pissed off about paying for rubber.

[Noel]

That's right.

[Ben]

That he started his own ill fated town in Brazil called Fordlandia.

[Noel]

Oh my gosh, Ben, I do remember this vaguely, either from an episode of this podcast or our sister podcast stuff that I want you to know. But can you kind of remind us how that all went down?

[Ben]

It's a true story and perhaps not one the Jedi will tell you.

[Noel]

Fordlandia was not to be confused with Portlandia.

[Ben]

Not to be confused. Yeah. And that's a great note. Fordlandia was created in 1928 by Henry Ford, wherein he tried to make a Norman Rockwell painting come to life. And spoiler, he failed.

[Noel]

You can't win them all, Henry Ford.

[Ben]

Yeah, town is still around if you want to visit there. It's not super big. There are like 3,000 people there as of 2018 or so.

[Noel]

Got it. Okay, well, maybe we should schedule a ridiculous field trip one of these days. I would love to check it out. Seems like it might be a little Salton Sea esque, maybe a little like an abandoned ghost town kind of vibes. Yeah, I did want to maybe wrap with just one more interesting legend. A famous bout of ball game took place at the Aztec capital. And I'm going to do my best here of Tenochtitlan. I think that's right between the Aztec king. Here's where I'm going to fail miserably. Moteco Zoma Zakopoyotsen. Yeah. X O C O Y O T Z I N against the King of Texcoco. The King of Texcoco had predicted. We mentioned this, but another use of this was as a way of predicting the future. The King of Textoto had predicted that Motok Zoma's kingdom would fall. And the game was essentially a way of testing him on his prophecy. Kind of interesting. Sort of makes it a self fulfilling prophecy in a way, right? Yeah.

[Ben]

It's like trial by ordeal.

[Noel]

Yes.

[Ben]

In parts of your.

[Noel]

That's right. Trial by combat. Of course.

[Ben]

Trial by combat, yeah.

[Noel]

Will you be my champion, Ben? If I was called to trial by combat?

[Ben]

100%.

[Noel]

Thanks, Bud. I'd do the same for you. And it is recorded here. It's part of the official record. So you can't. No. Takes these backseats.

[Ben]

Are you in a situation?

[Noel]

Not yet, Ben. But you never know. You never know what could happen. Especially given, you know, potential changes in regime.

[Ben]

Oh, geez. Yeah. As ever, we also have to acknowledge this proves a larger philosophical point about the nature of sports. Even today, in many sporting areas. God, I sound like the old uncle at the reunion.

[Noel]

Yes. Come children. Join us in the sporting area for a friendly. For a friendly contest.

[Ben]

Hello, fellow children. I understand there is a pig skin. Which is a matter of debate indeed. Yeah. So what we see though is that the nature of sport, the nature of play, and I love the word you mentioned in our previous episode, the nature of sporto is really more than just messing around. It is meant to carry certain sociological or cultural mores. Like we're talking about religion, we're talking about divination, we're talking about human death. Also, even now, any sports fan can tell you supporting your favorite team becomes a lot like having a religion, Right?

[Noel]

Do you know the comedian Kyle? Oh geez, what the heck is his last name? He was the weird SNL guy.

[Ben]

Kyle Mooney.

[Noel]

Kyle Mooney has this incredible sketch from his early YouTube days where he's just this dude wearing a jacket that has all of the different types of sports balls on it. And he's just talking about, it's my. My team. We gotta support our team. And the guy and his roommate's like, what are you talk. What team are you talking about?

[Ben]

Which one?

[Noel]

And then he's describing these very amorphous rules and he's just talking about Benjuls. It was a bad call, Benjils. You gotta win the game. Make all the points. Anyway, it's very funny.

[Ben]

Let's also point this out. Speaking of points, look, a lot of the stuff we understand about the ball game now comes from the Spaniards who encroached into the area.

[Noel]

They're the ones who describe some of the horrific injuries that could take place.

[Ben]

And indeed attempted to vilify and dehumanize the civilizations that they encountered. So we have to remember that to our earlier point, we also wanted to give you a dope beat to step to. There are more weird sports or ridiculous sports that we will explore together in future episodes. One that I thought would be super fun for us to try is fisherman jousting, but we'll see.

[Noel]

That's not real.

[Ben]

It was. It was a real thing in the Nile in ancient Egypt. Dude, I'm telling you, you would have.

[Noel]

And I think you're in denial about the existence of this sport. Him. Yeah, I'm kidding. It's real. It's real.

[Ben]

So the. These two teams of boatmen would square off. They would have their hands and feet in play. The idea was you knock the other team off balance. Two boats going together and you're pushing each other, you're smacking each other. The issue was, you know, that hippos and crocodiles are in the Nile. So if you. If your boat got pushed, you might get E.T.

[Noel]

No way. Ate by a croc.

[Ben]

Yes way, Ted.

[Noel]

Oh, man. That doesn't sound like fun.

[Ben]

So I'll pass.

[Noel]

I'll take a pass on that one.

[Ben]

So I think just more. I think we can agree that sports in general, historically are a little more violent than the sports we see today.

[Noel]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, you know, we talked about traumatic brain injuries and issues. You know, of course, there's some brutal sports like boxing and ufc, fighting and all of that, that are kind of holdovers in a way, or remnants. But they're still, by the standards of what we're talking about, pretty sanitized. These boats. By the way, Ben, in fisherman jousting, weren't they made of, like, papyrus? That doesn't seem like the best material to build a seafaring vessel out of.

[Ben]

You gotta make it interesting.

[Noel]

Guess so. It's sort of like the pumpkin. What is it? The pumpkin. Giant pumpkin kayaking. How long is that thing gonna flow? That is. I mean, that's a little more charming.

[Ben]

Probably not as violent, but a little less dangerous. Fewer hippopotamus involved.

[Noel]

But can we end on a really silly one? I just. The name alone, for some reason, makes me think of Futurama. I don't know why the idea of worm charming, like, it seems so low stakes. I love it very much. I don't think Competitive worm charming.

[Ben]

Possible. I love that you mentioned this because it's like dowsing, but for worms. So instead of finding water, worm charming is the method of somehow summoning earthworms from the ground and hypnotizing them.

[Noel]

Them. Correct.

[Ben]

Maybe like snake charming.

[Noel]

Okay, okay.

[Ben]

You know, it's also called worm grunting or worm fiddling.

[Noel]

Yeah.

[Ben]

You've heard worm grunting?

[Noel]

I've heard of worm grunting. I have heard of worm grunting.

[Ben]

No way.

[Noel]

Yes, sir, I certainly have. That is actually what I heard it referred to as initially. But it is very popular in the UK. I think it started pretty recently, 1980 in Williston, Cheshire. And the world record, I believe, is in the hand of a woman named Sophie Smith. A 10 year old. A young woman. How many worms did she charm?

[Ben]

Yeah. Also, why did you make it competitive, folks? Just for funsies. There is some science though, to worm charming. It evolves a vibration of the soil.

[Noel]

Okay. And I'll answer my own question. It was 567 worms that young Sophie Smith.

[Ben]

That's a lot summons.

[Noel]

That's a lot of worms to summon from the earth. I'm impressed, young Sophie Smith.

[Ben]

Good job, Sophie.

[Noel]

Indeed. We talked about hobby horsing already last time, which was a delight. But yeah, Ben, I think. I think we're probably at the end of our second part on history's oddest sports.

[Ben]

Yes. And we continue our exploration. Folks, thanks so much for tuning in. Big thanks to our super producer, Mr. Max Williams. If you are wondering, why are you guys not talking about more western sports in the modern day. Well get the to your podcast platform of choice. Subscribe. Oh, what am I supposed to say? Like from the YouTube days. Smash that like button and subscribe because we have an amazing episode coming up for you all about weird stuff that happened on baseball fields.

[Noel]

Yeah, and some major malfunctions involving retractable roofs. Tune in folks. In the meantime, huge thanks to super producer Max Williams and Alex Williams, who composed this theme.

[Ben]

Big, big thanks to our number one commissioner of the Mesoamerican ballgame, Jonathan Strickland, AKA the Quizzter. Big, big thanks to AJ behind Thomas Jacobs, who is just, gosh, just the coolest cucumber. You know what I mean?

[Noel]

Indeed. That's why he's like a Bahama Breeze.

[Ben]

There it is.

[Noel]

Picture him in a hammock at all times. I think he mentioned that as well.

[Ben]

Gabe Luzier, Christopher Haciotes, Eve's Jeffcoats here in spirit. Who else? Who else?

[Noel]

Geez, I'd sure love to thank you, Ben, the my, my, my worm charmer, whatever that means. Do with that what you will.

[Ben]

I'd call it H.R.

[Noel]

Oh man. We'll see you next time, folks. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

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