Ridiculous History: Victorians Got Super Weird With Flirting, Part Two: Courtship and Calling Cards

Release Date: February 6, 2025

In the second installment of the "Victorians Got Super Weird With Flirting" series, hosts Ben Bolan and Noel Brown delve deeper into the intricate and often bizarre methods of courtship practiced during the Victorian era. This episode, produced by iHeartPodcasts, uncovers the elaborate social codes and secretive practices that governed romantic interactions in a time of strict societal norms and gender roles.

Introduction to Victorian Flirting Methods

Ben opens the discussion by reflecting on part one, where the hosts explored fan codes and postage stamp codes as means of flirtation. Noel builds on this by introducing the concept of escort cards, a sophisticated evolution of the traditional calling card used exclusively by the aristocracy.

“The flirtation acquaintance or escort card. They were a purposeful kind of sexy play on the calling card,” Noel Brown explains [04:19].

Escort Cards: The Victorian Love Letters

Escort cards served as discreet tools for expressing romantic interest. Unlike standard calling cards, which were more formal and business-like, escort cards contained subtle cues and messages tailored for romantic purposes. These cards often featured ornate designs and clever wordplay to convey intentions without overtly breaching societal decorum.

“Escort cards were often used to encourage that kind of secrecy that people really like in flirtation,” Ben Bolan notes [09:01].

The Role of Chaperones and Social Gatekeepers

In an era where young women were typically accompanied by chaperones, usually family members or servants, direct romantic advances were heavily restricted. Noel elaborates on how escort cards allowed men to express interest without the woman needing to directly respond in the presence of their chaperone.

“A young man could opt to slip his crush an escort card and in turn then she could respond via the signal detailed in the card or return a card of her own,” Noel Brown states [10:10].

Subtle Communication and Coded Language

The conversation shifts to the nuanced language and symbols used in escort cards. The hosts discuss how these cards incorporated double entendres and coded messages to communicate intentions discreetly.

“They would of borderline greeting card-esque messages, which maybe more co-opted from this type of language,” Noel Brown observes [11:24].

Connection to Modern Culture and Media

Ben brings a contemporary twist by referencing American Psycho and its protagonist, Patrick Bateman, to illustrate how coded language in courtship has permeated modern media, albeit with a dark twist.

“Sounds like a Patrick Bateman pickup line. Let’s get acquainted for fun and results,” Ben Bolan quips [11:27].

Escort Cards and Queer Communication

A significant portion of the episode addresses how escort cards may have served as a covert communication method within the queer community during the Victorian era. Noel highlights the parallels between escort cards and later LGBTQ+ communication methods, such as the handkerchief codes of the 1970s.

“These escort cards may have carried purposeful typos and shout-outs as a way of communicating with one another in a time where this kind of thing would have been completely verboten,” Noel Brown explains [20:17].

Modern Implications and Legacy

The hosts draw connections between Victorian flirting codes and modern systems of coded communication used by various cultures worldwide. Ben shares a personal anecdote about accidental miscommunication while courting in Guatemala, underscoring the enduring complexity of non-verbal and coded courtship methods.

“These systems of coded communication can still be quite unfamiliar to many Americans, but they are prevalent in cultures around the world,” Ben Bolan reflects [23:07].

Victorian Classifieds as Early Personal Ads

Noel introduces the concept of Victorian classified ads as the precursor to modern personal ads and "missed connections." These ads provided a platform for individuals to seek romantic partners discreetly, bypassing the need for direct interaction in the presence of chaperones.

“These personal ads were dead drops because the person replying to you, you wouldn't know who was reading it,” Ben Bolan discusses [33:03].

Impact on Gender Roles and Feminism

The episode touches on the demographic imbalance in Victorian Great Britain, where women outnumbered men by over half a million. This imbalance spurred a reevaluation of gender roles and contributed to the early feminist movement, advocating for women's rights in the workplace and beyond.

“This was seen as a genuine crisis and forced the Victorians to kind of re-evaluate their understanding of gender roles and led to something of a feminist movement,” Noel Brown states [35:57].

Queer Relationships and Social Acceptance

Ben and Noel explore instances of queer relationships during the Victorian era, highlighting how escort cards and other coded methods provided a semblance of privacy and safety for same-sex couples. They reference historical images depicting close platonic relationships that subtly hinted at romantic bonds, challenging the strictly heteronormative narratives of the time.

“These women lived together and raised him as his parents. It was not something that they were hiding per se, or ashamed of,” Noel Brown recounts [38:56].

Conclusion: The Irony of Repression and Desire

In wrapping up, the hosts reflect on the paradoxical nature of Victorian repression, which often led to more elaborate and, in their view, "weirder" methods of expressing desire. They argue that strict societal norms didn't quell romantic or sexual expression but instead pushed it into more creative and sometimes more intense forms.

“Prohibition very rarely works out the way its imposers intend. This even affected Victorian furniture... but it's another example of how Prohibition very rarely works out the way its imposers intend,” Ben Bolan concludes [39:36].

Final Thoughts and Teasers for Future Episodes

Ben, Noel, and producer Max Williams share a light-hearted sign-off, thanking their contributors and hinting at future topics that will continue to explore the quirky and unconventional aspects of historical social practices.

“We're super mature. And we're so happy that you have tuned in and joined us for part two of the Ridiculous History of Victorian Flirting,” Ben Bolan remarks [43:53].

Key Takeaways

• Escort Cards were a sophisticated method for Victorian aristocrats to discreetly express romantic interest amidst strict social norms.

• Chaperones played a significant role in regulating courtship, making indirect communication methods like escort cards essential.

• Coded Language and Symbols in flirting fostered secrecy and subtlety, laying groundwork for future coded communication systems in various cultures.

• Queer Relationships utilized these codes for discreet communication in a repressive society, highlighting early forms of LGBTQ+ expression.

• Victorian Courtship Practices have left a lasting legacy on modern dating and communication methods, illustrating the enduring creativity in human social interactions.

This episode offers a fascinating glimpse into how societal constraints can shape and even magnify the ways humans connect and express affection, blending historical analysis with engaging anecdotes and modern parallels.