Podcast Summary: Right About Now – Legendary Business Advice

Episode: The 'Wrong Wall' Trap: Why Ambitious Leaders Fail to Find True Success | Mark J. Silverman
Host: Ryan Alford
Guest: Mark J. Silverman (Author of Only Tens, The Rising Leader Handbook, Executive Coach)
Date: October 10, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of Right About Now features a frank, insightful conversation between host Ryan Alford and executive leadership coach Mark J. Silverman. The core theme centers on why driven, successful leaders often still feel unfulfilled—what Mark calls "climbing the ladder on the wrong wall"—and how authentic leadership and self-awareness are critical for real, sustainable success. The discussion dives into the pitfalls of unchecked ambition, the realities of modern team dynamics, and practical steps to becoming the kind of leader others want to follow.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Modern Leadership Dilemma

Timestamps: [00:26], [01:46], [02:35]

• Leadership demands more “people time” than most anticipate.

  “If you think it takes a lot of people time, it takes even more of that. And it takes your patience, it takes your presence in order to guide people.”
  — Mark J. Silverman [00:26]

• Rising through the ranks for being ambitious doesn’t prepare you for emotional intelligence or people management.
  Both Ryan and Mark reflect on personal leadership missteps early in their careers.

• Nervous system and emotional regulation are underrated skills:
  “When life throws speed bumps at you…when your ducks are running around like crazy and your people are just not being what looks like sane. Staying on track is really hard.”
  — Mark J. Silverman [01:46]

2. Defining and Pursuing Real Success

Timestamps: [03:20], [03:28]

• Success means knowing yourself first:
  “The most important thing is knowing who you are and then knowing what you want. What is the outcome you want? ... How you want to feel, who you want to be with when you get there is probably the most important thing.”
  — Mark J. Silverman [03:28]

• Not everyone operates with rigid goal orientation:
  Mark admits he’s “not very goal oriented,” but he’s clear on the person he wants to be, how he wants to feel, and who he wants to impact along the way. [04:13]

3. The Rising Leader Handbook Principles

Timestamps: [04:33], [04:38]

• Four levels of leadership:

  • Leading up (becoming a trusted advisor to those above you)
  • Leading across (collaborating with peer leaders)
  • Leading the team (direct reports)
  • Leading yourself (self-awareness, discipline, fulfillment)

• Self-leadership as the foundation: “That's the most important thing. How are you navigating family, success, work, money, pressure, all of those things?”
  — Mark J. Silverman [04:38]

4. The Inward Journey: Why Self-Work Matters

Timestamps: [05:30], [05:53]

• Building outward leadership must start inward:
  Ryan draws the analogy of the airplane oxygen mask — take care of yourself first so you can help others.

• True fulfillment and sustainability:
  “I've watched too many of my contemporaries crash and burn.... The best self help, best spiritual program in the world is to become an entrepreneur. ... And it always comes full circle to who are you? What makes you tick, what makes you worthwhile and happy and what is going to be sustainable.”
  — Mark J. Silverman [05:53]

5. Leading Across: The Hidden Challenge

Timestamps: [06:31], [06:48]

• Ego-check is essential:
  Mark shares his own struggle—either taking over or stepping back, but rarely collaborating as a true peer.

• “Coopetition” over competition:
  “You want it to be coopetition, you want to shine, you want to get promoted, but ... making sure all boats rise.”
  — Mark J. Silverman [06:48]

• Building authentic relationships helps sustain success in a cutthroat world:
  “[Even] in the face of people who are cutthroat, dishonest … if you can take the high road and you can really make your own way, it always, always, always brings you where you need to be.”

6. Coaching the “Alpha”: Tame the Dominant Doer

Timestamps: [07:48], [08:32]

• Why care about others?
  “Mark, why do I have to care about other people? Why can't we just get shit done?"
  — Mark J. Silverman recalls common client resistance [08:32]

• Mark reframes the question: what kind of work environment, legacy, relationships do you want?

• Michael Jordan metaphor: Jordan learned to win only after embracing teamwork instead of solo domination.

7. Practical Leadership Takeaways

Timestamps: [09:20], [09:34]

• Two key practices:

  1. Health Baseline:
     “Take care of your sleep, your exercise, your food and your well being. If you're tired and you're grumpy and you're on edge, you're in fight or flight. ... You're just at a deficit from the get go.”
     — Mark J. Silverman [09:34]

  2. Contemplation Practice:
     “Sit and drink coffee without your phone. ... So you can sit with other people's feelings and thoughts and craziness and stay centered and grounded.”

• Self-care and grounded presence are foundational for all leadership effectiveness.

Notable Quotes

• “If you think [leadership] takes a lot of people time, it takes even more of that.”
  — Mark J. Silverman [00:26]

• “The most important thing is knowing who you are and then knowing what you want.”
  — Mark J. Silverman [03:28]

• “You start working on all these outer goals...and it always comes full circle to who are you? What makes you tick, what makes you worthwhile and happy and what ... is going to be sustainable.”
  — Mark J. Silverman [05:53]

• “You want to be seen, you want to get promoted, but you want to do that in the context of making sure all boats rise and that's the way to do it.”
  — Mark J. Silverman [06:48]

• “If you're in fight or flight, you can't be creative, you can't create relationship, you can't think.”
  — Mark J. Silverman [09:34]

Key Segments & Timestamps

• Introduction & Problem Framing: [00:00–02:35]
• Success, Fulfillment, and the “Wrong Wall” Trap: [03:20–04:33]
• Leadership Principles from The Rising Leader Handbook: [04:38–05:53]
• Inward Leadership & Entrepreneurial Wisdom: [05:30–06:31]
• Leading Peers and “Alpha” Leadership Challenges: [06:31–08:32]
• Immediate Takeaways for Developing Leaders: [09:20–10:14]
• Resource Plugs & Wrap-Up: [10:14–10:57]

Resources Mentioned

• Mark J. Silverman’s Website: markjsilverman.com
• Free copy of Only Tens available on his website
• Books: Only Tens, The Rising Leader Handbook
• Podcast: The Rising Leader Podcast

Closing Tone

Both host and guest maintain an energetic, no-nonsense, practical tone throughout, peppered with relatable anecdotes and candid personal reflections. The message for listeners: success in business and leadership isn’t about following a pre-built map—it's about defining your own goals, developing a genuine awareness of self and others, and weaving personal well-being with ambition for a more sustainable journey at the top.

For further details and the full episode, visit RyanIsRight.com, where you can also find highlight clips and resources mentioned above.