Why Asking for the Sale Is the Worst Move You Can Make | Paul Ross

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Right About Now – Legendary Business Advice

Episode: Why Asking for the Sale Is the Worst Move You Can Make | Paul Ross
Host: Ryan Alford (Radcast Network)
Guest: Paul Ross
Date: February 24, 2026

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Overview

In this episode, host Ryan Alford sits down with Paul Ross, former founder of the global pickup and seduction community, now a subconscious sales trainer for elite teams. Ross flips traditional sales wisdom on its head, arguing that asking for the sale is the worst move you can make. Instead, he advocates for seeding the prospect's subconscious mind so they convince themselves to buy. The discussion dives deep into NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), the psychology of persuasion, and why helping prospects trust themselves is the real secret to closing deals.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why "Asking for the Sale" Is Wrong

• Paul Ross never asks for the order; he teaches teams to avoid it too.
  • Instead, “seed the prospect's subconscious mind so they've already convinced themselves to buy. Rather than asking for the order, you're extending the opportunity for them to complete the decision they've already made in the subconscious level.” (Paul Ross, 00:00, 01:21)
• This approach is about inviting rather than asking, reframing the close as an extension, not a confrontation.

From Seduction to Sales: Unconventional Roots

• Paul’s backstory: He entered sales training from the world of seduction, after leveraging NLP to transform his own life.
  • “When I was a young man, I could not get a woman in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons… Then I stumbled on something called nlp Neuro linguistic programming… I began to become attractive to women… And then I started seeing my students using these techniques in sales.” (Paul Ross, 02:08-03:12)
• The big revelation: The emotional/psychological levers that work in attraction work just as effectively in sales.

Focus—The Core Currency of Influence

• “The currency of all influence, persuasion, seduction sales, is focus.” (Paul Ross, 03:50)
• With attention spans at "the approximate focus of a mosquito,” old-school rapport building is obsolete. Instead, you must:
  • Engineer focus and emotional states in your prospects, using language that gets past the conscious mind.
  • “Language structures consciousness, shapes decisions and most importantly drives behavior…you have to get past the conscious filters and into the subconscious.” (Paul Ross, 04:36)

Sales Is an Emotional, Subconscious Process

• Key insight: “We know that the most important decisions are made emotionally and emotional decisions are generated on the subconscious level.” (Paul Ross, 04:54) ‐ Sales mirrors dating: building rapport, qualifying, overcoming objections, seeking referrals/repeat business.

Breakthroughs for High-Performers

• The show targets top-20% performers who feel stuck at a plateau.
  • “If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten. You need to do something radically different that's outside of the box and a little bit crazy.” (Paul Ross, 06:31)
• Paul actively seeks unconventional thinkers—people open to “a nutty mindset.”

Language Patterns That Move the Needle

• Trust is multidimensional: It's not just trusting the seller, but getting the prospect to trust themselves.
• Paul’s framework for language:
  • Use implied relationship words to create closeness and shared experience:
    • e.g. “Before we begin our exploration together…” instead of “Today I’m going to show you…”
    • “Exploration” is a hypnotic word—it presumes a leader/follower dynamic. (Paul Ross, 08:25)
    • “Invite you to share any questions” instead of “ask you to share”—less confrontational, more collaborative.
• “In a matter of two or three minutes, we've created states of trust in themselves, compliance with you, a deep subconscious sense that you are on the same side.” (Paul Ross, 09:45)

Patterns, Fear, and the Child Within

• Everyone wants to be led, even the so-called authorities.
  • “Inside of every seeming adult is a 7 year old child who wants to be convinced.” (Paul Ross, 10:41)
• “We are pattern making machines.” Sales is about creating new patterns and guiding prospects toward seeing new possibilities.
• Central issue: “How do you get the prospect to trust themselves?” If they don’t, “they’re not going to make a decision.” (Paul Ross, 11:36)

Selling to the "Yes" Part of the Brain

• Yes-ladders are old hat; modern prospects see through them.
• Instead, get prospects to expand their sense of what’s possible:
  • “Most people don’t believe that better is possible for themselves…prospect not only doesn’t trust themselves, they often don’t believe they deserve to have what you have to offer, particularly if it's around money.” (Paul Ross, 11:58)
• Use suggestion and implication, not direct statements:
  • “As we’re having this conversation together, I’m not sure all the ways you might feel an expanding sense of possibility…” (Paul Ross, 14:35)
  • The longer the conversation lasts, the more interest builds (a paradoxical “forward loop”).

Realistic Expectations: This Is Hard Work

• Paul admits: “What I teach is powerful, but it takes a lot of work. It’s like learning a second language.” (Paul Ross, 15:36) ‐ Mastery isn’t quick—requires ongoing practice and openness to strange new approaches.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On not asking for the order:

  • “I never asked for the order…Rather than asking for the order, you're extending the opportunity for them to complete the decision they've already made in the subconscious level.” (Paul Ross, 00:00, 01:21)

• On transferable skills from seduction to sales:

  • “If you take nothing away other than this…The currency of all influence, persuasion, seduction, sales, is focus.” (Paul Ross, 03:50)

• On leading and language:

  • “Before we begin our exploration together… 'Exploration' is a very, very subtly hypnotic word.” (Paul Ross, 08:25)
  • “Invite you to… is much more effective than 'ask you to.'” (Paul Ross, 09:15)

• On prospects needing to trust themselves:

  • “It's not just that a confused mind makes no choices. A mind that doesn't trust itself runs from choices.” (Paul Ross, 11:44)

• On expanding possibilities:

  • “You can’t do that consciously…You have to imply it. You have to use the power of suggestion, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.” (Paul Ross, 14:21)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00-01:21 — Paul on why he never asks for the sale; subconscious seeding
• 02:08-03:12 — Paul’s journey from seduction community to sales trainer
• 03:17-05:42 — Focus as the core currency of influence and its role in sales
• 08:25-10:17 — Exact language patterns and why implied relationship words work
• 11:36-11:48 — Why getting prospects to trust themselves is the secret sauce
• 11:58-14:00 — Selling to the “yes” part of the brain; expanding the prospect’s unconscious possibilities
• 14:05-15:53 — Practical application: using suggestion to create an “expanding sense of possibility”
• 15:53-17:08 — Resources from Paul for high-performing listeners

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Takeaways & Actionable Insights

• Sales isn’t about pressure. Instead, it’s about suggestion, subconscious influence, and making prospects feel they’re completing their decision themselves.
• Modern buyers have seen every traditional tactic. To break through, you must be unconventional, subtle, and skilled at suggestion.
• Language and trust are your main tools. Building the prospect’s self-trust is as important as building their trust in you.
• Mastery requires ongoing practice. This isn’t a “sales hack”—it’s a deeper discipline, akin to learning a new language.
• High performers will get the biggest gains. If you’re already at the top, these methods could help you break your personal sales ceiling.

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Further Resources

• Paul Ross’ Free Resources for Listeners:
  • The “Subconscious Selling Domination System”
  • The “Instant Trust Quick Start Training” and “Subconscious Selling Conversion Vault”
  • Access: www.sellwithsuggestion.com/rightaboutnow (15:57)

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For listeners looking to ditch old-school sales tricks and fundamentally up their persuasion game, this episode is a masterclass in subconscious selling—provided you’re willing to put in the work.

Transcript

[Paul Ross]

I never asked for the order. And I train my teams. Whoever I'm training never to ask for the order. But first seed the prospect's subconscious mind. So they've already convinced themselves to buy. Rather than asking for the order, you're extending the opportunity for them to complete the decision they've already made in the subconscious level.

[Ryan Alford]

This is right about now. With Ryan Alford, a Radcast Network production. We are the number one business show on the planet with over 1 million downloads a month, taking the BS out of business for over 6 years in over 400 episodes. You ready to start snapping next and cashing checks? Well, it starts right about now.

What if everything you've been taught about sales is backwards? Today's guest went from being the founder of the worldwide pickup and seduction community to being an elite subconscious sales trainer for Fortune 500 sales teams. Along the way, he learned why rapport is overrated, why most people are selling to the wrong part of the brain, and how to close deals in a single day usually took a month. This episode is probably going to piss off a lot of sales trainers, I hope. And that's exactly why I wanted to have him on. Paul Ross, welcome. Right about now.

[Paul Ross]

Thanks for having me on the show.

[Ryan Alford]

As much as of a marketer I am, I don't ask for the order enough. I always say to my wife, just ask for the order, baby. What do you want to happen?

[Paul Ross]

I never asked for the order. And I train my teams, whoever I'm training, never to ask for the order. But first seed the prospect, subconscious mind. So they've already convinced themselves to buy. Rather than asking for the order, you're extending the opportunity for them to complete the decision they've already made. In the subconscious level, my way of looking at sales is completely off the wall. I only work with people who are unconventional thinkers and want something that disconnects the dots, colors outside the lines and thinks outside the box.

[Ryan Alford]

This whole show was built on being outside the box of your traditional business show. And go figure. We've been number one on Apple for four years running. Sometimes unconventional works I want to talk about. From seduction to the boardroom. You have one of the more unconventional paths into sales TR training that I've ever heard.

[Paul Ross]

When I was a young man, I could not get a woman in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons. I was involuntary celibate. I tried everything. I tried prayer, you name it. Propitiation to the gods, you name it. And then I stumbled on something called nlp Neuro linguistic programming. It's a way of structuring your language so you get people to make decisions and create emotional states on the subconscious level. I began to apply that to my personal issues. And I began to become attractive to women, got girlfriends, got into some very nice relationships. And about 15, 15 years into that long career, I started getting emails from students who said, here's pictures of my kids. Because of you, I found a family. And by the way, I'm in sales and business and I've used your techniques in sales. Sales have gone up by 300% or sometimes the numbers were lesser. And I thought, holy shit, dumbass, why didn't you think of that? I went into my mad scientist language lab for a year and mapped it all over. And then I began taking on any client I could just to hone and perfect the process. That's a very condensed version of a long, very interested story.

[Ryan Alford]

What skills carried over surprisingly well from that psychology into corporate sales?

[Paul Ross]

I used to do corporate and now I work with smaller teams. The challenge I found with big corporations is there's a lot of politics involved and you have to bump things up the chain. I don't need the money anymore. I love money, but I'd rather help people who have smaller teams.

[Ryan Alford]

Maybe it's just sales as a whole, probably more familiar than most with nlp. I have a lot of friends that are practitioners, coaches, etc. I was just curious, at least from your seduction psychology, what skills carried over into sales?

[Paul Ross]

The first thing is learning to create states of intense focus. Here's a lesson, and if you take nothing away other than this, ladies and gentlemen, this is crucial. The currency of all influence, persuasion, seduction sales, is focus. If you can't get the other person to focus, then I don't care what your offer is, I don't care how you present it, what the benefits are. People nowadays, because of these things and everything they receive on them. And be honest with yourself, ladies and gentlemen, how many times have you scrolled through your phone? They have the approximate focus of a mosquito. You no longer have the 10, 15, 20 minutes to use the old rapport techniques. The first thing I learned is I have to get a woman to focus in on me. The second thing I learned is engineering emotional states that talking about what I do for a living or what she does for a living or fact based conversation doesn't really do it. I had to learn how to structure emotions. Focus, fascination, a feeling of intense connection, desire, arousal. And I found that you do that by language, you do it by intent, but you do it by language so you get fancy schmancy about it and nerdy language structures consciousness, shapes decisions and most importantly drives behavior. I had to learn how to structure my communication in a way that gets past the conscious filters and into the subconscious. We know that the most most important decisions are made emotionally and emotional decisions are generated on the subconscious level. Ryan, did you ever just find yourself falling in love?

[Ryan Alford]

Yeah, I've been known to fall in love a couple times.

[Paul Ross]

Okay. All right. Was that really a fact check, fact based decision or is it something that just came upon you, you just found it happened and later you came up with justifications and reasons and checked the person against your value system, etc. Etc.

[Ryan Alford]

Yeah, I think it was definitely emotional feeling based then more practical.

[Paul Ross]

Right. And those arise from the subconscious. Now oftentimes they're based on traumatic memories, that kind of stuff. Do you see the connection? And also if you think about a date is kind of a sale, you have to get rapport, you have to do your qualification, you have to do your trial closes, you have to overcome objections and then if you're lucky, you get returns and you get repeat performances and you even get referrals. I come from outside traditional sales. I can see things that are other people in the field cannot see. And I can also see what's mythology or what used to work but no longer works. And part of the people I work with, a big portion of who I work with are people who are already in the top 20% of their sales field. Listen now, ladies and gentlemen, you've hit a ceiling. You're grinding harder, you're pushing harder, but you're barely moving that needle and you're getting exhausted. Team is getting exhausted. And you think by pushing harder on the old stuff you're going to start making exponential leaps, but you can't. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten. You need to do something radically different that's outside of the box and a little bit crazy. When I screen people, I genuinely really, of course, screened for their ability to invest. But also are they willing to take on a nutty mindset, A mindset that goes, okay, this seems a little batshit, but I'm going to take it on.

[Ryan Alford]

I sort of made my way in marketing with my own intuition and going left when people went right. Marketing and sales sort together. You're trying to get someone to take an action, to move them from point A to point D or point C and how you get them there.

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[Ryan Alford]

What is that? Sales languaging that moves the needle.

[Paul Ross]

Your prospect has to trust you, but they no longer trust themselves to make a good decision. How do we create that trust in themselves? Compliance with you that goes beyond rapport and a sense that you are their leader. If I was doing a sales presentation, the traditional way is Ladies, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Joe Schmo. Today I'm going to be showing you how blah blah blah is going to create these benefits I know you want in your business. Who's excited? Blah blah blah blah. Instead I use what I call implied relationship words. I would say before we is the first implied relationship. It's not I'm doing something to you, it's something we're doing together before we begin our. Not before I do something to you. Before we begin our exploration. Exploration is a very, very subtly hypnotic word. I'm going to tell why. For every exploration there must be starts with a letter L. A leader. And for every leader there must be starts with the letter F. Exactly. So the minute they hear that word, the implication on the unconscious subconscious level is oh, that's not just someone I trust. I am their follower. And followers are not a matter of rapport or they have trust, but they also comply. Because if they don't comply, they get into trouble. Before we begin our effort exploration together, that's another implied relationship word. Can I please invite you not asked. You can I invite you to please share the questions? Invite, share that naturally arise when a Great decision is being made now in a matter of two or three minutes, we've created states of trust in themselves, compliance with you, a deep unconscious, subconscious sense that you are on the same side, the same team. So I teach in the beginning, don't be clear, don't use numbers, facts, data, figures. Be vague and suggestive in your language.

[Ryan Alford]

People want to be led. Even if people say they don't, they do. We all have insecurities, especially things that we might be buying or in a sales process for B2B or even B2C but probably a lot of B2B sellers listen to this show and people that probably work with you, Paul, and the people that are making these purchases want to be led to the right place in the right decision, even if they're authoritative in some ways.

[Paul Ross]

I wrote somewhere that inside of every seeming adult is a 7 year old child who wants to be convinced. We are all pattern making machines. Ladies and gentlemen, when you were little children, I know something about you even though I don't know you. You would lay on the grass and you would look up to the clouds and you would see patterns that weren't there. Animals, cars, whatever it was. We are pattern making machines. And so we need someone to reach into that part of our consciousness and lead us to see the patterns that we want them to see. Otherwise, what's going to happen? They're going to default into their fear, their hesitation, their distrust of you, and most importantly, their distrust of themselves. This is the one thing I've never heard any other sales trainer address. How do you get the prospect to trust themselves? Because if they don't trust, they can make a good decision. I don't care how good you are at your rapport, at your asking the right questions, wanting to be generally of service. If you can't get them to trust, trust themselves, they're not going to make a decision. It's not just that a confused mind makes no choices. A mind that doesn't trust itself runs from choices.

[Ryan Alford]

You talk a lot about selling to the yes part of the brain versus the no part. What's maybe a small change people can make immediately to start selling to the yes part of the brain.

[Paul Ross]

How do you get the part of the brain that wants to be convinced convince itself to make the yes decision? I don't teach yes ladders because yes ladders while they work. Your prospect has heard it before and a tactic identified as a tactic disarmed. How would I get the prospect to convince themselves to buy? The first step is getting them to trust themselves. The second thing is to get them to see how what you have to offer not just their needs, desires, dreams, hopes, but also matches on some level the vision they believe is possible for themselves. Here's the challenge. Most people don't believe that better is possible for themselves. So part of this art is getting your ideas into the prospect's subconscious mind. But here's the whacked out thing. The other thing is about expanding their mind to include possibilities that they never saw before. Because your prospect not only doesn't trust themselves, they often don't believe they deserve to have what you have to offer, particularly if it's around money did you

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[Ryan Alford]

I think of that as mind expansion increasing more opportunities or not necessarily reframing a yes or a no. But I think of expansion when I think of what you just said, which is learning.

[Paul Ross]

Maybe Someone once asked me, can you make someone do something against their will using NLP or hypnosis? I said no. But you can expand the range of what it is they want beyond what they thought they wanted before. You can expand the range of what they thought was possible for themselves. You can expand the range of what they believe they can do. You can't do that. Consciously, I can't say, now, Mr. Smith, in a minute I'm going to give you a suggestion that you will believe that you can do better, that you can have this opportunity. You can make more money. Ready? One, two, three. It doesn't work that way. You have to imply it. You have to use the power of suggestion, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So to unpack that, if I were to give a suggestion, I would say, as we're having this conversation together, I'm not sure all the ways you might feel an expanding sense of possibility. Only as fast as that makes sense to you. But as that's taking place, please feel free to share any questions that naturally arise when a great decision's being made. Now, the suggestion there was feel and expanding sense of possibility. Notice I didn't say sense of possibility. I said expanding sense of possibility. Which means the more you talk, the more interested they're going to get, which is the opposite of what most people experience in sales. The longer you carry on the conversation, the less the interest is. This is setting up a forward loop so that the longer you have the conversation, the more interested they get. Which is again, totally paradoxical. And I realized that what I. I said, that level of suggestion, if you're not trained, is going to sound like gobbledygoop. Which is why I say to the people who choose to work with me, et cetera, et cetera, I don't want to get into promotion. It's not what I teach is powerful, but it takes a lot of work. It's like learning a second language. You have to put work into it. You won't be able to make entire sense out of it immediately. And it takes work to get to use it.

[Ryan Alford]

Talk to me about ways that people can stay in touch with you.

[Paul Ross]

I've created something just for audience of your podcast. I call it my subconscious selling domination system. This is for people who are already doing very well. You're at the top 10 to 20% of what you're doing, but you hit that ceiling. What you're doing is barely moving the needle. You're tired of pushing and grinding. It's got two components. The first is the instant trust. Quick start training. That's those six, seven words I went through and I'm packing how to do them. It's like a seven minute video. Most people see results in their first conversations. Your prospects will lean in. They'll get into that state where they want to follow you and make decisions quicker. The second is what I normally only give my $25,000 VIP clients. I call it the subconscious Selling conversion vault. These are private collection of all of my subconscious language patterns. The result of using these is your prospects will convince themselves to buy, pay you more money and feel good about it. If you want to get this, go to www.sellwithsuggestion.com forward/right about now. I created only for the audience listeners to this podcast and it's the only place you can get it.

[Ryan Alford]

Oh, very generous of you. Hey guys, we appreciate you for listening. You were to find us. Ryan is right dot com. You might just learn more about sales and different ways to do it. If you're looking for those things, for looking for those paths, you might just find them. We'll help you get there.

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[Ryan Alford]

I practice what I preach. We appreciate Paul for coming on. We appreciate you for making us number one. See you next time.

[Paul Ross]

Right about now this has been Right

[Ryan Alford]

about now with Ryan Alford, a Radcast network production. Visit ryanisright.com for full audio and video versions of the show or to inquire about sponsorship opportunities. Thanks for listening.