Podcast Summary: RKD Group Thinkers – "Finding Identity Beyond Fitting In" with Carlos Whittaker

Host(s): Justin McCord & Ronnie Richard (RKD Group)
Guest: Carlos Whittaker (Author, Influencer, Podcaster, Speaker)
Release Date: May 1, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode delves into the theme of finding identity and authenticity beyond the perpetual urge to fit in, both personally and professionally. Carlos Whittaker shares his compelling journey from a teenager desperate to belong to a figure dedicated to walking with people amidst difference, advocating for vulnerability, curiosity, and meaningful connection—especially in the nonprofit marketing sphere. The conversation explores Carlos' formative moments, the pain and liberation of living authentically, the challenge of technology’s divisive pull, and the necessity of true community.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Carlos’ Search for Belonging and Formative Years

• Fitting in during High School:

  • As an Afro-Latino black kid in a predominantly white, southern high school, Carlos struggled with the tension between staying true to himself and the urge to conform.
  • Insight: The lengths to which he went to fit in—altering dress, speech, and interests—reflected a universal struggle for acceptance.

  “A lot of my attempts at trying to fit in really inform kind of who I am today...If there's one thing I could go back and tell 16-year-old Gary Coleman afro parted down the side Carlos, it's: be patient.”
  — Carlos (04:29)

• Panic Attack as a Turning Point:

  • At 23, after his first panic attack, Carlos was home-ridden for months, sparking profound introspection about identity, anxiety, and outward acceptance (06:07).
  • Vulnerability online (pre-social media era) connected him with people who felt invisible, shifting his focus from fitting in to helping others feel seen.

  “Maybe trying to fit in isn't the goal here. Maybe helping other people feel seen is.”
  — Carlos (09:00)

Walking With People, Not Standing on Issues

• The 2020 Social Reckoning:

  • Carlos describes the massive fallout he experienced after speaking out for justice online during the turbulent year of 2020 (10:42).
  • He lost a third of his followers overnight but experienced a defining moment when prompted by Instagram’s “Are you sure?”—deciding against deleting his post spurred him to embrace authenticity and walk with people, not just take issue-based stances.

  “I don't stand on that issue. I walk with the people that are affected by that issue.”
  — Carlos, recalling his friend Mike Ashcroft (13:48)

• Curiosity, Empathy, and Change:

  • Carlos outlines his philosophy: "Curiosity leads to empathy. Empathy leads to trust. Trust leads to relationship. Relationship leads to change." (14:56).
  • He encourages both personal and nonprofit leaders to prioritize being curious over being right, as a foundation for deeper connections.

Reflections on Vulnerability, Loss, and Community

• On Grief and the “Inhaler” Metaphor:

  • After the recent loss of his father, Carlos reflects on bringing and receiving life-giving presence—being the “inhaler for the asthmatic” for others, while also needing that breath himself (16:45).
  • His experiences caring for his father and sharing this online mirrored his ongoing practice of making invisible grief visible for others in similar situations.

  “When you've been suffocating for so long, you don't even know that you're not breathing right. And finally when you get a breath, it's just like—I walked off that stage and I had a freaking breath in my lungs.” — Carlos (17:28)

Disconnecting from Technology to Reconnect with Humanity

• The “Reconnected” Experiment:

  • To research his book Reconnected, Carlos spent seven weeks screen-free with monks and Amish farmers, having his brain scanned for neuroscientific data (21:05).
  • The social experiment revealed that deep, unmediated conversation unveils more common ground than digital divides suggest.

  "These screens are literally just ecosystems of rage that we're swimming in all day long...I've never in my adult life been more at peace than those seven and a half weeks." — Carlos (21:21)

  • Cites a Malcolm Gladwell study: People with polarized views found 18/20 passions aligned in person, underscoring common humanity (23:30).

Rethinking Social Media Engagement:

• Balancing Outreach and Consumption:

  • After his digital detox, Carlos considers a measured approach—social media as a tool, not an addiction (25:43).
  • He draws inspiration from the Amish, who evaluate technology by whether it brings them closer together or drives them apart.

  "I just realized that, like, it's a tool for me. And I think that's the important question for us—to keep asking ourselves: Is this bringing me closer to community, or farther away?"
  — Carlos (26:12, 27:58)

Personal Practices that “Breathe Life”

• The Power of Intentional Friendship:

  • Breath-to-breath, in-person connection with a few close friends is Carlos’ main source of renewal (30:30).
  • Activities like fly fishing and playing pickleball are practical ways he invests in community and self-care.

  "Isolation is one of the most dangerous things that can happen to any of us...Find yourself 1, 2, or 3 people that can breathe life into you."
  — Carlos (31:59)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Description | |-----------|---------|------------------| | 04:29 | Carlos | “Be patient...you’re gonna develop a tribe that you could never even imagine.” | | 09:00 | Carlos | “Maybe trying to fit in isn’t the goal here. Maybe helping other people feel seen is.” | | 13:48 | Carlos | “I don’t stand on that issue. I walk with the people that are affected by that issue.” | | 14:56 | Carlos | “Curiosity leads to empathy. Empathy leads to trust. Trust leads to relationship. Relationship leads to change.” | | 17:28 | Carlos | “When you’ve been suffocating for so long, you don’t even know that you’re not breathing right…” | | 21:21 | Carlos | “These screens are literally just ecosystems of rage that we’re swimming in all day long.” | | 23:30 | Carlos | [Malcolm Gladwell anecdote on shared passions despite differences.] | | 26:12 | Carlos | “Is this bringing me closer to community, or farther away?” | | 31:59 | Carlos | “Isolation is one of the most dangerous things that can happen to any of us...” |

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:58–03:41: Framing Carlos’ journey and authenticity
• 03:41–06:07: Early experiences with fitting in and lessons learned
• 06:07–09:48: Panic attacks, vulnerability online, and the shift to serving others
• 10:42–15:26: Losing followers, refusing to back down, and forming the “walk with people” mantra
• 16:45–20:13: Vulnerability, grief, and the “inhaler” metaphor on stage
• 21:05–25:43: Experiencing life offline, screen detox, and the discovery of true human connection
• 25:43–29:12: Ongoing struggle with social media, evaluating technology’s role in community
• 30:30–32:26: Intentional friendships, combating isolation, and community through hobbies

Closing Thoughts

Carlos Whittaker’s narrative is not merely about personal transformation; it’s a call for nonprofit leaders—and all listeners—to re-examine the roots of identity, the why behind our connections, and the impact of vulnerability. His journey is an invitation to shift from fitting in to truly seeing, hearing, and walking with others—online, offline, and in every human context.