Roadmap to Referrals – Ep #402: Three Don’ts of Generating Referrals

Host: Stacey Brown Randall
Date: February 23, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Stacey Brown Randall zeroes in on a crucial topic for every service-oriented business: the top three things you should not do when trying to generate referrals. Instead of the usual advice about asking, incentivizing, or networking non-stop, Stacey aims to shift how you think about referrals so that your actions follow the right mindset. This episode is all about separating referrals from conventional sales and marketing thinking and ensuring you truly respect the relationships at their core.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Don’t Confuse Referrals with Prospecting and Marketing

[Starts at 02:10]

• Common Sales Training Misconception:
  • Most sales training divides business development into two categories: prospecting and marketing.
  • Prospecting involves direct outreach (cold calling, leads groups, networking).
  • Marketing involves longer-term strategies (websites, social media, advertisements).
• Critical Distinction:
  • Referrals aren’t just another form of prospecting or marketing. They are the third leg of the business development stool.
  • Key Quote:
    “Referrals should not enter into your prospecting strategies and activities or your marketing activities. It's separate.” – Stacey, (07:57)
• Reason for Distinction:
  • In prospecting and marketing, your target is always the prospect.
  • In referrals, your target is the referral source (the person who can introduce you to the prospect).
  • Important Reminder:
    “When you're in referral generation mode, you're never actually communicating with the prospect. It's why you don't need sales language.” – Stacey, (09:20)
• Common Mistake:
  • Shoving referral activities into prospecting or marketing results in unwanted tactics (asking for referrals, incentivizing, transactional networking), which are ineffective and can feel manipulative.

2. Don’t Violate the Science of Referrals

[Starts at 13:53]

• Broader Science than Just Trust:
  • Most people only think about the psychology of trust in generating referrals.
  • But science goes further—referral sources experience the “happiness trifecta” when helping others by referring.
  • Key Quote:
    “There are things happening in the brain of your referral source when they're actually thinking about referring someone to you, and you don't actually even enter their brain at the very beginning, right?” – Stacey, (14:38)
  • The referral source feels like a hero for helping someone, and this brain chemistry is key to why referrals happen.
• Other Scientific Elements:
  • Social networks and behavioral economics play a huge role.
  • Deep, strong relationships increase referral likelihood.
  • Quote Highlight:
    “Then we also have the dynamic of social networks and understanding a bigger piece of behavioral economics—how you build and develop those relationships.” – Stacey, (16:22)

3. Don’t Engage in Tactics That Compromise You & Your Relationships

[Starts at 18:00]

• The Value of Relationship Currency:
  • “Relationship currency” in business is real and determines long-term success.
  • Key Quote:
    “Trust is the real currency and relationships are the economic driver. Let me say that again—in business, trust is the real currency and relationships are the economic driver.” – Stacey, (18:28)
• Risks in Certain Industries vs. Expert-based Businesses:
  • In high-tech sectors (e.g., SaaS), impersonal approaches might “work,” but not in expert-driven businesses (consultants, attorneys, financial advisors, designers).
  • For expert-based businesses, protecting your relationship dynamics is paramount.
  • Activities that undermine trust or feel transactional compromise your reputation and future referrals.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Sales Hierarchies:
  “For decades and decades and decades people have always taught that referrals fit in either prospecting or marketing. But they don't. Referrals is actually the third leg to your sales strategy, your business development stool.” – Stacey, (06:14)

• On Relationship Integrity:
  “When your client hires you because you're the expert, there is a level that you need to maintain in terms of how you protect and honor that relationship … As you're generating referrals from those folks, you want to make sure that you're never doing anything that compromises, well, first yourself, but second of course also your relationships.” – Stacey, (19:35)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Episode Theme Introduction: 00:04 – 02:10
• Don’t #1 – Referrals ≠ Prospecting/Marketing: 02:10 – 13:53
• Don’t #2 – Don’t Violate the Science: 13:53 – 18:00
• Don’t #3 – Protect Relationships: 18:00 – 21:24
• Recap & Outro: 21:24 – end

Final Thoughts & Takeaways

Stacey wraps up with a concise recap of the three don'ts:

1. Don’t confuse referrals with prospecting and marketing—give them their own strategic lane.
2. Don’t violate the science of referrals—respect the psychological, social, and economic dynamics at play.
3. Don’t engage in tactics that compromise your integrity or relationships—referral success is rooted in authentic, trust-based connections.

She encourages listeners to focus on shifting their mindset about how referrals can and should show up in their business and teases next week’s episode about the three do’s of generating referrals.

For the episode transcript, visit staceybrownrandall.com/402.