Husband KILLS Wife For Denying Sex During Her Period

Summary

Rotten Mango Podcast – Detailed Episode Summary
Episode Title: Husband KILLS Wife For Denying Sex During Her Period
Host: Stephanie Soo
Date: January 5, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this gripping episode, Stephanie Soo dives into a true-crime case from South Korea where a newlywed wife, Haeyoung, is murdered by her husband, SJ, after she denies sex during her period. The episode explores not only the disturbing circumstances of the crime but also delves deeply into the cultural, psychological, and societal contexts of marital expectations, consent, and gender dynamics in South Korea and beyond.

Stephanie narrates the case with a blend of somber detail and dark wit, unpacking the sequence of events, the aftermath, and providing nuanced commentary on broader attitudes about marriage and entitlement. The tone is raw, empathetic, and at times, sharply critical of misogynistic and entitled mindsets.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Introduction to the Case & Initial Shock

[01:02–03:38]

• Stephanie opens with SJ’s family’s anxiety after his wife Haeyoung’s sudden, mysterious death, describing the surreal atmosphere in a morgue (“he probably feels all this guilt of not having been in the room with her, but outside on the couch, leaving for work in the morning, thinking she’s asleep … in reality she was dead in the bedroom.”)
• Eerie interaction: SJ unpromptedly tells his sister-in-law at the morgue, “I’m someone with really strong sexual desires,” (03:38)

2. Korean Traditions, Wedding, and the ‘Perfect Couple’

[04:48–11:46]

• Stephanie describes the tradition of handing out rice cakes to new neighbors — a symbol intended to drive out evil spirits.
• Haeyoung and SJ, described as the “model couple:” kind, affectionate, well-mannered, admired by their friends and family.
• Texts and messages between Haeyoung and SJ show an outwardly loving relationship (“I love you, my woman. I love you too. Heart emoji," [09:11]).
• Just two months into marriage, things sour — Haeyoung texts SJ, “I think divorce is the answer. Let’s get divorce papers in the morning,” ([10:22]).

3. Discovery of Haeyoung’s Death

[11:47–17:20]

• Haeyoung’s mother receives a call about her death and thinks it’s a scam — a nod to the rise of phone scams about family tragedy in Korea.
• The shock and disbelief of her family — Haeyoung was only 34, healthy, with no conditions (“She has no prior medical conditions, she has no ailments. She just dies in her sleep in her bed.” [13:08])
• Korean funeral customs: The chief mourner role (SJ), the emotional burden, and the family’s confusion over Haeyoung’s sudden passing.

4. The Night Before: Haeyoung’s Final Hours

[16:54–20:11]

• Haeyoung went out with SJ, her sister, and a friend — “she did look tired, but not abnormally tired … she just said that night, ‘oh, I’m tired, I’m on my period but it’s really heavy’” ([15:46]).
• After a night out, she texts her sister with playful sibling banter; nothing seems off.
• At the funeral, detectives arrest SJ — he protests loudly, bows deeply to his father-in-law, but is seen with a fleeting smile (“his eyes are wide open … and then Hae Young’s sister and her friends notice the corner of his lips lift up like he can’t help but smile.” [20:00])

5. Societal & Religious Commentary on Marital ‘Entitlement’

[23:08–32:20]

• Stephanie critiques misogynistic online communities and blogs justifying men’s entitlement to sex in marriage, mocking claims that “sexual denial in marriage is a sin” and men should “discipline” wives who refuse ([23:08–28:10]).
• Pulls examples from Reddit and blogs, showing that some people view sexual consent as nullified by marriage (“there are people that will write things … if you get married, you are essentially signing away your sexual consent in exchange for financial and emotional stability” [29:45]).
• Connects these attitudes to SJ, quoting his comments: “If I can’t have sex with my wife, where am I supposed to get it? Should I go pay for it?” ([31:10])

6. Haeyoung’s Pregnancy, Medical Issues, and SJ’s Inconsiderate Behavior

[32:21–43:00]

• Haeyoung has a miscarriage and a rare ectopic pregnancy; she loses a fallopian tube and endures further complications.
• SJ’s insensitivity: After her miscarriage, he texts, “It’s fine. As long as you and I are healthy, we can make another baby. I feel so inadequate and foolish. I’m so sorry.” ([34:20])
• Friends recall that during her pregnancy, Haeyoung felt pressured into having sex even when she feared for the baby’s health.
• In the hospital, while Haeyoung cannot eat, SJ consumes her hospital meals instead of taking care of her ([39:34]).
• Texts reveal ongoing conflict: Haeyoung explains why she can’t be intimate, and SJ whines, “Well, the doctor said we should return to daily life in a month,” ([42:58]) and, “If I don’t initiate skinship first, we never have skinship … I’m just asking you to love me as much as I love you. Or even just a little.” ([48:08])

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Timeline of Key Events

| Timestamp | Event | |------------|--------| | 01:02–03:38 | SJ is anxious, expressing sexual frustration even at the morgue. | | 04:48–11:46 | Background on their marriage, “perfect couple” facade. | | 11:47–17:20| Discovery of Haeyoung’s death, family disbelief, and Korean funeral customs. | | 16:54–20:11| Night before the murder: Haeyoung’s last evening; SJ arrested at the funeral. | | 23:08–32:20| Societal rant on marital rape, entitlement, and toxic mindsets online. | | 32:21–43:00| Medical trauma: miscarriage, rare ectopic, SJ’s insensitivity, and continued sexual pressure. | | 50:02–55:41| Police investigation: Inconsistencies in SJ’s story, deleted security footage, neighbor statements. | | 55:41–62:18| SJ confesses to killing Haeyoung after she denies sex; psychological analysis. | | 62:44–68:06| Trial, conviction, family aftermath, and social impact of the case. |

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7. Investigation and Evidence

[50:02–62:18]

• SJ publicizes a false story (“following the traffic accident, the director’s spouse has passed away, and SJ remains in critical condition in the ICU” [49:01]) to studio members.
• At first, SJ claims ignorance, then changes his story, admitting to killing Haeyoung but blaming a “drunken fight.”
• Autopsy finds strangulation marks; neighbor heard “a strange and unfamiliar sound … like something dragging … a flapping noise … and then a strange … breathing out (as if choking)” ([54:33–55:12]).
• Home security camera footage and app had been deleted from Haeyoung’s phone.
• Police find sleeping drugs in her system—Haeyoung was adamantly against mixing meds and alcohol.

8. The Motive: Control, Not Desire

[62:33–65:32]

• Police behavioral psychologist: “I don’t think this was a matter of sexual desire … this seems to be about control. Always.” ([62:44])
• Evidence of SJ’s need for dominance: “don’t ever think about cheating on me because I will track you down and I will kill you.” ([63:26])
• History of threatening, controlling behavior and the escalation after she brings up divorce.

9. The Aftermath: Legal, Emotional, Societal

[65:59–68:06]

• SJ sentenced to 25 years imprisonment; Haeyoung’s family and friends left devastated.
• Due to Korean privacy laws, his name and photo are withheld; Haeyoung’s parents permit her identity to become public.
• Stephanie notes the wider impact: “A lot of people are using this case … to be like, hey, you really don’t have to get married. Because if you marry the wrong person, you could also be dead.” ([67:31])

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Memorable Quotes & Notable Moments

“I’m someone with really strong sexual desires … but your sister would never let me touch her.”
— SJ to his sister-in-law, at the morgue ([03:38])

“If I can’t have sex with my wife, where am I supposed to get it? Should I go pay for it?”
— SJ, as quoted by friends ([31:10])

“Ever since the pregnancy and the miscarriage, my body has been so weak. … If we tried it once and it hurts, shouldn’t you think that maybe my body hasn’t recovered yet. It hasn’t even been a month yet.”
— Haeyoung, text to SJ ([42:37])

“It goes on to say the forms of discipline a husband should use if the wife does not want to have intimate relations … stop giving her those nice back and shoulder massages … remove all funding for her aside from food and shelter.”
— Stephanie reading and mocking a misogynistic marriage advice site ([26:30–27:40])

“This seems to be about control. Always. … ‘If I can’t have her, I will destroy her.’”
— Police behavioral psychologist ([62:44, 65:32])

“Her parents wanted her to be revealed because they said, you will never understand what was taken from us if you don’t see … our girl.”
— Stephanie ([66:25])

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Social Context & Closing Reflection

Stephanie closes reflecting on South Korea’s—indeed, global—pressures to marry and the dangers of coercion and control disguised as marital duty. She calls for vigilance, empathy, and self-advocacy, drawing attention both to the individual tragedy and the broader prevalence of marital entitlement and domestic violence.

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Final Takeaways

• The case challenges assumptions about ‘safe’ relationships and highlights the dangers of entitlement, the rights of women to bodily autonomy in marriage, and the failures of cultural scripts that prioritize marital harmony over individual well-being.
• Stephanie encourages listeners to critically examine societal norms, support survivors, and prioritize personal safety and health over societal expectations.

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For listeners:
This episode is a deep, often disturbing dive into a tragic case, but it’s also a broader call to compassion, awareness, and cultural critique. Stephanie balances forensic detail with social analysis, and the episode will resonate for anyone interested in true crime, feminism, and Korean culture.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Bada bing, bada boo.

[A]

SJ is going to be the next to die. That is the most likely reasonable conclusion that everybody in his life is coming to. He's going to be next. He's going to be the next one to die. Especially right now because he's just wandering around this empty, strong disinfectant, chemical scented hallways of the morgue. And everybody that knows SJ is growing concerned. They're getting nervous. Somebody needs to stay with him. Hurry. I'm worried he's going to die too. I'm anxious. This is a direct quote from one of his family members. Wherever SJ goes, there is an anxious family member sitting next to him. If he's in the hallway outside the room, there is a family member sitting right next to him, also exhausted, leaned back against the chair and staring into the abyss of the bright office, backroom lighting, morgue hallway. And it's very understand that SJ is distraught. SJ's wife is laying on a steel table in the room right behind him, right next to all of his family members and they're about to cut her open to see how she was killed inside of their house, inside of their newlywed home after they had been married for only three months. She is killed in the middle of the night and because Estj is drunk and passed out on the couch, he has no clue what happened to his wife Inside the master bedroom, the primary bedroom. It could have been an intruder, it could have been a medical anomaly. I mean, that's highly unlikely, but we don't know. SJ is sitting next to his wife's sister. So this is his sister in law. I mean, she's also grieving. I mean, she would more so be in a state of shock staring at the hallway in front of them. She's probably in more pain about losing her sister than SJ is about losing his wife, considering they've only been together for like a year and a half. But still, the whole family is. Is worried for Estre. He probably feels all this guilt of not having been in the room with her, but outside on the couch, leaving for work in the morning, thinking she's asleep in the bedroom, when in reality she was dead in the bedroom. He's probably hit the hardest, at least right now. I mean, it's his wife, after all. And then Estre turns to his sister in law. So this is the deceased sister, you know? Yeah, yeah, the wife's sister. And she just distinctly remembers how odd this was. He turns to her in the hall, the morgue, when they're performing this autopsy, and he states, you know, I'm someone with really strong sexual desires.

[B]

What?

[A]

She's tilting her head, she's looking at him like this is unsolicited, unprompted information that she doesn't even know if she heard this correctly. What do you mean? I'm a person with strong desires, you know, but your sister would never let me touch her. She's sitting there trying to understand what he's telling her. Her sister is dead, most likely murdered and being autopsied in the room right there. And her sister's husband is telling her that he has a lot of needs. What the hell is going on? Right. Foreign. We would like to thank today's sponsors who have made it possible for Rotten Mango to support the National Network to End Domestic Violence, a non profit organization whose mission is to eradicate all partner relationship, workplace and stalking violence. This episode's partnerships have also made it possible to support Rotten Mango's growing team. We'd also like to thank you guys for your continued support. As always, full show notes are available@rootten manglepodcast.com A few disclaimers for this case, there are mentions of SA and a lot of mentions of pregnancy loss. So please watch with caution. This case also takes place in South Korea. We had our wonderful Korean translators help us with this case. However, if anything ever gets lost in translation, just please let us know in the comments. And with that being said, let's get started. How do you know Satan's not your neighbor. I think it's a good question. Okay. Perhaps one that is never asked and only ever answered in typically a life threatening manner. There is this tradition though in South Korea where if you live in a big apartment building, every now and then you will get a ring on your doorbell. You look at the intercom screen because a lot of these apartments will have a screen even if someone's right outside your door. Or sometimes you look through the tiny little peephole and you have one eye open and you'll usually see one or two people that you have never seen in your entire life standing outside your apartment door, very awk. Awkwardly. You don't know how they got access into the building, let alone why are they standing at your door. You don't know. But you look down and they're holding a paper bag with stripes. It looks festive. It looks like a gift bag. You look back up and they're now staring directly into the peephole with this awkward polite half smile. They know you're on the other side staring at them. You know that they know. And so now you've got to open the door. So that's what you do. And they let you know. Hi, we're the new neighbors upstairs. We just moved in. We wanted to bring you rice cakes. The tradition lives on. It's not as big as it used to be. I will say the apartment buildings in Korea have gotten much larger. It would just not be fiscally responsible to buy rice cakes for all 132 neighbors of the building. But in smaller communities, people have stopped doing it too. I mean, it's a shame because the tradition isn't just about meeting your neighbors and being cute and being polite and bringing them rice cakes. It's. It's to drive out evil spirits. That's the symbolism behind the rice cakes. If Satan were to live next door to you, you drive them out the building like a mass exorcism via a red bean rice cake. That's the meaning. Satan notoriously doesn't like rice cakes. Who would have known? I mean, obviously it's an exaggeration of a tradition, but you get what I mean. There is a meaning behind it. And so that's why. December 2024, Haeyoung and her husband SJ, they are distributing rice cakes to everyone in their building. They just got married. Neighbors in the building are actually kind of stunned because usually it's high schoolers who will come distribute the rice cakes because their parents are forcing them to do it. Or it's elderly couples. But you never get two young couples who willingly, on their own accord, decide that they're going to pass out rice cakes. It's a tradition that's dying in the younger generations. So it's actually very cute. Haeyoung and her new husband are doing this and if you ask anybody about Haeyoung, if you ask anybody about sj, they're gonna say if anyone's gonna pass out rice cakes to their neighbors, it's gonna be them. Haeyoung and SJ got married December 2024. One of Haeyoung's friends had stood up during their wedding to make this toast. Finally, and this is verbatim, finally, a man worthy, a man with a big heart to embrace our Haeyoung. Seeing the way you look at Haeyoung do, the way you talk to her, your tone of voice, the way you take care of her so attentively, I think as friends we realized maybe it's okay to let Haeyeon get married now. I hope you guys live happily. Maybe it has to do with the fact that they're 34 when they get married. It just feels like they were waiting for the right person. And because they're more established, they know what they want in life, they find the partner that fits perfectly. Haeyoung's older sister Mimi, this is a pseudonym. She's very happy because she says, I mean, it was the wedding that Haeyoung always wanted. It was her dream day. It's her dream wedding venue. It's her dream wedding dress. She was just so happy. I was just so happy. And her husband Estre is calling our parents mom and dad. And it's just like one of those wholesome relationships they kind of stand as an example for maybe why people should wait until their 30s to get married because it feels like that's the time that you find your partner and everything is just kind of working out. They're both incredibly polite. They're diligent with work. They're very traditional when it comes to following customs. Example, the whole rice cake thing. Haeyoung's friends say, even the way that sj, okay, sometimes it's awkward when you're hanging out with couples and then a wife or a husband snaps at the other party and now the whole entire table is uncomfortable and it just feels like, ooh, someone's ego's getting hurt. Someone's going to get into a fight. It's a whole thing. But they say with sj, he would just make it less Awkward. Even for the whole friend group. He would just talk back lovingly even when she's snappy, and say things like, see? Are you guys seeing this? She has me totally wrapped around her finger. These are real messages between the couple. Hyeyoung is asking about a gift that SJ had given her and she says, what is this? Thank you, Heart. He says, it's from my heart. Heart emoji. I love you, my woman. I love you too. Heart emoji. I miss you already. Me too. Like, it's just very. They text like they're still in the honeymoon phase. It's like they're obsessed with each other. And then two months into being what people would call maybe even jinx. The perfect marriage. February 19. Hyung texts SJ. I think divorce is the answer. Let's get divorce papers in the morning when we wake up exactly a month later. So now, three months into their marriage, they are still not divorced. And Haeyoung's mom gets a phone call from sj. Hello? She just hears him crying on the other end. And this is again verbatim. Hello? What's going on? Why? Why? What happened to Haeyoung? He's not responding. He's just dry heaving sobbing. Talk to me. Tell me what happened. Another man clearly takes the phone and his voice. I mean, this is a stranger, at least to Haeyoung's mom. She's never heard this man's voice before in her life. Ma'. Am. Ma'. Am. What happened to my Haeyoung? What's going on? I'm a police officer. Your daughter passed away between early yesterday morning and this afternoon. What? What is. What is my son in law doing right now? Can I talk to him? He's completely out of it right now. But you guys will need to discuss having Haeyoung's body moved to a morgue to potentially be autopsied. Haeyoung's mom hears SJ in the background and he's just like asking in a small voice, what do I do? What do I do? And as she's listening to SJ and this man have a conversation, she starts coming down. A lot of that earlier hysteria starts slipping away because this is not happening right now. I mean, none of this is real. And she's not disassociating, at least not in this moment. She thinks this whole thing is ridiculous. She's thinking they're getting so fucking good at this.

[B]

Like a prank.

[A]

I mean, she's heard all of the news about it. Oh yeah, and she has to go from her hometown to Seoul to see Hae Young and she says, quote, I thought it was a voice phishing scam. Really. I didn't shed a single tear until I got to Seoul because I couldn't believe it. Wow. People are getting calls that their elderly parents have been kidnapped and the hostage taker needs $500 to set them free, which is an insanely little amount of money for, I don't know, your mother in law dying. And so a lot of people will pay it. Some people, older parents, are posting $9,000 bail amounts for their 20 something year old college age child who some somehow landed themselves in jail. Except they didn't. They're actually just at a frat party and they're not picking up their phone. Others are a bit more unsettling. Parents will tuck their 10 year old kid into bed for the night and an hour later they get a phone call that their kid has been kidnapped. And naturally they will rush into the room to check up on their kid who is blissfully unaware and asleep in this little bed. But you can hear their exact screams through the phone. The child is asleep. You can see that with your own two eyes. But you can also hear someone who sounds exactly like your child screaming through the phone. But with all these phone calls, there is a pattern. Everybody wants money. That's it. Money. There was not a single mention of money in the phone call that Haeyoung's mom received. Haeyoung's older sister Mimi and her mom, they start rushing to the apartment that Haeyoung had just moved in with her husband. The newlywed apartment where they just passed out rice cakes. And it's not a scam. Her daughter Haeyoung is dead and nobody knows why. I mean, it doesn't make sense. She's 34 years old, she's healthy. She has no prior medical conditions, she has no ailments. She just dies in her sleep in her bed. What about sj? He says he was sleeping outside on the couch outside of their bedroom and then left for work in the morning. He had no clue what happened. Just three months into their marriage, he's a widower. The most important role at a Korean funeral is the chief mourner. This is the person closest to the deceased. They will wear the white armbands and this is the one that everyone sends their condolences to. The chief mourner has to greet guests. They have to lead all of these various ceremonies and they just have to make all the hard decisions. It's Also a very in creates a huge emotional burden. Everyone is throwing their sadness at you and it's just a lot and you have to make sure that everything is done perfectly to make sure that your loved one passes on to the other side peacefully. So everything has to be in order and you have to almost put your own sadness to the side. I mean, it's such a laborious position that a lot of funeral homes will have a small resting room for the chief mourner because it's like a multi day affair. It's just all day long people will go to funerals and there's food served at funerals I guess kind of like awake in America and people will bow and you have to stand right next to the casket as people are bowing and saying their goodbyes. It's just emotionally draining. People will walk into Korean funerals and before even saying anything, giving condolences, they will ask first, who is the chief mourner? You're getting all of this exhaustion and emotions thrown at you. And Haeoung's older sister Mimi, again, this is a fake name. Mimi is at the funeral. She's not the chief mourner, S.J. is the husband but she's just distraught because she's like, I saw my younger sister a few hours before she died in bed. It doesn't make sense. If they go by the time of death on the autopsy which is like maybe six in the morning. She saw her at like three in the morning. So it doesn't make any sense. Haeyoung, her husband Estre, they had met up with Haeyoung's older sister Mimi and Mimi's friend. So it's the four, four of them. They're out at a restaurant drinking until three in the morning and she's explaining to everybody, asking questions. She's like, I just, I mean just a few hours earlier we were having such a good time drinking together. So when I heard the news, I couldn't believe it. Well, did she notice anything weird about Haeyoung the night before? Like she can't just be happy, healthy and then suddenly pass away, right? Her sister says, quote, I was sitting right in front of her face to face. If there had been any sort of injury or anything that seemed like she was sick, I would have asked her about it. She didn't seem ill. She just said that night, oh, I'm tired, I'm on my period but it's really heavy so my body feels just exhausted and tired and this is like a really weird period. That's it which again, is not like the most alarming thing. Lots of people will say, oh, I don't know what's. I mean, I've said that a million times. I don't know what's going on, but my cramps are like the worst this month. She did look tired, but not abnormally tired. Nothing that would be alarming where Haeyoung's older sister would say, oh, don't, like, go home early. Don't even drink with us. It was just, oh, I'm just a little under the weather.

[B]

So at this point, there's no cause of death?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And sj, I guess, is trying to lighten the mood that night and make his wife feel better because he's like, okay, well everyone, let's eat, let's drink. I mean, interestingly, he's not particularly a big drinker or someone who likes to stay out and get drunk, so it's rather surprising. But they did stay out for three rounds of drinks, get back home. So Mimi and her friend actually drop off Haeyoung and sj, because Mimi's friend was the dd, she's the designated driver.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Haeyoung and her husband, they get home at 3:10am Haeyoung's sister says, I was too drunk to even remember getting home. My friend was the DD. We dropped off Haeyoung and SJ first, and then around 4am I know this, you know, because the next day, Hang had sent me a bunch of text messages. So Hang is joking. Kind of joking. Okay, it's like very sibling. But she's texting her a picture of Mimi, the older sister, passed out on the street, and with a message. You're so annoying. Exclamation, exclamation. Ugh. Get some sleep and just get to work safely tomorrow. Still, you're so annoying. It's likely that people asked Mimi about SJ too, who is obviously the chief mourner at the funeral. But how was he? How is SJ handling all of this? Well, when I went to my sister's apartment, he was just sitting in the living room staring blankly. I kept asking him what happened, what happened? And he wasn't in a state to talk. He just kept crying and saying, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. In the midst of the funeral, a group of men walk in and they take sj, the chief mourner, to the corner, which is kind of odd. Okay, Usually you say your condolences just like where the chief mourner is standing, which is typically right next to all the flowers in the casket. But they take him to the side and someone out of the like five guys surrounding the chief mourner, someone out of that group reaches into their pocket and takes out handcuffs and handcuffs SJ in front of his wife's family, his friends, his wife's casket. I mean, the minute it registers, everybody jumps up and they're just staring. They're not really sure what to do. Because also, this is reminiscent of a very famous K drama, Marry My Husband, where after the wife is deceased, the husband gets arrested at her funeral before she's reincarnated. So I mean, I don't know, but everyone is just. I mean, this is a thing that is said in hindsight by a lot of people. So everybody is jumping up, they're staring, they don't really know what to do, but they're panicked. I mean, these are detectives. You're being arrested on suspicion of murdering your wife. Haeyoung. The people interviewed at Haeyoung's funeral would say it felt unreal, it felt disconnected from. From reality. It almost felt theatrical in a weird way because sj, instantly, as he's being dragged out of the funeral home, he's screaming, it's not me. Mother in law. Like, oh money, you have to believe me, it's not me. And then with his hands cuffed behind his back, he does a 90 degree bow to HAE Yong's father. And he's like, I'll be back, I'll be back. It's not me. And then his eyes are wide open. He looks hysterical. He looks bug eyed. And then Hae Young's sister Mimi and her friends notice the corner of his lips lift up like he can't help but smile.

[C]

What?

[A]

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Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com rotten go to shopify.com rotten that's shopify.com rotten hear the sound of your first sale this new year with Shopify by your side. There is a website that talks about how to have the perfect marriage, how to satisfy both partners in the union, and it reads, a wife cannot flatly refuse her husband. She may only ask for a rain check and then she needs to make good on that rain check as quickly as possible. A husband has the right to confront his wife's sexual refusal as a sin, not only against him, but also against God. A husband ought not to feel guilty for having sex with his wife when she is not in the mood. If she yields fields even grudgingly, a husband needs to use prayerful discernment to discover if her reasons for not being in the mood are for legitimate physical or mental health reasons, or if the problem is wrong thinking and wrong attitude on the part of his wife. Listen, I'm not a religious person, nor do I think the blog author of this website is a religious person either. However, with an appropriate amount of common sense, I can easily tell you that if you have to ask, ask God why your wife doesn't want to sleep with you. The problem is within. But because this man knows how to write words and string together somewhat grammatically correct sentences, he wants the world to see and applaud his very mediocre grasp of the English language. He continues, if her reasons are legitimate, then she needs to seek medical or psychological help as soon as possible Most people think of sexual immorality as only someone having sex outside of marriage. But remember that when something is immoral, that means it is a sin, and we know that sexual denial in marriage is a sin. Therefore, it is accurate to call willful sexual denial in marriage an act of sexual immorality. Intelligence is not a requirement to have access to our working keyboard to clickety clack. And unfortunately, stupidity is something that some people, like this author, can work towards being the best at, you know, truly excel at. After all, it is a man's prerogative, right? He continues, Biblically speaking, the husband is the spiritual authority in his home and he has the biblical obligation to first attempt to discipline his wife, as she is his responsibility. Only when he has exhausted all forms of discipline and she remains defiant and divorce is looming, should he approach a counselor to act as a witness to her sin. It goes on to say the forms of discipline a husband should use if the wife does not want to have intimate relations with the husband is not to take a shower, to take a self help class, not to get your own ducks in order because something's probably wrong with you. They say stop taking her on dates or trips, which is like a surefire way to never get what you want. But okay. Another step includes, you know, those dinners that you cook or the vacuuming you do. You know, just like basic chores of someone who lives in a place of shelter and they should be doing, you know, those things that really she should be doing but you have simply been trying to be nice and doing for her. Stop doing them, stop giving her those nice back and shoulder massages she loves so much. And then it says if she is financially dependent on you, remove all funding for her aside from food and shelter. And if she still doesn't listen, the last few steps are rebuke her before witnesses and bring her before the church. They end it with a good old why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Well, once you bought the cow you are supposed to get the milk for free. I fear that this website is not reflective of Christian values or Christian husbands or happy husbands. However, it is reflective of people who do exist in the ether. There are married partners out there who firmly believe that after marriage they are entitled to sexual There is a whole subreddit that you can go on called R Changemyview and we've talked about this forum before, but people go there to never change their view. Like nobody ever changes their view on there. They go to get off on the arguments in the comments. I don't know why this sub even exists. Okay, but it is interesting to read, so I get the appeal. However, views are never changed and the way that the posts are written, I mean, you start thinking, I mean, how could you have a separate view aside from this one? That doesn't make sense. One Reddit post reads change my view. Marriage does not entitle anyone to sex. In the old days, men were legally allowed to R word women. Within marriage, it was not considered R word at all. It goes on to continue and argue that in order for our word culture to be undone, we are going to have to reconceive marriage utterly in such a way that nobody will ever be under pressure to give up their rights to their body and let their bodies be taken in marriage. Which I don't really think is a hot take. I mean, there were some arguments for like semantic interpretation of the post, but one person, probably a guy, responds, how far does your view extend? Does it say extend to marriage? Doesn't guarantee you access to a man's wealth or resources. I love when people just like have imaginary money that they're hoarding from like potential gold diggers. You've never seen the money. We don't see the money. What are we talking about right now? Just like make belief stuff, but they go on. Or is it just your view that sex is the only place you get a choice? Another person has a less polarizing yet differing viewpoint. Writing depends on what you consider entitled to. Everyone is entitled to be in a relationship that meets their emotional and physical needs. This includes sex. If the relationship doesn't meet said needs, whatever they may be then a person has the right right to complain, to discuss it, to work it out, or to leave if the needs cannot be met. So while you are correct that marriage does not give you the right to r word someone by forcing them to have sex, you are entitled to have your emotional and physical needs for intimacy and sex met by your spouse, and to be disgruntled if they're not doing so. Another one responds very weirdly, I agree, but I must ask why the hell would you marry or stay married to someone who doesn't want to have sex with you? Another person writes, I would say sex is basically part of the marital contract. I mean, you're basically just friends or roommates otherwise, which you wouldn't need all the legal complications of marriage for that. So yeah, you are entitled to sex from your partner. And then you click on like a suggested change. My view A woman who expects her husband to completely devote himself sexually to her, yet refuses to have sex with him is both selfish and cruel. If a woman refuses to have intimate relations with her husband, the husband then has every moral right to check out women, flirt, view videos, and even in certain cases, cheat. A woman has every right to refuse sex if she doesn't want it. But freedom to choose also means a prohibition on a man from having any sexual outlet whatsoever is very wrong. Cheating is a violation of exclusive sexual intimacy, but in a sexless marriage there is no sexual intimacy had. I will say that aside from people having medical conditions or some sort of psychological reasoning of not wanting to be intimate with their partner, typically your partner not wanting to be intimate with you is usually something wrong with you, if that makes sense. Like these husbands. I would say that this is not the majority of married couples or reflective of husbands or anything like that. It's just such an odd thing. It's weird, but there are people that are very serious about it. Not even just on R changemyview, There are people that will write things on Reddit like if you get married, you are essentially signing away your sexual consent in exchange for financial and emotional and relationship stability. If neither party is ready to give up on their autonomy, then they shouldn't get married because breaking those technically voids the marriage contract. Saying no to a husband simply isn't an option unless you're physically incapable, which might be the case after an argument, or if you're sick or whatever with a boyfriend. All bets are off. You didn't say any vows. Do what you want. Remember when Honey I have a headache used to be something people joked about that was Back when the marriage commitment was taken more seriously, and that was only 10ish years ago. Nowadays you don't even need an excuse to turn your husband down. And it's disgusting that this has become acceptable in society after people have made marriage validation stating the opposite. The more alarming part is there are a lot of women who agree with this viewpoint. And there is a Reddit thread where one woman writes, I told my friends I never say no to intimate relations except for serious illness or injury, which my husband wouldn't ask for intimate relations if that were actually painful or dangerous. But there are times when I'm tired and technically not in the mood. Sure, but I would never say no. My friends felt like that was horrible and degrading. I think a lot of couples are in the never say no camp, not because they're not allowed to say no, but just because, like, people have good times with their partners and usually your partner will know when to initiate. And by that point, everybody's in the mood, everyone's excited. So you don't really end up saying no. But the reasoning that she gives for never saying no, this is her life, it's her dream. But it's interesting. She writes, the way I see it is, before marrying my husband, he could have sex with so many women. He made the choice to marry me and just be with me as a good wife. I want him to feel I'm available to him whenever he wants and needs. Even if I'm tired, I put in effort. If he's in the sauna and the other men are complaining about their sexless marriages, I want him to be able to say, oh, my wife never says no. A fake, imaginary, steamy, hot, sweaty sauna session between a bunch of dudes is like the strangest thing to revolve your life around as a wife. But like, here we are. Unfortunately, this seems to be a much bigger sentiment than I thought. SJ falls directly into this group. His friends say SJ has a unique outlook on marriage relationships. He would say to us all the time, if I can't have sex with my wife, where am I supposed to get it? Should I go pay for it? But like, he was drunk, you know? Or he would say things like, look, if I want to, she needs to do it. That's what marriage is, is. But again, he was drunk, so maybe he was. He didn't mean it. Four months before getting married, Haeyoung and SJ are on their way back from a big friend vacation in Vietnam. This is August of 2024. They land touchdown at Incheon Airport in South Korea, Hae Yong feels odd. She goes to the restroom, and within minutes there are ambulances outside of the airport. She is being rushed out. There is blood everywhere. It is. Is so much blood. Because she is. She's miscarrying. Six months into dating Haeyoung, SJ and Hang had gotten pregnant. They actually found out a few days before going to Vietnam. This is like a trip that they had planned for weeks with their friends. But Haeyoung, who has always wanted to start a family, she's so happy about being pregnant, she even immediately asked. So in Korea, you get like the pregnant woman badge, and you can use it at subway stations or like on the train or in public transport. Because a lot of women don't show immediately or during winter. You don't see it. And it's in Korea. It's a big deal. You do not sit in the pregnant woman section if you're not pregnant. So that's why they hand out these badges. She even got that. She got all these pamphlets about her pregnancy. And she keeps asking her doctor, like, are you sure I'm safe to travel? Just to give you some context, I think she found out a week before. Like a few days before she's set to go to Vietnam. The doctor is like, you're gonna be fine. I mean, everybody is different. However, you're gonna be fine. You're cleared for travel. This should not be alarming. You're very early into your pregnancy. You're gonna be okay. It's not even that long of a flight. Haeyoung dots all of her eyes. She crosses all of her T's. And then when she touches back in Seoul, the baby that she had wanted so badly, she ends up miscarriage. But this is the part where it's just, like, odd. There is a text message from SJ to Haeyoung the day after she miscarries. And it reads, it's fine. As long as you and I are healthy, we can make another baby. I feel so inadequate and foolish. I'm so sorry. Why would he need to apologize? Is he just apologizing because she's going through something so traumatic?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Hae Young's friends say when she was pregnant, he wanted to do it. They did it once after she found out she was pregnant, and there was a little bit of blood, and so she was really worried for the baby. So she kept refusing to have intimate relations. After that, they fought about it. And she told us that she ended up having sex again, even though she didn't want to, and then she ended up miscarrying. Nurses see a lot. That's an understatement. Nurses have probably seen more of me than my own husband, which sounds crazy, but my husband has never pried my mouth open, shoved a flashlight down my throat to see if there is, like a foreign body lodged in my throat after a particularly intense meal. Okay, so these nurses, they see a lot. And they see a lot about people's personalities, especially couples. One Reddit thread from a nurse writes, husbands in the delivery room often do more harm than good. In my view, the husband in the delivery room often can't provide meaningful support and may even create more stress. Many people frame fathers being in the delivery room as a romantic or heroic act, as if witnessing every moment is required to be a good dad. In reality, the practical benefit to the mother is often minimal. A husband who stays outside handling logistics, communicating with family members, can actually provide more meaningful support, which you have a lot of people disagreeing. I would also disagree stating that women are the most safe in medical situations, especially childbirth, when they're relaxed and comfortable and feel supported. However, there are a lot of nurses fighting back, saying, yeah, in a perfect world. But most husbands, they're on their phones the entire time while their wife is in labor. Or sometimes they're causing more distress, making their wives feel more pressure. Or they're not being helpful with other family members that are hounding, giving their 10 cents to the wife about how they should approach childbirth. One woman writes, my husband went downstairs to charge his phone and call his mom from the car. When I called him an hour later because I was 9cm dilated, he said that he was at Sam's buying Tupperware. Tupperware. Another wife writes, my husband asked if he could borrow one of my pillows because his back hurt and I had too many. The nurses see it all, and for Hae Young, it's not just a miscarriage, which is already very traumatizing. Hae Young actually suffers from a very rare condition that only 1 in 30,000 women have have where she has a miscarriage, which a miscarriage is when you have a fertilized egg in the uterus and the pregnancy is not going to come full term. So you miscarry. Right. But she also has an ectopic pregnancy at the same time. So Haeyoung's ectopic pregnancy goes unnoticed for a while because this is really rare. So if you don't know, an ectopic pregnancy is when you have a fertilized egg but it doesn't end in the uterus, it's outside the uterus. A lot of the times it's in the fallopian tube. And this is very dangerous. You can die, you can very easily die if you have an ectopic pregnancy because that fertilized egg is going to start growing. And a fallopian tube is not like a uterus where it's meant to bear a child. It's not going to stretch. So what it'll do is it'll burst and then you will be heavily internally bleeding until probably you die unless you get emergency help. It's very dangerous. So she has an ectopic pregnancy outside of the uterus and she had a miscarriage inside the uterus. So with all of that, a lot of the symptoms of the ectopic pregnancy, she thought that it was from the miscarriage. So it goes for a very long time that she doesn't realize that she has this life threatening condition. And eventually once it is realized, there has been so much damage done that the, the doctors tell her that they need to have emergency surgery and remove that fallopian tube.

[B]

Wait, so when was that surgery?

[A]

Or this is before the wedding. So this is like a month after. So around September. Wow.

[B]

So like there's so much happening. Like they came back from Vietnam, she miscarried and then the, the surgery and then the wedding.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then three months later, this is.

[A]

Just like in six months. Months. Wow. So Haeyoung is texting her sister about what's going on. I had surgery with one fallopian tube removed. There were also two uterine cysts. When they opened it up and they were black and about to burst. So in Korea, it's not as common. In the United States, I think in the US a lot of the times it is the nurse's duty to feed patients who cannot eat by themselves. In South Korea, unless you're in very specific, like intensive care units, a lot of the times it's up to the family members to feed the patient. So the nurses, they will bring all the nutritious hospital meals that have all of the requirements and they'll make sure that you're eating and they'll check up on you. But a lot of the times unless you're in like the icu, a lot of the nurses depend on the family members to provide care. So family members will do shifts. If you've got work, then someone's doing like a breakfast shift. If someone's doing a lunch shift, someone's doing a dinner shift, it's just a thing that happens to in Korea. I don't know if it's embedded in the healthcare system or if it's just like a societal thing that is built into the communities and the families. I don't know. But it's a thing. So every time Haeyoung is recovering from the surgery, she's laying there. Every time the nurses bring food, Haeyoung doesn't want to eat. She has no appetite. She doesn't want to do this. She's exhausted. And it's up to the family member to airplane that spoon, to beg, to plead, to negotiate that your loved one eat the hospital food. SJ is supposed to be spoon feeding her, but because she doesn't want to eat, he is sitting there eating every single meal that gets delivered. And every single nurse that walks by is judging the shit out of him. Haeyoung has no appetite. She feels too weak to eat. And eventually she's getting annoyed by him. She's sick of seeing his face. And she tells him, you know what? Go home and just feed the dogs. He ends up going home. She checks the home camera and he's not just feeding the dogs. He. He ordered himself a pizza, plopped on the couch and is watching TV and munching while she's recovering from this ectopic pregnancy, which he got her pregnant, and he's just at home eating pizza. So understandably, with all of this like trauma and pain and the emotions, Hae Young tells her friends she just feels really disappointed in him. Like she just doesn't like this. But worse is that one month after this. So this is again still before the marriage. One month after, there are text messages between the two where Haeyoung is telling him, ever since the pregnancy and the miscarriage, my body has been so weak. Everything changed suddenly. It's been hard to adjust. There's just, I'm just exhausted. He responds, when we're tired, we should support and lean on each other. Yeah, what you're saying is right, but you only want one form of affection expression, and I only have one body. So he's saying, you and I are both tired. And when couples are tired, we need to depend on each other. And she's like, the only way that you think you can depend on me is for sex and I can't have sex right now.

[B]

That's crazy. So he's asking for sex?

[A]

Yes. Basically, one month after the surgery, she texts him, if we tried it once and it hurts, shouldn't you think that maybe my body hasn't recovered yet. It hasn't even been a month yet. The scar on the outside of my body hasn't healed. How could the wound inside my uterus be healed? Healed? SJ responds well, the doctor said we should return to daily life in a month.

[B]

That is crazy.

[A]

Which, by the way, that is a suggestion usually, I mean, doctors are all over the place. Some doctors, I was on Reddit of women who were recovering from similar surgeries. They say their doctor said two weeks, you can return to normal life. Some people said a month, six weeks. And these are guidelines. Usually the rule of thumb is when you want to return to normal life, especially when it comes to sex because it's not like oh, my arm broke, I can't have sex for a month. It's like you're talking about the exact same body parts. Haeyoung feels like this is happening because of an act we did together. But alone I have to suffer and yet my body is still an object of desire for you. Like it doesn't make sense. Sense. She's texting her friends in frustration after the miscarriage and the fallopian tube removal. It hasn't even been a month. But the doctor said it was okay to have intercourse after a month. So he's whining and we did it and I, I didn't say anything but it just really hurts my feelings. Her friends are upset. Why didn't you say anything? Someone else is responding. God, this must be really hard for you. Haeyoung texts sj, stop whining. And like this I will say it's like, it's like okay, usually there are different Korean words. Sometimes there's not like the exact word that you can use in English when you have someone who is complaining like a husband who is complaining. It's very different vibe. But the word she uses is like it's like very much like. Like when kids are like jing ting like like I want to do this, I want to do like that.

[B]

That was his energy.

[A]

That's the wor otherwise you could use. Stop complaining, stop nagging. Like there's other words you could use but is very infantile. It's like what kids do. Like you really only use it. I would say that my parents treat me like a giant child still but they still don't tell me don't jing jing koryo because it's such a specific thing.

[B]

Like yes, stop being a baby.

[A]

Yeah, it's very like it's not just whining, it's like very yeah, that's so weird. It's like that rhythmic tantrum usually because ding ding. It's almost like an onomatopoeia. It's like a sound. This is an ad by BetterHelp. One of the Rotten Mango team members was telling me about her New Year's rituals. She does this thing where she reflects and she writes a bunch of letters and then she gets rid of them. She rips them up, she puts them through a shredder, she'll stick them into a book that she's already read and then she'll physically close that chapter. It's so unique. It's like her way of letting go. She gave me permission to share this Step into your New year with Better Help. Better Help handles the initial therapist matching work for you. You just take this short questionnaire to share your needs and preferences. And thanks to Better Help's industry leading match fulfillment rate, they usually get your match right the first time. And if your match isn't the right fit, switching to a different therapist is easy. Let Better Help provide you an unbiased perspective on your life so you can head into the New year taking only what truly serves you. Step into a lighter version of yourself without leaving behind what's been weighing you down. Therapy can help you clear space. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] rotten that's better. H lp.com rotten looking to update your closet as the new year begins? Quint offers high quality basics that combine comfort with this effortlessly sophisticated appearance. Their biggest appeal, in my opinion, though, is that Quint challenges the idea that nice things have to cost an entire arm and a leg. Their luxury essentials are the same equal or greater quality than leading brands at a much lower price. Their prices stay low because they avoid the expenses of the traditional supply chain, cutting out the middleman and passing those savings onto you. Quince has everything from everyday essentials, home goods, linens, and even my most this is my favorite. I talk about it all the time. They're Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Did you know they make it for dogs? They make it for dogs and Mango. My dog has an autoimmune disease. She's been obsessed with these sweaters. They keep her so cozy and warm. And not to mention we get to match our sweater colors. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com rotten for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's quincee.com rotten to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com rotten hi.

[C]

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[A]

And he responds, if I don't initiate skinship first, we never have skinship. Skinship, by the way, is like the Korean term for touch and sexual activities. They call it skinship. I'm just asking you to love me as much as I love you. Or even just a little. There's a famous Pilates studio in South Korea called Diana pilates. It's a 6,000 square foot. It uses the entire ninth floor of a glass down building. I mean you see the whole view of the other buildings, the mountains in the back. It's beautiful. A lot of good K dramas were filmed inside of the studio. I feel like it was really popular during the Pilates hype during COVID and then they started doing some reinvention. Once the Reformer Pilates started slowing down, they went into Flying Pilates, which is when you get like put on the bungee cord and you just oh yeah.

[B]

The one that you hop around.

[A]

Yeah, it was really popular in Korea. I think that it's probably not a tried and true tested form of working out in the sense of I'm sure you get a lot of results, but it becomes like a thing where people don't know about it or they have to find out about it. It almost feels like a trend. You know how there's always trends for workouts. So they switch to this a lot of the Flying Pilates and eventually the membership does take a dive with Diana Pilates. And then this definitely makes it worse. There's a new notice on the front door that reads, following the traffic accident, the director, sj, his spouse has passed away and SJ remains in critical condition in the icu. The current owner of the building, who knows of the director's sincerity, has arranged it so that the members can continue using the facilities without any inconvenience or charge. Members may rest assured and continue using the premises as usual. We will continue to repay you with a better environment and service. Service. We ask for your attention and your support.

[B]

Wait, is he the owner? Or he's the.

[A]

Yes. SJ is the owner of this Pilates branch.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Yeah. And this notice goes up after Hayoung dies. But there was no car accident. Hang did not die in a car accident. SJ is not in the icu. In fact, he's getting arrested as the main suspect for Hayoung's murder. Murder?

[B]

Oh, so they're trying to hide it. Hide the fact.

[A]

I see SJ is defensive. He's asking the officer, what are you saying? That I did this? We didn't say that. But was Haeyoung sick? And this. These are direct quotes. Why are you asking me? What did I do wrong? SJ tells the police, I. I have no idea what happened that night. He explains, they came home after drinking. And even with drinking, Haeyoung has really intense insomnia. So the typical routine is, is that he sleeps outside on the couch until she can fall asleep inside the bedroom, and then he'll quietly go into the bedroom and sleep. She has trouble falling asleep, but once she's asleep, she's not a light sleeper. He goes into the room a few hours later and he knows for certain she's knocked out. He's like, which, by the way, I'm not like, awake for all of this. I fell asleep with the TV on outside in the sofa. I woke up early in the morning to go use the restroom, and that's when I was like, oh, she's definitely asleep. Let me go sleep in the bedroom. I move back into the bedroom, I lay down next to Haeyoung, and then I wake back up to go to work and she's still asleep, so I'm letting her sleep in. He explains that when he gets to work, however, normally Haeyoung will wake up a little bit after that, even if she had been drinking the night before. But she doesn't text. He calls her four times around 2pm she doesn't pick up. How are you still asleep till 2pm? He's like, this is weird. He runs home, she's dead on the bed. He calls emergency services, and that's all he knows. He doesn't know anything else. I mean, to some degree, this is all very trackable. There is CCTV footage of him leaving the apartment to go to work at around 10 in the morning. His body language looks nonchalant.

[B]

10Am in the morning, he goes to work. Yeah, but she was, you know, she has passed since 6.

[A]

Yeah, right, okay. And he looks really relaxed. He starts walking in the direction that work is. But when the police ask his employees, if he got there as he normally does, they. They say well no, March 13th was weird. He didn't come in. He usually comes into the studio by 11 but he wasn't there. He did text me though. So one of the Pilates instructors is like he texted me around like 1:30 asking me about my paycheck. It was just like a normal conversation about the pay stub. That was it. Then he calls his wife four times, she doesn't pick up. He rushes home and then calls emergency services. Hae Young's friends have problems with this because it's very nonsensical. What do you mean? A completely healthy 30 year old woman who by the way she has been very health conscious. She's not the type to notice something wrong with her body and hope for the best. She's getting a checkup. What do you mean she just passes away in her sleep? She didn't drink heavily the night before and when she. It's not like she threw up. There's no evidence of throw up. There's no evidence that she was so drunk she couldn't get up and she choked on her vomit, which is a very real concern. She just passes away peacefully. There's just no way. Looking at the autopsy results, she has a bruise on her upper lip on the left side. A faint, very faint bite on her lower lip. So again, these are all things that she could have self inflicted as maybe she's choking or asphyxiating or you know, something. But one thing you can explain is this very faint red line around her nose neck. Are we supposed to believe that she was wearing a scarf when she went to sleep? Or that there was a random string on the bed that she laid in, rolled over, somehow tied it around her neck to asphyxiate on by herself? It doesn't make sense. One of the neighbors in the building, the one right below Haeyoung and sj, they say that night they did hear something weird. So much so that they even reached out to hang the next day to make sure everything was okay. What did you hear? We're light sleepers, pretty sensitive. So we normally actually just block out normal life sounds. So if we hear someone thumping or someone. It sounds like someone dropped their phone or stomping. You kind of learn to disregard it living in an apartment. But that night it was a strange and unfamiliar sound. It felt like something dragging, like heavy, like if you were to drag furniture. But it doesn't make like the, you know how legs, furniture legs will make the, like the squeaky Sounds. It's not that. It's like if you were to drag a mattress, it's like fabric or like just something heavy and soft.

[B]

What?

[A]

And then we heard this really weird flapping sound. It was kind of like. Like. Like it. Like a bird. Okay, so the word is like. Like the bird wings trying to flap, but you're holding onto the bird. That's kind of the feeling. Feeling. It's like a flapping noise. It's not like a thumping noise. It's like flapping noise. It's like a very specific noise. And like that. That you just don't expect that to hear from a neighbor in the middle of Seoul. And then a strange, like, noise. Like almost as if someone is like, breathing out.

[B]

Like, that's really, like, clear. They can hear very clearly.

[A]

And it sounded like a woman. It didn't sound like a man. And that lasted maybe about like 30 seconds. Seconds. They didn't think much of it. I mean, they might have thought if it was something else, maybe. But the next morning, they see a bunch of police officers. So they start freaking out. And that's when they text Hayoung and they find out that she's gone.

[B]

The flapping noise, how long did you say it lasted?

[A]

That they don't know, but they said it lasted a while. Like all of this. And then the sounded like choking for like 30 seconds. Yeah. Now this is where it gets weird. There are home cameras inside the house, which is typically odd. People don't really like to have home cameras inside, especially with a lot of recent developments. So this was earlier in 2025, but recent developments of a lot of South Korean home cameras getting hacked for intimate websites, like illegal websites. But Hayong had these two dogs, and they were 15. She's had them for 15 years, so she just wanted to make sure they're okay. When she's out at work, her family is like, we gotta look at the house cameras. If we don't know what happened in the house, just look at the house cameras. They get Haeyoung's phone. Not only is the footage gone, the app for the house camera is gone. It's like if someone has a ring camera, you get their phone and the ring app has been deleted. Wow. What do you mean? So eventually SJ changes his story because none of this is adding up. The attention, asphyxiation, the way that she died, the evidence. There's no evidence that an intruder had entered the home. The home cameras had been deleted. He is the only one that could have done something. He changes his story and he says, fine, I killed my wife, but it was an accident. He says that they had gotten into a drunk fight and all he did was push her because she was trying to get physical and that led to her hitting her head and passing away. The injuries don't line up with that story. She doesn't have any lacerations on the back of her head. How do you explain the marking around her neck? How do you explain the fact that her cause of death was manual asphyxiation? And what's crazy is he starts blaming Haeyoung. He says that she was looking down on his family. So he actually got upset. Not because he is a volatile, violent man, but because he had to defend his family. This is like family honor. He had to stand up for them. SJ will later try to claim that he had read messages on Haeyoung's phone where she is talking to her girl friends about his disabled mother and that because of his disabled mother, Hang did not want to have kids with him because she was concerned this is a condition that could be passed down to their child authorities. Go through their chat logs, this is what they find. Hang texts her friend. So he's saying, she's like a filthy person. She's evil. She was shit talking my disabled mother.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

She texts her friends, my mother in law can hardly speak or walk when I go there. I just end up sitting with her for a while before coming back. But Esther says he's happy that I talked to her and I make her smile. Then later in the group chat, Hae Young texts her friends, why did I marry this piece of shit? So it's like no one really responds. And then she texts this. Yeah, he's trying to argue it's because of his disabled mother. She's texting that. But just listen to the rest of the messages. Why? What happened? I'm not getting pregnant by this motherfucker. I'm not going to have his baby. Baby, huh? Actually, I would rather get pregnant and not have to have sex with him for a whole year. He actually argued with me saying, you promised twice a week. Why aren't you keeping your word? Wait, but it's not like you guys aren't doing it. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. It's not like I refused for a whole month or anything. We did it. And then the next day, the shithead just keeps starting again. He's just completely obsessed with sex. I feel like he's lost his mind. Mind? Why did you even marry him? Then another Friend chimes in. I mean, you must have married him because there was something good about him, right? I thought he would be a good husband. I didn't know he was sex obsessed. Clearly, she still wants to have children with him, though, because later she writes, the doctor said it would be better to remove my other fallopian tube too. But they told me that they could go ahead in the surgery and get rid of both. But I told them I would discuss it with my husband first and then get discharged. Either way, I think I'm gonna try ivf. But as the police go further down into their text logs, they find more messages from Haeyoung to sj. Because, I mean, none of these motives make any sense. It's clear that he did not accidentally kill her in a drunken fight, which, not that that would absolve anything, but it just doesn't make any sense. Haeyoung's messages to SJ read, but we always end up fighting because of physical contact. Contact. He responds, I want to be close to you because I love you. If two people love each other and feel good together, isn't it natural to have sex? I don't want to right now. If this keeps happening, we really can't keep seeing each other. Okay, I won't push you anymore. Then right before they get married, SJ texts Haeyoung. Why do it if I'm the only one who enjoys it? It should be something that we both want. Fine. From now on, we're not gonna fight about sex anymore. Anymore. Haeyoung is upset by this. She's like, we already had this conversation before about the same exact thing. Then another from SJ to Haeyoung. Don't say that you want to break up. There's nothing wrong between us. Hang is agitated. You know this is the first time I've ever told you that I want to break up, right? It's because I don't respond to your physical affection the way you want, and I can't match the level of affection that you expect. Facts. Let's just stop here. Honestly, it would be better for you to meet someone who fits your needs, because I can't do it anymore. The police investigate, and they find that in the toxicology reports, there were sleeping drugs in Hang's system. When she died, she would never take these drugs, these sleeping medications after drinking. She was really big on that. She thought that any sort of medication mixed with alcohol was like a surefire way to die. She would tell her sister, like, if you drink and take anything like Any sort of medication you will take die. The prosecutors believe that SJ approached Taeyong in the morning, asked for intimate relations. She is having a very heavy period. So it's kind of complicated in the sense of she was not actively miscarrying when she passes away. But it seems like there are lots of complications that were occurring after the miscarriage, after the ectopic pregnancy, after the surgery. And this period, it wasn't just like, oh, I'm just having a rough menstrual cycle this month. It seems like this is the after effects of everything that's happened. She's having really heavy bleeding. She's feeling unwell. He approaches her in the morning, asks for intimate relations. She denies it. And then he decides that he is going to impulsively kill her. That's how he describes it. But that impulsion lasts 12 hours long later. So that's in the morning. She denies having intimate relations.

[B]

That's after the night out.

[A]

No. So earlier, before the night out, he asks for intimate relations.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She says no. Yeah. So then they go out, they have a good time, and then he's very upset. He ends up killing her.

[B]

That night she come back, fell asleep. Oh, that night.

[A]

Yeah. It's just.

[B]

This is premeditated.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So is that what they.

[A]

That's what the police come to. And there is a whole like a behavioral psychologist that works for the police. They stated, I don't think this is a matter of sexual desire. So a lot of people are saying, okay, is this like a sex addict that is mixed with someone who has murderous tendencies? Not that we're finding excuses, but we're just trying to understand the concept of this. Because how does somebody. How does a husband murder his wife because she doesn't want to have intimate relations? Usually you hear of husbands who are having affairs. You hear of husbands for ABC and de reasons this feels a little out of the norm. The behavioral psychologist says, I don't think this was a matter of sexual desire. If it's just really high sexual desire, he could have been sexually obsessed with other women as well. But that doesn't seem to be the case. The case. This seems to be about control always. Yeah. They found other messages where he would text Taeyong like, don't ever think about cheating on me because I will track you down and I will kill you. Now I know a lot of people love to victim blame and they're gonna be like, oh well, she should have left and not gotten married if he threatened to kill her. But I will also Say that even in English. I think that there's miscommunication of like, I'll kill you. Like, like, I'll kill you if you do something. Like. I guess some people could think it as cute, but in Korean, it's even more so because, like, the term. Yeah. Or like, it's like, people say that a lot. Like, if someone is late for something, it's very common for family members to be like, oh, it's like, I'm gonna kill them. So it was probably texted in that format that. But I mean, there were some alarming things about him and I. Again, this is not me saying like, oh, she should have left. He's the problem, clearly. But there is one time where Hayoung's friends said they were in the car driving, and this is in Seoul. They get into a fight. He just stops the car in the middle of the road. There's cars honking behind him. And if you've ever driven in Seoul, if you've taken a taxi in Seoul, I mean, it's like New York City. People don't play. Play. Yeah, they're honking. He just stopped and will not stop fighting. The psychiatrist comments from the perspective of someone like the perpetrator, the victim leaving and becoming another man's wife was unimaginable. So it seems like she had brought up divorce in February. They don't end up getting the divorce, but things are progressing worse and worse. She rejects his advances. He decides, okay, she's definitely going to leave me that, and then decides with the lack of control, the anger, and his bizarre feelings towards having intimate relations with his wife. He kills his wife. And they write, you know, in other words, if I can't have her, I will destroy her. The case goes to trial. He's sentenced to 25 years in prison. A lot of people think that there could be more to the case in terms of he was alone with his deceased, deceased wife's body for hours. People are suspicious of what he could have done.

[B]

Yeah, what are those sounds?

[A]

Him choking her. And I don't know where the dragging noise is, though, if she was fighting and then she ended up on the ground and they're dragging in a tussle. I don't know if maybe he choked her somewhere else and then dragged her to the bed. But Hang's mom still keeps photos from the wedding day in her house. But she has cut out SJ out of all of them. And Hang's friends say it's been really hard. And also, this is a thing with sj, we don't know his name. We don't know what he looks like. Because of the identity protection rules in South Korea. In fact, we weren't really supposed to know who Haeong is, what she looks like, like, or anything about her. But her parents wanted her to be revealed because they said, you will never understand what was taken from us. If you don't see like the beauty in our girl, if you don't know who she is, that's so rare. Yeah. And I think a lot of. A lot of Hyung's friends see this as a way to prevent. I think it's different. So I think everywhere, but especially in places like East Asia, marriage is seen as like, you have to get. Get married. It's the next step of your life. And so a lot of people are using this case, amongst other cases, to be like, hey, you really don't have to get married. Because if you marry the wrong person, you could also be dead. Hyeong's friends say, whenever I'm struggling or I'm frustrated or I'm happy, I want to call Hang and I can't call her. And I think about her every single day of my life. And that is the case that recently went viral on Instagram where it was just like a headline of like, husband in South Korea kills wife because she said no to sex during her period. But it's just so. There's so much going on. Aside from that, what are your thoughts in this case? Let me know in the comments. Comments be safe and I will see you in the next one.

[C]

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