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Josh Holmes
He airs his first grievance and everybody's like, your grievance sucks. Yeah, right.
Michael Duncan
I brought some A material. Did you? For all. Yeah. I put a lot of thought of it because it's very good. This episode is going to be tremendous.
John Ashbrook
The ultimate feat of strength was a demonstration that this president and every single person involved in this operation executed flawlessly that the entire world saw and they knew that America was back.
Michael Duncan
For my political grievance, it would be Democrats who think they're Zoomers on TikTok.
Josh Holmes
I've worked at Coca Cola for 21 years.
Duncan
We're delivering Dr. Pepper from our brand.
John Ashbrook
New facility in Dallas, Texas.
Michael Duncan
We're really proud to still make Pepsi products in America. You don't need a college degree to work here, but I put four kids.
Josh Holmes
Through college by working here.
Duncan
This is a great place to work with great people and great American brands.
Michael Duncan
Grocery stores, convenience stores, restaurants, they all depend on us. We deliver great paying jobs.
Duncan
We deliver beverages people love.
Michael Duncan
We deliver for our community.
Announcer
Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please.
Michael Duncan
Keep the faith, hold the line and own the lids.
John Ashbrook
It's time for our main event.
Josh Holmes
Merry Christmas, everybody. Welcome back to the Ruthless Variety Program. I'm Josh Holmes along with comfortably smug Michael Duncan and John Ashbrook. Left or right across your radio dial. I think we're gonna do a little something different here. Festivus.
Duncan
Yeah, Festivus. So when I originally pitched this, it was like, you know, we missed an opportunity. This is the Christmas week, obviously, and you know, we're gonna have a great Christmas episode. But I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that there's a wonderful other holiday made famous from. From Seinfeld.
Josh Holmes
Yeah.
Duncan
Which is Festivus, which entails a number of things. Number one, an airing of grievances, which me, as a man with many grievances felt like barrel the back content.
Josh Holmes
This is custom made for the old.
Duncan
Man, for me, and then feats of strength. And as people who love sports and animal fighting, all that sort of stuff, it felt natural.
John Ashbrook
Yeah.
Duncan
And we haven't done that before in the Ruthless Variety Program. So I pitched the idea and this is where I think it gets to be pretty funny. And I was like, yeah, you know, it'd be a great idea if we did like a Festivus episode. We'll have some grievances. They could be political grievances. You can do like a non political grievance and stuff. And we can, you know, bat it around and have a good time.
Josh Holmes
I asked a few questions.
John Ashbrook
You Did.
Josh Holmes
I was like, okay, so non political political. Are you thinking non political? Are we sports or. And then you kind of like laid out. It was a global.
Duncan
Yeah. Not, you know, whatever grinds your gears.
John Ashbrook
Yeah.
Duncan
And we had a full on conversation with the thing and the whole. I'm doing this whole pitch. Our friend John Ashbrook's on his phone, not totally paying attention.
Michael Duncan
Who would have guessed? Like this is for listeners who don't get to see the behind the curtain, the moments of where Duncan's spinning gold. Like this guy's got genius pouring out and Ashbrook's on a phone 99% of the time chatting with the journo. Buddy. It's like the most. This is just what happens on a daily basis.
Duncan
And so I get at the end of the whole run up of like pitching the whole thing and everybody's like, great idea. I'm like, I gotta definitely do that. Yeah, we get it, we get it. We get what we gotta do. Ashbrook puts his phone down and he's like, all right, so what is this thing? What are we doing?
Michael Duncan
Just a day in the life.
Duncan
It's so perfect. And I tried to explain it to him and he's like, so what, I'm supposed to read your mind?
Michael Duncan
Yeah. How do I.
Josh Holmes
How am I supposed to know what this thing is?
John Ashbrook
Literally like I'm talking to my wife. I have to read your mind. Okay, I understand feats are strength, but the grievances, the complaining as a man, that's not something I usually do. You just sort of like, you just sort of gut it out.
Michael Duncan
Oh, sure.
Duncan
He's just.
John Ashbrook
You do, you don't always complain. That's not a luxury.
Josh Holmes
It's a man thing.
Duncan
He just doesn't respect art.
Josh Holmes
He doesn't respect art.
Michael Duncan
And when you had the pitch for this episode. Genius. I mean, I'm so thrilled.
John Ashbrook
It's very good.
Michael Duncan
I brought some A material.
Josh Holmes
Did you?
Michael Duncan
For all. Yeah, I put a lot of thought of it because it's very good. This episode is gonna be tremendous.
Josh Holmes
It's gonna be great. When you like and subscribe to the ruthless variety program, you're gonna get all of this over the holiday season. We take no breaks. No, we're gonna give you, I mean, the next few episodes. It's not exactly what it is that we do on a day to day basis, but it's gonna be the funniest stuff that we've got. So tune in, enjoy. Should we start with an airing of grievances?
Duncan
Yes, I think we probably should.
Josh Holmes
The way that I see it. Is that Johnny, given the fact that he is now taking shit off the top, ought to begin.
Michael Duncan
Yeah.
John Ashbrook
Good. Prime. All right. I'm going to start with my general grievance.
Michael Duncan
Okay.
John Ashbrook
Okay, Wolf, if you could put up graphic number one, please.
Josh Holmes
He's got graphics.
John Ashbrook
The NFL this season did away with the chains and they adopted a US Tennis association approach to measuring first downs. Now, every high school in this country, every college in this country, everybody who's ever played a down of football since the game was invented understands that chains are run out to measure the first down. Now.
Michael Duncan
Very imprecise after extremely precise, if we're being honest.
John Ashbrook
Down, down to the last link of the chain is like 10 yards.
Michael Duncan
I'm against science. Perfectly placing the ball.
John Ashbrook
That's fine.
Michael Duncan
We should go back to.
John Ashbrook
To get science. Listen, I'm sitting on the set here with three Tech bros who are more interested, more interested in making football more like tennis than it ever has been.
Duncan
This is actually a bad.
Michael Duncan
Actually a bad grievance.
Josh Holmes
So wait, hold on. You're saying. So I was watching a game a couple of weeks ago and they said, I think this is actually going to be one of these digital measurements. They're like, we've not seen it in the games that we've covered. We're 12 weeks into the season. They're like, we've not actually covered it. And then they had to cover it and they did what they did and whatever it was. So, like, I don't see this in practice happening in the NFL. They say that this is now a part of the game. And granted, I have not seen the idiots run out on the field with the 10 yard chains. And like, that's the thing is.
Michael Duncan
So this in effect has now. So there's been polling done on this among fans in the stadiums and it's like overwhelmingly positive because no time is wasted running out the chains. It was essentially just like a pay scheme for the referees union.
John Ashbrook
Yeah, yeah.
Michael Duncan
To get money running around with their stupid chains.
Duncan
Exactly. Right. Af me John Ashbrook wants you to go ahead and pay 10 unions.
Michael Duncan
Bingo.
Duncan
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
John Ashbrook
Let me just.
Michael Duncan
So it makes the game more exciting to watch because you're not wasting time with this. And more accurate, like, every call has.
Josh Holmes
Been paid, he hears his first grievance and everybody's like, you're grieving. It sucks. Yeah, yeah, Right, right.
John Ashbrook
And we got so fast into that. I feel like it didn't set up the facts of the situation adequately.
Josh Holmes
Okay.
John Ashbrook
In the NFL and in football, you know, you gotta get 10 yards to get a first down. And traditionally, there are these guys that walk out with the chains. You've seen them on the two ends of the chains with, you know, anybody who's not a football fan, just to explain.
Josh Holmes
I mean, we understand the.
John Ashbrook
You've seen them. They walk out.
Michael Duncan
No, you've already aired your grievance, and we all said it's wrong, but that's okay.
Duncan
Keep going.
John Ashbrook
I just want to make sure the people who are.
Michael Duncan
No, everyone gets it. We're just shocked that you don't understand that you're wrong.
John Ashbrook
And now they've walked away from this chain system, and they now have an electronic system where they put something up on the screen and they say, oh, the ball is not aligned. Where they.
Michael Duncan
So back in the day, grandpa, they had these chains, right? Is that how they did it?
Duncan
And they all wore leather helmets back.
John Ashbrook
In the day, as in last season or this season?
Duncan
I like this bowl.
Michael Duncan
It was wonderful. I was there.
John Ashbrook
No, no. I'm the only person sitting on this set who actually played it down a football after actually.
Duncan
Hold on.
John Ashbrook
Put on a jockstra.
Duncan
Hold on. I play football.
Josh Holmes
Oh, my God. That's outrageous.
Michael Duncan
Outrageous.
Josh Holmes
That is an outrageous slander.
John Ashbrook
But you know what? The fans have their urges. They want certain things electronically.
Josh Holmes
Where we go.
Michael Duncan
Yeah, it got dark. Yeah.
Josh Holmes
And we're talking about only fans.
Michael Duncan
This guy is angry because he's old. I mean, time passes you by. We get it. Those good old days.
Duncan
Do you have a political grievance?
Michael Duncan
I used to watch Mike Ditka out in Chicago in the 80s. We loved it. This guy.
John Ashbrook
Great coach.
Michael Duncan
Great coach.
John Ashbrook
Great coach.
Michael Duncan
Dick, no one supports the chains, but. Okay, I do.
John Ashbrook
I do.
Duncan
All right, you have a political grievance.
John Ashbrook
Grievance number two is a political grievance. And I do not have a graphic for this, but I do have a concern. And one of the great things about this new administration is they have taken a brand new approach to immigration in this country. They have closed the border. They are deporting people. But my concern is that they're not deporting the terrorists fast enough. What we watched happen during the Biden years are thousands and thousands of people who weren't from Mexico, who came from Tajikistan and Uzbekistan and North Africa and China, everywhere else in this world. All we see are stories of people from Central America being sent back to their Central American countries. Now, I believe that they're also deporting the terrorists back to their countries on the other hemisphere. But what I'm concerned about is they're not Doing that fast enough you'd like to.
Josh Holmes
Actually, this is a pretty good grievance.
Duncan
Yeah.
Josh Holmes
We've heard a lot about this lately in that there was. And this is allegations. Right. The administration hasn't talked about this at all.
John Ashbrook
This is just us normal dudes talking.
Josh Holmes
Yeah, but the implication was that there was some kind of a numbers quota that the administration was focused on in terms of reversing the 20 million people who got in here under the Biden administration. And so like yanking those numbers up were really important and who these people were were less important. Now they're all legal. Right. There's no argument about that. The question is, are we focusing resources on who you're talking about? Which is a whole bunch of people who could be much more dangerous than like a seasonal worker, for example.
John Ashbrook
Exactly. I've never seen a 22 year old Chinese guy standing outside of a Home Depot and it seems like they're going to Home Depot and they're deporting the people. You know, if you're here illegally, you're here illegally, I think also deported.
Michael Duncan
This is a good question.
John Ashbrook
Those are the kinds of people that I want to make sure are not here.
Michael Duncan
And I think you're right. And it's a tough question and it's for people who know the situation far. But like we had Todd Lyons on folks who are on the ground dealing with us.
Josh Holmes
We kind of grilled him on that component of it and he was like, look, if come across people who are here illegally, we're gonna deport them. Which is what his answer was. But I think to the point that you made, what I didn't hear was we're putting a special emphasis on fighting age Uzbeks here.
John Ashbrook
Right, exactly. And you come here for our honest takes. We're not just varnishing it to make somebody like us more. These are our actual concerns. And I think based on the comments that we get from the show, based on people who are writing in, I think this is a concern that's shared by many, many. Pretty good.
Josh Holmes
It's a pretty good one.
Duncan
Look, I get that. I would say the one thing in defense of the administration is like, you know, it's, it's, it's easier to deport somebody who had, you know, went to that hearing and is here illegally and overstays a visa.
Michael Duncan
Yeah.
Duncan
And it's here from Central America than somebody who's maybe here over some other qualified visa and overstays it, which is in a different.
Josh Holmes
I think that's also his point, though.
Duncan
No, I get It, I get it. But like, you know, there's obviously a ton of people that come from Central America or Mexico and illegally cross the border who've been in various points of, of deportation orders and these things over the last 10 years that they're deporting and. Right. And so it's like. I get that.
Josh Holmes
It's not, I think it's not. I mean, to be very clear with the audience, it's not that there is any difference of opinion, I think. And you guys tell me if I'm wrong about the deportation of people who are here illegally. The question is the emphasis, which, how do we prioritize?
Michael Duncan
Right.
Duncan
I guess my, I guess my point is like, do we go after a.
Michael Duncan
Low hanging fruit and try to put bigger numbers? Sure.
Duncan
But like the system has been fucking overwhelmed and overwhelmed on purpose.
Michael Duncan
Well.
Josh Holmes
Mine'S talked about that.
Duncan
You know, the Democrats did this on purpose and they overwhelmed the system on purpose. And this is the cloud piven strategy.
John Ashbrook
Of the left of everything.
Duncan
In order to tear down an entire system they disagree with, they overwhelm the system and to a point where it can't work. And it can't work right now under those circumstances.
Josh Holmes
And Johnny's point is if you are limited in bandwidth and if you are limited in any way about your ability to just do the job that everybody elected you to do, what you ought to do is prioritize.
Duncan
Yeah, I get that.
John Ashbrook
Right. We've got one shot. We've got the guy who has been put in power by the American people who seems to understand the problem. And I just want everyone working for him focused on getting the most dangerous people out of here.
Josh Holmes
That's pretty good grievance.
Duncan
That's a good grievance.
Josh Holmes
Pretty good. A split. A split decision on the panel's good. Receptive.
Michael Duncan
His first one was bad. The second is good.
John Ashbrook
No, first one is.
Duncan
First one was fucking terrible.
John Ashbrook
I'm honestly sorry. I'm sorry.
Duncan
You cultural luddite.
John Ashbrook
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you. I apologize for nothing. I'm sorry that you never played football.
Duncan
Sorry to get everything right. Sorry. I want every decision to be right.
Michael Duncan
On the football field.
Duncan
It's only like a trillion dollar industry. You got some guys in some chains to pull it out and be like, I think that's a first down.
Michael Duncan
No, we should have the why someone think of the union thugs.
John Ashbrook
That was his take. When New York. Just when New York determines everything, that's usually how it works out for the best. You guys are right.
Josh Holmes
We still have the Stopwatch on the field. I don't understand why we have these digital clocks.
John Ashbrook
Great system.
Josh Holmes
All right, Dunks, you're up next. And since this is your game. High expectations. High expectations.
Duncan
Well, I'm going to go ahead and deliver. All right, so my general grievance first.
Josh Holmes
Okay.
Duncan
Can we put up with that graphic? Look at that disgusting mess.
John Ashbrook
What is this? What is it?
Michael Duncan
Is it novelty version?
Duncan
You see that disgusting mess?
Josh Holmes
Yeah. What is it?
Duncan
Well, to describe it to our audio only listeners, this is a burger that defies the law of gravity. It defies the laws of gravity. It's way too tall.
Josh Holmes
Yeah, can't get your mouth around that.
Duncan
This is my grievance. My grievance is, why the fuck do we make burgers this tall? Because I think it's.
Michael Duncan
He's not wrong.
Duncan
I think it speaks to a larger problem in our society, and that is this isn't just a political problem of people trying to pander to the extreme of a thing. If you go on Instagram and you see content, that's food influencers. It's always like, here's a burger. Here's a burger that has 10 patties tall, and also it's all dipped in queso cheese. Yeah. It makes no sense.
John Ashbrook
Yeah.
Duncan
None of this is something that everyone would ever enjoy at a restaurant.
Josh Holmes
Right?
Duncan
Right.
Josh Holmes
It's like they're just throwing shit in there because it gets likes.
Duncan
It gets. It gets retweets.
Michael Duncan
It's kind of become like a meme. Like, they call it, like, millennial restaurants or millennial burger joint, where it's like. So it's. It's.
Josh Holmes
I heard this.
Michael Duncan
Dude, this is. It's so dead on. Once someone, like, tells you they're, like, the. The actual restaurant, like, they'll, like. The walls will be, like, wood and kind of look rustic. And they'll have, like, a neon sign that says, like, burgers with, like, 17 toppings tall. And then they bring out the burger like that, and it has, like, a knife through it and craft beers and, like, there's guac and queso on the burger.
Josh Holmes
So it's supposed to be, like, rugged, except for an inedible.
Duncan
So smug. I'm so glad you mentioned all of that, because that really is what I'm driving at in all of this, is that there is, I think, a cultural rot that's happening in culinary spaces.
Josh Holmes
Okay.
Duncan
And that is the $18 burger restaurant.
Michael Duncan
Dude, he's right.
Duncan
With the cheap aluminum chair you sit.
Michael Duncan
In, you sit on the aluminum stool. This is it.
Duncan
You can't you can't actually ever sit it on the ground. It. It wobbles. The chair wobbles.
Josh Holmes
And they're like, no authenticity.
Duncan
And they're like, oh, well, yeah, you gotta pay all this money because the menu is in thirsty font with a distress on it.
Michael Duncan
Yeah. And, and all the lights are like the Edison bulbs.
Duncan
No, there's, there's avocado on this burger. So of course it's 18 and it's way too big to fit in my face, dude. And, and, and it upsets me because it's, it's, it's so absurd and stupid. It's, it's a carnival. Part of, of, of going to a restaurant now is these burgers that are too fucking tall to eat. Our mouths are wide. They're not tall. It doesn't make any fucking sense. Am I wrong?
Michael Duncan
No, you're right.
Josh Holmes
No, no. In where you got me, I could have overlooked some of like the topping. And like people are, they want a novelty. They, they want something they can market or whatever. I get that where you really hooked me was in the restaurant itself.
Michael Duncan
It's disgusting.
Josh Holmes
And that you are, you are creating what you think is like some kind of a rustic throwback restaurant.
Michael Duncan
They have like 42 chair beers on tap and your little aluminum stool. You're gonna have a 10 foot tall burger with a knife through it.
Josh Holmes
That's 40 bucks.
Michael Duncan
It's awful.
Duncan
Here's what I want.
Josh Holmes
Bullshit.
Duncan
Here's what I want. I want a burger that I can eat with my mouth. And I want all of the ingredients to be prepared disproportionate where I enjoy it, where I bite it.
Josh Holmes
Is it too much to just get something we want to eat and I.
Duncan
Don'T need a fucking huge napkin to wipe my face every time I want to take a bite of the fucking thing?
Josh Holmes
Yes. It's impractical.
Duncan
It's impractical and ridiculous.
John Ashbrook
I'm glad this was your chosen grievance because I agree with this one. Your unspoken grievance for the year, usually for everybody listening, you don't always get to hear Michael's grievance, but his actual grievance for the year when it comes to food is nachos. This is a guy who hates nachos, and I like nachos. I think it's pretty standard appetizer you get when you're with friends. You order nachos. Michael hates nachos. And it's because he wants all of the nacho ingredients in different, like ramekins and bowls and different plates around so he can, like, dip in the cheese.
Duncan
And dip in the beans and then.
John Ashbrook
Dip in the salsa?
Duncan
No, I just.
John Ashbrook
I prefer it all on one plate. I think that's a great American dish.
Duncan
No, it's not. I think. I think nachos. He fucking. He wound me right up. He put a quarter in my back.
Josh Holmes
No, no, it's not.
Duncan
No. The problem with nachos is it's the greatest goof on the American restaurant goer in history.
John Ashbrook
It's also delicious. It's excellent.
Duncan
It's like. It's like, you know, you remember when you went to middle school or high school and the lunch on the day on Wednesday was, you know, hamburgers, cheeseburgers, and then lo and behold, on Thursday, it's meatloaf. Where the fuck you think that meatloaf came from?
Josh Holmes
Yeah, right. They just made it out of the hamburger.
Duncan
Yeah.
Josh Holmes
And you're saying that nachos.
Duncan
That's nachos.
Josh Holmes
Nachos are a byproduct of everything else. You couldn't sell, everything you couldn't sell.
Duncan
They just like throw it on a fucking plate with a bunch of chips. And they were like, you fucking sucker. You sucker. You sucker. You bought this.
John Ashbrook
It's also delicious.
Michael Duncan
Shut up.
Duncan
Shut up.
Michael Duncan
Nachos are great.
Duncan
Everybody enjoys. Everybody enjoys the 10 chips on the outside that are still crisp. Or they can choose what they can put on their chips. That's why you gotta be careful. And they enjoy it. Every chip in the middle is a sloppy, soggy, goddamn mess.
John Ashbrook
That's why you get a chocolate.
Duncan
Nachos are the biggest lie of any restaurant. Never get nachos. It is disgusting. It is a complete ruse. You've been had.
John Ashbrook
Don't listen to him.
Michael Duncan
Don't listen to him.
Josh Holmes
In the history of restaurants. Nachos.
Duncan
Nachos.
Michael Duncan
They're actually terrific, dude. Oh, it's so good.
Josh Holmes
The airing of grievances. We should probably do this more often, right?
Michael Duncan
Clearly, we need to.
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Duncan
I gotta get to my political grievance, which I think is equally astute.
Josh Holmes
On my point out, I'm surprised to hear your I have my own analysis, your fanship of your own choice.
Duncan
Look, this isn't even really a political take. I mean, it is, but it's not a partisan take, I would say I have a complaint with political ads, as I'm sure everybody who watches this, I.
Josh Holmes
Can already tell I'm going to like this.
Duncan
Everybody here has a complaint with political ads. If you have to watch television, you see them and you fucking hate them. The thing I really hate is something that I've noticed over the last four or six years, and that is the way that the candidate disclaimer in ads has been bastardized. It used to be for people, all of us who've worked in political campaigns.
Josh Holmes
This is all a result of McCain Feingold. In the last six seconds of every ad where somebody has to say, I am dick and balls and I approve this message.
Duncan
I approve this message. And you should be just like throw away three seconds at the end of every ad.
Josh Holmes
Yeah.
Duncan
It'S changed over the course of the last four or six years. There's been a lot of candidates, most of them Democrats, who have really abused that candidate disclosure. Just be fucking annoying.
Michael Duncan
Okay, I know exactly what you mean.
Duncan
Where instead of saying, I am candidate X, I approve this message. Oh, they weave it into the message. They weave it into the message.
Michael Duncan
It's not like this ad I paid for. I'm Christian Gillibrand. I paid for this ad because someone needs to stand up for working families and have child care.
Josh Holmes
And I approve that message.
Michael Duncan
And it's like, dude, shut up. Just say paid for bike. You know?
Duncan
Yeah, shut the up.
Michael Duncan
They've turned it into another, you annoying.
Duncan
Politician, shut the up. I already had to watch the first 27 seconds of this and now you just can't do the thing you're required by law to do. Instead, you Gotta waste more of my time with some shit that's bullshit.
Michael Duncan
It's theater kism.
Duncan
It's fucking annoying.
Michael Duncan
It's theater kiddism.
Josh Holmes
Okay, so isn't it an attempt, though, to try to get, like, two and a half more cities?
Duncan
Of course it is. And that's the part that pisses me off.
Josh Holmes
Okay. All right. All right.
Duncan
Let's put the first clip up.
Josh Holmes
Okay.
Michael Duncan
I'm Christina Bohannon and I approve this message because we've got to take on the drug companies and lower prescription prices to put Iowa first. Okay, okay, Okay.
Josh Holmes
I see what you're doing.
Michael Duncan
Yeah.
John Ashbrook
Where did you find that one?
Duncan
This Kristen Bohannon is terrible.
Josh Holmes
Wait, I don't even know who that is.
Duncan
Okay, so she ran against Miriam Miller Meeks in Iowa in 2024. And I just noticed that this one candidate was. All of her ads are this bullshit. It's a 30 second ad, but the last 15 seconds are this shit where she's doing the candidate identification, but it actually just becomes the message.
Josh Holmes
Yes.
Duncan
And I just find that annoying.
Josh Holmes
It's annoying.
Duncan
Yeah. Let's play a fuck another one.
Josh Holmes
Okay.
Michael Duncan
I'm Christina Bohannon and I approve this message because when it comes to our bodies, women should be in charge, not Washington politicians.
Josh Holmes
Oh, thank you.
Michael Duncan
Not Washington freedoms.
Josh Holmes
I mean, like, it's also. Also, I'm running to be a Washington politician, and I'd like to be in.
Duncan
Charge, I guess, just like.
John Ashbrook
That's good. Look.
Michael Duncan
Hilarious, bitch.
Duncan
Look, look, I'm not one typically to be like, what we really need is more regulation.
Josh Holmes
Yeah.
Duncan
But if the FEC did anything successfully, I would say do this. Just make politicians say, I am so and so. And I endorse this message.
Josh Holmes
Okay, so you want. You want to just limit your. Your creative ability at the end?
John Ashbrook
Like the verbal version of what you see in the box at the bottom of the.
Duncan
Yeah, ye be the requirement. You shouldn't be able to freelance this bullshit where half the ad is actually a disclaimer, but it's really not a disclaimer. Nobody really even knows this disclaimer because you're doing all this bullshit.
Josh Holmes
Okay, well, so here's the thing. I do find this annoying.
Duncan
And I.
Josh Holmes
From that standpoint, your grievance lands with me. I'd like to get rid of the whole thing, all of it, and ads in it. The ladies. What do I care if she says her name on the screen or not? She's running for office. Presumably she'd want to know me, to know who she is. I don't need the federal government to tell me that she needs to say her name. All this is just trampling.
Michael Duncan
All this is just trampling on the First Amendment.
John Ashbrook
Right. You're right.
Michael Duncan
Free speech is free speech.
John Ashbrook
Yep.
Michael Duncan
Unregulated. It should not be regulated.
Duncan
All I'm saying is they're gonna be annoying.
Josh Holmes
Yes.
Duncan
If they're gonna be annoying, they should be annoying in lower amounts of time.
Michael Duncan
Fair.
Josh Holmes
I'm halfway on that home run on the first one. Thank you, Smuggles.
Michael Duncan
So I don't require, like, a graphic or a video or anything for my general grievance. And it's, I think, an important one. And I hope everyone listens to this one very closely. There's a rut that's happening across this country, and it's the way people are using their phones in public. And if your phone is not muted, what are you doing?
Josh Holmes
Oh, this is a. I'm sold. You know, I want to hear the rest of what you have to say.
Michael Duncan
People will sit down and pause, and they will play a video.
Josh Holmes
Yeah.
Michael Duncan
And they'll just watch it with, like. They don't have, like, headphones on. They're just, like, playing it out loud for the world. Like, you're sitting in your living room watching tv. Don't do that.
Josh Holmes
It's an outrage.
Michael Duncan
Get yourself. Like, you can get. You can get headphones for cheap. There is zero excuse. You can get them for five bucks at a drugstore at this point. Right. Like, there's no excuse. You're subjecting everyone else. I don't even care if it's something that I would enjoy. I didn't opt in to be part of your little video presentation. You know what I mean?
Josh Holmes
Also, like the speakerphone.
Michael Duncan
Exactly. Don't use speakerphone. Your phone, get some headphones for it. No one else should be able to hear what you are listening to, whether that's a conversation, whether that's a video or anything. Using speakerphone in public is so obnoxious.
Josh Holmes
A couple of months ago, I was at an airport, and there was a woman sitting in the gate area surrounded by people. Like, the plane was a few minutes late. And so it's a packed gate area, and she's got her phone on speakerphone. She's arguing with her mother at high decibels. And it's starting to get theatrical in some ways. And, like, it's impossible to ignore it.
Duncan
Right.
Josh Holmes
Cause we can all hear the conversation. They're going back and forth with one another, and she's like, walk. And then she stands up and starts walking around like, theatrical gestures and whatnot. And this couldn't have landed harder with me. And it's like, all of us have been in a situation where you either got, like, a business call or, like, call about the kids or something that's happening, where you're in a public space, and you immediately go try to find.
Michael Duncan
Your little corner to take this call privately.
Josh Holmes
Yeah. Like, you're throwing the earbuds in. You're trying to do this, and you're hoping that you're not gonna bother everybody with it. And there's something about America right now.
Michael Duncan
And it's just what you said. You're hoping not to bother other people because you have something which has been lost on society. It's called courtesy.
John Ashbrook
Yes.
Michael Duncan
Gone out the window. Where everyone's. It really feels like Covid was, like, the turning point where it just broke society to where everyone's just like, I owe nothing to society. I'm gonna go out in public and be the worst form of myself. And you all have to deal with.
Josh Holmes
Yeah.
Michael Duncan
And that. That's acceptable. It's like, I want President Trump put out a presidential edict. If someone's on speakerphone in public, you're allowed to hit them.
Josh Holmes
Free.
Michael Duncan
Pardons Police.
John Ashbrook
Yeah.
Michael Duncan
Police should tase individuals who are playing videos out loud in public or taking speaker phone calls in public. Tase them, jail them, and beat them.
Duncan
Smug. I disagree in one. In one facet of this, the tech guy. I don't think we should tase them. I don't think it requires an edict. I think it requires an extraordinary rendition. Like you're a terrorist.
John Ashbrook
Oh, yeah. I think if somebody.
Duncan
I think if somebody has it on speakerphone at an airport in a public place, a hood should be put over their head, and they should be removed.
Michael Duncan
You get to drink water really fast.
Josh Holmes
That's what you get.
Duncan
Yeah.
Josh Holmes
Waterboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Duncan
Cause you're a terrorist.
Josh Holmes
Because if we actually secured this country in any real way, we wouldn't have to deal with the TSA and the metal detectors and everything. We would just go about our business as we used to do as a culture.
John Ashbrook
Exactly.
Josh Holmes
But the TSA people need a job. And so what their job must be at that point is arresting, detaining, and extraordinarily renditioning speakerphone users.
Duncan
Yes. To a black site.
Josh Holmes
I feel like this is. I'm on board.
Michael Duncan
I'm on board. Great idea.
Josh Holmes
I'm on board. That's a 10 of 10 for me.
Michael Duncan
And for my political grievance, it would be Democrats who think they're Zoomers on TikTok. Could we get a video of this, please?
Duncan
Some people I should be working right now.
Josh Holmes
Instead I'm pumping iron in the chest. He's the worst of fan.
Michael Duncan
He is pretty terrible. So Sigma, look at this lady. Character, energy. But Republicans Project 2025 is mad sus. So that was a 300 year old woman trying to act like she's a young person on TikTok. And it's horrible. And they're all doing it. And the thing is they think it works and it's cause all their staffers are idiots. None of their staffers have one shit. So they don't know what actually works with voters. They're just like, I have this job, I guess I'm gonna TikTok professionally. I'm gonna force my boss to TikTok professionally. And that's not how you win elections. The funny thing is you notice is like, these are like blue of the bluest state people who do this shit, yo.
Josh Holmes
Yeah, totally.
Michael Duncan
So it's not like they're actually trying to do anything to serve the public or convince voters to support them. And like this guy's from Massachusetts, of course he can do this shit.
Josh Holmes
That chick's pretty hot though. I mean, I'm just. I've said it before on the program. I'll say it again, like that's going to improve his TikTok, no question. Yeah.
Duncan
But here we have Delorio, who looks like a human gargoyle.
Josh Holmes
Yeah. I mean that.
Michael Duncan
She's the Crypt Keeper.
Josh Holmes
You couldn't. You couldn't swipe up fast enough if that popped up.
Michael Duncan
And so like I'm. I've had it with that. And it's so frustrating because all their staffers are these dumb zoomers who don't know how to win and they've convinced their bosses to do this and it's. That's horrible for all of us.
Josh Holmes
I think that's fantastic. I like it. I think it speaks to a larger issue that we've found in modern era in terms of political consulting, whether it's in the staff area on comms or whether it's in campaigns, which is this sort of proliferation of people who consult based upon what they think and what they consume.
Michael Duncan
100%, dude. You're right.
Josh Holmes
And I've noticed this. This has been an increasing thing in Republican politics, probably close to 10 years now, where you've got these consultants that show up. You're a political consultant, your job is to win an election. Except that they have like hard ideological views and they have hard views about how they consume information. And so they put everything through their own lens, their own prism into what your strategy ought to be. And, like, the goal of, like, a perfect political consultant is agnostic to everything. And you may have huge convictions one way or the other, but that's not the point.
Duncan
The point is the candidate's the one.
Michael Duncan
Who'S supposed to have the ideological convictions. The conservative job is to get them elected.
Josh Holmes
You're a salesman.
Michael Duncan
Bingo.
Josh Holmes
You're a salesman. And if you're not a salesman, you're not getting the job done. And I am afraid that in the era of Trump and the Democrat thing speaks for itself, all these people are just like, completely, completely lunatics. But I am afraid that in the era of Trump where his personality and his salesmanship has been so extraordinary, there is a bunch of people out there who think that what they think about something constitutes political advice. It doesn't. It has absolutely nothing to do with it. Like, if you are a political consultant, you may believe super strongly in something that is gonna lose your guy the election.
Michael Duncan
Yep.
Josh Holmes
Are you gonna give him that advice? That's insane.
Duncan
Might I offer you something more? There's some consultants in the Trump era who think they're Donald Trump himself.
Josh Holmes
Yeah, yeah, that too. That too. That.
Duncan
It's not just the advice.
Josh Holmes
Yeah, no, no, right.
Duncan
They think they can do it, too.
Josh Holmes
They think they can do it. And some candidates who try to replicate it, and there's no authenticity whatsoever. Voters can see through that in this era. Very good choices. Very, very good choice. Democrats are just a lost cause, like, dropping the occasional fuck. And they'll be like, oh, that's authentic.
Michael Duncan
They just don't get gritty. They just don't get it.
Josh Holmes
Oh, I'm gonna say shit.
John Ashbrook
I'm gonna do it. Everybody.
Josh Holmes
Yeah, I'm gonna say it. I said shit. And everybody's like, oh, my gosh, that's so gritty, inauthentic. You got. You must really mean it. You.
Duncan
I mean, for real, right?
Josh Holmes
It's just unbelievable. All right, is it my turn? Am I starting with the non political grievance? Yeah, you guys all know exactly what it is that I'm talking about. But we've never spoken about this before. Okay, in D.C. this is particularly an issue, although in any metropolitan area, you see almost any metropolitan area, you see elements of this, and what it is, is tourists, foreign tourists, but foreigners in general walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk. There is no, like, thing that you can do to piss me off worse than a part of. It's a courtesy thing.
Michael Duncan
Is this like Minneapolis?
Josh Holmes
No.
Michael Duncan
Because that's how Somalia rolls.
Josh Holmes
Yeah, it's been a while. No, it's been a while since I've been.
Michael Duncan
It's like the call to prayer goes out in Minneapolis. Walking on the left side of the road. Is that how it works?
Josh Holmes
I mean, you think you're taking shots. You might be right about that. I'm just telling you.
Michael Duncan
It sounds like Minneapolis.
Duncan
Here comes the call.
Michael Duncan
Morning.
Josh Holmes
And Minnie, I understand that in different countries, you drive on the different side of the road than we do. I get that. In this country, we drive on the right side of the road, and we also similarly walk on the right side of the sidewalk.
John Ashbrook
Yeah.
Duncan
What the fuck's a kilometer? We don't know.
Josh Holmes
We don't know, and we don't give a fuck. But if you walk out, I guarantee you, when we walk out of this studio, you walk down this sidewalk, you take a right, take a left, you're going to encounter at least 10 people who are, like, snapping pics, doing whatever in a language that's indecipherable. Walking on the left side, not the right side. And it requires you to just sort of circumvent as if you're the one that's in the wrong on the whole thing. It drives me absolutely insane. If you're gonna come here, we walk on the right, we drive on the right. Stay on the fucking right.
John Ashbrook
Yeah. It's like somebody should give them a guide, like a travel guide. Think about how much Fromers. Yeah. Think about how much work Americans do to make sure that they're ready for the big trip to Europe. You watch Rick Steves and you try to make sure you understand their cultural differences so that you can fit in and be a part of it and enjoy their. Their country when you're visiting. And then in America, nobody does that for us.
Michael Duncan
Yeah. When you use an atm, the first thing is, what language are you talking? It's like, well, I'm in the US Why are you asking me? It should be English. Like, it's ridiculous.
Josh Holmes
Now there's 17 different languages. And then they take their money out and they turn around.
Michael Duncan
Voting booths are now the same way. Dude, when. When they, like, they. You go to. When you go to vote, it's like 19 languages explaining, like, how to vote. It's like, dude, if you don't even know how to speak English and read English, we're letting you vote.
Josh Holmes
You're voting clearly.
Michael Duncan
I mean, look at Minneapolis.
Josh Holmes
Yeah. Thanks for the double blast. I appreciate that.
Michael Duncan
One for the road.
Josh Holmes
Awesome. All right, so my political grievance, this one goes a long way. Johnny's heard this a million times because it's gone since the beginning of my political career. If you are a conservative, if you believe in limited government, you have absolutely no business complaining about Congress not being in session. It is the most insane argument to me of all time when you get these like Marjorie Taylor, Greens of the world or whomever. Like we weren't even working in the month of October. Like, despite the fact that the Democrats shut the thing down, the House had no purpose in being there because Senate Democrats were the ones who were a problem. Like all those situations, as if you weren't in session. That means good news for the American people. That means that there weren't laws being passed that are horribly shitty. And by the way, if you're a conservative, you don't want more laws. You don't want, if anything, you want the repealing of laws.
Michael Duncan
I oppose this. Take. No, I want them there 24 7. Cutting taxes and investigating Democrats.
John Ashbrook
They never do that.
Michael Duncan
I want Congress to be in session investigating and locking up Democrats 24 7.
Josh Holmes
But I can't ignore it every single day. That's a nice thing to talk about.
Michael Duncan
Because Democrats are putting conservatives in jail. Democrats were sending out subpoenas. Democrats were locking up conservatives. I want a Republican House and Senate to spend all day long locking up Democrats, especially the elected type. Because God knows when the Democrats were in power, they were going after conservatives 24 7. They didn't take a day off. It was like their full time job was like, can we lock up some conservatives around here? And all day long we see Democrats committing these crimes, stealing billions in Minneapolis. Where are the handcuffs?
Josh Holmes
I just have to remind you should.
Michael Duncan
Be in jail today, right now. And it should be like the House and Senate meeting being like, okay, we gotta up these numbers. We need to put all these Democrats, we need to put BLM in jail. We need to put a lot of people in jail journals, a lot of journalists.
Josh Holmes
I appreciate the take and I appreciate the longevity of it.
Michael Duncan
But if you're locking up the Dems.
Josh Holmes
But, but what I don't, what I don't know that you could have familiarized yourself is with the Constitution in and of itself. There are three articles. Everything you talked about was not in a legislative branch.
Michael Duncan
Well, one of these days I bet the Constitution is going to stand up and protect us from antifa. Right? One of these days it's going to jump up and it's going like, all right guys, I Got it from here.
Josh Holmes
I changed my grievance. It was that. Now it's this. Now. Now what my grievance actually is, is everything Smug said, a fundamental misunderstanding of the way your government works and the idea you and you alone have this beautiful idea of what needs to be done. And God damn it, if they're not all in session doing their job, then nobody gets prosecuted. Nobody. Never mind the fact that there are separate articles of the Constitution dealing with each body. We were talking about an Article 2 function. You're talking about an Article 3 function. But never mind all that. I don't need to do any helping.
Michael Duncan
You care about Article 2 or 3 when they were sent cops to Mar a Lago.
Josh Holmes
I don't need to. I don't need to think about. But the way that the system works. What I need to think about is my justice.
Michael Duncan
Yeah.
Josh Holmes
And my truth.
Duncan
What I really want to do is get some popcorn for me and Ashbrook to watch Holmes and Smug argue over the Constitution.
Josh Holmes
I can't stand dumb. I can't. You know what it is, dude? I'll tell you what it is. And the reason that I picked this one is I can't stand dumb fuckery. And we're surrounded by it right now. Yeah. Every single fucking person who's like, on air at all times. Like, oh, well, this is that. This with Charlie Kirk and oh, the Jews did it and all of this other shit. Like, none of them have spent a fucking single day, not one day, learning anything about their government. They don't know a single thing because.
Michael Duncan
They'D be horrified of all the criminals there. And they're not getting locked up. The Dems aren't getting locked up. They need to get locked up. We gotta lock these people up. Tim Walsh, you think he didn't know that these billions of dollars are getting stolen?
Duncan
What is this?
Josh Holmes
This is what I'm talking about.
Michael Duncan
Yeah.
Josh Holmes
This is precisely what I'm talking about.
Duncan
Smug can't stop doing the best.
Josh Holmes
It can't. But it's like this is exactly it. It's like, yes to everything that you're saying, but if you don't know how to do it, you don't know what you're talking about.
Michael Duncan
You guys remember when the House had that meeting and they were a January 6th commission, and they're like, oh, my God, we have to lock up Trump. That's what the Democrats do. When they got Congress, we got Congress. We need to lock the Dems up. We gotta lock em up.
Josh Holmes
Yeah. How many indictments came out of that Too many.
Michael Duncan
They locked up way too many conservatives. It's time to lock the Democrats up. If you ask me, people.
Josh Holmes
It's actually an Article 3, as you said. It's time to lock them D.C. circuit Court.
Michael Duncan
They need to lock up all the Dems.
Josh Holmes
But this is the thing. And the same goes with the idea that members of Congress being here making laws do good for the conservative movement. It doesn't. They were back all of about four days before Marjorie Taylor Greene shows up shitting all over Trump, before Thomas Massie comes up talking about what it is that he's not going to do on behalf. And like all of a sudden now they've got a problem with Speaker Johnson. God knows why, I don't know. They passed like the entirety of the Trump agenda in the first six months of the year. But like Johnson's now, now the problem. They're all fighting amongst each other and they're trying to figure out a shitty way to do whatever. And now Democrats have them in a vice grip over a discussion about health care. And what they're going to end up doing in the first quarter of next year is passing another shitty bill that gets out from underneath the politics of something on health care that's not going to do anything to lower your premiums at all. You know why? Because they were here talking about fucking health care. If we look, they were not here, you wouldn't have to deal with this bull. If they weren't here, you wouldn't have Obamacare in the fucking first place.
John Ashbrook
Oh, that's true.
Josh Holmes
That's my point is that like this is the can't argue with that fundamental issue. And I know because I spent 15 years up there, the more time you leave these people around, the more dumb shit that they're going to do. And it's gonna land on your doorstep.
John Ashbrook
That's right.
Michael Duncan
We gotta lock the Dems up.
John Ashbrook
My God.
Josh Holmes
It was a pretty good bit.
Duncan
It was a pretty good bit.
Josh Holmes
All right, so I've got a. We have to go wrap around and now get into feats of strength when we come back. Yeah, and that's the other piece of this, right?
Duncan
Yeah, it's the other part of Festivus.
Josh Holmes
And that's just wide open.
Duncan
Open, wide open.
John Ashbrook
Anything you want.
Michael Duncan
It's gonna be good.
Josh Holmes
Feats of strength when we come back. Okay. Feats of strength. Fellas, this is the last leg of the three legged stool of Festivus. Duncan, since you invented this episode, I feel like you ought to lead with it.
Duncan
Well, I mean, feats of strength in the context of the Seinfeld episodes. Gonna be a little bit different here for us.
John Ashbrook
We're not gonna wrestle each other.
Duncan
We're not gonna wrestle.
Josh Holmes
No.
Duncan
We're not gonna arm wrestle.
Michael Duncan
Or Duncan would win that. Because unlike you, Ashbrook, he's actually competed in wrestling.
Josh Holmes
Yeah.
John Ashbrook
Oh, that's true. I would not do that.
Duncan
But I think we got some good content. We gotta start with Ashbrook.
John Ashbrook
Okay. When Michael told me about this, I try to think of what, what is it? Just a. A feat of strength that stands out among the rest. And I started thinking about the last four years in this country under Joe Biden and the weakness that he brought into every single day as an American. And the first thing that came to my mind as the ultimate feat of strength was a demonstration that this president and every single person involved in this operation executed flawlessly. That the entire world saw and they knew that America was back. Lee, can we play clip 4?
News Reporter
This is a Fox News alert. News from the President of the United States that there has been an attack inside Iran. Just moments ago, President Donald Trump putting out on Truth Social. We have completed our very successful attack on three nuclear sites in Iran, including Fordo, Natanz and Esfahan. All planes are now outside of Iran airspace. Again, this from President Donald Trump. A full payload of bombs was dropped on the primary site, Fordo. All planes are safely on their way home. Congratulations to our great American warriors. There is not another military in the world that could have done this. Now is the time for peace. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Michael Duncan
That was the genesis of thank you for your attention. Which is the hardest way to roll.
John Ashbrook
Out of line, buddy. They called it Operation Midnight Hammer. The hardest name you could have come up with for that operation. And think about all the guys, think about all the people who are actually working on this. Spent years perfecting the mission and making sure they could get it just right. They executed flawlessly and they put America back at the top of the heap where we belong. Thank God for that.
Josh Holmes
Bitches before it, by the way, which is my favorite part about it and why I just full throated agree with you. Everybody was like, oh, they can't do that. We'll start a global World War Three. Oh, my gosh, what will Iran do if that happens?
Michael Duncan
And a lot of that is engineered by the Obama bros. Who are extremely tight with journos and tried to get that into the bloodstream because it was the Obama bros And Ben Rhodes who were responsible for handing pallets of cash to Iran. And this whole like, be weak on Iran thing was their baby.
Josh Holmes
That was it.
Michael Duncan
It was like the foreign policy of Obama was basically like, let Iran do whatever they want, let him run amok. And so they were super dedicated to keeping that policy in place. And when Trump rolls up and he's like, fuck, no, we're gonna fucking stop him right now. They lost their minds.
Josh Holmes
Yeah, yeah.
Duncan
But it wasn't just the Obama bros. There was like, I think this has happened a lot in the Trump era as there's been a shift of the Overton wind comes to foreign policy. And that is everything outside of isolationism is. Is your neocon.
Josh Holmes
Yeah.
Duncan
Right. And which obviously isn't true.
Josh Holmes
Right.
Duncan
At least when we grew up, being a neocon meant you believed in nation building. Nation building and spreading democracy and turning countries that aren't democratic into democracies, which of course was a fucking failure.
Josh Holmes
I mean, in terms of what the definition of neocon is that remains. It's just been perverted.
Duncan
Perverted. It's been perverted entirely. And so there are a lot of people in that whole discourse around this attack on the nuclear sites in Iran who are like, this is a neocon foreign policy. This is going to put hundreds of thousands of boots on the ground of Americans into Iran. We're going to start a world war. And of course, none of that actually happened.
Michael Duncan
It's like, that's how you prevent it.
Duncan
From becoming a problem.
John Ashbrook
It's true. One of the great luxuries of Trump's strength is that Republicans and conservatives have the. Have the ability to continue to argue amongst themselves about what constitutes a neocon or what should we do, what shouldn't we do? You know who has no voice right now? It is the terrorists who are working at the bottom of Fordeau because those guys were bombed efficiently and America is on top. That's right. Thanks to Donald Trump.
Josh Holmes
Remember all the articles that came out? Oh, they think maybe they didn't hit it.
Duncan
Oh, no, right.
Josh Holmes
Oh, maybe they didn't get it.
John Ashbrook
Right.
Josh Holmes
Looks like they fucking got it, folks. It's not running.
John Ashbrook
You know what I think I feel like Trump. I feel like Trump should say. I feel like everybody who is involved in that operation should say to these people who are arguing back and forth, you're welcome. You're able to argue amongst yourselves simply because we're the strongest country in the world, because these guys put their lives on the line for you.
Michael Duncan
There was a special. I can't remember who did it. Where does that reporter work? Mary Margaret Ohanian.
John Ashbrook
Yeah.
Michael Duncan
Is it Ola Haining, or. It's an Irish last name.
John Ashbrook
Yeah.
Duncan
Daily Caller.
Michael Duncan
Is it Daily Caller?
Duncan
I think so.
Michael Duncan
Or Daily. One of them.
John Ashbrook
She's a Daily Caller. Mary Margaret Olhan.
Michael Duncan
They got to go to the, like, Air Force base where the Stealth bombers.
Josh Holmes
Took off from Missouri.
Michael Duncan
Dude, those Stealth bombers are so fucking cool.
John Ashbrook
Oh, yeah.
Josh Holmes
And they flew all day and night and got there and dropped their deal.
Michael Duncan
Best military in the world.
John Ashbrook
Guys worked their entire career to do something like this. It is just like when you think of a feat of strength. I can't think of anything better.
Michael Duncan
We have the best military in the world, thank God. And President Trump knows how to care for them and use them in a way that makes no one want to fuck with America.
Josh Holmes
No question about it. That is a feat of strength. All right, Dunks, what do we got?
Duncan
Well, when I think of a feat of strength, I think of courage.
John Ashbrook
Okay.
Duncan
I think of men who have the courage to do something that would otherwise be impossible. And that is the next clip.
Josh Holmes
No, you son of a bitch.
Michael Duncan
My God. This is.
John Ashbrook
This is for the audio only, listeners. This is a video of the Minnesota Vikings cheerleaders who this year have two men who are working as their cheerleaders.
Michael Duncan
Their men are. They let men dress up as women cheerleaders and dance in Minnesota.
John Ashbrook
I can't believe you did this, Michael. I can't believe you did that.
Duncan
These men had performance.
Michael Duncan
Can I just say that, like, you know, it's the holiday season, for crying out loud. If we're talking about feats of strength, I think an award should also go to Holmes, Mrs. Who had the strength to protect their sons from that kind of deviance. And they are Eagles fans where they don't have men dancing in dresses. What's going on? Because if they were Vikings fans, your boys would have to see that kind of. This kind of disgusting nonsense.
Duncan
Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Smug.
Josh Holmes
Well, you know, leave it to our friend Michael to pick two gentlemen like that as his feet of strength of the year.
Michael Duncan
That's your team, right? That's the Minnesota way.
Josh Holmes
I understand that.
Duncan
They are courageous.
Michael Duncan
That's what they like in Minnesota.
John Ashbrook
Oh, my.
Michael Duncan
I'm surprised they allow that under Sharia.
Duncan
Skull Skull Uncharia.
Michael Duncan
Because Minneapolis is officially a sharia.
Josh Holmes
Well, you see how it worked out.
Duncan
How does that work at the call to prayer?
Josh Holmes
It's not.
Michael Duncan
That is shocking.
Josh Holmes
That's not great. But I'll. Next year we'll try the call to prayer because this thing didn't work out. Unbelievable.
Michael Duncan
It's like your choices in Minneapolis Is either this or Sharia.
Josh Holmes
I love.
Michael Duncan
He's like, there's no moderate option left on the ground.
Josh Holmes
Let me pick out what the annual thing is. Oh, I know. I'll just dunk on my buddy.
John Ashbrook
I thought. I thought Holmes was going to come back and say that the feat of strength was the turf at the Jacksonville Jaguars stadium and what it did to Danny Dimes last weekend.
Duncan
That's a really rude thing to say.
Michael Duncan
Hey, you got Philip Rivers, dude.
Duncan
Rude thing to say to a competitor. At least he wants to play football. Unlike Joey Burrow.
John Ashbrook
No, Joe Burrow, who'd rather play fucking.
Duncan
Video games and do press conferences about his. His. His emo behavior.
Michael Duncan
Dude, that's a mess. He's playing football.
John Ashbrook
Unlike your quarterback. They had to call in an old.
Duncan
Man, ripped his Achilles apart and you're going to give me shit.
Josh Holmes
Fuck you look forward to all your teams losing.
John Ashbrook
I didn't rip his Achilles. It was simply the field.
Michael Duncan
No one cares about the Bengals. Let's have an entertaining show for this.
Josh Holmes
Yeah, right.
Duncan
No one cares.
Josh Holmes
All right, smug, what's your fetus strength?
Michael Duncan
So I have a graphic for this. This is an incredible feat of strength. This chart for our audio only listeners, first off, subscribe to the YouTube so you can see things like this. This is a chart of illegal crossings along the US Mexico border. And I bet you can guess the exact moment President Trump got back into office, it plummeted. We have now had over six months of zero illegal crossings. Like this chart was released by the Trump administration to show, first off, look how it skyrockets under Joe Biden. And then you see the exact second that President Trump is back. And I mean, we're talking a crash in numbers of illegal crossings in the U. S. Mexico border. And this is specifically a feat of strength because President Trump got the job done. We were told by all these folks things that like, well, you see, there's Article 1 and Article 2 and Congress has to do the Congress. And so when you have to Congress with the Article 2 of the Constitution. Don't listen to any of that nonsense. When you have strength, fortitude, force of will, you get the job done. Can I get that chart again? That's called strength. That's not the Article 3 of the Constitution has to meet with the quorum in the Senate.
Duncan
How did this become an attack on whole.
Josh Holmes
I'm getting all three of it.
Michael Duncan
Your whole thing was an attack on him.
Josh Holmes
I'm telling you this. What you're showing here is a feat of strength.
Michael Duncan
That chart shows you that there Is no Constitution act or anything you have to worry about. You just need to elect a president who means business like we did. That's Donald J. Trump in action. Where there's a will, there's a way.
Josh Holmes
Your argument brought this.
Michael Duncan
Dissolve the legislature today. President Trump.
Josh Holmes
This is a fetus drink that I will acknowledge and appreciate cuz it is fantastic what he's been able to do. Your argument more broadly. Stop talking. You've done enough. You've done enough.
Duncan
How have you not done enough?
Josh Holmes
You've done enough.
Michael Duncan
I have a last line and it's an important one.
Duncan
Okay.
Michael Duncan
It speaks of how magnanimous President Trump is. Is because there was a chart of illegal crossings that saved his life. And now that chart that we see when he's back in power has saved countless American lives. Because we don't have illegals here. The man doesn't get the credit he deserves. But what was the point you were trying to make about this? Something about how we need a Senate to step in.
Josh Holmes
My point is you're such a dick. If you're an average conservative who is frustrated sitting at home wondering why it is that all of the things that conservatives can't just come to fruition and you're wondering why it is that government and can't just do what they're doing. It is attributable directly to dumb fucks like that who have no understanding of how to implement.
Michael Duncan
That's how it works. That chart proves it works. All that matters is we lock up the Dems the same way we're locking up these illegals. Just start locking up the Dems.
Josh Holmes
It would be nice if we could have. We can do it both commentary.
Michael Duncan
You just need the will analyst and.
Josh Holmes
Actual people who know what the hell they're doing all working together to get some things done. But unfortunately that is not going to be the case in the conservative movement. And you can thank Comfortably Smart. All right, so my thing here on the feat of strength. I have a recency bias, fellas.
John Ashbrook
Okay.
Josh Holmes
I've seen a lot of different things here over the course of the many political things that you guys have discussed that. That are definitely moving there. Many things in the first two months the. The men out of women's locker rooms like a restoration title night. Like all that stuff. I was like this is real. But then I saw a clip last couple weeks ago that we played on the show that I think demonstrates some of the best courage I've seen in a long time. Can we play the clip please? This is the greatest.
Michael Duncan
Also the. The Other bear that was initially being led, he's like, no, no, no, no. There's a brawl happening.
Josh Holmes
And what I want you to focus on is not the woman who's trying to put the hoop around the bear.
Michael Duncan
With a basketball goal.
Josh Holmes
What I'm trying to focus on is the man who is being pinned and mauled by this guy. Because what happens next is something short of just amazing. He stands up, he's being mauled. He's bloody. He's bloody. Back in.
Michael Duncan
Back into it, dude.
John Ashbrook
Back in.
Josh Holmes
And he's got. Now he goes for the vice grip and to try to pick it up like a puffball.
Michael Duncan
He's trying to put it in a parrot. Who brings a parrot to a bear fight? First off, like, what's the thinking there? It's not a hawk. It's not gonna provide any, like, air superiority in this situation. The parrot's like, why the fuck am I here, dude? But also the fact that another bear was rolling up. The dude's like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. This is still the greatest video clip we've ever played on this.
Josh Holmes
It is by far the greatest video clip that we've played. But in this guy with the tapping thing, like, there's a bunch of people who are, like, half hearting this. I mean, the hoop speaks for itself. The parrot guy speaks for itself. But the fact that this guy gets up off the ground, goes back into it, dude. He tries to scruff of the neck a bear, like he's dealing with a golden retriever.
John Ashbrook
No, it demonstrates a level of toughness that you do like to see in interacting with these predator animals like he was. And I'd like to think that that guy tonight is rubbing his feet on the brand new rug that was created for him by this bear. Because, you know, in China, their lack of regard for human. Human life is famous. I gotta think that their lack of regard for animal life would be somewhere below that. I think that that is a rug on his floor right now.
Michael Duncan
I hope so, dude. And, you know, they tell the organs off. Like, they're like, oh, you know, this is a cure for this ailment. They're like some bear kidney. You can sell that right off swag.
Josh Holmes
Would you accept a Chinese bear rug?
Michael Duncan
100%. Well, I don't know. That might be some issues.
Josh Holmes
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Michael Duncan
Like, as long as it gets through TSA securely and it's not seen as, like, a gift from the Chinese government, because I'm absolutely not interested in those. I'm just wondering a Bear dead at the zoo. I'll take that, dude. And for all our listeners, remember, if you're out there hunting, you shoot a bear, you don't know what you want to do with it. That rug, the thing, and send it our way. I mean, I still would love to.
Duncan
Get one important OMN Budsman note here on this. I saw a lot of the comments after we played this clip previous episode. It's not a black bear, it's a sun bear.
Michael Duncan
Oh.
John Ashbrook
Oh, interesting.
News Reporter
Is there a.
Josh Holmes
What's the fundamental difference?
Michael Duncan
Is it a sun bear? Is it really?
Duncan
I think it's like a Chinese bear.
Michael Duncan
Some bear's a weird animal. They're very strange. I don't think that's a sun bear. You think it's a sun bear?
Josh Holmes
To be honest with you, I haven't heard of a sun.
Michael Duncan
Sun bears look weird as fuck, dude.
Josh Holmes
Do we have them in this country?
Michael Duncan
No, no, they're like.
Josh Holmes
They're Chinese only.
Michael Duncan
Yeah.
Josh Holmes
So it's a Chinese black.
Michael Duncan
No, it's like a strange creature. It's like, you know, from the South Pacific or something. They're. They're weird parts. I don't think that's a sunbear. Their faces are weird as shit. Weird animals.
Duncan
Did we see a face?
Josh Holmes
I didn't see it.
John Ashbrook
That was like a normal bear had a hard time.
Josh Holmes
You don't fucking know.
Michael Duncan
I'm telling you, you would know a sun bear if you saw its face. You would. Wait, are you pulling up a sun bear?
Josh Holmes
It's like a black bear, except it eats with chopsticks.
Michael Duncan
No, dude, a sun bear is a weird. Yeah, see, see, that's not a sun bear.
Josh Holmes
Right, that's what it is. Did I hit that on the head?
Michael Duncan
Sun bears got heads like seals. They look like seals. They're really weird animals. That's not some bear. Yep, that's just a weird little Chinese.
John Ashbrook
Wait, are you kidding me?
Duncan
It's a sun bear?
Josh Holmes
I don't know. I don't know. I couldn't tell from the back, but.
Michael Duncan
That is a hell of a show of strength. That dude jumped right back into it. Huge kudos to that Chinese zookeeper.
Josh Holmes
Instead of like salmon out of the pond, it's like, dude, ramen, dude.
Duncan
He went.
Michael Duncan
It was insane that he went right back into the thick of it. I still can't believe it. Absolutely not a sun bear. Definitely not sun bear.
John Ashbrook
You just said it was a sun bear.
Michael Duncan
No, I said it's not a sun bear.
Duncan
There.
John Ashbrook
Oh, you could just. Bugs rolling through Kingdom Phylum Class order, family, genus, species, Full biology class.
Michael Duncan
He did the whole.
Josh Holmes
I can't believe you remember that.
John Ashbrook
Yeah, just comes to mind.
Michael Duncan
Kings play chess on fat guy stomach. You remember that, right?
John Ashbrook
That's it.
Josh Holmes
That's really good. That's really good. Well, anyway, that's my feet of strength, fellas. Listen, when we come back. Actually, I don't think we're gonna come back, but when we come back in the next episode.
Michael Duncan
That's right.
Josh Holmes
We're gonna get to all kinds of fun stuff. You guys are really gonna enjoy it because we've got a whole bunch of variety and things that we've dealt with over the course of the year that are gonna make you laugh and give you a little bit of break from the family time over the protracted holiday weekend.
John Ashbrook
It's gonna be good.
Josh Holmes
Everybody will enjoy it. So with that, fellas, I think we did it.
Michael Duncan
I think so. Absolute banger of an episode, gentlemen, and thank you to the listener. Remember, if you have not yet, go to the YouTube hit that subscribe because it's more fun in video. So until next time, minions, keep the faith, hold the line and own the libs. We'll see you next time. Stay ruthless.
Episode Date: December 23, 2025
Hosts: Josh Holmes, Comfortably Smug, Michael Duncan, John Ashbrook
In a playful nod to the iconic "Festivus" episode of Seinfeld, the Ruthless crew rings in the holiday season with a very "Ruthless Festivus." The episode is structured around Seinfeld’s Festivus traditions: airing of grievances and feats of strength—but with a distinctly Ruthless twist. The guys take sharp, irreverent aim at the year’s political and cultural phenomena, skewering sacred cows, each other, and everything in between. Expect high-energy banter, pointed humor, and surprising moments of agreement (and disagreement).
(Starts approx. 04:45)
Gripe #1: NFL Ditching Measurement Chains for Digital Technology
“Chains are run out to measure the first down. Now… every college in this country, everybody who's ever played a down of football since the game was invented understands that chains are run out to measure the first down.” – John Ashbrook (05:06)
Gripe #2: Not Deporting Terrorists Fast Enough
“My concern is that they're not deporting the terrorists fast enough. … Now, I believe that they're also deporting the terrorists back to their countries… But what I'm concerned about is they're not doing that fast enough.” – John Ashbrook (09:00)
Consensus: First grievance is panned, second is well-received—a “split decision.”
Gripe #1: The Rise of Oversized, Instagram-Friendly Burgers and "Millennial Restaurants"
“Why the fuck do we make burgers this tall? … It speaks to a larger problem in our society… food influencers, always like, here's a burger… ten patties tall, it’s all dipped in queso cheese. Yeah. It makes no sense.” – Duncan (14:52)
Gripe #2 (Interlude): Nachos are a scam.
“Nachos are the biggest lie of any restaurant. Never get nachos. … It is a complete ruse. You’ve been had.” – Duncan (20:13)
Gripe #3 (Political): Annoying, Manipulative Candidate Disclaimers in Political Ads
“Shut the fuck up. … You just can’t do the thing you’re required by law to do. Instead, you gotta waste more of my time with some shit that’s bullshit.” – Duncan (24:01)
Gripe #1: People Not Muting Their Phones in Public
“If your phone is not muted, what are you doing?” – Michael Duncan (27:21) “It really feels like Covid was, like, the turning point where it just broke society to where everyone’s just like, I owe nothing to society.” (29:18)
Gripe #2 (Political): Democrats on TikTok Pretending to be Zoomers
“That was a 300-year-old woman trying to act like she’s a young person on TikTok. And it’s horrible. … They think it works and it’s cause all their staffers are idiots.” – Michael Duncan (31:19)
Gripe #1 (Cultural): Tourists and Foreigners Walking on the Wrong Side of the Sidewalk
“If you walk out... you’re going to encounter at least 10 people... walking on the left side, not the right side. … If you’re gonna come here, we walk on the right, we drive on the right. Stay on the fucking right.” – Josh Holmes (36:43)
Gripe #2 (Political): Conservatives Who Complain Congress Isn’t "In Session"
“If you are a conservative… you have absolutely no business complaining about Congress not being in session. It is the most insane argument to me of all time…” – Holmes (38:16)
(Starts approx. 45:04)
“The entire world saw and they knew America was back.” – Ashbrook (47:39)
“These men had performance.” – Duncan (52:03, sarcastic deadpan)
“That chart shows you that there is no Constitution act or anything you have to worry about. You just need to elect a president who means business like we did. That’s Donald J. Trump in action.” – Smug (55:32)
“He stands up, he's being mauled. He’s bloody. He’s bloody…back in. He tries to scruff of the neck a bear, like he’s dealing with a golden retriever.” – Holmes (58:40)
“He airs his first grievance and everybody's like, your grievance sucks.”
“Nachos are the biggest lie of any restaurant. Never get nachos. … It is a complete ruse. You’ve been had.”
“Shut the fuck up. … You just can’t do the thing you’re required by law to do. Instead, you gotta waste more of my time with some shit that’s bullshit.”
“[On speakerphone users] A hood should be put over their head, and they should be removed.”
“[On TikTok Dems] That was a 300 year old woman trying to act like she’s a young person… and it’s horrible. And they’re all doing it.”
“If you’re gonna come here, we walk on the right, we drive on the right. Stay on the fucking right.”
“[On not complaining about Congress being out] The more time you leave these people around, the more dumb shit that they’re going to do. And it’s gonna land on your doorstep.”
“Operation Midnight Hammer. The hardest name you could have come up with for that operation.”
“Who brings a parrot to a bear fight? First off, what's the thinking there?”
This episode is a whirlwind of inside jokes, trenchant social commentary, and festive rivalry—perfectly suited for fans who enjoy conservative humor that’s willing to poke fun at everything and everyone (including themselves). If you want pure policy analysis, this isn’t it, but for a rollicking holiday roast of the year’s news, the Ruthless Festivus episode is as classic as the pole itself.