JD Vance Exclusive Interview: Keeping America Safe, Life as VP, UFOs, NFL Drama & Sydney Sweeney Backlash

Summary

Ruthless Podcast Episode Summary Title: JD Vance Exclusive Interview: Keeping America Safe, Life as VP, UFOs, NFL Drama & Sydney Sweeney Backlash
Release Date: August 1, 2025

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1. Introduction to J.D. Vance’s Vice Presidency

The episode kicks off with Vice President J.D. Vance sharing a light-hearted anecdote about his interactions with the Secret Service. At [00:00], Vance humorously recounts asking a Secret Service agent to join him on a hike with his children, leading to playful banter about their rigorous duties:

J.D. Vance ([00:00]): "Who's the person who carries the nuclear football? And she was like, sweating like crazy with this 50 pound pack..."

2. Addressing Law Enforcement Challenges

Transitioning to serious matters, the conversation shifts to law enforcement recruitment and public safety in cities, prompted by a recent incident in Cincinnati. At [01:36], Duncan raises concerns about ensuring city safety:

Duncan ([01:36]): "...from a federal level. What more do you think cities can be doing to make sure that people stay safe in their cities..."

Vance emphasizes the critical need for recruiting more police officers to prevent understaffing, citing the Cincinnati brawl as a case in point:

J.D. Vance ([02:10]): "We've got to get the best and the brightest into law enforcement... every big city police department is really understaffed..."

3. Balancing Vice Presidency with Personal Life

Vance provides insights into his life at the Vice President’s residence, highlighting the balance between his high-profile role and family time. At [04:15], he describes the expansive private space allowing his children to play freely:

J.D. Vance ([04:15]): "The Vice President's residence... is about 40 or so acres of completely private space... it's amazing for the kids."

4. Passion for the NFL and the Cincinnati Bengals

A recurring theme in the interview is Vance’s love for the NFL, particularly his support for the Cincinnati Bengals. At [07:03], he discusses his limited time to watch football but expresses optimism for the Bengals’ prospects:

Smug ([07:03]): "Do you have NFL Sunday T?" J.D. Vance ([07:05]): "That's... I actually do not have NFL Sunday ticket. You know, I need to get it..."

Vance humorously reflects on his fandom:

J.D. Vance ([09:11]): "There are good things that come along with... this is our year."

5. Maintaining Personal Connections

The importance of maintaining ties with friends and family back home is highlighted. At [12:20], Vance shares how a longstanding text chain with his buddies keeps him grounded:

J.D. Vance ([12:20]): "There are things my buddies are thinking about and talking about that sometimes interact with this job that I wouldn't be aware of."

6. Exploring UFO Phenomena

The conversation takes an intriguing turn towards UFOs, with Vance expressing a keen interest in uncovering the truth behind recent sightings. At [14:23], he mentions his dedication to investigating the matter:

J.D. Vance ([14:23]): "I'm obsessed with the whole UFO thing. What's actually going on? What were those videos all about?"

7. Founders Museum and Celebrating American Heritage

Hosts discuss the newly introduced Founders Museum at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, celebrating America’s foundational history. At [31:41], Smug details the museum's offerings:

Smug ([31:41]): "It's a living tribute to the men, women and moments that forged America... guests can tour the Founders Museum and hear directly from the likes of Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and Abigail Adams."

8. Critique of Media and Press Conferences

The hosts express frustration with the current media landscape, particularly during press conferences that fail to address pertinent topics. Duncan laments the lack of relevant questions:

Duncan ([25:08]): "They don't care about the country... they let the press corps run wild with irrelevant questions."

9. Sydney Sweeney Backlash

The episode also touches on the backlash surrounding actress Sydney Sweeney. Vance defends her amidst political scrutiny:

Smug ([30:35]): "We covered this... the Vice President weighed in making controversial remarks defending Sweeney."

10. Humorous Segment: The Macaque Extortion Racket

Injecting humor, the hosts create a fictional scenario about organized macaque monkeys running an extortion scheme in Bali. At [47:16], Duncan outlines the absurdity:

Duncan ([48:04]): "First of all, PETA is out of control... we’ve got to put that monkey down."

This segment serves as a comedic relief, showcasing the hosts' playful banter and creativity.

11. Discussion on Kamala Harris’ Book "107 Days"

The conversation shifts to Vice President Kamala Harris’ new book, "107 Days," critiquing its timing and content. At [39:30], Smug pokes fun at the book’s title:

Smug ([39:30]): "The inference, of course... it should have been trimmed down to about four or five days."

The hosts brainstorm alternative, humorous titles, reflecting their satirical take on political narratives.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• J.D. Vance ([00:00]): "Who's the person who carries the nuclear football? And she was like, sweating like crazy with this 50 pound pack..."

• J.D. Vance ([04:15]): "The Vice President's residence... is about 40 or so acres of completely private space... it's amazing for the kids."

• Duncan ([01:36]): "...from a federal level. What more do you think cities can be doing to make sure that people stay safe in their cities..."

• J.D. Vance ([14:23]): "I'm obsessed with the whole UFO thing. What's actually going on? What were those videos all about?"

• Smug ([31:41]): "It's a living tribute to the men, women and moments that forged America... guests can tour the Founders Museum and hear directly from the likes of Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and Abigail Adams."

• Duncan ([25:08]): "They don't care about the country... they let the press corps run wild with irrelevant questions."

• Smug ([39:30]): "The inference, of course... it should have been trimmed down to about four or five days."

Conclusion

This episode of the Ruthless Podcast offers a comprehensive look into Vice President J.D. Vance’s perspectives on law enforcement, personal life balances, and national interests such as UFO research and sports. Through engaging discussions and humorous segments, Vance presents himself as a relatable and authentic figure in American politics. The hosts effectively blend serious political discourse with light-hearted banter, providing listeners with both insights and entertainment.

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For more insightful discussions and exclusive interviews, subscribe to the Ruthless Podcast and stay updated with next-generation conservative talk.

Transcript

[J.D. Vance]

Who's the person who carries the nuclear football? And she was like, sweating like crazy with this 50 pound pack. And I was like, wait, you have to come with me when I go on, like a hike with my kids. And then I kind of hit me like, oh, it makes sense, but, oh, you must hate my guts right now. I just made you run through Southwest Ohio 3 1/2 miles. She's absolutely miserable, but, you know, you got to do what you got to do. And my wife actually asked the Secret Service afterwards. She was like, do they just hate the fact that we still try to live, like a pretty active, normal life?

[Smug]

And, and.

[J.D. Vance]

And the Secret Service is kind of like, yeah, it was like, well, half of them really like it because it forces them to exercise. And half of them, yeah, absolutely, hit your guts. Basically. The conclusion.

[Smug]

Well, you mentioned Cincinnati. We can't get through a single interview with anybody without this guy injecting Ohio.

[J.D. Vance]

Hamilton, Ohio.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[Duncan]

Proud native man's proud of his town. You know, it's just part of it.

[Smug]

Go big blue.

[Duncan]

Yeah, absolutely.

[J.D. Vance]

But that's a reference to the Ohio State fans, too. The Hamilton.

[Smug]

Yes.

[J.D. Vance]

That was a Michigan shout out, not a Michigan shout out to me.

[Duncan]

That's exactly right. That's exactly right. But as you know, in our hometown, just a few days ago, there was a horrible incident. Everybody saw it play out on the Internet. And, you know, just people saw in Cincinnati, people saw it around the country. And, you know, every city has its down days, its down months. But I'm wondering, you guys have done so much to keep people safe around the country from a federal level. What more do you think cities can be doing to make sure that people say, stay safe in their cities, you know, in the coming months and years?

[J.D. Vance]

I think the biggest thing, and obviously we can help this at the federal level, but the most important thing that states and cities can do is to actually solve the law enforcement recruitment challenge that we have. So a big part of the story, what happened in Cincinnati, I assume you're talking about this terrible brawl that happened in southwestern Ohio. You had, I mean, basically a woman who was just an innocent bystander who got punched in the face by a grown man that's being investigated. Hopefully those folks are brought to justice. Just a really disgusting act of violence. But part of the story there is that there weren't enough police officers at the Cincinnati Jazz Festival. Why aren't there enough police officers? Because there aren't enough police officers in Cincinnati. And if you talk to local law enforcement, they'll tell, you know, Sometimes you hear heartbreaking stories of a fourth, fifth generation cop who says, I tell my son or daughter, do not go into law enforcement. Because it's so uncomfortable. Because they got attacked so much, especially back in 2020, 2021. And that's just left a really bad hangover. So we've got to get the best and the brightest into law enforcement. I think the most important thing is local governments. You know, you still got a lot of blue big city mayors, people who maybe have some, some memories of the defund the police moment. Maybe they themselves were actually advocating defund the police. And they've got to say, okay, this was a crazy moment. We got to support our local cops and we got to get good people back into law enforcement. Because pretty much every big city police department is really understaffed. You're going to have stuff like that, right? Because I mean, look, Cincinnati is not the biggest city in the world. You got 300,000 people, give or take. In the actual city proper, you're going to have. Of 300,000 people. Sometimes you're going to have misbehavior. You got to make sure local law enforcement is there to respond to it so you don't have to. This really disgusting street brawl that just went on and on and on, people got hurt. It's really terrible. The way to fix it is to get good people back into law enforcement.

[Smug]

Yeah, it's good. That's good. So one of the things that really, I think resonates with all of our audience, certainly with us about you and, and being here, is just you're a normal guy. As, as Duncan was saying, just, it can kind of identify with how you deal with. So now you got this gig, right? We're all familiar with Hillbilly Elegy, your story. You had a lot of tough jobs over the years.

[J.D. Vance]

I have.

[Smug]

And now you're like Tom Brady's backup in some way.

[J.D. Vance]

That's good, right? That makes me feel like shit.

[Smug]

That's a good way of putting it.

[J.D. Vance]

I am, I'm the backup to the goat. That's a very good way of putting it.

[Smug]

So like, you know, I mean, you're at the Naval Observatory.

[J.D. Vance]

Beautiful piece. That is the one thing I will say I think I've got definitely the best residence. The President even will say that.

[Smug]

Give us a little insight into the, in the life. Like, I know, I know you're working all the time and I don't mean to, to undermine that, but you know, you got this big beautiful piece of land, you got your kids out Playing in the yard. You're doing stuff like give us a little flavor for what?

[J.D. Vance]

Yeah, so. So the Vice President's residence, which is on the, the old Naval observatory, is about 40 or so acres of completely private space. And then, you know, outside of business hours, the Naval Observatory is empty. So we've got probably 130 acres of just our own space space. And it's amazing for the kids. So an 8 year old, 5 year old and then a 3 year old, they've got plenty of room to run around. I mean like, like for example, a couple weeks ago I was, there's like a running track there. That's really nice. And I was running. It was sort of later in the day and there were just lightning bugs everywhere. And it kind of hit me like, oh, when was the last time the kids were just able to like catch lightning? Right. Or fireflies? I think it's a regional thing. I think if you're further west, you call them fireflies. Anyway, so I take the kids out there in a golf cart and they're just running around catching lightning at 8:30 at night. And my wife's like, oh, it's time for bed. I'm like, ah, but they're having such a good time. You know, it's just like, like moments like that that, that you think you sort of have to give up, but you're on such a private area that it actually preserves a lot of normal. Yeah, that's what I was getting like ush. And I could go outside and you know, have, have a beer and just sit on the porch and watch like my favorite thing growing up in southwestern Ohio, absolute favorite thing is like a sun, a summer thunderstorm. And DC's got a lot of those. And we've got this beautiful porch. We just go out, have a beer, watch it rain, the dog's hanging out. There are a lot of perks to this and yeah, there are certainly sacrifices and responsibilities, but I really do think that Tom Brady backup notwithstanding, it's pretty much the best job because the flip side of that is the President encourages me to be involved in everything. And I've never felt like he's, you know, shut me out or that I haven't been part of the core team. And that's, that makes the job very cool. But fundamentally the, the honest truth is he bears more of the weight of responsibility. Right. He's the one who ultimately has to make these big decisions. He delegates and involves everybody. But that's an incredible burden. I just get to hang out and take all the credit when things go well. And then. And then my kids have this beautiful house with a wonderful swimming pool and in the middle of Washington, D.C. it's not a bad gig.

[Smug]

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[E]

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[Smug]

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[Duncan]

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[Smug]

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[E]

Do you have NFL Sunday T?

[Smug]

Oh, there.

[J.D. Vance]

That's. I actually do not have NFL Sunday ticket. You know, I need to get it.

[E]

But it's coming up.

[J.D. Vance]

I mean, it's coming up, right? I mean, I guess the season starts. Preseason probably starts in a few days.

[E]

Right?

[J.D. Vance]

When's. When's the hall of Fame game?

[D]

Hall of Fame.

[E]

Tonight.

[J.D. Vance]

It's tonight. Okay.

[E]

Yeah.

[J.D. Vance]

So I was actually just in Akron a couple days ago, and I had it all decked out ready for the hall of Fame game there in Canton, so. So I actually. I pretty much only follow the Bengals at this point in my life. Right.

[Smug]

Sort of. So just so you know, when you get a hard cap in Ohio. Sorry.

[J.D. Vance]

Yeah. Okay. We've hit our limit.

[Duncan]

No, no, no, no, no, no. There is. There is no cap.

[J.D. Vance]

It's. Yeah. So. So the thing is, I don't. Because, you know, I'm somebody always has Sunday ticket. I'm always able to watch the Bengals games, and, like, I used to have red zone, but I just don't have enough time to watch NFL football anymore. That even red zone is kind of like a thing that I don't really need. So, I don't know, maybe now that I'm vice president, I'll get back into watching, like, every game possible.

[Smug]

But.

[J.D. Vance]

But we'll see. Let me see how busy it is come the fall.

[D]

I mean, that's the thing is, you know, it feels like this administration and you especially have this very strong level of appealing to young males in this country who have for so long been neglected.

[J.D. Vance]

Yep.

[D]

I think it'd be critical, number one, for you to get Sunday ticket. Make sure you watch football. And number two is hang out with us on Sundays.

[E]

There we go.

[D]

Like, I would watch football.

[E]

There we go.

[D]

Football's terrific.

[Smug]

In case you missed that. Smug. Just invited ourselves to the.

[J.D. Vance]

Yeah, that's great. You guys come over the VPR every Sunday. I'm sure My wife will be thrilled. Look, I know we have a busy life, but we're going to watch, we're going to watch 11 hours of football. And I mean, that was, that was another thing. Like, I used to be an obsessive NFL fan. Right. And, and, and I remember when we lived in California, the games start there at like 10 o' clock in the morning. And I'd just be like, all right, honey, I'm going to watch football from about 10 o' clock until 8 o' clock at night. And the minute we start having kids, it's like, that is not happening.

[Smug]

Do not tell my wife that. Do not tell my wife. She's still under the impression that was part of the.

[E]

Don't ruin it for all.

[J.D. Vance]

But it did really focus my fandom on the Bengals.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[J.D. Vance]

So, you know, there, there, there are good things that come along with, by the way, the Bengals, this is our year. I know you're, you have enough Ohio references, but we fixed the O line this year.

[Duncan]

Yep.

[J.D. Vance]

We still got some, you know, we'll see. I think Burrow is at the perfect stage of maturity. The wide receiver core is excellent. I think our defense is solid. Look, man, this is the classic refrain for 41 years of being my entire life, this is our year. But I actually think this is our year. By the way, we won the national championship the day that I was inaugurated as vice president as the Ohio State Buckeyes. So I'm pretty lucky this year.

[Smug]

Did you put an ask in, by the way, inauguration night about whether you could catch a plane?

[J.D. Vance]

I did, yeah.

[E]

I thought so, yeah.

[J.D. Vance]

I mean, well, I mean, like, I put the ask in beforehand, but I was like, talking to the president, I was like, oh, you know, it'd be really cool if we got inaugurated. And I just went down to. I think the game was Atlanta Mercedes and watched the national title game. And he's like, oh, yeah, that's great. And I was like, yeah, it would mean that I would have to miss all of the inaugural balls. And he was like, oh, that's not so great.

[D]

So.

[J.D. Vance]

But I was able to catch the game in between the balls. So the scary thing is, if you remember the game, Ohio State started out really well. Like, we went up so much where I was like, I went to the first ball thinking, I don't really have to worry about this game. And then I think it was in between the second and third ball. I actually, I was like, no, I'm not leaving. We have to watch. Because it tightened up a little bit. Notre Dame Came back, but we won. It worked out. We had the Ohio State Buckeyes at the White House, which was very exciting. I broke the national championship trophy. One of my low points, as.

[Smug]

It looks fragile.

[J.D. Vance]

Well, okay, the thing is, to me.

[D]

That'S more advanced work. Advanced guys throw them under the bus.

[J.D. Vance]

Everybody knows not to give them a vice president glass, but it looks like a trophy that you just pick up by the base, but actually the trophy lifts out of the base. And so what happened is I tried to pick up the whole trophy and then it started to wobble because you're not supposed to pick up the whole thing and then just panic. What happened? What happened? It actually, One of the players was trying to help me and grabbed it, like, grabbed the trophy itself and lifted it out. I was like, oh, my God, we just broke the trophy. But that was actually on purpose. It's meant to be lifted out.

[Duncan]

I don't think you're gonna have the same problem with the Lombardi trophy next.

[J.D. Vance]

That's right. Very simple, very old fashioned American manufacturing. It's good steel. That's right. That's the, the vice president proof trophy is the Vince lobby trophy. So to the Bengals. You've got to win, you've got to win the super bowl this year.

[Duncan]

Oh, yeah.

[Smug]

So one of the things that we were wondering about, I mean, we do our show in large part because we feel like we're talking to our buddies back home.

[E]

Sure.

[Smug]

You know, and it's like, what would make them laugh? What would make them think? What, what information are they thinking about? And I know you kind of have this with people you grew up with and your family, and we've met some of them who are fantastic, by the way. How do you, do you still communicate? I'm not asking how you communicate, but do you?

[J.D. Vance]

I mean, like, I have a cell phone still.

[Smug]

Yeah. Yeah. They didn't take that away.

[J.D. Vance]

They didn't take that away. But sorry, go ahead.

[Smug]

Like, I got like a 20 year text chain with guys that are just like, busting my balls all the time. Yeah, you're vice president. Like, does that still happen?

[J.D. Vance]

That still happens. Yeah, that definitely still happens. No, I mean, I, I, there's, there's a text chain that I have with, like my closest buddies, like my groomsmen.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[J.D. Vance]

And we were, you know, go back to high school. Some of us even go back to elementary school.

[Smug]

And.

[J.D. Vance]

Yeah, I mean, like, if you wanted to ruin me politically, you would just leak this to the American media. But luckily all my buddies are still very, very close and very loyal. I mean, it actually, I think, makes the job just so much better because it keeps you humble and it keeps you grounded. And also, like, there are things my buddies are thinking about and talking about that, you know, sometimes interact with this job that I wouldn't be aware of. I mean, the. The weird thing, the worst thing I would say about this job is you really do live in a certain bubble. Like, I can't just, like, walk down to the coffee shop or walk out to a bar and grab a beer and just have random conversations with strangers. That just doesn't happen anymore. Right. And so my buddies, my family are sort of the only way that I think I get constant unfiltered input. And even when I go out and do events, I mean, they're fun and I love them, and I love talking to people, but people just treat you a little bit differently now. They're a little bit less filtered than they would have been, I think, even when I was a senator. But the people who are still maximally unfiltered are my buddies from back home.

[E]

Yeah, it makes total sense.

[Smug]

And you always know when you get something from them, they're probably not following politics day in, day out, but if something breaks through and they start busting.

[J.D. Vance]

It up on you, you're like, no, that's exactly right. No, that's exactly right. Like, once they're talking about an issue, I know that it's broken, contained here, and it's. It's.

[Smug]

But.

[J.D. Vance]

But you know, what's. What's so interesting about it is there are issues, like, you know, pharmaceutical pricing that I would have never thought about as, like, a main issue for my buddies, who are all, you know, about my age, around the age of 40. But then they're like, oh, Trump just did this thing, and it's really cool. And I'll be like, oh, that's amazing, to your point, about breaking containment. And then they'll send me messages about, like, oh, you know, did you know this was happening in some random part of the world? And sometimes it's like, no, I didn't, but I'll go find out and figure out what the hell's going on.

[Smug]

I think I got answer that.

[J.D. Vance]

Yeah, yeah, exact. I know a guy. But the other thing is, there are stories that I am particularly focused on, in part just because you talk with your buddies about it. Like, I'm obsessed with the whole UFO thing. What's actually going on? What were those videos all about? What's actually happening? I haven't gotten to the bottom of it yet. But we're only six months in. We've been very busy. The August recess is in part me going to try to dive to the bottom of the whole UFO thing last year.

[Smug]

So, I mean, you gotta have us back.

[J.D. Vance]

Okay, I'll let you know. I'll let you know.

[Smug]

We'll help you go through the whole RO situation, everything. Yeah, he's a big UFO guy.

[E]

I am. I've been to Roswell. I've done the tours. I've done the whole thing.

[J.D. Vance]

Did you see any aliens?

[E]

No. I saw the hangar where they were. No, I got the whole dime store tour of Roswell. Yeah, they're a little bashful about it now.

[Smug]

Okay, so we'll have to. We'll have to check back on that.

[D]

But if you.

[E]

If you need to take me to Area 51, I'm happy to join once.

[J.D. Vance]

Once I get to the bottom of it.

[E]

Okay.

[J.D. Vance]

If there's anything there, I'll make sure you're the first to know.

[Smug]

Don't. To any of these guys.

[Duncan]

He's offering himself for an experiment.

[E]

Don't do it.

[J.D. Vance]

I'll take smug. The Area 51. Yeah, that's. That's content and rating sunglasses. I'm sure it won't raise any alarm bells when we roll in. I Love it.

[Smug]

Listen, Mr. Vice President, I can't thank you enough for having us here. This is always a pleasure. You're such a good dude and we love hanging out, so thanks a bunch.

[J.D. Vance]

Good to see you guys.

[E]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Smug]

What a fun day. Felt right. I mean, look, the vice president is a terrific guy. We've gotten to know him over the years. We had opportunity to go fishing with him. Obviously, that we talked about. But, you know, in this town, we've been around a little bit. There's always an element of formality that you deal with that it's largely driven by staff and, like, they try to make you stiff about these sort of things. Not the case with the vice president's staff.

[D]

So, I mean, it was very refreshing to me whenever I get to hang out with J.D. it's super refreshing because, I mean, you guys are D.C. folks.

[Duncan]

You've been around the swamp for a while.

[D]

But, you know, me and JD were from the real America. And seeing that, like, the swamp can't change him.

[E]

Hilarious.

[D]

The swamp can't change him. You know, you love to see that.

[E]

Now, I loved his story about catching lightning bugs out in the back from the naval observatory. But, you know, my one complaint with the vice President, I'M really disappointed in him. The fact that he. We are less than a month away from NFL football.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[E]

And he doesn't know his Sunday ticket situation.

[D]

You gotta lock in.

[E]

Gotta lock in, dude.

[Smug]

Gotta lock in. We can bring the big screens. I didn't hear a commitment there either. By the way. Disappointed put him on the spot about being invited to the Naval Observatory. He made it sound like the second lady would not be happy with it. And we said we were comfortable with that.

[E]

Yeah. But I mean, I mean it's extremely.

[D]

Sacrifice I'm willing to make. I think it felt like he was like, okay, cool, roll up. Week one is at my place, Naval Observatory. I'll have Sunday table.

[Smug]

But it's such a comfortable. He's such a good guy. And the thing that you try to. That we try to do here at Ruthless that you're not gonna get in the, you know, all the news stations and your newspapers. Anytime you give like a broadcast journalist a ability to go interview the Vice President or the President or any of the Cabinet. It's a knee to knee situation where they set up the Nixon frost. Right. And they're like, here are all the things that people are worried and none of the things that they talk about are things that people are worried about. But it's like, I'm going to try to wedge you between this issue and that issue and try to split your constituency and make controversial news. And like, that's not what we do. Right. I mean, we make plenty of news. No question about. I mean, shit, we made national headlines on Tuesday with the EPA administrator. But the whole point is to try to give you, the viewer and the listener a little bit of an insight into what makes these people tick.

[Duncan]

And there is nobody who is more authentic. Authentic.

[Smug]

Totally agree.

[Duncan]

Than J.D. vance. I mean, the whole line of questioning about Tom Brady's backup.

[Smug]

Oh, yeah.

[Duncan]

I mean, dude, it was the funniest thing ever. And the reaction was so natural. Like, this is the kind of guy that everybody is like, yes. You know, I want that kind of authenticity in that kind of office right now. And Democrats have not figured this out. I don't think they ever will. They certainly don't have it to the level that JD Does. But man, what a special conversation with a guy who everybody can relate to.

[E]

Yeah.

[Smug]

I think our hope at the end of it for you, our listener and viewer, that we value more than anything is that you get a little insight beyond what it is that you've seen about these people. Right. And I think the Vice President is a perfect Example of this, you know, the left is always like, he's this, he's that. Remember I. Last summer, it was like, oh, he's weird. You know, we did the fishing trip. They're like, he's not weird. Did the debate. Definitely not weird. Like, maybe smarter than all of you, but not weird. And this one, it's like, okay, you know, how you operate in your own lives and how, you know, guys like us, it's. You want to make your friends laugh, think a little bit, have some discussions. But, like, the, you know, we all have our things. When you go to happy hour after work or whatever with your buddies, you want to make each other laugh.

[E]

Well, yeah. So that was the interesting thing when you brought up that question at JD about, like, do you have a group chat? Do you have, like, a text chain from your buddies back home and all that sort of stuff. It was interesting to me because so much of his life is different now. Like, he just can't. He can't go to the bar around the corner, talk to a bartender, talk to some random strangers. Hey, what are you thinking about? This. That. The other thing. So, like, all of those inputs that we, like, we normally have in our lives of talking to normal people about, like, what's it like? You know, he doesn't have those anymore. So in a way, that text chain with his buddies back home is even more important than it is for all of us. You know what I mean?

[Smug]

It keeps you in check, right? I mean, you have a whole hovering group of people around you at all, all times telling you what it is that you need to know and, like, carrying all of your stuff and whatever. But he's still got, like, the same 10 dudes busting his balls.

[E]

You looked like a dork in that.

[Smug]

Interview, which is you. I mean, look, if we didn't ask, you wouldn't know, you know, and that's kind of like where we see our role. I mean, there was some interesting Cincinnati discussion that you had with that.

[Duncan]

Loved it.

[Smug]

I thought the, you know, it's too much Ohio from my taste.

[Duncan]

You know, this is the thing I love about him. The part of the authenticity is the guy understands where he came from, and he will never stop talking about it because people who are proud of their town, proud of what they. Proud of what they came from.

[Smug]

Here we go.

[Duncan]

They talk about it. They just do.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[E]

My God.

[Smug]

And then get enough the Bengals optimism, by the way, boys. That sound pretty familiar, what they get.

[E]

They get Trey Hendrickson back for a day, and they're like, we're going to win the Super Bowl.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[E]

Won't even pay the guy.

[Smug]

He's gonna have fun playing in Omaha next year. Build him a stadium, buddy. No, but look, it was a great interview. Really appreciative to the vice president, the vice president's office, all of his staff.

[D]

Terrific folks, super helpful.

[Smug]

Just a terrific job. And by the way, he's got a guy. Went to my high school.

[J.D. Vance]

Yeah.

[D]

That was awesome.

[Smug]

Parker. What's up, bud? I mean that was hilarious. Go Skips.

[E]

Yeah, Tonka guy.

[Smug]

Yeah, Tonka. Big Tonka guy. A friend of Maynard's.

[Duncan]

Friend of Maynard.

[E]

You know, we are big fans of maintenance variety program.

[Smug]

As soon as you drop that on him, he's like, oh, manners. I used to take my dates to main. Yeah, of course you did.

[E]

Walleye sandwich, by the way. What a king move to take a date to Mainer's.

[Smug]

Yeah, that's not where you go. No, that's not where you go. But that guy did. He did what a student. The other piece of this that you all don't know that will let you in on Carolyn Levitt, when she was in here last week, I guess invited us to go be a part of the sports council thing. And Duncan graciously volunteered for that assignment. Now unlike Ashbrook, Duncan had probably never been in the Brady Room before and didn't know what to expect from this assembled crowd. It was a very hot day here in Washington D.C. journos, they don't, they're not like the most hygienic put together.

[E]

Group of people just want me to brain dump the whole thing.

[Smug]

Do it.

[E]

I can brain dump the whole thing. I mean my opinion of the Washington press corps started very, very low. I have spent now my entire life, one day in the Brady Room and doing a press avail at the White House. Maybe you're like, it's in the fucking basement. These people are unbelievable. Okay, so you know the President United States is going to do this press avail on this EO he's going to be doing on. On sports.

[Smug]

He's got LT there for crying out.

[E]

He's got lt. He's got Bryson dechambello. He's got Triple H. Dude, you've got.

[Smug]

Like just like Shorenstam stars and Butler. Yeah.

[E]

Stars of sports in America. And you know, we're, we're basically, you know, pushed into the Roosevelt Room with these people who've been sitting in the braid room all day. None of them apparently ever thought to maybe like look up in Google sports, maybe ask a question about fucking Sports at the sports press conference and I'm sitting around people who smell like BO and want to ask about Epstein and trade deals instead of the thing that we're all there to gather to do.

[Smug]

It was fucking embarrassing that I find so fascinating because we, Smash and I spent a big portion of our career in press and there were genuine newsmaking moments that resonate with the American people. But no matter what, when you throw it open to the assembled press, they don't ask about it because they don't understand things. And it would.

[E]

It's not understanding, dude. It's not, it's not that they don't understand it. You could have done three Google searches. It's a lack of intellectual curiosity. They sat in this fucking room, you know, like caged animals for hours, just sweating their ass off, like, waiting for this press avail.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[E]

They could have googled what Donald Trump did with his executive order, how he's trying to save college sports.

[Smug]

Yep.

[E]

They could have like maybe googled the NCAA and Fitness Trust and all of these sorts of things. We didn't get a single question about the ncaa. We didn't get a single question about the, the antitrust legislation, the exemption that's running its way through Congress right now. We got none of those questions in the press avail about the thing. We got questions about Jeffrey Epstein and about some trade deals. Because these people, like, they lack an intellectual curiosity about politics. All it is, is about they can go to a cocktail party there after they leave the room and be like, hey, do you see how I own Trump on that thing?

[Duncan]

Right?

[E]

Nothing about the actual. There's news making opportunities there. Like, Donald Trump could have talked about the antitrust exemption for the ncaa, which have been massive, massive news in sports in the entire country. This is a guy who's going to preside over a World cup and an Olympics as President United States, and not a single person in that fucking room thought about talking about sports. And I sat there screaming, being like, Mr. President, Mr. President, Mr. President. And they were talking. A bunch of people who don't give a fuck about sports. These fucking dorks don't deserve to have this job, dude. It's like, it was embarrassing. I sat in the room with these people and none of these people could tell you who is playing Week 1 in the NFL. No one had any idea. And it boggles my mind because it seems like the base level of doing your job is maybe a fucking Google search. Before you get in that room, do.

[Smug]

You have a little bit more appreciation for what Smash deals with.

[E]

No, what.

[Duncan]

I would say to you, Duncan, just to add on to that is they care more about themselves than they do about the people who are reading what it is.

[E]

It's just not hard.

[Smug]

And their audience, right.

[Duncan]

I mean, they don't care about.

[Smug]

The audience thought a lot about this as we were doing our thing with Fox and we understood like the thing that they kept talking about as we were discussing everything. It's like audience, audience, audience, audience. We care more about our audience than anything else. We gotta make sure that these people are getting what it is that they want. That is why they quadruple everybody else's ratings. Audience, audience.

[E]

And I'm saying all this just because I'm someone who, who loves sports.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[E]

In particular college sports.

[Duncan]

And so I don't think that makes you unique. But yeah, American man like that, by the way.

[E]

Right. Like that.

[Smug]

Pretty red blooded.

[E]

But like it pisses me off that they didn't actually care about the thing that was happening because it's a thing. But, but, but like, honestly, I think you could put me in the Brady Room on, on some, some random topic and if I'm going to sit in that room for 90 minutes, you bet your ass I'm going to Google three things. So maybe I ask a question that's germane to the issue at hand. None of these reporters even do that. That's the thing that pisses me off. It's not just about not informing your audience. It's like, dude, fucking do your basics. Are you embarrassed to do this job and not actually think maybe creatively about how you might act? Ask a question, dude.

[Smug]

It's so true. But what makes it even funnier to me is they've watched Donald Trump operate for now nine years on a political stage and they think it's gonna go well, it's terrible. Like he's doing a thing on sports and they're like, no, I know what I'm gonna talk about. Jeffrey Epstein. Never mind the fact that the last four years Jeffrey Epstein would have had to have been Googled itself for this press corps. They never would have discussed it one way or another. But until it's a liability for Trump, or perceived liability, I should say. And then they're all in. They're gonna do all kinds of stories on this kind of thing. But then like the idea that these people have the time to just sort of like take over an entire press conference.

[E]

You have one of the most famous golfers in the world in that room and it's Bryson DeChambeau, it's Liv. And he plays golf for Liv. And the head of the PGA has specifically asked Donald Trump to help facilitate perhaps a merger between LIV and the pga. Someone could ask question and maybe make some news about what's the future of golf. Mr. President, we know you're intimately involved in this merger between LIVE and pga. You know, what's the status?

[Smug]

I've seen polling.

[E]

You can make news, Epstein.

[Smug]

It's like 7% or less of people in America, Right. That give a shit about that story. There is roughly 60, 65% of men in this country who really want to know the answer to that question.

[E]

That question. And nobody asked it.

[Smug]

It.

[E]

Nobody asked it.

[Smug]

It's just an incredible situation. It's just disgusting. Well, anyway, thank you for doing it. We did a will hit, by the way, while you were gone.

[E]

You had to talk about Sydney Sweeney.

[Smug]

Yeah, we did.

[E]

And I got to sit there around sweaty journalists.

[D]

This is disgusting, dude. I really feel bad.

[Smug]

Which, by the way, I loved that JD weighed in with both feet on that thing where he's like, no, Democrats, please, please continue to talk about how you're a Nazi if you find Sydney Sweeney attractive. Oh, it's so good, so good. It's so good. Great interview. A great day, and it's been a great week. I will say that we were in the old executive eeob.

[E]

Yep, yep.

[Smug]

And there's a lot to see there. Like, we got a tour of the vice President's ceremonial office and all the things like the desk that.

[D]

It was Nixon's desk.

[Smug]

The old Nixon desk. And they pull that thing out and it's got all the signatures from all the vice presidents. I did laugh, by the way, that the OG vice presidents who signed this desk are like, they did it in like a ballpoint pen.

[Duncan]

And it's like, like Eisenhower.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[Duncan]

Like, think about the stature, stature of Dwight Eisenhower. Signs it with a ballpoint pen. And then Al Gore gets in there and is like, no, I'm going to use a wood burning tool so that everybody sees my name. Kamala Harris Smug had the funniest line. He's like, that looks like that was auto penned.

[Smug]

Totally. But it was interesting. And so, like, we were talking to some of our partners, people that we work with in this show, and AFP brought to our attention the thing that they've been working on with the White House, which I find wonderful, amazing.

[D]

It's really good.

[Smug]

It's a Founders Museum that's there in the executive. And I'll just read you just to give you a summary of it's a living tribute to the men, women and moments that forged America. Fantastic thing to have in the White House through cutting edge technology and eye catching displays. The Eisenhower Executive Office Building. Guests can tour the Founders Museum and hear directly from the likes of, of Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin and Abigail Adams.

[E]

Oh, hell yeah. This is the America 250 thing, right?

[Smug]

Yeah, it's part of their America 250 thing that we had our boy in talking about last week. And this is like, oh, you've long heard us, the fellas lament the lack of education and appreciation for America's founding. What we are as a country, whatever. The AFP guys partnered with the White House and are pushing this to make sure that people get involved and actually see this stuff. And like spending 20 minutes in and around this place today, man, it's impressive.

[D]

And the thing is, it is critical is. I mean, I think the Sydney Swing thing is perfect context is because essentially we had a decade of communists being like, everything about America is bad white supremacy and you should feel awful about being an American. It's like actually this country is the greatest country on earth and it's in no small part because of the founders who helped frame this country and all our wonderful accomplishments. And that should be celebrated.

[Smug]

Yeah. And they're encouraging everybody to come see it. Like if you come to dc, try to go see that and you know, we can help sort of direct you in the right way if you're, if you're a listener and you're trying to get in and see that.

[Duncan]

And I'm telling you, man, nothing shows that contrast more than Dwight Date Eisenhower. One of the greatest presidents that we have ever had in the history of this country. He's done so much and his name was just in a, like a ballpoint pen. And then the Democrats are like, no, my signature needs to be bigger than his. You know, Al Gore is like, no, I will wood burn this.

[Smug]

His signature has really left an impression on you.

[Duncan]

Smash it.

[J.D. Vance]

Really?

[Duncan]

Did you guys have seen these images of Eisenhower when he was at the top of everything, winning on D Day and helping save the entire Western world. And he has like just a very small row of adornments on his jacket. And you think about what Democrats have done. You think about that lunatic trans person they had at the department of HHS when Democrats were in charge, Rachel Levine.

[D]

Yes.

[Duncan]

They care about themselves. It's like what, it's like what these journals do. They care about themselves, they care about their message. They don't care about the country. And you think about A guy like Eisenhower and it's just his name very faintly. Yeah, yeah, he's America. Eisenhower is America. J.D. vance is America. Donald Trump is America. Not saying that. Donald Trump is humble. Our great president is very, very open about how wonderful he is. And I do love that. But what I'm like these Democrats who do not belong in that conversation.

[Smug]

Yeah. So if you go to what, if you go to whitehouse.gov founders museum, you can get into all of that. We can try to help.

[E]

Nice.

[Smug]

If you have, if you have problems with it, but do it. If you go use the hashtag Founders Museum. Because they want to see all this stuff. Yeah. But the White House is proud of it. AFP proud of it. Like they should be. It's great stuff. You gotta be a part of it. Dems are up to it again, fellas. They're up to it again. So we're not breaking news. We've covered this for like months and months. These people are nuts.

[D]

Yeah, they're absolutely deranged.

[E]

Theater kids gone wild.

[D]

Yeah, that's it.

[Smug]

So Congressman Brian Steele just tried to have a normal weekend with the family and then this shows up. Clip 1.

[E]

Upside Down American flag in a coffin. People are carrying this to his house.

[Smug]

Yes. At his. At his home. And the coffin in question reads, here lie the hopes of the most venerable Killed by the big beautiful bill.

[E]

Come on.

[Smug]

Signed into law by President Donald J. Trump and endorsed by Lion Bill Steele.

[D]

It says, rest in Peace, Democracy 1776. So like the big beautiful bill is like when democracy dies.

[E]

And here's the thing, people getting a tax cut.

[Duncan]

Right.

[D]

You see the crew? Can I get that clip one again? What do we notice about these activists in this clip? Okay, they're like 300.

[Smug]

Look at the lady in the cane.

[D]

Like, this is the Democrats party now.

[Smug]

That's it.

[D]

And I think the best thing is it transitions perfectly into the next story.

[Smug]

Yeah, I mean, it definitely does because the American people have taken note. And we did some polling last week. This is an updated version. Graphic 2, if you don't mind. This shows what is a precipitous decline of the Democratic Party and increase of the Republican Party. Smaug, I think you highlighted this one.

[D]

Yeah. So this graphic shows that among men 18 to 29, the shift has been 44 points Republican R +44.44.

[Smug]

I mean, that's just like you only get. You only get like acts of war or like Asian has to be paralyzed.

[D]

The Democrats declared war on men. That's what leads to that. And so 18 to 29 women are plus 14. Young women have even shifted 14 points to the right.

[Smug]

Interesting. So it turns out that the like.

[E]

Graduation on Zoom and all this bullshit that ruined these young kids lives, that had an impact.

[Smug]

Yeah, it does. And maybe siloing off one segment of society from another and using it to attack another is not great politics.

[D]

And then among men, 30 to 49 are plus 15.

[E]

Huh?

[D]

Among women, 30 to 49, D plus 3. Isn't that an interesting little outlier? Among men, 50 to 64 are plus 3. Among women, 50 to 64 are plus 1. And then this is the kicker. And what ties it kind of like to the video we saw earlier. 65 plus men D plus 6. 65 plus women D plus 2. So it seems like all the energy.

[Smug]

I thought you were thank a boomer dude.

[D]

Well, I am, but this is a very select group of. Of radicalized people in our country who are literally dropping off coffins and walking with the American flag upside down.

[Smug]

Don't thank a boomer.

[D]

Very, very strange behavior. And all the energy is with the youth and the right. And I think it's a wonderful thing for this country. The future looks bright.

[Smug]

I totally agree. Well said. If you haven't seen this by now, chances are you are going to. And I kind of hate to give it free publicity. Definitely don't buy this book. Definitely don't buy it. Although, as we discussed on will, it would make for a terrific fantasy football punishment. Kamala Harris has released a new book about her 107 days as a presidential candidate entitled 107 Days. Not great. Not great. I don't know what can be in this, fellas. She tried to do like a little promo thing for it. It was incomprehensible.

[E]

Oh, she's gonna be on Stephen Colbert.

[D]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[E]

Yeah.

[J.D. Vance]

Yeah.

[Smug]

Weird.

[Duncan]

I wonder, like I. Whoa.

[Smug]

Almost feels like all these things are connected.

[E]

Oh, crazy.

[Smug]

Oh, like very unpopular things. Very unpopular show canceled.

[E]

I can't believe it got canceled.

[Smug]

I can't believe it.

[D]

It's like. Like she's going on the loser show as a loser to discuss being a loser.

[E]

It's perfect.

[D]

Awesome.

[E]

Perfect brand alignment. I would say at the top here, what I love about this book, it's called 107 Days. And I saw the tweet that she put out, and I quote, tweeted it immediately when I saw it on Twitter. I just think it's super funny that even the name of the book is an excuse for why she.

[Smug]

Oh, yeah, 100%.

[E]

You know, I only had 107 days. I mean, what could I do?

[Smug]

Well, yeah, the inference, of course.

[E]

How could I beat the guy who took a bullet and we've been trying to put in prison for 18 months before I get announced. It was hard for me having everything handed to me, having the entire Democratic party put me up like the kid trying to dunk a Fisher Price basketball. Everything was tough for me in that 107 days.

[D]

And all the major donors gave her a billion dollars. A billion dollars.

[Smug]

And the media went from a place where like, boy, she's really not helping Biden, like she's a very substandard vice president to as soon as she's the nominee. How impressive.

[D]

Yeah, they got, they got like a software update. They're like, Brad Summer has.

[Smug]

They did all of that and like, you know, the 107 days, as you said, it's a baked in excuse of like this is how short things were and we couldn't possibly run a campaign. And like the obvious part that we covered throughout that 107 days is that there was like 104 days too long. Like our 72 hour rollout. People issue, with the full assistance of the press and the Fisher Price dunking and all of that shit, people were like, wow, she's a strong candidate. And then she's talked.

[E]

Yeah.

[Smug]

And then she had to speak in public and then she had to have a position on some things. And it just disintegrated. Right. So 107 days. It's like, yeah, man. I mean, if anything that you, you should have trimmed that down to about four or five. The very max. It was like the best chance that she had.

[E]

Yeah.

[Smug]

So we came up with maybe some alternative.

[E]

Yeah. An alternative list for book names.

[Smug]

And we did a top 10.

[E]

We did a top 10.

[Smug]

Top 10 of alternative in case Colbert wants to remember.

[D]

What, like a hilarious late night show?

[E]

Yeah, like a Letterman top 10 situation.

[Smug]

Who wants to start with this?

[D]

I think, I think. How about Duncan? This is your idea, wasn't it? I think you're probably honors.

[E]

Okay, you want me to start from the top?

[Duncan]

Yes, start from the top.

[Smug]

Why don't you do just do a couple. Hand it off.

[E]

Okay. Number one, the Complete Salad Cookbook.

[Smug]

That seems about right. That seems about right.

[E]

Number two, Great, Great Lamentations playing. Great Expectations.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[E]

The Great Bratsby.

[Duncan]

Oh, yeah, that's it.

[Smug]

Good.

[E]

I like that.

[Smug]

Smash. What else do we got?

[Duncan]

We've got the Grapes of Wine.

[E]

I like that one.

[Duncan]

Yeah, I think that's a pretty good one. I also love the Catcher and the coconut tree. Yeah, she should have named it that. One more. The old man and me.

[E]

Yeah.

[Smug]

Smuggler.

[D]

We got Tuesdays with Biden.

[E]

This is like Tuesdays with Maury, if.

[Smug]

You guys don't remember. So Tuesdays with Maury, it was all about Mitch Albom hanging out with some old dude in this dying year that.

[E]

Really was the Biden presidency.

[Smug]

That one hits hard.

[E]

That's hard.

[D]

Yeah, I think the last three. You should take him.

[Smug]

Okay, well, the other one. We did it, Joe. Navigating a refractory period in your golden years.

[E]

We did it, Joe.

[Smug]

We did it, Joe. That feels sexual in nature.

[Duncan]

Very much so.

[Smug]

This one could be perceived as such. Of course, we didn't mean that. Here on the Ruthless Variety program, the Adventures of Suckleberry Finn. This.

[E]

I mean, that one could be sexual too.

[Smug]

I'm just saying, a lot of discussion.

[Duncan]

About her intake and it could have been a classic. She blew it.

[Smug]

Oh, oh.

[Duncan]

Could have been a classic.

[Smug]

We've gone off the rail here at the Ruthless Friday program. The Last 1, number 10, 107 proof, more accurate representation.

[E]

I gotta give a shout out to Jack Bauer After Dark. That was his submission.

[Smug]

That's very, very good. So. So we're a big fan of the cell. You've probably seen it on the counter here a few times. The Celsius situation. Love it. It's great stuff. You know, they tell me it's not great for me, but it does.

[D]

No, it is. It's all natural.

[Duncan]

Truly.

[Smug]

That's.

[D]

That's the difference between Celsius. It's. It's Maha. As opposed to like Red Bull, which uses artificial stuff.

[Smug]

Well, they're not paying you yet. Smug. So.

[D]

Doesn't mean they can't start.

[Smug]

That's. Yeah, easy, easy on the full endorsement. Anyway, it turns out they made a little bit of an error.

[D]

This is amazing.

[Smug]

And the Daily Mail reports that Celsius accidentally put High Noon vodka seltzer into Celsius cans.

[Duncan]

Oh, man.

[Smug]

Yeah. So High Noon is recalling some 12 pack beach variety packs after cans filled with vodka seltzer were mislabeled as Celsius energy drinks. Let me just say there's maybe a couple shows ago we have this very thing. The beach variety pack.

[E]

Yeah.

[Smug]

I felt like maybe we got a little bit off the rails because I'm pretty sure we all had a beach variety, like several beach variety packs. We may be victims.

[E]

You think we got roofied?

[Smug]

I think we might be victims.

[D]

Are we entitled to compensation?

[Smug]

We're going to get a trial lawyer. Bonanza here. But, I mean, I don't know that I would apologize for this. If it's Celsius, like, I feel like they're just adding fun to the world. Mm. Right.

[Duncan]

There are a lot of brands out there who understand marketing in a brand new way. And I'm not accusing them of throwing their label on High noons on purpose. But what I'm saying is that brands are using controversy in a way that really draws attention to themselves.

[D]

I mean, I would turn this, especially for, like, the kids, into like a Willy Wonka golden ticket situation.

[E]

That's exactly what I'm saying.

[D]

If you're like some kid in high school, you're like, yeah, let's go grab beach varieties.

[Smug]

Yeah, go grab beaches.

[E]

Variety. No, I like that. I also think it would be cool if it was sort of a Russian roulette situation where you got like a cube of Celsius and maybe some of them have alcohol and some of them don't. Maybe we just shotgun a couple here before we record. We see who's.

[Smug]

Just see what.

[D]

Great idea. I love it.

[E]

Why not?

[Smug]

That's the kind of advice you can only get here at the Ruthless variety program. Fantastic things, kids one and all.

[E]

We like to party.

[Smug]

All right, so you guys want some animal stuff?

[Duncan]

They're at, please.

[Smug]

Always. You know, like, and. And here's the thing, like, if you've been a long time listener, you know, we like to talk about the macaque.

[Duncan]

Right. Hot topic of conversation.

[Smug]

Everybody talks about macaque. And, and. And in this case, it's. It's more sinister.

[E]

Well, it's big macaque. They're actually organized now. Why. Why are you laughing? This is serious. They're organized. It's a cartel now. It's big macaque.

[Smug]

It is big macock, and it is in your face, according to the Wall Street Journal. Thieving monkeys. Can we play the clip? Do we have a clip?

[E]

Yeah. I don't think there's any audio here, but what we're seeing is this cock. He's running across these tables. He's stealing a hat.

[Smug]

He's stealing sunglasses. Stealing a hat that he's going over and he's trying to steal. There's the sunglasses.

[E]

Stealing the sunglasses.

[Smug]

And others. It seems pretty specific. Like maybe it's just the glasses. Yo, it's very heavily on the glass.

[E]

It's heavy on the glasses. And. And the reason why is that what they've done is they have this organized extortion racket where they take what's easily available. And then you basically have to pay off the macaque with.

[Smug]

You gotta pay macaque.

[E]

You gotta pay macaque with a mango.

[D]

Here's how it works, is there's a criminal enterprise, right? And they have trained these monkeys that they're like, monkey, you go get me this stuff, and I will trade you mangoes for it, right? And so the monkeys are stealing sunglasses. They're stealing iPhones. They're stealing iPhones from people, and they take it back to the criminals.

[E]

Where is this?

[D]

It's in Bali. This is. Yeah, this is taking place in Bali. And so these, like, temples in Bali, these criminals are like, hey, you know, we've trained these monkeys to steal phones, sunglasses. We give the monkey mangoes and stuff, and then they. They just sell this stuff.

[Smug]

Wait, the monkeys sell it?

[D]

No, they sell it. They get. The monkeys are in for mangoes, right?

[Smug]

So the monkeys. So there's a criminal enterprise that are behind the monkeys are actually the executioner here.

[E]

They're just the.

[D]

They're just the muscle.

[E]

They're the muscle.

[Smug]

How do we take care of this? How do we take care of this?

[Duncan]

Well, first of all, PETA is out of control, okay? We've talked about this on the show in the past, but PETA is only concerned with animals. We here at the Ruthless Variety Program have a competing organization called the People for the Ethical Treatment of People. We think people are more important than animals. And so in this case in Bali, if you see a monkey that is stealing things, you put that monkey down. Every single one of these monkeys needs to be put out of commission.

[D]

And that's the thing is like. Like, the only way that we've discussed this, the only way consequences are ever understood or less than anything can be learned, is there has to be consequences. And they have to be dire. The monkeys have to be killed, and you have to make sure the other monkeys see you killing the monkey publicly, brutally, savagely, like you saw in that video. Can we run that clip again? Look, they're putting up with this, like, thinking it's, like, a funny thing.

[Smug]

I mean, but it's also sitting on top. Like, you just give that thing a push off the wall.

[D]

And here's the other thing is like. Like, if it's not even the monkey that took your sunglasses, grab any monkey and murder it in front of the rest. You have to structure. You gotta be careful.

[Smug]

Be careful with the macaque, though.

[D]

Kill him. You have to kill it in front of all of them. Lay the body out. Because here's the thing is as I'm reading this article, it says here that this is showing significant amounts of reasoning among the monkeys. It says here, in one instance, a handler tossed the monkey a bag of fruit for stolen phones. The monkey held on, so the handler gave it another bag, and another and another. Finally, when the monkey couldn't hold all the fruit, it dropped the phone.

[E]

So, like, exactly.

[D]

They feel like they're in a position to bargain.

[E]

And that's all I'm with smug on this extortion monkey. The only way to level the score and make the monkey understand is you take his little monkey friend and you break his neck in front of him.

[D]

In front of him.

[E]

Rip them to pieces. I remember in high school, I read the. This book by Joseph Conrad called the Heart of Darkness. Maybe you've seen a movie called Apocalypse Now. And I know that what Colonel. What Colonel Kurtz did is he would just snap the neck of the monkey.

[Smug]

He taught a lesson to the monkey kingdom.

[E]

And what that is, is it's about power. And the monkeys understand that. And these people don't have the courage to do the right thing.

[Smug]

Yep.

[D]

I'm serious, man. You got to kill. Like, if. If you ever face a situation. And you know what this goes. This goes across so many different ways. Like, you know how when you go over to a friend's house and their dog starts jumping on you, and what's your first thought? You're not in charge of the place. Clearly you don't know what you're doing. I lose all respect for people. It's like, oh, wow, looks like you're not the boss of your own house.

[Duncan]

You're saying if you walk into your friend's house and the dog jumps on you, Kill the dog.

[D]

Kill the dog.

[E]

Well, at the very least, a sleeper hold.

[D]

I'm calling dhs. I'm saying, christy, we got a problem here.

[E]

Poor Cricket.

[Smug]

She knows.

[E]

She knows.

[Smug]

She knows how to handle that situation.

[E]

Yeah.

[Smug]

There's a gravel pit near you. You know, us dogs, they never stood a chance. And if you don't have a banana pool accessible like you do, you do have to exercise caution with macaque.

[Duncan]

Right.

[Smug]

They've been known to rip your arms off and beat you with them.

[E]

Yeah.

[Smug]

You know, and make sure it's not, you know, it's got to be like a manageable sized macaque. Can't be, you know, if it's all jacked up, you don't want to put yourself in personal danger.

[E]

I think the head of the. Is very vulnerable, insensitive. Why?

[D]

I think well, thank you so much, Mr. Vice President.

[Smug]

Appreciate the vice president for giving us time here on the Ruthless Variety Program. Our apologies to Fox News and everybody that trusted us with their information.

[E]

You asked for it.

[Smug]

As you can tell. As you can tell, nothing has changed. For those of you who are worried about it, you get it. Whether you like it or not, here on the Ruthless Friday program, we've got a question of the day. It went back to Kamal's book. You heard our 10. What are your 10? Like, give us one. Yeah, give us a. Give us one.

[D]

What's a more accurate title?

[Smug]

Because if nothing else, like when you like and subscribe to the Ruthless Friday program, we read them all. And for us, this is our entertainment. We love to see what you come up with. And if you can accurately title something that should be the name of 107 days or whatever, we're gonna roar about it. And this morning we'll roar about it. So do all that like and subscribe. Check out some merch while you're there. A big, big, big thanks. Thank you to the White House, to the vice president, to all the vice president staff who are lovely individuals. Everybody was just absolutely terrific to deal with. We hope to do a lot more of it. And with that, fellas, I think we did it.

[D]

I think so. Absolute banger of an episode. Gentlemen, again, thank you so much to my good friend, Vice President J.D.

[Duncan]

Vance.

[D]

Thank you so much to our listeners. Remember, if you have not yet, go to the YouTube hit that subscribe. It's more fun in video. So until next time at Minions, keep the faith, hold the line and own the libs. We'll see you Tuesday. Stay ruthless.