Ruthless Thanksgiving Spectacular

Summary

Ruthless Thanksgiving Spectacular – Detailed Summary

Podcast Information:

• Title: Ruthless Podcast
• Episode: Ruthless Thanksgiving Spectacular
• Release Date: November 28, 2024
• Hosts: Josh Holmes, Comfortably Smug (Smash), Michael Duncan, and John Ashbrook
• Description: The Ruthless Podcast delivers next-generation conservative talk with a sharp edge, providing a lighter analysis of daily news and “fake news” without holding back.

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1. Introduction and Setting the Stage

The episode kicks off with the hosts discussing the typical dynamics of family gatherings during Thanksgiving, particularly focusing on the interplay of political conversations. Michael sets the tone by highlighting the often unspoken tension around political affiliations at family tables.

• Michael [00:00]: “Most families are like, oh, you know, like maybe we can just get, we talk about sports and the kids and everything else. And you're like, no. Who'd you vote for? No.”

2. Navigating Political Tensions at Thanksgiving

The hosts delve into strategies for confronting liberal relatives during Thanksgiving. They humorously suggest overt political maneuvers to assert conservative viewpoints.

• Duncan [00:17]: “If you show up to someone else's Thanksgiving, like the first thing you should do approaching the table is you say, if anyone here says a single word against Donald J. Trump, I'm punting the turkey.” (00:17)

• Smash [00:07]: “Number one, what I recommend is that you take your phone, you put football on the TV until everybody shows up and then you put Tony Hinchcliffe on.” (00:07)

3. Emphasizing Celebratory Conservatism

The conversation shifts to embracing a fully conservative Thanksgiving atmosphere. The hosts advocate for integrating as much political discourse as possible, contrasting previous advice against doing politics during holidays.

• Michael [01:25]: “Remember, we have basics that we've laid out here over the last four years that, you know, there's a lot of talk about how you want to not do politics. Let's not, you know, don't, don't do politics with your family over Thanksgiving. Our advice is precisely the opposite. You should do as much politics as you can possibly wedge into your day.” (01:25)

4. Targeting Liberal Narratives

The hosts critique liberal perspectives, particularly targeting an essay by Andrea Tate, a university writing professor. They mockingly analyze her anti-Trump sentiments and suggest ways to undermine such viewpoints during family interactions.

• Michael [02:53]: “Just remember, that's an important thing here in this.” (03:06)

• Smash [05:31]: “Boy, that's change.” (05:31)

5. Implementing Confrontational Techniques

Detailed, tongue-in-cheek strategies are proposed for ensuring that conservative dominance is maintained throughout the Thanksgiving festivities. These include:

• Alcohol Consumption: Encouraging early and excessive drinking to lower inhibitions.

  • Michael [01:50]: “...if you have a piping hot cup of coffee in your hand, go ahead and go back to the wet bar. Go ahead, grab the Jameson. Grab something. Throw it on in there.” (02:37)

• Media Manipulation: Replacing typical holiday media with conservative content.

  • Michael [08:36]: “...you put Lee Greenwood... Everybody stands, you put it on and it's proud to be American.” (08:36)

• Behavioral Dominance: Establishing clear conservative supremacy through provocative actions.

  • Duncan [12:48]: “Most families are like, oh, you know, like Maybe we can just get. We can talk about sports and the kids and everything else. And you're like, no, Who'd you vote for?” (12:48)

6. Satirical Suggestions for Family Dynamics

The hosts present exaggerated and humorous suggestions to "handle" liberal family members, including:

• Punting the Turkey: A metaphorical consequence for any anti-Trump remarks.

  • Duncan [16:35]: “If you show up to someone else's Thanksgiving, like the first thing you should do approaching the table is you say, if anyone here says a single word against Donald J. Trump, I'm punting the turkey.” (16:35)

• Doggy Room Strategy: Assigning liberal relatives to an isolated area with distractions.

  • Smash [13:00]: “And if they voted for Kamala, you don't kick them out of the house. You put them in the Doge Room.” (13:00)

• Thematic Decorations: Using symbols like Handmaid’s Tale outfits to satirize liberal ideologies.

  • Evan [10:05]: “Everything that they thought Donald Trump would do if he was elected president, I think right there on the, on the coat hook.” (10:05)

7. Mock Implementation of "Project 2025"

The hosts reference "Project 2025," a fictional or satirical policy initiative, to reinforce their strategies for influencing family conversations and ensuring conservative dominance.

• Duncan [11:20]: “It's there and waiting.” (11:20)
• Michael [18:15]: “All you need to say is, well, I don't think it's gone far enough.” (18:15)

8. Humorous Enforcement Mechanisms

Incorporating playful yet confrontational elements to disrupt liberal narratives, such as:

• Forced Interests: Requiring family members to engage with conservative media or partake in exaggerated patriotic rituals.

  • Michael [20:32]: “Full memes and make them show and tell.” (20:32)

• Assassination Reenactments: Satirical dramatizations to mock perceived liberal threats.

  • Michael [21:35]: “Pause dinner... reenact the assassination attempt at Butler.” (21:35)

9. Conclusion and Call to Action

The hosts wrap up the episode by encouraging listeners to assert their conservative values during Thanksgiving gatherings. They emphasize the importance of making a lasting impression on the next generation and advocate for continued political engagement.

• Duncan [26:35]: “How are you gonna handle it?... It's another year Thanksgiving spectacular.” (26:35)
• Michael [27:22]: “It's big to us. We hope you all enjoy the parts of your family worth enjoying... make them feel unwelcome in the process.” (27:22)

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Michael [00:00]:

   “Most families are like, oh, you know, like maybe we can just get, we talk about sports and the kids and everything else. And you're like, no. Who'd you vote for? No.”

2. Duncan [00:17]:

   “If you show up to someone else's Thanksgiving, like the first thing you should do approaching the table is you say, if anyone here says a single word against Donald J. Trump, I'm punting the turkey.” (00:17)

3. Smash [00:07]:

   “Number one, what I recommend is that you take your phone, you put football on the TV until everybody shows up and then you put Tony Hinchcliffe on.” (00:07)

4. Evan [10:05]:

   “Everything that they thought Donald Trump would do if he was elected president, I think right there on the, on the coat hook.” (10:05)

5. Duncan [16:35]:

   “If you show up to someone else's Thanksgiving, like the first thing you should do approaching the table is you say, if anyone here says a single word against Donald J. Trump, I'm punting the turkey.” (16:35)

6. Michael [27:22]:

   “It's big to us. We hope you all enjoy the parts of your family worth enjoying, frankly. And then the parts with your family not worth enjoying, well, make them feel unwelcome in the process.” (27:22)

Final Thoughts

The "Ruthless Thanksgiving Spectacular" episode is a satirical take on navigating political tensions within family gatherings. The hosts employ humor and exaggeration to present conservative strategies for asserting dominance and challenging liberal viewpoints during Thanksgiving. Through a blend of mock-serious advice and provocative suggestions, the episode aims to entertain its audience while reinforcing conservative principles in a familial context.

Transcript

[Michael]

Most families are like, oh, you know, like maybe we can just get, we talk about sports and the kids and everything else. And you're like, no. Who'd you vote for? No.

[Duncan]

Who'd you vote for?

[Smash]

Number one, what I recommend is that you take your phone, you put football on the TV until everybody shows up and then you put Tony Hinchcliffe on.

[Duncan]

If you show up to someone else's Thanksgiving, like the first thing you should do approaching the table is you say, if anyone here says a single word against Donald J. Trump, I'm punting the turkey.

[Michael]

Yes.

[Duncan]

That second, the turkey's getting punted.

[Evan]

Yeah.

[Smash]

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please.

[Evan]

Just catching strays over here.

[Michael]

You're in for a hell of a show.

[Duncan]

Keep the faith, hold the line and own the libs.

[Smash]

It's time for our main event.

[Michael]

Oh, at last. The fourth annual Thanksgiving spectacular here on the ruthless variety program. Fellas, we've waited 365 days for this. Here we are.

[Duncan]

A tradition unlike any other and a.

[Evan]

Special one this year. Yes, Donald Trump is our president again.

[Michael]

Yes.

[Evan]

This is now the time to put your liberal relatives faces in the pee on the carpet like a dog.

[Smash]

No, there's a lot to be thankful for this year, Michael.

[Michael]

There's no question about that. Remember, we have basics that we've laid out here over the last four years that, you know, there's a lot of talk about how you want to not do politics. Let's not, you know, don't, don't do politics with your family over Thanksgiving. Our advice is precisely the opposite. You should do as much politics as you can possibly wedge into your day.

[Duncan]

Yes.

[Michael]

We've got some ground rules. We'll go over all of those things, things that you remember if you're a longtime listener. But for those of you who are new, there's quite a few of you. We can talk about that, but we wanted to do is pick up where we left off on Tuesday by giving you some ammunition as to why all this is necessary.

[Evan]

Yeah, well, why is it that we are so adamant that this is not the time for peace, but the time for war?

[Michael]

Yes.

[Evan]

And it's precisely because of what the other side is doing to us.

[Michael]

Yes, 100%. Right. So we talked on Tuesday about, you know, some people like the lib brain as you get into the holidays. Listen to this. Yeah, this one is fantastic. If it doesn't get you up off your couch and into the bourbon by 7 or 7:30 or 8, like you're not, you're not in the right Frame of mind.

[Evan]

Yeah, yeah. Like. Like if you are right now listening to this or watching this on YouTube and it is early Thanksgiving morning and you've got a piping hot cup of coffee in your hand, go ahead and go back to the wet bar. Go ahead, grab the Jameson. Grab something. Throw it on in there.

[Michael]

No, it's got. You got to have part of it. It's got to start early. No question about it. But here's what you're up against today. This is according to Hoffney Post, it's got an article that's printed by a well adjusted young lib by the name. I want to get her name off the top just because I want to follow your name and shame on this in the name and shame piece of it. Her name is Andrea Tate. She's an essayist. An essayist.

[Evan]

Oh.

[Michael]

Just remember, that's an important thing here in this.

[Evan]

Yeah. I'm very glad Donald Trump is president. I don't have to pay her student loans.

[Michael]

Yeah, she's. She's working on a memoir called I'll show you about her acting career in New York and Hollywood.

[Smash]

Oh, my goodness.

[Michael]

Some of her essays have been found in a variety of unreadable publications as. She's a university. She's a university writing professor.

[Duncan]

Come on.

[Michael]

Of course. Pursuing her PhD in leadership and change.

[Evan]

A PhD in leadership and change.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[Evan]

Yeah, honey, we had that. It was called Election Day.

[Michael]

Well, listen to what this idiot has to say. Okay, so she writes, my husband and his family voted for Trump, so I'm canceling Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving and Christmas. My God, I will not unwrap gifts. She writes, given to me by people who voted for a party that is talking. Talked about building internment camps and mass deportation. Oh, that is a heady start.

[Evan]

Yeah. I mean, just to give you guys the background here, because I don't. I mean, yes, professionally, technically, professionally, this woman is a writer. It's horrific what she's written here, but basically, this is an entire article about her trying to get her husband to take down a Facebook post.

[Duncan]

Are you for real?

[Michael]

No, seriously, she goes, like, some of this stuff we actually have to go through before we get into our instructions just so he can rev up your engine a little bit. I knew he voted red. He knew I voted blue. And I had hoped the most capable and most inclusive candidate would win.

[Duncan]

Oh, my God.

[Michael]

He hoped the idea of a better America would win. He won. And from where I stand, America lost. In the aftermath of Tuesday night's election results. Still under bed. Still under the bed covers. Wednesday morning I scrolled social media looking for hope. You're not going to find any there, lady. That's not going to work. But let me finish this paragraph and I'll kick it out. I unfriended a few short sighted Facebook friends.

[Smash]

Boy, that's change.

[Michael]

No need to continue our digital relationships and witness their shelf selfishness and hate. Then I saw my husband's post.

[Evan]

And you're thinking to yourself, this must have been the most offensive thing. He really must have spiked the football and said some really rude things. Ashbrooke, what did he write?

[Smash]

God bless America. God bless number 45 and 47.

[Michael]

Oh, what an absolutely treacherous individual.

[Smash]

And would you care to know what she fired back over text?

[Michael]

I'd love to know.

[Smash]

I love you. But out of respect for me and all my liberal writer friends, can you please take down that post? My God, he said. God bless America. She couldn't handle it. No.

[Michael]

My favorite part about this, I don't want to go line by line through this thing because it's really just meant to gin you up. But this man has some fight. This man has some fight. He walked in. It's his wife. Right. I mean, he's made a lifelong commitment to this situation. You can't get out of that pretty easily.

[Evan]

Yeah. He married a theater kid. He knew what he was getting into.

[Michael]

He knew what he was like. He bought the ticket, he said, let the plane crash. Anyway, what he says is, I'm sorry, I understand, and then promptly left the fucking thing.

[Evan]

Yes. Which is exactly the way you have to be today on Thanksgiving.

[Michael]

Yes, exactly. Right. And she goes on to talk about all of her plight and all the things that she's concerned about and all this stuff. And then, you know, at the end of it, she's canceling Thanksgiving and Christmas because she's a lunatic and her family is somehow less important to her than her political views. So listen, interesting component. You find it exclusively on the left.

[Duncan]

Yeah.

[Michael]

What today is for, the Ruthless Variety program is an opportunity to explore what's in it for the left coming from the right. And we have plenty, plenty of ideas.

[Evan]

Yes.

[Michael]

So listen, when you hear us talking about this from the very beginning, for your OGs, they're like a simple couple of things. You're drinking to excess and you start extremely early. Yes. And like, you know, there's a way when you have like 4th of July or whatever where you just crack a couple of Bud Heavies or something early and you just kind of pace it throughout the day because, you know, the fireworks Come on. Pretty late. You don't want to be a complete mess. That's not what you do here.

[Duncan]

You're going for complete mess.

[Michael]

You want by the time guests arrive to be completely shit faced. Just no question about it. Because it's just going to. Everything you're going to do today is going to get easier if you've got a half bottle of bourbon in you before 9:00.

[Duncan]

Oh, yeah, Just a question.

[Michael]

Football anchors the day in terms of what the surround is. I've got one adaptation this year that I'd like to put on.

[Evan]

Okay.

[Michael]

It should, you know, we talk about high volume, you know, like there's none of this, like, you know, they get nice like holiday music or whatever. It's like football full blast once an hour. I just like to replace that with Lee Greenwood.

[Duncan]

Yeah, that's a good idea.

[Michael]

Right? And it's like almost like a church bell chime.

[Evan]

Yeah. Maybe like on the hour.

[Michael]

On the hour. Everybody stands, you put it on and it's proud to be American. Once an hour.

[Evan]

Yeah.

[Michael]

And you stand.

[Evan]

Right.

[Michael]

And then you look at other people who are not and you just sort of like ask them kindly what the fuck they think they're doing. Right. Because Lee Greenwood is gracing all of us with an incredible rendition. And like the first one, you may actually get some followers. But if you do it every hour, for every hour they're in your house, you're gonna do some damage on that front.

[Evan]

Yeah.

[Michael]

No question.

[Smash]

This holiday season, millions of families across America will rely on credit card rewards to visit their loved ones. So why are D.C. politicians trying to pass a bill that would end credit card rewards, making it more expensive for families to be together? The Durbin Marshall credit card bill is a big government handout to corporate megastores that makes them more money, but eliminates travel rewards for you tell Congress to guard your card because Americans lose when politicians choose. Learn [e-mail].

[Evan]

You know what else I think? I think, you know, we should make their nightmares real on Thanksgiving. Everything that they thought Donald Trump would do if he was elected president, I think right there on the, on the coat hook. For every liberal woman who comes into your house, you have a nice Handmaid's Tale outfit for them to put on in honor of Thanksgiving.

[Michael]

And you can say it's for pilgrims or whatever, but it's a handmade thing. Yeah. And you just tell them like, this is Project 2025.

[Evan]

It's the law of the land now.

[Michael]

This is what we do. But part of this, at least at its inception, is making absolutely clear. Every one of your house guests or of your guest at knows that politics are going to be on the table.

[Duncan]

That's the thing. So I like thinking of Thanksgiving and when I give advice to folks, you think of it as either a home game or in a way home game if you're the one hosting it away, if you're going to be attending Thanksgiving of family or relatives. So what my personal plan is for hosting. Number one, the Trump signs are going right back on the yard. So they know you have to make it clear even before they walk in the front door. This is how it's going down. And on every seat at the table, there's a printed copy of Project 2025.

[Michael]

Yeah, right.

[Duncan]

It's there and waiting.

[Michael]

Do you use the real one or like what the lib said it was?

[Duncan]

The one they said it is so ten times scarier. Yeah, no, because I haven't even read the real one, but I. It's a lot. I mean, it's a thick book and stuff. I'm not reading.

[Michael]

We're not interested in policy here.

[Duncan]

I think it's good because it must be good if they're so scared of it.

[Evan]

Hopefully. Also at your Thanksgiving table are our napkins.

[Duncan]

Yes.

[Michael]

Oh, yeah.

[Evan]

And if you didn't order them and you know you didn't order them ahead of time, you're gonna want these for Christmas. Yeah, they're going like hotcakes. But we've got the wonderful napkins. We, we plug these on the Tuesday episode. And again, I have, I've hand, hand stitched all of these and hand painted all of them with my reuter, my little jeweler's eye, you know. So it's exactly Donald Trump's victory here from election Day, you're going to go ahead and want to have those in everybody's seat as well.

[Duncan]

That's right.

[Michael]

No question about it. I love the idea of a Trump sign in the yard because it really does send a message. They're like, oh, son of a.

[Duncan]

And my favorite one is it's all black. It just says Trump. And below it, Never Surrender. That's the theme for this Thanksgiving. If you're hosting, Never surrender. Not one moment. Make it clear. And the other rule is, you know how everyone at the table, you think, okay, everyone say what you're thankful for. Right. Even before that you have a roll call. Who did you vote for? One by one by one by one. Because people need to be held accountable.

[Michael]

Most families are like, oh, you know, like Maybe we can just get. We can talk about sports and the kids and everything else. And you're like, no, Who'd you vote for?

[Smash]

No.

[Duncan]

Who'd you vote for? Number one.

[Smash]

And if they voted for Kamala, you don't kick them out of the house. You put them in the Doge Room.

[Evan]

Yeah.

[Smash]

You make them watch football at high volume. You give them the driest part of the turkey, and you tell them, cuts are coming. Enjoy your turkey.

[Michael]

You know what else I would love as a part of that is to have one of your kids standing at the door of the Doge Room for every woman that walks in and be like, hi, ma'am, have you registered your menstrual cycle today?

[Evan]

I think right after roll call, you should really throw him a curveball and be like, thank you, everyone, for attending my Thanksgiving. I just wanted to start everything with a land acknowledgement, and I want to recognize the United States of America, owned by Donald Trump, and then read out the popular vote total.

[Michael]

That's exactly right. And at some point, like, you know, you're get. You got the music going, you're drinking heavily, you got football, you got, you know, families, like, they're trying to get away from stuff. Like, at some point, you're going to want to bring up the prospect of a third term, right, Smash?

[Smash]

No, that's exactly right. And I think the best way to do that is as you're going up and getting second. So some people go up and get seconds, but you need to make it a point to go up to that buffet and grab thirds. And every time you grab thirds, you say, I'm doing this because Donald Trump will be president for a third term. Every single time.

[Duncan]

Well, I like framing it as saying, he's already won three times. You really gotta lay down the wall.

[Michael]

Which would be, as we know, an American record. Yeah. If he could figure that out. That's a very smart point.

[Duncan]

You have to let it be known.

[Michael]

You gotta work that in. I mean, look, the other piece of this. So part of this goal and, like, what we work to try to find here on the Variety program, how do you maximize reaction?

[Evan]

Yeah. Cause it's not like you're inviting them to Thanksgiving. It's like you're renditioning them to a CIA black site.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[Evan]

You want. You want them to be as much.

[Duncan]

That's a good source of inspiration, as.

[Evan]

Much psychological pain as possible.

[Michael]

It's not about just sort of like, refuting their arguments. You could do that all day. Like, we do that. You all do that in your Personal life. It's about, like, what's the one thing that would just send them to the fucking moon? Like, if you have a healthcare professional in the house and they're talking a little bit about work and you just break in on their conversation, you're like, well, Joe Rogan says, yeah, yeah. And just leave it at that.

[Evan]

Yeah.

[Michael]

They're gonna go absolutely bonkers.

[Smash]

Yeah.

[Duncan]

Yeah.

[Evan]

Like, you can eat Thanksgiving with us, but you have to sit at the table that serves exclusively seed oils and then go into RFK's. Make America Healthy again.

[Michael]

Or, like, you know, like, somebody expresses some concern with world events. You're like, I don't know. I was listening to Tucker Carlson the other day.

[Evan]

Yeah.

[Michael]

Like, just watch their mind turn inside out. There's nothing, I promise you. You could argue the virtues or non virtues of American intervention in a whole bunch of different places to a draw. That's not what you're looking for.

[Duncan]

No, no.

[Michael]

What you want is for them to grab their shit, their kids, and be like, I am out of here, you son of a bitch.

[Duncan]

But that's a good. Like Duncan said, it's a good way to frame it. What would gitm.

[Evan]

Yeah.

[Duncan]

Like, that's the kind of mindset you need to have going into this. And then, like, if it's an away game, if you're attending someone's Thanksgiving, that doesn't mean, oh, you know, I have to behave. I'm at someone else's place. No, because, like, for so long, the left has weaponized your empathy against you.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[Duncan]

Being like, all these poor illegal immigrants have nowhere to go if they want to commit all their crimes. No. Empathy is gone. We tried that. We put up with that for too long. If you show up to someone else's Thanksgiving, like, the first thing you should do approaching the table is you say, if anyone here says a single word against Donald J. Trump, I'm punning the turkey.

[Michael]

Yes.

[Duncan]

That second, the turkey's getting punted.

[Evan]

Yeah. It wouldn't be a recommendation of the ruthless variety program on Thanksgiving if it didn't involve punting the turkey.

[Michael]

It has to punt the turkey.

[Evan]

If you are doing a road game, I just want you to know you are our bravest soldiers.

[Duncan]

Yeah.

[Evan]

You are behind enemy lines with a knife between your teeth. And we salute you.

[Michael]

Yeah. And you're gonna have to find a few willing friends. Like, it's okay if it's by yourself. Like, if it's just you right back in. Like, let us know how that went. But ideally, you're gonna want to recruit A few fellow soldiers with you.

[Duncan]

It should be our over half of Americans. We won the popular vote and the electoral.

[Michael]

Yeah, I mean, you're really a brave soldier if you're the only one of your family.

[Smash]

If you show up at somebody else's house, technology is now to the point where you can take your iPhone and television, and if it's a liberal relative, you know they're not going to be watching football. So what I recommend is that you take your phone, you put football on the TV until everybody shows up, and then you put Tony Hinchcliff on and you full, full on Tony Hinchcliffe.

[Duncan]

The whole bit.

[Michael]

Yep. And then talk about how hilarious it is.

[Smash]

And then when they come back for dessert, you put Tom Homan on And you say, Mr. Homan is gonna tell us how he will keep our country secure in the next four years.

[Duncan]

And you don't have to split up the families. Homan knows. You deport them all.

[Michael]

You deport them all. And that's another thing. Like when you're into the policy discussion, like, inevitably somebody will be like, this doesn't sit right with me. And I can't stand for that. If you've gotten yourself lost in a policy discussion where somebody actually knows some shit and they're, like, getting deep into the weeds on it, you feel like, I can't really combat this with just a bull. Project 2025 says anything that they say. All you need to say is, well, I don't think it's gone far enough. And just make that the staple of any conversation where they're, like, complaining about a. Well, in my view, it hasn't gone far.

[Evan]

No, just say, stop. Stop. I'm already on board.

[Smash]

All right, So I just got to point out that my friends at Americans for Prosperity made a huge difference this year. AFP volunteers made millions of voter contacts, which is absolutely mind blowing. They are the largest, most effective ground game operation in the country to defend and advance the conservative movement. But now that the election is behind us, the hard work of turning electoral victory into policy wins begins. And the grassroots army with Americans for Prosperity will again be in the thick of it. We have an incredible opportunity next year to get the country back on track. But it means we're all going to have to roll up our sleeves and get to work. If you're ready to join a winning team making a difference across the country, check out my friends at AFP and you can learn [e-mail].

[Michael]

Also, like, anytime you can work Elon into the conversation, always Yeah, I feel like that he has become such a pariah.

[Evan]

Absolute lightning rod.

[Michael]

An absolute lightning rod.

[Smash]

I think a great idea for that is, you know, often people have a hard time thinking up on the spot what they're thankful for. So what you could do is at every place setting, provide a piece of paper and just tell people. Why don't you just read the piece of paper and then tell? You know, that will tell everybody what you're thankful for. And each piece of paper just has a different Elon Musk tweet.

[Duncan]

That's a good idea. That's a good idea.

[Michael]

Full memes and make them show and tell. Yeah, yeah, that is a good idea.

[Duncan]

Well, it's like I say, every Thanksgiving, I wake up in darkness before the sun is even up and think of all the crazy right wing shit I'm gonna carpet bomb at dinner. That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. Because you have to spend time doing this, especially if you're behind enemy lines, take no prisoners, you have to go in, lay down the law.

[Michael]

Yeah. I mean, I feel like at some point you're going to have to have the youngest daughter, a granddaughter, at some point race a middle aged man just to point and like force it in the backyard. Like you need to run fast and like you can promise him the winner gets like extra cranberries or something like that. And like, you know, then as soon as it's over, then you just demonstrate the point. Right. That these people are out of their fucking mind because you can't have a middle aged man complete competing against like an 8 year old. And when, and then it, then you get into the transgender conversation.

[Duncan]

Right.

[Michael]

Into sports, which, which immediately the nexus back into football. You can talk. I mean, you're on home footing there.

[Evan]

Yeah.

[Michael]

No question about it. Can I offer one thing that I think is very unique to this, that I think has to be done during Thanksgiving. At some point you need to pause dinner, maybe with the clinking of the glass and reenact the assassination attempt at Butler.

[Duncan]

That's good.

[Michael]

One of your family members who's in on it, like maybe cranberries dripping down the face, you know, needs to do it and then give the fight, fight, fight. At which point you just give like a tearful round of applause and look at everybody and make sure they're like, yes, that's what our president did. That's what he did. Exactly right.

[Smash]

And then you start the prayer and you say, what are you thankful for this year? Most of all family. That.

[Evan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get out some bits of string to show bullet projections. You reenact it like you're staring at the Zapruder film and you're like three degrees to the right. World War three. Three degrees to the left. We saved America.

[Smash]

That's exactly right.

[Michael]

Maybe you use that to get into the prayer. Yeah, you're like, so now I'll bow your heads.

[Smash]

It's a perfect thing to do. And up on the projection screen, you have the chur chart about immigration. The exact same country.

[Michael]

And you can pick up after dinner where he left off. Which is, as I was saying.

[Smash]

Exactly.

[Michael]

Give the rest of the chart. Oh, fellas, I just gotta tell you, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. And it always was. Because at some level, it was about excess.

[Evan]

Yeah.

[Michael]

You know, it like you do drink to excess. Eating is not. So you're full or you're happy or you're. Whatever it is, a fucking comp. Like, you gotta get involved in that if someone's gonna eat the most plates. And if you're not that person, you did it all wrong.

[Duncan]

It's not about competitive eating. It should be like a combat sport.

[Smash]

Right.

[Duncan]

People should be disgusted.

[Michael]

They should be horrified by what you've done to your body and everyone around you. Right.

[Smash]

And it's not just about you. Remember, you're doing one plate for every term you'd like to see from President Trump. So if you want five terms, you better eat five plates.

[Michael]

One plate for every term. That's what Project 2025 says. No question about it. You have to do that. It's just now part of the rule and part of the law.

[Smash]

Part of the law.

[Michael]

I just think there's so many opportunities. You all know your family the best, and you know what? Like, gets their goat. What the point is, is do exactly what it is that you want to do. Because remember, you're leaving very serious impressions on the next generation.

[Duncan]

That's right.

[Michael]

And if they see you doing exactly what it is that you want to be doing in taking over this conversation, you're going to have a next generation that appreciates Thanksgiving as much as you do.

[Duncan]

I mean, that's the spirit of thanksgiving is establishing dominance. The Pilgrims established dominance. Got rid of all the damn Native Americans in nature. You know, this country is America and belongs to the Americans, and you have to establish that dominance. Think of the Pilgrims and all the fight they had to do to stop, like, you know, the Siouxs and the Raiders and such.

[Michael]

Oh, my God.

[Duncan]

And you should. You should thank them for that.

[Michael]

I did not See a native blast coming.

[Duncan]

That might be new to the spirit of Thanksgiving.

[Michael]

That might be new. For those of you who have just tuned in for the first Thanksgiving, go back, do yourself a favor, go in the back catalog. It's crazier and crazier. Every single one of these that we've done. The first one with you was probably in Egypt, wasn't it?

[Duncan]

Oh, that may have been, man.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[Duncan]

I think I had Covid.

[Michael]

I think I could barely breathe.

[Evan]

I think you were patient zero for a new strain.

[Michael]

But we appreciate you. We appreciate. We're thankful for everything that you all have brought to us in terms of not just a listenership, but a community that we really feel like that has been a part of something that is big, and it's big to us. And we saw everything that you guys did with early voting, organizing, neighbors. You tweeted at us, you sent us emails, you sent us texts. It means a lot. And you helped change your country. We could not be more thankful for all of you. We hope you all enjoy the parts of your family worth enjoying, frankly. And then the parts with your family not worth enjoying, well, make them feel unwelcome in the process. Fellas, any of the final words here on our Thanksgiving episode?

[Duncan]

Well, the last thing I want to know is, for our dear listeners, if you're listening to this early in the morning, are you going to be subtle or overt in your battle against the libs in your family at Thanksgiving? Because there's multiple approaches. You can try being subtle and being like, yeah, you know, I can't wait until the prices of turkey come down because Trump got elected. Or you can be overt and let him know. Anyone says anything against President Trump, I'm punting the turkey.

[Michael]

Yeah, yeah. Either way. I'd like to know your process. I'd like to know the process. I can't emphasize this enough. That's a morning worth waking up and getting the Baileys in the coffee. Maybe adding a little Jameson to it.

[Duncan]

A little something 100%.

[Michael]

And then just snowball that sucker right down the hill to the point where you're unrecognizable when guests arrive.

[Smash]

Yeah.

[Duncan]

No breaks on this train.

[Michael]

Right. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I hope you don't remember it.

[Smash]

Yeah, it's not good anyway. Hasn't been good in 30 years.

[Michael]

Hasn't been good in 30 years. So, anyway, with all that, that's our question of the day. How are you gonna handle it? You know how we're gonna handle it. You guide of how you handle it, fellas. It's another year Thanksgiving spectacular. I think we did it.

[Duncan]

I think so. Absolute banger of an episode. Gentlemen, again, thank you so much to our listeners. Remember, subscribe if you have not yet. I will go on a disgusting Southwest cruise if we hit 100k by Christmas. So until next time, minions, keep the faith, hold the line, and own the Libs. Happy Thanksgiving. We'll see you Tuesday.

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[Michael]

Today.