Schumer Senate Struggles: Socialists, Scharts & Sex Scandal

Summary

Ruthless Podcast: "Schumer Senate Struggles: Socialists, Scharts & Sex Scandal"

Date: July 17, 2026
Hosts: Josh Holmes, Comfortably Smug (absent for most of the episode), Michael Duncan, John Ashbrook

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Episode Overview

In this Fun Time Friday edition, the Ruthless crew takes their signature irreverent and sharp-edged approach to the latest news on the left, focusing on the growing rift in the Democratic Party. They take aim at Chuck Schumer's political struggles, Democratic Socialist rhetoric, and rampant scandals, while injecting plenty of humor and banter. The episode also features their trademark satirical games, listener engagement, and lighthearted discussions on everything from fast food-induced gastrointestinal disasters to odd license plates and bizarre bear behavior.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Schumer’s Senate Woes & The Left’s Anti-Semitic Rhetoric

• Opening Riff on DSA and Left-Wing Anti-Semitism

  • Hosts criticize how anti-Semitic language, once fringe, has become mainstream in the Democratic Party.
  • Quote – John Ashbrook [00:00]:

    "How many people, particularly in the DSA and on the left, have borrowed this anti-Semitic language that Bin Laden himself was using against Jewish people...They're not allowed, apparently.”

  • Josh Holmes argues Schumer has shifted from being staunchly pro-Israel to “basically taken the pro-Hamas stance” under pressure from his base.

    "It's their candidate. It's all of them. It's gotten to the point where Chuck Schumer himself is like, oh, you know, war with Iran, I hate it. Israel's doing bad stuff. It's a guy who spent 30 years of his career defending Israel to the hilt...He's basically taken the pro Hamas stance." [00:29]

• Schumer’s “Shart” Incident & Mockery

  • The crew plays and repeatedly analyzes an infamous Senate floor audio clip supposedly featuring Schumer passing gas.
  • Quote – Michael Duncan [08:42]:

    "Yeah. It seemed like the sort of fart that's backed up inside you for a while."

  • Mockery intensifies, treating the incident as a metaphor for Schumer’s current political stature:

    "Can we talk about Schumer shitting his pants?" – Josh Holmes [00:55]
    "That's the extent of his participation in that debate. In fairness, he could have stopped right there...and that would have described his career adequately." – Josh Holmes [08:02]

2. Sex Scandals & Hypocrisy: Ruben Gallego Spotlight

• Discussion of Rep. Ruben Gallego’s Alleged Misconduct
  • Explores reporting that Gallego, a close associate of Eric Swalwell, had denied sexual misconduct allegations only for the New York Post to reveal multiple relationships with staffers.
  • Quote – Reporter Question Played [11:22]:

    "Have you ever engaged in any inappropriate sexual misconduct or behavior toward your staff...other staff, other women outside of your marriage?"
    – Gallego: “No.”
    – Ruthless commentary: "That's the funny part...What scumbag?" – Michael Duncan [14:16]

  • Discuss the broader culture of inappropriate relationships in Congress and the practiced evasions:

    "If having a sexual relationship with House staff is disqualifying, I think we get a lot of resignations tomorrow." – Josh Holmes [14:22]

3. Democratic Primary Chaos: The Haley Stevens Case

• Focus turns to Michigan’s Democratic primary where Schumer has backed "uninspiring" candidate Haley Stevens over a leftist rival.
• Clip of Stevens is played, and her delivery is mocked for being forced and affected.
  • Quote – Michael Duncan [19:05]:

    "She seems like a...like an old timey ball coach giving you a rousing halftime speech. She just needs one of those leather helmets on."

  • Commentary on Democrats’ struggles to find relatable, authentic candidates:

    "What is it with Democrat candidates that they can't just talk the way that they normally talk?" – John Ashbrook [19:49]

4. Game Segment: "DSA vs UBL (Osama bin Laden)"

[21:29–34:04]

• Gameplay Premise: Guess which inflammatory, anti-American or anti-Israel statement was made by a DSA figure vs. by Osama bin Laden.
• Hosts note the disturbing overlap in rhetoric, especially anti-Semitic tropes.
  • "The most wild, homicidal statement I've heard in a very long time, but I'm reserving it for DSA..." – Josh Holmes [26:13]
  • Reveal: At least one statement, full of violent and anti-Semitic content, turned out to be from a US-based activist, not bin Laden, highlighting the rhetorical convergence.
• Discussion circles back to how the DSA’s positions and language now control large segments of the Democratic Party.
  • "The big problem here, it's not a fringe type. It's their candidate. It's all of them." – Josh Holmes [33:15]

5. Recurring Banter: The “Parts” & Small Business Debate

• Mock Argument: Ashbrook passionately defends small manufacturers and “parts” companies, countering Smug's alleged pro-corporate stance.
  • “I just think it's important to promote the little guy because the little guy doesn't have an advertising budget.” – John Ashbrook [06:12]
  • “I always say, show me your parts.” – Josh Holmes [36:58]
• This running gag resurfaces every time parts, manufacturing, or supporting the Midwest come up.

6. Absurd Variety Segment Highlights

• Taco Bell Diarrhea Outbreak:
  • The crew jokes about how one could even distinguish an “outbreak” from normal Taco Bell aftereffects.

    "How do you know the difference?" – Josh Holmes [38:43]

• Odd News:
  • Florida woman receives “SQUEEZE ASS” vanity plate. The crew speculates about pranks and the culture of The Villages (senior community).

    “Let's give her squeeze ass.” – Josh Holmes [45:16]

  • Bear steals golf clubs on a course—laughter about asserting dominance over animal kingdom.

    "This is why we as men need to assert dominance over the animal kingdom." – John Ashbrook [50:18]

• Las Vegas Woman with 14 Husbands:
  • Mock astonishment at the husband-count and low “take” per victim; encourage better grifting strategies.

    “Feels like more work than just getting a job.” – Michael Duncan [56:12]

7. Michelle Obama’s Relevance and Media Treatment

• The hosts mock Michelle Obama’s sense of her own importance and supposed media victimhood.

  “They talked about your dress and your shoes because nobody fucking voted for you. Do you ever think of that? You're not the politician. You're certainly not President of the United States. Let the guy have a cigarette for Christ's sake.” – Michael Duncan [64:13]

• Skeptical of any claim that the press was unfair, arguing mainstream press worshipped the Obamas from day one.

8. Listener Engagement – DSA vs UBL Game

• The team encourages listeners to submit local Democratic Socialist quotes to keep the game alive:

  "You give us their best statements and maybe we can keep this game going." – Josh Holmes [65:44]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Opening salvo on DSA rhetoric and anti-Semitism

  "How many people, particularly in the DSA and on the left, have borrowed this anti Semitic language that Bin Laden himself was using...?" – John Ashbrook [00:00]

• On Schumer’s political fallback and gaffe

  "Can we talk about Schumer shitting his pants?" – Josh Holmes [00:55]
  "He could have stopped right there...and that would have described his career adequately." – Josh Holmes [08:02]

• On Ruben Gallego’s denials

  "Have you ever engaged in any inappropriate sexual misconduct...?"
  "No." – Ruben Gallego [11:31]

• On Democratic campaign persona changes

  "What is it with Democrat candidates that they can't just talk the way that they normally talk?" – John Ashbrook [19:49]

• On DSA vs UBL statements

  "That's the wildest thing I've, I think I've ever seen out of somebody. How is that guy not deported?" – Josh Holmes [30:36]

• On Michelle Obama’s self-centered interviews

  “They talked about your dress and your shoes because nobody fucking voted for you.” – Michael Duncan [64:13]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• DSA & Anti-Semitism Discussion: 00:00–00:55; 32:59–33:14
• Schumer “Shart” Segment & Mockery: 06:20–09:00
• Ruben Gallego Scandal: 10:10–16:41
• Haley Stevens Clip & Banter: 17:25–20:30
• DSA vs UBL Game: 21:29–34:04
• Taco Bell Outbreak/Childhood Taco Orders: 37:37–43:49
• License Plate & Bear Story: 43:56–50:29
• Las Vegas Woman + 14 Husbands: 51:31–57:34
• Michelle Obama Critique: 57:34–65:44
• Listener Question/Game Plug: 65:44–66:10

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Summary Tone

The tone is sarcastic, confrontational, and gleefully irreverent. The hosts rarely miss an opportunity for a joke, tangent, or inside running gag—especially at the expense of political opponents, the media, or each other. The conversation is loose and fast, with quick pivots from substantive points to lowbrow humor, and back again.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

• This episode offers a ruthless and comedic breakdown of the cracks within the Democratic Party, especially surrounding the Israel debate and radical left rhetoric.
• The team skewers the political class with off-color humor, especially in the “Fun Time Friday” spirit.
• The “DSA vs UBL” game memorably exposes the disturbing similarity between some domestic far-left rhetoric and infamous statements from Osama bin Laden—a central, unsettling point.
• Scandal, hypocrisy, food poisoning, and even bear crime are covered, all through the show's trademark sardonic lens.
• If you haven’t listened, expect pointed satire, inside jokes, and the brash confidence that has made Ruthless a leading conservative podcast.

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Suggestions for Further Engagement

• Submit your best DSA-style or UBL-style quote from local candidates to help fuel an ongoing segment.
• For a palate cleanser, the next time you grab Taco Bell, skip the lettuce.
• And if you’re running a small parts business, Ashbrook wants you to know—he’s got your back.

Transcript

[John Ashbrook]

How many people, particularly in the DSA and on the left, have borrowed this anti Semitic language that Bin Laden himself was using against Jewish people who are just like, trying to say something to their government? They're not allowed, apparently.

[Josh Holmes]

And that's always been troubling for, like, the fringe DSA types, when the DSA was a fringe type. The big problem here, it's not a fringe type.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

It's their candidate. It's all of them. It's gotten to the point where Chuck Schumer himself is like, oh, you know, war with Iran, I hate it. Israel's doing bad stuff. It's a guy who spent 30 years of his career defending Israel to the hilt, and all of a sudden the base of the party is blaming Israel for everything. And so he's basically taken the pro Hamas stance. Can we talk about Schumer shitting his pants?

[Michael Duncan]

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[John Ashbrook]

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. This program has become one of the most influential podcasts in America.

[Michael Duncan]

I love the personality. You guys are killing it. I just saw your number one, so congratulations.

[John Ashbrook]

Thank you.

[Josh Holmes]

It's an honor and a pleasure to welcome the great Sean Hannity. Guys, I love you. Congratulations on all your success. This is why you listen to the

[Michael Duncan]

Ruthless Podcast, because nobody else would ask that question. The only political podcast worth listening to

[John Ashbrook]

is the Ruthless Podcast. It's time for our main event, the

[Josh Holmes]

Ruthless Podcast Fun Time Friday. Welcome back to the Ruthless Friday program. I'm Josh Holmes, along with Michael Duncan and John Ashbrook. Smuggles. I had to go back home. We kept him away for a long period of time. Of course, he's got a young child, so he has to be a responsible father. We understand that. I think when we were in similar situations, you had to go at a moment's notice if you were needed. But we had a hell of a week, honestly dragging a little bit.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

But we're absolutely committed to making this as fun a time as possible. What we delivered to you on Thursday was, I hope what your takeaway was, was the same as ours, which just a totally inspirational, incredible experience. A one of one event that Senator Dave McCormack put together at the Army War College in Carlisle, Pennsylvania. That was. Was awesome. But it was very substantive.

[Michael Duncan]

It was, it was very high brow. And this is of course fun time Friday, which is of course low brow.

[Josh Holmes]

And we're nothing without versatility here on the Ruthless variety program.

[John Ashbrook]

Exactly right. We, we did have a great time there, to be honest. We did have a great time. There were a lot of very important people. I feel like we did a very good show on Thursday. Gave people something to be optimistic about. Smug gave me a very hard time because I focused a lot on the very small businesses, the parts manufacturers out there in our country. And Smug was like, no, you need to talk about the major corporations. Well, let me inform Smug what our audience.

[Michael Duncan]

He's attacking Smug in his absence. Unbelievable.

[Josh Holmes]

This is outrageous here.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

Let me just read a couple of comments. It's not me attacking him. It is people in our audience who seem to agree. Okay, what is this? Karen Lee knits. When I lived In Ohio about 30 years ago, I worked for a company that made metal stamping machines like Ashbrook spoke about. Glad to hear it. Great show as usual. And Amanda Strumpf responded. What was the company? I grew up in Ohio. My uncle did the same thing thing. NL 1927.

[Josh Holmes]

No. Is this going to go along how long you did.

[John Ashbrook]

I have one more comment. Okay. And I'll stop it there. Just to. Just to illustrate a point, just to relieve Smug of. Of any more pain he might feel from prioritizing the major corporations over the small family parts manufacturers out there in the Midwest. NL 1927 said, thank you for recognizing the small businesses that come together to make big things. I work for a small business that works on landing gears and airplane ports. 12 people in total. And so what I will say to you is that these.

[Josh Holmes]

Hey, Kim, this is totally off.

[Michael Duncan]

He's hijacked the show. This is totally off the rails.

[John Ashbrook]

What I will say to you is that it is small businesses that make up the backbone of this country. And I think in a moment of honesty, all of these Major corporations would agree because it's the small businesses who supply them. They do everything they use.

[Michael Duncan]

He's created like he's tilting at windmills here.

[John Ashbrook]

I don't think so, because Smug was very clear he doesn't like the small business.

[Josh Holmes]

I think what he's doing is recruiting for a new organization that he's putting together entitled Show Me youe Parts, llc.

[John Ashbrook]

Wow.

[Josh Holmes]

Touch my parts. Oh, baby.

[John Ashbrook]

Not quite.

[Josh Holmes]

He's a big part guy. He's always gonna be.

[John Ashbrook]

I just think it's important to promote the little guy because the little guy doesn't have an advertising budget. You gotta do it.

[Josh Holmes]

Can we talk about Schumer shitting his pants?

[John Ashbrook]

Let's do it.

[Josh Holmes]

So this whole section, disgusting.

[John Ashbrook]

That's.

[Josh Holmes]

Well, can we get this.

[John Ashbrook]

Can we get a little more audio on that Trump?

[Josh Holmes]

It's a Mr. Filthy, Dirty, Disgusting.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah, Filthy, dirty, disgusting. Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

That Mr. Trump has put it well. So listen, there's a whole bunch of things that we're going to go through that have happened this week. You may have seen them before, but the fellows haven't weighed in. And so we have to. One of them is Schumer taking to the Senate floor. But I think this whole first segment follows on him shitting the bed in a variety of different ways. So it's apropos that this is what we're talking about. Let's start with clip one and jump off from there. Now on Iran and the ndaa, when

[John Ashbrook]

all the Trump administration can say about his.

[Josh Holmes]

Wait, wait, wait. Okay. So at some point, you know, there are noises, ambient noises in an empty chamber, and, like, things can happen. I don't think you can make them. Let's play one more time

[Michael Duncan]

now on

[Josh Holmes]

Iran and the ndaa, when all the Trump administration can say about filthy, dirty, disgusting.

[Michael Duncan]

It is.

[John Ashbrook]

It's filthy, dirty, disgusting. We don't have very much audio on that. Wolf, if you could turn up the board a little bit, that would help.

[Josh Holmes]

Mr. Trump has. Has accurately described what that is, is filthy, disgusting. Of course, he was weighing in on Iran and the ndaa, two things which could adequately. The fart could adequately describe when.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah, yeah, it's a big fart.

[Josh Holmes]

That's the extent of his participation in that debate. In fairness, he could have stopped right there, put a period at the end

[John Ashbrook]

of that one, and that would have described his career adequately.

[Michael Duncan]

I mean, seen a lot of Chuck Schumer speeches. You know, he's infamous for being the guy who, like, pulls out of the, the dais, out of the Back of his car and, oh, yeah, the speech. Wherever he possibly can.

[Josh Holmes]

The portable mic and stand.

[Michael Duncan]

Never has DC listened to a Chuck Schumer speech. Closer than waiting for him to unleash that fart. And. And might we talk. Let's spend a minute to talk about.

[Josh Holmes]

Can we dissect it?

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

The type of fart that was.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. That's a dangerous one for a man of his age.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah. It seemed like the sort of fart that's backed up inside you for a while.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

You know, disgusting.

[John Ashbrook]

Once again, board is just a little low. If you could turn that up and help.

[Michael Duncan]

I mean, he. You might want to go and get that checked out.

[Josh Holmes]

Let's hear. That's one more. One more of that. If we get one more, it'll be, I think now on Iran and the ndaa, when all the Trump administration can say about.

[Michael Duncan]

It's.

[Josh Holmes]

There's something going on. I mean, look, maybe he got into the. There's a huge gastrointestinal thing going around the country.

[Michael Duncan]

You think he had some Taco Bell maybe? That does seem like that. Maybe a Chipotle fart.

[Josh Holmes]

Yep. Produce maybe just snuck up on him. You know, he had like a.

[Michael Duncan]

He's getting his fiber.

[Josh Holmes]

He got like the. What are they said, the bagged iceberg lettuce.

[Michael Duncan]

Oh, yeah. You gotta watch that right now.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. Maybe that was what was happening. I don't know.

[John Ashbrook]

But. Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

It's not good. It's not good. So, of course, one of his colleagues, who he went to bat for in many ways, including his election, where a lot of people had reservations, that, of course, is Ruben Gallego.

[John Ashbrook]

Oh, it's fitting that we go to Ruben Gallego, close friend of Eric Swalwell, who became famous for the exact same thing Chuck Schumer did on the Senate floor.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah, that's right. That's right. But Rubin, as Asbrook has pointed out, has long had suspicions of malfeasance. Professionally.

[John Ashbrook]

Sure. Has.

[Josh Holmes]

Personally, all these things, like, it's never been a secret. And when they. When he finally got a clear path to run for Senate, of course, Democrats tried to bury all of that.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah. Just a quick background on what Josh is referring to. Before Gallego ran for Senate, he was rumored as an opponent for Kyrsten Sinema when she ran for Senate. And Democrats said at the time, no, he can't run for Senate in a primary against Sinema because he has home issues. And of course, what they were referring to is the fact that he left his pregnant wife for, like, a secretary or something.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah, something like that. And so this has been an ongoing conversation in political world, so much so that it's bubbled up on the doorstep of his own press conferences from time to time where he's had to answer very specific questions. You remember he went through the whole thing about how close of a friend he was with Swalwell. Because of everything that's come out about Swalwell, which he, you know, basically said he does. I guess I didn't know him. I think he did. But they also asked about his specific allegations related to Gallego and whether or not he's had himself any inappropriate sexual relations. And in clip six, he had a

[John Ashbrook]

definitive take on all that you mentioned lies and rumors. When you first came out to talk to us.

[Josh Holmes]

Have you ever engaged in any inappropriate

[John Ashbrook]

sexual misconduct or behavior toward your staff,

[Josh Holmes]

other staff, other women outside of your marriage? No. Okay, definitive case closed. There's a Sherman esque, as they say, answer right away. Asked and answered. Ruben Gallego. Well, the New York Post stuck around, decided to do a little reporting, little shoe leather reporting on some of this. And they came out with a piece just yesterday entitled Swalwell Pal. Ruben Gallego had sexual relationships with two House staffers. Sources revealed to the Post. The story goes on to say that he engaged in sexual relations with at least two House staffers.

[John Ashbrook]

least.

[Josh Holmes]

I love that they were like we don't want to minimize because we could be wrong about under shooting this. It could be dozens. But we don't know that. We can only prove two. According to the New York Post. And they're saying he had, quote, very flirtatious habits with others that may come back to haunt him. 46 year old lawmaker admitted to the two relationships both with AIDS to Texas Democrats. That's an interesting thing.

[John Ashbrook]

You mean the interesting that it's Texas and not Arizona where he represents.

[Josh Holmes]

Well, I mean if he's got them both in their different Democrats, same state, maybe he's got type. Oh, a Texas Lib. I mean it's a pretty small.

[John Ashbrook]

Okay.

[Josh Holmes]

It's very specific. Maybe he's got a niche fetish. He could.

[Michael Duncan]

It's quite the accusation.

[Josh Holmes]

Well, I'm just saying it's what I mean, Texas lives. There's not a lot of them.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

So you know, if you're gonna have both of them just happen to be in that like you gotta type.

[John Ashbrook]

It seems to me.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah, again, they haven't limited it to the two. That's just the two that they know of. But, but this is according. It was Texas Democrat to a source While second person said they'd recently learned of the romantic entanglement, so they've now talked to the Post about it. Third source confirmed one of the dalliances, both of which are said to be consensual. Well, that's good. That is certainly a. A break in tradition for Democrats these days and that they have settled into a consensual sexual relationship.

[John Ashbrook]

It's rare.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

Rare.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. Just a half step up, I guess, from where he's been. So this. The whole thing is replete with accusations and people saying that they've known about this and whatever. But the important part is. Can we go play clip 6 one more time?

[Michael Duncan]

You mentioned lies and rumors when you

[John Ashbrook]

first came out to talk to us.

[Josh Holmes]

Have you ever engaged in any inappropriate

[John Ashbrook]

sexual misconduct or behavior toward your staff,

[Josh Holmes]

other staff, other women, outside of your marriage? No. That's the funny part.

[Michael Duncan]

What scumbag?

[Josh Holmes]

Because, look, I mean, if having a sexual relationship with House staff is disqualifying, I think we get a lot of resignations tomorrow. There's a lot. Awful lot of staffers. The place is notorious in many ways. Now, not often does it extend to members. So this is a difference in that category. But the fact that he can be in hot water with a Swalwell thing and be asked on the nose whether he's had any inappropriate relations with House staffers, and him to be like, no anno, period, end of sentence. And then like a month later, all

[John Ashbrook]

these people being like, but remember the other thing. And we don't have the vision for this in the queue. But remember his reaction? Not just. I think maybe it came from that same press conference, his reaction to Swalwell when all of the allegations and everything came out about Swalwell, they immediately go to Gallego because these guys are thick as thieves in the house and always seen together, they're like, hey, Ruben, did you know this, that Eric Swalwell was doing all this stuff? And he's like, eric who? Never heard of the guy. That was basically his response. Like a guy he's been hanging out with for his entire career in politics.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. Tarps off in a couple of photos.

[John Ashbrook]

Exactly.

[Michael Duncan]

Rocking camels together.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah, right.

[Josh Holmes]

They were doing that both metaphorically and literally.

[John Ashbrook]

Well, they

[Michael Duncan]

keep going. Ashbrook.

[John Ashbrook]

One more can be said.

[Josh Holmes]

I mean, it's just a lot. And, you know, he hired. That Bates character is doing the rapid response on all that. The old Biden guy.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah. Andrew Bates.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. Bang up job so far. Yeah, Very good job so far. Maybe get your boss to just sort of back off the Sherman esque.

[John Ashbrook]

Right.

[Josh Holmes]

Because it seems to me that's pretty.

[Michael Duncan]

Maybe it's kind of like a Bill Clinton situation. Like, it depends what your definition of inappropriate is.

[John Ashbrook]

Oh, okay.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

That was a very appropriate inappropriate relationship.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. Like if, if, if you're a member of Congress, banging staff willy nilly under the right circumstances, may not be appropriate inappropriate at all. According to Gallego.

[John Ashbrook]

You know, I think sort of as a community service announcement, either we here on the variety program or somebody that covers Capitol Hill should make everybody aware which office both Ruben Gallego and Eric Swalwell currently occupy in these House office buildings so that the incoming freshme to avoid that office suite. Because I can't imagine you win an election and then somebody tells you, well, you need to work in the same office where Reuben Gallego and Eric Swalwell did their business.

[Michael Duncan]

We need to do a Room Raiders episode in there with the black light.

[Josh Holmes]

Oh, that would be good.

[Michael Duncan]

Sure. The carpets are cleaned.

[Josh Holmes]

That's different level stuff. That's different level stuff.

[John Ashbrook]

The taxpayer service.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

Well, anyway, also look out for those Texas Democrats. You never know. You just. It seems like they've caught all Reuben and you never know who their next victim might be. So, you know, that's it for Ruben. The Haley Stevens thing. I am certain that you have seen this by now, but we couldn't go without commenting on this situation. Of course, she is the Democratic candidate from Michigan who Chuck Schumer has recruited to try to beat the Hamas candidate Syed there. And well, she's not good. Can we play Clip two. I am gonna be working on our behalf. I am gonna be telling the stories on our behalf.

[John Ashbrook]

And you better believe I'm gonna be

[Josh Holmes]

doing it with a little bit of joy, a little bit of enthusiasm, a little bit of energy and a little bit of stick it to them. Because that's the Michigan way.

[John Ashbrook]

What the hell was that like? I've never heard her talk like that in my entire life.

[Michael Duncan]

She sounds like a Simpsons character. That voice. She's like, marge, stick it to itiveness.

[Josh Holmes]

Which ironically is the same thing the Texas Democrats said to Ruben Gallego.

[Michael Duncan]

Oh, my God, he's still on it.

[Josh Holmes]

Put it back up one more time. I am going to be working on our behalf. Think about it. I am going to be telling the stories on our behalf. And you better believe I'm going to be doing it with a little bit of joy, a little bit of enthusiasm, a little bit of energy, and a little bit of stick it to them. Yeah, because that's the Michigan way.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

The Texas way, too.

[Michael Duncan]

She seems like a. Like an old timey ball coach giving you a rousing halftime speech. She just needs one of those leather helmets on.

[Josh Holmes]

This is like, that's the good candidate.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah, Chuck Schumer endorsed her. Chuck Schumer saw that and was like, well, at least she's not farting.

[Josh Holmes]

They're down to like. I mean, these are the worst candidates I've ever seen. I mean, we already know the Grand Platner thing and all of that Tallarico and all of that. And like, their high hopes in Michigan of holding onto that seat rest on that lady. Are you kidding me? A little bit of stickadoom.

[John Ashbrook]

What is it with these demos? Remember Hillary Clinton with her I ain't no ways tired? Like, what is it with Democrat candidates that they can't just talk the way that they normally talk?

[Josh Holmes]

Maybe she normally talks that way.

[John Ashbrook]

I don't think so. I've never heard her talk like that. No, I think that somebody told her she needs to do it with emphasis, high energy. Show some energy. Otherwise you're not gonna be able to win this nomination. Damn it. Like. And she's like, okay, well, I'm gonna adopt a stronger accent than I've ever used, and I'm gonna use lines I've never in my life used and pretend like I'm somebody I'm not.

[Josh Holmes]

So she shows up like Chris Farley. Yeah, I mean, that's basically. That's what it reminded me of.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

I mean, it's like, whatever it is,

[Michael Duncan]

it's not working because she is trailing Abdul Syed by like 10 points.

[Josh Holmes]

It's bad, it's bad, it's bad. It's not good. And they're all. They're all terrible, but all of it is Schumer shitting the bed.

[Michael Duncan]

It's bad. It's not good. They're all terrible. I think that's good for the thumbnail, Lee.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah, that might work. That's gratuitous. What was it? What did Mr. Trump have to say about that? Filthy, dirty, disgusting. Yeah, that seems. It's a nice punctuation point on this segment. Coming up, we got a brand new game for the Ruthless Variety Program. It's something that our. I think, Duncan, you came up with this bad boy. We call it DSA versus ubl. Of course, that's the Democratic Socialists of America against Osama bin Laden.

[John Ashbrook]

Who said what?

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah, I mean, it's basically a spin on one of our favorite games. Demirjournal.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

He figured, given the Rise of the DSA and all their crazy rhetoric. We should do this game.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. So you got to guess which is which. Bin Laden or Democratic Socialists of America.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah. And like Demar Giorno, there's going to be four statements read, three of which are from DSA members, and you have to guess which one is Osama bin Laden.

[John Ashbrook]

Oh, man, what a great game. It is incredible.

[Josh Holmes]

Can't wait to play it right after this.

[John Ashbrook]

America has a powerful, abundant oil and natural gas right here at home. But energy security requires more than energy in the ground. It requires sustained production, resilient supply chains, and importantly, modern infrastructure like pipelines that move energy to the places it's needed to families, businesses, and communities. Energy security is not just about what we produce. It's about whether we can deliver it safely, reliably, and efficiently when people need it most. That's how America protects consumers, supports our economy, and leads from a position of energy strength. Learn [e-mail] paid for by the American Petroleum Institute.

[Josh Holmes]

Okay, welcome back to the Variety Program. It's the Variety part, and we're playing a game. DSA versus ubl. What do we got, ducks?

[Michael Duncan]

All right, so four statements, three of which made by DSA people and one by Osama bin Laden. You two will be our participants. Viewer, you can play along at home. Okay, statement number one. US Imperialism is not something that can be reformed away. It has to be overthrown through revolutionary struggle.

[Josh Holmes]

Okay.

[John Ashbrook]

Okay.

[Josh Holmes]

Geez, that one's hard. That one's really hard. Okay, number two.

[Michael Duncan]

Statement number two. It is also a right for the administration to support the oppressive Israelis for the continued occupation of our land and the killing of our brothers, marking a victory for the Jewish lobby. The president was not able to defend you against security and economic loss. The way for change and freeing yourselves from the pressure of lobbyists is not through the Republican or the Democratic parties, but through undertaking a great revolution for freedom.

[Josh Holmes]

I'm confused by that one because it does separate things for me. I'll get to that in the breakdown.

[Michael Duncan]

Statement number three. We mourn and honor the martyrs of Lebanon and Palestine and express our unwavering solidarity with their popular resistance movements. The contributions of these figures to the cause of freedom and justice will not be forgotten, and their victories will not be reversed.

[John Ashbrook]

Oh, my God.

[Josh Holmes]

If that's a. If that's a Democratic socialist. Remember, like, the important context to this is, this is now the controlling body within the Democratic Party.

[Michael Duncan]

These people, they're Americans, will be at the US Capitol.

[Josh Holmes]

There's at least out of the three, like, we'll see.

[John Ashbrook]

But you're saying just, just to, just to ask you a quick question, you're saying that these three DSA quotes that you've pulled come from candidates running for the House of Representatives?

[Michael Duncan]

Not, not all of them, but they're part of the organization.

[John Ashbrook]

Okay.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

Okay.

[Michael Duncan]

Statement number four. It's time for us to pay back and stop the criminals, the perpetrators, the child murderers. And we all know who they are. Whether they're in Israel, in Tel Aviv, in Washington, in Germany, in Europe, we all know them. We all know them. They need to be locked up. They need to be taken out.

[John Ashbrook]

Oh, my goodness. Dude, this is very difficult. This is extremely difficult, which is what makes the game so troubling.

[Michael Duncan]

I really enjoyed putting it together, I got to say.

[John Ashbrook]

I thought for sure there would be a clue in there somewhere that this came from, like, the early 2000s.

[Josh Holmes]

Well, the scariest one clearly is number four, which I know the game master, and I know what he does, the trickery that he does. Which would lead you to the conclusion that the craziest thing amongst it may not be Osama bin Laden, may in fact be someone seeking office here in the United States of America. That one, to me is. Is the most wild, homicidal statement I've heard in a very long time, but I'm reserving it for DSA because I. I just don't. I just know I'm trying to game the game master.

[Michael Duncan]

You're saying that's, That's a fool's errand, though, because it could be a double switch.

[Josh Holmes]

Could be a double switch, you're saying.

[Michael Duncan]

Done before, too.

[John Ashbrook]

You think number four is dsa?

[Josh Holmes]

I do, because I just can't believe anybody that has spent any time in the United States of America could say such a thing. And he knows that I know that.

[John Ashbrook]

Okay.

[Josh Holmes]

And so he, he as the game master, is trying to throw me off the set. Now, he could have done a double switch.

[Michael Duncan]

This is like the Princess Bride.

[Josh Holmes]

He could have done the double switch. In which case I would be wrong here. But I'm going to set that one aside.

[Michael Duncan]

Okay.

[Josh Holmes]

The one that confuses me the most is number two, because it does a couple of things. One, it talks about lobbyists. Don't feel like bin Laden had a, you know, heavy education in how Washington lobbyist community, how the K Street operation works.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah. And I don't remember him complaining about that, like, specifically. Yeah, maybe he did. Maybe. But I don't.

[Josh Holmes]

I don't remember him having a tremendous problem with Advocacy.

[John Ashbrook]

Uh huh. Right, right, right.

[Josh Holmes]

What I. But what's very confusing about it is they talk about our brothers and sisters in Palestine and whatever where it would be very difficult to have a first person hour.

[Michael Duncan]

Not in Dearborn.

[Josh Holmes]

That's true, that's true. So this did two, I have to. That one I'm going to reserve and I'm going to look at this first one in imperialism. To me it feels bin Laden. The martyr thing feels bin Laden. I think I'm just going to choose bin Laden as number three and call it a day.

[Michael Duncan]

Okay, okay.

[John Ashbrook]

So to be honest with you, I'm also going to go bin Laden on number three. The victories will not be reversed thing that sort of got me number one overthrown through revolutionary struggle. That to me sounds like, you know, academic psycho babble that comes from a lunatic BSA person who's now running for office who is talking about some sort of revolutionary struggle in America where you can go to McDonald's and get a cheeseburger for a cheap price. And all of a sudden their world is, oh my God, this is so terrible America where I could an education about nothing and have a job afterwards. So I'm, I'm gonna say I'm, I'm going, one is dsa. Two is dsa. Three has been Laden, four is dsa.

[Michael Duncan]

Okay, okay, I'm with Holmes now. The most fun part of the game, the big reveal. The big reveal. Okay, okay. So let's go to number one. Number one was dsa.

[Josh Holmes]

Ah, okay. Well they were trying to throw us off with imperialism, but we saw right through it.

[Michael Duncan]

From Hazel Williams, DSA San Francisco.

[Josh Holmes]

Okay. Yeah. Revolution, struggle, revolutionary struggle.

[John Ashbrook]

Difficult place to live.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah. So you both said three, so I'm going to skip ahead to four. Okay, the most offensive one.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah,

[Michael Duncan]

you know, let's put that one up.

[Josh Holmes]

Okay.

[Michael Duncan]

That was Nadal Jabor, Doctors Against Genocide. He lives in Michigan.

[John Ashbrook]

No kidding. Me?

[Michael Duncan]

No.

[Josh Holmes]

Part of the Dearborn Coalition if they will. Are you kidding me?

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

That's the wildest thing I've, I think I've ever seen out of somebody. How is that guy not deported?

[Michael Duncan]

He's got to be on a watch list, right?

[Josh Holmes]

Has to be.

[Michael Duncan]

I mean, keep your peepers popped.

[Josh Holmes]

Keep your peepers popped.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah, yeah. So it all comes down to two or three. Number three, this is from the DSA International Committee.

[John Ashbrook]

This is their main group. So a committee of probably 35 people edited and sent it back and forth and they were like, this is what we want to put as our best.

[Michael Duncan]

The funniest Part is they put it out, and then other members of the DSA had them pull it back.

[Josh Holmes]

Oh, it was even so controversial.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

The dsa.

[Michael Duncan]

There was a little consternation within their ranks.

[Josh Holmes]

Show your ass like that.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah. You can't tell them the truth of what we believe. And, yes, that means, number two is Osama bin Laden.

[Josh Holmes]

The Jewish law.

[Michael Duncan]

That is from the letter to America, in fact.

[John Ashbrook]

Are you kidding me? So bin Laden himself was complaining about Jewish lobbyists back in the day. Well, like, that was his chief complaint against America.

[Michael Duncan]

If you.

[Josh Holmes]

You know that money in politics is a real problem.

[Michael Duncan]

If you go and you read. I think it's still available on the State Department of the Pentagon website. You can see all of the books and media that they pulled out of that compound in Abbottabad. And he had a ton of books about American foreign policy by American authors and all of this sort of stuff because he wanted to read from our perspective so he could wedge on issues, so he could speak in our language and amplify the criticisms that he already knew were in the United States about the United States. He was much smarter about that PR component than people even realize.

[John Ashbrook]

What's so troubling to me about that fact is how many people, particularly in the DSA and on the left, have borrowed this anti Semitic language that bin Laden himself was using against Jewish people who are just, like, trying to say something to their government. They're not allowed, apparently not allowed to talk.

[Josh Holmes]

What's. So. Yeah. And that's always been troubling for, like, the fringe DSA types. When the DSA was a fringe type. The big problem here, it's not a fringe type.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

It's their candidate. It's all of them. It's gotten to the point where Chuck Schumer himself is like, oh, you know, war with Iran. I hate it. Israel's doing bad stuff. It's a guy who spent 30 years of his career defending Israel to the hilt. And all of a sudden the base of the party is blaming Israel for everything. And so he's basically taken the pro Hamas stance. It's taken over. They're winning everything.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

And we're gonna find out in a couple weeks that that Syed guy is gonna beat Fat Charlie or whatever her name is in Michigan.

[Michael Duncan]

Fat Charlie.

[Josh Holmes]

You know what I mean? Haley Stevens. That's it. We're gonna stick it to them. I buy an Allen wrench from her, but I'm not sure I vote for her.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

Parts. Parts. It's a part.

[Michael Duncan]

Brought it full circle.

[Josh Holmes]

Maybe she could Be a founding member. The parts. Show me your parts.

[John Ashbrook]

She's got enthusiasm for management potential.

[Josh Holmes]

Oh my gosh, it's fantastic. Yeah. I mean, I don't know all of it though. When you consider one party in America being subservient to is something that can be confused for Osama Bin Laden, it makes you want to drink. But if you do, you're going to need ZBiotics first. It is a game changing product that you have before a big night out that ultimately seems to alleviate all of that unnecessary problem.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

Good morning.

[Michael Duncan]

It's a prebiotic. We are big fans of it here on the Ruthless variety program, especially when we're traveling. We recently went up to that event in Pennsylvania, Senator McCormick, and we did not go without our Zebiotics because we knew we'd be having some drinks with friends. We wanted to make sure we felt good the next day. And that's not possible without ZBiotics.

[John Ashbrook]

You know, it was developed by PhD scientists and that's how you know that the product is backed by a lot of research and you know that it has been tested time and time again. And it's why we always say there's no tomorrow without Zebiotics today.

[Josh Holmes]

If you go to zbiotics.com ruthless you can get 15% off your first order. And if you have any problem at all, they refund your money, no questions asked. Remember, go to ZBiotics.com, put in the code Ruthless for 15% off your first order. I think you're going to like it. You know, it just occurred to me what a hilarious non sequitur the parts thing was at the top of the show. I'm pretty sure like 99.9% of the ball busting and hilarity that we did on the parts thing with Ashbrook was all fair.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

Like, I don't think anybody's in on that joke.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah. I don't know. He's sort of like if you ever saw the movie Aviator when the biopic. Yeah. On Howard Hughes where he kept saying, show me the blueprints, show me the blueprints, show me the blueprints. Over and because he had obsessive compulsive disorder. That's an Ashbrook when it comes to the parts.

[John Ashbrook]

You know what?

[Michael Duncan]

Whenever you talk about manufacturing, he wants to talk about the component parts. But that sort of eccentricity is what we love about him.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

Well, I appreciate that you love that about me. And I will never stop sticking up for the small manufacturers out there who are the backbone of this Country. And I literally don't care what anybody says. You know, for a very long time, the Republican Party has rolled over these

[Michael Duncan]

people just off your soapbox. He kept. He's kept preaching to us like we're somehow against the parts.

[Josh Holmes]

I don't understand.

[Michael Duncan]

We're not.

[John Ashbrook]

We're pro parts.

[Josh Holmes]

I'm pro parts. I love parts.

[John Ashbrook]

We'd love me parts. Could have fooled me. Why?

[Josh Holmes]

I always say, show me your parts. Oh, my God.

[John Ashbrook]

Think we're talking about different parts.

[Michael Duncan]

Oh,

[Josh Holmes]

screws, lug nuts, things like that.

[John Ashbrook]

It's an awful lot more that's made than just those two things.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah, no, there's no question about it. They're important components to building things. And I'm glad that we set the record straight here on the Variety program. All right, you guys want some variety?

[Michael Duncan]

Yes.

[Josh Holmes]

So we talked about this a little bit in the first segment about the. What may have. Do you still have the thing with the Schumer thing? Do you still have that when we were talking about the fart.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah, Schumer's fart.

[Josh Holmes]

It could have been a victim.

[Michael Duncan]

Schumer Shart.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah, he could have been a victim. And like, we suggested that maybe this was one piece of that Taco Bell. According to the Washington Post. So take that for what it's worth, but they say Taco Bell is under investigation for explosive diarrhea parasite outbreak.

[John Ashbrook]

You're telling me this when all the Trump administration about to say, you're telling me this for the first time.

[Josh Holmes]

So federal and state health officials are investigating whether Taco Bell restaurants played a role in one of the largest US Outbreaks of gastrointestinal illness caused by a parasite that contaminates fresh produce, according to two individuals familiar with this investigation. My wife was onto this pretty early.

[Michael Duncan]

Really?

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. Like, right away. I hadn't heard anything about it at all. But she was, like, very selective about the produce as a result of it.

[Michael Duncan]

But people are not selective at Taco Bell. They're going to be also diarrhea. Taco Bell seems like table stakes.

[Josh Holmes]

I was going to say, how do you know the difference?

[John Ashbrook]

Right?

[Michael Duncan]

I mean, they're under investigation for fulfilling the needs of their clientele.

[John Ashbrook]

Me, this seems like blame shifting.

[Michael Duncan]

Taco Bell is more effective than dox, right?

[John Ashbrook]

Dude, I feel like this is big produce. This is big produce. Saying, you know what? It's not us. It's not the lettuce. It's not the produce. Taco Bell's the problem. Washington Post, beautifully.

[Josh Holmes]

Oh, big lettuce is going after a

[Michael Duncan]

little Blame shifting the Yum brands and

[Josh Holmes]

trying to put it all on Taco Bell. Well, they did produce lettuce. It's not like Taco Bell grows the lettuce.

[John Ashbrook]

No, but they put it on every one of their products.

[Michael Duncan]

Would you say that the lettuce in a taco supreme is, like, a part of it?

[John Ashbrook]

Without a doubt.

[Michael Duncan]

Okay.

[John Ashbrook]

You know what? You know, the other thing I will say and something we've talked about for a very long time and maybe we haven't discussed here on the variety program is that your Taco Bell order when you were like, 12, 13, 15 years old is the same as it is today. So I would ask you guys, when you go to Taco Bell, what do you. What do you order?

[Josh Holmes]

I have this hilarious thing. You're 100% right on this. We've discussed it a lot.

[John Ashbrook]

No, I think this was your observation originally.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. In that there used to be, when I was growing up, a double decker taco. Now, I think that's been off the menu for some time, but a double decker is essentially a hard taco inside of a soft taco with some, like, refried bean adhesive.

[Michael Duncan]

Is that not the chalupa?

[Josh Holmes]

Now, I fried the chalupa. This is not a fried item. This is basically just a regular deal. And then they drizzle a little bit of nacho cheese.

[Michael Duncan]

Wow.

[John Ashbrook]

Over it.

[Josh Holmes]

So a double decker with nacho cheese. Multiple of those. Because you can't just have, like, one or two. You need, like, three and then a couple of soft tacos. That was always my. My. My order when I was a kid.

[Michael Duncan]

This is jogging my memory. I feel like we did talk about this on the show. My order is the three crunchy taco supremes.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

You know, supreme that has the lettuce, the sour cream.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. You had more of an appetite. I love sour cream now, but as a kid, I was not a sour cream guy, which I think is. Otherwise. That sounds like a delicious. Now, I would find it a delectable. Until the gastrointestinal.

[Michael Duncan]

It just adds a little additional flavor depth.

[John Ashbrook]

Oh, yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

To. To the crunchy taco, which can be.

[Josh Holmes]

Did you put the sauce on it? Fire sauce, yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

Okay, so I'm one of guys who did the full hinge, you know, because the tacos are constructed and, you know, with the. The meat at the bottom.

[Josh Holmes]

Yes.

[Michael Duncan]

Which produces sort of a grease which makes the hard taco rather pliant.

[Josh Holmes]

Yes.

[Michael Duncan]

You can open it all the way inside. So you just. You're not drizzling on top. You Unfold that thing like you're opening the page of a book.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

And then inside the fire sauce went.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah, okay.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

You know, I'm, I'm, I'm pleasantly surprised to hear that you like that sort of combination of flavors. Because you hate nachos so much. You've been very public about your hatred for nachos.

[Josh Holmes]

Wasn't going to say nachos.

[Michael Duncan]

Right. Because I think what.

[John Ashbrook]

But how is, how is a hard shell taco with sour cream and lettuce and hot sauce and cheese different from nachos?

[Michael Duncan]

Well, let me.

[John Ashbrook]

Nacho in a shell.

[Michael Duncan]

Let me explain that to you, you ignoramus, because when I get in a wrapper, when I get the taco from Taco Bell, all the ingredients are in the correct proportion in every single bite. Nachos are the leftover tacos from yesterday. They give to some schmuck. It's too dumb to know that's leftover taco meat. And then somebody spoons it out of the fridge and throws it on the top of your nachos and puts it in the micro microwave for 35 seconds. And then you take one chip off and that chip is delicious. That is the Nucleus chip. It's got everything on it that's always ends up on Ashbrook's plate, by the way. You gotta go first, and then you try to recreate that Nucleus chip and you got nothing else. Everything is all over the place. And nothing is proportionate. So every bite tastes like shit. That's why I hate nachos.

[Josh Holmes]

It's a well, well defended council.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah, well defended.

[Michael Duncan]

And I know I just gave him exactly what he wanted, so I'm mad.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah, well, I, I, you know, I just, I go, I like three regular old crunchy tacos with fire sauce.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah, see, we did do this on the show. You don't like the flavor?

[Josh Holmes]

No.

[John Ashbrook]

Well, he doesn't like flavor.

[Michael Duncan]

He doesn't like the sour cream.

[John Ashbrook]

I don't need the sour cream.

[Josh Holmes]

So I like, I like spice as much as the next guy. Like, I really do like spice. I found the fire. The flavor of the fire not as good as the flavor of the hot.

[John Ashbrook]

Oh, okay, okay.

[Josh Holmes]

It's the hot that doesn't bother me. It's the flavor of the old school hot that just.

[John Ashbrook]

It was very good.

[Josh Holmes]

It was great. It was great. Well, anyway, it's caused diarrhea in over

[John Ashbrook]

4,000 people again,

[Josh Holmes]

mostly in southeastern Michigan. So good luck to all of you. You've got a lot going on in that state.

[Michael Duncan]

A lot going on.

[Josh Holmes]

And a little bit of give it to you. There's a clip. This is mostly cold variety. I haven't seen it yet, but it's a Florida woman who was issued a license plate that reads squeeze ass clip 4. I open it up, and at first I didn't notice. I was more concerned about getting my sticker on.

[Michael Duncan]

I said, wait a minute, something's not right here.

[Josh Holmes]

And I looked at it and I said. Said, I don't think so. I don't think a woman that lives in a senior community that's going to be 77 years old next month will be driving around with what this plate

[Michael Duncan]

has to say, taking it out of the package.

[John Ashbrook]

Really? Really?

[Michael Duncan]

No dmv? No.

[Josh Holmes]

That's what I said when I saw that together. I. I won.

[Michael Duncan]

Ballistic.

[John Ashbrook]

My.

[Michael Duncan]

My sons both encourage me to keep

[Josh Holmes]

it instead of replacing it. Yeah, they think it's hilarious.

[Michael Duncan]

Whoever slipped this into the envelope was chuckling. Really? Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

May have been your son's.

[Josh Holmes]

Gabby's got it. She read that situation, right? Somebody was like, let me see. It's a woman of a certain age, lives in a retirement community. Let's give her squeeze ass.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

I love how she says, you know, it's uniquely inappropriate for a woman, you know, who's in her 70s, lives in a retirement community. I don't know.

[Josh Holmes]

I don't know. You read some things.

[Michael Duncan]

You read some things about the Villages. Oof.

[Josh Holmes]

If she. I. I don't know if she's from the Villages or not. But you do read some things.

[Michael Duncan]

They're very active sexually, from what I understand.

[John Ashbrook]

Horrifying.

[Michael Duncan]

There have been some outbreaks. Not diarrhea, let me tell you.

[Josh Holmes]

No clap. Filthy, dirty, disgusting. Thank you, Miss, can we get.

[John Ashbrook]

Can we just get it. Can we just get a screenshot of.

[Josh Holmes]

Of Gammy?

[John Ashbrook]

Yes. Can we please just. Can we just to her shirt? Because I wanted to read what that says. For anybody who is not on video and is audio only, she has a shirt that says, so far, this is the oldest I've ever been. Yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

Which tells us she. She has a sense of humor.

[Josh Holmes]

She does have a sense of humor.

[John Ashbrook]

She does.

[Josh Holmes]

Maybe this was all. Maybe they. Vanity played at her boys. Vanity played. Yeah, that's what happened.

[John Ashbrook]

They're like, nobod going to appreciate this more than Mom.

[Josh Holmes]

And then once the news media found out about it, they were like, well, shit, we got to keep this under wraps. They're like, no, keep it, Mom. Keep it. It's all good. I don't think the state did anything wrong here.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah. Hey, Ma, the news is calling. They want to send a camera to your house. Why don't you talk to them?

[Josh Holmes]

We should all start vanity planning each other. That would be very funny.

[John Ashbrook]

Great idea.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

Mine will say part.

[Josh Holmes]

You got P A, R, T. We need three more. Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

Parts. Exclamation. Oh, I guess you can't do an exclamation.

[Josh Holmes]

My parts. And then you put the symbol in the US Parts.

[John Ashbrook]

Yep.

[Josh Holmes]

But I. Okay. Yeah, that's.

[Michael Duncan]

That probably would U. S. Parts.

[Josh Holmes]

My parts, too.

[Michael Duncan]

My parts. He had to make it sexual. You always make it sexual.

[Josh Holmes]

That's what he want. He likes my parts.

[John Ashbrook]

I prefer us parts.

[Josh Holmes]

Our parts. Whatever. So far, this is fun time Friday. Guys, just stick with us. We'll get through this. I promise you.

[John Ashbrook]

Okay.

[Josh Holmes]

There's a black bear. Okay, so remember, Hank, years ago on the program, we did a running series almost every week about this black bear that was out on the west coast that was not only just terrifying people attacking people from time to time, but it would break into cabins, it would steal things. And we had come to then find out after the detaining of a bear.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

That it wasn't, in fact, the bear that was doing it. So he was running, like, a crime ring. This was Hank. Hank out in the west coast, and he said there was a crime ring of bears that weren't just doing, like, your regular mayhem of trash and then attacking.

[Michael Duncan]

It was organized.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

Hank was the veto corleone of the bear species 100.

[Josh Holmes]

This was a full coast of Nostra operation. And they would break into homes. We have a feeling that Hank's crew is back at work here in cliff five. That is a big black bear that is meticulously taking golf clubs off the back here. Get off my golf clubs.

[John Ashbrook]

Please, please.

[Josh Holmes]

Oh, he's ripping my back. Bear of the. A golf cart for no apparent reason. Oh, God.

[John Ashbrook]

Got it all. Bear.

[Josh Holmes]

Come on. Oh, my God. Oh, what is that guy doing that close to that bear? Oh, no. And the bear picks up the golf clubs and then just takes off. Brazen.

[John Ashbrook]

Hey.

[Josh Holmes]

Brazen attack by that. By that bear.

[John Ashbrook]

I'm with.

[Michael Duncan]

I'm with the bear.

[John Ashbrook]

Oh, okay.

[Josh Holmes]

Explain.

[Michael Duncan]

I mean, that's what happens when you bring a kind bar in your golf bag.

[Josh Holmes]

Oh.

[Michael Duncan]

Like eat a hot dog at the turn. Like a man.

[Josh Holmes]

You're subject to a food storage. Yeah, but this bear was like, I'm not gonna open the bag. I'm just gonna take the whole fucking bag.

[Michael Duncan]

Well, I think he smelled something inside.

[John Ashbrook]

I mean, it has to be plausible.

[Michael Duncan]

It's not like he's working on his short game. Okay.

[Josh Holmes]

You don't know.

[Michael Duncan]

There's clearly food in there.

[John Ashbrook]

You don't know. Because black bears are quite athletic. They. They don't necessarily attack humans in the way a brown bear does. But a black bear is fast.

[Michael Duncan]

Oh, yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

They're very, very quick.

[Josh Holmes]

They can climb.

[Michael Duncan]

Nicholas, famously known as the bear.

[John Ashbrook]

Oh, yeah. Great point.

[Josh Holmes]

That is a great point. Golden bear, though.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah. Not black bear.

[Josh Holmes]

Not black bear. But that's an interesting component to all of it. I just find it fascinating. The guy made off with the whole set and then just kind of look back and kept rolling.

[John Ashbrook]

But you know what? After all is said and done, that guy asked the bear very politely to stop. He said, please. And the animal kingdom did not respond to his politeness. The animal kingdom took what it wanted. Okay? This is why we as men need to assert dominance over the animal kingdom. At every chance we get, we have to send a message. Otherwise that sort of thing will continue to happen.

[Josh Holmes]

That bear did not fear those men.

[John Ashbrook]

No, it didn't.

[Josh Holmes]

No, it didn't. And. And. And what? Is there a remedy? Because I know that the end. If Smug was here, he would say, that's fine. Just give me the rug. Yeah, he would want the rug.

[John Ashbrook]

I think that is the remedy. You rub things. Those guys watched a perfectly fine rug walk away with their golf clubs.

[Michael Duncan]

Are you saying you would have hit it with, like, a driver? That's dangerous. That's a black.

[Josh Holmes]

I don't think you want to get that close to.

[John Ashbrook]

I don't think you need.

[Michael Duncan]

You bring a gun on the golf course?

[John Ashbrook]

Well, if it's legal, you know, it depends on. I don't. They didn't say the state where this occ. If it's legal, you know, if it's in season, you take a bear like

[Michael Duncan]

that, you better play fast. If you're the group in front. In front of John Ashbrook.

[John Ashbrook]

Wait, you're a group of bears?

[Michael Duncan]

No. If you're going to be armed on the golf course, I've seen your temper. You guys should see it. When John Ashbrook hits a bad shot shot, he turns into Chewbacca.

[John Ashbrook]

It's so funny.

[Josh Holmes]

Oh, it's so good. Okay, we got another one. There's a Vegas woman. And look, we all know Las Vegas. We've spent time in Las Vegas. You go to Las Vegas to have a good time. Nobody's ever thought of it as the spiritual capital of the world, but I think this goes a little further than most of us had thought. There's a Vegas woman, according to the Daily Mail, who's married to 14 men at once and used their cash to fund her gambling habit at the luxurious Wynn Casino. Prosecutor say so. Let me just give you a little flavor for it. A Las Vegas woman has been accused of marrying more than a dozen men and using their cash to fund her out of control gambling habit. Well, if you have an out of control gambling habit, Las Vegas is the place for you. And if you have no meaningful income, you certainly need to obtain it some way. Marrying over a dozen men seems to be the choice of Jiang Chen. Let's toss her up. So you get to take a look at her.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah. Apparently she was using the fake name Vicky Lang.

[Josh Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

When she was tricking all these men into giving her the money using a

[Josh Holmes]

fake ID under the name Vicki Lang for seven years.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

She convinced her husband to send her more than $100,000 collectively by claiming that she desperately needs to fund to help her sick relatives in China. Chen instead spent the money gambling. It doesn't really say what her game of choice was, because that is of interest.

[John Ashbrook]

It is. You know, I was wondering the same thing.

[Josh Holmes]

She's a Bacharach gal or is she, like, playing craps?

[Michael Duncan]

I've never understood people who like to play back.

[Josh Holmes]

I don't either. But there has to be some degenerate population out there, for sure.

[Michael Duncan]

In fact, I think it's probably the most degenerate gamblers who played the thing because you watch it and it lasts two seconds.

[Josh Holmes]

It doesn't seem to make a lot

[Michael Duncan]

of sense either, but you either win or lose. It's like you might as well go up and flip a coin.

[Josh Holmes]

It's like warm.

[Michael Duncan]

Do you remember that? Do you remember that in Vegas vacation when he got. He got the sock money or whatever from Uncle Eddie and his final chance to get all the money back and they go to the real rundown casino and yes, playing war and totally, you know, flip a coin and all that shit.

[John Ashbrook]

To your point about Vegas vacation, there was also a moment when he said, quiet, honey. I'm watching a video to learn how to play baccarat, okay? And so what I would suggest to this woman, because she obviously loves the game, very, very much devoted to winning in a way that I don't think many other gamblers are. And so for that, I tip the cap.

[Josh Holmes]

A commitment.

[John Ashbrook]

But what I would suggest is the time that she spent on 14 marriages. Maybe just reduce that by half or two thirds.

[Josh Holmes]

Well, she needed the funding, bud. Yeah, but if she Ran out of funding.

[John Ashbrook]

She simply spent a little bit of time watching YouTube videos.

[Josh Holmes]

Oh, she could have gotten maybe.

[John Ashbrook]

It explains very clearly how to, how to get ahead in blackjack.

[Josh Holmes]

Well, she was a bad guy. Blair's W you're saying?

[John Ashbrook]

Well, I just think uneducated and uneducated. You know, we, when we go to Vegas, pop her picks back up when we go to Vegas.

[Josh Holmes]

Who have guessed right. Well, you know, seems like she could count a card or two.

[John Ashbrook]

Well, may, maybe, but when we go to Vegas, our old friend Michael Duncan usually helps us play by the book. When we go to a blackjack table. Sometimes he'll tell you, don't hit there, hit there. Don't, don't do that. Do this.

[Michael Duncan]

Split. Double. Double.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah. And so if you have a friend who can guide you a little bit,

[Michael Duncan]

you can get ahead, particularly on the doubles.

[Josh Holmes]

Well, she was caught in a joint sting by the Las Vegas Metropolitan police Department and the department of Homeland security. Got to get the feds involved with this guy.

[John Ashbrook]

Well, with 14 marriages to goof the gambling system.

[Josh Holmes]

I wish they had a picture of the 14 dudes.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

Because then I feel like I get a full picture.

[Michael Duncan]

A lot of suckers in Vegas.

[Josh Holmes]

Right. It's not like she's your classic honeypot situation.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

Popper, pick back up.

[Michael Duncan]

I mean 14, 14 dudes.

[Josh Holmes]

I just don't see it.

[Michael Duncan]

It's.

[Josh Holmes]

I don't know. You know, I, I, maybe she could be very persuasive.

[Michael Duncan]

I saw this in the slack somebody posted in our internal slack before the production meeting. And very funny. Sarah in our office read the story and said it's nice to see women excel in male dominated fields.

[John Ashbrook]

She's so funny.

[Michael Duncan]

She very, very, she is very funny. But yeah, also one more thing about it, like 14 relationships feels like more work than just getting a job.

[Josh Holmes]

Well, and she kind of went low dollar on some of this stuff, right? She, she's married to these gentlemen and she's, she's taking them for like 20 grand a pop.

[John Ashbrook]

Okay.

[Josh Holmes]

Like you could trim down on the

[Michael Duncan]

marry five rich guys.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. Like she's got 14 guys with 100 grand. Like, I don't know. Was she bashful about the big ass? Ask. You know, you gotta, you gotta have

[John Ashbrook]

some profit sights a little higher.

[Josh Holmes]

You gotta, you know, she could have maybe had four or five.

[Michael Duncan]

Well, she is a gambler. I think maybe she just knows her table limit.

[Josh Holmes]

Oh, that's okay.

[Michael Duncan]

She's not really a looker.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

And so she's gotta go. She gotta be a volume gal.

[Josh Holmes]

Okay.

[Michael Duncan]

She's not gonna land, she's not gonna land the whales, if you know what I mean.

[Josh Holmes]

No, what. Explain. What do you do you, what do you mean, Michael?

[Michael Duncan]

Well, I'm just like, she's not, she's not going to find one billionaire to be like you. I'll be back up. Will you. She's got to be a volume gal. Yeah. You know, she's got to find a lot of lonely suckers who are willing to part with some money. They may not be the richest. Everyone, when they go and gamble needs to know what they can afford.

[Josh Holmes]

That feels right. She's, she's self aware. Yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

Okay. Well, she's also in prison and the Review journal is dutifully reported all of this stuff. They documented each and every one of these. But it is, it's, you know, it's a sad tale both for the men and for Ms. Chen, who now finds herself under federal and state authority. Michelle Obama. I haven't done anything on her for a while, but she's like in large part because like it just doesn't boil up to the attention of public consciousness anymore. But she doesn't stop talking. She does like podcasts and interviews and I mean you'd think that she was like the center. I, I don't. Her view of her place in the public conversation, I think is very different than roughly 350 million Americans.

[John Ashbrook]

No, I mean, you only need to point to the Robin Roberts interview when Barack Obama, two term president of the United States was unveiling his library. And of course everybody's making fun of the structure and everything, but it's his library and he's sitting next to her. And Robin Roberts says, Michelle Obama, describe your next two years in one word. And she replies, me?

[Josh Holmes]

Are you serious?

[John Ashbrook]

I'm dish.

[Michael Duncan]

Basically saying, I can't wait to get out of here.

[John Ashbrook]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

But it's truly remarkable if you break it down a little bit. And I understand she's a Democrat deity, right? Anything Obama, Obama administration to your hard left, they're like just unquestioned loyalty to these folks. I happen to think he's been, he was the worst president in American history. But I also happen to think that Michelle Obama had an awful lot to do with that because she seems entirely motivated by ideology and these progressive left sort of memes of what our society is really.

[Michael Duncan]

I don't know, I feel like that's performative.

[John Ashbrook]

No, I, she didn't get mad when

[Michael Duncan]

he took the Netflix deal.

[John Ashbrook]

You know, it's not like president.

[Michael Duncan]

They were like building Houses.

[John Ashbrook]

I agree with Holmes. I agree with Holmes. I think he was the worst president ever.

[Michael Duncan]

All I agree with that.

[John Ashbrook]

But the guy as President of the United States had to sneak to the balcony to smoke a cigarette so that she wouldn't see him. It's a stressful job, Democrat or Republican. And the guy had one escape and he goes out, he smokes a cigarette and she's like on him like white on rice.

[Michael Duncan]

I mean, I don't blame her for that. I blame him. He's a pussy. He should have just said, I'm the leader of the free world. I get a cigarette whenever the hell I want one. Drops the hard P. Well, I mean, am I wrong? He's got the nuclear football and he's like, sorry, I smell honey.

[John Ashbrook]

I think, what a loser.

[Josh Holmes]

I just think it's way more than that. I think that this, she is ideologically driven. I think she is a hardcore leftist.

[Michael Duncan]

Okay?

[Josh Holmes]

I think that's doesn't mean that she's not also self serving. Look, Bernie Sanders is a hardcore leftist. Doesn't mean he can't make a couple million bucks selling books and flying a private jet. Hardcore leftist only means for everyone else. It doesn't mean that you take, don't take advantage of all the trappings of being the messenger of bad news to the rest of the country.

[John Ashbrook]

Right?

[Josh Holmes]

And I think she has always kind of had that. She's always seemed sort of like committed to this much more progressive view of America than he was. And like it's boiled up. But, but the funny thing is is they all, they kind of walk away. And we've talked and joked about how Barack Obama, like there could be a dog catchers race in like Madison County. And they're like, yeah, we're in. We're gonna endorse and do a commercial for it. Yeah, they're involved in everything, everything. But she continues to do this sort of like highbrow pretend like everybody in America is waiting for what Michelle Obama, right. Wants to say about something.

[John Ashbrook]

Again, describe your next two years in one word. Me.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

Clip three like, this is politics.

[Josh Holmes]

Oh, they're coming after me because I'm useful and, and they're trying to beat my husband. So they're trying to slow me down, right? And some of those first articles, they

[Michael Duncan]

would always start, she was wearing a purple sheath and she had on this pair of shoes. It wouldn't matter what I said, Kiki.

[Josh Holmes]

The article would start with what I had on.

[Michael Duncan]

Wow.

[Josh Holmes]

And I realized, oh, this is how they do women in politics. This is how we treat, treat women in public life. We diminish them to just what they look like. So who is they here? Is that Anna Wintour, the massive supporter of Barack Obama? Is that Annie Leibowitz who did every photo I think they've ever taken? Leftist supporter. Who's the we that they're talking about here? Cuz it certainly wasn't conservative. They don't have access to, to fashion magazines.

[Michael Duncan]

Right?

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah.

[John Ashbrook]

You know, I suppose it could be those are the people she's referring to. But when I think of the Obamas, I do not think of a family that the mainstream media has treated unfairly.

[Michael Duncan]

I know, that's the thing.

[John Ashbrook]

Can you imagine they were put on a pedestal from day one.

[Josh Holmes]

And I don't think that you could ever credibly accuse the opposition to Barack Obama, Michelle Obama. Democrats in general role as fashion conscious critics. Like they're not. That's not. It was always about policy and about ideology and all that kind of stuff. What she's talking about is basically criticizing her own right. I mean if she was concerned that anybody was talking about what outfit she's wearing, I doubt she was like blaming Ben Shapiro.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Josh Holmes]

Like what is she like, what is she talking about?

[Michael Duncan]

There's two things I know about liberal women in this is going to be an extremely busy month.

[Josh Holmes]

I have to watch 104 soccer games, follow the pregame, the post game, yell useless opinions at the tv. It's a lot. So I knew that when it comes to screening for colon cancer, the choice was clear. The Cologuard plus test.

[Michael Duncan]

It can be used at home and

[Josh Holmes]

can only take 15 minutes. So I can do it during halftime

[Michael Duncan]

and not miss any action. If you are 45 or older and at average risk, ask your healthcare provider about. About screening for colon cancer with the Cologuard test. You can also request a [e-mail] they love attention and they hate accountability. So let me give her some of the latter. Michelle, they talked about your dress and your shoes because nobody fucking voted for you. Do you ever think of that? You're not the politician. You're certainly not President of the United States. Let the guy have a cigarette for Christ's sake.

[John Ashbrook]

He's pissed about this.

[Michael Duncan]

Believable. He's married to you. You, you know how stressful that is? More stressful than Putin. Just a cranky.

[John Ashbrook]

He's,

[Josh Holmes]

he's almost as worked up about that as you are about parts.

[Michael Duncan]

I, I actually, I never thought it was be possible to feel bad for Barack Obama.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah.

[Michael Duncan]

And that's what she does to me. She makes me feel bad for the dude.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah. Well, she's given us a lot to work with on that front.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah.

[Josh Holmes]

Doesn't seem like it's a wonderful situation they've got going on, but, you know, we're not there. Who knows, Maybe likes that stuff. Now, remember our question of the day. Our question of the day is give us your best DSA or UBL statement. You've got them in every single community that you. I mean, I don't care where you live in this country, you have a democratic socialist, whether they want to call themselves that or not on the ballot. And they're not only running for primary elections this year year, they're on the general election mountain. So you give us their best statements and maybe we can keep this game going. Bring out a few more UBL statements. And this could be a weekly tradition for a little while, but we need your help. So when you like and subscribe to the Ruthless Variety program, we encourage you to respond to the question of the day. And we read them all and get back to the very next episode with a little sampling of what you've come up with. With that said, it's been a hell of a week, fellas.

[John Ashbrook]

Sure have.

[Josh Holmes]

Dragging a little.

[Michael Duncan]

Yeah. I need a drink and some zebiotics.

[Josh Holmes]

Yeah, exactly. I think we did it.

[Michael Duncan]

I think so. But no smug here today. So we'll play you out with Hollywood hen.

[Josh Holmes]

Another banger of an episode, folks. So until next time, minions, keep the

[John Ashbrook]

faith, hold the line and own the libs.

[Josh Holmes]

We'll see you on Tuesday. Stay ruthless.