The Left Wants to “Decolonize” Christmas Baking - Best of Variety

Summary

Ruthless Podcast: “The Left Wants to ‘Decolonize’ Christmas Baking” — Best of Variety

Date: December 26, 2025
Hosts: Josh Holmes, Comfortably Smug, Michael Duncan, John Ashbrook (Wolf)
Theme: A lighter, holiday-themed “Best Of” episode featuring highlights from the past year and some fresh variety bits, offering irreverent, conservative analysis and plenty of laughs with the “fellas.”

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Overview

This episode of the Ruthless Podcast, airing the day after Christmas, delivers a medley of new and classic variety content. The hosts—Holmes, Smug, Duncan, and Wolf—debate and lampoon news, viral videos, and oddities of the year, satirizing progressive trends, the pains of family holidays, viral internet fights, animal hijinks, and absurd current events. The festive tone is irreverent and jocular, perfect for listeners needing laughs after intense family time.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Decolonizing Christmas Baking

• Segment Start: [03:30]
• The hosts riff on a viral TikTok of a woman making “decolonized” Christmas cookies using masa (corn flour), drawing ridicule for left-wing “decolonization” trends.
• Duncan expresses disbelief:

  “What? Dude, this is not like a joke.” [04:01]

• Smug eviscerates the concept:

  “It's entirely ahistoric... Christmas was brought to the New World by European Christians.” [04:49]

• The group mocks the contradiction of celebrating Christmas with “indigenous” recipes and the social-media “likes as family” mentality.
• Standout joke:

  “For my next trick, Easter without Jesus.” – Smug [06:48]

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2. Camels in Church: Christmas Pageantry Gone Wrong

• Segment Start: [07:07]
• Discussion of a viral video where a camel kicks a woman in church during a live Nativity scene.
• Duncan:

  “If you’re gonna bring the camels back, put a manacle on them... enough to walk but not to jump-kick people.” [08:15]

• The group jests about excessive church pageantry (flying Santas, stadium-sized nativities) and the lack of historical accuracy.
• Wolf:

  “The camels didn’t show up until like, a year later... it’s not like the three wise men were there the first night.” [09:47]

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3. Holiday Decor Fails and Kid Pranks

• Segments Start: [10:00]–[15:00]
• Laughs about a car covered in Christmas lights crashing ([10:23]), a kid rearranging garage door letters from “Merry Christmas” to “Creamy Shits” ([11:35]), and childhood prank nostalgia.
• Host reminisces:

  “We put a giant cock on the [snow sculpture]... at least a third the size of the sculpture itself.” [13:29]

• Duncan:

  “We would do stuff like this out of the joy and love of the game, because camera phones weren’t around... just for the love of the game.” [13:53]

• The hosts emphasize the timeless mischievousness of kids during holidays.

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4. Iconic Viral Debates: Gorillas vs. Men

• Segments Start: [17:52]–[26:56]
• The hosts dissect the “100 men vs. 1 gorilla” and “10,000 gorillas vs. 1 million men” debates, critiquing viral computer simulations.
• Duncan’s “team sport” analysis:

  “If everyone rushes the gorilla at once, it’s not even gonna be able to swing its hands. But you gotta get people pumped up...” [20:46]

• Wolf jokes:

  “Most gorillas have been trained for sign language... so send the guy doing sign language first to freeze it.” [21:51]

• Smug’s unique take: Deploy the lightest men via “cheerleader toss” for aerial elbow drops:

  “You’re launching humans into the air with the people’s elbow.” [25:41]

• The bit closes with escalating absurdity and wrestling references, poking fun at Reddit/YouTube culture.

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5. Rhode Island ‘Karen’ Prosecutor Meltdown

• Segment Start: [29:00]
• Viral bodycam audio of a drunk Assistant Attorney General arrested for trespassing, telling cops: “You’re going to regret this.” [30:56]
• Smug’s hot take:

  “I don’t blame these women. I blame their husbands for standing there silently. If my wife was doing that, she’d get a fireman’s carry down the block.” [33:15]

• The group satirizes the “Karen” phenomenon, hand-talking, and the likelihood she’ll spin the event for progressive sympathy (e.g., accusing “sexist, misogynist cops”).
• Host:

  “She’s gonna run through the tape and go left at defund the police.” [36:13]

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6. WaPo "Sketch Comedy" Disaster

• Segment Start: [37:34]
• Ruthless boys react to a cringeworthy Washington Post “Gen Z quirks” sketch video.
• Host analysis:

  “The Washington Post is a daycare run by Jeff Bezos where the kids light his money on fire all day long.” – Duncan [39:13]

• Smug:

  “When Smug watches a clip of journalists, he’s having Vietnam War PTSD.” [41:06]

• The segment critiques media navel-gazing and generational clichés.

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7. Animal & Public Fails

• Fighter Pilot Ejection:
  • [42:30]: Air Force releases footage of a pilot ejection gone awry.
  • Wolf:

    “Dude, that is pain. No, that guy was in pain.” [42:47]

• Small Child Tackled at Padres Game:
  • [44:05]: Crowd boos security after a kid is tackled on the field.
  • Duncan:

    “When children learn consequences, they don’t become WaPo journals.” [44:57]

• Gym Fail:
  • [45:45]: “Mom Donnie” attempts a bench press with minimal success; analogy for communism is made.

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8. ESPN’s ‘Icons’ Promo and WNBA Critique

• Segment Start: [46:13]
• Riffing on ESPN’s promotional graphic for its streaming service, which overrepresents WNBA players versus NFL/MLB athletes.
• Duncan:

  “They're trying to push the WNBA in front of what people are actually paying for.” [48:45]

• Group references comedian Shane Gillis’ ESPYs joke, and lampoon ESPN’s leftward shift.

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9. Legendary Nutshot: Little League Umpire

• Segment Start: [50:48]
• Viral video: Little League umpire gets hit in the groin three times in a row.
• Host:

  “It took the third nutshot for the crowd to acknowledge.” [52:40]

• Commentary: The hosts are in stitches, highlighting the parents’ apathy as “way to stay alive, Ryan” is shouted over the carnage.

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10. Animal News & Wild Pigs Turned Blue

• Segment Start: [54:25]
• Wild pigs in California develop bright blue skin from eating rat poison.
• Smug:

  “I call that Avatar blue.” [55:07]

• The fellas discuss hella hog hunting and wild pig recipes, with Smug detailing how he’s eaten wild hog before (not recommended for blue ones).

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11. Airport Rebel: Bread & Bourbon, Motorized Cart Rampage

• Segment Start: [57:48]
• The hosts retell airport bar stories and react to a viral clip of an intoxicated man driving an airport cart down a moving walkway.
• Duncan:

  “There’s nothing worse than airliners and airports. The way they treat people is criminal... This is why people flip out.” [60:39]

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12. "Pacifier for Adults": Absurd Trends in Mental Health

• Segment Start: [62:00]
• Final segment highlights a New York Post story about Chinese adults using pacifiers for stress relief.
• The hosts close with banter about how this year’s variety has “gone off the rails,” and appreciation for their listeners and new Fox News partnership.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Smug: “For my next trick, Easter without Jesus.” [06:48]
• Duncan: “Italians physically can’t get concussions. I’m serious. So that’s your front line, dude.” [26:17]
• Host: “We put a giant cock on the [sculpture]... authentic, huge...” [13:29]
• Duncan: “When children learn consequences, they don’t become WaPo journals.” [44:57]
• Host: “The Washington Post is a daycare run by Jeff Bezos where the kids light his money on fire all day long.” [39:13]
• Host: “Keep the faith, hold the line, and own the libs.” [63:04]

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Key Timestamps

• [03:30] — Decolonized Christmas Cookies
• [07:07] — Camel kicks churchgoer
• [10:23] — Christmas lights car crash
• [11:35] — “Creamy Shits” prank
• [17:52] — Gorillas vs. Men debate
• [29:00] — RI Deputy AG “Karen” meltdown
• [37:34] — WaPo Gen Z comedy fail
• [42:30] — Fighter pilot ejection
• [44:05] — Kid tackled at ballgame
• [45:45] — “Mom Donnie” bench press fail
• [46:13] — ESPN WNBA/Icons promo
• [50:48] — Little league umpire nutshots
• [54:25] — Blue wild pigs
• [57:48] — Airport cart chaos
• [62:00] — Adults with pacifiers story
• [63:04] — Closing/Sign-off

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Tone & Style

• Language is sarcastic, playful, sometimes crude, with a blue-collar, conservative, locker-room camaraderie.
• The hosts employ vivid imagery, quick jibes, recurring inside jokes (“for the love of the game,” “own the libs,” “Karen”/DEI workspaces) and reference both right-wing online culture and mainstream viral moments.
• The episode is self-aware, making fun even of their own nostalgia and routine.

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Why Listen?

If you missed it, this episode is a fast-paced, laugh-out-loud review of the year in viral absurdities, culture wars, and conservative male banter. From dissecting lefty TikToks to replaying America’s best holiday fails, the Ruthless crew keeps the focus on humor, relatability, and skepticism of elite narratives. The mix of fresh and “best of” bits makes it an ideal listen for decompressing after family time—or whenever you need a hearty dose of uncensored conservatism.

Transcript

[Host]

Give you a little handful of new variety, just some stories that we can laugh about. It looks terrible.

[Smug]

Terrible. It's funny and it's funny on so many levels. I think first of all what it speaks to is how just brain dead this left wing decolonization thing is.

[Wolf]

Did she miss Thanksgiving? I mean, isn't that the meal that brought us all together? The pumpkin piece, the corn, the maze as she calls it.

[Smug]

For my next trick, Easter without Jesus.

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[Host]

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please.

[Duncan]

Keep the fate, hold the line and own the libs.

[Wolf]

It's time for our main event.

[Host]

Hello, hello and welcome to Ruthless Friday program, the day after Christmas. If you're anything like us, we love our families more than anything in the world. There's nothing that we won't do for them. We've now spent a week doing it. And it's time for some laughs with the fellas. Listen, it is not to at all look down on the family experience. In fact, it's one of the favorite, my favorite times of the. I know it is for you gentlemen as well. But a man has needs and one of those needs is to have some laughs with the fellows. And so what we thought we would do here for you today, give you a little handful of new variety, just some stories that we can laugh about and then give you a look back on what we find to be some of the most hilarious variety that we've had throughout this whole year. I mean, as you all know, our listeners to this program, every program, we have a little section of variety. Some of it stands out. That's what we seek to provide here today. And we're going to make you laugh, I can promise you all that. So thank you all for joining us. Hope you had a wonderful holiday season, a wonderful Christmas. Looking forward to New Year's, you know.

[Duncan]

All that, a lot of good things to come, but also especially for the parents, you know, Christmas is mostly these days enjoyed by the kids. They get their presents. So this episode is one for you guys to enjoy. Hopefully your kids had a great one and now you just get to have a blast.

[Wolf]

That's right.

[Host]

Totally. So let's start off with a, you know, cooking and baking, very important around the holidays.

[Wolf]

Big this time of year.

[Host]

If you have a particular ideological point of view. I didn't know that that was a thing in the baking industry, but apparently there are people who have ideologies when it comes to.

[Duncan]

Are you for real?

[Host]

Yeah, apparently. Let's check out clip one.

[Guest]

I'm having a decolonized Christmas this year. Holiday treats celebrating indigenous ingredients. These griddled masa cookies are naturally gluten free, like all food was prior to colonization, because.

[Duncan]

What? Dude, this is not like a joke.

[Guest]

Corn was the staple crop of North America. And Masa, like we're using here is a form of corn flour that has undergone a process called nixtamalization, where it's combined with lime or culinary ash and it smells, nutrients become more bioavailable and it becomes more tender. Making these masa cookies sweetened with honey and finished with an agave glaze, lightly sweet and perfectly tender. In other words, the perfect Christmas cookie.

[Duncan]

Mmm.

[Wolf]

That's what the Lenape Indians were doing, making Christmas cookies just like her on TikTok.

[Host]

I bet that tastes like shit. It looks terrible.

[Smug]

It looks terrible. It's funny and it's funny on so many levels. I think first of all, what it speaks to is how. Just brain dead. This like left wing decolonization thing is.

[Wolf]

Yeah, right.

[Smug]

Because like, it's entirely ahistoric.

[Duncan]

Right.

[Smug]

Like, like Christmas was brought to the New World by European Christians.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Duncan]

They're like, you know, we need the.

[Host]

Indigenous take on this.

[Smug]

So, so what. What is. What exactly is. Is. Is Christmas in. Before the founding of the New World by European Christians, what is it? Child sacrifice and praying to the sun?

[Wolf]

You know what I mean?

[Duncan]

She's like, it's Masa from the Aztecs who sacrificed children down the stairs of the temple.

[Host]

Christmas before colonization, just in and of itself. Like, if you have even a remote understanding of history, American history and everything else, it's enough to bust a gut.

[Smug]

So you don't even have to. You don't even have to support Christopher Columbus and the exploration of the New World. You could be the furthest left person who wants to do, you know, land acknowledgments. And things like that and understand the logical insanity of what she's saying.

[Wolf]

Also, did she. Did she miss Thanksgiving? I mean, isn't that the meal that brought us all together? The pumpkin pie, the corn. The maize is. She calls it the corn, the turkey.

[Duncan]

And planting the fish with the crops, like remembering that happen.

[Wolf]

Exactly. Everybody came together and built a great country.

[Host]

Don't forget the blankets.

[Wolf]

Exactly.

[Smug]

Last thing.

[Wolf]

That's what Thanksgiving is all about.

[Duncan]

I think that's. That video is actually super instructive because, like, if she had any family or friends that tell her the cookie fucking sucks and she doesn't have those, not just because she makes shitty cookies, but because she's made this thing. Her personality of hoping, if I shoot this for TikTok, I'll get likes. And. And. And, like, those are my real friends and family. I don't need a real friend or a family because all these people on TikTok are giving me thumbs up and they've got 19 flags in their username. So those are the people that matter to me.

[Smug]

For my next trick, Easter without Jesus.

[Duncan]

Yeah.

[Host]

Oh, it's when the bunnies controls it.

[Wolf]

Fourth of July without the stars and stripes.

[Host]

It's just the dumbest thing. But the next one that we have is sort of a combination of things that we do well here on the program, which is, you know, it's a church service, clearly important this time of year. Something we all take seriously here on the Variety program, But it also involves animal fighting at some level. Check out clip two. There's camels walking into a church and.

[Duncan]

Oh, all right. Audio only. That camel just gave a kick. Was it to the face?

[Host]

Can we get it one more time? Can we get it one more time? Watch this camel. Watch this camel. So it absolutely hammered a lady in the face.

[Smug]

Oh, no.

[Host]

Yeah, yeah. Which is probably why you don't parade camels down the middle of a church.

[Wolf]

You know what aisle? That's what occurred to me. You know, listen.

[Duncan]

No, no, no, no, no. Here's the thing. You can bring animals. You can do whatever you want with animals. Humans have dominion over them.

[Wolf]

Yes.

[Duncan]

There's these things that you get where it's like a manacle, where you put it. You know, it's like a little chain for ankle, ankle, front and hind legs.

[Host]

It's a man.

[Duncan]

Because it can walk. It's enough for it to walk, but not to jump, kick people.

[Wolf]

It's a great idea.

[Host]

That is. You know what? I think that's a thoughtful addition.

[Duncan]

It's simple.

[Host]

If you're gonna bring the camels back?

[Duncan]

Yeah.

[Host]

Were you guys alarmed at all by the lack of concern?

[Duncan]

No one, like, hopped over to help out. Like, lady, you got kicked in the face by a camel. This camel ideal.

[Host]

This camel mule cancellated.

[Duncan]

You mean to call somebody and they're.

[Host]

Like, oh, geez, let's get these camels.

[Duncan]

They brought the next one, too.

[Smug]

I know.

[Duncan]

Like, maybe we can do it again. And the dude who's bringing the next camel looks at her like, watch the.

[Host]

Guy'S face right here.

[Duncan]

Yeah. He's like, that looked bad. Well, I got another camel where that came from.

[Host]

My camel doesn't do that.

[Wolf]

Wow.

[Host]

We've got another, like, I don't know, something amazing.

[Smug]

I do have to appreciate, though, a little bit of pageantry around the Christmas season, you know? That's kind of cool.

[Duncan]

Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah. But maybe not like a live Nativity.

[Smug]

You're not in favor of this?

[Duncan]

I support it. I support it.

[Wolf]

I don't dislike a live Nativity, and far be it for me to render judgment on any church, but I do think some of them go a little bit over the top. Sometimes. When you see Santa flying in from the upper deck of the gigantic sanctuary that seats 35,000 people, you're like, wait a minute.

[Smug]

They don't do that at our church.

[Wolf]

Well, it's like, well, not mine either. But there are places where they do that where the pastor just kind of like, flies in. Like, he's.

[Smug]

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying.

[Host]

Like, he's Gene Simmons.

[Wolf]

Right, right.

[Host]

I mean, Kiss concert.

[Wolf]

It does happen out there. And not for nothing, you're like, I.

[Duncan]

Showed up for church, but I'm at the Kennedy Center.

[Wolf]

Yeah. You're like, hey, not for nothing, the camels didn't show up until like, a year later, a couple years later or something like that. It's not like the three wise men weren't there the first night.

[Host]

Thank you for that smash. Just FYI, historical perspective on the camel's lack of integrity in the church. This next one, you know, everybody gets. You know, you. You decorate. Everybody likes to decorate. Well, this guy takes it a different level. Clip 3. Get the slow going. His car's entirely encapsulated by Christmas lights.

[Smug]

Immediately crashes.

[Host]

Oh, my gosh. So, yes.

[Smug]

There he goes. A little fishtail. Oh, Losing control.

[Host]

Oh, a real shame that such a genteel group of folks was just trying to celebrate the holiday.

[Duncan]

What car was that? What kind of car was that?

[Wolf]

It looked like Nissan Altima.

[Duncan]

That's like, if it's a Nissan Altima. It's like, of course those things wreck.

[Smug]

No, I was going to say it's like a Celica.

[Duncan]

Okay.

[Host]

It sounds like a total rice burner.

[Wolf]

To me, to be honest.

[Duncan]

I mean, that kind of car is just trouble. Like it's driven by a teenager or someone else who still thinks they're a teenager. And it's just like, okay, yeah, you know, they'll get like nine different wings and a fart can in the back. And yeah, the fart. This one's considered like discovered Christmas lights. And he's like, why don't I put those on my car? Because my car is my personality now and wrecking it is, of course, what was going to happen.

[Host]

What was he hoping to do there?

[Duncan]

I mean, he's wrecked everything else in his life. That's why he's driving these damn things.

[Host]

He hits a tree. Oh my God. Not great, Bob.

[Smug]

Not great.

[Host]

Not great. There's a family that decided to put a lovely light display. One of the children had other ideas. Clip four, please. Hello, son of mine.

[Duncan]

What does that say? Who the hell is Shit? Amazing.

[Host]

What you're looking at from an audio only perspective is a garage door that originally said Merry Christmas, but the letters were removable. And so the children went out. The son rearranged the letters to say creamy Shits.

[Duncan]

That's. That's hilarious.

[Host]

Can we play that one more time?

[Duncan]

Sorry, Graham.

[Host]

Let's play this one more time. You just look at her. Look how upset she is.

[Duncan]

Oh, son. Am I. What does that say?

[Wolf]

Creepy shits. I tell you guys, just when you're losing faith in tomorrow's youth, the next generation is exactly the same as we were.

[Host]

Did I ever tell you the story about when I was a kid? I was probably, I don't know, maybe a freshman in high school or eighth grade or something like that. There was a world renowned sculptor that lived at the end of the block. And he would, at the beginning of like the first big snowfall, he would go out into his front yard and create just incredible sculpted images of things. Santa Claus.

[Duncan]

I think I know where this is going with you on the neighborhood.

[Host]

All this snow. And so he did, but he did a dude. It was like, it almost looked like a David without the parts. So my friends and I snuck out one night with a bucket of water to ice. Yeah, I mean, it's like Minnesota, right? So things are like 10 degrees, 15 degrees around the holidays. And he had these lights that like shined into the sculpture. So like really a great presence. And we went and had some tools and did our own carving on it and put a giant cock on the thing that was like, at least a third the size of the sculpture itself.

[Duncan]

Like, Michelangelo didn't shy away from being anatomically correct.

[Host]

And we made it like we spent time on it. It wasn't just like a pole.

[Smug]

It's bathed in light.

[Duncan]

Yeah.

[Host]

But it looked authentically huge.

[Duncan]

You know what else is.

[Host]

But then we iced it with the bucket of water, and, well, you couldn't get it off. You could stand on the thing by.

[Smug]

The end of it.

[Duncan]

And so this is the thing. And I think this is important for, like, younger listeners to understand. That's funny. We would do stuff like this out of the joy and love of the game, because camera phones weren't around. You're not doing this to post it. No, this wasn't for the gram for thumbs up. This is for the love of the game.

[Smug]

Just for Goofs.

[Host]

Yeah, There was no. Nobody was gonna commemorate it in any real way. I remember there was a neighborhood emergency the next day when everybody walked out. And they were like, my God. Because it was graphic. We put a lot of time into it. It was graphic. Anatomically accurate in many ways, although probably larger.

[Smug]

Generous.

[Host]

Yeah, it was generous.

[Duncan]

Just for the love of the game.

[Host]

Generous. It was like a Pete north type.

[Duncan]

You know, that's.

[Smug]

It's sort of the funniest part of. Of, you know, the Christmas season is. And, you know, I'm sure my mom's listening to this, and she's horrified by this segment and everything. But, like, when you're a kid, we can't help. Especially young boys. We can't help it. I know moms, grandmas. You work really hard around the Christmas season to make everything perfect.

[Host]

Yep.

[Smug]

It goes back to the creamy shits thing. It's like, when you're a kid, sometimes you just gotta do a couple of goofs.

[Wolf]

You do.

[Smug]

Despite all of the hard work, you gotta. You gotta leave your own mark on the holiday season with something incredibly juvenile.

[Wolf]

You know, the mom is gonna react. You know her.

[Smug]

That's the payoff.

[Wolf]

You know, her neighbor is gonna call her. The reaction is, that's the entire point.

[Host]

And you can watch your dad sitting in the living room, just, like, chuckling over his breath, being like, I hope I don't have to enforce anything on this. Cause it was well done. Yeah, it was. Well, I remember my dad laughing his ass off. He was like, did you see that at the end of the block? And I look at him, I'm like, I did he goes, you son of a bitch.

[Duncan]

Like I did. Amazing. Amazing.

[Host]

He knew damn well where it came from. There was only a couple of kids that had that in them in my little neighborhood. Anyway.

[Wolf]

Just good clean fun.

[Host]

Yep. So there's some variety up the top. Listen, we consider ourselves the preeminent variety program. And what that means is over the course of the year that you compile a whole bunch of moments, shall we say, that I don't think any of us can forget. And I imagine many of you can't either. But we want to relive moments through that. So when you come back, it's the best yucks of variety right after this.

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[Host]

All right, so we got to get to some more variety. You guys will absolutely love this. We have not seen it yet, but there's a big debate going on in the Internet. You may have seen it about how many gorillas it would take to defeat a man. We've talked about this a lot. You don't fuck with monkeys. You just don't do it. These are like strong.

[Duncan]

I think people know like monkeys. Like your orangutans are such are like 95% muscle, like 5% body parts and such, you know, like they're up there. They're shredded. They are shredded and they've got six times the strength of an Average human. They look chimpanzees do.

[Wolf]

I'm not sold. Small brains.

[Host]

Okay, well, you're going to. Apparently we've got clips. Can we play clips five. And this is a simulation of 100 men fighting one gorilla. Clip five. No. Oh, it's moving, though.

[Duncan]

And they're playing Donkey Kong country music.

[Host]

Dude, it's got. It's got good, bro.

[Duncan]

What taste.

[Host]

Oh, do you see the overhand right on that thing?

[Smug]

Yeah, that's an ender right there.

[Host]

Do you catch one of those? To the drill.

[Wolf]

I don't believe this simulation. Everybody's just standing there watching. You gotta use your numbers.

[Duncan]

See, that's the thing is, like, the guys in the back, like, what are you doing?

[Host]

So for those of you who are audio only, listeners, this is a simulation of a gorilla fighting 100 men. And the men are all kind of running around, but this gorilla is systematically. Oh, my God, that guy flew like 50 yards.

[Duncan]

Like, that's what I don't get. The simulation's trying to make it, like, a fair fight. Oh, did you.

[Host]

He just tossed that dude. I mean, the number of overhand rights that have gone into. I mean, it's clearly a right hand dominant gorilla. Oh, it took three out and one right.

[Wolf]

And no, like.

[Host]

Oh, the last guy got it right to the mug. Oh, he's got more, though.

[Wolf]

More. And. And none of them are, like, hitting the gorilla from behind.

[Host]

Nobody's on the back of the thing.

[Wolf]

I don't believe this.

[Duncan]

So. So I think this is the simulation first off, you know, like, it's been raging on the Internet. The hundred men versus one gorilla. Question. I think it is. In that movie Sinners, there's a scene about this or whatever. These simulations don't work because it shows essentially the people rolling up, like one, maybe two at a time.

[Host]

When did you see him seek out the last guy?

[Duncan]

Bro? He even got some airtime on that. He did a jump drop.

[Smug]

Yeah. So that's. That's my problem with this, is it's like a Jackie Chan movie where all of the bad guys line up one at a time to fight Jackie Chan.

[Duncan]

Yeah.

[Smug]

And like, that's not actually how this would happen. The men would work together.

[Host]

Bad simulation.

[Smug]

Bad simulation. We would form some sort of circle around. We would enclose this.

[Host]

Let me ask you, I mean, just on the premise, because we've got more here. On the premise of 100 Men and One Gorilla, you're convinced that with the.

[Smug]

Right strategic training, men would win?

[Wolf]

Without question.

[Duncan]

And, like, when I thought about this, like, 100%. Like, you know, if this is, like, in Gladiator or something where you're, like, all in the pen right before they let you into the Coliseum or whatever, I'm trying to pep talk the guys of being like, listen, you don't have anything to worry about.

[Smug]

Strength and honor.

[Duncan]

If everyone rushes the gorilla at once, it's not even going to be able to swing its hands. But it takes, like, all of us rushing at once.

[Host]

And then you go to the back.

[Duncan]

So then I can, like, chill in the back and make sure. Because if you let the gorilla start swinging, a lot of people start losing heart. You know, they see, like, some dude just got his head caved in. A lot of people aren't doing the rush. But it's like, guys, the plan is we have to rush. You gotta keep going in. You can't kill all of us as long as it's all of us, you know? But you gotta. You have to get people pumped up enough that they're, like, right off the bat. Because if the rush falls apart, that's when you see what happens.

[Host]

A real team sport guy right there.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[Duncan]

Well, you have to inspire.

[Host]

You know, I think there's no question, first of all, 10 of 10 take. But I think there's no question here. The first guy to encounter the gorilla is not coming home.

[Wolf]

Maybe it depends on how he.

[Duncan]

But you're looking for your knucklehead. You're scouting him out. You're like, you. You right here with me. We're gonna be the first in there. I'm gonna make sure Smash G goes for you. I know you go for it.

[Wolf]

Nope. It depends on how the guy approaches. Most gorillas like this have been trained for sign language by women at zoos. So if the guy walks up and starts doing sign language, it freezes the gorilla. It thinks it's wrong.

[Host]

You think?

[Wolf]

So all the other guys bum rush and take him out. Nobody gets hurt.

[Duncan]

That's a wild gambit. That's wild to be like, I'm gambling on this. Dude has learned sign language.

[Smug]

I have a pretty formulated opinion on this. I have a pretty formulated op to watch the other simulation we have as well, before I give my take.

[Host]

Okay, let's watch the second one.

[Duncan]

This is 10,000 gorillas versus 1 million men.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Smug]

Wow. Okay.

[Duncan]

So I'll be honest. I've seen a bunch of these, you know, like, you name the situation. If it was like, could one team of Navy SEALS defeat? Yeah, you know?

[Host]

Oh, my God. They're like. It's like a Like a Braveheart like scene where the 10,000 gorillas are running and the. Oh my God.

[Smug]

Yeah. The men are flying in the air.

[Host]

Every man is 50ft in the air. Oh, this is a real bloodbath, folks. You wouldn't want to. I mean, this is tough. You can't show the kids, I can tell you that much.

[Duncan]

And see, this is where the coaching is more important than ever.

[Wolf]

Right?

[Duncan]

Because this is when you got to get the fuck. You got to get the. Get the block.

[Host]

Hold on, the minute there are some. There is some strategy here. They're circling. They're circling. Unclear of whether they can formulate a circle completely around because look at the.

[Smug]

I mean the men are still flying in the air.

[Host]

They're losing a lot of people here. They're losing a lot of people.

[Duncan]

I honestly think the odds are far worse when It's. When it's 10,000 versus a million than 100 to 1. I think it's far worse.

[Host]

Is that right? Because it's easier to organize.

[Duncan]

Because I think there's a lot more opportunity for people to lose heart, you know, like you gotta convince the dudes.

[Host]

You're gonna see the first four lines.

[Duncan]

Go down, the knuckleheads. You gotta get your guys, your Italians, whatever, for the front line to go in there, make the sacrifice. But you're dumb.

[Wolf]

One down, you're dumb if you show up empty handed. Every guy should have a banana injected with antifreeze. You throw it at the gorilla, it's gonna eat it, it's gonna pass out.

[Smug]

Okay, well, that feels like cheating.

[Wolf]

I don't think you're allowed juicing your head. This is a hand in your head which a gorilla can't do.

[Duncan]

I would never do a 10,000 to a million. Like, I think a million people would lose 10 gorillas. I think 100 men could defeat one.

[Smug]

Yeah. So I've got a strategy here. I'd love your guys thoughts on that.

[Host]

Is it anything to do with Dian Fossey? As our colleague has discussed, the woman who used to do sign language to gorillas in Africa.

[Smug]

It doesn't.

[Duncan]

That's a traitor to the human species.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Wolf]

So what I would do, find the gorilla, probably from a zoo.

[Smug]

I would do the circle. Right, the circle around at a safe distance from the gorilla.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Smug]

With the hundred men. But the attack is going to come from behind. We're going to have some guy who's going to be goading the gorilla. But what if they're missing his attention? What do you mean?

[Wolf]

How are they?

[Host]

What if they go by the one gorilla. What if they go back to back? Oh, you mean the.

[Smug]

Just one gorilla versus the other versus the hundred.

[Host]

I gotcha, right?

[Smug]

And then I'm gonna find, you know, some guys, the sturdiest guys, the biggest guys, the offensive linemen. And you would think, like, I'm gonna use them, one of them gets the ground to attack the gorilla, but I'm not. What I'm doing is I'm finding the lightest guys, and those guys are going to toss them in the air like a cheerleader, and they're gonna come from the top, down from behind the gorilla, from the air.

[Host]

Elbow drop.

[Duncan]

That's so risky.

[Smug]

With elbow drops onto the head of this gorilla.

[Duncan]

That's so wild and risky.

[Smug]

No, you do that. You in. In doing so, you're attacking the greatest strength of the gorilla, and that is the shoulder and head area.

[Host]

And while you got a thoughtful take.

[Smug]

I think if you go that way, you could incapacitate the gorilla before the fight even.

[Host]

Wow. So you're launching humans into the air.

[Smug]

Into the air with the people's elbow.

[Host]

With a Jimmy Superfly Snuka off the top rope.

[Duncan]

Was that Randy Savage's move or was that leg drop? No, leg drop was Hogan. I think Randy Savage was the elbow drop.

[Wolf]

A lot of people used it because it worked.

[Host]

Do not erase Jimmy Superfly Snuka, who invented the top rope, and that's the elbow drop.

[Duncan]

I think that was before my time for the boomers. You might know that I'm a Randy Savage guy.

[Host]

If you're a wrestling guy, you know what you're talking about here. But that, I mean, it's an interesting thing. My thought is that it doesn't take a whole lot of lateral movement for the gorilla to pop you back into the air like a Mike Trout fly ball.

[Duncan]

That seems so risky. I really think you gotta find the 10 Italians. You gotta get the 10 of them. And the thing is that, like, Italians physically can't get concussions. Like, I've heard a lot about this. I'm serious. I've heard this. They're, like, impervious to concussions. So that's your front line, dude. You get me 10 good Italians, and I can beat any gorilla on this planet.

[Wolf]

And they probably have a chain. They can use that chain.

[Host]

The best part is that Smug has inserted himself in this situation only as a strategic advisor. He's to the 99 that are going to be fighting.

[Smug]

He's like the foreman on the job site. Everybody else has to do the hard work and he sits back.

[Host]

It's so true. If we ever do this spaghetti, you're gonna have to take a sick day because it feels like you're gonna be on the front line of that situation. All right, So, I mean, look, it's just like 10 of 10 variety stuff. I love it. I love it. You're gonna get more right after this. But while you're enjoying the variety, what I hope you're doing with this time off is also enjoying yourself a little bit. I know we are. But in order to be fully prepared, you need to take some Zbiotics.

[Duncan]

That's right, Friend of the program, Zbiotics right there on your screen. Before you drink, you drink a zebiotic. At this point, hopefully, if you've gotten nothing else from us, it's learning this simple fact because very simply, it works. If you've learned nothing else, it actually works.

[Host]

If we've done nothing but pollute the discourse, what you've learned from Zebiotics is probably enough. Yeah, that's right. It's the first pre alcohol drink. It works. We know you've heard us talk about it before. It's fantastic. Scientifically engineered. Right, old man?

[Smug]

That's right. Everybody thinks when you don't feel good after a big night, it's because you're dehydrated. But the reality is that when alcohol is broken down in your stomach, it produces this toxic byproduct. And Zbiotics knocks that right out.

[Wolf]

Yeah, you know, it does work. And that's why we always say there is no tomorrow without Zebiotics today.

[Host]

That's exactly right. And when you hear from the voice, he means it. You go to zbiotics.com ruthless to learn more. You get 15% off your first order. And when you use Ruthless at the checkout, you get that discount. And believe me, you're gonna want it because you're gonna want to stock up. Yeah, you're gonna want to stock up. Zbionics is backed by 100% money back guarantee. So if you're unsatisfied for any reason at all to refund your money, that's not going to be necessary. Trust us. That's fantastic. You gotta head to zebiotics.com ruthless and use the Ruthless code at the checkout for 15% off. Thank you for a year of fun with Zebiotics.

[Wolf]

You know, New Year's Eve is right around the corner.

[Duncan]

That's right.

[Wolf]

So today is the day you gotta buy, stock up.

[Host]

That's exactly right. They can get it right to your door, no problem. Let's get back to that variety. All right. So, in case you haven't seen this, you're in for a treat. According to ap, the road, it's Rhode Island. I think I mistakenly said it was Delaware before Rhode Island. Prosecuted under review after warning. You're gonna regret this during an arrest. Now, that's not. You know, that doesn't come with a lot of surprise. If you're a Democrat anywhere in a blue state, you're above the law. And you've thought that for quite some time. And so this is frequently the response that they get to anything like this. But not quite like this. This lady's terrible. So Rhode island prosecutors under review after police body camera footage recorded her warning officers, you're gonna regret this. While she was arrested, Devin Flanagan, a special assistant attorney, arrested outside a restaurant by Newport police Aug. 14 for trespassing, according to law enforcement. Please tell me we have the video of this.

[Smug]

Yes.

[Host]

Let's see it. You guys just want to know, do.

[Duncan]

You want them trespass?

[Smug]

Anything we can do Trespass? Yeah, I just need.

[Duncan]

Trespass. Get a.

[Smug]

Please, please.

[Host]

No, I'm not. There she is. Look at the hand.

[Duncan]

You're trespass.

[Smug]

So we got to leave now.

[Duncan]

If I ask you to turn off.

[Guest]

The body cam, you have to turn it off.

[Host]

And that's your protocol?

[Guest]

She's a lawyer, so she knows.

[Host]

Oh, well, that's lawyer stuff, so.

[Duncan]

That's not true. So we got to go.

[Guest]

No, it is.

[Duncan]

That's. That's law. I'm an aging.

[Host]

Look at that.

[Duncan]

Good for you. I don't give a. Let's go.

[Smug]

Hell, yes, we're leaving.

[Guest]

Please don't put your hands on us.

[Host]

Okay, well, now it's going to go the hard way.

[Ad]

Just need to take.

[Duncan]

I'm an ag. I'm an ag.

[Host]

I'm an ag.

[Duncan]

This is what I voted for. Let's go. Do it, buddy.

[Guest]

You're going to regret this. Yeah, you're going to regret it.

[Host]

Not as much as wearing that skirt suit.

[Duncan]

Your friend is feral, bro.

[Wolf]

What's with the screaming?

[Host]

Oh, my God.

[Wolf]

You're sitting in the back of a Ford Explorer.

[Duncan]

So this is screaming. I mean, it's like. Like, at what point do you think that you screaming and kicking the door is gonna get you out of this? Like, you've gotten yourself into a situation where you thought. You thought that. Oh, you know I'm an ag.

[Smug]

Yeah. Rules don't apply to me.

[Duncan]

Yeah, Me and my friend here are white girl wasted out of our minds. And I see the people at the restaurant are like, please, God, just get them out of here. But no.

[Host]

Wouldn't you love to know. What is unclear about the story at this point is what preceded all of this. Can you imagine? Like, they are white girl wasted. No question about it. It happens from time to time. In fact, I encourage it on some occasions. But I will say, like, what did they have to do in a local restaurant to be. Specifically. One, the police were called because of them. But second, the maitre d or whatever the outfit is, it's like, he was.

[Duncan]

Like, putting his hands together. He was like, please, please, get them out of here. Just get them out of here.

[Host]

Can you imagine? Like, they had to have thrown just an incredible scene.

[Duncan]

Then when the camera goes to them, within half a second, the energy off of them, you know exactly why they gotta go. They're like, get your hands off me. The hand talk.

[Smug]

You mentioned it, Holmes. The hand talking. The hand talking.

[Host]

This is. You get this. You get this in two places, right? You get the. For those of you who are listening to this, you can't see what I'm doing with my hand, but you get it in two places. You get in hierarchical DEI, corporate workspaces. You get it in HR of, like, Fortune 50s. And you look at it, dude.

[Duncan]

There it is. Yeah.

[Host]

Or you get it in entitled white women.

[Smug]

Karen's.

[Host]

Karen, this is.

[Duncan]

Dude, this is a pure. This is. Karen's. In the wild. We observe them in their.

[Smug]

I don't even. I don't blame these women. This is my controversial.

[Host]

Oh, you're gonna take. You're gonna take their side? I'd like to hear it.

[Smug]

I'm not taking their.

[Duncan]

Duncan always takes a side of crazy lips.

[Smug]

You know, I don't. I don't blame these women.

[Host]

Let's hear it.

[Smug]

I blame their husbands.

[Wolf]

Oh.

[Smug]

For standing there silently. If my wife was doing that, she'd get a fireman's carry down the block.

[Host]

For sure.

[Smug]

Down the block. We're just gonna. We're gonna diffuse this situation. And you're just.

[Host]

I got it.

[Smug]

We're going home.

[Host]

I got it, officer.

[Smug]

We're going home.

[Host]

No, it would be very quick. I got it, officer. Yeah, don't you worry.

[Duncan]

I got it.

[Smug]

Absolutely. 100.

[Host]

And the cop would be like, thank you for not making this a scene. Yes, but. And by the way, that's the only thing they were trying to do. Like, this thing started escalating when they're like, look, just leave.

[Smug]

Just walk away.

[Host]

And they're like, no.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[Duncan]

So no. When I saw that. When I saw that. I was like, no, no.

[Wolf]

And then we will not leave.

[Host]

This is the law. And then the same thing that you get when they talk about they're doing.

[Smug]

Cirque du Soleil with their hands.

[Ad]

Yeah.

[Host]

And it's like, we're gonna duck dance. We're gonna circle back and talk about safe spaces.

[Duncan]

I. I just. I wish that, like, the rules of engagement would have allowed tasers there, because that could have gone to 11 in terms of entertainment. Like, especially when. When the one. The. Her friend went feral in the back seat and wasn't letting him close the door. It's like, I was. When I was watching, I was like, taste Taser.

[Host]

Taser. I thought maybe just a good old fashioned hog tie would have done it too. Also, she has to have. And I mentioned this too, she has to have deep regrets about the skirt suit if she's gonna get thrown in the back of the cop car. I feel like her constituents saw a little bit more than they wanted to. I'm just saying. What, you didn't see it?

[Duncan]

Taser.

[Host]

You guys act like you didn't see it. I mean, like, her constituents.

[Smug]

I'm just saying our Friday episodes are the best.

[Host]

Yeah, he acted. Everybody acts like I'm the only one that you saw it. I'm just the only one with the.

[Smug]

Courage to say it.

[Host]

All right. Anyway, she's off to the brig. We'll follow up and see what happens to her. Some kind of disorderly conduct and trespassing, it seems like. That's right.

[Duncan]

Resisting arrest has to be thrown in Alligator Alcatraz.

[Host]

Oh, yeah. I'd like to see, though.

[Duncan]

I want to see how she fares there.

[Host]

The other piece that we joke around with is, like, because we've done a lot of PR for all kinds of different politicians who've been in all sorts of, like, issues. And you get piloted into somebody who's got a problem and you gotta figure out how to get them out of it. And like, there's a step. Process. What. What's her thing? Like, she's gonna have to reappear at some point. She's a deputy ag. I don't know if she's been fired. Seems like she's probably still there. But she wants something.

[Duncan]

She might get promoted. Rhode Island.

[Host]

Yeah. Well, she wants some kind of a career, obviously. And this is now out there. It's like, like it's gonna be a big deal. She's gonna have to try to, like, work through that and, like, have a new public presentation. Is it AA Found God. AA and found God? Or does she just, like, run through the tape and keep going straight left at, like, defund the police?

[Duncan]

I think you're thinking of, like, what a conservative elected would do of, like, trying to express remorse and correct your behavior. But, like, no, for the left. They never apologize or back down. They run through the tape.

[Host]

Do you think she's a defund the police thing after this? Totally. It's their fault, 100%. She had 100 glasses of Chardonnay.

[Duncan]

She'll say that they were assaulted a cop. That they were sexist and misogynist. That's what she's gonna say.

[Host]

Sexist, misogynist.

[Duncan]

Yeah, totally.

[Host]

Yep, yep. With the full.

[Smug]

I think she's gonna be.

[Duncan]

She's like, I was trying to practice sign language with my friend and help people.

[Smug]

It's Rhode Island. There's only 10 people that live there. She's the lawyer. She's the lawyer. She's going to be the ag.

[Host]

You people in Rhode island are so underrepresented, I feel, you know, it's such a tiny state. Everybody gets, you know, because of its land mass or whatever. Everybody just, like, dunks on Rhode island. But, like, you know, it's a pretty place. There's, like, good stuff there. And then you see with this. This is what you send people.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[Host]

Like, this is the representation.

[Smug]

I think the mob needs to take control of Providence again. We need Patriarcha back.

[Duncan]

That's. That's not a bad idea, honestly.

[Host]

Yeah, that's a good call, buddy. Yeah, get Buddy Cianci back on the cage. Okay, so the Washington Post. We're gonna move on. Desperate for relevance, it tries its hand at sketch comedy. Boys, boys.

[Wolf]

I have not seen these videos. I wanted to wait to see him in real time.

[Host]

This is a Friday, boys. This is unbelievable. Can we put up clips of six, please?

[Guest]

Me to work with you on Genc.

[Duncan]

Quirks.

[Guest]

Like what Quirks? What quirks?

[Host]

Oh, my God.

[Smug]

What is this?

[Host]

It's so far unwatchable.

[Guest]

Abigail. Abigail. We need to discuss the project.

[Duncan]

Abigail.

[Smug]

The Gen Z stair.

[Guest]

Oh, my God, it's been such a long day. So bad lately. You drive. You're so brave to even do that.

[Duncan]

Queen. Yeah, I'm just checking the bus times.

[Guest]

I personally take the scooter. Oh, I think my Uber's here.

[Smug]

Oh, my God, that's horrible.

[Duncan]

I don't think that's a Gen Z thing. I think that's just bad people that watch those as well.

[Host]

Hold on. For an audio only audience.

[Wolf]

That was comedy. And you have to think we have to provide some context here because the Washington Post is a newspaper owned by one of the wealthiest men on the planet, Jeff Bezos. And he has unlimited resources. And what the management under his new leadership has determined is Glenn Kessler should be out. And we can't pay him, but we're gonna pay them to do comedy.

[Duncan]

So let me actually translate and tell the truth on that statement. So the Washington Post is a daycare run by Jeff Bezos where the kids light his money on fire all day long. Do you think that this is what.

[Host]

You guys has even stepped foot in that joint?

[Duncan]

No.

[Host]

I bet he forgot he bought you look at the management career of him and what he built with Amazon and all space stuff and all these other things that he like strikes me as a guy with some attention to detail. This is a publication, dude.

[Duncan]

Bezos is on a yacht off Italy with his wife who he sends up in rockets. And like this is what's going on to his paper. It's why they've had. How many journals have left this place this year?

[Wolf]

All of them.

[Duncan]

I mean like pages. Yeah, I mean it's. This is what you're left with is. So if we want to talk about a real problem. So this is a lib brain thing where libs are afraid of everything. Like they said that Gen Z is afraid of driving cars. No. No. So there's this part of the country called 99% and it's outside of the Acela corridor and people drive cars and live normal lives. It's just that you are so self absorbed with your little circle of losers who decided to move to D.C. and become journos when all you're doing is these like pathetic little tiktoks of like all my friends are idiots. Can you relate.

[Host]

Dude? The funniest part about Smugs, it's gotten progressively more aggressive over the last, the last couple of weeks. It's delved into the psychology of like the younger generation who become journalists and who they are.

[Smug]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host]

It's gotten.

[Duncan]

The youth of this country are wonderful. It's just that like the tiny percent who live in D.C. and in New York try to be like we are emblematic of our entire generation. No, this is the generation that's getting more conservative that voted Donald Trump into office. They're wonderful. This is not a Gen Z.

[Host]

No, you're just terrible.

[Duncan]

This is a stupid lib expectation.

[Smug]

You are right though, Holmes. Like when Smug watches a clip of journalists, he's like having this Vietnam War like PTSD in his head in like adagio for street ring starts to play in his head.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Smug]

But then he sees, like, I'm gonna freak out.

[Host]

He sees, like, children covered in napalm. It's.

[Duncan]

I can't. I can't hide it anymore.

[Host]

It's gotten really hot.

[Duncan]

It's gotten tough. I need to get better at masking it again. Like, my contempt for these animals. They're so bad.

[Host]

So the whole context of that. They put it on their video description was Gen Z. Quirks.

[Duncan]

No.

[Host]

Are they real? Like, I don't even know what the.

[Duncan]

Anyway, stupid.

[Host]

That's what the publication of record. You know, somebody's gonna end up buying the masthead, the Washington Post masthead for like 40 bucks because they're gonna run that thing right now.

[Duncan]

I hope it's one of those private prisons.

[Host]

Fantastic.

[Duncan]

We're just gonna keep the doors locked. After everyone's here.

[Host]

They'Re just called the private prison the Washington Post. That seems right.

[Smug]

They just come into every office and they put bars on the front and they're like, now you're.

[Duncan]

If they put cameras of that, I would watch those vignettes, dude. I'd pay for that.

[Host]

All right, so couple more things, I think. Look, Air Force released footage of a passenger. We did that one.

[Smug]

Yeah. There's a new video, but they just.

[Host]

We have a different look at it.

[Ad]

Yeah.

[Host]

Where Recall in the previous one, we talked about how he ejected and it was just the plane coming back. We actually see the injection. Can we put that one up? There he is. Oh, there he goes. Right on the Runway.

[Wolf]

Dude, that is pain. No, no, that guy was in pain.

[Duncan]

No, I don't think so. I honestly. So I thought that he was the dude. It was. It was the, like, the bubble that went flying in the canopy. I thought that was. Yeah, the canopy. I thought it was. That was the dude. But no, no, the dude had a parachute. That actually looks kind of fun. Watch. Here, let me see it again. See, I thought, oh, no. But he's fine.

[Wolf]

The parachute barely opened.

[Duncan]

This looks fun.

[Wolf]

It might as fun.

[Host]

I think he just got shot 50ft in the air and, like, barely had a parachute open.

[Wolf]

Right.

[Duncan]

Even though it's made by, like, Lockheed or Boeing. One of these, like, second rate money all day long. I bet it was still somewhat safe.

[Smug]

I think the worst part about this, I was talking to Lee about it is this wasn't some, like, tourist on a JoyRide in an F15. This guy is an actual Navy recruiter and he, like, re. Re.

[Duncan]

Re.

[Smug]

Upped to be enlisted. And part of the incentive Program was.

[Host]

You could go back up that you.

[Smug]

Yeah, you could. You could be riding the back of an F15. So, like, he's not like, he'll be the last.

[Host]

Well, right. He'll be the last. But I'm saying it's not.

[Smug]

He's not like some civilian on a joyride here.

[Host]

Now, are you sure he'll be the last guy that's afforded the right to eject out of the F15?

[Duncan]

It looks so fun, dude. It looks fun. I gotta be honest. That looks fun and safe and cool.

[Host]

Last thing we've got for you here in this section, security, they bodied a small child who ran out of the field at the Padres game. You know you like to keep things tidy. You know, you don't want any threat to the players. Clip 10, please. There's a kid running around. Oh, got him.

[Smug]

No, got him.

[Host]

Boo.

[Smug]

The crowd.

[Host]

Just recaps.

[Smug]

The crowd immediately turns on them.

[Duncan]

Why are you booing him? Is right.

[Wolf]

It's a child of Padres fans.

[Duncan]

Because it's a child. And children learn lessons when they do the wrong thing. You should get a parade. Congrats. You jumped on the field. You know it's wrong because you're running from security. Let's give you a parade. Let's teach kids to break the rules so we can get more Washington Post reporters.

[Smug]

Perfect. Take.

[Duncan]

When children learn consequences, they don't become WaPo journals. That kid's not going to become WaPo journal. He probably learned something important that day. Don't act a fool.

[Host]

Parenting advice here from the Ruthless Variety Program. Thank you. Smug as always. Clip 5. We've got mom Donnie. You guys have seen this before, but we gotta. Wait. You gotta hear the fellas talk about this. This is Mom Donnie. He thinks that he can bench press, right? And it is very much a mystery to us. I mean, you take one look at this guy, you know he's not going to be able to bench press anything. But he decides to go out in front of a crowd of people and try to do two reps of 135 pounds. It doesn't go well. Clip five, please. Yeah. Let's go.

[Duncan]

Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.

[Host]

I mean, this guy's just lifting the bar.

[Wolf]

No, this is.

[Host]

Dude.

[Wolf]

It'S incredible. I mean, it's exactly like the spotter did all of the lifting. And nothing is a perfect metaphor for Mamdani Communism quite like that. That somebody else does the work and Mom Donnie takes the credit.

[Duncan]

There it is. That's the take.

[Host]

It's so good. It's just perfect. All right, so ESPN boys, this outfit, you know, they're trying to do everything they can to sort of correct the direction that they were headed over the last couple of years. Remember the Jamel Hill. And like, they just basically perverted everything that they'd done as being the worldwide leader in sports.

[Duncan]

It's the worst network on television, but.

[Host]

They still can't totally shake it.

[Duncan]

Right.

[Host]

So this is according to Outkick. ESPN deletes graphic promoting WNBA players Monica McNutt over Scotty Scheffler after Outkick post. Here's that headline. Doesn't actually do this justice. So what this was was a. A promotional graphic that was to promote its newly launched direct to consumer service. And it highlighted icons featured in the ad. Right? All the Ika sports icons.

[Duncan]

That's the quote. It says all the icons, all the moments, all the espn all in one place.

[Host]

Yeah. So what they did is put up the following graphic. Okay, so you're probably not. Even if you're not on YouTube, we're going to explain this to you because if you are on YouTube, you can see it. The bottom line is these are the icons that ESPN has. Has put on. All the icons.

[Duncan]

Yeah. To them, this is sports.

[Host]

It's like a collage of faces of supposedly recognizable sports figures who are supposed to be like, the faces of sports today. It includes 11 WNBA players, 10, but only 10 NFL players, and five college football players.

[Duncan]

No Scotty Scheffler either.

[Host]

Icons of sports. There's no Tiger woods on there.

[Duncan]

There's.

[Host]

I mean, and. And like, I was confused because I was trying to figure out. I was like, all right, icons. Is this, like, are we talking about generationally icon? Like, it was Tom Brady or whatever. And then it looks like, okay, they're trying to be, like, contemporary with it, Right? So it's not like retired athletes or whatever. So you're like, well, clearly like Scotty Scheffler.

[Duncan]

And they even had Monica McNutt on there as iconic. And she's the lady who a week ago couldn't recognize a Barry Sanders jersey.

[Wolf]

Are you kidding?

[Duncan]

Dead serious. She's up there. She's up there.

[Host]

But, dude, I mean, you look at this thing, it's just like, that's the thing.

[Duncan]

ESPN is failing for a reason. It's because they're trying to push the WNBA in front of what people are actually paying for. Let's be honest. Everyone's just paying for, like, NFL access. And the bastards ran off with the NFL Red Zone. I'll never forgive them for that.

[Host]

Well, they're working on Major League Baseball, too. I mean, the thing is, is I understand how they're trying to resurrect their brand, and then they go ahead and do something like this, and it's like, dude, nowhere in America other than somebody who covers the WNBA or plays in the WNBA knows the names of 11 WNBA players. Nobody, right? And I'm not being hyperbolic. I'm not trying to.

[Duncan]

It's like, what's his name, that comedian at the SB Awards?

[Host]

Shane Gillis.

[Duncan]

Yeah. Shane Gillis is like, yeah. I want to give a shout out to my friend's buddy. He's married to a WNB player. Everyone please applaud. They all applauded for her. And he was like, she's not a WNB player, dude. Like, what are you talking about? No one here knows WNB player. Like, no one outside of, like, three journalists who write about the wnba. Know anyone in the wnba?

[Host]

They should have had a green dildo in there, right?

[Duncan]

That's a sports icon.

[Host]

That would have been much more iconic.

[Duncan]

That's the one WNBA icon.

[Host]

So Wolf set something up in what he calls cold variety, and he does this occasionally. If something. He just wants her reaction to what I ferreted out is that this is a clip that I have watched 300 times over the last 48 hours and sent it to basically everyone that I have in my Rolodex because I cannot stop. It is a theatrical play. This is something. It's one of my favorite clips that I've seen in a long time. It is set in a Little League game where an umpire is going to experience a very unfortunate set of circumstances. Can we play the clip six, please?

[Ad]

So the first.

[Host]

First for our audio only, takes a. A foul tip to the balls. Foul tip number two to the balls.

[Duncan]

And here's a fat dude. He's like, are you okay, dude?

[Host]

Pitch number three.

[Duncan]

He's now healed over. He's in the fetal position. Here comes a fat dude.

[Host]

Here comes a fat coach.

[Duncan]

This. This umbrella is gonna die on that field, and no one cares except for the fat dude that, like, cry of pain on the third one where he's like, please, God, help me.

[Wolf]

Just the most unlucky guy on the planet.

[Host]

Dude, I just. Look, look. You couldn't create. This is. This is worthy of a Broadway play. This is. Can we just play it one more time? I want to do, like. Everybody has to see this thing twice. It's not enough to know that a Guy got hit in the balls three times, I think, like, the terrorism in which this guy experiences.

[Ad]

Oh.

[Host]

So first one of the shot, and then. And then this is my favorite in many ways, because second shot to the balls, you hear the parents in the background. Way to stay alive, Ryan.

[Smug]

Yeah.

[Host]

They're not concerned in the least. Way to stay alive, Ryan.

[Duncan]

Stay alive.

[Host]

Third one, and then you get the collective side right.

[Duncan]

He has to keel over. He feels it in the kidneys, dude.

[Wolf]

Way to stay alive, Ryan. The guy's getting 50 bucks to stand out there on a Saturday morning.

[Host]

He's doing this as a community.

[Duncan]

It is, dude. And the ankles. He's crossed the ankles, bro. He feels it in the kidneys. That shit's detached, dude.

[Host]

Dude. It took the third nutshot for the crowd to acknowledge.

[Duncan]

I mean, like, goes down.

[Host]

Oh, Jesus, he's down. This poor guy. This poor bastard.

[Duncan]

Everyone in the audience is okay with watching him die. Dude. Keep it alive, Ryan. Keep it.

[Host]

The second one, we stay alive, Ryan.

[Duncan]

And they're like.

[Host]

The coach is like, hey, is he all right?

[Duncan]

All right, Blood sport. They're good. They're sacrificing that umpire. That's. That's a great, great clip.

[Host]

Oh, man. Way to stay alive. Let's get the third one one more time.

[Duncan]

This is.

[Host]

This is where you hear the crowd.

[Wolf]

Here's the thing. It looks like he's not wearing chest protection or a crown, which usually hangs. Hangs down.

[Duncan]

It usually hangs down, but adds a.

[Wolf]

Little bit of extra padding for the cup. Is it. I mean, poor guy.

[Duncan]

He.

[Wolf]

Maybe he left it in his car. He was rushing to the field to get there on time for the first pitch.

[Duncan]

Oh, bro, you can't do that. He.

[Host]

Three foul balls to the gentleman in.

[Duncan]

One Little League game.

[Wolf]

He's like, nothing's ever happened before. I don't need the chest protection. I'm gonna get there on time.

[Host]

Oh, poor bastard. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that as much as we did. Thoughts and prayers. Yeah, Honestly, for that. That gentleman who sure has still got the. Some icy hot that he's working around the old ball and chain. You guys want some animal news?

[Smug]

Yes, always.

[Host]

I think you came up with this one. Smug. He's a big animal purveyor.

[Smug]

He is.

[Host]

He comes up with a lot of this stuff. Turns out, wild pigs. According to New York Post, wild pigs in California develop bright blue skin after exposure to pesticides and rat poison.

[Duncan]

Officials.

[Host]

What's the deal with this thing? Sponge.

[Duncan]

Can we get graphic? Look at this. Okay, so that's what happened they cut open. Some wild pigs who've been eating some of these crops have been exposed to this rat poison. And their skin is. I mean, that is straight up blue. Like for our folks who aren't on YouTube, this is one of the reasons you want to jump on YouTube. That looks like neon blue skin. That is terrifying.

[Smug]

I call that Avatar blue.

[Duncan]

Yeah, dude, that is exactly what it looks like. It says here in the New York Post article. Swarms of wild pigs in California developed blue flesh after ingesting pesticides containing rat poison. And officials warned other common game animals may also be infected. The feral hawks and feral hogs should be shot and killed by the way.

[Host]

Or turned blue.

[Duncan]

Killed, hopefully without turning them blue. I don't think the blue is a good thing, but let's turn them blue. The feral hogs in Monterey county were exposed to a type of pesticide bait containing the anticoagulant rodenticide dafacinone. A type of rat poison. Prevents blood clotting, forces internal bleeding.

[Smug]

Wait, so it stops blood clotting?

[Duncan]

Yeah. So if you shoot one of these, they bleed out like a stunt pig.

[Ad]

Perfect.

[Host]

What's wrong with this? Do we have a problem with this?

[Wolf]

No, but here's a question for you guys. You know, we have talked off the air many times about doing a ruthless special where we all go Hellahog.

[Smug]

Yep. Yes.

[Wolf]

And I think that we definitely need to do that so we can see for ourselves. We can open these pigs up and we can see the blue.

[Duncan]

That's my suggestion. We had the governor of Texas, Governor Abbott, on. And Texas has a huge problem with these feral hogs attacking crops, destroying property. I would love to join the governor in a helicopter. We could go hella hogging. It's like a huge thing in Texas. Their pigs aren't blue to vinyl. I mean, they're not blue yet. Turn them. But I would love to help turn them blue.

[Host]

Turn them blue.

[Duncan]

I'd love to do our part and kill these hogs. I mean, there's nothing sounds more fun than being in a helicopter chain gunning these hogs and helping farmers.

[Wolf]

The rope gun.

[Host]

I'm confused. Am I supposed to feel like badly that they're blue?

[Smug]

No, I don't think so. It's just like if you're hunting them, you don't want to take a blue pig and process them and eat them, I don't think.

[Host]

But you wouldn't, right?

[Smug]

Because you're going to. Well, I've processed wild pig. I've killed. I've killed wild pig.

[Host]

These Things? Yes. Wait, you've eaten them?

[Smug]

Yes.

[Host]

No way. I didn't know you could do that.

[Smug]

Yes, you can.

[Wolf]

Where do you make the first cut? When you're processing, you make them at.

[Smug]

The ankles when you put them on the stirrups and then you rip it down and then somebody, you know, takes out the entrails and the guts and you got.

[Host]

I didn't know you ate these.

[Smug]

You can eat them. So what you do, you take them to a processing plant, they're gonna throw in like a ton of like. Like jalapeno and cheese, and they're gonna make sausage for you and stuff like that. You can't eat it.

[Host]

I mean, I can't do a rack out of this.

[Smug]

No, it's quite good. Well, they will give you the back strap.

[Host]

Oh, okay.

[Smug]

You can eat the back strap. You know, by itself, it's okay. Everything else needs to be processed, though, because it's pretty gaming.

[Duncan]

Yeah, I'm gonna be.

[Smug]

I'm gonna be honest.

[Host]

I mean, it's a filthy animal.

[Wolf]

You don't want the back strap of this one that we put on?

[Duncan]

No, not the blue ones.

[Host]

No, it's a blue one. Yeah, we don't want that. Okay. So have you guys seen the drunk guy at the airport?

[Wolf]

No, I have not.

[Host]

Do you know how many times I've thought about this?

[Wolf]

I can't wait to see.

[Host]

Like, just think about, you know, when you're in the airport. First of all, there are no rules. Like, if you're at the airport and you're delayed for a couple hours, only place that you can reasonably go to an airport bar at like 8am Order a tip Topper and nobody gives you a second look.

[Duncan]

I told you about that story when I was in Dallas airport. I got. Got stuck there and it was six in the morning and I was like, well, what am I gonna do? I went to the bar. I was like, my usual drink, double ribbon, neat. And they were like, texas law is like, you have to order a food and we can serve you hard liquor at 6am and they're like, we have $1 bread. And so I'm sitting there with like a double of bourbon and a plate with like a slice of bread on it. And then I look like two seats over and it's a dude with like two martinis and a slice of bread. And it's like, if you're in Dallas airport six in the morning, look for the dudes with bread. They're having a tough day.

[Smug]

That's a good loophole. Unlike Ashbrook's loophole.

[Wolf]

Well, that is not. This is the old pl, the Democrats loophole. Let's be very clear. This is what they talk about. It's how they get away with it.

[Host]

It's the old pl. Anyway, what you're about to observe is somebody who is exercising a thought that almost all of us have had at one point after being stuck in an airport for a prolonged period of time. Clip 3 Tom Brennan of Cheektowaga says he was shocked by what he saw when he arrived at the Buffalo Niagara International Airport early Monday morning. Brennan posting this viral video on social media. Now, the video has been viewed nearly 100,000 times. It shows a man driving an airport cart through the moving walkway, causing extensive.

[Guest]

Damage to the walkways, glass and the cart.

[Host]

NFTA police arrested 29 year old Kevin Sinning of Wyoming following that incident. Was visibly intoxicated. So, so this dude.

[Wolf]

Oh my goodness.

[Host]

Yeah. So this dude, he, he was stuck in the airport for a prolonged period of time and he decided, you know those carts that just like whiz by?

[Duncan]

Yep. The ones that'll beep at you.

[Host]

They beep at you and they act like there's a, some kind of a roadway in the middle of a hal where everybody's walking. And like it's always kind of pissed me off. But I've always thought like, what if I just drove one of those?

[Duncan]

Here's my question is, did that like, you know, the like horizontal escalator, things like moving walkways, was it broken? And was he like, I've had enough.

[Host]

I'm driving it right down the middle of it. We don't have this side of the story.

[Smug]

That's what I can't possibly understand is the logic of this. You've already acquired a motor vehicle.

[Host]

I think he had a couple.

[Smug]

You get faster than the people mover. Why are you also on the people move?

[Host]

He had a couple of bread orders before he did.

[Wolf]

Yeah, I get it, I get it.

[Duncan]

Because it looks like the thing is broken down and he's had enough. And you know, like, here's the thing, look at him. Like, there's nothing worse than airliners and airports. And the way that they treat people is criminal and they should be held accountable. Sadly, they probably never will be held accountable. And this is why people flip out when they're in airports. It is treated like garbage.

[Wolf]

And what Josh said is what's wrong with the media today. We do not have his side of the story.

[Host]

We don't.

[Wolf]

Nobody, nobody has.

[Host]

Nobody knows.

[Smug]

Can I ask you one question Smug. You mentioned this bread and double bourbon meat situation in Dallas. Was that dfw? Was that love?

[Duncan]

Dfw? I don't fly Southwest. Are you insane?

[Host]

I thought love was the Southwest.

[Smug]

I thought I could slip you up.

[Duncan]

Yeah. Heck, no.

[Smug]

I was gonna get him to say love.

[Duncan]

Not happening, dude.

[Host]

Dude, I love you. Just slow rolled that grenade in there, see if it.

[Smug]

I'm a professional operator.

[Host]

Yeah, well, he is, too.

[Duncan]

I mean, DFW is not great, but, man, it's not Southwest.

[Host]

Lastly, some news out of China. It's not great. Stressed adults is. According to New York Post, stressed adults rely on pacifiers to soothe themselves. Quote, I feel a sense of safety from childhood.

[Duncan]

Okay.

[Host]

I mean, look, fellas, it's been a.

[Duncan]

Hell of a year.

[Host]

Sure has some topics that we didn't imagine we'd cover here on the ruthless variety program.

[Duncan]

Great year for variety. Yeah.

[Smug]

It turns out when you talk to your friends for a few hours every single week, you. You get off the rails pretty often. It's fun to relive.

[Host]

Yeah, we don't break down tax policy here every day. Nah, you get all kinds of different stuff. Well, thank you for joining for this journey through the last year of some of our favorite moments of variety. I hope you guys have a wonderful New Year's. I know that we are absolutely ecstatic about everything that this year has meant to us. With you all joining us, our new partnership with Fox News. It's been a hell of a thing for all of us.

[Smug]

Yeah. And we're going to be right there along the way with. With you. We're not going to miss an episode.

[Host]

We sure aren't. Which is why you're listening to us on the day after Christmas. Good Lord. New contractual negotiations. With all that said, fellas, I think we did it.

[Duncan]

I think so. Absolute banger of an episode. Gentlemen, thank you so much to our listeners. And remember, if you have not yet, go to the YouTube hit that subscribe because it's more fun in video. So until next time, minions, keep the faith. Faith. Hold the line and own the libs. We'll see you next time. Stay ruthless.