After Action Report #20 - Savage Lovecast

Summary

Savage Lovecast: After Action Report #20 (March 13, 2026)
Hosted by Dan Savage
Guest: Trina

Episode Overview

In this episode of "After Action Report," Dan Savage welcomes Trina, a listener from the Boston area, to share her story about trying something new in her sex life: being peed on for the first time. The conversation delves into motivations for sexual experimentation, lessons in communication and consent, and the value of trying new things—even when they don’t turn out as hoped.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Guest Introduction & Context ([01:15]–[01:36])

Trina is a cishet woman in her mid-40s, living in the Boston area, who has recently started exploring new sexual experiences after decades of more conventional activity.
She highlights a common narrative: women often become more sexually experimental in their 30s and 40s.

2. Discussing Motivations for Sexual Exploration

([01:36]–[02:43])

Dan notes the pattern: “Men…know what their kinks are” earlier, while “women tend to come into their kinks and get sexually adventurous” later.
Trina’s take: It’s about growing “the self confidence and the getting rid of giving a shit… I knew what I wanted. I just didn’t have the, you know, the ovaries to ask for it.” ([02:21]—Trina)

3. Trina’s Kinks and the Lead-Up to Pee Play

([03:13]–[06:14])

Trina identifies as a submissive and seeks partners for impact play, domination, and similar dynamics.
She describes her approach to dating and sexual negotiation, crediting Dan's advice to meet early for better communication.
Her play partner had excellent communication, and their initial two sessions featured light bondage and impact play (e.g., open-handed spanking, paddling, mild strapping).
- “He didn’t pull anything out that hadn’t been okayed ahead of time.” ([05:12]—Trina)
Dan emphasizes the need to clarify "impact play" as it covers a broad spectrum.

4. Consent and Negotiation of New Kinks

([06:27]–[08:48])

For their third session, her partner expressed interest in peeing on her; while not initially her kink, Trina agreed out of curiosity and a desire to please him as a submissive.
She establishes only one boundary: “not in the bed…somewhere easy cleaning” ([07:02]—Trina).

5. The Experience of Piss Play

([08:48]–[11:08])

The session started in the bedroom, then shifted to the bathroom/shower for the act.
Trina describes struggling to stay in a submissive mindset due to the pause and shift in activities.
Her partner also wanted her to pee for him, which they hadn’t explicitly discussed, but she attempted nonetheless.
“I tried and it just wouldn’t happen… my body just wouldn’t.” ([09:28]—Trina)
When her partner urinated on her, Trina was overwhelmed by the smell, describing it as the main reason she didn’t enjoy the act: “It was just like a really strong pee smell, and it’s like hitting my torso. And that’s close enough to your nose.” ([09:56]—Trina)
Dan reacts: “Amateurs. The mistake that was made here is…what’s going to come out is way more concentrated. And the more concentrated it is, the more it smells like stinky pee.” ([10:12]—Dan)
“I got stinky pee, you got the Mountain Dew.” ([11:08]—Dan, humorously referencing the vivid color and smell)

6. Reflection, Communication, and Aftercare

([11:08]–[14:35])

Trina clarifies she wasn’t traumatized but didn’t enjoy the experience. Safe-wording wasn’t needed as it wasn’t a “stop everything” situation.
Afterward, her partner checked in with her: “He was good about checking in afterwards, about what did you like and what didn’t you like? …And I used my words and said did not like that part.” ([11:48]—Trina)
Dan underscores the positive: “He was checking in and thoughtful and conscientious and a good solicitous dom, you felt safe continuing to play with him that night and continuing to play with him at other times.” ([14:13]—Dan)
They continued their sexual relationship with satisfactory encounters.

7. Lessons Learned and Advice

([12:26]–[13:58])

Hydration is key: “Ask your partner to be very hydrated ahead of time. Because I really think it would have been okay. I wouldn’t have been into it, but …if it wasn’t for the smell.” ([12:39]—Trina)
Dan expands: Strong, unpleasant, or unexpected smells can create a negative lasting sense memory and ruin the act for future attempts.
Even with the ideal setup, Trina is unlikely to try piss play again due to the strong association with the smell.

8. The Value of Sharing "Negative" Experiences

([14:44]–End)

Dan appreciates stories where things don’t go perfectly: “I also think it’s really important that we hear from people who tried things that didn’t work for them…there’s so many good lessons and takeaways and best practices that can be embedded in a negative experience.” ([14:44]—Dan)
Trina’s overall take: “Negative experience with the piss play, but positive experience with the piss top.” ([14:36]—Trina)

Notable Quotes & Moments

On confidence and kink exploration:
“I knew what I wanted. I just didn’t have the, you know, the ovaries to ask for it.” ([02:21]—Trina)
On the importance of communication:
“He didn’t pull anything out that hadn’t been okayed ahead of time.” ([05:12]—Trina)
On the sensory downside of piss play:
“It was just like a really strong pee smell, and it’s like hitting my torso. And that’s close enough to your nose.” ([09:56]—Trina)
Dan’s practical pee play advice:
“The mistake that was made here is…what’s going to come out is way more concentrated. And the more concentrated it is, the more it smells like stinky pee.” ([10:12]—Dan)
Trina’s concluding lesson:
“Negative experience with the piss play, but positive experience with the piss top.” ([14:36]—Trina)
On sharing imperfect experiences:
“I also think it’s really important that we hear from people who tried things that didn’t work for them…so many good lessons and takeaways.” ([14:44]—Dan)

Key Timestamps

Guest Introduction: [01:15]
Motivation & Confidence Insights: [02:21]
Negotiation and Communication: [04:20]–[05:43]
Impact Play Definition: [05:12]
Kink Proposal and Boundaries: [06:27]–[07:13]
Describing the Event Itself: [08:48]–[11:08]
Communication Afterward / Advice: [11:48]–[12:39]
Best Practices & Lasting Lessons: [13:00]–[14:44]
Final Reflections: [14:36]–[15:10]

Takeaways

Confidence and self-assurance play key roles in exploring new sexual territory, especially for women with traditional socialization.
Strong, open communication and negotiation make even less-than-enjoyable experiences safe, contained, and ultimately positive overall.
When exploring anything new (especially bodily fluids): hydrate, negotiate beforehand, and have an exit or clean-up plan.
It’s not a failure to dislike a new kink—the most positive stories often come from honest reflection about what didn’t work and why.

End of summary.

If you want to be featured in a future "After Action Report," share your own story (good, bad, or mid) with Dan via email!

Transcript

A (0:00)

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B (0:50)

You're listening to After Action Report at Savage Love.

A (0:56)

Welcome to After Action Report, where you tell me and all of my other listeners about something you tried for the very first time this week. We're going to talk with Trina, who has a cautionary tale to share. Joining me for this After Action Report. Trina. Trina, welcome to the show.

B (1:13)

Thanks. It's interesting to be here.

A (1:15)

It's interesting to have you. So before we get to what it is you did and how it went, whether you liked it, you're going to do it again. Tell us just a little bit about yourself.

B (1:24)

All right, so I am a mid-40s Cishet female living in the upper northeast Boston area. Yeah. Who tried something new.

A (1:33)

And what was that thing? That new thing?

B (1:36)

So I got peed on for the first time.

A (1:39)

Congratulations. Like a baptism. Your idea? Their idea. Whose idea was it?

B (1:46)

Sort of their idea. So backstory is that, you know, in my 40s, I'm the cliche of the woman who has done one thing her whole life and then is exploring new things.

A (1:57)

I say this all the time. Men, males come into their kinks and like, they wanna do crazy shit when they're teenagers. They know what their kinks are. Women tend to come into their kinks and get sexually adventurous in their 30s and 40s and middle age. And I think it has something to do with sexual peak. I really do. What would your theory be is why now? Why now at this stage in your life are you trying new things?