Dating, Engagement, and Marriage ft Malik Brookins

Summary

Podcast Summary: Saved Not Soft

Episode: Dating, Engagement, and Marriage ft. Malik Brookins

Host: Emy Moore
Guest: Malik Brookins
Date: March 24, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this candid, heartfelt, and often humorous episode, host Emy Moore is joined by her husband, Malik Brookins, for an in-depth conversation about their journey through dating, engagement, and marriage from a Christian perspective. The couple shares their personal story, discusses the spiritual challenges and growth they experienced in each relationship stage, and offers genuine advice for navigating Christian relationships in a world with shifting cultural norms.

Their testimony is marked by transparency, intentionality, and deep spiritual insight, providing listeners with encouragement, practical wisdom, and authentic hope, especially for those in similar seasons. Topics range from vulnerability and mentorship to spiritual warfare, family dynamics, and the beauty of partnership rooted in Christ.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Starting with Prayer and Setting Intentions (04:22–07:06)

• The episode begins with a heartfelt prayer led by Malik, inviting the Holy Spirit’s presence and asking that their conversation would serve as a tool to encourage and equip listeners.
  • Memorable Moment: “Lord, I ask that you fill us with your word… that it just be such a tool for people to use, to hear, to glean from our lives because of the things that you’ve taught us.” (05:03, Malik)

2. The Importance of Speaking from the Newlywed Perspective (07:06–09:43)

• Emy emphasizes the value of hearing from couples in the early stages of marriage, not only those with decades of experience.
  • Quote: “People think that being newlywed disqualifies you from speaking about marriage… but I see it as a tool to empathize with people who are about to get engaged.” (08:16, Emy)

3. The Power of Community and Mentorship (09:45–10:56)

• The couple credits their growth to strong, corrective yet affirming leadership and a robust community, shaping healthy relational dynamics.
  • Quote: “We have a great community… great friendships with people… We constantly want people over, invite people over, want to do life with people, don’t want to be alone.” (10:29, Emy)

4. How They Met: The Untold (and Told) Story (11:02–15:54)

• Their first meeting at the Passion Conference (2021) is recounted humorously and with different perspectives: Emy was awestruck; Malik saw potential but felt they were in different stages of life.
  • Notable Quote: “You are my celebrity crush… When I saw you in person, I was like, six-four, my type of chocolate milk.” (13:29, Emy)
  • Malik’s honesty: “When we started talking, I was just like, ‘Oh, she’s like immature’… I was not feeling it…” (15:59)

5. Rekindling Connection, Intentionality, and Transparency in Dating (16:55–21:44)

• After years without contact, Malik reached out to Emy. They quickly set clear intentions, avoiding common dating pitfalls.
  • Quote: “I felt incredibly respected when you did that… he understands I’m worth an explanation.” (21:14, Emy)
  • Quick vulnerability: They discussed their deepest secrets on the second day of dating.

6. Radical Honesty and Dealing with Brokenness (22:12–31:11)

• Both share their most vulnerable struggles—Malik’s finances, Emy’s mental health. They emphasize the healing, trust, and compassion built by leading with honesty, not trying to hide imperfections.
  • Malik: “Find someone who’s going to rock with you to the end… I’m not afraid of what you’re struggling with.” (23:10–24:05)

7. The Biblical Power of Confession and Bringing Darkness to Light (31:11–34:54)

• They discuss bringing inner darkness into the light of Christ, breaking cycles of shame, and practicing confession to reduce shame and spiritual disunity.
  • Emy’s analogy: “Like in police movies, they have the interrogation light… we’re bringing you into the office, we’re sitting you down and I’m questioning you…” (33:18, Emy)

8. Spiritual Warfare and Purpose in Relationship (38:33–44:32)

• Discussing the spiritual warfare experienced—the “hell was trembling” moments—Emy and Malik stress that relationships must be built on purpose, not just attraction or aesthetics.
  • Quote: “We knew from the moment we started dating that hell was trembling because of what was about to come through this union.” (39:18, Malik)
  • Compatibility goes beyond attraction; it must include callings, assignments, and fruitful partnership.

9. From Dating to Engagement: Unexpected Challenges (45:13–50:58)

• Malik’s elaborate proposal (surprising Emy in Malibu) is told alongside Emy’s vulnerability about body image struggles due to medical issues—an early test of affirmation, support, and partnership.

10. Engagement: Obstacles, Voices, and Decision-Making (51:38–56:03)

• The engagement period was marked by external voices, doubts, and spiritual confusion. Malik wrestled with his purpose and double-mindedness, recalling the importance of tracking when God’s peace is present.
  • Quote: “In those moments where I was feeling double-minded, to remember and track the moments where I felt the presence of the Lord.” (53:14, Malik)

11. Divine Provision and God’s Affirming Miracles (58:34–63:38)

• Emy provides transparent details of financial struggles and miraculous stories of provision, including a brand partnership that covered their wedding costs and another that unexpectedly funded their honeymoon to Rome.
  • Quote: “That’s like me inviting somebody to my birthday party, canceling the birthday party and then I sent them a gift.” (62:31, Emy)

12. Engagement as a Season of Pruning and Preparation (64:06–70:14)

• God used engagement as a time of pruning, aligning Emy’s super-independence with a call to dependence (not just on Malik but on God)—reshaping what submission, femininity, and marital partnership look like from a kingdom perspective.
  • Quote: “I would argue that I turned dependent… the moment I met a man like you, Malik, who was able to make me feel safe… I could finally rest at night.” (70:14, Emy)

13. Sharpening Gifts and the Power of Differences (71:49–74:15)

• The couple discusses the dynamic interplay of their gifts: Malik’s presence-based, worshipful spirit complements Emy’s authority with the Word—together, they reflect truth and presence for their communities.

14. Restoration through Differences and Shared Realism (74:15–79:00)

• From their different upbringings (PK/safe upbringing for Malik, trauma and anxious attachment for Emy), they note how their marriage has produced healing and new perspectives.
  • Fun moment: The “Which disciple would you be?” conversation offers insight into their personalities and humor.
    • Malik: “You’d be John the Baptist. You would go to the King and tell him he’s in sin.” (77:40)

15. The Wedding and a Tangible Miracle (79:00–82:33)

• The wedding day included its own miracle: despite forecasted rain, they chose to hold the ceremony outside. The moment guests moved indoors, it poured—affirming their decision and God’s favor.
  • Quote: “We have the wedding outside… I promise you, the last person that came in from outside, that's when it just started pouring down rain after the ceremony.” (80:51, Malik)

16. Discovering Identity in Marriage: Sonship & Daughtership (83:33–85:56)

• Early marriage is marked by an emphasis on identity in Christ, studying Romans 8, and learning to rest as children, not slaves, before God.
  • Quote: “What he was teaching us out the gate was, ‘Hey, I love you for you, and I just want you to rest in me and be submitted to me.’” (84:24, Malik)

17. Creating a Christ-Centered Home and Spiritual Sanctuary (86:43–89:41)

• The home is described as a personal sanctuary, filled with moments of spontaneous prayer, vision, and spiritual breakthrough.

18. Partnership as a Safe Harbor (89:22–93:00)

• Both spouses reflect on being safe places for each other, practicing the ministry of presence and being actively attentive to each other’s spiritual and emotional needs.

19. Marriage as a Reflection of Christ and the Church (93:00–95:10)

• They close with reflections on how their union is designed to point others to the crucified Christ, not to themselves.
  • Quote: “Our marriage is meant to mirror that… the ultimate covenant that we have with the Lord, and it’s through His son Jesus Christ.” (95:01, Emy)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Shooter, shoot. I’m like, you just gotta say how you’re feeling and just be honest.” (20:32, Malik)
• “I’m not afraid of your brokenness… That created a greater empathy for one another.” (24:05, Emy)
• “When we confess with our mouths, it’s like, oh, this thing actually has no power over the blood of Jesus.” (32:21, Emy)
• “Find someone who is going to rock with you to the end.” (23:10, Malik)
• “We knew from the moment we started dating that hell was trembling because of what was about to come through this union.” (39:19, Malik)
• “I would argue that I turned dependent… I could finally rest at night.” (70:14, Emy)
• “You’d be John the Baptist… you would go up there and be like, ‘Yeah, King, you’re in sin and you need to stop.’” (77:50, Malik, joking with Emy)
• “He poured out on us. It was like, here’s my present, my presence. I’m here with you.” (81:24, Emy)
• “Our marriage is meant to mirror that [Christ’s covenant]… the fact that I get to live in a revelation of the resurrection of Christ each and every single day is one of the greatest blessings.” (95:10, Emy)

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intro & Prayer: 00:00–07:06
• Newlywed Perspective & Mentorship: 07:06–10:56
• How We Met: 11:02–15:54
• First Vulnerabilities/Intentional Dating: 16:55–24:05
• Honesty and Confession: 24:05–34:54
• Purpose & Spiritual Warfare in Relationship: 38:33–44:32
• Engagement Challenges: 45:13–56:03
• Miraculous Provision Stories: 58:34–63:38
• Spiritual Lessons: Dependency, Submission, Identity: 64:06–85:56
• Wedding Miracle: 79:00–82:33
• Christ-Centered Marriage & Closing Reflection: 93:00–95:10

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Conclusion & Takeaways

Emy and Malik’s conversation moves beyond a simple testimony to provide actionable, gospel-centered wisdom for Christian singles, dating couples, fiancés, and newlyweds. Their story models:

• Radical honesty as the foundation for trust and growth.
• The necessity of community and godly mentorship.
• God’s faithfulness in miraculous provision and spiritual confirmation.
• How spiritual warfare and struggle are often evidence of God’s purpose in a union.
• That Christ-centered love is sacrificial, safe, and life-giving.

Listeners are left with the encouragement that marriage, at its best, is not a fairy tale but a powerful, messy, redemptive partnership that puts Jesus at the center—for the good of both spouses, their community, and God’s glory.

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Transcript

[A]

Hello. Hello, you guys, and welcome back to Saved. Not so. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

[B]

Hit that shoulder.

[A]

Hey, is that one shoulder?

[B]

Hit a.

[A]

There you go. That's good. I don't got a song or nothing, but. No, we'll dance to the idea.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You guys. We have my husband, Malik Brookins.

[B]

We are here. What's up, everybody?

[A]

Everybody. Welcome, Malik.

[B]

It's an honor and a privilege to be here.

[A]

You're here.

[B]

Yeah. I love being on Save Nights off.

[A]

Of course. Because you live here.

[B]

I do. This is our home.

[A]

Yes. We are in our home. Do you want to know something I realized? What'd you realize that whenever. Well, we're filming this podcast in January, and there's a whole Christmas tree behind you. And this is probably not going to come out till, like, March. Yeah.

[B]

They're going to be like, when did they film this?

[A]

Yeah. Like, these jokers was in Christmas.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But still, like, I don't plan on taking down the tree.

[B]

Well now, like, February.

[A]

I actually didn't realize I had to take down the tree till, like, right now. Yeah.

[B]

The tree eventually has to go.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. I'm so comfortable with it. Right there. It's really pretty.

[B]

It is a nice, pretty tree.

[A]

We decided to do, like, different ornaments this year, and I'm never going back. Especially when we stood to have widow ones wood along.

[B]

But not anytime. No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

But when they start, like, making crafts. Like, whenever we went to my Mimi's house for Christmas and I saw she had bro. She had, like, the little crafts ornament I made from 2005.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, I want to be this type of granny. Yeah.

[B]

Grandparents. You just keep all the little items that you make when you're younger.

[A]

I want to do that as a parent. I want to do that as a grandparent. And I was like, I need to get into this habit right now. And I forgot. We got the pickle. We got a pickle ornament. Because my stepdad is incredibly German, so, like, my family's German.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we hide a pickle in the tree. It's a pickle ornament. It's like a German tradition, but yeah.

[B]

And the kids go find it.

[A]

Yeah. But anyways, you guys, the. By the time you're watching this, our tree will be up. Don't worry and don't be afraid. Yeah.

[B]

It'd been stored somewhere.

[A]

Yeah. Correct. But anyways, you guys, Malik is here.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He's on St. Not Zof. We're very excited. I have a confession.

[B]

Oh, what's the confession.

[A]

It's a confession you're aware of.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I just woke up from a very beautiful bath.

[B]

Yeah. No facts. It is about, what, 6, 17.

[A]

But do you know that was, like, one of the sweetest things ever. Like, I woke up with so much joy that. Because I was complaining to Malik about just. Oh, there's just, like, so many things that need to be done. And I tired. I need food in my stomach, Stuff like that. And I don't even remember going to sleep, but I remember waking up feeling so rested and so blessed that you just let me sleep like that. Babe.

[B]

Got you a little 30, 35, 40.

[A]

That was so nice of you. Yeah. And, like, you got some stuff done.

[B]

I got some work done.

[A]

Tea. He was like, babe, that's totally. Because I was like, oh, my gosh, babe, I fell asleep. I'm so sorry. He's like, babe, I'm knocked out. Work right here. And he. Babe, like, I was in your arms the entire time.

[B]

The entire time. You just snuggled. Snuggled up in there.

[A]

I. Like, I am in such a good mood, and I'm also so, like, restful at the same time. So that's my confession, is that I just woke up from a nap.

[B]

Hey. And I'm about to do this thing.

[A]

Right. But you were talking about a number.

[B]

Oh, a number of different things that I thought would be so helpful to people.

[A]

You want to tell them what we're talking about? I mean, just like the three points you're seeing in this title.

[B]

We're talking about dating, engagement, marriage, about our testimony, but also what the Lord has been teaching us through every season that we have gone through, because we've

[A]

gone through all three.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

They've all had different dynamics, and.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

I. I believe our story can help so many people. I think our story is also incredibly original, too. I mean, we're two original beings coming together and starting something so awesome. And. Yeah, we've been on a little ride. Yeah. It's true.

[B]

Hey, but God gets all the glory.

[A]

It is very true. But we wanted to pray for you guys and pray over the atmosphere before we just talk, share a testimony, share scripture, teach. Because I didn't have any speech. I just had a twiddling.

[B]

Twitter twiddle.

[A]

A little Twitter twiddle. Like, this is my man. I love doing this with you. I love sharing God's word with people, with you by my side. And I love how you love people. I love that you have a heart after God's own heart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I love that you have A heart for his people, and that you're a shepherd that has no intentionality to watch the sheep bleed. You are a shepherd that will lay your life down at the gate. And I love being married to you. You're just so awesome, dude. Love you, dude.

[B]

Love you, dude. Hey, love you, dude.

[A]

Love you, dude.

[B]

I feel like, yeah, we're so safe in our marriage. I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's awesome.

[A]

Do you want to lead us in prayer?

[B]

Yes, let's do it. Holy Spirit, we love you. Jesus, thank you for the cross. Thank you for the blood. Lord, I thank you for this time that we're able to come together for this podcast. Lord, I thank you that everything that you have taken us through, that you have taught us would be for your glory. Yes, all the pain, all the hurt, all the good will be for your glory. Lord, I ask that you fill us with your word. You fill us with things that you want us to talk about. And I ask that it just be such. Such a tool for people to use, to hear, to glean from our lives because of the things that you've taught us, Lord. So I just speak that the people on the other side who are watching, Lord, that they are open, that their heart are free from any burden. They're free from anything that has been trying to keep them down and out. Lord, allow your glory. Allow your presence. To take over, Lord, is because of your presence. It's because of who you are, Lord, that we're able to move, to do everything that we have. Lord, we love you and just ask that you do a new thing in us today. Holy Spirit, will you flow and touch every heart and soften every heart, Lord, that may be hardened so that when we speak your word, it is freeing. It is freeing. It is freeing. It is freeing. God, allow us to be slow to speak. Allow us to hear your voice clearly. Lord, we love you and we thank you. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

[A]

Amen. That's so sweet. I really believe the Lord's going to breathe on this. I felt his certainty through it. And more importantly, that the person on the other side of the screen, I pray they're sparked with greater hope. I was just really sensing that as we were praying is just that there's going to be hope in people. And especially where, like, marriages are very interesting right now. Yeah, they're incredibly interesting, I think, and not even in the Christian space, like, just all over. Like, marriage is very interesting. And there's so many components and so many things that I feel like are incredibly Nuanced. That has caused so much confusion and has given a lack of guidance to those who are dating, engaged, married, you name it. And Malik and I are in a very unique spot with our, I, I, I guess where we're at in life right now because we're still newlywed. And I think we're only able to speak from this place for so long. And I think oftentimes people think that being newlywed disqualifies you from speaking about marriage.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I see it as a tool to empathize with newlyweds, people who are about to get engaged. We walked through engagements. Oh, we really know about that. We know about dating. We really walked. Um, but I think it's really sweet that we get to talk about the early stages of our marriage and look back at this one day, be like, oh my gosh, we were so young and we're just like eight months in and look at what we knew. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And, and I feel like even a lot of the mentorship and the people who we have gone to as we've been walking out dating, engagement and marriage, they've honestly been really proud of us of like how we've listened, learned, and just walked it out the best that we knew how in correct order. You know, Cuz I'm like a lot of times our mentors would be like, you know, what you guys are going through isn't as bad as you think it is. But then also, at the same time, they would also just say, we're so proud of you. You know, and I think that's something for us to remember. Like as we're even talking about this, it's, I feel like we've put in a lot of work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, in, in every season to make sure like God was in it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it wasn't just us doing something to do something.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you know, I feel like that's a lot of the behind the scenes stuff that no one really sees. But, you know, we know the work that's, you know, been put in. And I'm proud of us.

[A]

I'm proud of us too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you know what I love most about our mentorship? And it is the most corrective yet affirmative place.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because we have very affirmative leadership around us. But not enabling leadership in the sense of the leadership we have affirms us our personhood, our confidence, I guess who God has really called us to be. That's where the affirmation comes from, is this is your original design. Then the correction comes from the places where the flesh tied creep and crawling. And I think it's so awesome when we have just such loving leaders who have surrounded us. And we could talk about that more when we get in our little engagement section.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Discovered the majority of our mentors, which we have so many people who bore into us from all over. We're actually so blessed. We have a great community and great friendships with people, great relationships, and I think that's very telling of us. Like, we're not the type to just do things on our own. We constantly want people over, invite people over, want to do life with people, don't want to be alone. We just love doing life with, like, everybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's, like, really cool.

[B]

So you know where we start. We got to start from the beginning.

[A]

Okay. For those who don't know.

[B]

For those who don't know, we shared

[A]

our testimony of how we met. The very, very first episode we did together, like, two.

[B]

Two years ago.

[A]

But do you know that video got, like, that podcast we did on YouTube? It got, like, 400,000 of the.

[B]

Dang. Does it really?

[A]

No, it was up there because I saw it, like, I think I see last night, and I was like, oh,

[B]

my God, what the heck?

[A]

Caress? And I was like, people really listen to this, and I'm kind of scared because I forgot what we talked about.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I was like, no, I'm raised up, mature.

[B]

Oh, no facts. I feel like we've grown so much since that time.

[A]

Yeah. But it's just how it is to know that we spoke from that place. Thank God we got married. That would have been, like, rigid. That would have been, like, really awkward. So we bless God.

[B]

Yeah. No, we really bless God.

[A]

Yeah. But we shared a little bit of our testimony in that. You always, like, when I share it first.

[B]

Yeah, I like when you share first because it makes sense for me.

[A]

So Malik and I met in 2021, going into 2022, and at the Passion Conference in Atlanta. And their Passion Youth Conference is basically a conference centered around young adults. And kind of their tagline is like, meet your future husband. And I was like, bump the husband. I'm here for Jesus. I was mentally, cognitively, where I was at in my faith was I was just getting to really know who, like, real Jesus was. And I had said no and rejected the world and was coming out of a lot of toxicity. And Passion was one of the first places where I was actually being equipped to walk in the Christian life. And I was very babied at Passion, and Malik and I knew each other Somewhat through social media. And I had gone to the food court on the second day of us being in passion. And I see Malik in the food court with Travis Scott ones Gucci monogram pants, which, by the way, insane to think about today like, that you would wear something like that.

[B]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[A]

And a Padres jersey.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But in 2021, y'. All. Oh, my gosh. I was in shambles. I was like, he is. And. And not to both of my old man, like, Malik. I tell Malik this all the time, and sometimes I actually don't think you believe me.

[B]

What?

[A]

You are my celebrity crush. Like, the evil. When we weren't together, I would see you on my Instagram feed. I'm like, oh, my gosh. Malik Brookins is actually just, like, so fine. And when I saw you in person, I was like, six, four. My type of chocolate milk. And I was like, yo, I'm railing right now. Oh, so was I. And I was like, I absolutely am falling in love in this moment. And by the way, again, Malik and I didn't really talk, but I saw it, and I was like, like, just, oh, my gosh, I need to speak to my. Need to talk to him. And we talked, and I don't remember anything that was said. I just remembered that you were smiling the entire time, and I was just like, goo goo gaga over you. And I was like, he is so fine. I was just looking at the little dimples and, like, your teeth and your smile and, oh, gosh, everything about you, I can't take it. And then I walked away, mesmerized by the glory and the radiance that God has shined upon your face and had the pleasure to show me. And I walked away, and I was like, lord, let that man be my. And I'm not the type to pray to. When I first met somebody like that, not the type to pray to God about a man the moment I left. But I was so impressed by, again, context. I just came out of the world, and I've seen all these worldly men, and I didn't think that there would be a man of God who hit every single, like, level of attraction, character, personality. And you just had, like, like, filled it with flying colors.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I walked away, and I was like, warren, let that man be my husband or somebody better. And I guess there was no one better, which, thank God, I like you. You were the best thing. And after I met you, you know, we didn't speak and for a long time, for about, like, two and a half years, but I do remember, and I tell you this now. There'd be times where I just see on my Instagram be like, oh, my gosh, like, bro, my look. Like, just like, so fine. It's nice. And I'm just keeping to myself, you know? But I want to go goo, goo, go over it again. I didn't go to the conference thinking, like, oh, I'm gonna find my future husband, but I saw you, and I was like, that man right there. I'm mesmerized.

[B]

Mesmerized.

[A]

And the reason as to why Malik likes telling me the first part of the story is because he has a different experience.

[B]

Yep. So my experience is really different. So we were both doing social media at the time we met in food court. I thought Emmy was very attractive, so I was like, okay, maybe this is my time to talk to her. And then when we started talking, I was just like, oh, she's like, immature. I was just like. I was like. I was not feeling it. I was not feeling it. Well, it was because at the time, I had just graduated College. I was 21.

[A]

I was 19.

[B]

Yeah. Amy was nine.

[A]

We're two years apart.

[B]

Two years apart. And I was like, I just feel that I'm just in a different stage of life than she's in right now and. Right. And we honestly were. Yeah, we honestly were. And after that time, we didn't talk for about two and a half years. And then it came full circle to where I think we started talking. I think I texted her happy birthday.

[A]

It's always birthday. Yeah.

[B]

I texted her happy birthday after that.

[A]

It's always the birthday taste. No, the girly pop. Let me just say this for a moment. It is always the dang birthday. I. Here's my thing. Malik had me on Instagram for two years. Why you never tell me happy Birthday two years before you subconsciously knew I was your wife. And I. When you reach out to me. No, I'm joking. But I was so, like, out of a limb. You haven't texted me and you just said, happy Birthday. And I was.

[B]

I feel like we were texting around that time, but. Okay. But I say happy birthday.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

After that, we keep talking.

[A]

Because you reached out again.

[B]

Yeah, I reached out again. And we were talking for about three days straight. And, you know, I told her, I was like, hey, I just got out of relationship. I'm not really looking for anything. But I gave this clause at the end.

[A]

And I was a three minute voice.

[B]

I spent a whole three minute voice memo about, like, no, I'm not looking for a relationship. Love talking to you, though. We can be friends. Then I was like, but if anything happens, you know, all right, now, you

[A]

don't say that as somebody you don't like. Because my thing is, is when Malik and I rekindled, like, two and a half years later, which is in, like, 2023, I was like, I also don't want a relationship. I'm really cool. I'm just doing myself with the podcast and building community with women and serving at the church. And then he sent me the voice memo, and I was like, this sounds great to me. That the end when he said, well, if something happens, it happens. And, like, I'm just gonna leave it up to God. I was like, all right, Emily, you don't say that to somebody you don't like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And so I was like, he thinks I'm cutie pie. And I was like, I'm just gonna put it in the back. I didn't necessarily, like, feel all the things. Yeah, but when you said that, I was like, okay, so if it goes somewhere, he wouldn't be mad. So I wasn't very upset with that. But it is. I think this is something that I loved about the moment when we first met through the talking stage, is that you address your intentions with me immediately.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I think that's something that a lot of young men have missed in the dating stage, talking stages, is that they'll entertain a woman for so long and don't express their intentions with them where they're really at in life, just not being truthful and honest. And through that, it could lead into being led on, into ghosting into simply just relational entertainment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Instead of something that's being built off of something that's solid and relational and intentional. And what I really loved about Malik is three days in, we were even flirting.

[B]

We were just talking casual conversations.

[A]

But Malik read the room enough to know, I've talked to. I've talked to this girl three days in a row.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's enough evidence for her to probably prompt something in her mind.

[B]

Yes, for sure.

[A]

So you took it upon yourself to. To tackle it and give me the confidence of, this is what I'm looking for. This is my intentions as of right now. And also, if something happens to change along the way, I'm open to going with the flow of that, of wherever God is leading me. But as of right now, I got out of a relationship. This is where I'm at, and I'm here to listen where you're at as well. And that was incredibly mature of you, Malik. And I think that's something that a lot of men miss to do here in today's age.

[B]

Yeah. And I feel like a lot of times, I don't know, men are just. I feel like men and women are just scared be of being rejected, of being hurt, of being let down. And I'm like, bro, shooter, shoot. I'm like, you just got. You just got to say how you're feeling and just be honest. And I feel like as you be honest, you not only doing yourself a service, but also the other person who you're, you know, interested in.

[A]

Right. I think you literally just said that. I felt incredibly respected when you did that. I was like. Because when you said that, Malik, and you were like, this is my intentions, immediately I was like, oh, he understands I'm worth an explanation. Yes.

[B]

And I'm not trying to waste your time.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

That's what a lot of people do.

[A]

And then also, you respect yourself.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

Like, you respect yourself enough to be like, I'm not gonna play with this girl. She's not gonna play with me. So I'm gonna say right out the gate what it is. And I think that clarity and that transparency brought so much honesty and vulnerability into our relationship very early on. And I thought that was incredibly key and set the tone of how vulnerable and honest we were going to be with one another.

[B]

And I think, you know, from that place, it kind of led us into, like, becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is such a weird thing to say right now.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

The fact that we are boyfriend and girlfriend.

[A]

Yeah. That sounds a lot. A child is so gross time. That's, like, so gross.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, bro, we married with a dog right now.

[A]

Yeah. Like, a boyfriend and girlfriend sounds so like.

[B]

Yeah. It was like a foodies, cooties. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. No. And what I loved is that Malik and I told each other our deepest, darkest secrets the day of us.

[B]

Gate out the gate.

[A]

Yeah. The second day of us dating, we told each other our deepest, darkest secrets. And I remember we were at your apartment in your little office den area, and we told each other the worst things about us, and we were crying and everything. And Malika had. And I had started talking in August of 2023. Started. We really started, like, I like you in October 2023, then started dating in November 2023.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the second day of us being boyfriend and girlfriend, we laid it out on each other. They're like.

[B]

We were like, look, this is what it is.

[A]

This is what it is, and this is what we're getting into. I'm going to tell you the worst thing about me. Out the gate. And we never got this advice from anywhere. It is naturally.

[B]

It just happened.

[A]

Happened. And it was actually so beautiful.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm like, we. I think that was really mature of us because this, in our entire relationship in that phase, I can just look back and say we were very intentional. We were very intentional of communicating what it was. Even the stuff that we were struggling and dealing with. Because I'm like, hey, we're gonna say the things that we feel could be very fearful, not only for us, but to the other person. And this could maybe make you leave. But it was the fact that when we said what we said, we basically doubled down and was like, oh, no, I see what you're struggling with and I'm cool with that. And same vice versa. And I'm like, hey, any advice that you're going to get from this, find someone who going to rock with you to the end. Because I'm like, we were people who were like, I'm not. I'm not afraid of what you're saying you're, you know, struggling with and going through right now.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I'm not afraid of your brokenness. Yeah. And I feel like that's what's causing a lot of hedges between relationships is people afraid of people's brokenness. And I knew that whatever you had, I have the endurance to help you same. And I think the problem with that at times is, especially during the dating stage is women often think, if I'm dating a man, he has to be husband material out the gate.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But he's not a husband yet, so he can't be husband material. He could only be boyfriend material. He becomes husband material through your help. Because hen who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor, that favor is your husband material. That comes with the help of the wife. And you can't be husband material until you're a husband. So when you're dating as boyfriend and girlfriend, your partner can only give at the title they're at. And I think it was really great for us to exercise exactly what. What that looked like for us and being very intentional with one another, sharing our truth and not being afraid of each other's darkness and I guess brokenness. And I think that created a greater empathy and a greater compassion for one another. And it prompted in me like, oh, I want to serve you in this, you know, And I actually. Not only does this not scare Me. But I'm more aware of what's actually happening. And we could share with you guys what. What we told each other.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which, you know, it's so crazy that we. I just love that we did this.

[B]

So awesome, because I'm like. I remember when we sat down, and then I out the gate, told you. I was like, hey, I'm not making any money right now. I was. Because I used to make. I was making a ton of money before, and I heard the Lord tell me to leave what I was doing, and I left. And then it was just a season to where I wasn't making a lot of money. And I think what really scared me was. I think I was talking to Emmy, and she was like, yeah, I forgot

[A]

how you said it, babe. I'm so sorry.

[B]

I forgot how you said it. She was just like, yeah. All the other dudes I used to talk to before, they wasn't making no money. And I was like, oh, my goodness.

[A]

He's struggling finances. And I didn't know. I'm so sorry.

[B]

I was like, oh, my God.

[A]

Wait, babe. But what had happened was, like, literally. Okay. Because the thing is, is that before I was dating Malik, I was always kind of like the man of the relationship. So I was always, like, buying the flights, buying the food, buying everything. And I was like, these jokers was broke. Like, I had. I still have men to this day I dated who have not given me my money back. It's very true. Give me my money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I vocalize that to Malik, but I would have never thought you'd gone through anything, like, looking at Belay. Hey. I would have never thought. I would have never thought. You look rich in my eyes. When you told me that, I was actually like, there's no way. This is so crazy.

[B]

So, like, I have money.

[A]

Yes, it did. Mr. Richness.

[B]

Mr. Richness over there.

[A]

But what was really crazy that we found out. So Malik had shared with me that he was struggling with finances out the gate. That really scared him in our relationship. He's like, look, I'm not making any money. And a relationship possibly inquires one day that he's gonna have to make money for providing for the both of us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he told me that the second day of us dating, and I had shared with Malik that I had been going through some tribulation as well. And it was mostly in my mind with dealing with intrusive thoughts, deep anxiousness, depression at times, suicidal ideation still. And I had shared that with Malik, and I said my mind is like, the worst thing. I hate how my mind works. I hate how dysregulated I could be at times. And it's just something that always cries out for help. And I shared that with him, and I was like, yeah, my mind's all over the place. And I'm probably not the most emotionally regulated person, and I'm not even emotionally regulated, but incarcerated by so much fear.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not even just with, like, to be in a relationship that didn't scare me, but fear surrounding everything. Because when there's trauma that happens in safe spaces, your body and literally your brain does not know how to find safety anywhere. And I've shared with Malik, you know, my testimony, the background I came from, and et cetera, and how it's really played into the way I process things and how hard and difficult it's been for me to be the one in my family that actually comes out of that cycle and gets a dub for my family by actually dealing with whatever all of this has been to my family line. And the amount of depression, anxiety, and the gaslighting and coming out of narcissistic abuse and verbal abuse and all those things has taken a great toll on my life. And some of my inner thoughts are still the voices of those that abused me. And I was sharing with Malik that I was just coming out of a lot of that. And. And still, even to this day, I work through it. I mean, your childhood development neurologically is the most important thing phase ever, because it's going to teach you what coach you listen to. And by the grace of God, he has eliminated a lot of those voices and replaced it with himself. But we told each other the worst things about us out the gate. And what I loved about that is that we were both equipped to help each other.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That when you shared with me, you had, you know, financial burdens. That was the. That's an area where I've actually been incredibly gifted, is wealth and finances. And God has always just showed up and provided for me. It's just. It's not because I do anything specific or I have, like, a business plan that I'm going to sell a course for you guys to follow. Like, I don't have any of that. It's just God has been faithful to me through provisions and vice versa. God has been faithful to you regarding stability and assurance and faith, finding safety and even family figures and growing up in a place that felt really safe, I couldn't relate to that, but I knew you had it. But I also knew that I had what you needed as well. And so the very weaknesses that we had were the places that we were able to help and pour into one another.

[B]

Yeah. And I think that was just honesty and transparency from the jump that we just communicated with one another.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, that has led us to where we are today. And I'm like, we continue to still be honest and transparent with everything that we're going through.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, it's so, so needed, like, especially in relationships, especially as we do every day together. It's like, you can't not communicate. You cannot be honest and transparent when the hard days come in when you're struggling. Because I'm like, that is what keeps us unified.

[A]

Yeah. I think confession is such a biblical principle that a lot of people just one ear off the other, and confession has been incredibly important in our entirety of our relationships is Malik and I share our inward thoughts with one another. Scary ones, too. Like, we have shared everything with one another. And one of our mentors have really brought us into the. I guess the illustration that anything that is brought to the light will be exposed. Like, it has no power when it's brought into God's territory. So if we're dealing with things in the darkness in our minds and we keep it honed in there and we don't bring it into the hands of God, because one, every time we confess something that's outside of us, it just feels like it gets a million times less worse.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

When it's in my mind, it's like, dang, this sucks. But then the moment I confess, it's like, oh, this thing actually has no power over the blood of Jesus. Like, I love Hebrews 13. Or actually it's 12, where it says that the sprinkled blood of Jesus speaks a better word than the blood of Abel. Like the blood of Abel representing, like, a curse of man. And so all these things that we feel like are almost equivalent to curses and strongholds and tribulations. The moment that we confess them with our mouth and understand that our mouth declares life and death, there is already a diminutive authority that Jesus Christ's blood has over our problems. And the moment that we get to expose them and we bring the thoughts, which is what it needs to take every single thought captive is. I'm interrogating the crap out of you. Like, you don't get to stay in your cell and. And just cause a ruckus.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And have your voice echo throughout the entire chamber. No, we're bringing you into the office. We're sitting you down and I'm questioning you and know how in like. Like, was it like police movies and stuff? They have, like, the light and they're like, what did she say? Yeah, you know, it's like exposing it to the light, that interrogation light, you know? And it's like when you bring something out of the territory of darkness and you remind it who it belongs to, which is Christ. Everything belongs to him. And you put it back in his hands and it's exposed. It's going to limit your shame and guilt. It's going to limit the actual delusion of how bad it is, and it's going to shed real reality upon the situation. So you could have thought, you could have a feeling and you could expose it to the light and tell the truth. Because I'm never going to be able to address the lie if I'm so scared of talking to the thing that is bringing me so much anxiety. Like, we have to come above ourselves just for a moment and bring on the guidance of Christ and say, okay, in order for me to take this captive, I have to step into authority. Like you take captives captive by stepping into your authority and telling it what it is and what it isn't. So you have to do these with these things that make you scared. And it's easier said than done, but that illustration, like, has really drawn, like, a groundwork of how to be vulnerable and expressive and all those things.

[B]

I don't know. As you were speaking, I was thinking about. And I don't want to jump ahead because I feel like we're still on dating, but I'm just.

[A]

That's the latter part of it.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

It's a transition.

[B]

Yeah, I was. But I was just thinking about the first time I, like, really had, like, this anxiousness come upon me. And it was. It was still around finances, and I was, like, so, so upset, and I didn't even know how I got there. I was just anxious. Like, I couldn't feel my hands, couldn't feel my face. I was so scared. And there's such a truth that you're talking about when we confess with our mouths, because I remember when I brought it to you, it was just in such vulnerability and such honesty that I was just like, hey, this is what is still happening, and I'm tired of it. Like, I'm sick of this. It felt like a wilderness season that I could not get out of. And I was just so anxious. I was just so afraid. I was just so fearful, and I don't know It's. It's. It's a feeling, when you bring it to the light, that there's affirmation and encouragement that. I remember you spoke over me because of the wisdom of. And knowledge of who Jesus Christ is to you and who has what he's given you in your life and what you've gone through.

[A]

And.

[B]

And something that I took from that conversation was, it's so easy. It's so easy to bottle everything up and stay in anxiousness and in fear rather than speak. But the thing that I love about what we have stewarded in our relationship is we've made each other a safe place. You know, a safe place to run to when, you know, things get really bad inside.

[A]

Yeah. And do you want to know every time, which we end up always confessing to each other what's actually happening?

[B]

Yeah, we do.

[A]

There's never been a time where it's like, oh, I'm actually telling you what's happening. We always do tell each other what's actually happening, even though it takes a while. But do you want to know what that hindrance is? It's always shame. Yes, it's always shame. And I think of Psalms 34. 5, and I love it. And it's like, what is it talking about in regards to shame in our. Our sight of the lord in Psalms 35. 4, and it says, let them be. Where is it? Wait, 3, 4, 5. I'm on 35. 5. I was like, hello, 3, 4, 5. Where it says, those who look to him are radiant and their faces shall never be ashamed. And it's like the analogy that if I look at a light, you do not see. If I look directly at a light, you should not see a shadow. My face is fully radiated with the light that is bouncing off of my face. And when we're unashamed, we could look to God in His fullness of glory, but when we are ashamed, we're looking at ourselves, which is where we see shadows. We're looking at the person next to us, to the right, off wondering somewhere. But if we keep our eyes on the Son, we are fully encapsulated by the glory of God, and we have nothing to be ashamed about because Jesus Christ has paid the price for us all.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, yeah, I think there has been so much intentionality and power. Just I. I think there. There was a lot of intentionality that went into our dating stage, and it had to be put into our dating stage so we could obviously get some engagement, get to marriage.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then also understand we were Dating for purpose and not just for fun.

[B]

Yes. We were for sure dating for purpose. And I think that was a really like prominent question that we asked during our dating season and like really figuring out, okay, we're not just dating each other because we look really good and we're attracted to each other, but like, why are we actually together? And we knew from the moment we started dating that hell was trembling. Hell was trembling because of what was about to come through this union. And I think from dating engagement into marriage, it's been literally like so much spiritual warfare trying to stop all of this from happening.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And it's like we have been so protected, so covered and there's been such a purpose. I feel like through all of this that the Lord has been teaching us on everything. If we look back what has happened, it's. I feel like I can look to the future and I don't know what's going to happen, but I know based on what has happened, what's to come. And it's that the Lord will be glorified. And there's something that he's been producing in us for a generation. And I honestly feel like we don't even know what it is fully. But it had to come when we first asked the question of what is the purpose of this and not just doing it to do it. Cuz I'm like, anyone can get together with someone who they think is attractive, but yes, that person may be a missionary and you may be called to the local church and it's like, yet like that's not the same thing. Like the Lord wants this person to be sent out and he wants you to be planted here. And I feel like, you know, in this you just have to know what the Lord is calling you to do before you get into a relationship.

[A]

Yeah. And I think that also plays into like how you said if you have two separate people, just two separate callings, I mean, which in some cases it could work. I mean if God is just like, yeah, sure. But I think it's understanding the purpose and I think we knew this the moment we started dating is that everything about you was growing to another level because our relationship was pushing you there. And same vice versa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was almost as if my gifts were being accelerated and magnified because you came in as a helper and God was almost foreshadowing this union we were about to have. But I really relate to the moment when we had. I don't remember if you remember me telling you this, and it was the, the night you asked me to be your girlfriend. And we were eating those boa buns at the joinery, and I was like, malik, I feel like there's a target on my back and the devil really hates this. And I don't have to tell you,

[B]

I do remember that. I do remember that. I do remember that.

[A]

I said that the moment Malik asked me to be his girlfriend.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The. Like, probably an hour later. And I. I'm not the type to really, like, say stuff like that, but I felt it, and I was like, yes, I really feel like this is not what the devil wanted for me.

[B]

No. It literally felt like a. I don't know how to describe it. It felt like a. Like a. Like. It felt like a shift. It felt like a. Like. I don't know how. How I was, like, looking at everything in my perspective. It was just like. Like, I don't. I don't know how to explain it, but it was just a shift.

[A]

I felt like I got incredibly aligned. We had started life together. It was like there's a divine alignment that the Lord has put us in. And I think it's just. We're just supposed to be together. It's the Lord's will. And I think sometimes when we lean too much on aesthetics and when we don't lean enough on purpose and assignment, which, again, I'm not saying that marriage is primarily used for ministry. That's not what we're saying. Because marriage is the first ministry.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What I am saying is that there is oftentimes a prematurity and an impatience that sparks on the inside, especially of young adults, that comes through passion and lust of the eyes, loves, lust, the flesh, and the pride of life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To where people can prematurely get married thinking that, oh, because I'm Christian and this person's Christian, it has to work out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just because a person's Christian and you have the same belief system doesn't mean that. That the relationship is always going to be fruitful.

[B]

No.

[A]

And I think that's our goal always, is that no matter what we do, the goal of it is for it to produce fruit, to give God glory.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's not necessarily what's the purpose of ministry, but what's the purpose of our marriage? Because the purpose should be to bear fruit. And if we're constantly thorning each other out, it's not going to work. And so not only were we compatible, of course we were attracted to one another. Of course we got along as friends, as best friends, but we were more compatible as leaders. And as pastors and leading a generation and sharing a heart that loves people so much and just wants to give people a safe space. And that and knowing that we both had almost the same path was the biggest confirmation.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then along the way, seeing that you were exalting and magnifying the things that God has already put on the inside of me and say vice versa. And your presence was not diluting me. If anything, it was helping me.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I think sometimes when people get together, the two people are completely diluted of the person God has called them to be. But God had exalted us and shown us, this is who you really are. And I'm using this person to bring it outside of you. And that was really special.

[B]

I feel like we did a tremendous job even now serving each other. Like, feel like our entire dating, engagement, married life has been serving each other.

[A]

It has.

[B]

I feel like we've been doing a really good job.

[A]

Yeah. And there was a huge shift from dating to engagement, which that I, like, actually wasn't prepared for that, I think. I, like cognitive. I remember when you, like, when I saw you, because how you proposed to me. He flew out. He already saw me the week before. In California.

[B]

Yeah. So I, like, saw her in California the week before. She didn't know I was coming back. I was telling her that I was speaking at a church. So my phone's going to be off. I'm not going to be able to talk to you. But I had already got the place. It was in Malibu. Called all her family, all her friends in California flew in.

[A]

My best friend from New York flew.

[B]

Her best friend from New York. I had some of my best friends fly in. My parents flew in. And she didn't know. She didn't know what was happening. She didn't know I was in Cali. I had turned off my location, like, I think months before because I was like, you're just not gonna know when it happens. And I remember seeing her face when she came around that corner. She was just in disbelief.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But Emmy's the type of person, like, she. She knew when it was happening. Like, she knew when it was happening, what day it was happening. But I feel like Emmy is so smart that she psyched herself out.

[A]

Yes, I did. I did.

[B]

She was like, no, that's not it. But what if it is? No, but it is not.

[A]

Yeah. So I doubted myself. So whenever I saw you, I was like, oh, my gosh. I was right. I can't believe it. But I was. But it was such a surprise. Because I didn't think I'd be right. Like, it was just like. When you're expecting the ring, you think of everything. I mean, that's just like. That's just girl thing.

[B]

Yeah. And me trying to just figure it out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, when it's gonna happen.

[A]

That alone. The engagement, just the first day of it, was really insane because I was going through a really weird season. I'd shared this, but I had gone through a medical malpractice where I was getting chronic sinus affections because of the frequency of how much I was flying. And I was pretty much overdosed by medication with dexamethasone, a Z pack, flonase. I mean, flonase doesn't really do anything. It's just a nasal spray. And the dexamethasone is a cortosteroid to where you're supposed to taper it, so you're supposed to take little doses in the beginning and then gradually scale yourself up and then scale yourself down. And so. And the Z pack and the dexamethasone simultaneously at the same time is just incredibly crazy. I can't believe they let me take that at the same time. But they didn't have me taper the corticosteroid. And so from that malpractice, I gained about 20 pounds of.25 pounds of water retention in a week, which was incredibly painful. I was bloated around my face, my arms, my stomach, you name it. It was terrifying. It hurt. I felt so unconfident and so unlike myself because I weigh about 1:25. And then I jumped to 1:50. I felt like my skin was exploding and my appetite was gone, and I started feeling really weird. My mind, I was having, like, scary brain fog. Um, and honestly just flushed it all out of my system. They were like, we're not gonna give you any more meds because the meds is what made you sick. Um, and so whenever I was proposed to, I was walking that out, and I was dealing with, like, a lot of bodily shame that felt really sad during the time. And then I'd lost the. The 25 pounds leading up to the wedding. Honestly, more because I was on a crazy calorie deficit and I was getting tea for the wedding. Like, what are we talking about? But Malik was incredibly affirming throughout that process. And I think that was, like, one of the first warfares of the engagement was like, there was, like, this medical malpractice and walking out my identity and just, like, kind of like my body and stuff like that. Which I've never dealt with before. I've always been really, really confident in my skin. And that was the first time I wasn't. And I was like, what's happening? And yeah, that was like a really insane season. But you just came along and helped me beside it. And it was like so awesome. Just through your affirmation and the way you made me feel that day was so magical. And I could just look back at that day and be like, oh my gosh, like, I can't believe that happened the way that it did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But there was plenty of more things that happened during our engagement to where it was like, does the devil not want us to get married? Like, there's. There's a point to where I'm like, I don't want to play things on the devil because, like, that's just doing too much. Like, there's. There's no way. I'm a child of God. He don't got this much power simultaneously. There's so much happening to where it's like, is something up?

[B]

Yeah, it was a lot happening during our engagement season because we almost didn't get married. And y' all don't know that. Yeah, we almost did not get married.

[A]

Like, I mean, like nothing.

[B]

Nuh. Yeah, it was, it was, it was. What can I say? I think for me, on my part, I was struggling with a double. A lot of double mindedness within. Not because there was another female or anything. I mean, has always been the one and only. Has always been the one and only. The one and only. But it, it was, it was a lot of honestly double mindedness, if.

[A]

Surrounding your purpose.

[B]

Yeah, surrounding my purpose. If I was supposed to marry Emmy, what the Lord wanted me to do. And it was. I feel like there's just a lot of confusion in that. And like the Bible says a double minded man is unstable in all his ways. I was so unstable. I think February 2024 to about March 2024. We.

[A]

I was 25, babe.

[B]

Oh, it was five. It was 25. Yeah, it was, was. It was February 2025 to March 2025. I was like fasting. We were fasting for like two months. We were skinny because we was like, lord, we need answers. This. Yeah, yeah. It was a lot of stuff happening. And what we have come to realize that there was just a lot of things, opinions, other things that really wasn't priorities. We were putting them above our future marriage and the season that we were in right there. Because our marriage was and is our first priority. Excuse me. There you Go and does. I feel like that's just a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, what was happening?

[A]

I think the greatest challenge in our engagement because it's like, to those who are listening, they're like, dang, like, how'd it get that bad? To where y' all almost calling it off? Like, you could have just like, extended it or something. I think there were lack of a better words for the sake of confidentiality. There were lots of voices by other people on their perception of what our purpose was. And because of that, it was causing an incredible amount of confusion, not just to Malik, but also to me. And we had to stick to what God originally said, stand strong on it. And more importantly, through fasting and praying, reading our word, getting closer to the voice of the Lord, getting the voices away. And again, Malik and I, even to this day, don't really argue at all. Like, we'll just have, like, what is. What is the word that we heard? Oh, what is it called? Oh, do you know what I'm talking about?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Something disagreements. It's like. It's like, holy.

[B]

Is holy something?

[A]

Or fellowship or something like that. Heated fellowship.

[B]

Heated fellowship, yeah.

[A]

We'll have heated fellowship sometimes. But aside from that, like, we, Malik and I get too along.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so throughout the entirety of our engagement, it was really frustrating because what was tearing us apart wasn't even us or problem we had with one another. It was people actively coming between our marriage, we. With the agenda to split us apart.

[B]

Yeah. And I had to just make a decision and be like, oh, no, I'm marrying Emmy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And after that, I feel like one. Okay, so one. I feel like something that one of my really good friends told me, because he's also married, is in those moments to where I was feeling double minded to remember and track the moments where I felt the presence of the Lord. And I remember there was a specific time I was being. I was so anxious. I was so stressed. And then we was on the phone and mind you, we were long distance throughout this entire time, and we were. I was about to break it off long distance, and I was on the phone with you, and I. I remember I was just so anxious. And you prayed for me. And I remember after you got done praying. Oh, actually, as you were praying, I felt the peace of the Lord come upon me. And I remember after you prayed, he was like, malik, did you feel the peace of the Lord come upon you? And I was like, this girl here, Jesus. I was like, she hear the Lord. And that was a special moment. And I And I wrote it down. I still have it in my notes today. And I, and I went back and wrote down every moment to where I know the Lord has shown up for us. From when I had no money and somehow he paid for the entire engagement. He paid for all the rings that we've gotten. And I didn't have to spend a dime. Like, the Lord showed up and provided and even times to where I, I, I didn't need money. It was like, oh, I got this deal out of nowhere. This deal out of nowhere. And it was like the Lord showed up. And I think after the decision of being like, nope, we're supposed to get married. And I know this is from the Lord, then I, I believe that was the beginning of the journey of him teaching us what marriage looks like.

[A]

I think it's so crazy. While there was so much spiritual warfare that was happening to our during our engagement, there was also simultaneously so much affirmation that was happening. Godly affirmation, like miraculous affirmation. Like stuff to where it's like, this is nobody but God. And it was always being answered right. Right after we prayed it and right after we was seeking Him. And I think what was really intentional during our engagement process, which I really hope this encourages somebody because you do not understand the spiritual warfare of engagement when you are marrying the person you're supposed to marry until you go through it. Oh, my gosh. And what I would say is First John 1:4 for everything. First John for everything. Like, test every single spirit.

[B]

Test that mode.

[A]

The devil will not go far. He will stay very, very close and he will even use very trusting voices to try to deceive you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I had shared a, a passage with Malik. It's my, I'm gonna teach it on this podcast and I can't wait until I do about 1st Kings 13, which is one of my favorite favorite passages ever, because it shows a young prophet who leaned on the voice of an old prophet who was deceived instead of leaning onto the voice of God. And it led to his own death. And because this man had trusted into again, this wasn't a false prophet. He was a prophet. He was just older. But the Lord allowed him to be deceived for a moment to test the young prophet if he really heard the voice of God. There were tons of moments like that in our engagement. Yeah. And I knew from the jump that there was like really an attack. And I think for Malik and his double mindedness and divisive thinking and confusion, the Lord just had to work through him. And it had to be something where I just took my hands off and just trust that the Lord was going to speak to you. And he did. And God would confirm to me through dreams and even regarding, like, the wedding. And this is actually really crazy, too, because everybody's liking our Instagram photos, like, oh, my God, you're about to get married. And like. Like, in my Bachelorette of, oh, my gosh, they're Palm Springs and the riding horses and all these things. Y' all don't even know that. On the third and night of my Bachelorette, I was hospitalized because the. Of the most insane panic attack of my entire life. My whole body seized up. I thought I was dying, which, by the way, panic attacks have been normal to me before. I was diagnosed with panic attack disorder when I was 18. So I know what it's like to have a panic attack. Like, this isn't new to me. This panic attack was at a different level to where it's, like, odd. Nah. Like, the enemy don't like that I'm doing this right now, and he don't like that I'm celebrating our union, that we're going to step into marriage, et cetera. And it was nuts. The amount of crazy. I don't even. Just like, the craziness of our engagement season and the amount of stress we were going through and anxiety because the enemy was doing the best thing he could, which is deceive us, because we gotta think the devil. And I don't like talking about him too much. He is the best liar. He is the best liar. He lies very, very well. He's the father of lies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's the only thing he's good at. He just lies, lies, lies, lies. So it is almost easy for somebody to fall into the lies of the enemy when he's really good at it, as the enemy was lying his tail off.

[B]

He was lying, bro.

[A]

I was lying. But God was showing up in ways that were like, oh, my gosh, God's in this. Like, yes. For an example, the entirety of our wedding. We had no idea how that was going to happen. Nope. I transparently, uh. My family has. I love that my family helped me out as much as they did. It was so awesome. Because I do not come from the richest family. Um, and I also don't have a relationship with my father, which was really heartbreaking through this season. I think that was also something through engagement that I was navigating as well is, like, the anticipation of, like, oh, I'm about to get married, and I'M reaching out to my dad and he doesn't want to reach back out to me. And he didn't show up to my wedding, which was really hard. But with that being said, I didn't have financially. Haven't been the most supportive my entire life. And I was like, lord, I feel like I'm supposed to have the wedding in my dreams. I just have no idea how that's going to happen. I even attempted to thrift a wedding dress and that didn't even work. God was like, no, you need to put it away and get a brand new wedding dress. Like get what you want. And my dress was only $2,000, which is nuts because wedding dresses should be like six and mine was like two. And it was like perfect. And then even to the wedding expenses, just like super transparent with finances. The only people who contributed to our wedding was my family and was built of three women. My Mimi, my niecey and my mom. And that's like my village I grew up with. My mom worked overtime for like six months at her nursing job to pull in $5,000. And then my niece and my Mimi brought in collectively 7,500. And so they brought in 12. $12,000, almost 13. And the wedding, I think our budget was 48,000. So then I'm like, I got to build this 36,000 out of somewhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then that's like the dress and the hair and still the Bachelorette and everything. And God was providing. I got one brand deal. One brand deal that covered the entirety of the wedding experience.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

The entirety of Jesus. Even down to our honeymoon. Yeah, you guys, this is just the

[B]

brand deal for the honeymoon.

[A]

We were supposed to go on a brand trip with Amazon Prime.

[B]

To the uk. Yes, to the uk.

[A]

And tragically, tragically and sadly, this is whatever. The wildfires in LA had happened and we were devastated. I was really devastated because I'm from California and seeing a lot of my friends going through such a like terrifying time. They canceled the trip and they were like, yeah, we just want to be really sensitive to what's happening in la because the actors that were in the movie were going to meet us out there and they're like, their houses are burning like right now. And they said, so, you know, we're so sorry. We know this trip is a week out, so we're going to reimburse you a kill fee. I was like, okay, cool. They're going to give us like $2,000 or $200 or something like that.

[B]

No.

[A]

And I also, it was crazy because Two days before, I was like, lord, my dream is to go to Rome for our honeymoon. I have no idea how that's going to happen. I have no money to do it. Like, just show me what you want us to do for our honeymoon. And we were trying to plan it out. And so I get on the Zoom call with the representative from Amazon prime and she goes, she tells us everything. And she's like, okay, we're gonna wire the kill fee to you and it is gonna be $4,000, which was the budget that we had. Like, the budget to go to Italy. And I was like, there's absolutely no way. And we had booked a 10 day trip to Rome with the $4,000 that we got. And it was like, nuts because it's like, that's like me inviting somebody to my birthday party that I canceled the birthday party and then I sent them a gift.

[B]

Yeah, you. No, exactly.

[A]

That made no sense. And so it was just like things like that where God was just showing up and supplying. And God was like, hey. And to all my girls out there who, like, don't have parents that are showing up or don't have a strong enough of a support system, I promise you, I did not have the money. Like, girl, I. I should have gotten in debt over the wedding, but I did not. And even we got so many influencer deals and people were just being so generous around her wedding. It was nuts. It was so nuts. And it was like, wow, like, how amazing is this? And I would just encourage those who feel like they don't have a support system that God is more than able. He's incredibly more than able. And God supplied for me, when I thought nobody was going to show up, and when people even actively betrayed me of showing up and told me that they would show up and didn't, God showed up and he supplied. And so that was just like the affirmations through our engagement of like, oh, no. Like, we're wrestling with this, but God keeps confirming that it's supposed to be to him.

[B]

God's hand is on it.

[A]

And the peace of God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Every time we spoke with one another, every time we put each other first.

[B]

Yeah. It was the favor of the Lord and the peace of the Lord that was just on it. He just rested. He was just resting on us. He was like, oh, no, Malik and Emmy, this is what you want to do. It's going to happen. And watch. And he literally did, like, he showed. Showed up in every area.

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

it's so sweet. Yeah, it is really sweet. It's like, when you look back, it's like there's. There's no way we could have done it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But he did.

[A]

And I think it's also acknowledging that in the Christian life and when you're moving towards purpose, because I don't think we realize that during our engagement, it was spiritual warfare, but it was like, pruning. God's like, I have to cut off these places because I want fruit to come out of here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it was constant pruning, constant cutting, and it felt really hurtful during the time. But just like Hebrews 12, it says that they hated discipline for a while, but what discipline does not a good father give to their children so they can learn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And rise up for, like, even in

[B]

that time, too, there's a lot of emphasis to where he also showed up and allowed us to see each other, which was what we needed during that season.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Of us going to. Yeah. I don't want to name, like, dip, but the different brand events that we were able to go to together, it was, like, miraculous.

[A]

Oh, no. It was like, we haven't been invited to anything like that ever since. Like, we were abundant. And we're gonna fly you out brand deals all. Yeah.

[B]

And give us two different rooms and come together. I'm just like, yeah. Thank you, Lord. This is what we need in this terrible time that we're going through right now.

[A]

It's like, each other be face to face.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because long distance was very hard to have conflicts in because I was getting upset with Malik because he was being harsh with me. And I was like, I feel like you're being harsh because you don't understand. I'm a real person. I'm not just a girly pop on the screen. You remember me?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I was like, I feel like you don't understand. I'm a real person. Like, I was like, get the freaking balls, bro, and come out to fly out to California. And if you really want to break up to me, say to my face. And the moment every time we saw each other was like, this is my husband. This is my wife.

[B]

Yeah. But then you also do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, there was a moment in California, even when we were face to face, I was like, are we about to end this right now?

[A]

Because I was like, you keep playing games with me, and I can't feel like I'm about to spaz. Like, I feel about to. Like, it was really rash out, bro. And it was because the warfare was so thick. And I mean, like, Giants like, you want to talk about Goliath, It's a numerous amount of people, like principality strongholds, that was incredibly devastating, things of which were even still walking through. And it was incredibly traumatic. And. But what kept us was the faithfulness of God and sticking to what he originally said first.

[B]

Yeah. And I feel like once we did that, that's when we got into the momentum of, okay, this is how I can be a great husband and a great wife and learning from the Scriptures and learning from the Lord what it looks like to be, you know, a husband. And, you know, for me, I remember having a conversation with Jonathan Stamper, and when we went out to lunch with him and I was talking to him, he was. He was breaking down Isaiah 53 to me and what it looks like to actually die, actually die for my bride and to give my life for her and to serve her. And as Ephesians 5 talks about, to sanctified, to cleanse, and to wash my bride daily with a word and with scripture and what it looks like to be a safe place. And I think when I do that, that's. That's what safety looks like. Not only just in a physical place, but emotionally, spiritually leading, leading moments. And it comes through serving and it comes to dying. Because Isaiah 53 talks about how he. How he, Jesus, he was pierced for our transgressions and bruised for. For our iniquities. And upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace. And I remember talking to Jonathan and he was like, true peace for your bride comes through you dying. And that's something, you know, even in the engagement season, even now, I feel like I'm still learning how to, you know, operate in true peace, you know, and what it looks like to give myself for my bride. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's really powerful. And I feel like there was so much equipping through that season. I think one of the things I actively talk about during the engagement season, I was losing the grace to be single.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All of a sudden, all the things I could do on my own, I couldn't. And I was like, what's happening? But, like, I could do all these things, and now I can't. Like, God was actively showing me and preparing me for marriage and stripping away independency and, I mean, hyper. Independency.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It doesn't mean my independency and my identity has been lost throughout marriage, but what it has shown me is that God was showing me greater submission. And when I think of greater submission, I don't think of servanthood in a sense of slavery. Right. When I think of submission, I don't think of slavery. I think of servanthood. And more importantly, I think of dependence. And in that season, especially growing up in a household that teaches you to be hyper independent and to be the parent of your siblings and puts you in a constant fight and flight, parental role, highly in control. Whatever it may be, the engagement season kind of forced me to be incredibly dependable upon God, of which prepared me to be dependent upon you. And it doesn't mean that I'm not dependent on the Lord anymore. It means that I have two big, great shoulders I can rely on, which is you and him. And that that dependence has sparked something so feminine on the inside of me.

[B]

Yeah, you love pink.

[A]

Love it. I'm a nut job for it. And I think there's so many people who are like, oh, Emmy, like, you're so soft. I wouldn't argue that I turned soft. I would argue that I turned dependent because I was so independent off of this hyper masculinity of energy from my childhood, taught me to be the man, taught me to be the parent, taught me to be the emotionally healthy one that taught me to be the leader. That the moment I met a man like you, Malik, who was able to make me feel safe and I could finally rest at night, I was able to not fall into just a form of softness, but I'm falling into this alignment of dependence. And that dependence wasn't only necessary for our marriage, but that dependence was necessary for my relationship with the Lord. And it's something that I've not tasted or seen until hopping into marriage, because I didn't realize how control obsessed I was and how obsessed I was, how obsessed I was with feeling empowered by my own decisions. Does that make sense? I now feel empowered by submitting to your decisions because I'm confident that the Lord speaks to you. And I've seen it. And I needed somebody stronger than me. I needed somebody emotionally intellectual. I needed somebody who was able to listen to God in ways that I never heard him and lead me to his presence time after time. And God has used you to help me to solely depend on him and no longer depend on myself.

[B]

Yeah. And I feel like something we've learned. This was something that we kind of learned in our marriage. But how? I'm like, I forgot how it was. I'm the fire pit and you're the fire. Nope, it was the opposite. Yeah, you're the fire. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the fireplace. You're the fireplace and I'm the fire of having everything, like detail oriented together. And I'm basically the fire. But even so much so, I feel like where we have been able to help each other grow in a lot of different areas is I feel like I'm very presence based, like in. In the form of Holy Spirit, God. I can sit in your presence. I can play piano. I'm like, when I sit and play piano, I'm just. I feel like I'm transported to the holy of Holies and I'm like, lord, I'm here. Like, I know that I operate and live in sonship and that you see me in this, in this whole. In this whole thing. Right. And for you not saying that you do not have that, but there's such an authority that you speak with, with a word. And I feel like when we come together, it's, it's. It ain't nothing to be played with. It's like, because you can get truth and presence and you can get the power of God and the presence of God in the same place. And I feel like we've both been able to sharpen and sharpen that gift for one another and what that looks like. And it's just been a lot of preparing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That I have been feeling. It's for something that we don't even know yet. But the Lord has given us vision for it.

[A]

Yeah. I think. And I think the vision comes from the compassion we have, not just for him, but for his people. Having a heart for what his heart has. Like having. Wanting the same burdens that God has for his people, for his creation, whatever it may be, and just asking for those things and creating. Creating a soil that could hold something like that. And I think of when Jesus says that his yoke is easy and his burden is like, there's a yoke and there's a burden. Whatever that is, I want it. And if it's easy and if it's light, cool, amazing. But I want what you have.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And not for myself. Like, I want to do it with you. And I want to be like you. I don't want to be you. I want to be like you. I want to share your glory. I want to show your goodness. I want to understand everything about you. Because I'm just so mad almost in this, like, majesty, like, of him and wonder and something that you were saying, even regards to being presence based and our gifting, sharpening, sharpening one another. I think that also played into the different backgrounds we grew up in. Malik Is a pk Psychologically, he comes from a very. He has safe attachment, safe style. I have at times anxious attachment style or disassociated attachment styles. And coming from me, a place where there have been a. There's been a lot of abuse. There's been lots of neglect and abandonment. Coming into our relationship with the man who's always been secure caused so much restoration because we were able to teach each other so many things. It was almost as like I was coming to this realization, I didn't know life was this good. And then you were coming to this realization of, I didn't realize life could be this hard and challenging. And we've really sharpened areas. I've given you a lot of realism, and you've given me also a lot of realism as well, but in hope and compassion. And I've given you realism as far as trials, tribulations, struggles, and meeting people there and helping brokenness and what that looks like, because I bless God that I could empathize with broken people because I've been very broken myself, and I know what it feels like. I want to say this real quick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Remember when we were watching the Chosen, and I was like, malik, if you were a disciple, you would be John. You're just like, so loving. Like, I could totally see you writing. Jesus loved me.

[B]

Yeah. I'm the beloved.

[A]

Yes. I was like, like, so sweet. He's just like a golden retriever of a boy. You're just so sweet, so kind, so precious, Incredibly passionate and loving. You stand on business about the right things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was telling, like, I was like, if. If. If you were a disciple. Watching the Chosen, I was like, I think you'd be John. So sweet. And so then I asked Malik, I was like, if I was a disciple, which one do you think I'd be?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let me tell you.

[B]

So funny.

[A]

Let me tell you my. My guesses for myself. I'm thinking he'd say like, Peter, because I'd be quick to chop somebody ear off. Like, absolutely. I don't play about G or the zealot. Like, the zealot. I would have been like one of the Simon. Simon Peter or Simon the Zealot. Like, in between, I was like, I feel it. Like, uhhuh. I could. I could totally sense, you know, being super aggressive, you know, at times.

[B]

This is so funny.

[A]

And so the Malik, I. I wasn't even thinking around it. And he said, I think you'd be John. And I was like, what? Because I just said malik would be John. He's I was like, John. He said, yeah, John the Baptist. And I was like, what? He was like, yeah, like that, man. Different. Like, I mean, I know, I know

[B]

John's not a disciple, but I was like, technically he is. Technically he prepared away. But I was like, yo, you would be John. You would be the person that's like, I'm going to the king and I'm

[A]

telling him he's in sin.

[B]

I'm going be bold and I don't care what's going to happen.

[A]

Like, bro, that's you.

[B]

You're going to walk up there and be like, yeah, King, you're in sin and you need to stop like this for sure. You.

[A]

No, I would. That's like so my personality style, I'm just like, bro, if somebody like, down bad, like, I got nothing to lose. You got like something ahead of you that I don't want you to touch. It's like. So when he said. He compared me to John the Baptist, I was. And it's funny because in the chosen, like John the Baptist just like cut a little different, you know, got that shagginess to his hair. Yeah, he's like, incredibly prophetic. I'm flattered. And simultaneously I was like, yeah, he

[B]

was like, yo, John.

[A]

John the Baptist. I was. I was talking about one of the original 12 apostles.

[B]

Yeah, it was so funny.

[A]

Oh, it was so funny.

[B]

No, it really was.

[A]

That was really hilarious.

[B]

That was a moment.

[A]

Oh, Ludlow. So hard. I was like, babe, I think you're John. He's like, no, no, John the.

[B]

John the Baptist. Let's clarify what we're talking about right now.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, it's a compliment.

[A]

I'll take it.

[B]

Yeah. But I feel like those are just moments that, you know, we can laugh and have fun in our marriage. And getting into marriage, I feel like one we just gotta not say the whole story, but just a little bit of like the best day of our life was our wedding day. It was perfect. The Lord showed up. He even showed up in. In rain.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because we got married in Florida. Emmy's dream wedding is an outdoor wedding. And in that there was a moment to where our wedding planner, she was starting to set up the whole wedding inside.

[A]

Because in Florida was like, what are you doing?

[B]

Yeah. And in a for summer wedding in Florida, it's like, yeah, it's about to rain every day. And she was just preparing for that. And then she goes to you, right?

[A]

Yes, she did go to me.

[B]

She goes to you and she's like, hey, it's supposed to Rain. I'm setting it up inside. And Amy is like, my dream wedding is for it to be outside. I don't really know what to do. So go. Whatever the Lord tells my husband, that's what we're doing. And our wedding planner, Kelsey, she comes to me and she's like, hey, Emmy wants to have it outside. It's going to rain. We're setting it up inside, basically. What do you want to do? And me, I'm like, practically speaking, if it's gonna rain. I was like, maybe we should do it outside. And she's like, but Emmy's dream is to do it outside. And I was like, okay. I was like, okay, let's. Let's do it outside. She was like, are you sure? I was like, yes. I have enough faith to believe if we do it outside, it's not gonna rain. And we have the wedding outside. People already showing up at this point.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They take all the chairs, they put him outside, and we have the wedding outside. And I promise you, the.

[A]

The mo.

[B]

The last person that came in from outside, that's when it just started pouring down rain after ceremony, after the ceremony. And we were like, this is the favor of the Lord. It was so beautiful. And it's like, yes, Lord, you're here. And you have shown up, not only just at the ceremony, but even after. And this is amplifying your favor, your glory. And it was so amazing to witness. And that was simply the best day.

[A]

He poured out on us.

[B]

Oh, no. He literally did.

[A]

It was like, here's my present, my presence. I'm here with you. And I think the Lord showed us. It was like the. It was miraculous. You had to be there to experience it. It was nuts. And then also, I think other things regarding, like, just things that weren't, I guess, common in a wedding with the miraculous miracle of rain. And then also, I think our community has been such an amazing backbone for us. We have the bestest people in our corner. When I tell you every single person was on that dance floor. I have never been to a wedding that was that lit. And it felt like everybody was so intentional. Now you just go to weddings and people doze off, do their own thing. They take their Instagram pictures. They're just on their phone. No, like, nothing in sight. There was literally just people just so happy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And wanted to celebrate us. And we really realized, like, lord, not only are you breathing on this, but we have such an empowering community that surrounds us in this. And it was, like, really awesome.

[B]

It was beautiful. And I Think after our wedding and doing everything, I really believe the Lord just graced us to enjoy our marriage. Like and he taught us so much. He taught us so much in the first couple of months. Like I know we're only like six months in at the time, but he taught us so much. Even when you first moved down here, we were going to my parents church and we're going to Jesus image. And in that time he really solidified our marriage with the, with learning the foundation of what sonship and daughtership looks like. And I remember I came back home and I started reading Romans 8 and it just talks about how when you hear the Holy Spirit actually let me go to it and read it. So I'm not butchering it.

[A]

No, you're good. You flipping them really fast.

[B]

Yep. And he says Romans 8:14. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of adoption as sons by whom you cry Abba, Father. And the Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God and have children than heirs, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. And I remember reading this and he just started solidifying and teaching the foundation of our marriage of. And that is our identity in Him. And I think, you know, I feel like we can break down the scripture, but I don't know if we have the complete time to do it. But it's, it's, it's amazing to see that when we're adopted as sons and daughters, that is something that is irrevocable.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then it's also amazing to see that in verse 16 that the Spirit also bears bears witness. And you know, even looking at this, that word bearing witness, it's kind of like a law term which is also meaning testifying. And like it's amazing to see how the Holy Spirit, in times where we don't feel like adopted sons, will testify to us that we are sons and daughters. And it's special. And it's so special. I remember learning that in our, in the beginning of our marriage and I was like, man, we're so loved by the Father. And even going back, you know, to verse 15, not we did not receive the spirit of slavery. And I feel like what it taught us in that was the spirit of slavery is you wanting to perform, you wanting to do all these things for attention, to try to earn your love and what he was teaching us out the gate was like, hey, I love you for you, and I just want you to rest in me and be submitted into me, you know? And we didn't fall back into fear because of that, you know? And I think that was just something that was so special that I remember that really marked the beginning of marriage for. For me just learning. Learning about this simple, you know, scripture,

[A]

who we really belong to. And I think that limited us from idolizing one another.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because this is the first time we're living with one another where we're in close proximity, and the Lord put a stamp on the both of us, and he said, you belong to me.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And that stamp of identification and the filling of the Holy Spirit has caused an incredible amount of certainty and confidence in our walk in marriage. And even just keeping our marriage in the. Well, we're six months right now. By the time this episode comes out, we'll probably be eight months. But keeping our marriage through date nights and keeping it fun and lively and sitting and praying with one another, and there's even just been so many spiritual breakthrough moments we've had with one another. Oh, my gosh. Like, we wake it up in the middle of the night, praying together.

[B]

We wake up in the middle of the night. RoboCop. So cool. Like, speaking in tongues. Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All praying for one another.

[A]

Yeah. Laying hands.

[B]

Oh, man, this room right here is so special. Like, I feel like the day we, like, leave this apartment, I'm a look at that room and just cry because I'm like, there's been so many special moments, even in six months, that the Lord has just given us vision, given us dreams. I'm like, you know, at the time, like, this is where behold him. Like, behold him was birthed in this room, there is vision and so many things birthed in this room. And it was just us yielding ourselves to the Spirit.

[A]

Yeah. Making it like a personal sanctuary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which has been really awesome. I'm blessed. I get to do it with you. And marriage has been so sacrificial. It's, like, costly, but it's the best type of costliness. I was looking for the scripture, and then I closed my Bible, and I was like, why would I do that? But in Genesis, when God gives his covenant to Abraham and he splits the two doves in half, and God's presence and smoke walks through the doves presented before an altar, it's like, the moment we said yes to one another, we were at an altar. Things die at an altar. And I knew that as we died to our singleness into the past season and everything that we thought was already enough, God begins to just show us that there's more. And it's not more provisions, things of life, abundance. It's more of him more.

[B]

More of his presence, just more of him.

[A]

And I think that's what I've loved so much about our marriage, is that it's just more of him, and it's not like how I. How it used to look. I think that's something we even just talk about now is, you know, newlywed. It's such a. Interesting season because you're transitioning out of things that you've done your entire life, and now you're combining two worlds together. And it is a beautiful tragedy because you're saying bye to things that you were once so comfortable with.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And God is speaking in new ways. And he's no longer in the old, but he's in the new. And it takes a lot of grieving and it takes a lot of intentionality and sightfulness to seek the Lord in those areas and to believe that he moves and he changes and he doesn't stay in the same place, but wherever he is, that's the safest place.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know? Yep.

[B]

He's been so safe.

[A]

He's been the safest place. He's our refuge.

[B]

He is. And it's beautiful to see how he's used each other as a safe place.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I'm thinking about the time when I. When I felt like this burden on my heart. And so I just tell the story. It's. I was fasting for about three days. I did a water fast, and Emmy was so tuned in with the Spirit,

[A]

but I was not fasting.

[B]

She was not fasting. She wasn't fasting. She wasn't fasting. But there was just moments in the fast. Like, we go two days in, and I'm like, Jesus, just water is struggling. And I remember I was sitting on the couch, and Emmy was like, babe, how are you doing? And I was just like, I just. I'm just trying to see God. Like, I just want to speak to the Lord. She was like, let's go in a room right now. Let's go speak to him. Get on them keys. And so I remember I started playing piano, and the Lord just started moving. And I remember he told me that he was going to show up through Emmy, and I didn't know what that looks like. Looked like. And. And Amy, I promise you, the Holy Spirit leads Emmy to help me in this moment to see Jesus in another, in a new way. And through those moments, I remember giving him all my expectations, my burdens, and I placed them in his pierced palms. And I remember Emmy was like, now ask him one question. And I was like, okay, I don't know what that question is, but I heard the Holy Spirit say, ask him how he wants you to lead his sheep. And I was like, okay. And at this point, Emmy leaves the room and just me and Jesus. And I verbally ask him. And I was like, jesus, how do you want me to lead your sheep? And he says, I want you to lead them to my presence, then teach them me. And I was like, I don't know what that means. But then he gives me vision and he gives me this dream of behold him and how people will come and find rest who are burdened and heavy laden in his presence. And then teach them who Jesus is. But it's so special because those are moments where the Lord came and touched us, you know, and he. He revealed himself to you as a helper. And I think that's so sweet. And I feel like there's been so many times, vice versa, to where I remember in our marriage, you realizing that. That there's a safe, safe place in me or safer place in me. Whenever, you know, thoughts or anxiousness would come in your mind, you would be like, the Lord is showing me that, Malik, I just need to run to you and tell you this is what's happening and how I would just be here with open arms and try to reflect Jesus as much as possible to be a safe place to you. And I don't know, it's just like we've both have been so sensitive to the voice of the Lord for each other. And I think for our marriage, it's been. It's been amazing because we can't do it on our own. It's like we need the Spirit to guide us, to lead us, you know, through every conversation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's been amazing.

[A]

It has. And I think you just touched on something where it's like our marriage ultimately has revealed Jesus the entire time. Yes. Like the crucified Christ.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Even outside of the, you know, the analogy of love your wives as Christ has loved the church, like marriage is ultimately supposed to point back to the ultimate covenant that we have with the Lord. And it's through his son, Jesus Christ, and watching ways that you have emotionally, physically, mentally, have quote, unquote, died to your flesh and lived a life that has been pursuant of the will of God, has healed Me and has made me feel so incredibly safe. And when Jesus died for his bride, which is us, the church, it's so we could have forever safety in him and also assurance. And I think the image of Christ crucified, knowing what that actually is, and living a biblical marriage where a man leaves his father, mother, and cleaves to his wife and dies for the bride, has been incredibly fundamental to our marriage. And I think the submission from that is the same way the church submits back to Jesus. And how the church submits to Jesus is trusting Jesus, is listening to his voice and having a relationship that's so incredibly intentional with dependence. Like how I shared earlier and most of all, our marriage. And my greatest hope for anybody who sees our marriage points to Jesus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it doesn't point to just us. It points outside of us, to a man who was put on a cross for you and I, who bore the sins and the iniquities of the entire earth, who was conceived by the Virgin Mary, the Holy Spirit, and was given onto this earth as a gift, who not only just took sin for us, but became it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And from that, died on Calvary, was buried and resurrected three days later so we may rest eternally with him. And our marriage is meant to mirror that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so the fact that I get to live in a revelation of the resurrection of Christ each and every single day is one of the greatest blessings.

[B]

That's so good. Yeah. I'm like, ain't nothing to say after that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, that's like, that's it.

[A]

That's the gospel.

[B]

I'm like, that's the icing on the cake.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it's beautiful.

[A]

Yeah, it is. Thank you, Lord. Well, Malik, thanks for hopping on today.

[B]

I live here.

[A]

You do. And we're about to hang out, and we got to make some dinner.

[B]

Yeah, we do.

[A]

I'm a little hungry.

[B]

It's getting a little late.

[A]

Yeah. Wait, do we actually have another chicken?

[B]

Yes, we do.

[A]

Do we? We. We should make chicken in the Mac and cheese.

[B]

Or rice.

[A]

I was thinking the rice. Yeah. We've made our favorite Mac and cheese a few nights in a row. I think we should do some rice. I think that'd be yummy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But, you guys, thank you so much for watching. All the announcements are down below in the description. I'll say mine first, then I'll have you share anything you got going on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Um, so we have a few things if you're looking to join Safe Not Soft's Extension of Discipleship. And fellowship. We have online fellowship through Patreon called Safe Society, where we have weekly devotionals, daily chats, we chop it up every single day. Where also we also do sorry grants, early access to episodes, tickets, merchandise simultaneously. We do live Q&As once a month and fellowship gatherings once a month via Zoom or online chat. And it's just a place for people who are well and like minded to come together under the, I guess the cusp of zave, not soft to build community and friendships no matter where you are. Our chats are really fun. We have a yap chat, super fun and hilarious. So if you want to be a part of Safe Society, that is down below. And then also if you are looking to have some sort of fellowship here in Central Florida, which is where we reside as of right now, we have Saved IRL nights, which is saved, not nights, just saved irl. They're anytime during the day, but it's primarily on a Saturday, once a month where girls just gather together, have fellowship, discipleship and recreational time. And it's really special and just connects with people your age, like mindedness in your city and girlies who love Jesus, which is like so cool. Yeah, Malik, tell us about how we could stay connected to you and what God is doing in your life.

[B]

Yeah, if you want to stay connected to us, over here we have a movement called Behold Him Movement to where we have a podcast so you can go and watch the podcast. We're basically teaching people on this season how to host the presence of God through intimacy, through reverence, through holiness. And also you can join our Patreon as well. You can also get access to early podcasts, to unreleased pads, unreleased music that I put out. Also, live monthly Zoom calls of just teaching Bible. And also if you want to stay connected, you can follow the Beholden movement and you can also join us in either Lakeland or in Orlando for Behold Him Nights to where people can come and just find rest and peace in nights like this. If you're burdened, heavy laden and you just come read your Bible, meet the Holy Spirit, talk to Jesus, and then after that, either myself or someone else will be teaching on who Jesus is. So if you want to stay connected through those different things, that's how you do it.

[A]

Yeah, that's good, babe. Well, thank you guys for tuning in. Thanks, babe, for sitting there and looking all good.

[B]

Hey, hey, hey. You look good.

[A]

I do?

[B]

Yeah, you do.

[A]

Okay, let's shut off these cameras. I love you guys. God bless and we'll see you next time. See ya. Bye, guys.