Blessed Up by Crab Legs & Free Bus Fare w/ Joel Kim Booster

Summary

Podcast Summary: Scam Goddess - "Blessed Up by Crab Legs & Free Bus Fare w/ Joel Kim Booster"

Episode Information:

• Title: Blessed Up by Crab Legs & Free Bus Fare w/ Joel Kim Booster
• Hosts: Laci Mosley (Scam Goddess) and Joel Kim Booster
• Release Date: May 13, 2025
• Guests: Joel Kim Booster (Actor, Comedian, Producer, Writer)

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1. Welcome and Guest Introduction (00:00 - 02:37)

The episode begins with Laci Mosley, known as the Scam Goddess, welcoming listeners to the show. She introduces the special guest, Joel Kim Booster, highlighting his multifaceted career as an actor, comedian, producer, and writer. Joel is recognized for hosting Bravo's new reality dating show "Love Hotel", which premiered on April 27, 2025. Additionally, his work on other projects like "Looped" on Apple TV and the podcast "Bad Dates" is mentioned, along with his involvement in the critically acclaimed film "Fire Island", which has garnered GLAAD Media Awards and Emmy nominations.

Notable Quote:

• Laci Mosley [02:37]: "Congregation, please welcome the talented Joel Kim Booster to the show. Joel."

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2. Exploring Personal Scamming Experiences (02:37 - 11:42)

Laci and Joel delve into their personal experiences with scams and fraud. Joel shares his knack for getting involved in dubious situations, whether it's responding to mysterious robo-texts or funny yet unsuccessful hookups. Their discussion highlights how personal stories and humorous takes on scams make the podcast engaging and relatable.

Notable Quotes:

• Joel Kim Booster [03:00]: "Do you ever... Are you ever in, like, a weird situation where you're like, damn, I'm gonna get some."
• Laci Mosley [03:34]: "I will be dining out on this story for a good long while."

---

3. Unmasking Digital and Everyday Scams (11:42 - 23:13)

The conversation shifts to how millennials navigate the "scam generation," balancing hustles and schemes to make ends meet. They discuss everyday scams like self-checkout theft, where missing item scans lead to unintentional thefts. The duo also touches upon influencer fraud, where social media personalities mislead followers with deceptive health and fitness claims.

Notable Quotes:

• Laci Mosley [11:42]: "I think those two things intertwine a lot of the time."
• Joel Kim Booster [12:00]: "You have to see all these schemes. You might have a scheme and then it blends into a hustle."

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4. Listener Confessions: "Moses" and "Rebecca" (23:13 - 34:38)

In this segment, Laci introduces fictional listener confessions using pseudonyms to illustrate common scams:

• Moses: A young individual who scammed his way through adolescence by altering store registers to steal groceries with his mother's assistance. This story underscores the desperation often leading to petty thefts.

  Notable Quote:

  • Moses [18:03]: "This is a scam, I tell you."

• Rebecca: A single mother who exploits public transportation by reusing bus passes through screenshots, saving significant amounts in fares. This confession highlights the simplicity yet effectiveness of digital fraud.

  Notable Quote:

  • Rebecca [30:45]: "I've saved almost a hundred dollars in bus fare so far, and I hope to keep it up, girl."

---

5. Deep Dive into Complex Scams: "Jezebel" and Bartholomew's Tale (34:38 - 60:36)

The most intricate scam discussed revolves around Bartholomew (Bart), a respected community leader who falls victim to an elaborate online romance scam orchestrated by Jezebel, a deceitful individual posing as an American police officer in Turkey. The scam unfolds as follows:

1. Initial Contact: Bart begins a text-based emotional affair with Jezebel, believing she's a legitimate police officer.
2. The Treasure Scam: Jezebel fabricates a story about finding a $5 million treasure in a Turkish cave while on duty, coercing Bart into sending money to help smuggle the treasure out without detection.
3. Escalation: After initial funds are sent, Jezebel claims the treasure was confiscated and demands additional money to release it, leading Bart to drain his daughter's wedding fund and eventually the church's finances.
4. Red Flags and Realization: Through a text conversation, Bart's father intervenes, helping him recognize the scam's deceit. However, Jezebel continues to manipulate Bart into further financial drain.
5. Community Impact: The scam not only affects Bart's personal finances but also destabilizes the church's resources, illustrating the far-reaching consequences of such frauds.

Notable Quotes:

• Jezebel [41:54]: "We gotta stop having community pillars because clearly the infrastructure is bad."
• Moral Insight [47:50]: "This is an advanced form of love fraud. Because not only are they stealing the money for you, they have made the intents and purposes of that money something illegal."

---

6. Reflections on Younger Generations and Scam Awareness (60:36 - 66:25)

Laci and Joel discuss the importance of scam awareness, especially among older generations who might be more susceptible to sophisticated online scams. They emphasize the need for vigilance and critical thinking to prevent falling victim to such frauds.

Notable Quotes:

• Laci Mosley [65:49]: "Like, what would I do if I was dead? They would figure it out. Either way, I wouldn't be dead."
• Joel Kim Booster [66:04]: "Remember, you don't have to be involved in fraud. Think, what would I do if I was dead?"

---

7. Driving Safety and Final Thoughts (66:25 - End)

The episode concludes with a tangential but impactful discussion on driving safety, stressing the dangers of distracted driving. Laci shares a personal anecdote about avoiding a potential accident by heeding a friend's advice to stay off the phone while driving, reinforcing the podcast's recurring theme of mindful decision-making.

Notable Quotes:

• Joel Kim Booster [65:34]: "So, you have to stay up, you have to stay awake when you’re building those houses."
• Laci Mosley [66:25]: "Remember, what if I'm dead? Somebody asks you for money?"

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Key Takeaways and Conclusions

• Awareness is Crucial: Understanding the various forms scams can take—ranging from digital fraud to emotional manipulation—is essential in safeguarding oneself.
• Intergenerational Dynamics: Older generations may be more vulnerable to certain scams, highlighting the need for targeted education and prevention strategies.
• Humor as a Tool: Utilizing humor and personal stories makes the topic of fraud more accessible and engaging for listeners.
• Vigilance in Daily Life: Whether it's online interactions, shopping, or even driving, staying alert and questioning suspicious activities can prevent becoming a victim of scams.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Joel Kim Booster [03:00]: "Do you ever... Are you ever in, like, a weird situation where you're like, damn, I'm gonna get some."
• Moses [18:03]: "This is a scam, I tell you."
• Rebecca [30:45]: "I've saved almost a hundred dollars in bus fare so far, and I hope to keep it up, girl."
• Jezebel [41:54]: "We gotta stop having community pillars because clearly the infrastructure is bad."
• Laci Mosley [65:49]: "Like, what would I do if I was dead? They would figure it out. Either way, I wouldn't be dead."
• Joel Kim Booster [66:04]: "Remember, you don't have to be involved in fraud. Think, what would I do if I was dead?"

---

Conclusion: This episode of Scam Goddess masterfully blends humor with insightful discussions on various scams, illustrated through both real-life anecdotes and fictional listener confessions. By weaving together personal experiences, guest insights, and community stories, Laci Mosley and Joel Kim Booster shed light on the multifaceted world of fraud, all while keeping the tone entertaining and engaging. Listeners are left with a heightened awareness of scams and the importance of staying vigilant in their daily lives.

Transcript

[Lacey Mosley]

Inspired by Judy Blume's groundbreaking 1975 novel Forever, watch the reimagined coming of age series about young love by Mara Bracha Kiel, the iconic creator of Girlfriends. The epic love story follows two black teens, Keisha and Justin, as they explore romance and their identities through the awkward journey of being each other's firsts. Watch Forever now playing only on Netflix.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Y' all know how Amazon was just previously used to, you know, go on and get something very specific, like you want some earrings that look like Michelle Obama or something like, just very specific that you can't buy in a store. Well, now, Amazon is a great place to get all your essentials. You can get your toiletries. You can have them scheduled to deliver your toiletries, which I do because I be running out of toilet paper, and that's very embarrassing. Like, to be on the toilet and you don't have no paper. Like, that's. That's very sad and embarrassing. Can't believe I told y' all that. But next time you run out of coffee or realize you out of light bulbs, don't be in the dark. Amazon has you covered. Save every day with deals from Amazon. Scam, robbery and fraud Scams. Ca Robbery and fraud Scam. Godd. What's poppin, congregation? It's your girl, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. The podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Sometimes we love them, sometimes we hate them. I don't know. We'll see along the way. Congregation, if you are an OG Member, please stand up out of your pews and recite with me. I am very. What? Yes. Excited. A scam.

[Unknown]

All right.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Said like a man. Yes. You already hear that beautiful laugh, so, you know I'm excited. For today's guest, we have an actor, comedian, producer, and writer. And the homie on the show, he's the host of the new reality dating show Bravo's Love Hotel, which premiered on April 27, 2025. So y' all can get out there and get some of that Bravo Love Hotel in your eyeballs right now. You may also know him from his other shows. Okay, Come on. Hit TV shows. Excuse me, Looped on Apple tv, which was renewed for season three. Okay, honey, that's what we talking about. Get them seasons. He's also the host of a podcast called Bad Dates and is riding high from Fire island, which won GLAAD Media Awards and earned two Emmy nominations. If you haven't seen Fire Island, y' all know I love that movie. I literally was a foot soldier for that movie. Congregation Please welcome the talented Joel Kim booster to the show. Joel.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. What an intro. This is incredible. We gotta get you on bad dates. Cause I know you got some stories.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Oh, yes.

[Unknown]

I know you have some stories.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Sadly, recently.

[Unknown]

There'S trauma there. There's trauma there. I can tell.

[Joel Kim Booster]

That's what we do. We turn it, we spin it, and we make money.

[Unknown]

Monetize it. Monetize the trauma.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Do you ever. Are you ever in, like, a weird situation where you're like, damn, I'm gonna get some.

[Unknown]

None of this. All the time. The amount, like, stand up brain has broken me in such a way where I will stay in a situation much longer than I need to just because I'm like, well, I gotta see how this turns out, you know? Like, I. Like, it is so crazy. Like, bad hookups, bad, like, social interaction. Like, anything. Like, I literally have had such terrible hookups, but they're so wild and funny that I'm like, well, somebody's coming. You know, like, and then this. I will be dining out on this story for a good long while.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I can't attest to that. Cause on Monet X Change's show, you did share a hookup story that was so outlandish. All of us were, like, goopedy gagged and gasped. We were like, sir, Sir.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Joel Kim Booster]

As it continued. I'm the same way. I'm that way with people, but I'm also that way with scams. Like, if I feel like something is a scam, now I'm in it. Now we both in it. And I'm.

[Unknown]

You're responding to the robo text message.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yes. When I get the robo, that's like.

[Unknown]

Hey, you're having those conversations.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And today I'm like, oh, my gosh, this is Tom's phone. What time are we golfing? I'm like, I want to know what's the end game?

[Unknown]

I love golf. I love golf. What are you going to give me in exchange?

[Joel Kim Booster]

You know? Where are we meeting up? Like, I'm so. I want to know what the end game is.

[Unknown]

I know there's nothing more fun than fucking with those people.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Like, not at all.

[Unknown]

It's great.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I'm like, you're going to waste my time? Oysters.

[Unknown]

It's like some person in another country who barely speaks English who does not understand the bit, you know? Like, they don't.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I don't know the end game of that when I haven't figured it out yet. And everyone keeps asking, why do people keep texting me, saying hi?

[Unknown]

Well, because There are old people who fall for it. There are people. It would. They wouldn't. It would not happen if people did not fall for it.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Well, I say hi back. Like, I try to engage in conversation with these people and then they stop talking to me.

[Unknown]

Well, that's what they want at first. Until you get. Start getting weird. Like, once I start getting weird where I'm like, oh, I just. I bet you have the deepest voice. Like, can you send me a voice note? Like, you know, like.

[Joel Kim Booster]

See you taking it there? I'm trying to be on the ride. You like show feet. Yeah, exactly.

[Unknown]

That'll shut them up real quick.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, yeah. Then they gonna leave it all red. I'm like, I'm trying to play along. Like, yeah, like, who's Tom? That's not me. But like, I would look. I love golf. Like, I wanna. Come on, help me.

[Unknown]

You know what I wanna know? The end game of is there is an epidemic, especially in WeHo, of like, phones getting stolen every weekend. I have a friend whose phone got stolen. My phone has been stolen three times, except I now have this case that makes it look like an Android. And boy, do people not wanna steal my phone now. Oh, that's the pro tip. Pro tip. They think it's an Android. They say, um, and the thing is, the. The thing is, is that it's all. A lot of them are. It's like a. A ring of women. And it's perfect because you go to WeHo, you go to these gay bars, you're invisible to us, you know, like we're. No one's paying attention to the girls. They're all trying to get laid. And I saw one get caught at by security and I walked by her and she had one of those big sling purses inside, I kid you not, over a dozen iPhones see in that. And my thing is, is it's not easy to just restart a cell ph. Resell it. I want to know the pipeline from those girls to then who they report to, to then what happens to that iPhone? Because one time my iPhone got stolen and I turned on like, find my iPhone or whatever. And a week later it woke up in Beijing. And I'm like, how did it get stolen in Mexico and woke up in Beijing? Like, it is like, what is the process? Like, I'm actually fascinated your iPhone went on vacation. I want to meet one of these girls and be like, I'm not going to like, call you, call the cops or anything. You're not going to get in trouble. I just want to know, like, Step, step. What happens to these phones? Like, I'll give you a phone that's.

[Joel Kim Booster]

A pretty simple process, right? Like, one phone just for the cause. It's like a pretty simple process. It's like we take the phone and then we give it to someone who obviously knows how to jailbreak the phone, wipe it, and then we go resell it.

[Unknown]

But it's not that. It's not as easy as it used to be. It used to be really easy to jailbreak a phone. But the technology, like, the advances in the phones, it's not as easy. It's not as simple as just jailbreaking it and then wiping it and then selling it. Like, there's other things that they have to be doing in order to get the phone ready to be reused.

[Joel Kim Booster]

See, I feel like with technology, there's always someone. There's always a scammer who finds a loophole.

[Unknown]

There's somebody out there who's innovators, baby.

[Joel Kim Booster]

100151 innovators and scams.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You know, like, yes, we got scammers and stems, scammers and stem. Okay.

[Unknown]

I love it.

[Joel Kim Booster]

But that's. It's so interesting to me. Cause you held up your phone and, like, obviously the audience can't see, but just when we put this out, can we get a photo of, like, what his phone case looks like? So Joel has, like, a square phone case.

[Unknown]

Just a square.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And y' all know the Android loves, like, a rectangular situation. They love an angle. They want the phone to be shot. The number hit a bitch in the head, Would it like that?

[Unknown]

Like, I'll be talking to somebody who's fucked out of their mind, and I'll be like, oh, let's exchange, like, Instagrams. And I'll hand them my phone, and they'll be like, oh, baby, I don't know how to use an Android. And I'm like, oh, are your eyes crossed? The shape, you're cut off. This is an iPhone, babe. Like, you know how to use this?

[Joel Kim Booster]

You know what I mean? They saw a shape. We're lucky that they see a shape.

[Unknown]

I didn't want to say it.

[Joel Kim Booster]

We're lucky that they recognize the shape. Okay. They're like, is this a rhombus? Oh, no, I don't know how to use that. Okay, but that's really smart. I might have to invest in one of those sharp cases. And they're cute, too, because that's, like, really the only distinction between the iPhone and other phones. IPhone tries to keep the cases, like.

[Unknown]

The edges all Square or the smooth edge?

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, they like a smooth edge. But then the Android's like, yeah, we want an aggressive square now.

[Unknown]

Isn't an effective case for protecting my phone. Am I going to the Apple store after this to get a brand new phone? Because it's cracked to hell. But you know, safety first, you know.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Get it now before those prices go up. That was great. What's your relationship with scams? But I still do want to ask you the question because it's been a minute since you've been on the show.

[Unknown]

No, and I think we talked about this a little bit last time. Like we're millennials and we are the scam generation because we've had to. Nothing has come super easy for us other than if you have rich parents, whatever and whatnot, you know, but like from the time I was 17 years old, out on my own, not taking a dime from my parents, I scammed my way through adulthood because there is just no other way to do it. Like, and it's like simple things like, you know, like, does shoplifting count as a scam? A little bit. You know, like, you know, I mean.

[Joel Kim Booster]

It falls under the umbrella. We just say robbery.

[Unknown]

If you are trying to convince someone, like my scam was is the classic self checkout.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Oh yeah.

[Unknown]

And then you're not scanning everything, baby.

[Joel Kim Booster]

No.

[Unknown]

And like I don't do these things sometimes.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I don't need to do this anymore. Beep boop boop, Bo. Not about. It's about the principle. But you know, if I work here, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get my wages.

[Unknown]

Exactly. Well, and you know the one time I was arrested for shoplifting was when I was in college. I had no health insurance, I was deathly ill and I shoplifted cold medicine and I got caught and it's not on my record or anything anymore. Like it was my first offense, whatever. But like the fact that I was so sick and had no other options, but and so poor that I couldn't afford the cough medicine, I think, you know what, I did something wrong. But it's an indictment on this country.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You know, I don't know if it's wrong. It's like you needed medicine and if the country wasn't busy robbing us all blind, you would have it exactly.

[Unknown]

Like there's no reason in one of the richest countries in the world, a 19 year old with bronchitis has to go into a CVS and try and shoplift cold medicine. Like, it's just like that shouldn't have been the option for me.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Right? And this is not like you're getting like a meth amount of, like, Sudafed. You're getting something that you need now. I'm not. See, I was with you on the scamminess, but that one, to me, isn't a scam. That was necessity. And we completely.

[Unknown]

Well, and sometimes scams are. You know, sometimes.

[Joel Kim Booster]

A lot of times they are.

[Unknown]

We gotta. You know.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You know, there's certain people who. It's like, you don't really have to be in fraud. Like babes, your family has money. Like, why are you doing this? You just love it for the arts.

[Unknown]

Exactly. Wynonna, she just wanted to feel something, you know?

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yes. No, she was getting in the car, smoking that cigarette all hard with a shaky hand, like.

[Unknown]

But, you know, it's so funny because I think, like, millennials feels like we are the hustle generation and we are the scam generation. And I think those two things intertwine a lot of the time. Like, we have. Like, we have been for the time. Since the time we were in our 20s, hitting the pavement, scamming, doing, Taking every job, doing everything we can. And it's not. It's not necessarily a scam, but like, those. That desperation and that need, because everything got so much harder the minute we turned 21. Like, it's just like. Like sometimes those things intersect and are. And like, the scam can be a little bit of a hustle, and the hustle can be a little bit of a scam, and it's just a fact of life for us.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I agree. I mean, like, and then there's like a thin line between a hustle and a scheme. Hustle and scheme are cousins.

[Unknown]

Scheme.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Okay. They're first cousins. Yeah, they love to hang out together.

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Okay. And you know, a hustle and a scheme are right there.

[Unknown]

Not blood related, though. They're the kind of cousins where it's like, that's my cousin. That's my cousin.

[Joel Kim Booster]

See, I feel like they are first cousins. I feel like they are blood related on they mama's side. Cause don't nobody know their daddy family. Don't nobody play with their daddy cousins. But on your mama's side, that's your real cousin. Yeah, I feel like they're a little closer than that. You know, you might be running a hustle and then it turns into a scheme and you see all these schemes. You might have a scheme and then it blends into a hustle.

[Unknown]

Speaking of schemes and hustles, you see, speaking again of the way Our generation has developed and tried to make. It is like, you see some of these influences, influencers on Instagram or TikTok or whatnot, like, selling their wares, selling their. Selling their. Selling their vegan protein, like, meal plan. Meanwhile, they are juiced to hell. They are on steroids, but they are selling themselves as, like, this fitness guru who only eats pea protein and tofu. And if you only eat protein and tofu, you can look like me.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You can look like me.

[Unknown]

And it's like, that's a scam and a scheme. You know, that's a scam of the scheme.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Just like Goop. Okay?

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Goop got the girls got. But now Goop is, like, going under. Apparently, there's a shift in the market right now. I've been reading about this, that wellness is now kind of being chucked out of the window. Cause, you know, for a minute, celebrities were all selling their creams, you know, and their drops and their.

[Unknown]

Well, who the fuck can afford those creams?

[Joel Kim Booster]

Exactly. Who the fuck can afford those creams? We know your Botox lady. We know your Juvederm lady. That's okay. I get some of those things myself. But I'm not out here being like, ooh, I rubbed this cream on the.

[Unknown]

No, it's like her customer base is, like, narrowing, narrowing, narrowing, because it's like there is so much going on, and she's awful. Somewhere everyone is struggling. It's like, I don't have the money for a jade egg to shove up my pussy right now.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I don't need a $5,000 shovel in my house.

[Unknown]

I need to put food on the table, you know? And the jade egg is not going to cut it.

[Joel Kim Booster]

No scalps.

[Lacey Mosley]

Inspired by Judy Blume's groundbreaking 1975 novel Forever Watch, the reimagined Coming of age series about young love by Mara Bracha Kiel, the iconic creator of Girlfriends. The epic love story follows two black teens, Keisha and Justin, as they explore romance and their identities through the awkward journey of being each other's firsts. Watch Forever now playing only on Netflix.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Okay, let's talk about hair. Y' all know when your hair kind of gets, like, greasy and. And you need to wash it, but you don't have time to wash it, especially if you have a lot of hair. Y' all know, that's a whole day. Enter Petite Light. It's Batiste Lightest, driest shampoo. Batiste Light blends in seamlessly with your hair, leaving none of that white residue. And your hair looks clean and it feels clean. Okay. Plus, Batiste Light effectively absorbs oil and grease without weighing it down. It's a total game changer for amazing second or third day hair. Okay. And if you're black, you know, it might be a little longer because, hello, I like Batiste Light because whenever my hair is feeling, like, greasy or oily, you know, when I've wrapped it too many times or whatever, I can put that in my hair and it kind of wakes it back up, you know what I mean? Without it looking white or powdery or, you know, like, I just put a bunch of baby powder in my hair or something. You know what I mean? By Petite's Light Dry Shampoo online or in store at your nearest retailer. All right, so we're gonna get into our next segment here. This is normally historic hoodwinks, but, y' all, I told you, we're taking the tariffs off the bonus episodes. Okay. Okay. We're taking them off.

[Unknown]

We put em on.

[Joel Kim Booster]

We take em off.

[Unknown]

We put em on.

[Joel Kim Booster]

We take em off. Yeah. So if you don't know, Stitcher Premium is a now defunct platform. Yeah. It's been gone for quite some time. Yeah. And. But when it was a thing. Cause the show is now old as Methuselah. We would have bon episodes for Stitcher Premium listeners where we read your listener letters, and all of those episodes are gone. I don't know where they are, but lucky for me, because I'm a scammer, I keep receipts. So I still have the letters. So we are releasing them from behind the scammy vault.

[Unknown]

Love.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yes. And so Joel is going to be here to give us names and opinions all throughout this episode. So if you're an OG listener, something sounds a little familiar. Look at you knowing things. The lore.

[Unknown]

The lore.

[Joel Kim Booster]

The lore.

[Unknown]

Somebody was subscribed to. Stitcher Freeman.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Right? Those three of y' all who are subscribed to such a premium. Okay, y' all getting a reboot, but everybody else is something new. But also, you know, Joel is a new person, so we don't even know what he's going to have to say. And I'm a new person now too. I've changed.

[Unknown]

You've changed.

[Joel Kim Booster]

It's been almost six years.

[Unknown]

The body and the hair. The volume.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, the hair. The hair has really changed me. It's full of secrets and lies. All right? But as always, email your scam. Snitch on your friends, your family, and your [e-mail]. just make sure the scam is retired, because we don't want to what? Yes. Fuck up your bag. Unless it's, like, a fun bag we can get into. So, Joel, are you ready to send our confessional boots?

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Let's do this. Confessions. So I need a fake name for this person.

[Unknown]

Okay. Fake name for this person.

[Joel Kim Booster]

We don't care about gender. So I could literally.

[Unknown]

We're gonna call them Moses.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Moses.

[Unknown]

It's gonna be a biblical theme today, I think. Old Testament.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I love a theme. Yeah, I love a theme. Yes. Very good. So I, Moses, worked at a locally owned grocery store at 16. As my second job. I am now in my 30s. My first was at 14, delivering newspapers, which meant get your bag right.

[Unknown]

Look at that. Starting early. I love that.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I don't know how you do that. I had a stepdaddy one time. He was very brief. It was kind of like a Kim K. Situation. But I had a stepdaddy and he.

[Unknown]

He had a huge ass.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I think he did Mr. Tim. He didn't make it far. But Mr. Tim would deliver newspapers. And sometimes I don't know why the fuck I had to be in it, but, you know, I'm like four or five. Like, in the back of the car while they throwing out newspapers. Like with Mr. Tim.

[Unknown]

No, baby, that's your job.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I know. I should have been in my bed. Who gonna come get me? Y' all lock the door. So Moses says that they were waking up at 4am to get paid $10 an hour, and that Moses had to pay for his own rubber bands to deliver papers for two hours. A scam, I tell you, says Moses. Yeah, I don't know why you gotta pay for the rubber bands.

[Unknown]

Yeah, but he's getting scammed right now.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, I'm sorry. Y' all would've got, like, naked ass papers then. Okay. We going. We wild dog in the news today. I'm not getting rubber bands.

[Unknown]

The print media is not doing well. They cannot even afford fucking rubber bands right now.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Like, this had to be a little back in the day because Are people still getting newspapers to their doors? I don't think they do that no more.

[Unknown]

I get the LA Times.

[Joel Kim Booster]

It comes to your.

[Unknown]

It does. I like it because I don't like looking at my phone for that kind of stuff. And it is. It does. Now, do I read it page to page, cover to cover?

[Joel Kim Booster]

Absolutely not. Oh, come on, Joel. You gotta flex one time and have a paper out in public. Yeah. Cunt. That would be just like a.

[Unknown]

On the 101. Shaking it out fully, driving with the newspaper in front of me. Yeah.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You gotta shake it out, make a lot of noise, get all the attention. I feel like that in, like, a hipster coffee shop, just like, oh, what a nice little impromptu photo shoot. I would come and take pictures, like, unironically. If you're reading a newspaper in, like, a very country coffee shop, caught in the act. I didn't even know you could physically touch news anymore. And they put it on paper.

[Unknown]

It's wonderful. It's still there.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So that's a scam, though. You shouldn't have bought the rubber bands. Everybody would just got a floppy ass. Paper. You playing with me? So anyway, the grocery store, I was acquired by a big chain on the east coast while I was there, because, remember, Moses did the newspaper thing when they were like, 14 and then 16. 8. The grocery store store. New ownership meant changes in the store. We got a fancy new touchscreen register. I was a bit of a scammer and petty thief at this point, so I realized pretty quickly that you can set the register to training mode and essentially look like you're cashing someone out, but not actually charging them. Not, you know, a pos. Okay, that's a real scammer right there. You found the window real quick.

[Unknown]

This person is a hero. Yes, this person is a hero. This person is Robin Hood. This is a victimless crime. I don't give a shit about the conglomerate grocery store.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Do you know how much food they throw away?

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[Joel Kim Booster]

This is. This is just us helping with waste. So realizing this, Moses said, I told my mom, and she was immediately on board to scam and steal groceries from the store. Yes, Mommy, while I work there. Come on, Mama. See, Mama said, I know who I raised. I know I raised a scammer. Okay, listen. Look at you making your mama proud. I love that that was your first phone call, too. Our grocery, he. She'd pile up a cart full of shit we would never buy because we were broke, then get into line. As soon as she was up, starting to check out, I would switch my register to training mode. She'd pretend to use the card machine, and I would print her a fake receipt and send her on her way.

[Unknown]

Yes. Ocean's Eleven. I fucking love this. And here's the fucking thing. I know that grocery store was not paying that boy a living wage. There's no way.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Moses says, I had a few motives here. I don't care about stealing from corporations at all and happily look the other way when I see others doing it and even encourage, okay, yes, let my people go get them groceries. There were hard Times for my family. And I was thrilled to be eating free crab legs for dinner at home. And at 16 years old, my sense of risk had not yet developed. And I figured I'd have a good lie if I got caught. Yes, you would. You'd be like, I'm just a girl, honey.

[Unknown]

I was just training. I didn't know the bus was.

[Joel Kim Booster]

What button did I hit? I can't breathe.

[Unknown]

You didn't train me well enough.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So on the scale of scams, where would you rate this? Do you think this is kind of good, kind of bad, kind of indifferent, Harmless? Definitely. Yeah, definitely bad, I would say. Good, I would say.

[Unknown]

And the thing that pisses me off about stuff like this is, like, you see this with, like, Walgreens or whatever, or whenever there's, like, people, they're like, well, it's the employee shoplifting. And that's why we have to raise prices, and that's why I have to close stores. And it's like, hey, baby, why don't you CEO take $1 billion pay cut, and then you won't have to close all these fucking stores. And none of this fudgeing shoplifting is making a dent in your bottom line. Stop lying to us.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And you have insurance. Like, can we start being for real about shrink? Which is what corporations call it when people steal. Like, shrink of the merchandise. Let's just be for real. Y' all have insurance. Also, I'm tired of going in the store and everything is locked up. Why do I have to call an attendant to get some orange juice?

[Unknown]

What do you mean?

[Joel Kim Booster]

The orange juice bandit?

[Unknown]

The way I will press that button to get my deodorant and then walk around the block and have a meal and then come back and they still haven't come to unlock the deodorant yet. I have to, like, I literally. It's so insane. I bring a book, I'm like, I'm gonna be here for a while. Cause this deodorant is not gonna get locked up.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And they're so cheap as hell. Okay, at least if you gonna have us over here, like, we in prison, can you at least have one person whose whole job, the whole shift, is just to unlo. Unlock shift? Why? Why is that person also stocking up boxes? And then they gotta stop and then come over with the key unlocker? You're supposed to be the man just running around here with the key.

[Unknown]

Can we talk about how nefarious it is? That it? Like, okay, I get it. Electronics, lock it up. The La Mer lock it up. Sure, but the fact that you want to keep people from getting deodorant soap, like, like hygiene items, like, that's just. Hey, you hate poor people.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And why they're the most stolen is, like, their necessity. Maybe we should look at why they're being stolen. But I mean, look, that's a whole, like, we know where we are. The welcome to church.

[Unknown]

Welcome to scam Goddess church.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Amen. Amen. I will say this last thing, though. This is a shout out to the pavilions on Melrose in Los Angeles. I don't know why. When I go through self checkout, y' all got these self checkout like thugs now. Okay, you know what? Oh, they're watching, like. No, but here's the thing. Okay, you're watching. Boop, boop, boop, boop. I'm scamming my items. Whatever. Like, that's not my issue. I'll pay for shit. That's not my issue. My issue is, is that I know in California, if you don't bring your little, you know, hemp bags from home, that you get charged 10 cents per bag. Personally, I work at the store, if I'm going through self checkout, so when they ask me how many bags, I always say zero. Tell me why now. They don't even put the bags.

[Unknown]

They don't even put the bags through.

[Joel Kim Booster]

The self checkout anymore. They don't even look how many bags you want. And then the bag sergeant comes over and literally, like, licks her finger and pulls out the exact amount of plastic bags that you ordered and paid for. That is some bullshit. We should all be able to steal bags. Los Angeles.

[Unknown]

Can I. Can I get a little scam, a grocery store scam that I think is that I've been for years, which is you hit up the hot bar first. As you're shopping. You eat everything you put in that box from the hot bar, and by the time you check out, you've had a meal and there ain't nothing to pay for. Try it at home.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Kids, you know, in the early 2000s, they used to just pop a few grapes in the house.

[Unknown]

Now.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Now we're taking a top part.

[Unknown]

You put the egg rolls, you put the chicken masala. You took everything they and you, by the time you're done shopping, you're done with that box, you throw it out. Nobody needs to be the wiser.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Listen, we gotta get creative out here. At times are weird. Let's get to our next con.

[Unknown]

I can't wait.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I need a fake name for this person.

[Unknown]

We're gonna Call this person Rebecca.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Rebecca. So Rebecca says, hey, Lacey, y' all better give me a good scammer name and I will cry if I hear my scam. I hope you like Rebecca.

[Unknown]

I hope you like Rebecca. Rebecca with the good hair.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Rebecca with the good hair is great. Okay, Rebecca, I think you should be satisfied. So I just started a new job in the downtown area of my big city. I know you say make sure the scam is retired, but this was too good not to tell you. Anyways, I'm a young single mother and a couple of dollars here and there adds up, honey.

[Unknown]

That the truth?

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yes. Dust. Also, the traffic downtown is crazy to get out after work and my job does not reimburse parking and it can get up to $16 a day. So I've decided it's best to take the bus. So, yeah, job not reversing parking. Like, how do you expect me to get here, babes? Like, what do you want me to do?

[Unknown]

I hope you. I hope you're okay with me being late because I had to take three buses to get here.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Like, like, now I'm paying to go to work. I mean, yeah, we pay for gas, but like gas plus parking.

[Unknown]

Gas plus parking. And now, and now I have to sit on a bus and be racially attacked. Because every time I've ever been on an LA city bus, there have been, there's been a racial incident and I. And. And that is an extra. That's added labor to this woman's job. That. Not neat. I don't even know if she's a person of color.

[Joel Kim Booster]

But like microaggression, but like literally, you.

[Unknown]

Don'T even have to be a person of color on the bus. You will experience horrors unlike horrors you've never known. This is. I'm speaking specifically of la, though I will say the buses in New York, the buses in Chicago. Brilliant.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Well, that's love. Those are commuter cities.

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[Joel Kim Booster]

People who are commuting in la. It's like much different than like normal commuter cities. Because it's a car city.

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah. I've never been on a bus in la.

[Unknown]

Wait, can I talk about a scam really quick? Yeah, my favorite party scam. About to talk. Talking about. Did you know that in the, in the the 1940s and 50s, La had the most state of the art public transit system in the world? People would come from all over the world to study our public transit system. It was state of the art. It was like the future. We were heading in a great direction. And then a conglomerate that owned tires Oil and cars bought it all up. And they said, we'll keep it open, we'll improve it. And then they immediately shut it all fucking down because they wanted to make LA the very first urban car city. And boy, did it work. And boy, did it. Does it fucking suck. Because can you imagine if LA's public transit system was able to evolve over the last 60 years?

[Joel Kim Booster]

Oh, my gosh, we would look like China.

[Unknown]

Like New York, goodbye.

[Joel Kim Booster]

We would have shit like New York floating in the air and shit.

[Unknown]

New York who? Like, we. Like, literally, we would be one of the greatest cities in the world. And instead I'm stuck in fucking traffic trying to get downtown to the ikea. Like, it's.

[Joel Kim Booster]

That makes so much sense because I often wonder how, like, older buildings here, like, don't have parking. And I'm like, did y' all. Who paved this city? Rabbits. Like, wow.

[Unknown]

Look it up after we get off. Cause it looked cool. It look like Jetson sort of style futurism. And it obviously would have evolved and looked different, but, like, there were, like, gondolas going up into the hills to take people off. Taking people up into the hills. Yeah, it's crazy.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Oh, we were robbed.

[Unknown]

Talk about a scam. This. This conglomerate being like, oh, we'll keep it open.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Of course not. I mean, I've watched enough secession. We know when it's a hostile takeover and bonus, shut it down. That shit ain't right. I watch common side effects. Y' all can't fool me, okay? If you haven't watched the show, it's good. It's a cartoon on its own.

[Unknown]

It really is.

[Joel Kim Booster]

It really is. Yeah. Great show. I love it. So this is a scam already, Rebecca, that you have to take the bus because you can't take your car. So Rebecca says, our city's public transportation system is absolutely garbage. We can relate. But they recently allowed riders to purchase bus passes through the mobile app. What they haven't done is upgrade the ticket collector system. So there's nowhere to scan the purchase bus pass. And the driver just flags you down. Which, I mean, they get paid regardless, so why should they care? I know that's right. Mind your damn business. More people need to do that. Okay. I literally just saw some. Something blow up on the Internet about some lady at H and M who wouldn't let two black girls shop there. And I'm like, girl, you don't own.

[Unknown]

H and M. No, this is my. This is.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Or that man at Walmart who was trying to fight the other man at self Checkout. Who works at Walmart. Like, you don't own Wally Martin.

[Unknown]

You don't own Wally Martin. That's always my issue. I'm like, you owe these people nothing. Nothing. They are paying you nothing. Dust. You owe them nothing. Why do you care so much?

[Joel Kim Booster]

This is where I implore my kind of dark theory. But it's really worked for me in so many aspects of my life. And it's when there's something that I don't want to do or it doesn't feel like it applies to me or whatever, you know, I think, like, what would they do if I was dead? You know, so if I go to a job and if I die the next day, they gonna have another bitch in my chair, you know, like, why, why would I, you know?

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I'm not gonna do anything because what would I. What would I. I'm gonna do? What I would do if I was dead? People ask me for money. I'd be like, hmm, but what if I was dead? Where would they get that money from? And that's the. And I'm like, they will figure it out. So I'm gonna pretend I'm dead.

[Unknown]

That is such a brilliant framing device to look at things.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Pressure coming from other people.

[Unknown]

If you are the grocery store clerk, think about it for a second. If you were dead, do you think that company would mourn? Do you think that company.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You think they're gonna put some flowers on your register and to.

[Unknown]

We can't make it without Rebecca. Rebecca is too important. We need Rebecca. No, there ain't. Think at that. They're gonna drag in some other Rebecca and hope and pray before the funeral too, if she doesn't figure out the.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Training for your shift. Right? Yeah, right. To figure out. Exactly. So what if I was it? So, long story short, Rebecca says I've reused the first bus pass I ever bought by taking a screenshot of it on my phone. And nobody has ever questioned it. I've saved almost a hundred dollars in bus fare so far, and I hope to keep it up, girl.

[Unknown]

Keep going, keep going, keep going. I am literally at the sidelines of like the Olympics. The like hundred meter dash going, yeah.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, I'm handing out orange slices and water. Keep going, you can do it.

[Unknown]

I want that number up. I want that number at the end of the year, I want you to be able to pay for a fucking switch. 2. That's going to be a $900,000 now because of the tariffs, I want you to put all that money so that you can buy something nice for Yourself. Because that is what you decide deserve. Literally. Unless they're going to improve the bus system, the public transportation system I ain't paying for.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Right.

[Unknown]

Okay. Because already my tax dollars are going for that shit, and already they ain't doing shit about it.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Nope. And I hate when things go up in price but not up in quality. I'm like, babe, exactly. What are we doing? Nothing looks new. Nothing looks nice. Why? Why?

[Unknown]

Every time Netflix goes up, I'm like, oh, so you're going to give me another BT German dating show that I can't even like, why am I paying for this? Why am I paying for it? And I'll watch it. But, like, I.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, I'll be there. Yeah, da dun. Yeah, I'm there.

[Unknown]

Subtitles on not on my phone. I will be watching the drama on Love is Blind Ukraine. You know, like, I want Love is Blind Ukraine. No.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Oh, Lord Jesus. Robbery. Y' all know how Amazon was just previously used to, you know, go on and get something very specific. Like you want some earrings that look like Michelle Obama or something, like, just very specific that you can't buy in a store. Well, now, Amazon is a great place to get all your essentials. You can get your toiletries. You can have them scheduled to deliver your toiletries, which I do because I've been running out of toilet paper. And that's very embarrassing, like, to be on the toilet and you don't have no paper. Like, that's. That's very sad and embarrassing. Can't believe I told y' all that. But next time you run out of coffee or realize you out of light bulbs, don't be in the dark. Amazon has you covered. Save every day with deals from Amazon. Mmm. The temperatures are climbing, y' all. And when the temperatures climb, it's easy to fall into the same old routine. Familiar tanks worn in shorts. Y' all know quints are my girlies. I literally wear them all the time. Time. And get so many compliments. And I know y' all girlies love to go to the discount, discount, discount, discount places to get your replicas. But don't you want something that's gonna survive a wash? Don't you want something that is going to be quality? That's why I love quince. Everything with quince is priced 50 to 80% less than what you would find at similar brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middleman, we know the middleman is a scam. Quint gives you luxury without the markup. I've recently been wearing my, like, long Linen quince dresses. I have one in olive green that I always get compliments about. Treat your closet to a little summer glow up with quince. Go to quince.com goddess for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N C E.com goddess to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com goddess. Okay, I need another fake name. Joel.

[Unknown]

This one. I'm gonna go. Atticus.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Atticus. Now, is Atticus in the Bible?

[Unknown]

No.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Okay. Okay. So I was like, I think it's a Rebecca in there. So we were still.

[Unknown]

No, there's definitely a Rebecca in there.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Atticus. You know, you never know who has fully read the Bible.

[Unknown]

Like, fully read it cover to cover, babe.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Cover to cover to cover. In the beginning. Oh, that's my favorite part. What God do?

[Unknown]

In the beginning, the word was with God, and the word was God. And I could keep going, but I won't.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And I love that you can. That's a flex. So Atticus says. In the past, I've worked at several tech startups in the tech startup capital of the world. So I'm gonna guess you're near Cupertino.

[Unknown]

Yep.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You know, for the longest, I did not know why the iPhone said Cupertino. If you don't know, if you a dummy out there like me, it's because that's where the Apple headquarters are. That's the headquarter location. Cause I was always like, what the fuck? Cupertino on here? What the fuck is Cupertino? Yeah, that's the Apple headquarters. And now you pretend you knew all along if you didn't know. Okay. Because I didn't. Okay. So probably near Cupertino. I understood. Atticus says I understand the vitality of this field and, like, stunting like a bad bitch. So I've always had a side hustle or two while working full time.

[Unknown]

Oh, geez.

[Joel Kim Booster]

One of my. I love that. It's like stunting like a baby. I feel like in San Francisco, that's like wearing like a $5,000 white T shirt that only a certain people know is $5,000 by, like, the Embroidery station. You have to get very close.

[Unknown]

You know what I mean? He's leasing a tes.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I love quiet, loud luxury. It's like, if you're rich, you know how expensive it is, but everybody else does it. It's like, you're still flexing, bro.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Like, and I love that for you. And, you know, now Mark Zuckerberger, he dresses Mark and Zuckenberger. Mark and Zuckenberger. Maro Zuckenberger. Yeah, yeah. Marco Zuckerberger. Now he'd be dressing like he. Like little Dicky. Oh, my God, he look like a little dicky Rich, cuz.

[Unknown]

Get out of those ASOS Basics, you dumb motherfucker.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Don't say he's in expensive clothes.

[Unknown]

And now you got a little. They're made to look like ASOS Basics, but they are hundred dollars a T shirt, literally.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And you know, he got a chain now. I don't know what's going on. He having a crisis. He looks better than he did. That bald haircut was terrible.

[Unknown]

Sure, on the outside.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah. No, now, come on. On the inside. Yeah. Like get. Let's get this photo of a little dicky here.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God, they call it Golden Delicious. Oh, that man. That man damaged one time by rejection from a woman. And now he has rude our entire lives.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And listen, I mean, I can't disagree with his philosophy because I talk about on the show that if you're a hater, you should get a hater job.

[Unknown]

No, no.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And I wanna shout out in San Francisco, shout out to the young lady who came up to me. And at the time, you were working at a shroom store. I don't know if you still work there, but those shrooms were great. Thank you so much. But also, she told me, she was like, you know, you really inspired me when you said the thing about hater jobs, like, I love the pocket watch and now I'm in school to become a cpa. And I said, I know that's right. Know that's right. You got to channel that hateration into something positive. I mean, and now he. He did the evil villain.

[Unknown]

You got to give it up. You got to give it up. In terms of hater jobs. He took it to the next level.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

He said, I hate this woman. I'm going to destroy the world. I will burn the world to the ground. Because this brunette rejected me.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Like, literally. At first, it just started, I'm gonna make an app so we can raid her in college. And then it just took off. If only we knew.

[Unknown]

I support you, Atticus. I support you.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I support you, Atticus. So, you know, be a bad bitch, Atticus. So one of my longest hustles was working as a sexy masseuse, AKA rub and tug. Okay, I'll spare the details to protect my fellow sex workers, but let's just say some of us made upwards of 30k a month. Anywho, I know that's.

[Unknown]

Listen Listen, and if you out there.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Judging some of y' all out here.

[Unknown]

Fucking for free, I know a gentleman on Onlyfans who farts on cakes and makes six figures a month. I'm not joking you. I am not joking.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Farting on cakes.

[Unknown]

Farting on cakes. All kinds of cakes. Birthday cakes, wedding cakes.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Why did I think special occasion cakes. You could do some ice cream. You can fart.

[Unknown]

No. And it's like, not even sexual. It's just his ass. But it's just like. Yeah, no, it's just his ass. And just as. Just his ass on the cake. That's it.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Yeah. So you could be. Listen, if you got a special talent out there.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So innovative. Yes. Monetize it. That's really innovative. Anywho, Atticus says the scam is. I flipped one of my tech company bosses, the CEO company, into a john. Oh. Oh, okay. My young dumb ass confessed to having a crush on him, and rather than be a responsible leader, he ran with it and ended up becoming a massage client of mine.

[Unknown]

Oh, okay.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So I mean, crushes are free, you know, Sleep with people is free. I guess this is better.

[Unknown]

The. The problem is, is like, did he pay you for the massage?

[Joel Kim Booster]

I think so. She said client or they said client.

[Unknown]

That is tough. Because here's the thing. I'm not in favor of blackmail. I don't believe in blackmail unless in certain situations. But you need to ask for a raise, baby. You need to ask for a raise right now.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Because, I mean, I don't know.

[Unknown]

That's an HR violation.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, I mean, but then who start. Like, you said you had a crush.

[Unknown]

No, I guess the other option is that, like, hey, I really enjoyed the massage I gave you. I hope you had fun too. The price is going up.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, I think the price just needs to go below. Yeah.

[Unknown]

You know, because the stakes are a little bit higher now. Yeah, you're my boss, I'm your employee. You need to pay me a little bit more.

[Joel Kim Booster]

But also, if you're working in the tech field like they. I thought they were supposed to be paying all that. Okay, but this is a tech startup.

[Unknown]

Tech startup. Startup. Yeah, it could be. It could be a lot of different things.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You don't have a lot of VCs and, you know, injecting capital.

[Unknown]

Perhaps San Francisco, babe. Like, I know a Google project manager who makes a shit ton of money on Onlyfans. They don't give a shit. They really don't. Like. And he's open about it. Like they.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I don't mean like having the Secret job. I just mean needing to have another job. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Because it is.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Shouldn't the coins be, like, rolling in?

[Unknown]

You'd think. But San Francisco, very expensive city.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Very expensive.

[Unknown]

Very expensive city to live in. He's just putting that money away to save, you know.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You know what? And I'm not mad at it. Not mad at it at all. I'm going to give you the title. The working title of this before we start. Before you give me the name. Okay. So. So we've been hearing, like, lots of confessions from proud scammers among our listeners, but we couldn't wrap up the episode without someone from the congregation snitching on their own family and friends. Yes. Which, as I said before. Scam. Got a spotmail.com. snitch on your friends and your family to just make sure the scam is. What, Retired. Yes. Because we don't want to. Yes. Fuck up your bag. Amen. So I. This is a fake mistress fraud. And it's snitching on my dad's friend. And then in caps. I don't give a fuck. Clearly. So what would you like to title this person?

[Unknown]

Okay, I. We're gonna go Jezebel.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Jezebel. Now we calling you Jezebel. You. Like I'm snitching on the. Okay. But I love it. So Jezebel says, I write you today, all the way from Brazil. I was a longtime listener. First. First time snitcher. So a little background. This scam happened to my father's friend, with whom my dad shares a singular brain cell with. Came out the gate swinging. Swinging. This man. I need another fake name.

[Unknown]

This man Bartholomew.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So Bartholomew, we're gonna call him Bart.

[Unknown]

Bart.

[Joel Kim Booster]

This man Bart is a married man, a leader in the church and a pillar in the community. We gotta stop having community pillars because clearly the infrastructure is bad. I feel like everybody in the community can just hold up the same amount of weight because when we have a pillar, the pillar always falls.

[Unknown]

It is one of those things that I do not trust people immediately when they want a leadership position in the church or when they want to be a pillar in the community or when they want to be president, quite frankly. Because I'm like, there is something intrinsically wrong with you to want that. To want that work. And you want the glory. You want the attention. You don't want to do the work. I do not fundamentally trust people. People who want to be in leadership positions like that. I think. I don't think they should be allowed. I think it should be a. We we should find the person who wants it the least, who's the most qualified, and say, sorry, babe, it's yours.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, no, we're not going to let you walk away. No, no. It's actually. The government is acquiring you. Okay. And now you have to do this job. I would love that. I literally just saw a video, and I'm not going to get. This is the only thing I'm saying about it. I don't want to go any further, but of our current president. There was a church service where this lady was. Was, like, painting real fast on a canvas, a picture of that. That orange man. And he's, like, looking at a tiny, tiny cross in the distance. Like, Jesus on a very tiny cross. And he's in the forefront of the photo. And while she's, like, slashing and painting, it's always, like, a very thin white woman who's barefoot and in a tight dress, and she's, like, painting and slashing and painting. And this is a fucking. Like, it was like a huge amphitheater full of people, like, filming and crying, and they're playing gospel music, and everyone's like, and she's painting that man. And I was like, y' all done lost the plot now. Like, and they're like, y' all did this with Obama? Like, no, we did not go to church and pray to Obama. Like, yes, we had some songs. My President is Black is Still a Bop.

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You know, we had some T shirts. We. You know, our grannies got commemorative plates. We did not bring Obama to the church. I had a lot of notes next to Jesus.

[Unknown]

I had a lot of notes for Obama. I love the playlist. But I had some notes. Okay.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I love the playlist. Loved his book selections, loved his favorite movies. Do we have notes? I mean, but you can't be the head war criminal and not be a war criminal. America's about.

[Unknown]

Exactly. I'm so glad you have taste, but you bombed a lot of people.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So, you know, and we remember. But at the same time, we weren't painting pictures. Like, amen. Like, that's. Come on now. So. So Berth Automuel is a married man. Right. He's a leader. He's a pillar, all these things. He's seen as an honest man and has been saving money for his daughter's wedding.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And then, um. So this is again, Bart. So Bart met a woman on God's Internet. You know, we know about. I don't know about God's Internet. I feel like I've been on the devil's Internet. For a while and God not letting me dial up. Cause every time I get on there, I'm like, oh, God is not here. God's country.

[Unknown]

God is not in this place.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Not online. So they messaged back and forth and he was, honest to God having a text message affair with this lady. So remember, this is Bart. He the pillar of the community, got a wife and he done met another woman on the Internet. And now he's texting back and forth with this woman having an emotional affair. I know you don't Shame, and normally I don't either. But honestly, Shame says in all caps. So Jezebel said that. Jezebel said Shame. So Jezebel says he had a wife at home and was having a straight up affair. There were my loves and promises of spending a lifetime together. And then the parentheses Jezebel says, and news. Of course.

[Unknown]

Of course.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Gotta, gotta.

[Unknown]

How does Jezebel have privy to all this information? She got his login or something.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Jezebel, you all up in this man's phone.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So she claimed to be an American cop. Not FBI, not army, just a regular police officer on duty in Turkey, the country.

[Unknown]

It keeps getting, for some reason, acab. Now why is she on ACAB in Turkey?

[Joel Kim Booster]

Right, ACAB in Turkey. Now if she was smart, she would have said Israel because we literally did do send police officers over there to train. So that would have been plausible.

[Unknown]

We ain't sending people to Turkey.

[Joel Kim Booster]

We ain't sending nobody to the Constantinople. Okay. I don't know. Okay, though. So she told him that while serving a warrant and looking for drugs in a Turkish cave. So while she's doing that, she's serving a warrant, she's looking for drugs. She's in a Turkish cage.

[Unknown]

She's spelunking for drugs.

[Joel Kim Booster]

She's spelunking. You know how you be spun.

[Unknown]

Yeah. You be splunking for drugs.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah. As a, as a cop, she went from traffic tickets to spelunking in Turkey for that dope, you know, as one does. So she said while she was doing this, she came across a treasure appraised for over $5 million. I just want to know if buried treasure is a myth or if anybody I know, Sandy Jenkins, the fruitcake fraudster, he did try to bury some treasure near a lake before he got arrested by the F, the B and the I. But I want to know if there is really treasure. Cuz I don't know why y' all. So I gotta say, is it movie propaganda?

[Unknown]

I gotta say, I feel like the people of Turkey would have found this by now if there were $5 million that existed somewhere in a cave in Turkey. I feel like they're on the case. Yeah, like what is the. What are the odds that this fucking police officer stumbled upon $5 million in a cave splunking for drugs? Like cuz you know, if there were drugs in that cave, there were other people smoking in that cave who could have found that treasure. Found this treasure? What is she in the Temple of Doom? Like what ancient artifact is she stealing from the country of Turkey that's worth $5 million?

[Joel Kim Booster]

This is Indiana Jones right here. But she in Turkey. Turkiana Jones. So however, as always, there was a catch. If the Turkish government found out about the treasure, they would seize it because it was their own national treasure. Yeah, isn't that a movie?

[Unknown]

Yeah. She's stealing the national the Declaration of Independence right now.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So she. She needed help smuggling the found treasure out of Turkey fast. And she also had to do it fast. No reason why there's a rush other than this is a scam. I told y' all, when people put time constraints on stuff again, just think, what if I was dead? Okay? There's always 30 seconds to think about anything. You got 30 seconds. Give it. Say it all out loud. It's not gonna make sense.

[Unknown]

Read back the messages.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So however. But she did send those news. Those news probably popping. So however, as always, you know there's this catch, right? So lucky for. For her, this honest man, Bartholomew. Remember the pillar of the community did not have the shared brain cell that weekend. Because remember she said her and this man, her daddy and this brain cell, it was on loan. The dad had it, she said. I guess my dad was using it. The shared brain cell. Lol. See you coming in. I don't even have to write the jokes. You got a whole set here. So she asked him for 5,000 Brazilian RIAs to ship the treasure out of the country through her diplomatic friend who promised to split the treasure with them.

[Unknown]

Oh, and now we got a third character coming in.

[Joel Kim Booster]

We character. Diplomatic friend. You know how you just. You a cop and. And then. And then you go to Turkey and you spelunk for drugs and you also have a diplomatic friend. Now the diplomatic friend can't just. They can't do this together. They need him and his money. To the diplomatic friend. Cuz the friend ain't that diplomatic.

[Unknown]

No.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Okay. Money make me diplomatic. Money make me dip. So it wasn't long until that friendly smuggling diplomat contacted him, however, to inform him that the treasure had been confiscated by Customs and that they needed an extra 7,000 Brazilian Riaz to bribe them.

[Unknown]

Into releasing the treasure exchange rate over there in Brazil. You know what? I don't care. It's a lot of money, right?

[Joel Kim Booster]

And then also if it's in customs, so they're trying to bribe it out of customs. So they're not even talking about paying like a tariff or like a tax. They're saying like, or a VAT or anything. They're talking about we need to bribe the customs people. And they're shady. And they're shady to the tune of exactly 7,000 years. So. Oh no. The treasure Jezebel says, I cannot stress enough how much he did not have access to that one brain cell because he once again dipped into his daughter's wedding fund and sent $7,000.

[Unknown]

Oh my God, this man.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Then he came to my father, a 70 something year old man who had been using their shared brain cell to try and explain why vaccines are bad and healthy diet is all you need.

[Unknown]

My God.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Just to brag about how savvy he was and how he'd make bank with his mistress. So. So Bart came to dumb dad, who had the brain cell, who was currently injecting ivermectin, and said, I'm about to make so much money with my mistress, who I've never met, and also this diplomat, who I also have never met, who has asked me for copious amounts of cash.

[Unknown]

Are there cameras in here? Where are the cameras? I need to direct it. Where are the cameras?

[Joel Kim Booster]

There are cameras. I will give you a camera. I will give you a camera. Ok, you're on.

[Unknown]

What is wrong with these people? And that's the preview for the episode.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yes, yes. I don't know what's wrong with these people. And also just bragging about this. Y' all are y' all 70s. Like, y' all should have known better.

[Unknown]

Oh my God. Yeah.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So it says my dad, having possession of their shared brain cell, right, informed him that. That it was obviously a scam.

[Unknown]

Well, thank God for dad, right?

[Joel Kim Booster]

He you know what? That cell is working. That's a strong brain cell. So Bartholomew insisted, however, that his girlfriend was real, like them reals. And when the diplomat friend contacted him again to ask him for guess what? More money, my father picked up the phone and started asking questions. At this point, the diplomat who had no problem communicating with Bartholomew in Portuguese claimed he know ablo Portuguese.

[Unknown]

That's not right.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So they're all Brazilian and they were speaking in Portuguese before, but all of a sudden he was like, languish barrier.

[Unknown]

That's a classic move when you're scamming somebody.

[Joel Kim Booster]

No speaking English.

[Unknown]

I don't. I. No English.

[Joel Kim Booster]

No English.

[Unknown]

No English. No other language either. No, no.

[Joel Kim Booster]

No English. Right. What I mean is. No. No English. I don't want to speak English with you. I'm gonna start using that. People come after me on the street and no English, but, like, in a perfect English accent. No English. No English. So finally, my dad's friend became convinced that the diplomat was a scammer. Finally. But was convinced his mistress wasn't in on it. Not bae. Not bae. Who sent me them titties. He immediately contacted her to tell her that he wanted to rescue her and ask her how this man was forcing her to participate in his scam.

[Unknown]

God. Not misogynist. Sometimes of everything. Not believing that a woman could be capable.

[Joel Kim Booster]

She's not smart enough for that.

[Unknown]

No. She's not smart enough to scam me out of however many dollars. She needs a man's help to do that.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah. Honestly. Run with a cyst. I'm like, my dumb woman brain and my ovaries. My ovaries don't know how to run.

[Unknown]

I got to speak Portuguese. I don't know how to speak it anymore.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So keep in mind, he'd never verbally spoken with this woman. The whole affair was via text message and presumably stolen.

[Unknown]

My God.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So he even heard her voice. She was like, hello.

[Unknown]

They weren't FaceTiming. They were nothing.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I mean, he's in his 70s. They don't really know how to do a FaceTime.

[Unknown]

That's true.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And that's perfect, because obviously a man knows what to say to get another man, like, interested and pretend to be a woman.

[Unknown]

Right?

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah. So she hit him with a bunch of my love. What are you talking about? Nonsense. And after he begrudgingly admitted. Did she finally. After she was like, babe, what are you talking about? Babes. Babes. He was like, okay. She's probably in on it. It took you too long, bro.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I mean, what a journey.

[Joel Kim Booster]

He was so pissed and wanted to go to the police. My dad reminded him that before finding out it was all a scam, he believed he was helping her.

[Unknown]

Commit illegal acts.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah. Scam a whole country.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And was willingly going along with it. Yeah. Once you're in it, you. Spy versus Spider.

[Unknown]

You know what?

[Joel Kim Booster]

You can't be like, I was trying to do crime, and then it turned out that the other criminal. Crime on me. Arrest them.

[Unknown]

Our friend Jezebel, is it? I don't even know Tanya. Whatever we named her.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yes, Jezebel.

[Unknown]

Kudos to her. What a foolproof plan. I need your help committing an illegal act.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Oh, the scammer we never named the mistress.

[Unknown]

Oh, Tanya.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Tanya.

[Unknown]

Tanya is genius. Because the fact is, is she's right. Like, she asked him to do something, help her with something illegal. He has no recourse now.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yep.

[Unknown]

He's been painted in his. This corner. He just out the money, right? Because out the money and out the pussy. Like, he. He ain't getting nothing.

[Joel Kim Booster]

He ain't getting nothing but some text messages.

[Unknown]

Yeah, he. Oh, Bartholomew somebody Google image searched hot Brazilian woman and sent those pictures to him.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Bartholomew, you really got scammed. You paid the scammer man for scam texts. Like, really? Like, it's like that one tweet, somebody was like, I can't believe y' all out here fucking the text man. Or no, it was like, I can't believe y' all out here fucking the weed man for weed. Somebody retweeted and was like, I can't believe you out here fucking the. A text man for text. Like, you fucking a text man for text. You're not even fucking. You're literally giving your money away. And you're right, this is an advanced form of love fraud. Because not only are they stealing the money for you, they have made the intents and purposes of that money something illegal. So now your intent. It's not like they said, like, oh, I'm having a surgery, or, oh, I'm doing this thing. And it's like, clear out. Love fraud, they're saying, participate in illegal activity with me. So now how do you go to the police? What's the legal recourse when you're like, okay, so I was trying to rob a bank, but then these other bank robbers got there first.

[Unknown]

I was trying to national security steal the Declaration of Independence of Turkey. And apparently it turned out to be a scam. I'm sorry, but I need your help.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, I need your help to get my money back for the crime I was trying to commit. We invested a lot in those guns and those ski masks. We watched set it off 12 times. And I just feel personally robbed when I was trying to do the robbing.

[Unknown]

Exactly. I set my car on fire and now I need a new one.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, I did arson, but the insurance didn't really work out. Cause they was scamming me. So, no, you can't. You're involved in crime now, so you can't do anything. So obviously he can't go to the police. With this, they would immediately lock him up. Jezebel says. So Bart starts backtracking. No, he wasn't trying to steal anything. He's an honest man. He didn't think of it as smuggling. Finders keepers, yada yada yada.

[Unknown]

So I'm 77 year goddamn years old. You know what smuggling is, my friend?

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, that's one of yalls terms. Okay? Like hootenanny. You know, like that's one of yalls old school terms. You definitely know what smuggling is. Okay. It's like calling somebody a harlot. You know those words? That's. That's from your generation. So the best part of it is that the scam kept happening.

[Unknown]

No. I thought we were almost done.

[Joel Kim Booster]

We are. The lady has claimed more like two more victims in the same town, last I heard. And honestly, I stand, says Jezebel.

[Unknown]

I kind of stand too. Because here's the thing. Thing like it. He had every opportunity.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Every.

[Unknown]

Not a one alarm bell went off. This is a teaching moment for this man. He's. He's ending. He's nearing the end of his life now. I. I hope he's not cleaned out. I hope he has retirement. I hope he can live.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Well, the funny part of it is his daughter's wedding. He's a pillar in the community.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Joel Kim Booster]

His daughter's wedding. His daughter's wedding.

[Unknown]

His daughter's wedding.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Put a balloon budget out the window.

[Unknown]

Have fun at the Buca to Beppo, sweetheart. Because that's about all you're going to be able to afford because your dad's sending this Brazilian money. I cannot believe this. I have. I have no sympathy for this man.

[Joel Kim Booster]

They say you get married at the Olive Garden because when you're here, your family.

[Unknown]

I have. I have sympathy for the daughter. I have sympathy. But that's pretty much it. Because quite frankly, like, I don't understand what happens to a man. I don't. Listen, I'm getting older. I'm pushing 40. I get what it's like to be getting older, to feel less desirable, to want that attention. But to want it. To want it.

[Joel Kim Booster]

That was so nice of him.

[Unknown]

We established.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Now you sound like Genetic Nepo.

[Unknown]

Baby, there are no cameras in this room.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I know how it feels to be one of those. Those ugly people.

[Unknown]

Listen, once you hit 40, it's like.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You know, they're going to keep getting hotter.

[Unknown]

But the fact is, it's not fair. We've established there's no cameras in the room, so no one can say otherwise.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You got people but like this.

[Unknown]

These men are desperate. These men are desperate and they are so willing to go along with just an ounce of love. And this is another problem.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Is he not a whole wife? What you mean an ounce? He literally got a gallon.

[Unknown]

I forgot about the wife. Oh, my God.

[Joel Kim Booster]

No sympathy with the gallon of love at home.

[Unknown]

No.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Fucking finish your thought, though, because it may apply to somebody else.

[Unknown]

I got too distracted.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So, yeah. So the woman is still around here, right, doing this scam. And he had a wife. He had a gallon of 11.

[Unknown]

What happened to this wife?

[Joel Kim Booster]

So anyways, Bartholomew, this is Jezebel talking, became desperate to cover up the money he lost before his wife found out because she was this real, like, she was, like, real close to kicking him out. And he asked my dad for advice. So again, they swapping that one brain cell. He was like, toss it back to me, bro. Like, catch. I'm wide open. I need the brain cell. Through their conversation, he decided to make up the difference from the church he runs.

[Unknown]

No. Oh, my God.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So through the conversation with your dad, Jezebel, they came up with an ingenious plan. You know what? Let's talk about it.

[Unknown]

Let's just embezzle from the church. Let's just embezzle from the church.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I mean, his standing as a pillar is already gone.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna need y' all to tithe 30% this month. Yes. Because there is a man pretending to be a Brazilian woman that's. That conned me.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Conneding the community, y' all.

[Unknown]

So I think it's what God wants, that he wants to tithe double to triple.

[Joel Kim Booster]

The sermons just start getting weird. He's like, okay. God told me it's a flood coming, so we will be needing 50% tithe this week. Okay?

[Unknown]

Because we're gonna build the ark hag for this man. I hope this woman leaves him. I hope that, like, he, I, I, you know, And I do hope that he learns his lesson. And I hope that the lesson that he's learned is that you are 77 years old. There ain't no world where a Brazilian woman wants you for anything but your money. And you have a whole ass wife at home who you have built a life with, have a daughter with who is probably sitting there wondering, like, I would have loved this man forever till the ends of the earth. And this is how he treats me. He deserves nothing.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Nothing. But here's the thing, though. So it's a quadruple scam. Now Jezebel says scamming turkey out of the treasure scamming his sweet wife, scamming his daughter's wedding fund, and finally scamming the church fund. Oof. Problematic. That is where it is. So we don't know if this man was ever caught. I feel as though she is snitching because she learned all of this from her father. Probably Jezebel learned this from her father.

[Unknown]

And here's what I need Jezebel to do. You need to write an anonymous letter to that church because that. That is not a man who should be leading a church.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yes. And like, oh, Lordy, Jesus. But also, like, if I'm the doctor, like, I mean, I guess if the wedding fund was replenished by the church, I don't know where the money came from.

[Unknown]

Right. And the thing is, is this is kind of like the best kind of juicy gossip, drama, like, scam, because you are so far removed from it. You're like three degrees separated from the actual drama that it is. Like, what an amazing story to tell at a party.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Right. First of all, it's a great story.

[Unknown]

To tell, and it affects you exactly 00%. And it's just. It's so like to have to be that proximal to this level of drama. What a gift from God. Now she is a woman of God because God has blessed her.

[Joel Kim Booster]

God has blessed you for sending this in. Send all the blessings your way. Yeah, but I mean, again, check on your older relatives. They don't need to be out here meeting people online.

[Unknown]

Take the phone away. Take the phone away.

[Joel Kim Booster]

There's some people who are still on dating apps, but I feel like it's just because it's like they want to do penetrations with people. I don't really know a lot of people who are looking for love on dating apps anymore. It was like a big boost for a while, and now it's kind of tapering off to like, oh, are you five miles away or are you a mile away? Like, oh, I'm trying to go out.

[Unknown]

It's all very GPS focused.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yes. Yes. It's not about. I mean, when I was looking to date people on the apps, I was still GPS focused. If you lived in Pasadena, I'm like, oh, what is this? Are we in some kind of fucking Nancy Myers movie? I'm gonna write you a letter.

[Unknown]

Or some guy. Some guy messaged me in Venice the other day. I live on the east side. And I. I was like, see you never. I will go to San Francisco before I go to Venice. I'm sorry.

[Joel Kim Booster]

You have a long distance relationship.

[Unknown]

What do you Mean, I live near the Burbank Airport. Depending on what time I leave, I can get door to door to San Francisco faster than I can get to Venice.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, listen, I don't even know how much Post Forever stamps are right now. Okay? I'm not doing that with you because we're certainly not driving. No, what about drive, stay at your house.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna lose.

[Joel Kim Booster]

How do I get back home?

[Unknown]

I don't have that many podcasts to listen to. Okay? No one else running out.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I'm watching full length movies in my car. Like, what the fuck?

[Unknown]

I love it when the Uber drivers have like their phone up and there's clearly YouTube playing. And I'm like, I don't feel like you should be watching that.

[Joel Kim Booster]

One of my best friends does that. Like, she. She would drive from Philly to Pittsburgh. It's like a, a six hour drive. It's like across the state, but she would like watch full television programs and movies and stuff.

[Unknown]

And I was like, let me know next time she's on the road and.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And listen, that's better than LA drivers. I see people fully, like, phone up to the face, like fully in their phone as the vehicle is operating. And I'm like, why are y' all. Come on now.

[Unknown]

I saw a man driving the other day. He was leaning over, driving. He had one hand on the wheel and he was leaning over to get to like adjust his right side mirror because it was like stuck. And I was like, baby, pull over. You're in the middle. Like you're in the middle of driving and you are leaned forward over to the passenger side seat to reach out the window to push. And I was like, it ain't that serious. Pull the fuck over. Yeah, get in that Wendy's parking lot and do it there.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And I'm gonna leave you guys with this on the driving note, which is completely irrelevant to what we were talking about, but I don't care. I had a friend, like, I think. I don't know if you know her, but she had posted on Facebook. This was like years ago. And I still think about it. She was like, guys, you really need to get off your phone when you're driving. Like, anything that you're looking at can wait. Remember what I say. What if I'm dead? Okay? Ask yourself that. What if you're de. You're not gonna get that email right now. You're not gonna get that text right now. What if you're dead? Just drive. And I was looking at my phone and it was like some important email Coming in and I was finding myself like on the 405 about to like read it and I was like, I thought about what she said and I put my phone down. And when I put my phone down and I looked up, there was a truck in front of me that had. It was like one of those beat down pickup trucks. Like, definitely somebody who does like contract work.

[Unknown]

Oh, I was gonna say meth, but okay.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that too. You know, you gotta stay up, you gotta stay awake when you building them houses. And so on the back of the truck was all of these like windows, like glass windows that you like install in the house. But like it was a bunch of em stacked up on the flatbed of this pickup truck. And it's like one of those smaller kind of rinky dink pickup trucks. It's Final Destination tees literally like so they had strapped down with some rope or something. I was like, let me get out of this lane. Tell me why. When I got out of that lane, the windows started flying off the back of the truck into traffic.

[Unknown]

Final Destination.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Shinkies.

[Unknown]

Oh my God.

[Joel Kim Booster]

No, don't say that. Cause I mean, the window man. Go.

[Unknown]

Call me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're the main character. You're the main character. You survive, you survive.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I'm scared of so many windows in here, but yeah, so y' all just look up from your phone. You don't. You can. Whatever it is, remember. What if I'm dead? Somebody asks you for money?

[Unknown]

I am taking that away from me today in such a real way, a real powerful way. What if I'm dead?

[Joel Kim Booster]

Like, what would you do then? You would find a solution. That's how I get rid of the guilt. When somebody asks me to do something that I don't wanna do or don't feel comfortable doing, instead of feeling that external pressure and doing it anyway. Which is what I would do when I was younger. Now I'm just like, what if I was dead? They would have to figure this out. So they would figure it out. Either way, I wouldn't be dead.

[Unknown]

The stakes can't be that high. If, if I'm dead and they find somebody to do it, then the stakes can't be that high.

[Joel Kim Booster]

No.

[Unknown]

You know, the only way you do it is if you say, what if I were dead? And then you say, oh, well, there's no one else for the job. I gotta do it. Like, there's like, I am actually uniquely qualified to do this if I were dead.

[Joel Kim Booster]

No one else is.

[Unknown]

If I were dead, this person would be fucked. I guess I'll do it.

[Joel Kim Booster]

And there's very few things, very few.

[Unknown]

Things that very few things.

[Joel Kim Booster]

So just keep that in mind, guys. So, Joel, we've reached the end of the show. We always ask here. Where would you like to be found? Anything you want to plug social media, people can watch you be amazing.

[Unknown]

I'm blessedly off Twitter now, but you can still find me on Instagram. Unfortunately, it's at I hate Joel Kim. That's where all my dates are. Everything that I'm promoting, that I'm doing work wise is on there. I hate it. I'm only on there because I have to be. But you can still find me. I hate Joel Kim.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I hate Joel Kim.

[Unknown]

Listen to Bad Dates. It comes out every Monday. And check out Loot, which will be coming out later this year. Seasons 1 and 2 are streaming on Apple, and you can check out Love Hotel on Bravo on April 27th.

[Joel Kim Booster]

I can't wait to see you host. I'm turning it on, honey. As always, y' all can find me at D I, V A, L, A, C I, D, B Alacy on all platforms. I'm a mascist, so I am still on Twitter. Scam Goddess. If you want to see photos or anything. We pulled up. If you want to get your fake Android phone so you can stop getting your phone stol, you can see that on our page as well at Scam Goddesspod. On Instagram, you can pick up my book Scam Goddess or get the audiobook wherever the books are procured babes. And then you can stream all the episodes of Scam Goddess television show on Hulu. You can also stream Going Dutch on Hulu as well. So get into one of these things that I'm slanging, honey.

[Unknown]

Yes, ma' am.

[Joel Kim Booster]

Yes, the congregation. Y' all get out there and y' all stay resurrected, okay? Imagine yourself dead when you don't want to do something and then resurrect yourself again when that person figures it out on their own.

[Unknown]

Amen. Amen.

[Joel Kim Booster]

A Scam, Scam Goddess. This has been an Earwolf production in association with Team Coco. Scam got us stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Moseley, AKA Scam Goddess. Our producer is Jessica Cisneros and our audio engineer is Rich Garcia. Research for the show is conducted by Kate Doyle. Stay scheming. Come in to your neighborhood Starbucks to enjoy free refills of hot or iced brewed coffee or tea. So stop in and stay a while. Your free refill is ready at Starbucks. Visit Starbucks.com refills for details.

[Unknown]

How many discounts does USAA Auto Insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi vehicle discount Safe driver discount New vehicle discount Storage discount How many discounts.

[Lacey Mosley]

Will you stack up?

[Joel Kim Booster]

Tap the banner or visit usaa.com autodiscounts restrictions apply.