A (4:52)

Oh, absolutely. You know, it's really admirable what you said. I mean, to say that the infidelity had saved your marriage. I mean, you know, having been burnt out before, it's just so emotionally charged. How are you able to kind of reconcile all of that happening? I mean, you're burning the candle at both ends. It sounds like you were having some personal issues. How were you able to kind of have the emotional intelligence to identify, okay, is this me that needs to change? Is it him that needs to change? Where did you kind of land with all that? Because that's huge. To really come to that resolution and then still kind of push forward?

B (5:28)

Well, you're right. When it comes to emotional intelligence, I had been through a leadership development program, training, and I had already started my coaching career and I had to take Responsibility, you know, when you. When you ask, you know, who needed to change, we both did. We both needed to take responsibility for who we were being as we were building our businesses, if you will. And it was amazing how, you know, I'm really going back to the memory now. When I. When I discovered what was happening, my first thought was, yeah, it hurt. It was like a punch in the gut, a stab in the heart. But I also thought, wow, this is going to make a great story.

A (6:15)

I could use this. Take good notes. Right.

B (6:20)

You know, and I didn't know how we were kind of come through this breakdown that we were in. And there was that fear of the unknown. What if he decides he doesn't want to work on it with me? What if I decide, you know, it's not the one for me? I mean, I was already on my second marriage, so there was that ego around, like, I don't want to have another failed marriage. But we really got help so that we could figure all that out and figure out how to get a breakthrough. And we immediately decided that we were going to do the work that it would take for us to break through that breakdown, to come out on the other side, regardless of what the other side looked like, that we would both come out whole. And so we hired coaches to help us navigate that. We also got a counselor therapist for us to work on our relationship together. But our coaches, we did separately because we had to work on who we were being, and we had made that decision not knowing what would happen. I mean, I'm happy to say that we did come out of it with a better relationship than we had before because we were willing to do that.

A (7:39)

So you each decided to work on yourselves internally first before you were able to come together. That's great.

B (7:45)

Yeah, yeah. And that was the key. I mean, we did it simultaneously because I'm a great believer that therapy and coaching do go hand in hand. Therapy is more focuses on the past and is more diagnostic in nature to cure symptoms, if you will.

A (8:03)

Sure.

B (8:03)

But coaching is so future forward. Right. Like, what do we need to do to build the life we want together, to have the relationship that we want together? How do we get to that future vision, that future dream, that future goal? And who do we have to be to create that? And so that's why I love when my clients come to me and they said they've been through therapy or they're going through therapy at the same time. I'm like, this is perfect, because you'll deal with the ghosts of the past, but let's build the future you want to create because life is now.

A (8:36)

Right, right, right. So it sounds like a portion of that was an imbalance with work and personal. You had a lot going on, a lot of plates spinning in the air. And I wanted to bring you on to talk a lot about work life balance. It can oftentimes be just kind of an elusive thing that we talk about and a buzzword, if you will. But Ava, how do you define that and what does it mean to create a sustainable work life balance?

B (9:03)

You know, it's interesting, John, I get asked this a lot because when you look at a scale that is perfectly balanced, what's the number on the scale?

A (9:13)

Zero.

B (9:14)

Exactly. So we call it work life balance, but it's not really balanced, it's fluid. Sure, your scale is going to fluctuate depending upon what's going on in your life, but you get to control what side of the scale that you spend more time, energy and effort on. So you have, you know, work on the one hand, personal life on the other hand. And there are times where your work is going to demand more time and energy from you, and there are times when it's going to be your personal life. So the scale is always going to be emotion. It'll never be equal, equal, equal. And that's what stresses people out. I think trying to have work life balance is causing us to be stressed out and overwhelmed because we're chasing something that's actually elusive. But what I share with my clients and what they create together is really what I call my CPR formula for creating work life balance. That is high performing. And the C stands for clarity. You've got to be clear on what you want in life, what makes you happy. Look at where you're unhappy either in your life and business and get clear about who you are and what's important in your life. And then you get to ask yourself, am I living in alignment to that? And so getting clear on who you want to be, the person you want to show up as. And then the second thing with the P is establishing clear priorities. Because here's what's happened. We want to say yes to everything, to please everyone, and we put our own priorities sometimes aside. Right. I see you shaking your head. I think all of us are guilty. I'm going to shake my head too. But when you get to establish clear priorities, it makes your decision making easier. So here's what I do. When it comes to creating balance in my life, or harmony, if you will, I'm clear on what my Priority. I'll just take it day by day. What are the things that are a priority for me today that I need to get done that are important to me to move forward to the bigger goal? Right. And if there is a text or an email or a phone call or an opportunity that sounds like, ooh, this is a good idea, I call it shiny object syndrome. Right. But what I ask myself is, is this going to take me closer to my priority and my goal for the day, or is it going to act as a distraction or a competing interest and moving farther away from that?

A (12:10)

Sure.

B (12:11)

And so a lot of times it doesn't really need to be a no. It just is not at this time or not today.

A (12:20)

Right.

B (12:21)

How about next weekend or something like that? And so it helps you stay on track so that you are accomplishing what's important to you before jumping into other people's priorities.

A (12:34)

Right.

B (12:36)

And then there's one more thing, the R in the cpr. And that's where you really get to own the responsibility for creating and setting boundaries that protect your priorities. And a lot of us have those boundaries. But what I find is we're not clearly communicating what those boundaries are, and we're expecting people to either read our minds, and I'll speak for myself, know by the look on my face, if my body language is huffing and puffing and my eyes are rolling, you should know what that means. And because we're not setting clear boundaries, there's a lot of over commitment which is causing overwhelm. And if I may, I'll share a quick story about just how simple that could look. The office I'm working in right now, which used to be my daughter's bedroom, to her chagrin, but once you're gone and out to college, it's my office.

A (13:37)

That's what happens, you know, you reclaim that territory.

B (13:41)

And when we were running the real estate business, I was running it, and so all of the files and stuff were in here. But when I started focusing on my coaching business, which I love, a lot of times I would be on podcasts like this or in a session with a client on Zoom, because it really skyrocketed during COVID So everything was on Zoom. Right. And so I would have the door closed when I was either in a private session or record or doing a video or whatever. And part of me giving up control of everything and working on my marriage was letting my husband be more involved in the real estate business and letting him take over, because being in control of everything, listeners, is incredibly exhausting. You've got to delegate. So yes, please write that down. So he was doing more and more the real estate stuff. And what I was fine was when the door was closed, he would knock on the door and then come in to get a folder or a file or some information. And I would just be like, you know, huffing and puffing, rolling my eyes, like, doesn't he realize the door is closed? And then I started thinking, well, he knocked. Most people when they see a door close, they knock, come in, here I come. He didn't know what the door, closed door meant for me, right? So when I said to him, hun, you know, when you see the door closed, I'm usually in a private session with a client or I'm recording something, so please don't knock or come in. And he was like, oh, okay, fine. I mean it was like no big. I was getting myself all like, like, doesn't he know that's what it means? And I just said, let's have an agreement. When it's okay to come in, I'll leave the door ajar, but when it's not, I'll close it all away. And he's like, okay, that works. And it was just like such a.

A (15:45)

Simple something as simple as this boundary.

B (15:48)

But I spent so much time getting irritated that he didn't know what closed door meant. So we've got to really be clear on our communication. And you'll find that people will help you protect your boundaries.

A (16:00)

Right? Well, you know, as you were going through the clarity, the priorities and the responsibility, I'm thinking, well that's, those three are important to be that with yourself. Provide your own clarity, priorities and be responsible for your actions and your priorities. But also it seems from that story you told, you need to have that same CPR for your spouse or for other people in your life. Be clear with them. They know your priorities and vice versa. And you're each taking responsibilities. So it sounds like it's a two way street.

B (16:30)

Oh absolutely, absolutely. There was a time when my kids were little, they were probably, I don't know, 5 and 8 and I used to get really bad migraines before I became a high performer and really learned how to take care of myself better. And when I would get a migraine, I would say to the children, you know, mommy needs to lay down and be really quiet so that I can get rid of the headache. And inevitably one sister would yell at the other one at the top of her lungs, be quiet, mommy has a headache. And it was just, I know you have a little one.

A (17:12)

So, well, well intentioned. Right. But not what you were looking for.

B (17:16)

But when I see that, I was like, bless her heart, she was protecting my boundary.

A (17:22)

Right.

B (17:23)

And so many of us are afraid of setting boundaries because we think we'll be hurting people or letting them down or disappointing them. And nine times out of 10 people will help you stick to that boundary. If I said to my spouse, I'm going to wake up early and go for a run. If I snooze through the morning, I've got a foot on my back saying, you said you were going to get up early and go for a run. Go ahead. But you, when you communicate.

A (17:52)

Yeah, yeah. That's half the battle. Communication is such an essential part, not just of our work life, but our personal life as well. And I think it was Brene Brown where she said, clarity is kindness. I mean, that has resonated with me from the moment I heard it, because when I first heard it, it was just being clear is only being nice. But there can be instances where your clarity could be bad news. But the kindness is in the fact that you're being transparent and that you're taking that clarity and using it for hopefully the overall benefit and the betterment of you and maybe whoever you're speaking with. But it's not just always good news. It could be tough news as well.

B (18:32)

Exactly. I mean, when you think about your work life, right. Your professional life, it's so much kinder to give people clear, honest, constructive feedback.

A (18:45)

Right.

B (18:46)

So that they can use it to feed forward. Right. You know, what can I do better next time? How can I improve next time? What do you need? And if you're so afraid of delivering that honestly, your team, your employees, your coworkers don't get that opportunity to grow into the greatest and best version of their themselves in their position. So, yeah, clear is kind, unclear is unkind.

A (19:14)

Right. So I'd like to jump back to the kind of that sliding scale of work life balance. You don't want to. You can't stay at zero. Right. It just doesn't make sense depending on the oscillating demands of your personal life and your work life. So, you know, our main listenership are school business officials and school administrators and district administrators rather. You know, we're entering budget season by the time this episode comes out. It's an extremely stressful time for school business officials balancing the budget, at least trying to balance the budget. There's school taxpayer money involved. There's state aid involved. There's so Many different variables that go into it. The communication to your internal folks, your community, your board of education, the list goes on and on. In your experience, what are some practical strategies to really kind of avoid that burnout and not really burning that candle at both ends? To really going from high achieving to.

B (20:08)

Performing well, you've got to have protect your energy. And what I mean by energy is not just your physical energy, it's your mental energy, it's your emotional energy. Because a lot of times we talked about emotional intelligence, right? People are led by their emotions. And when you don't take care of yourself, your emotions can get the best of you because you're not in the healthiest state. And what I mean by that, if anybody's ever been around a hungry teenager, you know just how that shows up. And so it's important to have some energy generating habits that support your high performance at work. And so I've got six of them that I actually recommend to, you know, that I share with my clients and when I do some talks, and the first one is create a routine. Morning routines wipe out 20% of stress and it brings preparedness for the day. So whatever that morning routine is for you so that you can set yourself up to win the day, whether it's getting clear on what your schedule looks like, getting some fresh air, sitting quiet, doing a meditation, a prayer, whatever works for you, moving your body. Like for me, it's a morning walk. You know, no matter how much I've got going on, I need to get outside. And fortunately in California I can do.

A (21:41)

That365 whenever you want.

B (21:42)

Yeah, but I also have some, some other things that I do just to get my body moved. And it just helps my brain work more efficiently. And then the next thing you want to do, these are all Rs. So you've got number one is routine, number two is reset. When you reset, everything shifts. So a lot of us will have nose to the grindstone over those spreadsheets, on the emails, on the calls, working things out straight for two hours. You need to get up and move at least every 50 minutes. And if you are an adult that has ADHD, it probably needs to be more every 20 minutes so that you just move the energy in your body and reset and reset your intention. So that could be as simple as, you know, how I do it is I get up, I drink a lot of water, but I don't have a big gallon jug like you see a lot of people have. Yeah, I only have a glass, 8 ounce glass.

A (22:47)

And so Forces you to get up, right?

B (22:49)

To get up and get more. Get up and move. I have a little dog. Sometimes I just take a break and throw the toy. I have a couch in my office. I'll just sit and close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, but just a little reset to break that energy and then kind of go back into what you were working on. And that will give you that mental and emotional energy you need. Third thing, recharge. A lot of us eat because we're hungry. What if you were eating? The intention of eating was to fuel yourself and to recover. So not only do you want to have a diet that's built for performance throughout the day, but you want. Want to make sure that you take time to nourish your body before your blood sugar goes down and you get what I call hangry. So that may look like I oftentimes eat when I'm not hungry because I know that I need the fuel. I mean, if you look at race cars, if you will, those are pit stops. They change the tires before they blow. They put gas in before they're on empty. We need to do that with our bodies, you know, make sure we're treating our bodies for high performance. And sometimes you may not be hungry enough to eat, but if you have a little protein or a little something to keep you fueled, you won't run out of gas.

A (24:16)

And have you found that what you're eating makes a big difference too? Not necessarily how often you're eating. And if so, do you have any tips on like, eating healthier and eating more to really fuel your body rather than what is most convenient? Because oftentimes what is most convenient probably isn't the best for you.

B (24:34)

It's the chocolate drawer downstairs. I mean, chocolate's back from Europe. Yeah, that used to be my go to, but that would only happen when I got hungry.

A (24:43)

Sure.

B (24:43)

And so when you're intentional about what foods work for your body, in my context and for me personally at this age, it's all about protein and building my muscles and making sure that, you know, protein just helps everything work efficiently for me, and that's always been the case, but also trying to get into macros a little bit, but I would say that's really an individual choice. If it used to be the chocolate drawer, the little breaks for chocolate and coffee. But, you know, I make sure personally that I start my morning with a high protein breakfast, especially after working out, because I try to work out at least six days a week.

A (25:33)

Doesn't it make such a difference? It Just like sets the tone for your day. I'm very much, I can, I work out in the morning, I can't do it at night because I'm usually just too, too gassed. Can't, don't have the energy. But it really sets the tone for the day, doesn't it?

B (25:47)

Yeah. And I was never a morning workout person. I was always kind of end of the day and you know, I had to change some things in my routine and get acclimated just to know what worked best for my performance.

A (26:02)

Sure, sure.

B (26:03)

And I'm not a, you know, I didn't like eating breakfast either. But from everything that I've read and researched, after you work out, you've got to feed those muscles something so that helps your recovery and all that. So a lot of it I'm forcing myself to do, I normally would not eat until a certain time. Some people like intermittent fasting. That works for them. So I would just say it's really based on what fuels your performance.

A (26:28)

Right.

B (26:29)

But I'm, you know, I'm still experimenting all the time and how. Because if I start to get hungry, it just. Brain fog keep creeps in and I don't have the patience that I would like to have with people. So when you're in a situation at work where a lot of it's an extra stressful time, you want to be more mindful of those things and making sure you can perform well.

A (26:51)

Yeah. Being hangry is dangerous to everybody around you.

B (26:56)

It is, it is. And we can't underestimate the power of brain recovery. And that's sleep. That is sleep. And you've got to set yourself up to get good recovery sleep. And this is what that looks like. It's a three, two, one game. No food, three hours before bed, no work, two hours before bed, and no screens, one hour before bed. It's almost like that's tough, Ava.

A (27:29)

That's a lot.

B (27:31)

It is. But that's a powering down so that your brain can get the resetting to optimize performance. I mean, these are if you've done any brain studies, you know, read any books on what the brain needs and those sleep cycles to be able to regenerate from all the stress throughout the day. Getting seven to eight hours of sleep is crucial, but also getting good quality sleep. And it doesn't mean like, if you read on your device, make sure you set it up so that you're not getting that blue light to mess up your brain. Just get either the glasses that filter it or I think you can do a screen setting on your phone or your device to make that up. But I personally, I like reading. Puts me to sleep literally in 10 minutes. That's why I have to listen to all my books. But I read magazines at night because it's not putting a lot of information in my brain that needs to process at night. It's not spreadsheets for work. It's not any of that school business officials. It is really powering yourself down so that you can perform your best and be more efficient and more productive. And that's how you not only minimize the stress during these stressful times, but actually get more done in less time. And that's what it's about. It's not taking as long. And you'll find yourself really upping the efficiency and the performance. Performance.

A (29:15)

You know, I ended. There's a feature on the iPhone where you can essentially turn off apps even though they're still on your device. And I started doing that because I was finding myself just scrolling mindlessly on Instagram just looking at just stupid stuff. And it was just so distracting before bedtime. So it actually is fairly recently in the last week, I've kind of modified my behavior. And I don't know if it's a placebo effect or not, but I do feel well, more well rested in the morning because I'm not sitting there just mindlessly looking at my phone when I just came to the conclusion like, this isn't really benefiting me. It really any aspect, maybe entertainment value, but I'd much rather get a better night's sleep than just sit there and chuckle every six reels or something like that, you know?

B (29:56)

Good for you. I mean, it's important what we feed our brain, right?

A (30:00)

Sure, sure.

B (30:00)

What we feed our brain. Like for me, it's the puppy videos. Like, that'll do it for me. But I really, you know, and I'm not saying I'm perfect. None of us will be perfect at this. So take the pressure off right now. Not another thing you have to be perfect at. But just be mindful and intentional when you know that you're in crunch time at work and you need to be on. You know, you might want to do some things differently to set yourself up to win is what I call.

A (30:29)

Right. And I'm sorry I keep interrupting your six R's. I think we just wrapped number four. Right. You have two more.

B (30:36)

I do. I do reactivate as one.

A (30:41)

Yes.

B (30:41)

And so that is moving your body, you know, making sure that you do have some. Some movement. I know they just told my 92 year old dad he needs. They asked him if he exercised and he said yes. And we're like, wait, what? Well, I get up from the chair and I walk to the bathroom. All right, daddy, that's not exercise. But yeah, I think that's kind of a no brainer. We need to be able to move our bodies. And especially if you're at a desk job, get up, move. I'm preaching to people who already know how important body movement is for longevity and reactivating. And the sixth one was resting your brain. Really giving your brain some time to just recover from everything, you know, and we talked about this a little bit, you know, be careful what you feed your brain. So all of this mindless distractions From Instagram and TikTok and all of that, right. Not resting your brain, it really is constant stimulation, constant stimulation. So. But there's nothing wrong with sitting down, quieting yourself, taking a few deep breaths, meditating. I never was good at meditating until I read Emily Fletcher's book, Stress less, accomplish more. And basically her style of meditation is great for people with busy brains.

A (32:17)

I need that.

B (32:18)

Yeah, yeah. Because I could never. Like, there's squirrels having a party in my brain all the time. But her style of meditation is just a way to just refocus for about five to 10 minutes on not everything you have to do and have to get to what's waiting for you.

A (32:34)

And I was, I'm intrigued. I need to check that out because again, squirrels are constantly bopping around.

B (32:39)

She. It's called, I think it's Ziva meditation technique that she has and it's been a game changer for my busy brain for sure.

A (32:48)

Great. Great. Well, I mean, the six Rs are, I'm proud to say I think I can subscribe to most of those and I'm doing pretty well. I think I go to bed too early for the three hour thing, so I may need to eat dinner a little bit earlier. But, you know, we're getting there. Progress, right? Nobody's perfect. You gotta make progress. But someone listening to this, you know, they may identify with a lot of what we've discussed so far. But can you talk to me a little bit about knowing when you're out of sync and how to recalibrate? I mean, you opened with a really strong story on how you got to where you are today. You obviously recognized that you were out of sync and need to kind of make some changes. But what are some telltale signs that somebody needs to kind of just rebalance.

B (33:36)

I think when you start to have some doubts or discouragement, most of the time when we're burnt out, exhausted and overwhelmed, we start questioning why are we doing this, you know, what's going on here. We kind of feel like giving up, if you will, or if something's not working, I can't catch a break. All of those things, I call them the doubts and discouragements. And those are usually signals, you know, instead of getting mad at them, look at them as signals to skill up, to do something different, to make a change, if you will. When things feel like they're not going right and you're starting to get discouraged, unmotivated, right? It's a time to maybe learn a new skill, try something new, do something to kind of shake it up a bit so that you get a little bit of energy infused and look at those areas in your life. I call it the meds. Right? Meditation, exercise, diet and sleep. You need to take your meds and make sure you're taking care of yourself. When you start feeling things are out of balance, if you will, and check the distractions like you say, you know, sometimes you just gotta scroll less and scroll up more. But all of it is about when I start feeling like I want to give up and things are not working. I look at where I could increase my skill in an area because a lot of us, I think, don't at a certain age. Right. We're all business professionals here. We feel we need to be the expert at something. And, you know, we don't like to be seen playing small, if you will, right. Or starting something new. But it just might be a signal to where, you know, what, how can I get better at this? Is there a book I can read, a class I can take, a course, a mentor, a consultant, a coach even, to help me get better and to see what I can't see because you can't read the label from inside the jar. And sometimes hiring a coach, someone who can have that higher level view to help you see what you can't see so that you can get out of that imbalance, if you will.

A (36:18)

Sure, sure. So, as I said, the new year brings with it the budget season for school business officials, but more commonly brings New Year's resolutions. But maintaining those resolutions can oftentimes be challenging. So can you talk to me about how to stay motivated and what strategies can you recommend for just really kind of staying on track with your goals?

B (36:43)

Motivation. Listen, we're not going to stay motivated.

A (36:50)

Check. All right, there it is.

B (36:52)

When you, when you lack motivation, you need to rely on discipline. I once had a coach say to me, don't fall in love with the task, fall in love with the reward. And I'll use myself as an example. I went on a mission of almost a year and a half ago being kind of the highest weight ever was and just not happy. And it was very sad for me. And it's just like, okay, pity party's over. What are you going to do about it? And so I went on this mission to start working on building more muscle and more strength. Because from all the books I read on living long, I want to live long and stand up straight and be healthy and still walk. You know, I don't need to run marathons, but I don't want to be that hunched over old lady. Like, that's just my, like, no, I want to still be able to walk without a walker, if you will. And I started working out with weights and it was not fun. I mean, I didn't even hire a trainer. I just got some YouTube trainers, YouTube video trainers, and started working out and started working out. And it took discipline and I knew the results I wanted, so I had to be disciplined. I didn't love the task. I never felt like it. The weights were too heavy and it hurt. And, you know, we can go through all of that. And then there was a trip we took to Death Valley and we were hiking up some rocks in Death Valley and my husband was down below and I stood on top, just did that with my arms. And he took a photo, and I saw the photo and there was muscle definition.

A (38:36)

It was like, oh, my God, that was me. It's working, it's working.

B (38:42)

And I was so excited. And so I fell in love with the reward, the results. I kept my eye on the fact that even though I don't see a difference every day, I do know I'm getting stronger because I'm able to lift a higher weight now. And I hate it. Like, this morning I was like, there was so much going on and I still made the time. I didn't have to find it. I have to make it. I had to be intentional to be disciplined. And so when you lack motivation, what I would say to people is, first of all, start to celebrate the little things that you do right. Celebration breeds more confidence, and the more confident you are, the more courageous you are to try new things and keep going. And it's really celebrating the little steps. And most high achievers don't take time to celebrate the little steps because they didn't make it. To the top of Mount Everest. Yet they're only at Base Camp 5 or whatever. Like, hey, celebrate every time you get to the next level of Base Camp. But it really is about being disciplined and, and focused on what is the end goal. You know, whether it's with your diet or your exercise or landing a promotion or higher. Raise some of the things, some of the steps may not be enjoyable. That's okay. Yeah, it's not going to be.

A (40:16)

Well, I mean, it sounds too like celebrating those small, smaller successes. Those Base camps kind of feed back into motivation. And maybe it feels more like motivation rare than discipline after a while because you are able to carve out a little time to celebrate those smaller successes. And you end up seeing yourself in a picture like, I know her. That's, that's, that's, that's the girl that's been working so hard lifting weights, who had to be disciplined and maybe not motivated, but maybe that, that discipline now turns into just pure motivation because you see the results, right?

B (40:48)

Yeah, well, I was motivated to get the results. I'm motivated to be healthy as I age. That is my motivation. But for daily motivation, it may not be like, ah, it's raining out. I don't feel like it. It's too cold. You know, whatever that is.

A (41:06)

There's a million reasons not to do something.

B (41:08)

Yeah, yeah. And I remember when I was training for an endurance challenge, the excuses I came up with that I would actually say to myself, you literally laid here for 20 minutes thinking of excuses. Your workout could have been over.

A (41:24)

Yeah, that's so right. That is so right.

B (41:30)

You know, but my point in sharing that is there are going to be days when we don't feel like motivated. But you got to get attached to your why, to your goal, to the result that you want. And when you lack motivation, that's rely on discipline, rely on the habits, but rely on the reps, the repetition to skill up and get better at it and get better at it and it gets easy. You know, like my weights didn't get any lighter. I just got a little bit stronger. Same weights that I was complaining about. Now I can lift easier.

A (42:03)

Right. So similar to motivation and for school business officials that are navigating these high pressure situations and are wearing so much on their shoulders day to day, how do you maintain focus and energy? I mean, there's just so many demanding pieces of the work. I think energy is something that we need to kind of unwrap and see. Like, how can we maintain that energy? Because I don't know if It's a balance of how much you're giving versus what you're getting. But I think a lot of the burnout does stem from a lack of energy and focus.

B (42:42)

The thing that I know works for sure, like we shared with the six Rs for energy generating habits. They seem small little tweaks that you can make, but they pack a powerful punch. And when you look at high performing vehicles on a racetrack, they can't keep going around at that high speed without taking a break, right? And that's crucial for your energy is to really build in little pit stops. And I'm not talking anything more than 10 or 15 minutes. You just stop, you reset. And whatever it is you choose to do, if it's just to, to move your energy, to walk, to sit quietly, to rest your brain, to do a quick meditation, to have a protein shake or a protein bar or something, it really is making the time to generate energy. A power plant doesn't have energy, it generates it. So what does it for you? A lot of people rely on coffee, right? And that may work for you. Take a coffee break, take a 10 minute coffee break. Just sometimes you just have to step away so that you can come back with fresh eyes and renewed energy. And even when you're in budget season and everything is like at your brain, I mean, I had a moment not too long ago where my head starts to feel like it starts starting to squeeze in when it's too much, right. I didn't take my break, I somehow just got caught up and it was like it was a signal when you start to feel that way. And I was like, okay, hold the presses. Stop. You know, for, for those of us who are fortunate to work at home. I just got up, went outside, stood in the sunshine. Well, you know, I just had to shake it up a little bit and then come back because I felt the energy being drained from my body. And so establishing habits that, you know, generate energy for you and with everyone, it's going to be different. You've got to get intentional, make it routine habits that you do to incorporate so that those, the chances of burnout get reduced less and less and less doesn't mean it'll never happen, but it's a signal. Like I didn't take enough breaks, I didn't eat the right food for energy, I didn't get enough sleep, didn't rest. And it's all about taking care. It's all about self care really. And I'm not talking spa self care.

A (45:34)

I'm just talking not that you can't do that.

B (45:36)

But, yeah, it's lovely to do that. I'm talking you're in a race, you're going at high speeds. Your Pit Stop team has to be ready for you, and you've got to stop. You know, you can't wave them off. And that's your body telling you, oh, you need Pit Stop. And so when you discipline yourself to take the Pit Stop before you need it, that's the key in having the sustainable energy to get you through these rough moments.

A (46:08)

So what about preserving your identity? We can oftentimes get lost in the work and just get so consumed with our day to day. How do you, in these high stress situations, preserve who you are as a person?

B (46:24)

Tell me a little bit more about what you mean by that.

A (46:27)

So when in our line of work, it is just so demanding, especially during budget season, that all you do maybe is are consumed with the work and all you're doing is budgeting and scheduling meetings and making sure capital projects are on time. And that's all you think about. That's who you identify as, is just someone who orchestrates the budget. But people are so much more than their work. How do you preserve who you are personally as a person and make sure that you're able to go to your kids games or making sure that you're able to take time and do things that you want to do for. For leisure? You're not just identified as the person who makes the budget for a school district every single year.

B (47:09)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you in that. I was identified as a dental hygienist for almost 40 years. And when I stopped, it took me so long to stop because that was such a part of my identity, even though I was building new businesses and new streams for myself. And, you know, as humans, we all have this desire for creative expression, if you will, and looking for ways to be creative, to have that desire for new. And I think it comes back to prior priorities in our getting clear the cpr, if you will, getting clear about who we are and what makes us happy, and prioritizing those moments for life. Because left to my own devices, I'll be honest with you, I love what I do so much that I'll just keep doing it. And so I've hired my husband to be the chief fund officer in my life. Dude, you got to schedule, you know, social stuff. Like, you're good at that. That's your strength. You're hired. And just make me do it. Just make me do it. But you're talking to Someone who actually, you know, can get caught up and loves what she does. But it's. It's scheduling, too. You know, you've got to put self care in the calendar. You've got to put fun in the calendar. I have to schedule fun or I'll forget to have it.

A (48:44)

And make sure you follow through on it, too. It can't just be an item on your calendar, right?

B (48:48)

Yeah, no, it's got to be a time block on the calendar, not just the reminder, right? Yeah, it gets to be a time block, and you get to prioritize your identity. So whether it's mountain biking, kids, games, all of that stuff, that's a boundary. You know, you've got to have that balance, if you will. Like, I need this to be able to perform my best at work. And when you lose yourself in work, you actually are diminishing your performance. So. And I think a lot of companies that I've noticed are starting to offer opportunities for their employees to make sure that they have that time for personal life and satisfaction so that they can perform better at work. There's studies that show that that helps you. So if it's just you that's preventing you from doing that, stop it.

A (49:49)

Stop it. When in doubt, stop it. All right, Ava, I have one more question for you.

B (49:57)

Yes, sir.

A (49:58)

So if you could offer one piece of advice to our listeners who are really inspired by what you've had to say today, and watch enter 2025 with balance and intention, what would that piece of advice be?

B (50:13)

Take some time to get clear on how you want to feel going into 2025, how much joy you want to have in your life? What do you want that feeling to be? Do you want and really get connected to the feeling? Not just the doing, not just the activity, not just the goal, but how you want to feel? Do you want to feel stressed out? Do you want to feel overwhelmed? Do you want to feel exhausted and tired and overwhelmed? And if you want to feel the opposite of that, if you're feeling that way now and you want to feel energized, vibrant, and joyful, what's in the gap? What is preventing you? What do you have to stop doing to get that? And I always start with stop doing as opposed to start doing. What do you have to let go of so that you can bring more joy and vibrancy and energy into your life? And instead of a New Year's resolution, start looking at things to let go of that are preventing you from having that feeling in your body. Waking up energized ready to start the day, ready to slay the day. What do you have to give up? And that could be, I need to give up staying up late at night looking at spreadsheets.

A (51:43)

Turn that email off. Right.

B (51:45)

It could be just that simple. I need to put the phone down at dinner and talk to my family. That would bring me joy, you know, so it, it, it, sometimes it's just simple. But how do you want to feel? Because we don't want to feel guilty about not spending time with our loved ones and not showing up as our best self. So look at what you need to stop doing instead before you start adding.

A (52:09)

That's great. Well, thank you so much for, for sitting down with me today, Ava. I mean, just you've imparted so much knowledge just personally with me, and I'm sure our listeners will get just the same. And thank you for just being so vulnerable and transparent and just offering so much to our listeners and what they can do just really better themselves as we enter the new year. So I appreciate you sitting down, and I hope to talk soon.

B (52:33)

Okay. Thank you for having me.

A (52:36)

Thank you for tuning in to School Business Insider. Make sure to check back each week for your favorite topics on school business.