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You're listening to ASBO International's School Business Insider. I'm your host, John Brucato. Each week on School Business Insider, I sit down with school business officials and industry experts from around the world to share their stories and explore the topics that matter most to you. Find out what it means to be a school business official and get your insider pass on all things school business. Hello everyone, and welcome back to School Business Insider. This episode is a little bit different today. No guest, it's just me. I wanted to take some time to reflect on something that so many of us in school, business and education leadership are navigating right now and the balance between career, family and identity. As many of you know, my wife Brady and I recently welcomed our second child, a beautiful reminder of how life changes fast and how our priorities shift between raising two kids, supporting a busy district and trying to stay present at home. I've been thinking a lot about what balance actually means. So today I'm going to share some personal reflections on what I learned about managing work, family and self and how I'm approaching this new season of life and what it means to find purpose and even in the chaos. So before I get started, I just hope everyone who was able to attend Acne in Fort Worth had a wonderful time. I wasn't able to make it this year. Obviously I'll talk about why. Probably can figure that out based on the intro, but I saw a lot of great photos posted on LinkedIn. I had a lot of friends and colleagues texting me pictures and just things from sessions and it just really looked like a wonderful expo and conference, which of course ASBO International always does a wonderful job. So I hope everyone enjoyed it, is getting the rest they deserve after going to such an awesome event. And it's always tough getting back into reality. But yeah, so today I just wanted to kind of just talk through some reflections I've had. We, as I said, welcomed our second child into the world about two months ago and man did I forget how taxing the newborn stage is. Just really on your sleep and your mental psyche. We have almost three and a half year old so we were into our groove. My wife and I really kind of had everything going. He has been sleeping really well for a couple years now and everything was somewhat predictable. You always have those ups and downs with toddlers, but now it's like we're back to square one. Plus because not only are we navigating the newborn stage again, we have a toddler to contend with who is also competing for the spotlight Which I didn't really anticipate that's been a challenge. But it has really been an amazing journey so far. Although it's been two months since we have our little girl, it's just been an amazing to watch my son kind of find his new identity a little bit and really love on his little sister. And of course my wife is absolutely phenomenal and it makes the whole raising a family that much easier. But I am back to where I was feeling when we first had our son. And I have to say, I'm such a wimp when it comes to lack of sleep and being able to perform my job functions at full capacity. So that I. It's amazing. It must be an evolutionary instinct or some kind of primal survival instinct where you forget all of this kind of. I mean, you realize that it happened when you had your child, but you don't remember the nuances of getting up multiple times throughout the night to feed this little baby who can't take care of themselves. Because if that's all you remembered, you probably wouldn't have more than one kid. So it's been challenging in that regard. And I think timing wise, our daughter was born end of August, so we were starting school and some people are like, oh, this is such a great time to have a kid. I mean, it's a tail end of summer, the weather's turning, it's not hot, all that stuff. But it's like, well, I work in a school district, so school starting up for us in September, so I was a little anxious about that and obviously there's nothing I can do to control it. But I will say it's gone pretty well. So when I think back to when we had our first child, it was brand new to us, obviously. And then every little noise that he made, we jump out of bed. Is he okay? Infants, I forgot, are so loud and grunting and they're like little piglets. So we were freaking out every time our son made noises and now it's like we're used to that and so it's not as reactionary. So I, I'm realizing that I'm getting better sleep just because my body's like, oh no, you don't have to freak out every time she makes a noise. But we have been fortunate in that she's now sleeping maybe four to five hours at a time, which kind of works out with our schedule. We'll put her down maybe around 8 to 9 o'. Clock. My wife will get up with her at midnight, one in the morning and then I'll get up with her around four or five, which is perfect because I typically start my day pretty early anyways, so it works out. But even just one interruption or two interruptions a night really kind of messes with my ability to really focus throughout the day. So I think the second time around, it's a little bit easier and I'm able to be more present at work, I think, but equally, I'm more present at home. I really struggled, I think, the first time, to find that, to strike that balance, being a new dad, having a newborn in the house, and it was all brand new. And I think the second time around, you have a little bit more experience, you have a little bit better of an idea of what to expect. So that has been actually going really well. It's just I find that now the days seem shorter, not because they actually are getting shorter because we're headed into the fall season, but it's just now your love is spread onto somebody else and this little munchkin in your house. And it's like the days just seem to be flying by already. And the fact that I'm sitting here, two months ago it was just three of us, and now it's four of us in the house. It's just amazing that it's been two months already. And I'm sure that resonates with all of you who are parents and listening to this right now. But it's a lot. It's all great stuff, but it's tough. And I think as school business officials and being leaders in education, it's tough to be a leader at home and to keep that in focus and trying to manage everything at your district and any other extracurriculars you have going on. So I know a lot of you listeners are on boards and local chapters and state chapters and even in international. So, I mean, there's so much going on. So trying to balance it all and being present has proven to be pretty challenging. But I think that's why we do this. I think the work that we do is challenging and we thrive for that. So why not throw another baby into the mix? Because that certainly isn't challenging enough. But I find myself kind of redefining balance. It's funny, in these wee hours of the morning, I've had a lot of idle time to reflect on who I am, not just as a father, but how do I balance that as being so important to me with work? And I think my balance has evolved. I've always been very career driven and I always have other things going on. I mean, this podcast is a great example. And anytime I talk to my wife about getting involved with a new committee or something, I get a pretty serious eye roll. So I've learned to reprioritize my time with that. But I think now with this reflection, I think the biggest thing I've been able to kind of personally reflect on is not striving to just perfect everything. One of my personality traits is I get focused on something and I want it to go well, and I get frustrated when it doesn't go according to plan. And I think what this whole experience has taught me, going from one to two kids, is that you kind of just, you can't sweat the small stuff and kind of embrace imperfection. And what I mean by that is not letting your job performance slip or letting things go, but just being okay with. All right, well, maybe the house is a little bit more messy this week because we had to shift our schedule around. Or maybe we can't cook dinner from scratch every single night because time is finite. So those are two small examples. But I think just being able to embrace that mindset has really helped and. And it took a lot of adjustment because that's not really how we operated. And when you're playing two on one, you can kind of do those things. But when now it's man coverage in the house, you have less available free hands. So we're trying to figure that out as we go along. But I really think the biggest thing for me is just being present. And being a school business official, as you all know, is a pretty demanding job. So I have to constantly remind myself to be present at home, get off my phone. I've sworn off social media for the most part. I mean, this was well before we had our second kid, but I found myself just kind of doom scrolling on Instagram for really no good reason. And I kind of just gave that up because I'm like, what am I doing with my time? So I started reading a little bit more. And that has really proven to be better just for my mental health and just as a good wind down routine before bed and cracking open a book, not on a Kindle, not on an iPad, but a physical book. Big hardcover guy here. But reading has really helped me kind of rebalance and center myself. Now, unfortunately, by the time we get the kids down, I'm exhausted and usually just go to sleep. So that reading has taken a backseat. But at least I'm still not doom scrolling on social media. That has been something that I am really happy that I did. And I didn't kind of just draw a line in the sand and say, I'm never doing this again. There was just one day where I didn't sign into Instagram and it's kind of been it. I still will jump on every now and then to check if there's events going on in town or things like that, because most companies use social media to communicate pretty regularly. So I'll do that. But I'm not sitting there kind of scrolling and checking things out. But that has really helped. But more so has helped primarily with me just being present. So rather than looking at my family through a screen, I'm looking at them face to face. And it kind of sounds silly saying it out loud, but I think at least for me, we're just getting stuck in a routine of being on my phone checking email. And I'm really trying to disconnect to a point when I get home and not check email and not answer. Not urgent communications as they come up. It is funny though, because if I'm feeding my daughter in the middle of the night and I'm near my phone, I have a lot of idle time. So I may check my phone. And I'm getting some pretty funny replies from people later in the day saying, why are you Messaging me at 3 in the morning? But it's like my emails at 3 in the morning are just because I have nothing better to do and I'm up anyways. My expectation is not that anybody reply, but that's been kind of entertaining to see those reactions. But for the most part, I really have committed to trying to stay disconnected when I'm not at work. And the other thing too, one big regret that I had when we first had our son was I took off a few days and we got settled at home and then I was right back to work. And I think a lot of that was because I was still fairly new at my school district and I was still figuring things out and finding my place in the organization and building trust and relationships. I'm not entirely proud to say this, but I think I prioritized that a little bit more than I did my new family. And looking back on that was somewhat of a regret for me. And I made an oath to myself that this time around would be different because I feel like I have established myself at my school district. I have a great rapport with my superintendent, my board of education. We all love working together and they're all very much family oriented. So I wasn't hesitant to say, I'm going To take a little bit more time at home and take some parental leave, more so than I did the first time around. And I'll tell you, that has totally changed my life for the better. I not learning about my daughter's milestones through texts and pictures. I'm actually seeing them happen in real time. She just rolled over a few days ago, which was totally cool and it was just amazing to be there for it rather than getting a video from my wife who's at home with our kid. So I think I've had the luxury of being able to do that. I don't know that I probably could have done that the first time around, but I wasn't comfortable where I was in my career, I guess. I guess I shouldn't say in my career, but where, where I was with my school district. I just wanted to feel like I was proving myself. And you know, when I look back on it, I think that was all in my head. I don't think that my district, my superintendent, my board would have cared if I took more time off. They get it and they're incredibly supportive. So lesson learned. I guess it's a little bit too late. But hey now, now that I know I made the right decision the second time around, taking some more time off. Every hour you spend soliciting bids is time you could spend improving your district. With KPN and peppm, you skip the bidding process entirely thanks to pre bid contracts designed by a Pennsylvania educational service agency. Join thousands of school districts already saving time, money and stress with nationwide compliant purchasing power. Find out how@www.thekpn.org or www.peppm.org. so that's just been awesome and we'll even do so. My son goes to daycare and he loves it. I think toddlers and kids in general are just creatures of routine and thrive on that. So even if I am home, we'll take him in. Usually I'll take Mondays and Fridays to kind of extend the weekend a little bit. And so Fridays and Mondays we'll have him go in maybe half day, maybe a full day. Like I said, he absolutely loves it. So it's great that I can spend some one on one time with our new daughter and not have to worry about my son not getting attention or feeling guilty. And speaking of which, I think that was one of the biggest things I wasn't anticipating was just the level of guilt I felt when we first brought my daughter home was now it wasn't just the three of us, my wife, myself and my son, we had this new little person in our lives and I don't know, it was just. It was heartbreaking. For some reason, I just, I felt guilty and I talked to some friends that are parents and they reassured me that it's kind of a normal feeling. But I. I have to tell you, it was just really unexpected. That was not on my radar of emotions. Feeling guilt of bringing your second kid home? Because my son was fine. I mean, he was acting out a little bit, but I think it was just a big, monumental change. And having a baby is very emotional. I'll save you the story on the first one, but it was pretty traumatic. But the second time around was a lot smoother. But, yeah, I remember my wife and I were just kind of in tears, just feeling guilty about bringing this baby home, when really we're like, why are we so upset? This is such a joyous time. But that time has passed and everybody is happy and doing well. But yeah. So any of you listening? If you're thinking about a second kid, I guess be prepared for that because that was really bizarre. But I try to make the connection between now this new stage in our family life and what does that mean professionally and more. So what does it mean in terms of being a leader? I think it's been challenging in terms of just lack of sleep and those kinds of things, but I also think it's allowing me to reflect on myself as a leader. And I think patience is the biggest thing because it's easy or it was easier when it was just three of us to be able to kind of manage one little person. And now we have to kind of pick and choose our battles. And I'm like, you know, maybe that's. I can correlate that to my work. And I've been able to kind of be a little bit more patient, exact, a little bit more empathy in my work because we're all juggling these priorities. So, I mean, those correlations could be made from your personal to your professional life. So that has been pretty interesting of a reflection for me just to be a little bit more patient. I'm always trying to get things done. And I think as school business officials, our jobs are cyclical, like I've said on the podcast before. And we have deadlines and expectations and regulations that we have to follow. So, you know, we're very rule oriented, rule followers. And. And I think being able to exact a little bit more patience on what we're doing is a good thing. And I think it's really served me well. It's Been short. It's been, you know, not that I was totally impatient before two months ago, but I've learned that I need to slow down a little bit, you know, and take my time, I think is a better way to put it. But it's. You know, there's parallels between managing your team and your business office and a household. And I think for me, and maybe most of you, listening really does boil down to communication. And I found that being very clear with our communication at home and at work has served all of us well. And we have to be even more clear now because it's like, you know, my son's name is Bo. Bo, don't jump on your sister. She's tiny. It's not like you're a big guy. But she's a little baby. So being able to show patience and realizing he's coming from a place of love has been really fun. But another thing I've realized is becoming a new parent is you're all consumed with it, and it's just such an amazing experience. And then when you have your second, it's equally as amazing, but it's a little bit different. And I'm realizing, too, you have to keep your identity as yourself. You know, I think school business officials are leaders. A lot of them are spouses or even parents. But you still need to be true to yourself and kind of find the time to do things for yourself. And, you know, my wife struggles with this because she's such a selfless person. Like, she feels guilty if she wants to run out and do errands or anything. It's like, no, I got the kids, it's fine. But we have this conversation all the time that it's important to take time for yourself and take time for one another. We need to get past the fact that it's okay to do a trip with just the two of us, and the grandparents can watch the kids because they absolutely love it. And my son has unfettered access to snacks and candy. So it's a win, win, I guess, until we get him back and he's all wound up on, off his routine. But that's a whole nother episode. But I think, too, just being able to take time for yourself is truly important and maintain your hobbies. For me, I love working outside, especially this time of year in the Northeast. The weather's cooling down, the leaves are falling and changing. It's a beautiful time to be out, so working in the yard. Personally, I'm big on the peloton community, so maintaining fitness and exercise is super important. And as I mentioned before, with my daughter's sleep schedule, it's been working out really well. And selfishly, it's like I've been able to maintain my workout routine. So not only does sleep matter a lot to me, staying active matters a lot because it just kind of sets the tone for the day and I feel so much better after a workout. So I mean, being able to maintain all of that, I've been extremely fortunate. But I'm also being realistic that once you get used to something, especially with an infant, it's bound to change. So I probably just cursed myself broadcasting this out to the universe that's being so fortunate to maintain my schedule. But time will tell. But my wife and I have talked a lot about making time for each other and making sure that one of us has both kids so she can go out with her girlfriend or do her own thing and vice versa. So that has been a learning experience and I think we still have a lot to grow on that. But it is important and I think if you don't do those things, you're going to end up burning yourself out because work is always going to be there and that's such a stressor, especially during budget season and whatever else is popping up in the work life, that's always going to be a constant stressor there. So being able to take that time I found is in my late night reflections. I'm really trying to prioritize that a lot more. So it goes back to my earlier thing of turning the devices off. Being outside with my family and just making those memories I think is super important. However, though my wife says I need to be better about taking pictures of her and the kids, she has all these cool photos of me and our family and the ones I take of her I guess aren't up to par. So I need to get better at my angles. So at least using my phone for that and not doom scrolling I guess is important. But I encourage all of you listening. Check in with yourselves and make sure that you're taking time for yourself and for your spouse or your significant other. You're taking time for that too because it's amazing how quickly time slips away. And as I mentioned before, it's been two months already with our newborn and I know in a blink of an eye she's going to be taking her first steps and saying her first words. So that being present there, like I mentioned before, has been so important. But also don't lose sight of yourself. I think being a parent is a huge part of our identity, but you still got to find the stuff that you love doing outside of just being a parent. But all in all, this has been the most amazing part of my life. And I'm just privileged. I get to share it with my close friends and family. And all of you listening, it's just, you know, those of you who are parents, I'm sure that resonates with you, but it's just the most amazing thing that I've ever been able to do. It's just, you know, we have our own little family now. And it's just, you know, some days are challenging and others are just completely blissful. But, you know, there's a mix in between. And, you know, a coworker of mine said something that really resonated with me. She said that the days are long, but the years are short. And no truer words have ever been spoken to me about parenthood. Because to think back to my son is now approaching three and a half. And I know I'm going to be feeling the same way about my daughter in three short years. It goes by in a blink of an eye. So it's just been fun. And what else has been fun is that all of my friends, we've all had kids within a year of each other, so we're all kind of experiencing this together. And it's fun to be on some of those group chats comparing notes of newish parents. So everyone's looking at maybe their second kid now in the near future. So it's been a blast. But. But I just wanted to take a little bit of time today and just kind of do a personal reflection. And I appreciate you hanging on if you're still tuned in at this point. Every now and then, maybe once a quarter, I kind of do a solo episode just to mix things up. And hopefully it's not too frustrating or not too boring just hearing me drone on. But I just wanted to put a little personal spin on one of these episodes and give you a little glimpse behind the microphone in terms of what's been going on with me. But I do want to say I appreciate everyone tuning in week after week. I don't know what's been going on lately, but our stats have been kind of jumping up pretty aggressively. So maybe the word's getting out there and people are liking the content. And it's just been such a pleasure to do this, and I'm excited about some guests we have coming up and trying to stay as topical as possible. So if you are listening to this and you have an idea, or if you even want to be a guest or have somebody in mind to be a guest, make sure that you make that recommendation. If you go to asbointl.org SBI that's our main landing page for the podcast, and on that page you'll see a Suggest a topic button and you'll be able to do just that. Suggest a topic, whether it's you or as a guest, somebody else as a guest, or if there's just something topic wise you want to hear about, you can fill out a form and that'll be sent directly to us. We've had a lot of good submissions and a lot of them have made it to Episodes. So please, if there's something that's a top of mind that you want to get a little bit more in depth on, just please let us know and we'll try and make that happen. But thank you all for tuning in. I'm excited to bring you some more guests next week in the weeks to come. But yeah, keep tuning in and I hope you're enjoying School Business Insider. It's been a pleasure hosting this for the past year and a half and I'll see you next week. Thank you for tuning in to School Business Insider. Make sure to check back each week for your favorite topics on school business. Sam.