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School Business Insider
The Science of Happiness: Transforming Work and Life for School Business Officials
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- [00:01]
A
You're listening to ASBO International's School Business Insider. I'm your host, John Brucato. Each week on School Business Insider, I sit down with school business officials and industry experts from around the world to share their stories and explore the topics that matter most to you. Find out what it means to be a school business official and get your insider pass on all things school business. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to School Business Insider. Today we're diving into a transformative topic that's essential for personal and professional success. Happiness. Our guest, Ken Strobel, CEO of Strobel Education, and Kim Strobel Incorporated, is an expert in the science of the secret to better work and life. Kim's work bridges the gap between research and actionable strategies, helping individuals and organizations create thriving environments. In today's episode, we'll explore how school business officials can tailor their mindset to foster positivity, productivity, and resilience. From addressing stress and burnout to cultivating joy and fulfillment in the workplace, Kim will share practical tools and real world examples to help you make a lasting impact in your district. Kim, welcome to the podcast. I'm so happy to have you today.
- [01:23]
B
Oh, John, thank you. This is my favorite topic, and I know you and I were talking even before we jumped in, but I've given, you know, snippets of this talk to school leaders recently in Florida, New York, North Carolina, and I know sometimes the topic of happiness can seem a little frivolous, like, okay, what is this going to be, John? You know, really? You've got a happiness coach coming on.
- [01:45]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think the timing is great because, you know, business officials across the US at least, and all over the globe likely are getting into budget season. It's extremely stressful, and I think we don't talk about happiness and positivity enough in the workplace. I think we focus a lot on what it looks like in the classroom for students and for teachers and that dynamic. But there's a whole nother side of it in education. So I'm glad to bring you on and have you share a little bit of your success stories and what you do. So that being the case, why don't you give our audience a little bit of your background and just kind of introduce yourself a little bit.
- [02:18]
B
Yeah, yeah. So I'm a former fourth grade teacher, and then I was a literacy coach, and then I stepped into school leadership. And I'm just going to say that I always say school leaders are like the stepchild or the middle child because it feels like we Give sometimes, you know, like a tremendous amount of attention or we try to. Right. To nurturing our teachers and nurturing our students. And then I feel like sometimes we're kind of on the island of misfit toys and we've got to figure a lot of things out for ourselves.
- [02:47]
A
Right.
- [02:48]
B
So I've had all of those roles, and then I just took this giant leap in 2016 and I started Strobel Education. And we provide professional development, coaching, school improvement, all of that probably on like 17 different topics. But my role now is I've stepped into the motivational speaking realm in 2018. And so I'm on hundreds of stages every year, which is my favorite thing to do. And I, I found through my own story, which you'll hear about later, that you know, even. Well, one of my favorite quotes, John, is in the darkest skies, the brightest stars are seen. You know, and so we've all had adversities and challenges and struggles, and sometimes we're kind of in the trenches of it right now, and it can be difficult to really see where those stars are. But at the same time, I have found that school leaders have built this uncanny resilience and strength that allows them to really take a step back and look and see what all they are doing. Well, because sometimes it does feel like never enough.
- [03:53]
A
Right, right. So stepping away from a teaching career is a bold move because traditionally teachers, it's a lifelong career. So what motivated you to really kind of step outside of that comfort of having a lifelong career as a teacher, to really speaking to individuals about happiness and motivation and getting them just energized for what they do?
- [04:11]
B
Yeah. You know, John, I have like the most supportive husband. I'm the, you know, type a kind of, I don't like to use the word aggressive one, but he's, he's more laid back and he always supports me, comes along for the ride every time. And when I told him I was going to do this, it is the. Well, one of two times that he's kind of stood up to his wife.
- [04:30]
A
I hate to draw the line somewhere. Right.
- [04:34]
B
He's like, you're going to give up this curriculum director's job, this every two week paycheck, great insurance, and like, I want to believe in you, but where are you going to find these people and how are we going to, you know, So I felt like I was putting my family's financial future at risk. But I will tell you that for one year I stepped away and I worked for a consulting company and it was to be Honest with you. A total nightmare of my life. 80 hour work weeks. My value system did not really line up to theirs, and I had to step away after a year. And I was like, at the time, I was 39 years old, and I thought, I've never not had a job. I've worked since I was in fifth grade. And I ended up stepping into a curriculum director's role, which was phenomenal. But the last gig I did for them, I remember walking away and looking down at the evaluations, and a few people had written things like, it's not this company that we love. It's Kim Strobel's ability to relate to us. And, you know, and I. I thought, you know, maybe this is my calling and what I'm supposed to do. It just wasn't the right environment. So I'm a runner, John. I run 40 miles a week, and I tell people for every run I took for. For two and a half years, I envisioned the number of teachers and school leaders and people who work within the school walls. I could see them in the crowd. I could feel them. And I really just knew in the depths of my being that this is what I was being called to do. And so I told my husband to get some counseling so that he could get behind his wife, because we were going to launch January 1st. So October, November, and December, Scott Strobel went to some counseling, and he got behind his wife.
- [06:20]
A
And way to be, Scott.
- [06:22]
B
He said I was right. Can you believe it? He said I was right all along.
- [06:27]
A
That's wonderful. Well, kudos to you for really taking that leap of faith and following your heart, because it's not always easy to walk away from those guaranteed paychecks and health insurance. Like you were saying, John, it's not.
- [06:39]
B
Yeah.
- [06:39]
A
Yeah. But look at you now. Now you're talking to people all over the world on School. Business Insider. Right. So that's gotta be worth.
- [06:46]
B
And I pay $652 a month for my own insurance, but, hey, I'm in my zone of genius, John. It's okay.
- [06:54]
A
Awesome. So let's talk a little bit about the signs of happiness that you hone in on to your audiences and to those that you speak to. So can you tell me what the science is behind happiness? And, you know, really, why is it so important for personal and professional life?
- [07:09]
B
Yeah. You know, so this is what I tell people. In August, I took 21 flights. In 20 of those 21 flights was to live to deliver the science of happiness. It's a different state almost every day. And I stand behind the curtain, John, and I hear the announcers announce that the science of happiness, and we've got this happiness coach here. And before I walk out beside behind the curtain, I am positive that 80% of the people hate me. Right.
- [07:34]
A
Do you think, like, the initial reaction is like, oh, this is a gimmick and like what?
- [07:39]
B
This is exactly what we need, someone to come up here on this stage and be a cheerleader and preach toxic positivity to us, you know, and so I, I actually walk out onto the stage and I say that because we do have this misinterpretation, for good reason, of what society and social constructs have told us happiness is. And at a time, John, even 15 years ago, I would have been laughed out of the room if I was going to come in and talk about happiness. But when we begin to understand the neuroscience behind the brain and how it directly relates to employee longevity, employee productivity, employee engagement, we begin to see that there's some meaty science behind cultivating these habits. For me, I've been on a 30 year personal development journey. I am someone, John, and I won't get into all of it just because of time's sake, but I've suffered some great atrocities and injustices and struggles in my own life. Believe it or not, I'm somebody who struggled with a severe anxiety disorder that went undiagnosed for years called panic disorder. And so I am the young woman who struggled to leave my house, walk to my mailbox, drive my car, five minutes to work. And to be honest with you, it got to the point where every 10 minutes of every day was a fight for my life. But sometimes I believe that you get to take the mess of your life and you get to do something good with it. And the deep suffering that just that particular incident, along with other things in times of darkness I endured, led me on this path of gosh, Kim, how do you take 100% responsibility for your life and move the needle forward? Because that's up to you and only up to you. And so I had some epiphanies happen. And I have been a student of the personal development field for 30 years, and I stumbled upon upon the Science of Happiness 20 years ago and began to implement it when I was a curriculum director. And I just got so fired up at what happens in our lives when we learn to cultivate habits that get us results in every area of our lives. And so I share that story on stage because I want to connect immediately with people in that I am a real person and you know what, John? You and I are a mixture of happy and unhappy all day long. You know, happiness is not this place that you finally get to in life. It is more of a direction that we can head in. And what I know from the research that I want to share with you is that we all have the ability to get happier. And when we do, when we teach employees brains to get to positive more than negative, neutral, or stressed, what happens, John, is employees are 31% more productive in their job. They are 10 times more engaged in their job, and they are three times more creative, which means that all of a sudden they have access to pathways in the brain that are shut down when you're at negative, neutral, or stressed. And they can begin to see solutions to problems. They can begin to think creatively and come up with opportunities that were there the whole time, but their brain wouldn't let them see it. And so I'm a student of Shawn Achor and Sean and Sonia Luberamisky have proven over and over again that there are these success principles that begin to happen in our life when we learn to retrain our brains. And I have so much to say about that. But I want to stop because I've just given you a lot of information.
- [11:48]
A
Well, you know, you make really interesting points. And one I want to circle back to is that know happiness isn't really an end goal, that you just check a box like, oh, I'm happy now. Right. This is something that is almost like exercising, like running. It's constant maintenance. It's constant work. So like you said, it's a direction. Do you find that when you talk to people about that, that, like, a light bulb goes off? Because I. I would assume that people assume either I'm a happy person or I'm an unhappy person. But to your point, it could oscillate many times throughout the day. How do people kind of approach that theory? Because it sounds like it. It's relieving. Right. If I'm not happy all the time, that doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong. It's just. It's kind of where I am throughout the day or the week.
- [12:30]
B
Exactly. And so, like, it's giving ourselves some grace and understanding that these are unattainable goals that we're trying to reach. And so, you know, I woke up this morning, John. I was super fired up. I was on top of the world. I was playing with my dogs. I did my meditation. I. I ran my five miles with my dogs. I did my gratitude journal things were great. And then I opened up my email and there were 17 fires to put out. And like my stress level jumped out of the roof and my whole demeanor just went down. And so there is really, sometimes it's like knowledge is power, especially when we act on that knowledge and we don't even have the knowledge to understand that we are a mixture of all of these emotions and we should be allowed to feel the breadth of them. John, I'm angry at times, I'm mad at times, I'm stressed at times, I'm ticked at times, I'm frustrated at times. And I'm also happy and joyful and alive at times. And that's okay. You know, there's this like weird thing that we have where we think we're supposed to arrive at happiness. And I will tell you, John, the success formula that we've been fed by well meaning people, our parents, our teachers, society, there's this kind of downloadable script that says, okay, John, if you go to school and you work really hard and you get really good grades, you can get into a really good college. And I need you to get into a really good college because then you really got to buckle down because you're competing against thousands and thousands of people. And John, we need you to get out of college and get a job and climb the ladder and make that good money and get that nice house and buy those two cars and get married. And you kind of have this thing like these are the, the hoops you jump through and you're chasing, you're chasing these things because you've been told that when you achieve these particular goals, that on the other side of that is happiness. And we all kind of giggle because we're like, well, we know that formula is wrong, but I know the research, John, and have studied it for 20 years and I'm still convinced that if I can buy a lake house, a lake house, I'm going to be a whole lot happier. But there, you know what I mean? Like, and so I tell people, you want to have goals, you want to have a vision for your life. We get stuck when we tie our happiness to the achievement of a goal, right?
- [14:44]
A
It's almost like the dog who catches the car, right? It's like you reach that point and then it's like, well, now what? You may or may not feel any happier than you were prior to it, but you had your mind set on this. And once you achieve it, I'm assuming if you don't feel exactly as you had predicted you would, it's A failure. But that's not necessarily the case.
- [15:03]
B
Or it feels good and it feels happy and you're excited. And two weeks, two. Two months later, you're. You're back to your baseline happiness level. Because we have this thing called hedonic adaptation in our brains, which actually helps us, John. It's like, you know, I just ran in 7 degree weather. I came in and I sat by the fire, and it felt so cozy and so warm. And for two minutes, I was just so wonderful. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, okay, I'm done with this. My body's adjusted. It doesn't feel so good anymore. And so what happens is our brains just simply recalibrate, John. They say, oh, now you've reached this goal. I'm going to now move the goalpost. And now in order for you to feel happy and successful, now you got to meet this criteria.
- [15:44]
A
Well, that's something in the office. I mean, having been a school business official for a decade now, I've realized, too, that, you know, money is important to people, but it doesn't solve issues, and it doesn't make people happy. There may be instant gratification, like, oh, I got this raise. My employer appreciates me, but. But if the underlying issues aren't addressed in terms of maybe they're not satisfied at work, or they're not fulfilled or challenged, no amount of money is going to solve that. Right?
- [16:09]
B
Yeah, that's such a great point. And so what Shawn Achor tells us is that the formula for success is actually backward, and that when we learn to prioritize our happiness first, then and only then, John, do we begin to move the needle. In every area of our life, we begin to experience success. After happiness becomes a priority in our life, we, you know, when you're happy, first, you show up as a different person in your job. When you're happy, first, you show up as a different partner for your spouse, as a different parent. And all of these things shift only when we learn to prioritize happiness in the workplace. And I tell people, I am not the happiness guru. I am a solid practitioner of happiness on a daily basis. It is a discipline that has moved the needle in every area of my life.
- [17:03]
A
And so how do you approach the concept of happiness with people? Because I'm sure happiness can mean something very different to five different people in a room. So talk to me how you kind of approach that. Because what makes me happy may be very different than one of my colleagues or my wife or somebody else in my life. So what is your kind of approach to that and in your message?
- [17:24]
B
Yeah, well, I think, you know, when we think back to the happiness research. So the happiness research says that we all have a set baseline happiness level. So, John, maybe my baseline is here and maybe your baseline is a little bit higher. So something good happens to our life. Like maybe we do get a job raise and we feel really great about that, or, or we buy a new home or our kid gets into the college they've been wanting to get in. Whatever it is, he know, something good happens in your life and you get a bump in happiness, and it might last two hours, it might last two months, and it might last two years. But what we know, John, is that you are always going to come right back to whatever your baseline is. Now, the same is true for when we endure really hard things in our life. Believe it or not, it's been proven over and over again that as humans, we can endure trauma, we can endure loss, illness, struggle, adversity. And while our happiness levels will dip, the brain does usually reset itself back to baseline. So then that begs the question, well, why is John's baseline level? Why is it higher than Kim's? And so I want you to think of your happiness as a pie chart. And what we know, John, is that 50% of your long term happiness is genetic. And John, when I say this, 80% of the heads in the crowd drop. And I literally hear people say, I'm so screwed. I'm like, look, we have a genetic tendency. You know, it's just some of us can look at a french fry and we put on five pounds and others can eat french fries every day. Look, happiness, there's a genetic tendency. It comes from our mom or our dad or a mixture of both. Now, I am actually a student of epigenetics, so I believe that even though we might have the genetics that wire our brains a certain way, that we actually can do things that turn off or on those genes. But Sonia Lubermisky's research is pretty strong that 50% is genetic. But I don't want you to lose hope yet, John. Stay with me.
- [19:32]
A
Okay, so there must be a certain level of self awareness that is needed to identify where you, where your baseline is in happiness. So I'm guessing you know, when you speak to your, to folks about this, you need them to be honest with themselves, right? Because to truly get the most out of this, you need to be vulnerable and honest with yourself because you don't want to put on a facade. Because similar to the analogy of getting paid more. It may help initially, but the root of the issue isn't being addressed. So how do you approach that self awareness, honesty, vulnerability piece with people, especially in a large room where, well, like you said, 80% of the crowd might be like, yeah, whatever, Kim, before you even get out on stage?
- [20:13]
B
Well, first of all, you know what I'm going to do, John? I'm going to send you a link that I share when I do this keynote to my favorite happiness quizzes that are going to at least begin to have you evaluate how happy you feel in your life. But the research shows, John, that we don't want to feel bad about ourselves. So we will actually inflate our scores when we do this quiz.
- [20:35]
A
Sure, that makes sense. It's like, it's like tipping the scales a little bit, like.
- [20:40]
B
So I'm going to give you the link to that in a little bit where if anybody wants to go in and take a few quizzes just to start getting you to look at how engaged are you in your life? What kind of relationships and how good do you feel in your social connections in your life? How much aliveness do you have in your life? And so it does get you to kind of look at these critical components and take a snapshot of where you are on a baseline level. But where I think the research gets so interesting, John, is that we can take every single circumstance that has ever been in your life. What kind of childhood did you have? What kind of parents did you have? Were. Did you come, you know, like, from poverty? Did you come from wealth? Were you bullied? Were you not bullied? Were you popular? Were you not popular? Were you athletic? Were you not athletic? Every single adult circumstance you have, John, what kind of job you have, what kind of home you have, what kind of money you make, Are you married? Are you single? Are you divorced? Are you widowed? We can take every external circumstance that a human has had, and the research says that those things altogether still only account for about 10% of our long term happiness.
- [21:56]
A
Wow.
- [21:57]
B
And if you're like Kim Strobel, you let some people and some things still way more than 10% for far too long.
- [22:05]
A
Absolutely.
- [22:07]
B
Now, I want to make sure I say here that I'm not saying that, like, you know, if something bad happens, if my husband leaves me tomorrow, I can promise you that more than 10% of my happiness will be gone for a period of time, as it rightly should. I am not saying that if you're dealing with something difficult right now that it should only steal 10% of your happiness. I, I 100% am not saying that. What I am talking about is your long term happiness. So if, you know, whatever, two years from now, Kim Strobel is still living this victimhood life because Scott left her and it's stealing all of her happiness. That then is on me. And it's something that I'm somewhat choosing. And I feel like when we tell people that research, it plants seeds of hope. You know, I feel like the education system in itself could be put in that pie. And we would all agree that at times that sliver takes up way more than 10%, because this is one of the most overwhelming jobs. The amount of time that we have to do our jobs and do them well is inefficient compared to what is put on our plates. And what I tell people is where I get to see the gains is whenever I can get you to quit focusing on the system itself. Because here's the deal, John. I don't know that I can change the education system. I have a lot to say to the people in D.C. who make decisions about it. I actually have been invited recently to do a keynote up there. So we're going to see how brave I'm going to be. But I don't even want to focus on that because these are uncontrollable. And in our lives, when we realize that it's not the system or the circumstances to continue ruminating on, it's figuring out how you operate in the system and you are the only thing you have control over. And when we begin to look at it through that lens is when we get our power back. And so if we say 50% is genetic and 10% is our external circumstances, that leaves 40% of the pie, John. And what the research proves over and over again is that every human being can increase their happiness levels by up to 40%. And it has to do with these three things. The thoughts you're thinking, the actions you're taking, and the behaviors or the habits that are a part of your life. And for me, that's the piece that I focus on with schools or at conferences, because that's the part I can shift. And why do I want to shift it, John? Because when I teach John to get his brain to positive more than negative, neutral or stressed, John is going to show up at his job and be 31% more productive. John's going to be 10 times more engaged in his job. He's going to start seeing opportunities and solutions to problems that he couldn't see before because I've taught him how to shift his brain to positive more times than negative, neutral, or stressed.
- [25:21]
A
So tell me a little bit more about that. Because when you talk about happiness in terms of 10% is made up by these external factors. And if something catastrophic happens, it's not that that 10% is gone forever, but there's hope and optimism there. But, you know, I know some people that I love dearly that are inherent pessimists. So can a pessimist still achieve that 40 to 50% happiness? How does that, how does that work?
- [25:49]
B
Yeah, I, I know a lot of people that fall in that category too. And so they're in the 50 to 60% range, but the 40% is available for everyone. The 40% is available for everyone. And so, you know, like I always say, I have a super loving mother, but, John, her brain is wired towards negativity. She just can't help it. She'll, you know, she'll see me and she'll say, sweetheart, you really need to do something with that hair of yours. It's time to get it cut. Or I see that fever blister, car scar, you might want to get that lasered off. Or she'll come in my house and she'll notice seven things that she thinks need fixed in my house. And, you know, I, I God love her, but it's just that her brain scans its environment and those are the things that are always popping up. And she told me, John, I, I wrote a book that's focused on the 40%. Okay. It's called, it's called Teach Happy Small Steps to Big Joy. And I, I gave my mom a copy of it and she, this is one of the only books she's read. And she said, sweetheart, I read your book and it's so good. She said, now I probably won't do any of those things you tell me to do. And I'm like, and this is why you will continue to, you know, so, like, I love her dearly, but.
- [26:59]
A
Right.
- [27:00]
B
Her brain, as in pessimist, it's wired. And the more it picks up on that negativity, John, the more neurofeedback connections it creates. And the more neurofeedback connections it creates, the more negative thoughts you're going to have the next day. Because what we know is that human beings have about 70,000 negative thoughts a day.
- [27:23]
A
Wow.
- [27:24]
B
And if you're stressed, you're having upwards of 120,000. Okay. And if you're an average human being, we know that 80% of the thoughts you're having in a day's time are negative. That's if you're just an average human being, not even a pessimist.
- [27:41]
A
Right, right.
- [27:41]
B
Okay. The reason being, John, is we have this part of our brains called the amygdala that we had when we were cavemen and cave women. And the amygdala had one job and one job only, which was to scan the environment for negativity and for danger in order to protect us. Because if it wasn't scanning for the saber tooth tiger or the clan of people that was going to run in and slice our throats, then we were unsafe. And the issue is, it's 2025, John, and you and I still have an amygdala and its number one job is still to scan for danger.
- [28:16]
A
So is the pessimist's amygdala a little bit overdeveloped than me? Yeah, I think it could be.
- [28:21]
B
I think it's firing. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Yeah. And so what's interesting, John, is that means that when, if you're a normal human, not even a pessimist, you fall into average. When you put your head down on the pillow at night, you've literally had 56,000 negative thoughts.
- [28:40]
A
Wow.
- [28:41]
B
And I tell people, just take yourself back to when you woke up this morning, John, because literally some of us woke up and we went, I didn't get any sleep last night. And then we got up and we start walking to the bathroom and we're holding our back and we're thinking that our back hurts and then our knees hurt and then we're like, we got this. Thank God it's Friday. I can barely survive enough. Some of US have had 108 negative thoughts within the first 30 seconds of waking.
- [29:08]
A
Yeah, yeah. That's crazy.
- [29:10]
B
It's natural.
- [29:11]
A
Yeah. Unfortunately, I have to say I, you know, my audience is probably going to roll their eyes, but I am an inherent optimist. So I, you know, and it's interesting that you say that because I guess the self awareness is, is really key because when you say you have thousands and thousands of negative thoughts, like I, as you're talking to me about this, I'm kind of running through my day so far and I struggle to find these negative thoughts, but I'm sure I'm just, they're like split second things that I'm not really holding onto. But I guess I would assume that if you were more leaning towards pessimism that you hang on to, those things are a little bit more evident, right?
- [29:47]
B
Yes. And I love that you bring this up because 95% of how we operate in our life comes so. We have two minds, John. We have the prefrontal cortex thinking mind, which is the one that, as you know, evolutionary human beings is the one that can rationalize, make decisions, think. It's what allows you and I to talk right now. And it's how we operate in our day. But the subconscious mind is the kind of dark room of the brain, and that's where all this junk is happening at such a fast pace that we don't even pick up on it. So 95% of how we show up and operate in the world comes from our subconscious mind. And so I'll give you some thoughts that I guarantee you, you've had that you're probably not even aware of. It's the number for me, I find it's. It's the number of times we talk bad about our looks to ourselves, just like they're just there, they're popping and we don't even know it. Like, they're not even in awareness, right? Like, oh, my God, John, you need to lose some weight. Oh, John, look at that wrinkle on your forehead. Oh, John, you know, you need to be a better dad, John. You know, you just didn't handle your kids well this morning or whatever it is. Like, they just are so fast that we're not even aware of them. And what's crazy is that 80% or, sorry, 95% of the 80% of negative thoughts that a human has in a day's time are the exact thoughts you had the day before because they just run like little scripts in the back of our minds. And so I would love to teach you one happiness habit right now, John, that is actually going to change that in your favor.
- [31:21]
A
So breaking that inertia of having those same thoughts day after day. Okay, lay it on me. I want to hear it.
- [31:26]
B
Okay, so it is the simplest habit, and I don't feel like it's anything new. Oprah preached it to me for 15 years before I did it. But I'm going to tell you why it works, which is what I think is so powerful. So this is one of the top five researched based happiness habits that works on that 40%. And it's the simple practice of gratitude. And what we know is that when we can get you to write down three different things that you are thankful for every single day, somewhere between days 21 and 30, we create a new neural feedback loop in your brain, John. So our brain has thousands and thousands and thousands of roadways. And so like, if you're negative about your job, think about how many times a day you're going down that roadway of this job stinks. It's just too hard. That bubble, you know, we just thousands and thousands of negative thoughts. But when you create a gratitude practice and you write down just three things that you've noticed that you're grateful for, we begin to slowly but surely take a different pathway in our brain. And what happens, John, is that more good begins to pop on our radar than more bad. You know, like, I mean, have you ever noticed like what, you know, like you've heard of having a bad day, right? Like you wake up and something bad happens and then something else bad happens, and then something else bad happens and then something else bad happens. Some of that you're creating because that's you, you started on this negative spiral. You know, same thing with me. I get, I get stuck in those patterns sometimes. And so I tell people, this is literally the one of the number one things that you can do. It is a two minute daily practice. People underestimate its value and how it works. And I used to run a high end coaching program for, for females, the female entrepreneurs. And I developed and taught tons of content. And after the 90 days, it never fell. John, I would say, what is the one thing that has changed your life? And over and over again it would be this daily practice of gratitude. And I will tell you, I did it with my fourth grade students. We would start every class with 90 minutes of gratitude. We'd go around the room and all 27 students would say, I'm thankful, I'm thankful. And they would, you know, we had 27 gratitudes in 90 seconds. At the end of the day, they got their gratitude journals out. They wrote the date, they wrote the words, I am thankful because those three words are very powerful words. And then they jotted down three things they were thankful for. Because as a teacher, I didn't want my students to just be good readers, writers and mathematicians. I wanted to teach my students how to be good at life. And so this is a game changer. And I've actually given you a link to my gratitude prompt and tracker for anybody who is thinking, you know what, Kim, I think I'm going to try the, I'm going to try this gratitude practice. I'm going to start it before I even start my school day. You know, they can download it. It's got five prompts to help you start looking for gratitude in your life. I personally just use A notebook, but there's a tracker there that they can download as well. And I will tell you, John, over and over again, that is going to shift you from pessimism into more optimism. And when you make that shift again, that's when you start to pivot every other area of your life.
- [34:54]
A
Well, you're changing the way you approach everyday situations, right? I mean, you're essentially establishing a new habit of maybe you don't look at the world so negatively, you take a different approach. But with that, especially if you're part of that 50% genetic, that may be pessimistic, it's going to take a little bit of work to kind of rewire yourself because it's just so inherent in how you approach things. So with, with the three pieces of gratitude, is it, is it something different every day? Could it be the same things? Like, how do you approach that?
- [35:23]
B
Good question. I should have pointed that out. So while you're in the 21 to 30 day cycle where you're trying to lay the new pathway down in your brain, it is important that they are three different ones every day. And I also tell people, be specific. So don't just say, I'm thankful for my health. That's too generic. I want you to say, like, for me, I'm thankful for legs that allow me to run 40 miles a week. Or I'm thankful that last night I stopped at six cookies and didn't choose the seventh, which is a true story.
- [35:55]
A
You know, good for you, Kim. I'm proud of you. Thank you, thank you.
- [35:59]
B
Thank you, John. You know, don't just say, I'm thankful for my family. That's too generic. Say, I'm thankful that on Thursday nights we go out for pizza night, you know?
- [36:09]
A
Right.
- [36:09]
B
So I do say, make them different, make them specific. And I have to tell you a funny one, John. I am literally the gratitude girl. I wrote a whole chapter about it in my book. I teach it from the stage. My husband comes home the other day and we have this wonderful therapist in our life that we use on and off. Some years we seem three times, and some years we seem ten times. And he's more of like a spiritual mentor to both of us and he's helped us elevate our lives. So my husband comes home from his therapy session and he goes, you know, Charlie's really convinced me that I might start this gratitude practice. And I wanted to.
- [36:42]
A
Are you serious right now?
- [36:44]
B
I thought, are you kidding me? This is what your wife teaches from the stage. She wrote a whole chapter in the book and now all these years, because Charlie said it, you think you might adopt this practice? Well, thank you. I'm glad you're finally going to do it.
- [36:58]
A
Yeah. Well, at least he's. He's doing it right? I mean, it took an odd take to get there, but you're there.
- [37:03]
B
You can't be a prophet in your own house. Right. Just like a prophet in your own community.
- [37:08]
A
Right. Well, I'll make sure to link those two links you mentioned in the show notes. So for anyone listening, you'll be able to access those directly through the podcast. All right, so let's talk a little bit specifically on how happiness applies to school district administrators, maybe primarily school business officials. So can you talk to me about how the concepts, really, what we've talked about up through now, how do those apply to the unique challenges of school business and school business administrators and the office staff in general?
- [37:39]
B
Oh, gosh, yeah, for sure. Right. Because I mean, you think about the number of challenges and fires that have to be put out just before noon on a normal school day. And I think, you know, the other thing to reiterate, John, is that this is another kind of downloadable thing that we've been taught, which is basically you've just got to work until you get it all done. Right. And listen, as a school leader, I'll be the first to admit I felt like I had to check emails in the evenings. I did. I felt like, you know, I can't.
- [38:12]
A
Have that little red icon on my iPhone. Oh my gosh, it drives me crazy.
- [38:15]
B
Exactly. Exactly. But I want to teach this concept to. And I want to talk about it because I think that again, it shows that we have to rethink how we show up and do our jobs. So I'm sure you've heard of the minimum effective dosage. We've all heard that, you know, you can boil water at 212 degrees, or you can boil it at 276 degrees. And is the result that much bigger? Like if you throw some spaghetti noodles in a pot and you boil them at 276 versus 212, is there like some miracle? And out of the pot, the spaghetti noodles have somehow transferred into a chocolate cake with white icing. Right. There's not like some crazy change that happens. It's just that they're just loosey goosey and in fact, they're not even useful anymore.
- [39:05]
A
Right, right.
- [39:06]
B
Now listen, I am a school leader, so I hear the eye rolls. Oh, really, Kim? You're going to tell me to work Less. Well, yeah, you don't know my job. Well, I want you to stay with me because there have been some very validated studies, John, that say that when we work a 50 hour work week, for most humans that produces about 37 hours of useful work. Okay? Because we, we, we, we're not productive the whole time. We just simply aren't. Or we think we are, but our brains are at stress, which is causing us to not be able to think clearly and make good decisions and we get stuck in the muck and the emotions of it all. So 50 hours on normal produces about 37 hours of useful work for most people. When you push that needle to 55 hours and you say, you know what, I just got to work five more hours, I got to stay here just, you know, every night, I'm not getting out of this office until 6:00. I'm doing work at home. 50 hours of work produces 30 hours of useful work. So you just worked five extra hours and you lost seven.
- [40:10]
A
Wow.
- [40:12]
B
Now, you might not believe this, but if you're like me and you've studied productivity and you know what productivity and bottom lines look like, whether I'm working with hospital, you know, I recently just worked with the FBI. If you don't see those productivity levels and what's really happening, you're thinking, how can this be? Well, here's why. Because when we continue to plug away and give it our all and not be able to walk away, our brain is pinging at stressed or negative the whole time. And what does the research say when those pathways are lit up in the brain? Those. The research says you are not as productive, you are not as engaged. You know, it makes me think, John, when I was writing my book and I would be sitting at this computer and I would just, I was so. It was like having the worst homework, homework project ever, right? Like this deadline of this book. And I would just type away and type away and type away. And I would think, oh my God, I just have to keep going. I got to keep going at 7:00 at night, it doesn't matter, I got to keep going. Well, John, I would type away for a little bit and then I grab my phone and I'd be scrolling Instagram. And then I'd be like, Kim, get back to it. Right? And then I'd be typing away, typing away. And then I decided to do some online shopping because my brain was so at stress that I wasn't becoming productive. And so what I tell people is, look, yeah, I'm reasonable We have those times of the year where we just have to plug away. The bottom line is, is when that becomes the new normal, that becomes a problem. And you have to ask yourself, when you're saying yes all the time to what the school, what you say is being required of you. You need to ask yourself the very hard question, which is, what are you saying no to? Because I was working with Michigan school leaders this summer, and I applauded the high school principal who has four children, whose wife said to him, I have watched you for the last 10 years care and love your high school students so deeply, and I have watched you give everything you have to these kids. And while I respect that, I want you to know that five years from now or four years from now, those kids won't be in your lives, in your life, but the four kids you have at home, they're always going to be in your life, right? And he said the statement shook him to his core, to where he saw that he literally was not able to show up for his family, the people he loves the most, because he had become so entrenched in the expectations of his job. This means that we have to make some hard, uncomfortable decisions, John. It means we really do have to reevaluate what fuels us and what drains us. And it means that we have to start thinking about a different way of doing our job to see if, maybe, maybe, if I do learn how to do that, if there isn't a different person who's more productive showing up in more days than not.
- [43:18]
A
The statistic you gave about working more, the five more hours and decreased productivity is fascinating. But my question for you is, how do you strike that balance between working more and producing less, but working less and stressing about not getting things done? Because I would assume somebody who wants to put all the hours in to get more done, even though theoretically they're losing their productivity, if you tell them, well, just work less, they're probably going to be stressed about not working, because that's what they're used to. So how do you strike that balance?
- [43:48]
B
It's like with everything in our life. And so one of my big words is growth. Like, do you want to grow or do you. Do you want to stay on the same hamster wheel over and over again? Do you want to stay safe on your lily pad where you don't ever have to be uncomfortable? Because anxiety, it makes a person highly uncomfortable, you know, and. And I tell people this is a rewiring of our brain, and if you wait until it feels good, to do it, you will never, ever, ever do it. So if you want a different outcome, we have to produce different actions, which means that hard, heavy, difficult feelings come with that. It reminds me, John, of when I was a fourth grade teacher. We would get these butterfly kits in. I think it was every spring. And I can't remember if it's 14 days or 28 days. All I know is that the caterpillar spins a cocoon and for 21 days my students and I would watch this butterfly barely make any progress whatsoever coming out of that cocoon, right? And I, John, as a teacher, remember thinking if I just took this little safety pin and put a tiny little slit in the cocoon, I could help, just help that butterfly just a little bit. And then I read that if you help the butterfly at all, it will be born with deformed wings and it will die. Because the butterfly has to have the productive struggle in order to grow and become something different. This is what I tell my teachers, this is what I tell my school leaders. You have to apply this as your own research project. When you walk away, you're not going to feel good. Most of us in this profession are type A perfectionistic leaders, John. We just are. It's how we're wired. We're ambitious people and we pride ourselves on the hustle and the, you know, that's who we are. That's my self identity as well. But I tell people, you really have to figure out if you're willing to grow your skill set to maybe see if it doesn't open up other areas of your life. You have to start doing things differently if you're going to do a different result. So what I say is feel the, feel the feelings. Walk out of the office, feel sick about it, feel anxious about it, worry about it until the next day, and then do it again and again and again and again until eventually that becomes your new normal and you've rewired your brain and it takes time and it's an emotional struggle. A few years ago, I've run. I've run seven days a week, John, for 25 years. And I don't miss a day. When I'm saying I don't miss a day. I do not miss a day. Maybe one day a year, but I noticed as I was approaching 50 that my body was shifting. And no matter what I did, no matter how much I ran, I wasn't shifting my body. And so I spoke in New York and a nutrition coach, was there, a health coach, fitness coach, and I hired her for Two months. And you know what she did, John? She took three of my runs away. Three of my runs away. And she said, you're not running every day. It's pinging your cortisol levels. I want you to replace them with whole body strength workouts. And I'm going to tell you, John, that for two and a half months I cried. My husband begged me just to go back to running because he didn't like this version of me. And I thought, I am not going to do it because I have asked to change how I operate in this world and how I my body looks. And it took two and a half months in the rewiring finally took place where now, John, it is nothing for me. I know I run four days a week and I do body lifting three days a week. It's the new normal. I like it, but I fought it every step of the way. This is what I challenge people. If you say, I desire Kim to get the other parts of my life back as a school leader, I don't want to go home completely stressed and exhausted to the people who matter the most to me. And I don't know how to change it. What I'm going to tell you to do is start by focusing a little bit more in this pocket of happiness, this pocket of prioritizing your well being. And you tell me three, six months down the road that it hasn't made a remarkable difference in your life. Like you use yourself as the own, your own research project. And if you want to know all the other habits that work on the 40%, John, I've talked about them in every chapter of Teach Happy. But I'm telling you that when we begin to grow ourselves, to make ourselves uncomfortable, that's when we start to gain personal, personal mastery of our life.
- [48:24]
A
And I'm sure once you start seeing results similar to your analogy of going from running seven days to running four days and seeing those results is motivating, right? So when you come home less stressed and you're more engaged with your children and your family, I'd have to imagine that's a motivator in itself, right?
- [48:41]
B
It is. It really is. And look, I'm not perfect at this either, John. I can preach this all day long. And there are weeks that Kim struggles pulling. I'm not going to lie, there's weeks when I'm pulling 60 and 70 hour work weeks, there are. But what I have to do is reign myself back in and say, hey, Kim Strobel, 30 years from now, when you're on your deathbed and you're looking back, which part are you going to regret? Are you going to regret that you didn't take the time to live the experiences that you wanted to live with your family? Or are you going to be just so proud that you completely defeated and exhausted yourself in a job that stole way too much from you?
- [49:17]
A
So school business officials are very much involved in the technical aspects of running a school district. It's budget, it's capital improvement projects. It's just a lot of that heady stuff. But most, more than not, are in charge of staff and people that work for them. Can you share some practical strategies that school business officials can use to maybe cultivate a culture of happiness and positivity and productivity? Hopefully?
- [49:43]
B
Oh, my gosh, yes, for sure. And I keep looking at the clock, John, I could talk to you for another hour. And I know we have.
- [49:49]
A
I know we're running up on time.
- [49:51]
B
So what I would tell them is if you go to stroubleducation.com, which is my website, and there's a tab at the top that said, I mean, we do this work in schools. I go and train teachers, and, you know, we work on school cultures and creating this positive environment. But I would tell you to go to the tab that says Teach Happy. That's going to show you my book. But what is what I think is helpful? There's a lot of schools, I think the books are 24 bucks on Amazon, but if you order 10 or more to one location, they're $15 a piece. So we have a lot of school districts who are doing a Teach Happy movement. And on that page, there's a downloadable admin study guide that walks teachers chapter by chapter through the book. And what I say is, create a Teach Happy initiative and let this be the focus of some of your PLCs, your faculty meetings, like, take it a month at a time. You know, maybe one month, it's going to be on chapter four. On month two, it's going to be about radical wellness. On month three, it's going to be about creating boundaries in your life and, like, make this an embedded part of your conversations in this school. Teachers and the people who work in the schools, they're hungry for this relief. Everybody wants to know how to feel good in their job again. They just don't know how to do it. And that's what I tell people is that's what we teach you. We teach you exactly how to do it.
- [51:16]
A
Well, Kim, it's been such a pleasure speaking with you today, and I truly appreciate you imparting all of your wisdom on the signs of happiness and what school business officials and district administrators alike can do to really change not only themselves, but hopefully the culture in which they work. So thank you again so much for your time today, and it was just great speaking with you.
- [51:35]
B
Oh, thank you, John. I appreciate you as well. Best of luck.
- [51:40]
A
Thank you for tuning in to School Business Insider. Make sure to check back each week for your favorite topics on school business.