Anxiety With No Trigger, Body Image Shame & “Higher Self” | #115

Summary

Secondhand Therapy – Episode #115

Anxiety With No Trigger, Body Image Shame & “Higher Self”

Released: January 26, 2026

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Overview

In this candid, laughter-filled episode, hosts Louie Paoletti and Michael Malone navigate the nuances of anxiety without a clear trigger, grapple with body image issues and food shame, and discuss the concept of the “higher self” when it comes to personal change and growth. As always, the duo blend genuine vulnerability with offbeat humor, providing listeners with a raw yet relatable look at modern mental health challenges, all through the lens of their real-life therapy journeys.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Anxiety Without an Obvious Cause

Timestamp: 09:15 – 17:32

• Louie opens up right away about experiencing “a lot of anxiety” for no apparent reason, even as the episode begins.
  • “I am having a lot of anxiety and I don’t know why, but just as a heads up.” — Louie (02:38)
• The sensation is physiological—chest tingles, a tight feeling, a sense of panic—but without a specific worry or event attached.
• Michael is surprised; his own anxiety usually has a clear trigger or focus.
  • “My anxiety is always linked to some kind of source.” — Michael (09:54)
• Louie links the increased frequency of these episodes to recent lifestyle changes:
  • Stopped going to the gym due to injury.
  • Spending more time scrolling on his phone as a distraction.
• Louie emphasizes his ongoing process: accepting anxiety’s presence rather than fearing or fighting it.
  • “I’m trying to just get to a point of just understanding, like, okay, it’s here right now. It’s okay. It’s a part of my experience.” — Louie (13:12)
• The hosts compare strategies: Louie prefers acceptance and self-reminders of safety. Michael finds it grounding to speak his feelings aloud for external validation—either to himself or others.

2. Relationship Support & Expression

Timestamp: 14:25 – 17:32

• Louie’s relationship gives him someone to inform about anxiety spikes, but he’s ambivalent about whether this helps—it's neither codependent nor necessarily soothing.
• Michael identifies as someone who needs to vocalize his emotions and have them acknowledged to feel real:
  • “I need permission to feel.” — Michael (17:05)
• Playful banter about the different internal needs for reassurance, and how sharing vulnerability can either soothe or embarrass, depending on personality.

3. Coping Tips: Annoyance vs. Acceptance

Timestamp: 19:40 – 22:18

• The duo joke about “helpful” anxiety tips—like ice packs or lemon biting—often feeling trivial or frustrating during serious anxiety attacks.
  • “I was like, I can’t breathe, dude. Let me go get an ice pack. ... I’m trying not to put a gun in my mouth.” — Louie (20:42)
• Michael is more willing to try odd suggestions:
  • “You said put an ice pack on my neck? You got it. I’ll eat a whole lemon right now. Whatever makes this go away.” — Michael (21:48)
• Both agree that “self-help” hacks don’t universally work, and what’s comforting for one can annoy the other.

4. The Pandemic, Routine, and Nostalgia

Timestamp: 23:02 – 24:04

• Brief, tongue-in-cheek reflection on missing elements of pandemic life, like isolation, shifting routines, and less social pressure.
  • “The pandemic was pretty great... I miss it.” — Louie (23:29)
• Acknowledgement that the loss and hardship were real, but some aspects of enforced downtime worked well for introverts.

5. Food, Body Image, and Therapy Work

Timestamp: 29:10 – 41:32

• Louie discusses feeling skeptical about addressing food and eating issues in regular therapy, suggesting real change would require a rehab-style, intensive approach.
• The duo discuss “parts work” in therapy—exploring different internal voices related to food and self-image.
  • “I have one part that thinks this is a waste of time. If I’m not getting checked in and waterboarded and being told, don’t eat Oreos, or whatever, we’re not getting anywhere.” — Louie (30:56)
• For Louie, strict diets with clear rules (like keto) are easier than moderation, which feels too flexible and slippery.
• Both reflect on how negative body image and weight fluctuations impact their moods, social lives, and sense of worth:
  • “Oh, dude, it stops me from leaving the house sometimes.” — Michael (36:26)
  • “There’s so much shame with it.” — Louie (36:17)
• Michael describes fluctuating between feeling “sizable” and “just a fat piece of s***,” depending mainly on physical activity and self-talk.
• Admission that disordered eating behaviors—skipping meals, cycling between indulgence and restriction—are persistent and hard to shake.
  • “I can eat whatever I want for lunch, and then I’ll have a protein bar for dinner. And that’s—Yeah, that’s life. The most eating disorder.” — Michael (39:53)

6. Self-Acceptance vs. Change

Timestamp: 41:37 – 45:03

• Louie and Michael debate the tension between accepting one’s body/weight and wanting to change.
• Michael decides to buy larger pants rather than keep “aspirational” jeans, recognizing long-term change is unlikely to be quick.
  • “The acceptance came and I was just like, I’m getting rid of all these jeans and pants and I’m getting 34s. ...That’s where I’m at, man.” — Michael (44:51)
• Both point out that aging brings new challenges: old weight-loss tricks stop working, and the body changes.

7. The “Higher Self” Concept for Motivation

Timestamp: 45:03 – 56:54

• Michael shares how envisioning a “higher self”—the version of himself he wants to become—helps break out of ruts or negative patterns.
  • “What is higher self doing? Is higher self sleeping until 8 or 9 o’clock?” — Michael (46:10)
• Higher self is defined as the near-ideal version of oneself, more motivated, productive, in better routines.
  • “Higher self is showing up for himself.” — Michael (51:51)
• Louie challenges whether this “higher self” is chasing satisfaction or just productivity/image—raising the point that goals can keep moving, leading to perpetual dissatisfaction.
  • “Higher self is sure worried about productivity and image.” — Louie (51:56)
  • “Does higher self accept failure?” — Louie (56:39)
• Michael asserts it’s about fewer excuses and more consistent action, not just image, and admits he struggles to show up for himself.
• The hosts compare approaches to therapy: Michael sees it as a lifelong tool; Louie prefers “as needed,” not wanting to recap every week if there’s no urgent issue.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Louie on the oddness of triggerless anxiety:
  “I have no clue why. I just feel so anxious. Just as a heads up.” (02:44)
• Michael on needing external validation:
  “I need permission to feel.” (17:05)
• Louie resisting unsolicited anxiety advice:
  “I’m trying not to put a gun in my mouth. That’s all I want to do.” (20:42)
• On pandemic nostalgia:
  “The pandemic was pretty great, dude. I miss it.” (23:29)
• Michael on body shame disrupting life:
  “It stops me from leaving the house sometimes.” (36:26)
• Louie on strict dieting vs. moderation:
  “Keto is great for me... moderation for me right now is like, okay, we’re going to go get a donut, I’m going to get one donut. ... Well, hey, bro, I’ll do that every day.” (33:03)
• On “Higher Self” motivation:
  “Higher self is up, and doing, and getting shit done.” (47:32)
• Louie calling out shifting standards:
  “Is higher self ever satisfied?” (55:36)
• Michael, humorously explaining his philosophy:
  “I blame my autism. Did you like that?” (53:54)
• On lifelong therapy:
  “Are you not, like, lifelong therapy? You trying to get out?” (57:06)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Anxiety With No Trigger: 09:15 – 17:32
• Relationship Support & Expression: 14:25 – 17:32
• Coping Tips – Annoyance vs. Acceptance: 19:40 – 22:18
• Pandemic Routine & Nostalgia: 23:02 – 24:04
• Food, Body Image Shame & Therapy: 29:10 – 41:32
• Self-Acceptance vs. Change: 41:37 – 45:03
• “Higher Self” & Aspirations: 45:03 – 56:54

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Tone & Language

The conversation throughout is open, self-deprecating, and humor-laden, peppered with affectionate profanity, teasing, and a sense of camaraderie. Louie and Michael blend clinical insights with everyday struggles, making serious topics feel approachable while never dismissing their real emotional weight.

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For New Listeners

This episode serves as a quintessential snapshot of Secondhand Therapy’s voice—frank, funny, vulnerable, and refreshingly real about mental health’s messiness. Whether you relate more to Louie’s skeptical acceptance or Michael’s “higher self” aspirations, you’ll likely find a piece of your own experience echoed—and maybe even laugh about it for a while.

Transcript

[A]

Secondhand Therapy is presented by Pony Bear Studios. For ad free episodes, head on over to patreon.com secondhand therapypod for the best.

[B]

Coffee in Las Vegas, visit Grouchy John's. Two locations, one in Green Valley, one in Centennial Hills. This episode of Secondhand Therapy is sponsored by BetterHelp. Yes, BetterHelp is an online resource for therapy.

[A]

Yeah. And I don't know who would have guessed it.

[B]

Who would have guessed it? I don't know if you know about the show, but we're actually very pro therapy around here. Very pro therapy.

[A]

That is the rumor that's going around.

[B]

It's helped me a lot.

[A]

Tell me more.

[B]

It really has. You don't notice a change in me, Is that what you're saying?

[A]

I do.

[B]

Okay, then. Has it helped you?

[A]

Absolutely. I'm in Better Help right now and my therapist is awesome.

[B]

Your therapist sounds pretty great. I'm not gonna lie.

[A]

He did. I'm so happy with him. And like, whenever we have to reschedule or something changes, it's so easy. It's like, literally, like clicks and it's done. I have to call mine Boo.

[B]

It's terrible. But here's what I will say. I was always very much an in person therapy kind of set up for myself. Yeah, I'm on telehealth now.

[A]

Way better. Oh, yeah, dude.

[B]

Doing therapy like from your couch or like where you're in your space where you're comfortable? Oh, dude, I'm. I'm doing way better.

[A]

That's one of the best parts of Better Help is that I get to do it from my cozy little corner chair.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dim the lights. I light a candle. It is therapy time. Yeah.

[B]

I don't ever want to go back to a therapy office again. So that's where we're at now. Since they are a new sponsor of ours, they were nice enough to give us a little discount code for you to use. So a little treat.

[A]

Yeah, if.

[B]

If you're hearing this, maybe you're in between insurance and you would like to start some therapy. Or maybe you've never been to therapy and you really want to try it out. Better Help's a really good start. They make it easy to find and pair up with somebody, and it's very affordable. So if you want to give it a shot, you can use the discount code they gave us. You can go to betterhelp.com secondhand therapy or just betterhelp.com and it'll ask you where you heard about it. Choose Secondhand therapy. They'll give you 10% off your first month. Try it out. Start your healing journey. Change my life. To change your life.

[A]

I'm changed.

[B]

He's changing. Changing. I'm gonna tell you one thing before we start.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I am having a lot of anxiety and I don't know why, but just as a heads up.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

About recording.

[B]

I have no clue why. I just feel so anxious. Just as a heads up.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If I need a break, I'm going to let you know.

[A]

Okay. Interesting.

[B]

I. Yeah, it's great.

[A]

All right. Welcome back to secondhand Therapy. We want to remind you that we are not therapist. We're not experts. This is not a substitute for therapy, and this is not professional advice in any way.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

It's very true.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

We're just two dummies.

[B]

If you're on YouTube, I'm not wearing headphones because one of my earrings is a little infected. My piercings are kind of new. Nobody's mentioned in the comments how handsome I am. I always have headphones on. That's probably why. That makes sense. It makes sense. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I thought that's what you were going to say. But if you were on Patreon, you had heard a very funny story about his family and Christmas and the earrings, but you're not on Patreon. Yeah, I thought you were going to say that you went home and nobody noticed. Not at first. That's. That's more of a family thing where you're like, I did this thing and nobody says, I didn't say anything.

[B]

My mom didn't notice, I think, until the second day.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then my grandma lit me up.

[A]

Hey, you can find that story on Patreon.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

While you're over there, you can have access to ad free. Yeah. Ad free ads. You're not gonna hear ads during the ads because that's what we're doing now. We're putting ads inside the ads. We're. We're changing the game.

[B]

Patreon.com Secondhand Therapy Podcast. If you sign up for the first tier, you're gonna get ad free episodes and early episodes. And then we're gonna send you the greatest sticker of all time. If you sign up for the second tier, you're gonna get ad free episodes, early episodes. You're gonna get access to the other show, our much superior other podcast.

[A]

Way better.

[B]

You're gonna get access to. After the pod, you're gonna get access to some bonus ASMRS stuff like that. And we're Gonna send you the greatest sticker of all time and a signed print.

[A]

I would argue too that sometimes the show, like last week, it was more of a secondhand episode. Sometimes you get.

[B]

But wait, there's more. Did I sound like the guy from Scream? Dishmore. There's a third tier.

[A]

Is that what you were going for?

[B]

Yeah. You remember Matthew Lillard when he did that?

[A]

I remember that. Hold on, pause. Did you see the video of Matthew Lillard? We know the guy from Scream.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Running out of his house in his underwear after. After somebody who tried to break into his house. No, this just happened like a week ago. And there's. From his security camera, there's some guy. You see a guy running out in the middle of the night, and then Matthew Lillard just in his underwear, booking it in the middle of the snow, barefoot and in his underwear, being like, I'm. I'm catching up. I'm catching up to you. I'm getting closer. And he just runs off camera chasing this guy down and tried to break into his house. I don't know.

[B]

Snow.

[A]

Snow.

[B]

Dude, that sounds made up. I'm like, he was making content. But wait, there's a third tier where you get access to all the. I mentioned. And also you get to hang out with us on live stream. And then that tier, you get the greatest sticker of all time. Sign print and a T shirt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we're giving freebies. Please join Patreon. It's a good way to support the podcast. You can hear some more Internet things that he falls for. He told me there was a fat free, sugar free, gluten free donut shop over there. Obviously that was a bit.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The guy made a tick tock and was like, oh, look how funny this is. And you said, can you believe. How do they do that?

[A]

How do they do it? Yeah.

[B]

So Matthew Lillard, burglar hunting in the snow. Of course it's real.

[A]

Can't you just enjoy life a little bit? Yeah. Anyways, merch available. We have merch. There's hoodies. Oh, we got new merch. Should we tell them about the new merch?

[B]

You can tell them we got a.

[A]

Couple new things up there in the store. We have what? You said I could tell them.

[B]

You can.

[A]

I just, you know. Okay, okay, there's.

[B]

Just keep it cool, man. Don't be. Report. Don't be.

[A]

All right, listen, there's a couple new things you need. You need to go check them out.

[B]

Go check them out.

[A]

You need to attack them and just be cool. Just be cool. About it.

[B]

Just be cool.

[A]

Also, you can contact us.

[B]

Don't. Yeah, there's a. There's a.

[A]

You can physically contact us. There's a P.O. box. You can send us mail or gifts or Polaroids of your donkeys.

[B]

Donkeys. Cows. Goats.

[A]

Goats.

[B]

I do stand by my previous statement in last week's episode. If you send us a Polaroid of anything, it has to be a Polaroid I think I get with, like, an actual printed photo. Yeah, that's fine. But a physical photograph of some. I don't even care what it is. Something cool. Yeah, I'm gonna send you a Polaroid back. I don't know what that Polaroid is going to be of.

[A]

We don't know. Mystery Polaroid.

[B]

It could be of my truck in front of a diner because I took some of those last weekend. It could be of a cactus.

[A]

It's a good diner.

[B]

It could be my dog.

[A]

You can also send us digital mail, which includes little voice notes and. Or text messages. And sometimes we share them on the pod and we talk about them.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I'm having so much anxiety. Yeah, keep going. This is the show. All right, well, we're gonna wrap this panic attack tonight.

[A]

Check us out on Patreon. They also. Maybe they didn't hear that part. I don't know. A lot of anxiety happening. We don't know why. We love you. Let's get into the episode. Hopefully we make it all the way. Yeah, Fingers crossed.

[B]

Hopefully.

[A]

See you on Patreon.

[B]

Hopefully. It's just diarrhea or something. You know? What?

[A]

Is that a thing where you're like, I'm either having a panic attack or diarrhea?

[B]

Not yet. Okay.

[A]

Love you. Enjoy the show.

[B]

Yeah. Hello, my little bear cubs. And welcome back.

[A]

Secondhand therapy.

[B]

And we know that. I don't know why I have so much anxiety.

[A]

Yeah. When did it. When did it happen? When you came up here?

[B]

No, A little bit before when I was downstairs, I got a lot of chest tinglies happening.

[A]

Really? And it is a. It's performance.

[B]

I have no idea what it's from.

[A]

How do you. And this is a. Honest. I'm not trying to be shitty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How do you not know where it's coming from or where it's stemming from?

[B]

Because I'm not anxious about anything. I just have a lot of anxiety in my body. I have no dread toward an event.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

There's nothing to that because my anxiety is always linked to some kind of source.

[B]

Must be nice. Dude, he's bragging.

[A]

I'm just saying, like, that's what I'm trying to wrap my head around.

[B]

Complex ptsd, sir.

[A]

I'm aware.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I'm trying to. I'm asking questions about it. Yeah. I'm trying to.

[B]

I know. I'm not actually upset.

[A]

How often does this happen?

[B]

And recently it's been happening more.

[A]

Are you saying by this I mean un untriggered or unattached? Just anxiety.

[B]

Anxiety in my body. Yeah. It's been happening a lot more lately.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

And I've been trying to, like, note things that have been different and one haven't been going to the gym.

[A]

I was just gonna. I was just gonna bring that up. A physical activity.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been trying to take time off the gym because my. Up my shoulder, I up my groin and like, I was just working out through it and like, it got to the point where I was like waking up in the middle of night because my shoulder was hurting so bad. And I was like, okay, let's just rest this thing. So I haven't been going to the gym.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I have noticed myself when I. When I do work on our socials, I notice myself after the work scrolling. So I've been on my phone a lot more just as a bad habit without a purpose. Those are the two main things that I can't say are attributing to it, but differences that I've noticed where I've. Yeah, I'll just be chilling and my chest is just like tingling and tight and like, I'm like, I have a panic attack right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, there's nothing happening.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was chilling downstairs. I was putting around some golf balls. I was working on my computer and I came up here. Nothing. No dread, no scare, nothing. Just in my body, man.

[A]

So I guess the natural question is like, well, how. What happens next? Then? Like, how do you get rid of it? Is there a remedy? Like what. What is the next thing? Well.

[B]

I'm sure there are a lot of proactive things I could do.

[A]

Is podcasting one, it's podcasting about your feelings, one of them.

[B]

I don't know that it is. Yeah, I'm sure I could, you know, do some 4, 7, 8 breathing or do some deep breathing exercises or try meditating or. Yeah, there's a lot of things I could do to fight it, but I don't know, I'm. I've spent years, and I've talked about this a lot, trying to like.

[A]

Not.

[B]

Be afraid of my anxiety.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I am feeling a lot of anxiety. So I'm trying to get to a point of, like, Just understanding, like, okay, it's here right now. Like, it's okay. It's a part of my experience. It's a part of my mental health. It is. It's part of my life. Sorry. I'm gonna keep taking deep breaths as I get, like, roller coaster flares. Yeah. So I just try to accept it and not really fight it and just accept that it's here and that everything's okay, that what I'm feeling isn't because I'm in an actual fight or flight thing or anything like that. So, yeah, just try to notice it, acknowledge it, and just, you know, remind myself that, all right, anxiety's here. It's gonna be okay. Take some deep breaths if I need to. But, you know.

[A]

You and I, when you first started having this, used to have these phone calls before you got on medication for it, and it was really bad then.

[B]

Yeah, I couldn't drive a car.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you got a medication, and it seemed to calm down quite a bit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But you were handling all that, even with the medication and stuff, helping, like, you were doing all of that alone. Is it better now when you have these flare ups, now that you have somebody in your life that you're in a relationship with? Like, is that.

[B]

It's an interesting question. I've never thought about it like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because when it happens, if, like, you know, if we're doing a thing together, like, I'll tell her, like, hey, I'm having a lot of anxiety. And she'll usually just be like, okay, do you need anything? And I have no clue what I need. So I usually say no.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But whether that's helpful or not, I don't know. That's something for me to think about.

[A]

Yeah. And maybe not even on a. For lack of a better term, on a codependent level of, like, oh, I'm glad somebody's here.

[B]

Yeah. Just, like, support.

[A]

Yeah. Just. Well, even acknowledgment, you're able to say that out loud to somebody else in the room that way, I would imagine it feels like, you know, it's overwhelming and, like, all these things. And even if you tell yourself, like, hey, anxiety's here and we're gonna be okay, that's different than out loud being able to acknowledge it to somebody else and to that. That feels more like real acknowledgment.

[B]

No, I didn't feel like that for me.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I don't I mean, maybe. Maybe I should try to be more aware of, like, what I feel in the moments when I share it with my partner. But yeah, you and I are so different in that, in that respect. Like, you. You so often, like, need to be told, like, yes, your feelings are real. I hear. I understand that you're feeling like, I don't ever need that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm. Interesting.

[B]

Crazy to you.

[A]

Revealing how so? Yeah, it just goes into the permission thing with me. Like, of course, you're right. Yeah, of course that makes sense. Like, yeah, yeah, I need permission to feel. And even if it is like, hey, I'm really anxious right now, it's like, even if I am experiencing it, it is real. I'm like, what is it? But out loud, acknowledging saying it to.

[B]

Somebody else then means what makes it real. What if you say it out loud to nobody?

[A]

Still helpful, but not as helpful. That's why I'm sure you've caught me doing this. I try to keep it. Not trying to keep it cool, but.

[B]

Least cool person on earth. But yeah, yeah.

[A]

Hey, man, I keep it chilly dog.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I talk to myself all the time.

[B]

I do too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But not about my feelings.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's. I'm extra yapping about my feelings.

[B]

Like, what. What is that? Like, give me an example what that sounds like.

[A]

Like, if I am. If I'm overwhelmed or something's happening, then it's like, then out loud I'll say to myself, like, it's okay. Hey, you're okay. Here's what's happening. And I'll do like a play by play.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, this is. This. This is happening right now. And this is okay. This is what's going on. We're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. And it's like almost like a. Like a coaching or talking my way through it.

[B]

Can you do that with somebody else? Is it helpful?

[A]

No. That's embarrassing. I can only acknowledge I could. I could get as far as being like, hey, I'm feeling really anxious right now. And they be like, what's going on? I'd be like, I feel anxious about this. And they'd be like, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, and then I don't want to. It's almost like a shut the up after that. Like, I was vulnerable enough to share that I'm anxious and this is what's going on my head. I don't need anything else. I just. If we talk about it now, I'm embarrassed about it. Hey, you're Going to be okay. I know. It's a weird, like, give me that. I don't need it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You struggle with that because that has to deal with vulnerability. So you bringing up.

[B]

No, I mean, I'll tell. I have no problem being like, I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety, but what.

[A]

If they tried to help?

[B]

It's just annoying.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I remember, dude, one time back in the day when I was real up with anxiety. The way we were talking about that time. One time, you and I were talking on the phone, and you go, yeah, sometimes when I get a little anxious, I just put, like, an ice pack on my neck. Yeah, that hurts. And I was like, I can't breathe, dude. Yeah, let me. Let me go get an iceberg. You're like, yeah, you bite a lemon. Hey, man, I'm gonna throw up. Yeah, let me get an ice pack. Get the out of here.

[A]

Ice pack will reset your nervous system.

[B]

Tight. I'm tight.

[A]

It helps me. It helps a lot of people because I found out about it. Yeah.

[B]

At that time, we're having different anxiety experiences.

[A]

Absolutely. And I.

[B]

When people offer up like, oh, you just shut the up. Yeah, I'm good.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Put an ice pack on your neck. I was like, buddy, I'm. I'm trying not to put a gun in my mouth. That's all I want to do.

[A]

You understand? Yeah.

[B]

Quite a lemon. Goodbye. And that's the phone call. The phone was over. So, yeah, I relate to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. If I ask for help, give me an ice pack. You know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But if I don't ask for help, just don't help me. You want the help no matter what, even if you don't ask, if it's.

[A]

Not about your feelings, I'll hear somebody out. And I'm crazy enough. I'll do the ice pack.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I did the ice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I am that crazy where it's like, all right, maybe they know some. I don't know. Yeah. And because at that point, I am searching for anything. This has got to stop. I gotta. I gotta figure this out. You said put an ice pack on my neck. You got it. You might have. You want me. True. I'll eat a whole lemon right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Whatever makes this go away.

[B]

You got to eat cream cheese. You got to eat Greek yogurt and cream cheese, and it'll stop immediately. You doing it.

[A]

That's different.

[B]

That's what you got to do, bro.

[A]

What if I told you, just have a couple bites of rat poison, not enough to kill you just a couple pies of rat poison, Take a double.

[B]

Dose, then I'll take your word for it.

[A]

But yeah, something like an ice pack on the neck. Oh, I'm trying that for sure.

[B]

Not.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Is. Yeah, that's not for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, but I even like, not in a. For lack of a better term, a moment of crisis. Yeah, but I don't even want tick tock tips, you know?

[A]

Well, this is pre tick tock. Let's just be clear.

[B]

This was during the pandemic. This was peak tick tock, my guy.

[A]

Yeah, I was kind of anti tick tock for most of the pandemic. And then towards the end, I gave in and I was like, that's.

[B]

I know you couldn't believe it, buddy. Yeah.

[A]

What do you.

[B]

What do you do with your time? That was the best routine I've ever had.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Walking, gym, writing. I wrote two films.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I kind of missed the pandemic. I mean, buddy, is this. I don't know if this is a hot take. The pandemic was pretty great, dude. I with it, man. We're chilling at home, bro. Everybody's wearing a mask and staying away.

[A]

Yeah. Like nobody's talking to each other.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I like the people pandemic. Yeah, I miss it.

[A]

That's for you.

[B]

All the death. That was a bummer. That was a bummer.

[A]

You know, there's only really one down.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, the. The price of groceries. My God. I mean, geez, Couldn't find flour, but yeah, bring the pandemic back, you know, I liked it.

[A]

Not for me.

[B]

I liked it.

[A]

So stir cross crazy.

[B]

What's going on with you?

[A]

No, no. More, more, more. You.

[B]

Okay, Ask away, my guy.

[A]

What you do in therapy this week?

[B]

Oh, what did I do in therapy this week? Well, my. In my last session, I was like, hey, you know, let me start somewhere else. Ah, it. I'll just finish the sentence, you know. Are you taking maka yet?

[A]

I. I am, and it's pretty cool. Yeah, I'm only on day three.

[B]

Yeah. Which one are you taking? You on the black. Yeah, I do the black too. I do the black and I do the tri blend.

[A]

Oh, you do two.

[B]

I do two. Okay, Technically three, because the blend is a blend of three. Okay, well, so if you don't know about maca, it is a root native to Peru. It grows in three colors. Black, red, and yellow.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Or yellow. Or yellow. Yellow or yellow. I take the black and I take the tri blend. My girl takes the red. And you take the black.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Typically, yeah. Men take the black, women take the red and then you intersperse the tribalnd. But it has a lot of benefits. I've been taking it daily for a little over a year. I have noticed a lot mood, skin, hair, energy, if you heard testosterone, you know, libido.

[A]

I've had a lot of improvements. Yeah, all true.

[B]

And we get, well, I get our. I get my maca. And I have been from a company called the Maca team. They are the biggest supplier of genuine maca from Peru. The biggest supplier in America. And they are nice enough to partner with. Partner with us and give a discount code. If you want to try out maca you can go to the macateam.com secondhand therapy and you can use code bear cub for 10 off.

[A]

Oh fancy.

[B]

So yeah, if you want to try some maca, try it out dudes. Try the black, ladies, try the red or try the try but at least go to the website, read about it, see if you might want to do it. It's not pharmaceutical, it's all natural. I've been taking it for over a year. I like it. You're three days in, you're less annoying. So we did it.

[A]

We did it.

[B]

Themaka team.com secondhand therapy check it out.

[A]

Hey, if you're tired of hearing these ads, which I'm sure you are, you should head on over to Patreon. There are ad free episodes and early access to two episodes. You could be hearing this a week early along with accident along with access to an entirely different podcast. Some would say a better one called the other shit show.

[B]

It is fun.

[A]

It's non therapy related.

[B]

It is fun.

[A]

Super fun. Plus you have early access to my new podcast series Happy not funny. And it's ad free episodes on that as well. Plus merch discounts. Also fun live show things where we interact with the audience.

[B]

Live streams is what he's trying to say.

[A]

We are not going on tour. Yeah, that's true. What did I say?

[B]

You said live shows.

[A]

Well, same same. You know, it's like a live show. Nope, it's like a zoom.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Anyways, you'll have access to us in a more intimate manner.

[B]

Intimate.

[A]

How about that?

[B]

Intimate. There's no end.

[A]

Yeah, like the candidate. Like the candies.

[B]

Intimate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also if you sign up, you get a little treat.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

So check out the different tiers. One of the tiers is just if you're just here for secondhand therapy, you want no ads, we'll send you a Dope little sticker. And I'm gonna be honest with you, a lot of time went into designing this sticker.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Too much. You can argue. Too much dope sticker, though. So if you sign up for that tier, we'll send you a sticker. The next tier, if you want the other podcast, if you want bonus stuff from secondhand therapy, all the little extras, you get the sticker, and we are going to send you a signed print designed by yours truly. That took way too much time. Still, way too much time. We'll sign it, we'll send it out to you, and then we have the top tier with the live streams. If you want to hang out with us a couple times a month, you get the sticker, the print, and we'll send you a T shirt that we are not selling or getting anywhere else. So check out Patreon. If you sign up, you get some treats, and it's a good way to support the podcast.

[A]

We'll see you over there. Thanks.

[B]

I was like, we got to start talking about my relationship to food. Like, we gotta. But here's the thing. I think it's a waste of time.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I just. In my head, there's nothing really to be done in, like, regular therapy. Like, if I'm not doing, like, an inpatient. Is it food rehab or something? I don't know what they call it.

[A]

I was gonna say, is there, like a. Oh, yeah. Everything. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. People with eating disorders, they go there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, if I'm not doing that, like, I just don't think there's a point. We're not gonna. It's not going to do anything, but I don't know.

[A]

I hope I'm wrong.

[B]

We'll see.

[A]

You know, like, parts work would help with that.

[B]

I do not. But we did a lot of parts work this week, I'll tell you that.

[A]

What were you. What were you parting out?

[B]

Oh, you know, just the parts of me and how they feel. Feel and what they think about food and my view of myself, my relationship to food, my relationship to my body and my appearance. Yeah. Scratching the surface on what these parts think. And one of them. I have one part that thinks this is a waste of time. If I'm not getting checked in and waterboarded and being told, don't eat Oreos or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're not getting anywhere. And then I have another part that's like, what the. Do you have to lose?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I have another part that's like, dude, why are you even talking about this, like, you're not going around in a scooter. Like, you know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. These are all. Yeah. Do you have any positive parts that want better for you?

[B]

Yeah. But the better for me is just. It's essentially like. Just feeling confident in embracing moderation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And just for lack of a better phrase, figuring that out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because right now, like, I do great on keto. Keto is great for me. I feel good. I have good energy. I like, I am able to stick to it, no problem.

[A]

Is it the strictness of keto that keeps you. Is that what you enjoy about it? Because it's like rules.

[B]

I don't enjoy it. The strictness, it's that the rules are very followable.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I can eat like no carbs and sugar. Like, okay. But I still get like. If I'm like, dude, I want to eat something that just tastes good, I can go eat a double bacon cheeseburger with no bun. Right. And like, that fits what I'm doing. And like, I can. That's an easy trade off to follow those rules.

[A]

There's rules, but they're flexible in some areas that are. That benefit you.

[B]

It's not they're flexible. It's just that I can still eat things that taste good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Essentially. Whereas if I'm trying to just like follow a normal diet and do moderation, moderation for me in my head right now is like, okay, we're going to go get a donut. I'm gonna get one donut. And I'm like, dude, that's good moderation. When I, well, hey, bro, I'll do that every day. I'll get it. I'll go. I'll go to the donut shop twice a day and get a donut.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's good moderation.

[A]

Like, I went six times today, but I only got one donut.

[B]

Exactly, exactly. That's not moderation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So the idea of like, dude, have a donut once a week. I'm just like, oh, why? What? Like that rule, like, those rules are so much harder for me to follow or I let myself off the hook. I don't know what the.

[A]

Because there's too much flexibility there. Like, if I'm going to have one donut once a week, why not? Just.

[B]

Why not? Why don't I have a dozen donuts once a week?

[A]

Yeah. And those are the other voices. And you would be like, what are we doing here? Yeah, yeah, okay, I can see that.

[B]

So, yeah, I do have a part of me that's like, yeah, dude, like, just figured out the moderation. Like, eat pretty good five or six days a week and then have a burger and a donut on Sunday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And understand that you didn't just throw off the whole week because you had a meal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, it's. I'm sure there's a part of me, like, the perfectionism of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I don't know. We're just scratching surface on these parts, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hate it. Hate it.

[A]

No, you don't.

[B]

No, I really do. Yeah. I feel confident in that. I stand by that. I stand by it 10 toes down, my guy. But, yeah, one part is like, dude, you're not in a scooter. Like, you go to the gym, you could swing a golf club. You play with your niece. You play with your dog, you run around with your dog. Like, the. The problem.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a good enough, like.

[B]

And then I have another part that's like, yeah, but, bro, like, are you tired of the waistband? Your underwear being folded in a half, you know? Like. Yeah, I just got all these parts with. Why are you laughing?

[A]

Because I've been dealing with that lately. That's so real. That's so real. Why the Is this folded? I'm like, jesus Christ.

[B]

You ever, like, stretch and it snaps back up and you're like, off?

[A]

Dude, I'm.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your boy's been putting on weight.

[B]

Hey, I know, I know.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

How do you feel about it? Your own weight gain? It's all real. The other day. I'm gonna interrupt you. I hope you like that. This guy, it was one of those, like, satirical songs, and he was singing about, I've put on a little weight so I'm no longer worthy of love. I was like, sing it, brother. So weird. That's like, such a feeling. Like, oh, I've gained weight. There's so much shame with it.

[A]

Oh, dude, I. It stops me from leaving the house sometimes.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I'll have, like, people like, hey, let's do something on Saturday, or whatever. And I'm like, you got it. And then we'll eat like. Or feel fat. And then I'm like, damn. Not going. I think on Saturday they can't see me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are. I don't know. It fluctuates because both my weight and my feelings.

[B]

Yeah, I know who I'm talking to.

[A]

There are some days that I feel good about it. I have not been, like. I feel, like, sizable. I hate you. I hate you in this moment right now.

[B]

That's My favorite thing that you do is with your shoulders, and then. And then you do this with your hands. The amount of times you have tried to pitch me that you're in this second puberty of like, dude, my. My body is just like.

[A]

I'm growing.

[B]

My body is bigger.

[A]

I know.

[B]

You're gaining weight. I know my body. My whole body, shoulders, and my body is just.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Bigger.

[A]

I'm bigger.

[B]

That's how weight gain works.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not just here. It's bigger.

[B]

Oh. Yep.

[A]

Anyways. For sure. Hey.

[B]

And they're Myself, dude, you know. Yeah. Anyway, the second puberty is so funny when you try to pitch me.

[A]

Yeah. Like, my shoulders are bigger, wider, more broad.

[B]

You want me to tell you what it is? That's somebody who has yo yo'd their whole life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your back's bigger.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Back fat, bud.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's what's pulling your shirt tighter, my boy. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, no. Yeah.

[B]

It's always your back in your front. You're not. You're not gonna get broader by accident. That's. God didn't do that for us.

[A]

Anyways, I've been feeling more sizable, and I've been tiny for a majority of my adult life.

[B]

Yeah. Small guy.

[A]

Okay. And so there are certain days that I feel good. I feel solid. I feel like, oh, like, yeah. I'm like, yeah, I got some size on me. And then there are other days where I'm like, oh, I'm just a fat piece of.

[B]

Like, what the. Dude, look at you.

[A]

Like, what have you done?

[B]

What do you think is the difference between those two?

[A]

I don't. I don't know. I. You know what?

[B]

It.

[A]

It's probably just a mind thing with physical activity. When I am more active, where I'm walking and I'm going to the gym, I feel sizable. And when I'm not, I feel like a fat piece of like, oh, yeah. What the. Dude, what have you done?

[B]

Do you feel different depending on what you eat?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been really struggling with making better decisions with food as well, but mine is in, Like, I can eat whatever I want for lunch, and then I'll have a protein bar for dinner. And that's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's life.

[B]

The most Eating disorder.

[A]

Yep. And I'm like. And I know that it's wrong. I know I shouldn't be doing it. I know it. You know, I know all the things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I continue to do it because I'm like, well, it's just temporary.

[B]

It's I drove by a Panda Express. What? Hey, honest question. What was I supposed to do?

[A]

I supposed to do.

[B]

Dude, was I not supposed to get two pounds of orange chicken?

[A]

Right. What the.

[B]

Did you in Donald Trump's America go yourself? I'm getting the orange chicken.

[A]

I'm not gonna get a cookie on the wheel. It's on the way. Didn't you hear it? It's on the way.

[B]

Yeah. Did you have to make 2U turns to get it?

[A]

Yes, sure. But it's right there.

[B]

Yeah, I could see it.

[A]

I could see it in my heart. My heart knew my heart was like. And it led me to it. Yep. I'm supposed to deny my heart now? I don't think so.

[B]

I don't deny my heart because that's called self love.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

So here we are.

[B]

Snort the cookie crumbs? No, but I did, and it is what it is.

[A]

Yeah. So here we are with my underwear waistband folding and. Yeah. You know, nothing really fitting. And I'm like, what are you doing, dude? What are you doing? I think too, a lot of it is like, the old tricks aren't working. Like, I'm. I'm old now. And so, like, the tricks that used to work when I was younger that would, like, trim me up in a few days. Like, I do that and it ain't making a dent.

[B]

Like, well, now my knees hurt.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, wait a minute.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I did the thing and. Yeah, I think I look worse.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's been a real, real struggle.

[B]

Do you want to do something about it? Are you more so working on accepting, Gaining weight?

[A]

A little of both. The acceptance part. I think I talked about it. Maybe on here, maybe not. I got rid of all my jeans that didn't fit. I was tired. I've been. I've been in size 32 waist.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For 20 years.

[B]

Can I tell you the last time I was in a 32 waist?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Take a guess and you be respectful.

[A]

Two summers ago.

[B]

Be honest though.

[A]

I don't know. High school.

[B]

Would you say 32? Sixth grade.

[A]

Sixth grade? Yeah, I was. I was in a size 36 in sixth grade.

[B]

Damn, it's big.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you tired of staring at your phone? Are you addicted to it?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Are you? Yeah.

[A]

Well, yeah, like every everybody else. Sure.

[B]

Okay. All right. Well, I got a new. Let me tell these people about my new phone.

[A]

Okay? Okay.

[B]

It's called the light phone.

[A]

Oh, I've heard about that.

[B]

The light. Yeah, you seem to use it. The light phone. Also known some People call it a dumb phone anyway. It's a smartphone. It has Internet, but the Internet will only get you navigation. There is no email, there is no social media, nothing like that. It does calls, it does texts, it does navigation. It has a calendar and a flashlight.

[A]

It's like having a BlackBerry again.

[B]

Kinda O. Yeah, I love that. It has a pretty cool camera too. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, it's got a dope camera on it. It's got a camera. Yeah. Anyway, they were nice enough, they sent us a little discount code if anybody wants to get on the light phone train with us. So there's a link in the episode description for the light phone. And then if you want to pre order the light phone three, use code. Secondhand therapy, all lowercase. Try out a light phone. It's pretty great.

[A]

Stop your doom scrolling.

[B]

Stop your doom scrolling. Be more present in life. Link down below. Promo code. Secondhand therapy, all lowercase. Check out a light phone. Join us in the present world. Yeah, I don't think that's right. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I was gonna out fat you, but I'm like, who cares, bro? I was like, wait, 36th grade. I was like, no, sixth grade. I was definitely a 40 or 38. Yeah, it doesn't matter, bro.

[A]

It doesn't matter. Anyways, I've been size 32 for 20 years. And in the last, you know, six months, I've none of my pants fit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I've been really trying to like, oh, I'm gonna get more active. And I was. I was going to the gym three times a week and I was getting up and I was walking and I was doing all the things and nothing. I was still couldn't fit into my pants. And I. The acceptance came and I was just like, I'm getting rid of all these jeans and pants and I'm getting 34, got some 44s.

[B]

So now 44s look good.

[A]

Now I'm in 34s and I'm just like. And that's. That's where I'm at. Yeah, that's where I'm at, man.

[B]

44S for life or 34s for life? Sorry.

[A]

Yeah, because I'm not like, again, like, I like, I like being a little sizable. I want to work on feeling better about my choices. We talked about that a little bit in therapy this week with like, I'm out of my routine. And I've been out of my routine for a few months and it's been really hard, you know, especially like, I don't know, just like the perfect storm of everything. The holidays, this and that. Like, it was just like, all right. And, you know, I got tour coming up and whatever. And I'm just like, well, that's gonna be hard and whatever. And so it's been really hard to get back into my routine. And the motivation that kind of got me out of it and got me back into my routine a few days ago was. And I think I told you a little bit about this was this idea of higher self that I've been thinking about. Like, what is higher Self doing? Is Higher self sleeping until 8 or 9 o' clock in the morning?

[B]

About what? What is Higher self?

[A]

Higher self is like the. Is the version of you that you would like to be. Like the. Not like an ideal version, but close to that. Like. Like when you say things like, I wish I was vacationing more. Well, is Higher self. Do they vacation a lot? Like, what. What is. What does your life look like?

[B]

Yeah, Higher self is in. In a massive amount of credit card debt.

[A]

Yes, exactly. And that's really the motivation that got me out of it. Out of that, like, kind of funk was like almost in. It was negative talk in a positive way. You know what I mean? It was like. It was comparison, but it was to this version of myself that I want to be like. You think Higher self was sleeping until 9am dude, higher self is up 6am they're journaling, they're writing. They're at the depression.

[B]

You piece of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You'Re always giving me about age, right? What does it matter how old you are? What does it matter what time you get up?

[A]

For me, it's just if I feel better when I'm up earlier. For me, yeah, it's more motivating for me if I'm up early. And if. If I get up at 9 and. And start my day, dog, I ain't get. I ain't. There's nothing getting done. I ain't going to the gym because if I might get around, I have now it's like 10, 10 30, 11, 6.

[B]

You have to nap.

[A]

Yeah, but that's. I was thinking about this earlier.

[B]

This is Higher Self take snaps. Yeah.

[A]

Because Higher self has got so much done during the first half of the day that they can crash for a little bit. Like. And I think it doesn't make sense for you for the nap because of the logical aspect of like, well, why did not just take that hour you're napping and add it to the hour sleeping in? Like. Yeah, that's not I get the logic of time, how that works. But you know me, I operate with feelings. I feel better in the morning when I wake up. I feel more motivated when I'm up in the morning. I'm. It's more energizing. Like, it's like. Yeah, yeah, I know that. Yeah. So. Yeah, you think? And so that was kind of what I was doing, was just kind of like checking in with myself in those ways about being like, what is higher self doing? Higher self is up and doing and getting done and like. And then it goes into the broader sense of higher self, right? And I started asking myself questions that I really haven't. You know me, I'm always in survival mode. And if, you know, I'm just. If I can just get through this right now. And so I started. It led me down this path of starting to put together, like, okay, what do I want? What does life look like for higher self? Where does. Where does he live? What does he drive? What. What is he doing? What is he accomplishing? Like, what is. What's higher self doing, man? And because that way I can. I can then work backwards. This Higher Self. Higher Self got a high rise condo.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

How do you get that? Well, you're gonna make more money. How do you make more money then you. So it's like that kind of thing where it's like, okay, so now I have a starting point instead of just saying like, I wish things were better.

[B]

Okay, so what does higher self want? Or what is higher self doing? Give me. Give me what it looks like.

[A]

I don't know yet. I'm still piecing it together.

[B]

What do you have?

[A]

I don't know, man. Like, like I said, it's all very new. So I haven't really mapped out a whole lot, but I've been using it for like, short term motivation, right? Like, like with this book I've been trying to finish. Hey, man, you've been working on it for two years. What are we doing? It. It needs to get done. Like, let's get it done. Let's get it out. Like, higher self has a book out.

[B]

So.

[A]

How do you do that? Well, you finish what you've been working on and dragging your feet on for two years. You know what I mean? Like, Higher self has a film out next year. Okay. How does he do that? Higher self has his own place. Okay, what does that look like? So I've been working on my credit score and I've been trying to, like, you know, you and I have been talking about money and this and that, and I'm like, okay, that's what it takes for higher self to live in a. In a place that he wants to. I want to live in. Right. Like, I would like at least a two bedroom house or apartment. Okay. What do we need to do to get there? So, yeah, just trying to, like. Yeah. Higher self is journaling. Higher self is up early. Higher self is like. The basic. What it keeps coming back to. I'm just realizing this. I'm just putting this together.

[B]

You look very defeated by whatever you're about to say.

[A]

Yeah, because I just.

[B]

I wonder if it's gonna be the same thing I was gonna say.

[A]

I bet it is.

[B]

You go first.

[A]

Higher self is showing up for himself.

[B]

Oh, that's not what I was gonna say.

[A]

What were you gonna say?

[B]

I was gonna say, higher self is sure worried about productivity and image.

[A]

Oh, no. Higher self is. Is showing up. Higher self is. Is actually doing things. Higher self is not making excuses. Higher self is not saying, we'll start on Monday. Higher self is not saying, let's go to Panda Express and eat a protein bar for dinner. Higher self's not doing that. Higher self is learning how to cook. Higher self is making meals. Higher self is. Higher self is showing up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I got a real problem with showing up for myself. We talked about that in therapy, too.

[B]

Have a question. Is, does higher self have satisfaction?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What does that look like?

[A]

I think satisfaction comes with comfortability.

[B]

In what way? Comfort with what?

[A]

Well, I think you picked up on, like, you mentioned, like, image and this and that. And, like, comfortability is.

[B]

For my autism. I need you to just say comfort, okay? Otherwise I'm gonna correct you, and I really just want to focus on what you're saying. I know, I know, dude.

[A]

Comfort.

[B]

I blame my autism. Did you like that?

[A]

I did.

[B]

Like, I did that for you. I tried to put it in a way. You would be like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

My autism has a question.

[A]

Yeah, that sounds.

[B]

Can you not talk like a. Can you say comfort? Thank you.

[A]

That was way better than you being like, please say that.

[B]

Can you say comfort?

[A]

Yeah, that's how I wanted to say it. Yeah.

[B]

But I was like, no, the autism needs it.

[A]

Yeah, that makes sense. I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah. He's not being a dick, just autistic. He's autistic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's not. It's so, like, wanting a. A place with, like, at least two bedrooms that's comfortable. That's not image. I would like a spot for once in my Life on my own. That my living room doesn't share, my office, that shares, my kitchen, that shares my. You know what I mean? Like, I would like to be comfortable. So it's not about an image thing. About, like, oh, people are going to come over and be like, ooh, it. It's. No, I. I would be more comfortable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Having a workspace.

[B]

What I'm asking is once you have that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Higher self is satisfied.

[A]

Yeah. These are the things that. Yeah. Our higher cell. Yeah, These are the things that are. That I. These are goals. These. Yeah.

[B]

Anything higher self is just. They're not going to need a pool or a third bedroom or. Because one of the things we talk about with you a lot is you always need more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And when you keep taught. When you keep talking about higher self, it's always like, higher self as a book out, Higher self as a movie out next year. Like, it's always. I was wondering if higher self is ever satisfied.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think in that. In that realm, I just have a lot. Like, we've talked about this before. Like, I have a lot that I want to do before I die creatively. And. Yeah. So it's not really about chasing the. The next high of, like, a project. It is like, these are things that I have been thinking about for years and want to get done and. Yeah. Hire. Yeah. And I'm either not making time or making excuses, and that's why they're not done. And higher self doesn't do that. Higher self does it.

[B]

Does higher self accept failure?

[A]

It's a good question.

[B]

Because all the things you want to get done. I got a big spoiler alert. They're not all going to happen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's not how life works.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So does higher self accept failure?

[A]

I mean, higher self's in therapy, so probably.

[B]

Oh, you're in therapy. Is higher self still in therapy?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Lifelong therapy.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Even if it's spread out, I still think checking in is necessary. Yeah. Are you not, like, lifelong therapy? You trying to get out?

[B]

Not trying to get out? I definitely am not. There's no value for me in being one of those people that goes to therapy every week and just talks about their week.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's a complete waste of time for me. I'm in every other week now, and I didn't talk about the last two weeks. Who gives a. If something happened that I need to address and work through, I'll talk about it. Otherwise, let's talk about food. That's what we're working on. Yeah, I don't. We don't need to catch up. Dude, you know that's not for me. I'm here to work on things, so. Yeah, Lifelong therapy is not for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As needed.

[A]

Yeah, I can see that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Higher self. Still feeling anxious? Nope.

[B]

Went away.

[A]

You're welcome.

[B]

Thanks. And we know that. Jesus.

[A]

That's a bear.

[B]

It's not.