Secondhand Therapy – Episode #115

Anxiety With No Trigger, Body Image Shame & “Higher Self”

Released: January 26, 2026

Overview

In this candid, laughter-filled episode, hosts Louie Paoletti and Michael Malone navigate the nuances of anxiety without a clear trigger, grapple with body image issues and food shame, and discuss the concept of the “higher self” when it comes to personal change and growth. As always, the duo blend genuine vulnerability with offbeat humor, providing listeners with a raw yet relatable look at modern mental health challenges, all through the lens of their real-life therapy journeys.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Anxiety Without an Obvious Cause

Timestamp: 09:15 – 17:32

• Louie opens up right away about experiencing “a lot of anxiety” for no apparent reason, even as the episode begins.
  • “I am having a lot of anxiety and I don’t know why, but just as a heads up.” — Louie (02:38)
• The sensation is physiological—chest tingles, a tight feeling, a sense of panic—but without a specific worry or event attached.
• Michael is surprised; his own anxiety usually has a clear trigger or focus.
  • “My anxiety is always linked to some kind of source.” — Michael (09:54)
• Louie links the increased frequency of these episodes to recent lifestyle changes:
  • Stopped going to the gym due to injury.
  • Spending more time scrolling on his phone as a distraction.
• Louie emphasizes his ongoing process: accepting anxiety’s presence rather than fearing or fighting it.
  • “I’m trying to just get to a point of just understanding, like, okay, it’s here right now. It’s okay. It’s a part of my experience.” — Louie (13:12)
• The hosts compare strategies: Louie prefers acceptance and self-reminders of safety. Michael finds it grounding to speak his feelings aloud for external validation—either to himself or others.

2. Relationship Support & Expression

Timestamp: 14:25 – 17:32

• Louie’s relationship gives him someone to inform about anxiety spikes, but he’s ambivalent about whether this helps—it's neither codependent nor necessarily soothing.
• Michael identifies as someone who needs to vocalize his emotions and have them acknowledged to feel real:
  • “I need permission to feel.” — Michael (17:05)
• Playful banter about the different internal needs for reassurance, and how sharing vulnerability can either soothe or embarrass, depending on personality.

3. Coping Tips: Annoyance vs. Acceptance

Timestamp: 19:40 – 22:18

• The duo joke about “helpful” anxiety tips—like ice packs or lemon biting—often feeling trivial or frustrating during serious anxiety attacks.
  • “I was like, I can’t breathe, dude. Let me go get an ice pack. ... I’m trying not to put a gun in my mouth.” — Louie (20:42)
• Michael is more willing to try odd suggestions:
  • “You said put an ice pack on my neck? You got it. I’ll eat a whole lemon right now. Whatever makes this go away.” — Michael (21:48)
• Both agree that “self-help” hacks don’t universally work, and what’s comforting for one can annoy the other.

4. The Pandemic, Routine, and Nostalgia

Timestamp: 23:02 – 24:04

• Brief, tongue-in-cheek reflection on missing elements of pandemic life, like isolation, shifting routines, and less social pressure.
  • “The pandemic was pretty great... I miss it.” — Louie (23:29)
• Acknowledgement that the loss and hardship were real, but some aspects of enforced downtime worked well for introverts.

5. Food, Body Image, and Therapy Work

Timestamp: 29:10 – 41:32

• Louie discusses feeling skeptical about addressing food and eating issues in regular therapy, suggesting real change would require a rehab-style, intensive approach.
• The duo discuss “parts work” in therapy—exploring different internal voices related to food and self-image.
  • “I have one part that thinks this is a waste of time. If I’m not getting checked in and waterboarded and being told, don’t eat Oreos, or whatever, we’re not getting anywhere.” — Louie (30:56)
• For Louie, strict diets with clear rules (like keto) are easier than moderation, which feels too flexible and slippery.
• Both reflect on how negative body image and weight fluctuations impact their moods, social lives, and sense of worth:
  • “Oh, dude, it stops me from leaving the house sometimes.” — Michael (36:26)
  • “There’s so much shame with it.” — Louie (36:17)
• Michael describes fluctuating between feeling “sizable” and “just a fat piece of s***,” depending mainly on physical activity and self-talk.
• Admission that disordered eating behaviors—skipping meals, cycling between indulgence and restriction—are persistent and hard to shake.
  • “I can eat whatever I want for lunch, and then I’ll have a protein bar for dinner. And that’s—Yeah, that’s life. The most eating disorder.” — Michael (39:53)

6. Self-Acceptance vs. Change

Timestamp: 41:37 – 45:03

• Louie and Michael debate the tension between accepting one’s body/weight and wanting to change.
• Michael decides to buy larger pants rather than keep “aspirational” jeans, recognizing long-term change is unlikely to be quick.
  • “The acceptance came and I was just like, I’m getting rid of all these jeans and pants and I’m getting 34s. ...That’s where I’m at, man.” — Michael (44:51)
• Both point out that aging brings new challenges: old weight-loss tricks stop working, and the body changes.

7. The “Higher Self” Concept for Motivation

Timestamp: 45:03 – 56:54

• Michael shares how envisioning a “higher self”—the version of himself he wants to become—helps break out of ruts or negative patterns.
  • “What is higher self doing? Is higher self sleeping until 8 or 9 o’clock?” — Michael (46:10)
• Higher self is defined as the near-ideal version of oneself, more motivated, productive, in better routines.
  • “Higher self is showing up for himself.” — Michael (51:51)
• Louie challenges whether this “higher self” is chasing satisfaction or just productivity/image—raising the point that goals can keep moving, leading to perpetual dissatisfaction.
  • “Higher self is sure worried about productivity and image.” — Louie (51:56)
  • “Does higher self accept failure?” — Louie (56:39)
• Michael asserts it’s about fewer excuses and more consistent action, not just image, and admits he struggles to show up for himself.
• The hosts compare approaches to therapy: Michael sees it as a lifelong tool; Louie prefers “as needed,” not wanting to recap every week if there’s no urgent issue.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Louie on the oddness of triggerless anxiety:
  “I have no clue why. I just feel so anxious. Just as a heads up.” (02:44)
• Michael on needing external validation:
  “I need permission to feel.” (17:05)
• Louie resisting unsolicited anxiety advice:
  “I’m trying not to put a gun in my mouth. That’s all I want to do.” (20:42)
• On pandemic nostalgia:
  “The pandemic was pretty great, dude. I miss it.” (23:29)
• Michael on body shame disrupting life:
  “It stops me from leaving the house sometimes.” (36:26)
• Louie on strict dieting vs. moderation:
  “Keto is great for me... moderation for me right now is like, okay, we’re going to go get a donut, I’m going to get one donut. ... Well, hey, bro, I’ll do that every day.” (33:03)
• On “Higher Self” motivation:
  “Higher self is up, and doing, and getting shit done.” (47:32)
• Louie calling out shifting standards:
  “Is higher self ever satisfied?” (55:36)
• Michael, humorously explaining his philosophy:
  “I blame my autism. Did you like that?” (53:54)
• On lifelong therapy:
  “Are you not, like, lifelong therapy? You trying to get out?” (57:06)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Anxiety With No Trigger: 09:15 – 17:32
• Relationship Support & Expression: 14:25 – 17:32
• Coping Tips – Annoyance vs. Acceptance: 19:40 – 22:18
• Pandemic Routine & Nostalgia: 23:02 – 24:04
• Food, Body Image Shame & Therapy: 29:10 – 41:32
• Self-Acceptance vs. Change: 41:37 – 45:03
• “Higher Self” & Aspirations: 45:03 – 56:54

Tone & Language

The conversation throughout is open, self-deprecating, and humor-laden, peppered with affectionate profanity, teasing, and a sense of camaraderie. Louie and Michael blend clinical insights with everyday struggles, making serious topics feel approachable while never dismissing their real emotional weight.

For New Listeners

This episode serves as a quintessential snapshot of Secondhand Therapy’s voice—frank, funny, vulnerable, and refreshingly real about mental health’s messiness. Whether you relate more to Louie’s skeptical acceptance or Michael’s “higher self” aspirations, you’ll likely find a piece of your own experience echoed—and maybe even laugh about it for a while.