Transcript

Therapist Host 1 (0:00)

Secondhand Therapy is presented by Pony Bear Studios.

Brad Garrett (0:04)

Jesus.

Therapist Host 2 (0:06)

That's a bear.

Brad Garrett (0:08)

It's not.

Therapist Host 1 (0:09)

Hello, little bear cubs. This episode of Secondhand Therapy is sponsored by BetterHelp. And, you know, they want us to tell you the benefits of therapy, but it's kind of the show.

Brad Garrett (0:24)

Right.

Therapist Host 1 (0:24)

If you listen to us, you know, we're pro therapy. You use BetterHelp recently?

Therapist Host 2 (0:30)

Yes, I have. I just signed up.

Therapist Host 1 (0:32)

How'd it go?

Therapist Host 2 (0:33)

It's great. I got to pick my own therapist. They have a bunch like a. There's like two or three pages of people that I got to choose from and. Yeah, I just started a few sessions ago.

Brad Garrett (0:44)

Nice.

Therapist Host 1 (0:46)

Have you used their journal feature?

Therapist Host 2 (0:48)

I have not seen that yet, but I'm excited to because I love a digital journal.

Therapist Host 1 (0:52)

Who doesn't love a digital journal? Yeah, we're excited to have them as a new sponsor. You know, you went to BetterHelp because you were in between insurance.

Therapist Host 2 (1:04)

Yeah.

Therapist Host 1 (1:05)

So if you're listening to this and maybe you're in between insurance, maybe you don't have insurance. It's just, it's a good resource to start therapy. And if you listen to the show and you've been wanting to get into therapy and you don't really know where to start, Better help's a good option. And they were nice enough to give us a discount code. If you guys. If you're listening and you want to start with BetterHelp, go to betterhelp.com secondhand therapy and you get 10% off your first month. All the info will be in the episode description below. Get in therapy. You know, it's great.

Summary

Secondhand Therapy Podcast

Episode #100: Brad Garrett Tells His Story | September 22, 2025

Episode Overview

In their milestone 100th episode, Louie Paoletti and Michael Malone, the hosts of Secondhand Therapy, take their deeply honest, irreverent mental health conversations out of the studio and into the legendary MGM Grand, where they sit down with acclaimed actor and comedian Brad Garrett. Famous for Everybody Loves Raymond and much more, Brad opens up with raw honesty, vivid humor, and vulnerability about his struggles with addiction, growing up around parental mental illness, coping with grief, intergenerational trauma, and the often-messy work of emotional healing.

The episode skillfully balances heavy, personal revelations with familiar wit and warmth, creating a poignant, engaging dialogue about why personal growth—and forgiveness—remains so challenging.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Brad's Early Experiences with Family Mental Illness

Childhood Survival & Chaos:
- Brad describes “raising his parents,” both of whom experienced distinct but significant mental illness.
- His father suffered from undiagnosed bipolar disorder and his mother from severe depression, agoraphobia, and bulimia.
- “I ended up kind of raising my parents who both suffered from mental illness, both of them very different types and in different ways.” (Brad, 05:46)
Parental Divorce & Emotional Toll:
- Parents divorced when Brad was 7; he became “an emotional wreck” by age 10—developing tics and heightened anxieties.
- Therapy became a lifeline, still impactful decades later.

2. The Roots and Realities of Addiction

Escapism as Coping:
- Brad details substance use as self-medication—escaping unfinished business, dread, grief, and overwhelming emotions.
- “I love getting high...because I had trouble turning my head off. But at the end of the day, I knew it was killing me, and it was going to, because I have, you know, I have a very high tolerance for carbs, for really. For really anything.” (Brad, 05:46-07:00)
Sobriety’s Turning Point:
- Addictive patterns escalated until blackouts and waking up “with one shoe on in a strange town” forced self-reckoning.
- A key motivator for sobriety was the desire to be a present, reliable father:
  - “I knew I wanted to be a father...and I knew I couldn't put my kids to bed...high or drunk.” (Brad, 33:00)

3. Inheritance of Trauma & Codependency

Cycle of Caretaking:
- Brad and hosts discuss codependency’s origins in trying to “keep parents happy” and feeling the need to rescue, fix, and control family chaos.
- “It also makes you a control freak. Yeah, which I'm still battling.” (Brad, 13:06)
Boundaries & Fixing:
- The difficulty, and necessity, of developing boundaries with family, especially parents who are struggling or manipulative.
- “How much of my saving and fixing deep down was self punishment?” (Brad, 46:18)

4. Parental Relationships and the Search for Approval

Complex Love and Envy:
- Unconditional love, or the lack of it, and its impact. The blurred line between support and envy among family—his mother’s vicarious living and emotional manipulation; his father’s humor saving him despite immense pain.
- “They were just people that loved with conditions.” (Brad, 15:20)
Specific Family Incidents:
- Mother’s bulimia and her strategy for hiding it by manufacturing dinner arguments—a revelation Brad didn’t fully process until his 30s.
  - “She would create an argument at dinner...so nobody would bother her.” (Brad, 20:43)
Siblings & Divergent Coping:
- Brad’s brothers chose emotional distance, refusal of therapy, while Brad felt compelled to “keep them both alive.”
- Heartbreaking story of his brother Jeff’s search for their absent biological father:
  - “‘If I wanted to know you, I would have stayed.’” (Brad, quoting Jeff’s father, 30:00)

5. Forgiveness, Grief, and Moving Forward

Processing Loss and Letting Go:
- Multiple losses in short succession: best friend, father, brother—all within 16 months.
- Forgiveness designed as a tool for personal growth—not erasing the past, but releasing responsibility for others’ suffering.
- “My forgiveness and my sobriety really only increases my love for those that didn’t have the opportunity.” (Brad, 25:57)
When Forgiveness Is One-Sided:
- Hosts and Brad explore how to forgive parents (especially posthumously) when they lacked the tools or capacity to heal alongside you.
- “They wouldn’t have worked through it with you anyway.” (Brad, 44:22)

6. Addiction, Therapy, and Nontraditional Healing

Therapy's Role:
- Therapy as essential to Brad’s self-understanding, but he also discusses alternative routes for healing outside of traditional programs (e.g., AA).
  - “You can love someone more than you can imagine. And people have to want it.” (Brad, 32:48)
Al-Anon & Family Addiction:
- Brad describes how Al-Anon offered insight into his mother’s and stepfather’s codependency and addiction cycles.

7. Faith, Religion, and Generational Shifts

Father’s Religious Conversion:
- Brad recounts his father's late-in-life religious fervor, how it complicated their relationship, and his skepticism about how faith can sometimes be a last resort or a “cop out.”
- “I think religion is everyone's last call. I think it's the last thing they grab onto when everyone's left them.” (Brad, 56:29)
Religion, Afterlife, and Emotional Coping:
- Spirited discussion about how community, morality, and fear of death feed into religious belief—contrasting the social evolution of other cultures.
  - “I truly think the biggest draw to religion is afterlife. I think if you remove afterlife, what's left? Be a good person.” (Therapist Host 1, 59:48)

8. The Messy, Ongoing Process of Healing

Healing as a Lifelong Project:
- Brad and the hosts agree that unpacking trauma and growing emotionally is never finished; it’s constant, messy, and “exhausting—but worth it.”
  - “Are we ever finished? Do you ever want to be finished? Growing, Being. You know, I’m exhausted.” (Brad, 31:46)
Humor as Survival:
- Comedy and storytelling punctuate heavy moments, underlining how humor itself is a crucial tool for survival and growth.

Notable Quotes & memorable moments

“We become very controlling people...and the biggest thing about addiction is surrendering. Well, how can I go from a control freak to now letting go everything that kept me alive?”
Brad, 13:06
“There was a lot of love around me. You know, they were just people that loved with conditions.”
Brad, 15:20
“The toughest thing I had to probably learn in my life was how to be with myself. You know, it’s the last person we want to be with.”
Brad, 18:24
“If one person...could take—and I know that’s why you guys do it, but...if one person listening could take something from this...”
Brad, 50:40
“I think religion is everyone’s last call...it’s the last thing they grab onto when everyone’s left them.”
Brad, 56:29
“If we spent half the time working on the life that we’re having now, as opposed to rallying for the afterlife, how great would life be?”
Brad, 61:07
Brad describing his father’s humor and warmth despite bipolar disorder:
“My dad, he said to me, when I was a kid, he goes, here, this is called Sammy Davis Live at the Coconut Grove. You got to see this guy one day...I told him, I said, I’m gonna work with this man one day. And he goes, I believe you.”
(Brad, 41:05)

Important Segment Timestamps

Brad’s parents' mental illness and early family dynamics: 05:46 – 13:06
Addiction and sobering up: 05:46 – 07:17, 33:00 – 35:24
Bulimia and manipulation at home: 19:33 – 21:35
Siblings and family estrangement: 27:30 – 31:01
Therapy, boundaries, and regret: 46:16 – 48:09
Religion, afterlife, and meaning: 56:29 – 61:07

Tone & Takeaways

The conversation is raw, generous, and darkly funny—never shying away from vulnerability or pain, but always tempered with compassion and self-aware humor. Brad Garrett’s storytelling is vivid and unfiltered, and the hosts match his candor, sharing their own challenges with codependency, grief, and forgiveness. Ultimately, the episode is about accepting imperfection, the necessity of boundaries, and the never-ending journey of healing.

For listeners wrestling with their own family histories or personal growth, Brad’s story is a tender reminder: it’s okay to be unfinished—and you don’t have to hide your mess to be worthy of love, forgiveness, or joy.

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Brad Garrett Tells His Story | #100