Selected Shorts — “Reinventing the Wheel”
Aired September 11, 2025
Host: Meg Wolitzer
Performers: Santino Fontana, Nicole Kang, Jason Alexander

Episode Overview

This episode of Selected Shorts dives into the urge to reinvent—whether it’s love, parenthood, or our place in the world. Through three contemporary short stories, the show explores why we try to improve on what already works, often with funny, poignant, and all-too-human results. The stories, read by acclaimed actors, include Simon Rich’s “Kerosene,” Tania James’s “The Cage,” and Jess Walter’s “The Dark.”

Key Discussion Points & Story Summaries

1. Introduction: Reinvention and the Burger Analogy

[01:09–04:14]
Host Meg Wolitzer frames the show’s theme with an analogy:

• The classic burger is a formula that “works,” yet we endlessly tweak it.
• Reinvention can be an act of creative vision…or just anxious busywork.
• Sets up the three stories, each exploring a new spin on old conventions—technology, parenting, and late-in-life romance.

2. Story 1: “Kerosene” by Simon Rich

Performed by Santino Fontana
[04:15–16:18]

Plot Overview

• Setting: Gilded Age Boston, transitioning from whale oil to kerosene.
• Characters:
  • Rufus Vanderhoot: a wealthy kerosene mogul
  • A shipwrecked captain clinging to the hope of whale oil’s return to glory
• Premise: Rufus picks up a castaway who’s survived 10 years at sea and still believes whale oil is the future, not realizing it’s been made obsolete by kerosene.

Key Moments & Insights

• Comic Social Satire:
  • Rufus describes his riches “There were Shetland ponies for the children, Parisian hats for the wife, and Bolivian cocaine for Rufus.” (04:26)
• The Captain’s Obliviousness:
  • “That hull be full of oil. And not just any oil. Whale oil. The finest fuel known to mankind.” (05:28)
  • He’s unaware of kerosene’s invention and remains convinced of whale oil’s future.
• Reinvention’s Bitter Consequences:
  • The moment of realization, as the captain insists, “‘Did they invent something while I was gone?’” (09:47)
  • Rufus: “‘While you were at sea eating your friends, scientists invented a new fuel called kerosene, and it’s... better.’” (10:47)
• Satirical Wisdom:
  • The captain muses on happiness and wealth:
    “They’ve done studies and there be no correlation between money and happiness. I mean, you have to be above a certain threshold, obviously, right? Like the thing I be reading, it be saying that up to 75k it be mattering a lot how much you make, but once you be making beyond that, it’d be more or less the same.” (13:41)
  • Ends with the captain content to return to the sea, and Rufus doubting his own soulless quest for progress.

Memorable Quotes

• Captain: “Sometimes you end up on the wrong side of the harpoon.” (12:09)
• Rufus: “Whaling was worse than futile. It was immoral. Lives would be lost and nature despoiled for a cause that future generations would look at as barbaric and unnecessary.” (15:56)

3. Story 2: “The Cage” by Tania James

Performed by Nicole Kang
[18:03–27:00]

Plot Overview

• Setting: Contemporary young parents in a city apartment
• Premise: After their baby falls out of bed, two parents spiral into increasingly elaborate attempts to “baby-proof” their child’s sleeping environment.

Key Moments & Insights

• Progression of Efforts:
  • Start by pushing the bed into a corner, add rails, then convert the whole room into a giant mattress.
  • Receive dubious advice from a playground mom: “Try making your room all bed.” (20:15)
• Parental Anxiety and Comedic Desperation:
  • They build a cage and paint it sky-blue with cloud, dinosaur, and bunny frescoes.
• Generational Differences:
  • The narrator’s parents complain: “We never caged you. We let you walk around dragging a piece of particle board, partying all night...” (22:25)
• Climax and Surreal Solidarity:
  • The tables turn as the child locks the narrator in the cage and escapes.
  • From the cage, she sees other mothers in similar situations flashing iPhone lights as signals—“me too, me too, me too.”
    (Me too flashing sequence — 25:49)

Memorable Quotes

• “The baby says, ‘You must be joking.’ I ask the baby if he is my good baby. I ask if he is my good baby or my bad baby? The baby says he is good. ‘Then try it,’ I say. ‘You try it,’ he says.” (23:58)
• “It feels good to think that the baby might be looking through my mother’s bedroom window, dazzled by all of the stars.” (26:56)

4. Story 3: “The Dark” by Jess Walter

Performed by Jason Alexander
[28:25–58:38]

Plot Overview

• Setting: Spokane, Washington; present day
• Characters:
  • Doug: retired professor, recent widower
  • Ellie: his late wife, whose memory lingers
  • Aaron: their adult son
  • Marcy: his date, unexpectedly connected to his wife's past
• Premise: In the aftermath of losing his wife, Doug navigates dating in his 60s, family dynamics, and the unexpected ways old stories persist.

Key Moments & Insights

• Ellie’s Quirky Last Wishes:
  • “First, he was not to introduce their adult children to any women for at least a year... Second, he might have some Viagra on hand... Third, and somehow this was the most important to her: Doug should beware of blonde women in their 60s.” (29:56)
• Grief, Humor, and New Starts:
  • Doug’s first date goes awry with awkward jokes; his son teases him about not “knowing” if he has grandchildren.
  • He enters the online dating pool, with son Aaron impatiently helping: “Give it here, I’ll set you up on OkCupid.” (37:12)
• Collision of Pasts and Presents:
  • On a promising second date with Marcy Gearing—the one woman his late wife always held a grudge against from high school cheerleading camp.
  • Doug’s interior debate: Can he let go of his wife’s “pointless lifelong grudge”?
• Profound Reflections:
  • Conversation with the hospice pastor: “We are the ones who teach babies to be afraid of the dark... Why would babies be afraid of the dark when it is the place they’ve just come from?” (54:15)
• Ending:
  • Marcy, also not ready for romance, leaves Doug at the restaurant. Doug, unexpectedly, feels content, ready to share the mishap with his son, perhaps more connected to love and life than he realized.

Memorable Quotes

• Doug’s self-awareness: “I wake up every day feeling like I’ve missed a train or something. Like there’s been a huge mistake.” (34:44)
• Doug to the waitress: “‘Is the lady not coming back?’ asks the waitress. ‘The lady is not,’ Doug says.” (58:05)
• Jason Alexander’s delivery captures both heartbreak and dry wit; warm, understated, human.

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “Sometimes you end up on the wrong side of the harpoon.” (Santino Fontana as the Captain, Kerosene, 12:09)
• “Try making your room all bed.” (Nicole Kang as narrator, The Cage, 20:15)
• “At these heights there is no sound, no fear, only flashing. And it feels good to think that the baby might be looking through my mother’s bedroom window, dazzled by all of the stars.” (Nicole Kang as narrator, 26:56)
• “We are the ones who teach babies to be afraid of the dark.” (Jason Alexander as Pastor Astrid via Ellie, The Dark, 54:15)
• “‘Is the lady not coming back?’ asks the waitress. ‘The lady is not,’ Doug says.” (Jason Alexander as Doug, 58:05)

Episode Reflection & Tone

• Voice & Tone: Warm, insightful, and gently comedic; the readings blend dry humor, bittersweet nostalgia, and self-aware vulnerability.
• Host’s Closing Reflection:
  • Reinvention isn’t always necessary and can be painful, but effort matters: “Maybe as we attempt to craft something new or different, the reward is in the effort itself, believing in the possibility of what could be.” (58:38)

Timestamps for Key Story Segments

• [01:09] Episode introduction & theme
• [04:15] "Kerosene" by Simon Rich (read by Santino Fontana)
• [16:18] Host commentary and transition
• [18:03] "The Cage" by Tania James (read by Nicole Kang)
• [27:00] Host commentary and transition
• [28:25] "The Dark" by Jess Walter (read by Jason Alexander)
• [58:38] Host final thoughts

Takeaways

• Reinvention: Our drive to improve often lands us back in familiar territory—but the journey is the point.
• Connection: Whether through technology, overprotective parenting, or second acts at love, these stories remind us that human connection remains at the core—and sometimes our struggles with change are what connect us most.

If you missed the episode, this summary offers a journey through humor, heartbreak, and the timeless, almost universal, drive to reinvent the wheel—even when the old ways still work just fine.