Brianna Wiest: Stop Sabotaging Your Life

Summary

Podcast Summary: Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen

Episode: “Brianna Wiest: Stop Sabotaging Your Life”

Host: Chrissy Teigen
Guest: Brianna Wiest (Author of "The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage into Self-Mastery")
Date: September 25, 2025

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Main Theme and Purpose

Chrissy Teigen welcomes author Brianna Wiest for an illuminating dialogue on the topic of self-sabotage: what it really is, how it manifests, and how we can gently move beyond it. The conversation reframes self-sabotage as a misunderstood form of self-protection and explores practical strategies to interrupt these patterns and foster emotional resilience. Wiest shares deep psychological insights, relatable anecdotes, and a powerful guided visualization to help listeners reconnect with their highest potential.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Understanding Self-Sabotage

• Reframing Self-Sabotage
  • Brianna Wiest explains self-sabotage as an act of misguided self-love, not punishment (02:17):

    “It’s an act of self love. It’s you trying to keep yourself safe without knowing what exactly you’re trying to keep yourself safe from... it’s a self defense mechanism.”
    – Brianna Wiest [02:17]

• The Power of Feelings and Conditioning
  • Self-sabotage happens when we let strong emotions dictate actions. Overriding them can initially feel invalidating, but sometimes “you have to act in spite of yourself” (03:24–04:17).
  • Quote:

    “You have to act in spite of yourself… when you know it’s time to be brave.”
    – Brianna Wiest [03:59]

The Pause: Interrupting Automatic Patterns

• Wiest and Teigen discuss the critical moment of pause between feeling and reacting.
  • Wiest calls it “your golden window of opportunity” (04:29) and encourages people to “practice the pause”:

    “If you can get one second in between how you feel or think and what you do, great. But if you can extend that… I can let things go for an hour or a day or a week and come back to them.”
    – Brianna Wiest [04:29–05:23]

  • Chrissy admits she struggles to extend the pause but celebrates small wins (05:23).
  • Quote:

    “Maybe a couple minutes. I can’t imagine a week at a time.”
    – Chrissy Teigen [05:23]

Subtle Forms of Self-Sabotage and ‘Upper Limits’

• The Concept of the Upper Limit
  • Wiest draws on Gay Hendricks’ idea that everyone has “an unconscious tolerance for feeling good,” prompting us to sabotage positives that stray outside our comfort zone (06:04).
  • Quote:

    “Anything new, no matter how good, is uncomfortable until it’s also familiar.”
    – Brianna Wiest [06:36]

• Chrissy relates, emphasizing how this shows up in addiction and recovery—personal comfort often trumps what’s good for us (07:09).
• Parenting Your Inner Child
  • Wiest likens emotional growth to “parenting a toddler—the toddler is you, and the parent is you” (08:08).

How to Reprogram Your Comfort Zone

• Override Feelings with Intentional Choices
  • Wiest explains the importance of letting the mind, not feelings, lead decisions, even if it means doing things that are temporarily uncomfortable (08:36).
  • Finding Authentic No’s and Yes’s:
    Real “no’s” feel neutral; if a “yes” brings anxiety and fear, there’s often something important buried underneath (09:46–11:13).

    “The no to me always has a little hint of a disinterest. And the yes that feels like maybe a no but is very charged—occasionally there’s something more.”
    – Brianna Wiest [10:48]

  • Chrissy and Wiest share struggles with setting boundaries and the pressure to always say yes (11:23–11:44).

Universality of Self-Sabotage

• Wiest describes how people from all backgrounds approach her with the same underlying emotional struggles—feeling like her writing was “written just for them” (11:53).
  • Quote:

    “I feel like you wrote this for me... I was in my own head.”
    – Brianna Wiest [12:36]

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Breakthrough vs. Micro Shifts

• Why We Wait for the “Perfect Moment”
  • Wiest warns against the illusion of big, sudden breakthroughs. Real change comes from “micro shifts”—subtle, sustainable tweaks (13:33–14:04).
  • Chrissy jokes about “having a salad and expecting to lose 10 pounds” (14:01).
• Building an Internal Guidance System
  • Start very small and recondition your nervous system to get comfortable with change, instead of aiming for reinvention overnight.
  • Practical Exercise: Make lists of small things you genuinely like to reconnect with wants and intuition (15:01–17:37).

    “If you can bring yourself down to a gesture of change rather than seeking an entire life reinvention…I really think that’s the engine that can move your life in a totally different direction.”
    – Brianna Wiest [14:40]

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The Myth of the “Perfect” Time for Change

• Chrissy discusses her tendency to wait for “perfect timing” to start habits and how small moments matter (17:37–18:14).
• The Universe Whispers Before It Screams
  • Wiest says most of us only change when “not changing is the less comfortable option” (18:14–18:58).

    “The universe whispers until it screams… If you can still yourself enough to hear and respond, okay, this is whispering.”
    – Brianna Wiest [18:30]

• Anecdote of five people who lost jobs but, upon reflection, realized they never liked those jobs—highlighting the value of listening before crisis (18:55–20:53).

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The Need for Safety and “Playing Small”

• The Need to Feel Safe:
  • Wiest observes that the root of most self-sabotage is a “childlike need to feel safe” (20:53–22:35).
  • Chrissy connects this to her own life, describing her safe space as her home—a familiar environment (23:20–24:33).
• Growth Requires Loss:
  • Wiest reminds us “your new life will cost you your old one. Every time you say yes to growth, you say no to comfort.” (25:33–27:01)
• Fear of Being Seen:
  • Both reflect on vulnerability; Wiest says she now feels odd if she isn’t open, even though it once terrified her (22:42–23:07).
  • Quote:

    “The turning point for me was imagining getting to the end of my life and thinking, but I never did this because I was so worried about what maybe someone else would think.”
    – Brianna Wiest [27:03]

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The Shadow Self

• Wiest briefly explains the “shadow self” as unconscious aspects of ourselves that powerfully shape our behavior if unexamined (28:13–29:28).
  • Quote:

    “The parts of you that... are even maybe more strongly impacting how you interact and show up in the world. In the way you are unconscious of them, they sometimes have more power.”
    – Brianna Wiest [28:13]

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Toolkit – Guided Visualization: Meeting Your Future Self

(Guided Exercise: 29:43–33:42)

• Step-by-step visualization: Walk through a meaningful place, meet the self you’ll become if nothing changes, then meet your “highest potential” self. Absorb a message from each, then “merge selves” with your highest self and return.
  • Chrissy’s Experience: Chrissy finds it difficult to visualize her highest self (“it was just scribbled out and mangled”) but finds value in the exercise [34:10–34:32].
• Journaling prompt:
  • Wiest suggests asking, "What would my 90-year-old self do?" as a frequent decision-making compass [34:32–34:49].

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Moment | |---|---|---| | 02:17 | Brianna | “Self sabotage…is a self defense mechanism. If you can reframe it like that…it takes away a lot of that guilt and judgment.” | | 04:29 | Brianna | “That’s your golden window of opportunity…practice the pause.” | | 06:36 | Brianna | “Anything new, no matter how good, is uncomfortable until it’s also familiar.” | | 10:48 | Brianna | “The no to me always has a little hint of a disinterest. And the yes that feels like maybe a no but is very charged—occasionally there’s something more.” | | 12:36 | Brianna | “I feel like you wrote this for me…and I was in my own head.” | | 14:04 | Brianna | “It’s you doing one thing very subtly differently than you did before, and then just continuing on.” | | 18:30 | Brianna | “The universe whispers until it screams.” | | 25:34 | Brianna | “Your new life will cost you your old one.” | | 27:03 | Brianna | “But the turning point for me was just imagining getting to the end of my life and thinking…but I never did this because I was so worried about what maybe someone else would think.” | | 28:13 | Brianna | “The shadow is the unconscious aspects of yourself that are very much playing a role…but you just aren’t aware of.” |

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Notable, Relatable Exchanges

• Chrissy’s self-deprecation and openness:

  “Anyone that listens to this podcast knows that I am big into self sabotage…”
  – Chrissy Teigen [01:58]

• Chrissy relating to feeling like a child seeking safety:

  “Sometimes I can’t believe I’m almost 40 years old, I feel like a little kid and I do want to feel safe.”
  – Chrissy Teigen [23:20]

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Guided Exercise Timestamps

• Visualization/Journaling Exercise: [29:43–34:49]
• Chrissy’s Reflection on Exercise: [34:03–34:32]

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Practical Takeaways

• Practice the pause: Even a second of awareness between feeling and reacting is progress.
• Reframe setbacks: Self-sabotage is often an outdated act of self-protection, not failure.
• Embrace micro-shifts: Sustainable change comes from small, repeatable steps, not dramatic overhauls.
• Consult your higher self: Use visualization or journaling to imagine your best future self guiding your decisions.
• Redefine safety: Examine your personal definition of “safe,” recognizing when it limits growth.

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In Closing

Brianna Wiest and Chrissy Teigen deliver a vulnerable, actionable exploration of self-sabotage. Listeners are encouraged to practice self-compassion, tune into subtle internal signals, and use small shifts to steadily reshape their lives—one brave pause at a time.

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Episode available on Audible. “The Mountain Is You” by Brianna Wiest is also featured on the platform.

Transcript

[A]

Chrissy here. Want to hear more from today's guest? Go to audible.com chrissyonaudible that's audible.com Chrissy C H R I S S Y on Audible. You're listening to Self Conscious with Chrissy Teigen, an Audible original podcast. Join me as we explore the cutting edge of health, wellness, and personal growth with the world's leading experts and thinkers. From inspiring stories to actionable insights, our conversations aim to help you lead a healthier, happier, and more productive life. Before I ever heard the phrase self sabotage, I thought I was just being flaky or not trying hard enough, or that something was just off with me. I didn't realize that putting things off, second guessing myself, or constantly apologizing for who I was were all ways of staying safe. My guest today, Brianna Wiest, has helped millions of women understand why we self sabotage, where those patterns come from, and how to begin shifting them. Through her groundbreaking bestseller, the Mountain Is yous, Wiest believes that the biggest obstacle in our lives is often us, and that the patterns that we think are holding us back are actually coping mechanisms we developed to feel safe. She'll help us understand how to identify those patterns, how to stop avoiding discomfort, and how to build emotional resilience from the inside out. Whether you're stuck in procrastination, perfectionism, or self doubt, this conversation is about recognizing your own mountain and learning to move through it one small step at a time. Brianna Wiest, welcome to Self Conscious. Hi Briana. Welcome to Self Conscious.

[B]

Thank you for having me.

[A]

It's so nice to have you up here.

[B]

Gosh, of course.

[A]

Anyone that listens to this podcast knows that I am big into self sabotage and I thought it was really interesting that you said that self sabotage isn't a form of punishment. How do you describe self sabotage?

[B]

It's an act of self love. It's you trying to keep yourself safe without knowing what exactly you're trying to keep yourself safe from. Half of the time. It's a self defense mechanism. It's a self protection mechanism. And I think that if you can reframe it like that, it takes away a lot of that guilt and judgment and kind of opens you up to realize this is me trying to keep myself safe and comfortable, not me trying to actually ruin my own life or any opportunities I'm getting or whatever it is.

[A]

Did you feel like you needed a book like the Mountain Is yous or that you were really great at it and you wanted to share it with other people?

[B]

You know, there's a saying if there's a book you want to read and you can't find it, it's the book you're mean to write. And that's what it was for me. That's what it is for me. And I couldn't quite find anybody or anything that talked about this. And I would be great to speak to this. And more than that, though, going through the process of writing it helped me get out of my own way.

[A]

I've definitely had many moments where I could actually feel myself getting in my own way. Why do you think it's so hard to look at yourself and be like, stop this right now.

[B]

Because we make our feelings in charge. And when our feelings are so strong and so big, it feels overwhelming. It almost seems like we don't have a say further than that. We've conditioned ourselves for so long for our feelings to be the driving force. But I think what happens a lot of the time when, you know, we're having a big feeling or sense about something and we want to course correct, we know better. Sometimes it has this invalidating effect where we're invalidating ourselves and we're like, almost trying to override. And then I think that makes the feeling stronger. Cause it's like, no, I'm really asking you to see this and understand this. And I think very often there's wisdom there. When you know it's the moment of really wanting and needing to make a change. You have to act in spite of yourself. When you know it is the right thing and you are certain. And I don't mean to act impulsively or anything. When you know it's time to be brave.

[A]

Through doing this podcast, so many authors have said in so many different ways that that pause, that brief pause is everything. I'm trying to train myself to let that pause happen.

[B]

That's your golden window of opportunity. That's where you proclaim your free will. I say practice the pause, which is that when you start it, it's like, look, if you can get one second in between how you feel or think and what you do, great. But if you can extend that. I've gotten it to a point where, you know, sometimes if that's gotta be.

[A]

Like, meditative at some point, or like when you're running and they say you get that runner's high. Yeah. Imagine it's if it's like that, if you ever get there, if you're able to get there. So then how do we extend that pause?

[B]

It's like a muscle. It's just practice, and it's okay, if it's just one second at the beginning and then aspire to two seconds, and even if you act two seconds after the fact that you even paused for one second to have that moment of self awareness, that is a win. And then to just keep letting it grow. I'm at a point where I can let things go for an hour or a day or a week and come back to them.

[A]

Wow. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I can't imagine that. The mere thought of it sometimes I can acknowledge I'll be like, oh, my God, I've taken a pause. And it feels like a long time, though. Maybe a couple minutes. I can't imagine a week at a time.

[B]

Especially if it's something I have to, like, make a decision about.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or it's a choice. You know what I mean? It's like work stuff or whatever. And when I come back and I'm reset and I'm neutral and I can think clearly, that's usually when I make the best or right choice. But it took a long time, by the way. That took years.

[A]

Yeah. So then having said that, what do you think are some surprising or even just subtle ways that self sabotage shows up even when we think that we're doing the right thing?

[B]

There's a part where I talk about upper limits, and that's Gay Hendrick's term, not my own. Your upper limit is your unconscious tolerance for feeling good. And everyone has it all of the time. And it's something you have to be consistently aware of as your life goes on. Your upper limit is another way to basically say your comfort zone and your body will prompt you to unconsciously self sabotage to bring yourself back into a comfortable baseline, into what feels familiar. So something that I say all the time is that anything new, no matter how good, is uncomfortable until it's also familiar. And in the same vein, even if it's not good for you, but it's familiar, you will default to that and you will prefer that. So I think a lot of self growth is that willingness to be uncomfortable for a period of time, to kind of reinstate a new comfort zone and reinstate. Reinstate a new default. And also to know that it's something that you have to carry with you your whole life as things progress and as more opportunities come, as more relationships come, whatever it is.

[A]

I love that the writing can span people that have unique upbringings or different personality types, but also into, like, addiction. And I remember always hearing that you had to push past the uncomfortable, and that was part of the whole process. Sometimes you have to be so tired of feeling one way that you realize the only other option is the other way.

[B]

Right. Because if you're allowing your emotions and the state of your nervous system to dictate what you do today and in the future, then you're always carrying the past into the present and into the future. And your body is kind of this culminative conditioned thing where it's everything you've known, and if you allow it to lead you, then you're being led by the past in a way. And so in that moment where your higher cognition steps in and does its job, it gets back into the driver's seat and it's like, look, I know you're uncomfortable, but this really is what's best for you. It's like parenting a toddler, but the toddler is you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the parent is you, too.

[A]

Hear more from today's guest by going to audible.com chrissyonaudible that's audible.com Chrissy C H R I S S Y On Audible, you talk about reprogramming your comfort zone. What does that mean to you now? And how do you practice it so that we all, in turn can practice it as well?

[B]

It's not letting my feelings lead or control and letting my mind and the most intelligence I can muster make decisions for me. Because when I let my feelings dictate what I'm going to say yes to, what I'm going to show up for, how I'm going to act, I'm living out the conditioning of my past. Like, I'm going to stay right where I am because my comfort zone is indicating that, you know, what is familiar to me, what is defaulted, what is preferred. You know, that's so deeply ingrained. But to defy it or to expand it, I have to temporarily do something that's less comfortable but more important. And it's something that I have to call to mind all of the time in pausing to say, do I really not want this or am I scared? To me, that's also this process of organizing my emotions, not just having them and being overwhelmed by them. But what is at the root of this? What do I really mean by this? Is this truly a no? I think that everyone might be different, but for me, I can kind of intuit, you know, when something's really a no for me, it's disinterest.

[A]

Yeah. What do you feel like when, oh, my God, I need to hear this? A lot of people need to hear this. How do you know that a no is for real.

[B]

Then there's like a neutrality to it in the end. And usually when it's a huge yes that I'm scared of, it's like a lot of noise. When it's a yes that I'm scared of, it like is followed by 200 fears. And that's always when I know there's something inside this that's a yes. And it doesn't mean I need to act on the yes. Right the second. There also might be processing to do of, you know, let me work through these fears before I step into whatever this is. You know, I've never been afraid or had a big reaction to something that wasn't kind of burying or protecting something inside I really wanted, like the existential crisis I've gone in of being an author. And all these things that I actually know at my core are so important to me. I haven't had all of that inner dialogue around other things that are just kind of a no. And then when something's like a full bodied yes, but I think most people know when that is, I notice, I would do anything for it. I notice this resilience that comes through where I'm like, I would go to any length. I would do anything to get this right. I would do anything to protect this person when I'm in that place. I rewrote the Mountain Is yous four times. I would have rewritten it five or six. Because I will do anything when I'm in that place. That's my sweet zone. But the no to me always has like a little hint of a disinterest. And the yes, that feels like maybe a no, but it's very charged. Occasionally there's something more.

[A]

You can feel it. Sometimes I feel like I say no because I don't know that one day is worth the two weeks of anxiety.

[B]

That's fair. And also it's not easy to say no. And I think that we're conditioned more than anything to like perpetually, eternally say yes. And I don't know if you ever struggle with this, but for no to be the end, not the beginning of a negotiation, but just it's no. And to be able to peacefully get to that and. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[A]

Yeah. When people come up to you at a book signing or after like a speaking engagement or something, what is it they say to you the most?

[B]

That's a really good question. Number one, people will tell me things in waves. If I'm on a book tour, if I'm going To a bunch of cities in a cluster of time. I will meet people from different places, and many of them will say that they're going through similar things all at the same time. This deeply fascinates me. And it's almost like this, like, trend that these people are strangers. You know what I mean? They're from opposite sides of the country world. So that's the first most interesting thing they'll tell me if it's job loss, it's relationship loss, it's whatever they're struggling with. They'll tell me a lot of their personal experiences or things they've overcome or that they're working on. But the most popular thing they say is, I feel like you wrote this for me.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I feel like you're in my head or something. And I'm like, that's the best feeling. I was. And I was in my own head.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it makes me feel so connected to them, and I hope vice versa, Because a lot of the things that I've written is personal stuff I wrote by myself in my room. Do you know what I mean? And then shared with the world. And for it to find other people and for them to be like this resonates with me so much. And people I have nothing in common with, even to realize you have that connection, the gift that it's given me, more than I think any of them could ever realize, is how not alone I feel through them. And that's like, the greatest gift.

[A]

You talk about how people often stay stuck because they're waiting to feel ready. How do you recommend moving forward when you're not confident, but you also know something has to change first.

[B]

We're talking about the difference between breakthroughs and micro shifts, which is in the book. And I think that when people sense or know or feel something's not working and something does have to shift, we go and seek that big breakthrough, profound moment where this is the end of our old life and the start of our new one. So we're always looking for things to happen all at once. It's like, well, I changed my life today, and I'm never going back. I'm a whole new person.

[A]

Like, I had a salad. I should have lost 10 pounds.

[B]

Correct?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I have a journal now, and I'm a whole new person, and that never works. And the reason it doesn't work is because you need a micro shift. That's, like, the foundation of real, true change in your life. It's you doing one thing very subtly differently than you did before, and then just Continuing on. And what that's basically doing is it's reconditioning your body and your nervous system and your comfort zone to get used to the change. And then over time, you'll just default to it. But when you introduce it too abruptly to the system, it's almost like your system will reject it no matter how much you want. I talk about this all the time, which is, you know, you want to drink more water, you have to start with one sip. And I think where people get lost and stuck a lot of the time is they think that they're beyond the one sip part. I know I can do more than that, or I should be able to do more than that. It's wild that I don't feel capable of doing more than that. And I think, like, the ego gets in the way a lot. But if you can bring yourself down to a gesture of change rather than seeking, you know, an entire life reinvention, I really think that's the engine that can move your life in a totally different direction. But if the question is more, I don't feel at ease. I don't feel aligned. I know something has to change, but I don't know what. We have to get reconnected to the sense of want. And something I've told people to do in the past is like, go to a store and look at, like, find a shirt you actually like. But don't let your mind interrupt with, where would I wear it? Or would it look good on me? Or anything like that. Just can you actually get reconnected to that sense of what you actually like? Or if not that, can you start making a list of things in your life small as a piece of decor in your house or something you own that you know you like, and start making a list of all of those things that are even in the smallest ways? It's not about those things. It's not about what's on the paper. It's about you reconnecting yourself to that internal navigation system that's trying to point you back north. And when you connect to that feeling, people say this all of the time. It's like, well, I want to know what my purpose in life is. You know, I want to change everything. And it's like, what you're wanting and seeking is a really strong internal navigation system. You want a lot of clarity, but that has to be built over time. And then I think it feels upsetting a lot of the time where it's like, well, I don't have the answers. I'm just Going to give up. Most people don't wake up one day and are just like, this is the vision for my life. Sometimes. But usually it's like one thing leads to another and this seems like a good idea or there was an opportunity here. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's not often, but I think, I think we all, maybe there's something wrong with us if we don't wake up in the morning, we're like, I know exactly what I want my life to be. I think most people don't know. And I think a lot of things just happen. You find yourself, you're like, I'm so far downstream and I don't even know how I got here a lot of the time. But the point of doing any kind of inner work, any kind of self reflection, any kind of therapy is to take a pause and to check in with yourself. And what does feel right, what do I want? You know, the time is going to pass anyway. The years are gonna pass anyway. What do you wanna do with them? And I think also not to take it for granted in a way. Like, I feel like we always think, like, well, I'll do it later or one day I'll figure it out. Nobody knows how much is ahead or isn't. And I think that also getting connected to the reality of that impermanence, I feel like, has lit a lot of fires underneath me of like, I need to do this to make sure I actually follow through.

[A]

I think my thing is that I'm waiting for the perfect storm to happen. Like, I'm like, oh, I won't do Pilates today, because I can only do it today. And then maybe Friday or something, but next week after that I can do it Monday, Wednesday, Thursday. And I, like, make all these excuses to where it can be this perfect time for me to do something. So one thing I'm really working on is knowing that those small days, those small moments, that small hour, 50 minutes or whatever can still be really beneficial. It doesn't have to be this whole big deal every time.

[B]

It can happen on the fringe moments of your life. Like, it doesn't have to seem like the perfect day for anything. And also, I don't think there are very many, right?

[A]

I'm also insane. Well, I'll be like, I'm gonna start this on Monday because it's a Monday. Like, no, we can start this shit now. It doesn't make a difference.

[B]

Most people do not change at all unless they have to, unless they're forced to. They kind of wait for Things to devolve into crisis. And then they're like, all right, I guess I'll change my life now. But I think that the universe whispers until it screams. And I think that if you can still yourself enough to hear and respond, okay, this is whispering. I'm receiving feedback from my life that something isn't working. If you can respond to it now.

[A]

You don't have to let it so much stronger.

[B]

You don't have to let it get to that point. But that's. This really is a truth, which is that people don't change until not changing is the less comfortable option, because we're always moving around the point of what's defaulted to what we're accustomed to. But I think that if we can start to engineer ourselves intentionally of. Can I listen to my life when it's a quiet. No. Before you ask me, when people come up to you at a book signing or an event, what do they say? And I told you that they're like waves or like themes and trends. Okay, so there was a period earlier this year where five different people told me the same story from different cities, strangers. And it really intrigued me because it was the same situation over and over and over again. And the situation was each of them had a job fall apart. Like some kind of employment or contract came apart. And they were so afraid of this happening and completely crashing out about it. And then every single one of them told me, two weeks later, two months later, they woke up one day and thought, I really hated that job. Five different people told me this. And it became this moment for them where they realized life was responding to me and almost acting on my behalf, even though I wasn't even ready to go there. But then I just let it get so bad that it came apart. And then I was upset about it. But if I'm being honest with myself, it wasn't working for a long, long time. Like, none of this was. Suddenly, five different people said the same story. And I was so intrigued by that and the way that they kind of, like, would smirk and be like, but I really didn't like that job. And the reason they were at the event, the reason they were reading the book, is because they were. That's what they were working on, which was, how can I connect to my life so I can get ahead of things like this? And we could have made this way smoother. You know, I could have been on a trajectory of looking for a new job.

[A]

They didn't have to go down.

[B]

Right? We didn't need to get here and knew it was going to get here, but I was in denial about it. But I could have responded a lot earlier. And I think that you really learn to listen and not let your own fear eclipse. You know what I mean? Or kind of like corrupt the process. When I talk about all these different scenarios where we come up on an upper limit and we have to defy our comfort zone. But the thing that I feel like most needs boil down to is just what, Wanting to feel safe or like you belong. And I feel like everyone I have spoken to about this in the last five years of my life. It comes down to this almost childlike need to feel safe. And this is coming from anyone and everyone. Like people you would look at and would seem like very tough. Even people who have very, very well established lives. It's like across the board, is what I'm trying to say. And to me that indicates that there's this part of us at all times that kind of needs to be tended to, that child within. Why do we fear this opportunity? Why do we fear growth or expansion? Because it's unknown. It's unknown. And what could happen. And you're always. It's like a self preservation. But then I think for us to move forward, that parent, that higher self, that cognitive awareness has to step in and get back into the driver's seat of, okay, well, we're gonna do this anyway. So much of getting out of my own way has been learning to show up shaking, basically. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, okay, I'm scared, but I'm going, I'm scared. I'm doing. To write one book, to write any, to write anything.

[A]

Anything.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now I'm so used to it and people ask me that all the time. They're like, you are very vulnerable. But I don't know any different at this point. So it just feels like I'm being normal and I'm. I forgot. People don't like, you know. Right. Like, share their innermost thoughts with the world at all times.

[A]

I'm the same. I hear you on that.

[B]

I'm like, oh, I forgot. But over time, it feels weird if I don't do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If I haven't sat down to write in a while, I'm like, oh, I don't feel quite right.

[A]

Oh, you're like an editor's dream. That's awesome.

[B]

Yeah. But I wasn't. So.

[A]

Don't worry. The word safe, though, I think is so important because, like, we really are just all. Sometimes I can't believe I'm almost 40 years old, I feel like a little kid and I do want to feel safe. Don't know what it's like exactly to feel safe because I don't know if I like ever really felt that way. So to me, feeling safe is being in a really familiar environment, knowing that this is my own space and this is my space and I'm going to be here and nothing's going to happen to me here. I guess so like that's what I associate safe with. Whereas a lot of people, I'm sure, would be able to say like a loving partner, this, that, like. Yes, I love that too. But for me, it's about a space that I'm familiar with and nobody can hurt this space. And if I venture out, then I'm almost giving myself to the wolves. I can control the house and being here, but the more I leave, the more windows of opportunity there are for bad things to happen or me to mess up. So I encase myself here and I guess that's my safety. But it would come down to feeling safe. So. You're so right.

[B]

I think everyone does that in their own way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I think that's very normal. I do that too. It's like I have like my, my home, my space.

[A]

But isn't it so cool when people really put themselves out there and are unafraid? Like I used to be so unafraid and unapologetic and then it got beaten out of me to be that way and it didn't feel like a world or a space that I could be that way anymore. So I just like completely turned it off. And it's still within me, it's just majorly subdued. Or I save it for the group chat and I try to get my rocks off by like saying something in the group chat, but it'll never compare to what I'm holding down inside of me, which is to be sassy and unapologetic and controversial. Yeah, that's a lot of it too. And I do remember you saying that, like you have to be okay with saying goodbye to the old one.

[B]

Your new life will cost 2 year old one.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And fuck, that is true.

[B]

Yeah. Every time you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else. Even on like a micro scale. Every time you say yes to growth, you say no to comfort. If you say yes to one experience, you have to say no to another. That's just how it goes. But what you're saying is interesting to me too because alongside safe, maybe more common Than safe is playing or staying small. And I would say pretty much 10 for 10 of everyone I have known that's gone through that process of reconciling. You know, in what ways am I holding myself back to appease others? The end of the road pretty much always looks like what more of my life and myself will I, like, give off to the altar of other people's needs. And I think it's up to each one of us to decide at the end of my life when this whole thing is over. When I look back on this whole thing, whether people like it or don't, or love me or don't do I feel like I need to do be and say to be okay with myself. I mean, we talked about this. It's terrifying to put yourself out there in any way. And I can't even compare my life to yours because it's different. But the thing that I can empathize with is writing a book and putting it out there.

[A]

Absolutely. Putting your whole self out there.

[B]

What? But the turning point for me was just imagining getting to the end of my life and thinking, but I never did this because I was so worried about what maybe someone else would think. And then when I got over that, to have been received with so much love and have met so many people that were like, I read your book and I did this, that, or the. And it's the best part of everything. And it blew me away. I never in a million years thought it would go the places it's gone. But here's what's crazier. That it's reached the people. It has. And also that they all have their own unique experience. It's like an inkblot test. Do you know what I mean? Because sometimes they'll come up to me like, oh, I really felt or saw this in the book and I did this with it. And I'm like, that is fascinating because that was nowhere on my mind when I wrote it. To me, that also is another reminder and signal that I have to do my best. But also people will interpret it any which way they want from wherever they're at. And that's also. I have to be okay with that. And that's kind of part of being an artist or being seen.

[A]

Let's talk about this idea of the shadow self. Can you unpack that concept for those of us who are new to this?

[B]

Yeah. It's like the unconscious aspects of yourself that are very much playing a role in your day to day life, but that you just aren't aware of. That's what the term shadow comes from. The parts of you that in some ways are even maybe more strongly impacting how you interact and show up with the world. And in the way that you are unconscious of them, they sometimes even have more power because you don't realize. And I think emotions have shadow aspects, too. So, like, when anger is healthy, it's expressive, and when it goes into its shadow function, it becomes unchecked aggression. But I think that we are very much the same way. When we don't meet ourselves and validate ourselves and connect with the people in our lives, in our environment, we can move into a lot of those unconscious coping mechanisms. And that feels like they're, you know, holding us up, but at the end of the day, we're not standing clearly in who we are. Everyone has this. Yeah, it's a universal thing.

[A]

And now for the toolkit. Each episode, our guests distill their expertise into practical and actionable insights. Today, Briana will take us through an exercise aimed at connecting us with our future self and the person we want to become.

[B]

When you're trying to make a decision and you don't know what to do, something that I like to do is to consult my highest potential future self. So I'm going to lead you on my meditation that I always do. Are you okay to close your eyes?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, deep breath. Okay. So I want you to imagine that you are in your favorite environment, somewhere out in nature, somewhere that's really beautiful and meaningful to you, somewhere where you've had absolutely beautiful experiences. A beach, a field, a mountain, whatever. And I want you to imagine that just for a minute, you are walking through there. You see a staircase, and you walk up the staircase. At the end of the staircase, there are two doors, and I want you to go into the door on the left first. When you get into the room, it's an empty room, but there are two chairs facing one another. And I want you to imagine that you sit in one of them, and you're going to invite your future self to visit you, but this is going to be the version of you, who you will become if nothing changes, if you stay as you are right now. So I want you to imagine inviting that self into the room and having them sit on the chair across from you. And I want you to just notice things about them. What are they wearing? How old are they? What are they up to? How do they seem? How do they feel? And I want you to ask if they have any important message for you, anything they want you to know and knowing that you can always return to them for more guidance and insight, give them a hug and say thank you and then let them go. And then I want you to imagine that you exit the room and walk across the hallway and go into the door on the right. This room looks just like the other room. It's empty and there are two chairs in the middle. I want you to sit down again, but this time I want you to invite your highest potential future self to enter. And I want you to ask them to sit across from you. And I want you again to really observe them. What do they look like? What are they wearing? How are they? What are they doing? And most importantly, what messages do they have for you right now? What would they need or want you to know? And knowing that you are always connected to this version of yourself and can go back to them for insight and guidance whenever you need. I want you to imagine giving them a hug and saying thank you, but don't let go of the hug. I want you to imagine that you merge selves with them and when you look down, you're wearing what they were wearing. And as that self, I want you to imagine that you leave the room and you walk down the stairs and you walk back through your special beautiful place. And whenever you're ready, you open your eyes and you're back on the podcast.

[A]

Hello. Oh my gosh. Well, first of all, I was imagining myself walking through this little like Lafayette park in New York. And it's not a park or like nature exactly, but to me it's nature just being outside. But I will say I had a lot of trouble with the right door.

[B]

Which is the highest self. But you could see your current self.

[A]

I could see my current self, but whatever I was looking at was just totally scribbled out and mangled. Not a person, not anything. And I kept trying to make it a person and it just seemed so incredibly helpful and wise as well. It just seemed like I have no idea.

[B]

Something else that you can do too. And anyone listening at home that wants to as well is a prompt. And you write this as part of your routine of just what would my 90 year old self do? That is the self that I go to all of the time to make basically any decision, I'm always looking to her.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

Yes, thank you.

[A]

That was beautiful.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Briana. I want to thank you for joining me today on Self Conscious. Brianna Wiese, the Mountain Is yous Transforming Self Sabotage into Self Mastery is available on audible. Until then, tune in, turn on and feel better. This is Chrissy Teigen and you've been listening to Self Conscious and Audible Original Podcast. This has been an Audible original produced by Audible, Q Code and Huntley Productions Hosted by Chrissy Teigen Written and executive produced by Jimmy Jelinek Executive producers for Q Code Shen Yan Hu and Alexa Gabrielle Ramirez Executive producer for Huntley Productions Chrissy Teigen executive producer for Audible Stacy Creamer Recorded and engineered by Ben Milchev Filmed by Bridger Clements Production Coordinator Brian Coulter Edited, mixed and mastered by Ben Milchev Head of Creative Development at Audible Kate Navin Chief Content Officer Rachel Giazza Copyright 2024 by Audible Originals, LLC Sound Recording Copyright 2025 by Audible Original.

[B]

Sam.